Angel on the Sideline

by -Haze-

Rating: everyone
Tags: Tragedy
Length: 5814

My biggest regret is that I gave upon life the freedom of will.

The realm I found myself trapped in was a horrendous experience like no other. It was from that harsh reality that I forged a path to lose the empty void of nothingness, and bring about an everlasting light that would enshroud the world like the warmth of a mothers caring embrace.

How pitiful of me to believe such a tranquil existence was within the realm of conceivability.

Pre-read by: General Skullcoat, and ShadowblazeCR

First story for NaPoWriMo 2016

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-07 00:10:01 UTC

Baffled and Confused

The howling winds of the void scraped across my being like a caressing hand from a caring mother, filling me with a sense of satisfaction unachievable by any other force in this empty existence. As the feeling passed through me, I felt myself jolt awake, only to find the same blank imagery I grew to know too well. It was like a sheet of black, forgetful, oblivion shrouded my consciousness, as if I were to be blind to the true pleasures of reality.

I pushed myself upright, looking upon the obscure, blurry landscape like a watcher whom no soul shall be gazed upon. I began to take a tentative step towards an unknown destination, for all I knew there was nothing out here in this pit of nothingness.

How long have I been trapped of this cycle -- how long have I been stuck in this repeating horror? The mere concept of it along is beyond my comprehension, for my beginning is even unknown to myself. I’ve just been, and always have existed in this damnable cesspool that I call the waking realm.

Woosh, woosh

The winds that plagued this land continued to rush across it like a whisper of promised paradise. So delicate was the touch that it left me without desire -- without the need to find reason for why I have been lost for so long. They are so caring that I can not tell whether they mean good will, or bad omen.

I pushed passed that uncertainty as I changed my trek, and headed towards the direction the wind howled from like a moaning stranger of great need. Whatever this breeze wanted of me, I would see and obey, for it is the only significant evidence that I am not alone. If there is one word that I would describe myself with, it would be lonely.

It’s like I’m trapped in a ocean with no surface, forever tortured by my lungs filling to the brim with the dark water of wretched damnation. I force myself to push pass this ever increasing pressure, and cup my hands to give my pace a boost in speed.

The breeze stopped suddenly, and I uncovered my eyes to see why, to my surprise there was a hill -- no mountain blocking the path before me. It soared so high that I couldn’t see the top. It was like a beacon, only instead of spreading light, it sent out beams of dark malice.

I looked left, and then right. I repeated this action several more times, for the edges of the mountain, too, spread across the land for what seemed like eternity. Was this rock of ill fate meant to show me that my quest to discover the source of this comforting gust of wind was for nought? If so, was this a sign to show me that I shall be, and always be stuck in a state of everlasting ennui? Forever to be pulled along by the slight chance of one day finding a way to break this curse that has been placed upon me like unwanted luggage?

I shook myself for composure, and continued to gaze upon the towering rock, peering into it like my sight would burn a hole through it, almost like if my will had a physical force. The ground started to rock back and forth like a cradle a newborn babe would be lying in, lulling me into a sleeping daze, as the wall before me began to part like a divergence of two disagreeing parties.

It split apart right in two, making a trench that held a path to the other side. I felt a shiver crawl up me like a spirit trying to warn me of the ill fate that lay before me, but much like a naive child, I took my first step into the chasm without so much as a second thought.

I let the will within me carry me into my own demise, like a trap laced with a scrumptious reward, almost like a intoxicating feeling of euphoria that would forever force you into making a decision that’d feel you to the brim with regret.

I felt no such regret, for the sight I saw at the end of this tunnel was unlike anything I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. It was indescribable, for it was just to brilliant, like a flame that filled you with mirthful warmth. A beaming eye that stared down upon you with guidance of wisdom, and care to protect you from the night’s deceitful, malicious intents.

I almost fell to my knees, the pure bliss of this moment lulling me into a state of pure satisfaction. What lay before me was a light -- a light that welcomed me in with open arms, wrapping around me like a blanket of comfort.

