Chapter 9: Scarstruck

I awoke feeling miserable, which was a sharp contrast to the state I’d gone to sleep in. I felt that deep ache in my muscles, only so much worse now than the other day. My heart was racing, and I was sweating even though I felt so, so cold. I’d wrapped Xinnia’s blanket tighter around myself but it was no help. I was reminded of how little I’d eaten recently when my stomach suddenly and without warning chose to suddenly expel its meager contents onto the mattress - mostly bile and stomach acid flecked with blood. I felt too sick to even care that I was practically laying in a puddle of my own vomit.

And there, amidst the wretched agony, in the back of my mind, lay the thought. I knew what I needed. I knew what would make this all go away. Why should I fight it? It felt good, didn’t it? “Just admit that you need me,” I heard a smooth voice whisper to me, the voice of my invisible lover, who had comforted me when nopony else could; who made me feel so special and good when we were together.

It took so much effort just to raise my head and look through bleary eyes at Sapphire and Phantasia, to make sure that both ponies were still sleeping soundly. They couldn’t know. I could never let them find out, or I’d lose them for sure. They needed me, but only as long as I kept up that strong and confident facade. Phantasia needed to believe I could help her find her colt. Sapphire needed to believe that I could protect him. So I had no choice. I had to let him prop me up. Become the supporting bracers on my limbs. I couldn’t go back to being alone.

I could barely lift the injector; it took nearly everything I had to fish it out of my bags. Once I had it I quickly pulled the blanket over myself so no one could see me take the shot. The protective cap came off, and I felt the needle push into my flesh. And then I felt my racing heart skip a beat as I was certain that the incriminating hiss of the auto-injector was reverberating from the walls. I was sure they heard it.

And then, within moments, none of that mattered. My pulse slowed to normal, the ache in my body faded away, and I felt my lover embrace me once more, reassuring me that everything would be all right; that he’d protect me from all the bad and scary things inside so that I could be strong for them.

There was still a bitter note to the euphoria this time. Cherry Bomb had been right. I needed the Med-X just to function now. He and I could never be apart again. And above all else, I had to keep that secret. Still, it was hard to feel bad for long when enveloped in his influence. There was just one thing I had to do.

With great effort, I pulled the stained mattress from the bedframe and hauled it to the storage area, buried the used injector underneath it, then returned with a fresh one to replace it on the empty bedframe. I laid down again with a slight grin, feeling confident that I had completed the deception without waking either of the sleeping ponies.

Sapphire Sparkle was watching me with his big grey eyes. He smiled when I finally noticed him. “Hey, Midnight,” he said in a soft murmur.

I replied with a gentle smile of my own, and said in the same low voice. “Hey yourself.”

“What’re you moving the mattress for?” he asked.

Shit. He caught me.

Thinking quick, I replied, “Oh, I... just wasn’t feeling good this morning when I woke up. I threw up a little is all.”

His face turned concerned as he asked, “Oh. You alright?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine now.”

He nodded gently. “Are you… still ok with what happened last night?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I said, leaning over to brush his mane lightly with a hoof. “It was… good. Great, actually.” I chuckled softly, then looked at him with a more serious expression. “Are you?”

Sapphire scrunched his face a bit. “Yes… no… I’m not sure…” He sighed. “I mean, part of me wanted to… I do like you and stuff, you know. But then some of it was just acting on reflex. Programming, or something like that. And I feel like… I shouldn’t have subjected you to it. I mean, it’s kind of obvious that you like Phantasia, even though we just met her…”

I laughed softly, turning so that we could face each other while still lying on the beds, he on his stomach, myself on my back. “Oh don’t worry about that bit. I’m… just not a big believer in that idea that you only get one special somepony.”

He snorted. “Greedy much?”

“Guilty as charged,” I grinned, then took on a more somber expression. “As for that… yeah. I can’t help it, she’s an... amazingly attractive pony.” I gently shook my head, adding, “But I know this is a really hard time for her emotionally, and that’s only gonna get worse once we get outside and she really sees what’s out there. And I’m not going to try to take advantage of that just to get laid.”
Sapphire was looking at me with a playful smirk. “You’re a better pony than I,” he said.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Oh, stop,” I said, then continued more seriously, “I mean...she’s just lost her special somepony. She needs to process that before she’s ready to think about having another…” I trailed off a moment, swirling a hoof in the air. “I guess what I’m saying is that if she and I end up being together - and that’s a big ‘if’ at this point - I want it to be more than just a fling, you know?”

