Redux: 3005

by DeWitt-Enterprises

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Anthro, Romance
Length: 3145

Mystical mishaps bring our 'charming' young hero to Equestria. With nothing but time on his hands, the young man finds himself befriending and bonding with many a friendly face. And even friendlier with a certain Solar Alicorn.

Adrian wasn't used to being the centre of attention. He floated by, day to day back home, working part-time jobs, exercising, and mastering the art of sarcasm and cynicism. Ordinary was a good way to describe the young man.

Now with being dragged into a world of anthro horses in an event none of them have figured out yet, he's soon the talk of the town, with royalty, nobles, peasants, and commoners all ready and willing to hear the tales and trials of Canterlot's newest inhabitants. Given a home, a job, and a task of helping educate the ponies on his world, he finds himself getting rather close to the Royals, and to Princess Celestia. Maybe closer than some say he should be.

But maybe not close enough for both their preferences…

A/N: Redux: 3005 is a much-longer retelling of the original one-shot 3005. It isn't a required read, but is there if you want to familiarise yourself with what kind of characters you're going to be dealing with or if you're in the mood for a cheeky wank before settling down for the long-haul.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-03 14:05:02 UTC

26 Weeks (Unedited)

Fresh and presentable.

These two qualities were the first things that went through the mind of the Solar Alicorn as she awoke to perform her daily duties. Before her eyes had even fully opened, her mind was awash with schedules, plans, visits, and meetings all buzzing around the inside of her skull like a wasp nest. Though as the drowsiness faded and her waking sense emerged, the seemingly-infinite list of tasks, chores, and annoyances formed themselves into a list she could manage. A list she’d prioritised and a list she’d memorised in a matter of moments. Cracking her eyes open and heaving her still-tired form from her bed, she set about the first task on that list: Freshening.

Having adopted the strategy of sleeping nude several millennia ago, she no longer needed to fuss with nightwear and the like, and as a result it was one less thing to strike through on the list. Stretching out her wing muscles as she made her way to her large, tiled bathroom, she used her magic to levitate and attract every item she needed to create her cleaning concoction. Starting with brushing her teeth normally, then using her magic to remove extra plaque from the nooks and crannies of her mouth, freshening up her breath, wetting, shampooing, and rinsing her extremely thick, bushy mane and tail once before then focussing on cleaning her body.

Her hair was scrubbed, lathered, rinsed, and done over twice to give her coat the extra sheen it needed before attacking her wet mane and tail with a fine-toothed comb whilst taking time to ‘relax’ in the hot spray of the shower. She always took a modicum of pride in the magical gymnastics she performed in her morning duties. The sheer amount of items she was manipulating with such efficiency would be a task too strenuous for even gifted unicorns in her kingdom, but it was a skill she’d mastered a long time ago.

Deciding to have a ‘lazy’ morning, the Celestia gave herself an extra lathering of shampoo, took a deep breath, and stuck her face under the torrential downpour from the powerful shower head, allowing the warmth of the water to soothe her still-tired body and mind, giving her the last taste of relaxation she’d have for a long time that day. Placing her palms flat against the wall, she pushed forwards, allowing the exertion of her muscles to stretch and flex them to work out the drowsiness her entire body felt. Cracking her neck loudly, she stood up straight, flapping her wings under the spray and coating the walls in water before turning the spray off.

Levitating a towel over to her, she wrapped the soft fabric around her body, using her magic to strip the large amount of water her hair had absorbed out, tossing it into the drain, and using several, artificial wind currents to blow dry and shape her mane and tail, dry in a matter of moments after her ‘longer shower’. Now onto the second quality: Presentable. Celestia, deciding to be a good Aunt, had allowed Cadance to order her a new wardrobe in from the seamstress she used herself.

This, of course, worried Celestia due to Cadance’s different fashion stylings. While Celestia preferred widely-covering, puffier dresses, Cadance had an attraction to a much less… modest form of dresses. Open-legged, cleavage-exposing, much tighter dresses. It was safe to say that the two of them didn’t see eye-to-eye on fashion, but she hoped that her niece had taken that into consideration before placing the orders.