As I left the darkness behind, I took a glance behind me seeing that the mountain that was there before was gone. It was like a tidal wave washed through the land, but instead of bringing carnage, it brought about a resurrection of all that was good and serene.

There was no turning back now, this was where the breeze lay -- this is where I shall find the answer to my solitude. I continue to make my way towards this light, the brightness increasing in magnitude the more I traveled. As it reached a crescendo, I felt a feeling I’ve never felt before, happiness.

I blinked slowly, letting the scenery around me sink in. What I saw was a sight like no other, for there was no comparison to be made. Below me was a pile of gloop, with a texture of fluid sand that brought to me a sense of curiosity.

I reached down to pick it up, and it clinged to my hand like a child afraid of a strange figure. After a moment, it stopped its sporadic movement, and began to float in the air in front of me, forming into what looked like a sphere. It span slowly, its rhythmic movement drawing me closer like a moth drawn to a flame. So close was I that I almost walked straight into it, stopping just short as I snapped out of my daze.

I then placed my hand upon the sphere’s surface, letting the filling of its touch feel me with mirth. There was nothing like it, no other experience that could quite compare to this benevolent moment of historic significance. What shocked me to the core, however, was how the sphere reacted to my touch. From where my palm lay, a group of trees sprouted like a beacon of hope in my life of bitter disappointment, and letdown.

Stunned -- stunned was the only word to describe the emotion that overcame my being. It was like a dam had broke, and all of its life giving water spilled into me. I shook myself, trying to get rid of the illusion in front of me; it was too good to be true. What greeted me, however, was quite the opposite. Instead of a lack of trees, there was instead a mass of them all together. It was like a group of fish coming together to better survive an attack from a predator, for these trees all stuck next to each other to remain strong.

I shivered with all the glee of a child on their birthday. To me this was more than I could possibly ask for, more than I could possibly desire, and more than I could properly wrap my mind around. I simply couldn’t fathom the depths of the visage in front of me, for it was beyond all comprehension.

I put my hands upon this world, oh did I put my hands upon it. I was like a spider weaving its web, taking meticulous care in every minute detail. This was my creation, this was all of myself being poured upon this sphere that appeared before me just a few moments ago. From rivers, to the seas; from the ground, to the air; from the grassy plains, to the high peaks of the mightiest mountains; and from myself, to the land before me. I created a world of unimaginable beauty, a sight too wondrous for even myself to gaze upon.

Then something unexpected happened; there was movement, and not movement made by my own accord, but instead movement from another living creature on the world I created. It walked on four legs, and had the shiniest, brightest coat. Oh, and its eyes were filled with such passion that it brought me to tears. Such a lovely creature -- such a divine sight to behold.

Before I could completely get my bearings over this stupendous event, another one of those creatures appeared alongside the other, this one having a more voluptuous and svelte form. I do not know why, but I felt the compulsion to intervene. I put my finger behind the bigger of the two, and nudged them over to the other. As they were alongside each other, they both stared into each others souls. Oh, I know, they were a male and a female, and they were bound to fall in love. Such a powerful feeling, and one I wish to spread to these two for I too loved them with all my being.

I just looked down before them, watching as they lived out their lives. They frolicked in the fields I made, they swan in the creeks I poured my soul into, they even ate upon the fruit I brought to life upon the trees I created. Truly something to be admired.

I wanted to know more -- I wanted to understand the inner workings of the life I made with all the passion of these two lovers bond. I turned the globe, letting myself peer into the future of the world I brought into existence. What I saw left me without a single word, for it was just too rich, and awe inspiring.

Groups, upon groups of the same two creatures as I saw before. This time they had housing -- little cottages to keep them comfort, and protect them from the outside elements. I looked around, and saw yet another detail of merit. There seemed to be another version of this creature, very similar, yet different. This type of what I’ll call ponies had wings to fly with, soaring across the skies without a care in the world.

What sort of gift was this; who bestowed upon me this opportunity? Why was all of this happening to me? These were all the questions that flowed through my head like a raging river through a mountain range. Inconceivability, and unfathomability, and improbability. All these words, and yet nothing could describe the moment well enough. It was like a suit that was too tight, not enough room to stretch, and relax.