Sapphire nodded, then gave me that smirk again. “Yeah? And what about me?”

I grinned at him. “It’s a little late for that now, don’t you think?”

He laughed softly and batted at one of my hooves. “Midnight,” he gently admonished, “I’m being serious here.”

Sapphire shook his head gently at me, his smile fading, and touched his hoof to mine as his tone became more serious. “I’ve… I mean, that’s been just work, for as long as I remember. It’s what I do. It’s about the only thing I’m actually good at.“ He looked so incredibly sad as he said those words. “But see… I never got to do it because I wanted to. Because it was someone I liked and wanted to do it with. It was always a customer, someone chosen for me, someone who picked me out; what I wanted never mattered. And then, when I went to prison...” he started, then just squeezed his eyes shut tight shaking his head. “Well, let’s... not talk about that.” He took a couple of deep breaths to still himself. It was easy to see that his time there had not been easy for him. No wonder he was so eager to escape.

After a moment, he continued. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that if… if that happens again, I want it to be because both of us want it. Not because I had some kind of automated response and you played along with it.”

“Well, you had gotten me pretty worked up by that point, so it wasn’t just playing along,” I admitted with a grin.

“You know what I mean, Midnight,” he said with a smirk.

I nodded. “I do. And I feel the same way. And just to set the record straight, no, I’m not going to just use you and toss you aside, either. I care about you a lot, you know?” That brought his smile back, and I ruffled his mane again.

Just then I noticed Phantasia sitting up in her bed, a placid look on her face as she watched us. “‘Mornin’ sunshine,” I called to her, waving a wing. I was deep in that relaxed, uninhibited state Med-X created in me and I had to remind myself not to get too silly.

Sapphire gasped as he looked over to Phantasia, his cheeks turning a bright red. “H-how long were you listening?” he asked nervously.

“Long enough,” she replied enigmatically, and began to quietly dress herself.

I noticed her stable barding was stiff, caked with what was obviously dried blood. She paused a moment to scowl at the stained garment, then tossed it aside before walking out of the room. I flitted after her, catching up in the hallway. I wasn’t quite sure what to say, so I started with a simple and obvious question. “So, how did your walk go?”

Phantasia’s reply was far more terse than usual. “Fine. I saw what I needed to see.”

I nodded. “Oh. You… run into some trouble?”

“No, no trouble,” she said with a simple shake of her head. She opened the door to the storage area and began to fish through the containers for another set of stable barding.

I didn’t understand. She was so closed off today, so unlike the previous night. Brushing a wing softly over her shoulder, I asked again. “Phantasia, talk to me… what did you see?”

She was trembling, fighting back her emotions. “I saw my house… what was left of it. That… that was a mistake.”

“That bad, huh,” I asked, my wing embracing the cyber-pony, holding her against my side. “I can’t blame you. I’d have wanted to see, too.”

She stilled herself with a deep breath, and nudged me away from her. “It doesn’t matter,” she said coldly. She unsealed the package and pulled on the tight blue and yellow garment, tearing off the sleeves to allow her access to her foreleg panels.

“Phantasia,” I said gently, trying to reach out to her again.

She wheeled on me with a glare. That same look I’d seen in her eyes when we first met. It was one of the most frightening things I’d ever seen. “Nothing matters to me but finding Starlight.” She spoke slowly, emphasizing the word. “No-thing. You understand?”

I nodded, shrinking back from that hateful look, wondering what I’d done to earn this vitriol from her.

“I don’t care what you two do in the off-hours, but leave me out of it. I am here only so long as our goals align. If you get distracted; if you forget, I’m gone. If you get in my way, I. Will. Fucking. End. You. And that is all you need to know about me, moonspawn.”

She shoved her way roughly past me and trotted off, leaving me alone in the storage room. Her words had cut me deeply, the slur in particular, and even Med-X couldn’t dull the way they’d hurt. I thought we’d reached an understanding. I’d thought we were friends, or at least had the potential to be. And the hope had glimmered in the back of my mind that maybe, someday, we could be more.

I sank to the floor in tears, trying and failing to understand. Why? What had changed her so much while I was asleep? Was it seeing what had become of her home that had turned her so cold? Or was it something else entirely? Was it me? It was probably me. I didn’t know why, but I started to feel like there was something fundamentally wrong with me, and had been even in my previous life. Something that inevitably drove ponies away when they figured it out. When they realized they couldn’t fix it.

