Chapter 6: Mandatory Suicide

Phantasia Star had awoken with a start, once again disturbed by her strange dreams. The primitive ponies in her dream had certainly been frightened of something, but she couldn’t place what it was now. Though the details of what was going on in the dream was rapidly fading as her mind shifted into full daytime consciousness, she still remembered how her heart had raced, and how her hooves had pounded on the ground as she’d run along with the primitive herd - details that stuck out to her now because they were things she could not feel in her waking life.

She leaned her back against the headboard of the bed, sitting up halfway, and took in a deep breath, exhaling it in a heavy sigh. Once, this would have worked to calm her racing thoughts and still the hammering in her chest. But now there was no hammering. Nor was there a rhythm of any kind. That steady beat that formed one of the basic signs of life across all the creatures that ponykind knew was absent in her. Certainly the mechanical fluid pump that stood for her in place of a heart could do its job more efficiently than flesh and muscle, but there were certain things, certain intangible qualities, that it removed from the basic experience of being alive; of being a pony.

The same could be said for her metal legs. Stronger than all but the most exceptional of earth ponies could hope to be, certainly, but they robbed her of the experience of feeling her hooves on the ground when she walked. Their ability to sense the different kind of surfaces she walked across, or how different they felt when she trotted, or cantered, or ran. Or even as simple a thing as brushing one over her husband’s mane. Even the eye that they’d replaced was numb to simple experiences such as being dry or blurring when she was tired or being blind in the darkness.

When she thought about these things, sometimes she wished that her squadmates had let her die. Let nature take its course as it had with so many other ponies with injuries of the kind she’d sustained. Left her body ruined, but whole. Instead of letting them rebuild her into the machine creature she was now. This abomination of flesh and steel. And then, of course, she’d felt supremely ungrateful and guilty for entertaining those feelings. Certainly these replacement parts she’d received had conveyed advantages to her in combat, proving invaluable both to herself and her squad as the battle to drive the zebras from the Crystal Empire had intensified. But the more of a literal war machine she’d become, the less she’d wanted to be one.

With the liberation of the Crystal Empire secured, Phantasia had felt she truly had no fights left in her. It’d taken some work to get her superiors to accept the resignation of her commission, as well as some argument and legal maneuvering over whether her cyber-pony parts were still Imperial Armed Forces property or her own, but finally they had relented and agreed to an honorable discharge. The thought had disturbed her deeply, that her body could be not wholly her own; that parts of her could be somepony else’s property, and potentially herself along with them. The entire affair had disgusted her so much that once the papers were all in order the only thing she’d wanted to do was get as far away from the Crystal Empire as possible. Fortunately that opportunity came when her husband, Stainless Shimmer - an up-and-coming young lawyer - was offered a position with a firm all the way out in Las Pegasus. The Moojave was half a world away from the Empire, and it seemed like the move was just what she’d needed. It wasn’t.

The move itself had been trivial, of course. As the Crystal Empire was a vassal state of Equestria, Imperial citizens were also Equestrian citizens, and in theory ponies could move freely wherever they wanted. They rarely did, however, and Crystal Ponies such as herself were an oddity in greater Equestria, especially as far south as Las Pegasus. Every time she ventured outside of her house, she felt the eyes of ponies upon her. Shimmer had insisted that it was because they were captivated by her rare beauty, but all it did was make her feel more self-conscious about her scars. The cyberlimbs attached to her body, and the eye whose color didn’t even match its counterpart. She didn’t feel beautiful. She felt ugly, and those stares felt like they pierced into the very void of her soul. As though with a glance they knew what she really was. Not the decorated war hero, but the vicious killer who’d survived simply by the combination of being randomly selected for some secret government project, and being too stupid to die when she was killed.

She had everything. A brand new home in a newly-constructed suburb of Las Pegasus with all the modern conveniences. A husband, a foal, a two-car garage. Even a robotic butler who did all the cooking, cleaning and other tedious household chores. White picket fences and carefully manicured lawns. The Equestrian Dream. But in the midst of it all, she felt absolutely wretched. She ventured outside their home less and less, with the ready-made excuse that her pregnancy made her tired. In truth it was because all she found outside was a world of forced pleasantries and fake smiles that she wanted no part of. A secret part of her even prayed for the zebras to just burn it all. They had missiles now that could deliver their giant city-killing balefire bombs within minutes...

The pregnancy itself had been a mixed blessing. On the one hoof, it served as a reminder that she was still part pony, and that those parts of her that made her a mare still worked as they should. On the other, the attempt had reminded her how little she enjoyed that act anymore. She still loved Stainless Shimmer as much as she always had, but now, as much as being looked at had hurt her, being touched was far worse, and coitus had become more of an endurance test than a consummation of love.

She couldn’t even count anymore how many times she’d sat awake in the early hours of the morning as he slept, with the barrel of the sidearm she’d been given as a souvenir from her army service pressed against the roof of her mouth, silently weeping as she desperately sought an end to her misery, any end at all, only to be held back at the eleventh hour by the thoughts of Stainless Shimmer broken-hearted and mourning, and of their foal growing up without ever knowing his mother.