What did the future hold for this species? I had to know -- I had to see it all, for it was just too wondrous. It was like a symphony played with the finest instruments, for the tune was pitch perfect.

I turned the globe once again, letting the time race by as I continued to look into the future of my creation. What would I see this time? What more can become of this precious package? It was already just right, so there couldn’t possibly be more?

I was wrong, for there was so much more to discover. In the plentiful mountain ranges I crafted there lied a castle of sorts. The architecture seeming to be masterfully constructed. Purple banners hanging on the walls, and ponies going about their daily routines in the castle’s courtyard. Wait, this was yet another type of pony. Sitting atop their heads were what looked like a horn. A decoration to signify their birthright.

I turned to the other corners of the globe, curious as to how the other two races were fairing. To the skies the ponies with wings -- pegasi I’ll call them -- were constructing homes made of clouds. Something not even I thought possible. What is this feeling I’m feeling? Proud, that’s it, proud.

To the ground the what I’ll call Earth Ponies were harvesting crops, and making use of the elements for their own benefit. It was all so harmonious; a peaceful world of docile inhabitants. Maybe they should interact with each other, maybe they will be friends?

Reaching a singular finger down to the world, I used my will to nudge the three nations together. Smiling from my handiwork, I decided to turn the globe again, seeing as to what my interaction had done.

What I saw frightened me to the core. The world -- my world was frozen with a icy texture of pure hatred. The entire globe covered in feet, upon yards, upon miles of snow. There seemed to be no end to this chaos -- there seemed to be no end to this travesty. Oh, no. What about the ponies, I hope they haven’t suffered the same fate as the world around them.

To my relief, there seemed to be settlements of all three nations, only this time they seemed much less lively. What could have caused this -- what sort of monster would do this to my precious creation?

I saw a group of earth ponies walking towards the castle, in the skies a group of pegasi followed. I had to know what was the matter -- I had to find out the cause of this monstrosity of cataclysmic proportions.

I leered through the largest window on the castle, most likely the main room of the Unicorns home. Inside was worse than the likes of the outside. It was like biting into a sour apple, only to find out that the inside was filled with worms. They were at each other's throats, all three races battling with such harsh words that it made my soul fall into a bottomless pit of sorrow.

Why, why would they do this to each other? Don’t they know that they are perfect just the way they are? There is no need for this violence -- there is no need for this pointless conflict. It was then that I gasped for the realization that came over me; I was the cause of this, it was all my fault. I was the one that nudged the races closer to each other -- I was the one who demanded to see how they would fare when they worked together.

No longer able to stomach the scene before me, I turned to look at the poor shape of the world, for its nastiness was more tasteful than the ponies bickering. I should have stayed with the arguing ponies.

The pegasi and the earth ponies were fighting each other, no they were killing each other. I simply couldn’t handle this any longer, for I felt my entire being collapsing in on itself. I went to turn away, but before I could, I saw a sight which filled me with such disgust.

Creatures of frigid features, and icy souls enveloped around the fighting ponies, making the snowstorm around them all the more powerful. This was the culprit behind this tragedy -- this was the fiend turning the world into a cesspool of suffering.

I had to do something -- I had to set things right. As the creator of these ponies it was my sovereign duty to make sure they lived out content, peaceful lives. They should not suffer -- they should not wholly in their own folly. I reached up towards the light above, grasping hold of its benevolent, and soothing warmth. Pouring all of my being into this beam of light, I created two beings who would restore the harmony of the world.

I gave them all of the attributes of the three pony races: flight to have the sight of an eagle, horns to command the magic of the world, and the earth ponies connection to the world. All of these positive qualities making them the perfect acolytes of my being on this world.

One was as bright as the day, to bring about prosperity, and share her mothering nature to all her fellow ponies. The other was as cool as the night, brought about to protect the countryside with her powerful control over all that set foot at the dusk's shrouding curtain.

When they descended from the heavens above, it was like a miracle had been born. The land they touched with their majestic hooves instantly vanquished the snow around it, causing all the ponies around them to gasp in awe. The monsters that surrounded them stopping to see what had stopped their malicious game.