It took me a good long while to gather myself up enough to leave the storage room. By that time, Phantasia and Sapphire were both fully dressed and outfitted and waiting for me. Phantasia had mounted Frostbite on a battle saddle and was wearing that with a leather breastplate. Sapphire had donned a few pieces of leather as well over his Stable barding. He’d taken a moment to trade me Ghost and Specter for Lily, telling me he had no skill with magical energy weapons and preferred more traditional guns. I didn’t care.

I would rather have gone back to bed, but we couldn’t spend any more time here. I’d thought about just taking another shot and pretending everything was normal and fine, but I only had two left and I had to make them last.

As we took the slow elevator ride up to the surface, finally leaving 113 behind for good, Sapphire had mentioned that we needed to return to Sweetsprings to pick up some more food and supplies which sparked an argument with Phantasia that I didn’t want to be involved in. I simply closed my eyes and tried not to listen to them bicker, hearing their voices but not understanding the words. But eventually, they had both turned to me, looking to me to make the final call.

I didn’t want this. Again, ponies were looking to me to be the decision-maker. The leader. They couldn’t have picked a worse pony for the job. I wanted to run; to just fly away and forget everything. I’d look for Aces on my own, when I got around to it. But my promise to Sapphire tethered me to the ground, where my miserable mood made taking that second jab quite tempting, and I was even starting to not care if they saw me do it. But then I saw another pony between them, sitting at the edge of the big metal plate that formed the Stable’s entrance.

Without a word, I pushed past the pair to slowly approach the filly, stopping at the edge of the plate. They eventually turned and followed me, and she cowered under the gaze of three grown ponies.

She was the saddest-looking filly I’d ever seen. Not that I could recall any to compare her to, but if I was asked to pick a photo for Saddest Filly Ever, she’d win. Properly cared-for, she’d have been a pretty little thing, with a warm gingerbread coat that turned creamy white at her fetlocks, and a mane that had chocolate and vanilla stripes to match. She was on the cusp of the age where fillies normally got their cutie marks, but she did not have hers.

She looked like she’d been through hell. She wore nothing but a metal collar with a thick chain dragging behind it, attacked to some kind of fixture that looked like it’d been ripped out of a wall or floor. All four legs were similarly bound, chained together in such a way that’d allow her to walk, but not to run. All of these had chafed and rubbed the skin raw beneath.

Her ribs and spine were clearly showing from malnutrition, and her lips were cracked from thirst. She trembled as though the act of holding herself up was getting to be too much for her. Her mane and tail were matted and caked with blood and I didn’t want to know what else. There was barely an inch of her that wasn’t cut, scarred or injured, and fresh ones that layered over the old still oozed blood. And from the trails of blood and… other things that caked the inner part of her hindlegs, it was all too obvious what she’d been kept for. Used for. It made me shudder to think of it, both in empathy and sadness that it had happened, and rage toward the bucks that had done it.

She had the most beautifully sad pale blue eyes, so haunted as they stared directly at Phantasia as if in recognition. Phantasia folded her forelegs in front of her so that she could be eye-to-eye with the younger pony, and I saw just for a moment the gentle mare that had shown herself yesterday emerging again. “Hey,” she said in a soft whisper. “Are you okay?

The filly shook her head, but said nothing.

Phantasia tilted her head concernedly. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

Another headshake.

“Can you tell me your name?”

Yes another shake of the filly’s head.

“Can you tell me why you’re here?”

The filly pointed a hoof at Phantasia, then down past the edge of the mesa. She then made three sharp downward swipes with that hoof that it took me a moment to recognize as a stabbing motion.

The orchid-colored cyber-pony slowly raised her head. “Oh,” she said with a frown.

Puzzled, I canted my head toward Phantasia. “What’s ‘oh’?”

She gave me a hard look, shaking her head. “It’s a long story.”

I was growing irritated with this new attitude of hers. Stamping a hoof, I demanded, “Well suppose you tell it!”

She snorted, nose to nose with me, looking as though she was about to hit me. I looked her right in the eye, daring her to.

Sapphire was between us now, his magic pushing us away from each other. “Hey, HEY!” he shouted, my attention immediately caught - it was the loudest I’d ever heard him speak. Then, changing to his softer, more calming voice, “I don’t know what problem you ladies’ve developed between yourselves but this is not the time.” He pushed his nose back over his shoulder, pointing at the filly. “You’re scaring her. And me, a little.”

