Didn't Need Sleep Anyway...
How does one describe Nothing? Just saying “nothing” doesn’t really cut it. That fails to get across the unrelenting bleakness of the reality. It is a space that is simultaneously infinite, boundless beyond measure, yet paralyzingly claustrophobic. Its colour is not black. Black implies an absence of light. That at least is something. Nothing lacks even that. If one must assign a colour, perhaps a deep beige, not too far off from what some astronomers have said is the background colour of the universe. But as Nothing, perhaps not.
In Nothing, there is no sensation. Joy, sorrow, boredom, misery, love, hatred, and so forth are all completely foreign concepts. The feeling of feeling itself is nonexistent. As in the vacuum of space, there is no cold, nor is there necessarily warmth. It just is, through sheer virtue of the fact that it is not.
Time does not exist amidst Nothing. One may be enveloped within Nothing for a second or for the rest of eternity. Or both, or neither. There is no way to tell from within, and it does not matter anyway. Nothing breeds nothing, after all.
If one is within Nothing, does one even exist? Obviously one exists in the vacuum of space – hopefully not directly exposed to it – but Nothing is beyond that. Life and death themselves lose their meanings.
…I just remembered that ‘Nothing’ is also Classical Equestrian slang for a mare’s sexual organs. And this tangent just got really weird. Thanks a lot for making me analyze Flankspeare, Princess Celestia.
These thoughts raced through Sunset Shimmer’s mind as she lay on her bed, her brain struggling desperately to calm itself down from another joyless day of doing nothing and feeling guilty about it. Eventually, her brain shut itself off for the night – “night” being a relative term here, as she neither knew nor cared what the time actually was – and once it did, she was thrust headlong into Nothing.
For the next few hours, Nothing happened. Of course, hooking her up to an EEG machine would show her brain functioning normally – well, normal for her at any rate – but she had no idea that was the case, as her mind decided to stop its internal chatter.
This was arguably an improvement over Sunset’s typical night: her mind chattering to itself, caught in a feedback loop of guilt as it relived every single event Sunset regretted over the course of her quarter century of life, often in minute detail.
At first, the nothingness was exactly that. Then, a sensation; Sunset felt the beige lighten. Her existence was convulsed, rocking back and forth. Nothing left, replaced by thought.
Something.
The sensation persisted long enough that Sunset’s mind snapped to attention.
What?
She grunted as her brain unwillingly brought itself into the realm of the conscious, a blurry vision of a place replacing the unending expanse of void. Briefly, she tried to recall her identity. Unfortunately for her, she quickly remembered.
After what felt like an eternity, or maybe just a minute, Sunset’s eyes finally focused on the scene before her. A warm dim light assaulted her senses. She was in her bed in her room in her apartment – all of which were messy. Clothes she felt were used but clean enough to re-wear were set on the bed near her feet, the floor nearby reserved for garments a higher level of unclean; she’d get to washing that pile one of these years. Maybe once her world stopped shaking.
She turned her head to find a teen-aged girl with bone-white skin and long purple hair standing above her, jostling her. The girl was dressed in a baby-blue shirt tight enough to show off her slim figure, a purple pleated skirt, purple boots, and several bracelets. Also visible were the purple straps of the backpack she still wore.
“Rarity,” Sunset croaked. Rarity eventually stopped shaking her.
“Ah. You’re finally awake,” said Rarity, her tone obviously pretending to be nonchalant but failing.
“I am now,” Sunset groused. Her eyes now adjusted, she tilted her head back to look at her window. It was covered by a light-blocking curtain, but she could see no errant rays vainly trying to make their way in. In other words, it was dark out. “What time is it?” she asked.
Rarity fidgeted for a moment before answering. “It’s, uh, four in the morning.”
Sunset’s aquamarine eyes narrowed.
“Even though you specifically told me not to come now, I swear I have a good reason for being here!” Rarity insisted as she sat on Sunset’s bed.
“I’d love to hear it,” Sunset said flatly.