They just remained stoic, looking over the ponies who had gathered to gaze upon their slender, svelte, and lovely forms. They merely smiled, giving them the same loving appreciation I gave when I first laid eyes upon this wonderful creation.

I knew all would be put to rest now -- I knew all was going to be just fine. This was my gift to the ponies -- this was my representative on this world. If they were anything like me, and they are me, then they’d make sure nothing bad would ever happen again.

Content with the action I took, I decided to peer slightly further into the world's future, seeing if my choice truly worked out for the better. What greeted me was like a breath of fresh air, for it made my heart skip a beat in glee. The world was no longer an apocalyptic wasteland covered in snow, now it was as it was before, only now all the different pony tribes were working as one under the banner of the two pony sisters I made to watch over them as a guardian.

I even saw a new castle, one inside a forest that seemed to emanate a welcoming feeling of acceptance. Looking inside I saw the sun pony, whom I’ll call Celestia, talking to her subjects about discrepancies they had about their lives. Yes, this is what I wanted -- this is what I needed.

I stopped looking inside the castle to take glance at the rest of their society. That’s when I saw a lone house atop a small hill, desolate, and away from the rest of its companions. It had a staple on the top that held a sun and a moon circling each other. Curious as to why this was so, I looked into the building for answers.

I gasped.

They were all closing their eyes in unison, and kneeling their heads towards an altar of the two pony sisters. They… they were worshiping them, and in turn they were worshiping me. This shouldn’t be -- this shouldn’t be aloud. I am no better than they are -- I am not worthy of such praise. All the accomplishments they have achieved have been mostly them, so they should have pride within themselves.

I am unsettled by this turn of events, sure life has improved for them, and I rejoice in that, but to see them get to their knees and give all the credit to me. That is simply too much, and I will not be welcoming it with open arms. It is like giving praise to water for provided you the means to drink, yet forgetting that it is just another part of life, and should not get any more praise than you -- yourself.

I cupped my face with my hands, lost in my thoughts like it was a labyrinth that never ended. It should not be this complicated, life should not be so difficult to tatter, and burn asunder. If you just gave your neighbor love, and if you just lived as if everyday was precious, then all would be alright. The miracle of their existence should be enough to motivate them to live their lives to the fullest; why is this not the reality of the situation?

Certainly my two acolytes will deal with this. They are me, after all, so they know that this is not what I would like to see in my creation. I know that it won’t happen in just one day, so I’ll have to go even further into the future to get to the point of interest.

I turned the globe once again, this time going a couple hundred years or so, but what greeted me was something far worse than when the land was covered in thick, unforgiving snow. I saw two armies ready to do battle: one clad in dark blue armor, and the other in lustrous gold. I saw their commander give their speeches, and I saw them all bow in praise again. One for their sun goddess, Celestia, and the other to their night mistress, Luna.

They divided against each other -- I was divided against myself. How did this come to be, and why did this come to be? I would never do this to the ponies I love so much. Why is it that with all the effort I put into establishing peace to the world, that it just ignores the point entirely, and just decided to kneel over and puke up all its innards like my love was some sort of poison?

Where is Celestia and Luna, I have to see what has become of them. Looking to and fro, I found them doing battle at the castle of the two sisters, the forest now sucking the life out of the atmosphere.

I almost fell over, for I felt like my being was also going to crack and spill all its remains into the world which has ripped itself into two. I couldn’t take it, it was like a knife was slowly being pushed into my side, and when I thought it would stop, it decided to twist itself and quadruple the pain it dealt.

Almost as if my request had been heard by them, I saw Celestia rise into the air with six stones circling her. The power they emanated was much like the power used to create this world. I saw her charge up her horn, and blast out a beam of prismatic beauty. Well, as beautiful a beam can be when used to send a loved one to their demise.

It was then that I saw Celestia stare up at the moon, the new home of her sister and my other half. As she let out her tears, so did I, much like a waterfall giving the world its life bestowing elixir. It lasted for what seemed like weeks; I wouldn’t have known, though, I was to distraught to tell how much time had passed.