Slowly, Phantasia backed down, and, after a look from Sapphire, so did I. I sat back, still frowning. I still didn’t understand why she was acting this way toward me, but I was moving past hurt and confused and more into pissed-off territory.

Phantasia looked away from me, and spoke hesitantly. “I... told you I went to my house last night. It’s right down that trail and down the street a little. It’s… half-destroyed, just like all the other houses down there. Everything of value was stolen long ago…”

Impatiently, I snapped, “Yeah, yeah, just like all the other’ns. What does this got to do with her?”

Phantasia winced at my words, an act which confused me even more. Her voice remained soft, tremulous. “I.... “I...guess she must’ve been in there. I can’t say I was really thinking clearly or paying attention when I left.”

I looked to the little filly, and the binding fixture that’d clearly been ripped out of a wall. “And you followed her here, and waited all night for her to come out?”

That got a nod.

“Why?” I asked.

The filly opened her mouth, then closed it again. She dug a hoof into the sand a few times, her face scrunched. And then, she just gave up on showing and trotted over to Phantasia, chains jingling loudly as she moved, and hugged her just as tightly as her emaciated legs would allow. The cyber-pony was quite surprised by this, but hesitantly, she embraced the filly.

Sapphire and I stood there awkwardly for a moment, until my friends took a step forward and nudged them “This filly needs medical treatment,” he’d said, “The best doctor we know is in Sweetsprings.”

Of course my first thought was selfish. “Doctor. Yes, he probably has some spare Med-X he could sell us.” I hated that I had started to embrace this new way of thinking, but I didn’t want to face being that sick again without it either. Not to mention I’d be useless to them. They’d leave me… especially Phantasia, she was just looking for a reason to go anyway. If that was the choice I’d rather stay and have her hate me for whatever it was that I’d done wrong than to have her leave me alone.

Phantasia slowly nodded, and rose to her hooves. “Yeah, okay.” was all she’d said.

We decided that I’d carry the unnamed filly back to Sweetsprings, and the others would catch up on hoof, since Phantasia’s cyber-legs could propel her on the ground almost, but not quite, as fast as I could fly, and she could carry Sapphire as easily as I could. Under the pretense of insisting on giving me a chaste little goodbye kiss on the cheek, Sapphire had whispered, “I’ll try and talk to her on the way, find out what’s going on.” We parted ways after that, and I let my wings bear at full speed as the terrified filly clung to me.

Just a touch over an hour later, I landed right at Dr. Greensleeves’ doorstep. The filly had either passed out or fallen asleep on the way, and I had to hold my wings out to keep her from falling off me as I walked up and rapped on the door. Xinnia answered and gasped as she saw the package I bore, then quickly waved me in. “Come in, come in and let her rest, to heal this filly, we’ll do our best.”

I walked in to find the Doctor working on one of the townsponies, wrapping a bandage around his forehoof. He, too, was shocked by the filly I carried, and cringed back as I brought her into the clinic.

“Back already miss Six?” he asked without looking up. Then he looked and gasped as well. He patted the stallion on his shoulder and nudged him out of the clinic. “We’ll settle the bill later on, I need to take care of this,” The stallion nodded politely both to the doctor and to me, and then trotted out.

I helped roll the chained filly onto the operating bed I had occupied just days prior. Xinnia then gently nudged me out of the clinic area. “You must let us work undisturbed,” she said, “but do not fret or be perturbed. Your filly friend looks quite a fright, but I am sure she’ll be all right.” She then pulled the operating curtain closed.

Not knowing how long I’d have to wait for the others to arrive, I decided to take care of what’d been hanging over my head since yesterday - breaking the news to Apple Blossom. I knew this was going to be hard. I hadn’t gotten to see them together much, but it did seem like they’d been close. I took a moment to buy out the general store’s entire supply of Med-X, which earned me a suspicious look from Sweet Treasure, but she’d made no comment as we completed the transaction. After that it was time - I couldn’t put it off any longer. I took a deep breath and steeled myself before walking into the Saloon.

It still being mid-morning, the Saloon was dark and empty. Apple Blossom was sweeping the floors, getting things ready for later on. She flashed me a bright smile when she noticed me come in. “Hey there, sugarcube!” she called out to me, setting the broom aside and trotting around to man the bar. “It’s a little early for drinks but if’n you’re hungry I can whip ye up somethin’ good.”