And her hopes were dashed moments after opening the wardrobe, her eyes widening in horror not only at the sight of the newer, more risque dresses, but also because every single one of her other dresses had been entirely removed from the wardrobe. Seconds ticked by as she bombastically searched through her new wardrobe, trying to find one dress that didn’t show more of her cleavage than it did of her arms, one that wouldn’t cling tight enough to her behind to map it, and one that covered at least the sides of her legs.

After minutes of digging she finally found one that was closer to her preferred style… but in the same way that ninety was closer to zero than one hundred, but still a long way off. The dress in question was a paper-thin, stretchy material that Celestia could tell was going to map her like a cartographer just from looking at it. She took a deep breath and struggled to put on the dress, finally getting the snare-like piece of clothing on after squirming around for a long time.

She walked over to the mirror and examined herself, a small blush coming to her face as she stared back at a woman that was decidedly not her. The dress, as she predicted, was much too tight, clinging to every curve and bend of her body. The fabric clung to her backside and breasts jealously, locked onto her wide, birthing hips, and had the exposed cleavage she dreaded it would, coming down to nearly the underside of her breasts in length. Not only that, the dress’ legs were slit open on both sides, high enough to show off both of her cutie marks.

The only thing the dress didn’t put on display was her arms, having long, ivy-patterned sleeves that ended with a fabric loop to put on her finger to pull the triangle-tipped sleeve down over the back of her hand, that being the only thing Cadance seemed to have included from her preferred specifications. Though, giving credit where it was due, this dress was much more comfortable than a lot of her own collection, without as many straps and hooks to ruin blood circulation and dig into her flesh.

Though it did come with another, much worse problem: She couldn’t wear a bra with it. The dress, thanks to her already-titanic bust, was far too tight to accommodate even her thinnest of bras, nearly tearing at the seams if she so much as breathed deeply. This posed several immediate problems, the first being that this did not look like the kind of dress you’d wear to a formal event, especially if that event involved showing foreign dignitaries around, like hers would today. It was the kind of dress one wore to a date with a partner if they hoped to seduce them.

Celestia, desperate to wear anything besides the… party dress tried to think of a plan, but knew she didn’t have time. She still needed to raise the sun, brief the morning patrols on their duties before shift changes, inspect delivery and requisition orders from well over forty different people, discuss tax adjustments with the local merchant guild, and get into peace talks with the Griffon Empire that wasn’t the happiest with the expanding Equestrian borders. And that was all due to happen in the next twenty minutes and wasn’t expected to end until it was time to lower the sun again.

She had no time to interrogate Cadance on the whereabouts of her other dresses, nor did she have time to beg a maid for a replacement. Hell, she didn’t even have time to change out of the dress and into another one before she needed to meet Luna to raise and lower their respective celestial bodies. Running a hand through her thick hair, she growled angrily, vowed to give Cadance a piece of her mind at a later date, and rushed off to meet her young sister at the tower atop the castle, all the while trying not to move at a pace that would cause her nearly-unsupported breasts to fall out of her dress. After all, she had enough on her plate without a wardrobe malfunction.

Managing to keep her breasts in her dress as she made it to the top of the tower several seconds later than she’d have liked, the slightly-out-of-shape Alicorn spotted her sister waiting patiently by the balcony, sat on a brown stool with her legs crossed over, wearing a dress Celestia wished she’d had.

“Sorry I’m late,” Celestia panted as she walked up to her sister. “It’s hard to run in this thing.”

Luna was silent for a moment, cocking a midnight-blue eyebrow as she eyed her older sister up and down with a curious expression, knowing her well enough to know that her current ensemble was not one of her choosing.

“Cadance?” the Lunar Alicorn asked casually.

“Cadance,” Celestia confirmed.

“I warned you,” Luna chuckled.

“I know,” Celestia sighed.

“We both knew this was going to happen,” Luna reminded.

“I know,” Celestia said with an ashamed look on her face.

“So what did we learn?” Luna asked, standing up off the chair and looking up at her older sister.

“Don’t trust Cadance with anything,” she admitted.

“There’s a good girl,” Luna said, patting Celestia on the head. “You look lovely, if that’s any consolation?”