I will always remember this day, for I have learned a valuable lesson. Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven, conscious of his fleeting time here.

Not able to bear to look upon this world any longer, I turned away and went to lay my head to rest. Too much has happened in the most atrocious of ways that I need a break. If I wake from the coma of my split being, then let's hope like water I’ll be able to flow through the world like I did before, and quench the thirsty souls of all my beloved ponies.

The world is like a double edged sword trapped between two thin strings. If pushed too far in either direction, good or bad, than tragedy is sure to strike. The mind of the world snapping much like the string cut by the sword.

*  *  *  *

Woosh, woosh.

The cool breeze brushed across me like a signal of soon to be joy, leaving the shivering grub that was my soul to eat away at the guilt I buried deep inside. The images of the horror I witnessed -- I created forcing me to turn to and fro, and grasp the cold ground below like a desperate child looking for acceptance.

It demanded of me to stand, and bear witness again to the travesty; I refused. I would not let myself look upon the disgrace I made, and I would not let myself succumb to the same deceitful passion that drove me to commit such a sin.

Woosh, woosh.

Be gone with you foul wind, you are not wanted here. I would rather let a nine inch nail sink deep into my skin, than let you disillusion me for a second time. I will wait here -- I will wait here, and I will not move until all is rot and forgotten. That is the best I can hope for, and the most pleasant outcome to come about from this hideous disease.

I felt my guts swishing, and swashing, and turning, and grinding up against each other like a star about to collapse in on itself, only that with my demise there would not be anything left. All that will remain would be the ashes of my soul, burnt apart by my own greed filled passion to find absolution in this world of empty answers.

Woosh, woosh

Fine! I’ll answer your call, if only for you to stop torturing me like a prisoner of war. I stood up slowly, for I felt weaker than a blade of grass in a hurricane. I wibbled and wobbled at first, but I managed to get my bearings. I then turned to look behind me, not shocked in the slightest to see the sphere of my own destruction.

I walked to it much like a prisoner to their death bed, ready to taste the bitter taste of poison that the guard was sure to inject into my being. In front of the world, I decided to cut to the chase and move further into the future, not expecting much.

I should have known better than that, for I felt the instant relief a homeless pony would feel after having a nice, hot bath. Everything was at peace, no churches to be seen, no conflict to be enacted, and no more tragedies to bear witness to.

Is this what I was missing out on -- was this the true nature of my creation? If so, then I’d call myself happier than a mother after holding her offspring for the first time. It was like the viscous feeling of honey running down your throat; so smooth, yet delightfully delicious.

It was then that the light above me parted the foggy clouds of my vision, and guided me to this quaint little town just outside where the unicorns used to live in the days of old. All the ponies of each tribe were living in absolute harmony with no qualms to be seen. I saw pegasi watching the whether, earth ponies selling produce, and unicorns taking care of meticulous intellectual duties.

It seems to me that the world has finally come to its senses, and has learned to move beyond its sins of the past. The folly of our nature not seeming to be as much of a devastating conundrum as I once thought.

Woosh, woosh

The wind brushed against me once more, this time it came from what seemed like a small tree home in the center of the town. I moved closer, most curious as to why the wind would ask me to look at such a minute detail of the humongous world that I created with all the care of a patient artiest.

Inside was the most precious of souls, one matched by no other pony on the face of the world, and that went for the entirety of their history. Not even the two solar diarchs I created for the sole purpose of creating harmony compared to the nature of this pony by the name of, Twilight Sparkle.

With all of the will within my being, I gazed into her own personal history. What I saw was a tale of such hardship, such success, and such sorrow. From her victories over Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Tirek, and too her successes like tutoring Starlight Glimmer, I saw it all.

From pouring myself into the small, little pony, a small part of me became a part of her. Whenever she smiled, I smiled, and whenever she cried, I cried. The connection we felt was that of a father and daughter, only I was never in her life like any good father should.

I did help from time to time, but only with minor details such as lighting up certain areas of rooms where she needed to find an answer to defeat some evil baddy, and the like. Either way I found solace with this pony. If this was all my life would amount to, this ponies creation and life, then I would be content with myself.