I shook my head gently. I hadn’t eaten today, but I wasn’t particularly hungry either. “I’m good,” I said, fidgeting. “I came because… well, I have some news.”

Apple Blossom’s smile faded slowly. “Well, folks don’t usually pussyfoot around good news like y’all’re doin’, so it’s obviously bad. So, out with it.”

“About Cherry Bomb,” I started, having to force the words out. “She’s… she’s dead. I’m so sorry.”

Apple Blossom looked at me for a long moment. I couldn’t tell what was going on behind the implacable mask she wore. Did she hate me, as she rightly should, for leaving her alone; leaving her to die?

The robust barmatron finally nodded. “Excuse me a moment,” she’d said, and walked primly off to the back and up the stairs to what I assumed was the living space above. I was left there in silence to ponder what would happen when she returned. Would she ban me from the saloon? Would she take my house back and kick me out of town? Would she simply walk down the stairs and shoot me herself? Every scenario I came up with was worse than the last, but no less than I felt I deserved.

After what felt like an eternity, Apple Blossom slowly walked down the stairs again. She was still sniffling, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief. She ignored me, walking past to the end of the bar, where she retrieved what looked like a very special bottle of whiskey, poured herself a shot, slugged it back, followed up with another, and then turned back to me and then came around the bar again to take a seat in the barstool next to mine.

“What happened?” she asked.

“I… don’t rightly know. By the time I’d got there it was too late.” I shook my head and sighed, starting over again. “When we saw the war party pass, and heard where they was goin’, we decided to split up. I’d fly back here to warn y’all and they’d hunker down someplace safe ‘n wait for me to get back. I was only s’posta be gone long enough to deliver the message ‘n get back, but then… well, you know what happened. When I flew out to find ‘em again…” I shuddered, remembering the sight, and Apple Blossom stilled me with a hoof on my shoulder. “It was horrible… the whole camp had been burned… they’d been torn apart.” I paused for a breath. “Sapphire said it looked like Wraith’s work. I’da thought we’d killed him in the battle, but Sapphire said… he can’t be killed”

Apple Blossom slowly nodded, the sadness in her expression quite evident; her eyes pink and puffy. “S’true. “The Immortal” those War Bucks call ‘im. They say he’s been killed at least a dozen times and come back from every one.”

I closed my eyes as they welled up again, then looked at her for a moment. “I know this is my fault, ma’am,” I said softly. “If I’d stayed and done my job proper, then--”

Apple Blossom shushed me with a hoof to my lips, shaking her head. “If’n you’d stayed and done your job proper, likely none of us’d be here and Sweetsprings’d be just another little town that the War Bucks wiped out.” She shook her head at me. “You did right, sugarcube. Don’t let nopony, least of all yourself, tell ye any different.”

We spent the rest of the morning comforting each other with shared drinks and company, and reminiscences of a pony who had touched both our lives in different ways. I hadn’t known her long, but Cherry had been sweet and kind in her own rough-and-tumble way. She’d been my first friend in this new life, and I’d always remember her for that.

Riding on the ground with Phantasia had been a bumpier affair than sailing the skies with Midnight, Sapphire Sparkle mused to himself, but there was a predictable rhythm to the bouncing and once you got used to that, it wasn’t so bad. Phantasia’s speed on land was nothing short of amazing thanks to those cyberpony legs of hers, and she was able to keep up her top speed long after most would have needed to stop to rest and catch their breath. Sapphire took a moment to thank the goddesses, wherever they were, that his life granted him such opportunities as this.

Still, he was here for a purpose. He’d neglected to mention that he could have just teleported if he’d really wanted to get there fast. He gave the mare a nudge and asked, “So… exactly what’s the deal with you and Midnight?”

Phantasia growled. “Are we seriously doing this now?”

Sapphire simply growled back. “Yes, yes we are! Because if you want to have any hope of actually beating Wraith, the three of us need to be united, not at each other’s throats!”

Phantasia gave a sardonic reply. “Oh, yeah, I heard your idea of ‘united’ coming from the shower last night. See, that’s the thing about metal walls. They echo.”

Sapphire stammered, flustered. “Wha… is… is that what this is about?”