“You think so?” Celestia asked, straightening slightly as she got her breath back.

“Yes. Despite your protests of such outfits, you do suit it rather nicely,” Luna said, crossing her arms and nodding in approval. “You could do with shaving off a few pounds around the stomach, but that’s just me.”

“Thanks, Sis,” Celestia said in a bemused expression.

“Don’t mention it, you pudgy fucker,” Luna smiled before turning towards the horizon. “You ready to do you job?”

Celestia didn’t respond, merely cuffed her younger sister lightly on the back of her head and tousling her hair slightly, getting a small snigger from the Lunar Alicorn as they both raised a single hand to the horizon.

“Ready when you are,” Luna said, her eyes lighting up a clear white.

“Just say when you’re ready,” Celestia confirmed, her eyes lighting a bright orange. A small glow appeared in their palms, humming gently with power as the two of them poured more energy into their control.

“And…” Luna said, holding her hand out to her side and towards Celestia, her ball of energy forming a semicircle in the air.

“Switch,” Celestia finished, her ball doing the same. The two semicircles formed together into a singular entity, one of moonlight and one of sunlight, before rotating around and having the orange semicircle raise to the top while the white light was lowered, their respective orbital object doing the same. The two then extinguished their lights once the sun was high in the sky, exhaling quietly from the little sap in strength their task brought.

“Right then,” Luna said, stretching out with a yawn. “I’m off to bed. See you later tonight, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure,” Celestia nodded. “Forgive me if I fall asleep on you during the play. I’ve got the feeling today’s gonna be a tiring one.”

“How come?” Luna asked, holding her advance to hear her sister’s story.

“Peace negotiations, tax talks, and more bullshit of the like,” Celestia listed, counting each off on her fingers. “The kind of stuff that makes me regret learning how to speak thirty five different languages and not learn how to tie a noose.”

“It’s not that bad,” Luna sighed. “We’ve both been through it for a good few thousand years now and have learned how to deal with it effectively.”

“Your method is brilliant,” Celestia nodded. “The ‘Sleep all day and let my sap of an older sister suffer through the brunt of shit while I deal with the parties and night events’.”

“It’s what keeps me young after all,” Luna giggled. “Now, go get your fat ass down to whatever soul-sapping event you’ve got on your list while I retire to my soft satin sheets and dream a little dream of rest. And if it gets too hard to bear… you can always go snuggle up with your boy-toy.”

Celestia glowered at her sister, the blue-haired Alicorn grinning teasingly at her sister as she mouthed the words Celestia had said a thousand times.

“He is not my boy-toy, Luna,” she growled. “How many time do I have to tell you?”

“As many times as it takes you to stop lying to yourself, Sis,” Luna said, linking her fingers and squeezing her hands up against her chin. “And admit that you wuv him.”

“I’m going to hit you if you don’t shut up,” Celestia growled.

“Try it, big girl,” Luna sneered. “I could outrun your tubby ass with one leg and a cart strapped to my back.”

“Right, that fucking does it,” Celestia snapped, bolting for her sister.

“Alright then, maybe leading you around might get you to lose some weight,” Luna giggled, speeding away.

“Luna!” Celestia barked.

“Rise and shine, buddy!” Shining Armour exclaimed, tipping the bed Adrian was sleeping in over and causing the now-terrified youth to land hard on the floor in a tangle of blankets, pillows, and confusion.

“Th’fuck izzat?” Adrian snorted loudly, trying to dig his way to the surface to see his boss and best friend standing above him with a grin.

"Come on, up and at 'em," Shining said, offering his hand to the floor-bound human. "You're gonna be late for work if you don't hurry up."

"Yeah, cheers, Dad," Adrian groaned as he pulled himself out of his blanket wrapping and took Shining's hand. "Strike make you come and get me?"

"Yup. And you know how she gets when she's mad," Shining nodded. "Get your ass in gear and get gone."