“Well, um, I woke up early and didn’t have anything better to do, so I decided to pay you a visit.”
Sunset stared at Rarity with an absolutely deadpan expression. “Your home is several miles away from here, this isn’t really a safe neighbourhood for a girl like you to be walking through in the middle of the night, you don’t have a vehicle to call your own – or a driver’s license yet if I remember correctly – and I seriously doubt you stole either of your parents’ cars, so forgive me if I don’t buy it.”
“Not true,” Rarity said.
Sunset blinked. “You mean you did steal a car??”
“No, dear. I mean, I do indeed have a vehicle,” corrected Rarity with a chuckle.
“I cannot imagine you coming this far on a bicycle. Sweat doesn’t become you,” Sunset said in an affected tone clearly reminiscent of Rarity’s.
“Of course not,” said Rarity, evidently unaware of Sunset’s playful dig. “I drove…”
Sunset cocked her head in confusion after realizing Rarity had trailed off. Rarity eventually spoke again, but with much less confidence than before.
“I drove, a, um, scooter, here,” she said.
“Makes sense,” Sunset mused aloud, “No license required if the engine displacement is low enough. Kinda wish you had told me before. I’ve been driving a scooter for years; I could have given you some pointers.”
“I… don’t think you could,” Rarity said meekly, her cheeks starting to flush.
Sunset sighed. “Why not? Because I’ve barely left my apartment in two weeks? That doesn’t matter. I like to believe I could stop fearing the world long enough to help my friend learn to…”
Then Sunset realized.
“You took my scooter, didn’t you?”
Rarity closed her eyes and whimpered as she gave a single terse nod.
Sunset pulled herself out of the bed enough that she was sitting next to Rarity. She placed her hands on the young girl’s shoulders. “It’s okay,” she said.
To her surprise, that was the cue for Rarity to burst into tears.
“I’m so, so sorry! After I left your place before, I realized it was too late to walk so far, and I didn’t have enough money for a taxicab, which might have gotten me in trouble anyway. I wasn’t about to call my parents for a ride since my mother still doesn’t like you thanks to… what happened our Freshman year. I suppose I can’t blame her, really. So then I thought maybe I could call Flash Sentry, but I didn’t want you or him or my family or anyone else to get ideas in their heads. Walking around the block trying to figure out what to do, I saw your scooter sitting in the secure lot, and I figured you wouldn’t really miss it since you said you weren’t coming back to school, and I could return it to you later. I came back here and took your key – you simply must remember to lock your door, dear – and rode your scooter home. I parked it where I thought no one would see it… but Sweetie did. She tried to guilt me into confessing to our parents. I said I would, but instead I waited until everyone was asleep and made my way back here, hoping that I could leave it without you ever knowing it was gone. But then the guilt finally got the better of me and I AM SO SORRY! Of all the things I could do to ruin a friendship, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!”
Sunset sat still for a moment, stunned, briefly thanking her lucky stars that she lived at the end of the hall and didn’t have to worry about waking any neighbours. Then she pulled the still-sobbing Rarity into a loose hug, patting her back.
“You know you could have just asked to borrow my scooter.”
“…Oh. Right.” Rarity said with a hiccup. She evidently did not know that.
“Do you always get like this when you’ve had no sleep?” asked Sunset.
“Maybe,” Rarity squeaked.
Sunset chuckled. “I guess we have more in common than I thought.”
Rarity levelled a serious look at Sunset. “There is one more thing…”
“What?” Sunset asked, utterly baffled.
“Could I use your bath? I’ve spent far too much time outside, and I’m at quite a severe deficit for beauty sleep.”
“And I’m not?” Sunset muttered under her breath. Much to her surprise, Rarity did not seem to hear her.
“If I cannot at least clean myself up, then I’ll end up looking like… well… like you did when I visited yesterday (I appreciate you taking my advice and washing yourself off, by the way).”
“Thanks for the confidence boost,” Sunset snarked as she rolled her eyes. “Hey, you only have three hours before you have to leave for school. Will it be enough time to make yourself presentable?”