Phantasia slowed to a trot, then finally came to a stop at the side of the road. To Sapphire’s surprise, she wasn’t out of breath; wasn’t even breathing hard. “No!” She replied. “Yes! No. Maybe a little.”

Sapphire slid from Phantasia’s back and trotted around to face her with a dubious expression. “This doesn’t seem like jealousy. So what is it? Something to do with the part you left out when you told us about going to your house last night, I’m assuming.”

The lilac mare took a step back, giving a soft huff. “What makes you think I left anything out?”

He smirked in reply. “You’re not as good at keeping secrets as you think, Phantasia.”

Sapphire took a small step toward her, watching closely. “So what it looks like to me is that all this hostility is about trying to push Midnight away before she finds out about what really happened last night. Before she comes to hate you for it.” He tilted his head, but couldn’t keep just a slight note of arrogance out of his voice. “Is that about accurate?”

Phantasia looked away. “Of course not. I just don’t need her distracting me from my goal. Nothing matters to me now aside from finding Starlight.”

Sapphire gave a soft snort. “Bullshit. Sure, that goal’s important to you, and it should be. But you’re also hiding behind it.” He took a step toward her, taking a slightly accusatory tone. “Because as long as you have that, you can avoid having to think about anything that’s happened to you. Having to actually deal with those feelings.”

The mare drew back from him, grimacing. “W-what do you know about it?”

The unicorn smirked, advancing only enough to keep the relative distance between them the same. “More than you think, apparently. Now, personally, I’m of the mind that everypony needs to find their own way of dealing with things - or not dealing with them as the case may be. Whatever way works for them. But what you’re doing is hurting Midnight, and I told you before, I wouldn’t allow that.”

Phantasia gave another derisive snort. “She’s tough, she doesn’t need a little white knight like you to defend her.”

Sapphire responded with a sad little shake of his head that surprised the cyber-mare. “She’s not. She needs ponies to think that, especially us. But inside she’s lost and scared. She’s afraid that if ponies don’t depend on her, they’ll stop caring about her. She doesn’t want anypony to know just how fragile she really is. Just how easy it is to hurt her. Or just how deeply every unkind thing you say or do wounds her.”

The little unicorn looked up at Phantasia with a frown of disapproval. “You made her mad enough to stand up to you earlier, but normally, she’d just sit there and take whatever abuse you decided to give her and cry about it later, believing every cruel thing you said and blaming herself for every time you struck her. Because the alternative, the one that involves you leaving, is too much for her to bear. More than anything else, she’s terrified of being left alone. Yesterday she lost the only other friend she had - that she can ever remember having - before meeting you. Without any memory of her past? Without even knowing who she is, or was? You and me, we’re all she’s got.”

Sapphire paused a moment to collect his thoughts, then continued. “She walks around this world - this, cold, cruel sadistic world - with an open heart. It’s part of what makes her such a good pony. But it also means she’s vulnerable to being hurt. So, yes, she does need somepony to try and protect her. Even if it’s just me.” He sighed and admitted, “I’ve known her for two days but she’s the best friend I’ve had in… ever. So, yeah, I want to protect her.”

Phantasia stumbled back onto her haunches as she listened to all this. “How do you know all this? What makes you so sure you know that I’m feeling. What we’re feeling?”

Sapphire smirked again as he gave a wry retort. “Ponies don’t always come to us whores just for the sex, you know. Emotional care is also part of the package.“ Enjoying the shocked look on the cyber-pony’s face, he grinned, eyeing her directly as he added, “And I’m very good at my job. Just ask Midnight.”

Phantasia sat in stunned silence as the little unicorn gave her a wink.

He couldn’t resist a laugh, softly shaking his head. “Seriously, though, you’d be surprised at how... secondary the physical aspect can be sometimes. A lot of times, folks just need somepony to talk to. To unload their deepest, darkest feelings and secrets to. Somepony who can… at least convincingly pretend that they care, for an hour or two.”

Sapphire shook his silvery mane and then gave Phantasia a pointed look. “So, now that all that’s been said, it does seem like there’s something you need to talk about.”

Phantasia closed her eyes a moment, giving a long sigh as she turned her head skyward. Looking again at the little blue unicorn, she started, stopped, and then started again. “Last night when I went to my house… There were three ponies there, sleeping. I didn’t stop to think, who they were, or why they were there. I just… killed them. Because they were in my house.” She shuddered gently, lowering her head and refusing to meet Sapphire’s gaze. “Just, like it was nothing. I even… it even felt good doing it, feeling them bleed and struggle against me.”