"Sure," Adrian nodded, yawning and stretching his back out, several joints popping as he did so. The Guard Captain bid him farewell on his way out the door, leaving the nineteen year old to get himself sorted and ready for the day of working for his boss, Iron Strike. She was the castle's top armourer, often called in to forge beautiful ceremonial armour as well as regular field armour for whatever occasion called for it. She was a pegasus with a temper and one that Adrian often set off due to his lack of motivation and sarcastic nature. He knew he was already on her bad side this week from having completely fucked up an order she'd trusted him to finish himself.

He’d admitted fault immediately, coming clean with the fact that he’d shacked up with a mare from Canterlot and had slept through the day he was meant to be at work, and it was only through Celestia’s silver tongue that Strike hadn’t fired him on the spot, convincing the veteran smith to give him another chance. Adrian shook his head, running a hand through his thick brown hair before rubbing his emerald eyes, trying to shoo away as much of his drowsiness as possible as to not fall asleep in the warmth of the shower.

He made his way out of his bedroom and into the shower room, cranking the shower up to full power and stepping under the spray with toothbrush in hand, scrubbing his disgusting morning breath away as best he could whilst scrubbing himself down with a bar of soap. He lathered and rinsed his hair quickly, cutting off the water and chucking his toothbrush into the sink, quickly drying himself off and dressing in a pair of rough pants and a cotton shirt, his tastes needing to become rather medieval after getting jumped into Equestria, favouring leather pants and sword belts instead of denim jeans and a video game shirt.

It had been a hell of an experience for the kid during his first few days. Not only was his mind blown by the amazing new world of magic and mystery laid out before him, he was also amazed by how friendly and trusting the people of this world were. In his time back on Earth, moving all over the country from places like Durham to Winchester, he’d faced scrutiny and borderline xenophobia from fellow Englishmen. It was unheard of for people to welcome a completely new creature into their lives, especially ones as radically different to him as the ponies had.

Instead of being met with prejudice and fear, he was instead greeted with intrigue and wonderment, having many a curious pony come up to him and ask questions about his life before being brought to Equestria. Due to the friendliness of the people and the input from the Royal Family, Adrian was accepted into the social folds in a matter of days. He was befriending new ponies in hours, managed to get a job in a matter of days, was being invited to parties and events within weeks… and had even managed to sleep with a few of the mares around Canterlot, once having his fear of bestiality talked out of him by Princess Celestia.

Strapping his boots onto his feet, Adrian quickly headed out of the house and made his way through Canterlot’s districts, hurrying as fast as he could without sprinting to Iron Strike’s forge, opening the door to be blasted with the familiar surge of heat the building nearly always had and spotting the forever-angry pegasus already hammering away at the forge. Iron Strike was an mostly grey pegasus, only coloured otherwise by black streaks in her permanent ponytail and her dark blue eyes. She shot an angry look at Adrian, not even giving him a chance to say hello before tossing an apron at him and demanding that he get to work.

“You’ve got a lot to make up for, boy,” she growled. “And I’m gonna ride your ass until I’m satisfied with it.”

“Trust me, you’ll be satisfied much quicker if it’s the other way round,” Adrian said, that permanent sarcasm of his rearing its ugly head and winning him a small fragment of iron ore thrown off his skull. “Ow!”

“Enough of the mouth,” she said, bending and flattening the armour she was working on. “We’ve got a big order of parade sets we need to get through this week and I’m not having my reputation smeared by you again because you were too busy out getting your cock sucked to finish your job.”

“Your wording doesn’t exactly make it seem like a difficult choice, Strike,” Adrian shrugged, tying on his apron and picking up a pair of gloves.

He was awarded another ore prize.

“Will you knock that off?” he asked irritably.

“As soon as you learn to keep your damn mouth shut and focus on working,” Strike said through gritted teeth.

“Heh. There isn’t enough ore in the world to get that to happen,” Adrian chuckled.

“We can fucking try,” Iron Strike glowered, picking up a much bigger chunk this time around.

“Alright, alright, you mad woman, I’m getting to work!” Adrian exclaimed. “Just don’t lob that off my face. It’s the only thing I’ve got going for me at this point.”

“That’s certainly true,” she snorted, pointing him to a secondary forge and the armour schematics on a nearby bench. “Now get to it. Double time.”