Rarity frowned and furrowed her brow, clearly giving Sunset’s question the seriousness it didn’t deserve. Slowly, she drew in breath. “I’ll make it work.”
Sunset buried her face in her pillow as Rarity made her way to the bathroom.
Over the next three hours, Sunset tried to get back to sleep, but was thwarted by Rarity humming as she methodically showered and primped.
“I still can’t believe you brought your own cosmetics to my apartment at four in the morning,” Sunset said as Rarity, now mostly dry from the bath, studied herself in the mirror.
“Well, it’s not like I did so specifically for this. I always carry the box with me. After all, one never knows when one might encounter a makeup emergency,” Rarity said matter-of-factly, too occupied to look at Sunset.
Sunset considered this. “You’re probably the only one who ever thinks about that.”
“Always best to be prepared, darling,” replied Rarity breezily as she removed the pore exfoliation mask from her face. “So, have you changed your mind about coming back to school?”
“No,” said Sunset. “I might be able to handle being around you, maybe the other four soon, but asking me to face over a hundred other teenagers after… everything… is too much. Plus, I’m sleepy. Circadian rhythm is all out of whack.”
“By the way, aren’t you concerned you might be held back for missing so much school?” Rarity asked.
“I haven’t worried about that in years,” replied Sunset, bored.
Just then, the radio on Sunset’s bedside table clicked on. A short snippet of a marching tune played, followed by one of the most soothing voices Rarity had ever heard talking about some businessman’s political rally.
“You actually listen to this?” asked Rarity. “It might put me right to sleep.”
Sunset looked at Rarity as if she’d grown a second head. “Of course I do. It’s always important to learn about the world, especially for me since I’m… kind of a foreigner.”
“But the news is so boring!” Rarity whined.
“Maybe so. But it means a lot more to me than some vapid boy band and an equally vapid morning zoo DJ. Why would I want to wake up to that? Why would anyone want to wake up to that?”
Rarity shrugged, unable to argue. “I swear, Sunset, sometimes the things that come out of your mouth sound so adult.”
“Uh…yeah…” Sunset said, her eyes rapidly surveying the room for nonexistent eavesdropping devices, “I, uh, guess it’s because I was originally being groomed for a power position. Til I screwed it up. …Great. Now I’m thinking about that again.”
“Oh! Sorry!” Rarity said, realizing she had accidentally forced her friend to recall unpleasant memories. “I’m really off this morning, aren’t I?”
Sunset shook her head. “It’s fine. Anyway, aren’t you ready yet? You don’t want to be late. This building may be within walking distance of CHS, but it can take longer than you think because of traffic.”
Finally, Rarity left Sunset’s bathroom, impeccably put together as always. Sunset surveyed the girl’s form and nodded, impressed. Rarity smiled, clearly confident in her own skin, as she sat down on the bed next to Sunset again.
“I guess I’m off. Thank you for not being angry with me. Shall I come to see you again after class?”
“Sure. It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere,” Sunset said.
Rarity twirled the nonexistent beard on her chin for a moment in deep thought.
“Perhaps you should,” she said. “You’ve barely left this apartment in weeks. A change of scenery might help you.”
“Maybe once I get some sleep, okay?”
Rarity nodded. “Right. And, come to think of it, you’d have to avoid the Truant Officers. I’ve heard they’re quite scary.”
Sunset groaned as she recalled her last run-in with that particular branch of the long arm of the law. She resisted the urge to let out a string of expletives, concerned it might turn the ever-proper Rarity against her. That, and some of Sunset’s favourite colourful words came from Classical Equestrian and might just confuse anyone who wasn’t a well-read ex-horse.
“How about this,” Rarity said as she grabbed Sunset’s hands in her own. “I’ll come by again after class, and we can perhaps take a walk together. It might be easier to deal with a crowd if you have a friend by your side, yes?”
Sunset lolled her head in vague agreement. “I guess so. Not really much in the immediate area unless you like urban decay. But there is a decent burrito place a few blocks from here that does student and early-bird discounts. Ever tried it?”