Sapphire nodded slowly, and moved closer as Phantasia slowly crumbled before him. “But then… I realized… I don’t… that house isn’t mine anymore. Nothing is…” She leaned her head into Sapphire as she wept bitterly, and he tried to comfort her with gentle brushes of his magic along her mane and neck. “Why couldn’t they just let me die? I used to ask that before, because these metal legs don’t feel anything; because I felt like I was only half a pony. But now… Now I really feel it. It would have been better to have died then, than to see this, knowing that everything we did… all the blood and sacrifice, all the efforts made, all battles won at such great costs… none of it mattered. We did all we could; gave all we could. And we still couldn’t save Equestria.”

Sapphire, gave her a nuzzle as he held her. He spoke to her in gentle, calming tones, “Someone wise once said that it’s possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. It’s not your failing if you did your best. It’s just… what happens. And it isn’t fair, and it isn’t right, but… that’s life. And I know it hurts, it hurts a damn lot, doesn’t it?”

Phantasia simply nodded, sniffling as her tears moistened Sapphire’s blue neck.

The unicorn continued, “Midnight and I haven’t had the same experiences as you have, but we both know what it’s like to feel like you’ve got more hurt inside you than you can bear. That’s when you should reach out to your friends. Don’t turn away, and try to hold it in and hide from it.” And…” he shook his head gently, “Don’t take it out on a pony who genuinely cares for you. Who wants to help you. A friend like that… is a rare and precious thing in this world.”

The two ponies spent a long while together in the soft sand by the side of the cracked and abandoned highway, the little blue unicorn tenderly cradling the orchid colored cyber-mare as Phantasia finally, truly opened herself.

“Where in the hell did y’all wander off to?” I asked as Sapphire and Phantasia walked through the door. I’d been sitting slumped in a rocking chair in the living room of my new abode. Apple Blossom had sent me home to finish off the bottle of special whiskey when customers had started showing up at the Saloon and she’d needed to get to working.

I had been slightly buzzed when I got home, just after folks had started showing up for lunch at the Saloon. At this point, the bottle was empty, the late afternoon sun had started adding orange tints to the sky, and I was certain my house had turned to gelatin because it kept wobbling unstably every time I tried to get up out of the chair. The pair trotted over quickly to help stabilize me but it wasn’t helping, just making them wobble too. “I thought y’all was right behind me. When y’didn’t show after a while, I started to think y’al’d been eaten by radscorpions or fire-breathing ants or somesuch. Was gonna go out ‘n look but… ehh, I’m not exactly flight-worthy at the moment. Hehe.”

Phantasia looked at me, even more concerned. “They have those here?”

Sapphire nodded, “Yes, but that’s not important right now.” He turned his attention to me, and nosed me, only to wrinkle his nose at the strong scent of alcohol radiating from my muzzle. “Goddesses, how much have you had to drink, Midnight?!”

I pointed a wingtip at the now-empty glass bottle lying on the floor. It was fairly oversized for a whiskey bottle, probably around two liters if I had to guess.

Phantasia gasped. “The whole thing?! How are you not dead?!”

“Only about… maybe less than half,” I protested. “It was already down a bit when me ‘n Apple Blossom started in on it, then she sent me home with the rest when customers started showin’. Maybe li’l less than half when I got here?” I shrugged.

Sapphire looked up to me and asked, “Did you tell her?”

“‘bout Cherry? I nodded. “Yea. Hence the drinkin’.”

“How’d she take it?”

“Bout as well as y’could hope for, all things considered, I think.”

Phantasia was still staring at me. “No, seriously, how are you not dead? That’s a fucking lot of alcohol to drink by yourself.”

“It was in honor of our fallen friend and comrade!” I protested. “‘Sides, it’s only whiskey.” I tried to wave a hoof dismissively but that seemed to throw me completely off balance and I almost lurched straight forward onto the floor.

After that, my friends had insisted on packing me off to bed despite my protests of it still being early.

Author's Note

Midnight has her first brush with withdrawal and finally has to admit to herself that she's hooked on Med-X. Phantasia lashes out for... no real reason? But Sapphire gets to show his strength as team counselor.

Also I think the slave filly might be a bit over the top... not sure. But we'll be seeing more of her later.

9 chapters, 52k words and I've still barely brushed up against the main plot. This is going to take forever...