If I were to have any regrets with my life, it would be that her life would have to be extinguished much like all of her fellow ponies. Most sad of all, her friends, all of which went before her -- herself.

I hung my head low in silence, knowing that my time with such a divine mare has come to an end. I even sighed, the repercussions of which leading to a overcast of the skies of Equestria. Rain is death, after all. All life returns to the land once it dies, and as such, the river of life. The cycle beginning anew like the rebirth of the universe when all light has been put to rest.

I must have blanked out for what seemed like eternity, for the landscape of Equestria had shifted in form without my say so. I didn’t look into the future, so why has all of the world changed in front of my own eyes?

Oh, no… Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! Why, why would they do this to themselves? Especially after having such a wonderful time with Twilight’s reign? It seems even the deaths of martyrs can’t quench the lust of destruction locked deep inside ponies souls.

In front of me was no land, no, it was a forest of machines and metallic abominations. Buildings so tall they scraped up against the sky covered the land like a pesky weed with roots buried so deep into the earth, that there was no turning back from their destruction.

None of the ponies even seemed like they were living, it was like they were controlled by the powers above -- the powers being the elite who sat upon their chairs high above the land like a bird of prey. The smog they produced with their sinful creations covered Equestria like a blanket covered with a disease that’d wipe out all life on their precious, precious world.

Was this the fault of free will? Was it better to be a pony who chooses to be evil, rather than a pony forced to be good? Two questions that plagued my mind like rats inside a never ending sewer.

It seems to me that if given the power, ponies will take control of their fellow neighbors. It did not matter how much love, and harmony was applied to the world, tyranny would still find a way to turn its ugly head.

Woosh, woosh

The gust of mysterious kindness brushed against me once more. What is it trying to say to me? What is it trying to accomplish? I looked towards the source of the wind once more, and saw that it came from the highest of all towers in this never ending city. Moving towards it I peered inside, only to see the most vile thing that I ever laid my eyes on. There was a small group of fat, disgusting looking ponies. Manes receding, and teeth rotting. All of which at panels that seemed to be used to control the populace of the world they lived in.

I cried -- I cried and did not stop. This was all my fault, all this suffering, and all this misery, it was all done by my hand. It was my choice to bring life to this world, and it was my choice to give free will to the populace of the land. I only wanted them to live together in harmony -- I just wanted something to make me not so lonely anymore.

I had to put an end to it, if not for myself then for the ponies that live on this crummy world. I stood back from the sphere one last time, looking upon it like it was the epicenter of all of sin itself. I sighed, shaking my head in my own ennui.

Life upon this world was like a symphony of all the greatest musicians of the world, only that the conductor was too arrogant for his own good. The conductor being myself, and my own pathetic will to try and bring change to this existence that lasts for ephemeral.

I held my fist in the air, shaking as I channeled all of my emotions into it much like a monk channels all of the energy of the world into himself. Only this was negative energy, not positive, for only a negative reaction can cancel out another negative.

I slammed my fist into the world I created, turning away for it was too horrendous to bear witness. I should have left the world alone, walked away and never returned, for I felt the most intense feeling of pain anyone could ever feel just then.

The world started to envelop me like a chrysalis envelops a caterpillar before it turned into a butterfly, only I would not be reborn as something as beautiful. More and more was I enshrouded in this goop of spiteful rage; it rushed upon me like a starving pony that found a free meal, only that I was the meal, and the gloopy hell that attacked me was the pony.

I was now completed covered, screaming with all the will I had to muster; it did nothing. I just slowly melted -- melted so fast that I had no time to react to the sudden change of stature that I held. Bit by bit I fell further and further much like the cesspool that my creation fell as I tried to set it right.

It seems that I will be the one returning to the earth, forever stuck in a cycle of rebirth that lead only to misery.

Woosh, woosh.

It seems the wind was not meant to lure me into a paradise of everlasting glee, no, it was a warning to leave this land and never return. Well, it’s not like it mattered anymore, anyway. I’ll be gone in only a few more seconds, and all that will remain will be the gloop of my destruction.

Three, two, one...