Rarity shook her head. “No, but I’m willing to. Eventually.”
“Good,” said Sunset as she stood up and slowly guided Rarity to the door. “I look forward to it. Now please leave so I can get back to sleep.”
“Fine, fine,” Rarity replied, smiling, a slight blush tinting her pale cheeks. “See you late—”
Their respective trains of thought were interrupted by a tremendous boom that shook the entire building. Sunset stood still for a second, confused, then she fast-walked away from the front door, her right hand clutching Rarity’s wrist. She slid open the dusty red curtain that normally blocked most of the natural light in that half of her apartment. As she expected, a massive downpour greeted them.
Rarity whimpered as she absentmindedly twirled her already-wavy hair around a finger.
“Well,” Sunset said, “On the plus side, this will help me sleep, and the grey perfectly fits my mood. On the other hand…” She looked at Rarity, her face a half-smile.
“May I borrow an umbrella, please, Sunset?” Rarity asked, her blush deepening.
“Of course you may. Thank you for asking,” answered Sunset, her warmth a bit forced. By the time she had found her magenta umbrella to give to Rarity, her smile was as genuine as she could manage, though her eyes belied a deep weariness.
“I know it’s not the best, but it’ll have to do. Be careful out there, okay?” Sunset said as she handed over the umbrella.
“I’ll be fine, dear,” Rarity said. “Just… stay well today, okay?”
She wrapped Sunset in a hug. Sunset, for her part, appreciated the contact. Perhaps, Sunset thought, there really is something worth existing for in this life, beyond a vast bleak Nothing. After all, I have one friend now, and the potential to have at least four or five more, which is better than what I had in Equestria. Rarity’s a good kid. She really didn’t deserve what I did to her, and I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I don’t know if I can ever accept it. I’ll accept eating a burrito with her. I hope she likes the place. She’s warm. And… feeling kind of heavy.
Sunset snapped out of her thoughts and noticed she was still firmly in Rarity’s embrace. Rarity’s face rested upon Sunset’s shoulder, her eyes closed, breathing soft and slow.
“Uh, Rarity? You alright?”
No answer beyond a quiet snore.
“I guess I can’t really be surprised,” Sunset said to her somnolent friend. “You got even less sleep than I did. Though I am impressed you can fall asleep that fast. Let me get you somewhere more comfortable, okay?”
Slowly, Sunset backed through the living room, Rarity still wrapped around her, until she reached the sofa, a plush blue thrift-store model with an abstract afghan draped over the back. Then she carefully disentangled herself so she could lay Rarity out. That accomplished, she covered her friend in the afghan and, after rooting through Rarity’s bag to take her cellphone, quietly made her way back to the bedroom.
Sunset pulled out her own phone – which had no service due to nonpayment, but its address book was still intact – looked up a number, and dialed it on Rarity’s phone.
It had been a long time since she called in a favour from Vice Principal Luna, and the two were not on the best of terms at the moment thanks to that little demon incident. Still, Sunset was determined to ensure Rarity not face any adverse effects from being late to school or skipping it entirely. Perhaps it was the fact that Sunset was attempting to help someone else, maybe it was because she asked nicely, or maybe it was because Sunset appealed to Luna’s innate desire to undermine the system. Regardless of the reason, Luna eventually agreed to falsify paperwork so Rarity could return to classes without needing to have the CHS office sign off on it. In exchange, Sunset would sit the next standardized test twice – her score alone netted the school a significant chunk of school funding, and the CHS administration had come to rely on her to hit their annual budget window; neither side cared about the illegalities so long as they both benefited. Sunset hated the busywork, but figured her new best friend was more than worth it.
Satisfied, Sunset turned off the phone and, in a fluid motion, ensconced herself in her bed, wrapping her comforter around herself, becoming the burrito, allowing the power of sleep to overtake her, hoping that her dreams would be pleasant this time.
Author's Note
Read Me.