But where could she go for help? Her husband would simply tell her to see a doctor. She’d gone to veteran’s support groups but their members felt too wrapped up in their own issues to care about hers. And she knew exactly what a doctor would do: a quick diagnosis of Wartime Stress Disorder would have her committed to the nearest asylum, to to be drugged out of her skull and then have her memories plucked out one by one until she was practically lobotomized. As placid and vacuous as every other housewife on the block. No thank you.

This was not one of those mornings, however. Instead, there was a more insidious sense of dread in the air. Her colt, Starlight Glimmer, seemed to feel the unease too, as he fussed and fidgeted all throughout his morning feeding, despite her holding him close the way he’d liked.

Dawn was breaking through their open-curtained window. The sky slowly turned from black to a deep blue, with tinges of green along the horizon. Phantasia sighed. This part of the day always messed with her sight, as her cyber-eye could never seem to make up its mind whether to be in night vision mode or not. She sighed, resolving to one day get that fixed properly, and settled for just keeping that eye closed for the time being. As she waited for Glimmer to finish nursing, she happened to glance at a small stack of letters from the previous day’s mail on the nightstand. Among the bills and advertisements was a letter that seemed more important, more prestigious than the rest.

She pulled the letter from among the others and looked it over. Its envelope was of a thicker paper than normal, in a cream color meant to be reminiscent of parchment. On its front, the stylized hoof-and-bars logo of Stable-Tec had been embossed in gold, serving as a background for the elegantly-written address. And, unlike most letters the couple had received since moving to Las Pegasus, the address used her full name and rank: “First Lieutenant Phantasia Star”

Inside the envelope was a letter, typed, but on the same ostentatious paper with the same gold embossed logo at the head of the stationery along with the slogan, “Better living - underground.” She mumbled the words aloud as she read.

“Congratulations! In gratitude for your valorous service to Equestria and the Crystal Empire in their time of need, a space has been reserved for you and your family in our newest facility, Stable 113! This reservation has been made at no cost to you. Please keep the enclosed token with you at all times, as you will need to present it to gain access to the Stable in the event of an emergency. If and when the order to seek shelter is given, please follow this map to the Stable entrance with all haste, and present your token at the gate...”

Phantasia frowned a moment, certain she had done nothing to deserve this, even if the array of medals that Stainless had insisted on having framed together and hung on their wall might have spoken otherwise. The letter and token certainly looked authentic, though, and the former had been signed in ink by Scootaloo herself. More likely a secretary, she thought to herself...

Still, not one to deeply question a gift, she opened the compartment in her foreleg where her Pip-Buck was hidden, checked its map to make sure that the location of Stable 113 was marked, and then tucked the token in there for safekeeping, just in case. If she could take advantage of a situation to ensure that her Stainless and Glimmer would be protected, then she would do it.

She felt the tender, sparkling brush of Stainless Shimmer’s silvery magic along her cheek - using his unicorn magic was a way they’d discovered he could touch her without causing her pain. “Hey, little star,” he said to her in a soft murmur.

She turned to face him with a soft smile, and touched his nose with her hoof. “Hey yourself.” Even if she couldn’t feel that gesture anymore, he could, and it made him smile just as it always had. His soft green eyes were filled with deep concern, though, as his magic reached over to scoop up their foal and bring him closer to them.

As a Steel Pony, Stainless Shimmer had had a far easier time than herself blending in with the herd here. There were no unfortunate associations with mad King Sombra here - most of these ponies didn’t even know who he was. His shiny grey coat drew no extra attention, in fact the only part of his appearance that stood out at all was his wavy black mane that streamed behind him as though it were weightless. That and his horn that curved back into a much sharper point than the simple blunted cones most Equestrian unicorns had.

“Can’t sleep again?”

Phantasia answered with a quick shake of her head. Stainless nodded, and gave a sad sigh. “I really wish you’d go to the doctor.”

It was Phantasia’s turn to sigh, more in quiet exasperation. “Stainless, we’ve been over that, I-”

His magic sparkled over her lips as he interrupted. “I know,” he said gently, “I know. It’s just that… I know you’re hurting, Fanta. And I don’t know any other way to help you.” He shrugged helplessly. “I’m a lawyer, not a psychiatrist.”

The oblique TV reference drew out a tiny chuckle from her. Glimmer leaned over to give his mother a gentle nuzzle as well - a gesture that warmed even her own cold steel and plastic heart.

Stainless gave his wife a tiny nudge and began again. “Listen, I’ve been doing some thinking. What would you say about… maybe, moving back home,” he asked. “Back to the Empire?”

Phantasia was caught completely off-guard by the suggestion. “Buh…? W-what about the firm? Your practice?”

Stainless waved a hoof dismissively. “If I can practice law here, then I ought to be able to do it anywhere.” He turned and looked deeply into her eyes. “What’s more important to me is you,” he said in complete sincerity. “I know you haven’t been happy here...”

Their conversation was interrupted by a familiarly unpleasant smell that made both parents wrinkle their noses at once. “Uff,” Phantasia said. “Somepony needs a change.”

Stainless’ magic scooped little Glimmer up again. “I’ve got this,” he said. “Why don’t you see how breakfast is coming along?”

Phantasia trotted down the hallway toward the kitchen, lost in her thoughts. Home. She could finally see it again. Watch the ethereal colors of the auroras dancing in the twilight sky, and bury herself in the deep snows of her homeland. Go ice skating and ice fishing and do all the other ice-related activities that were all but impossible in the hot, dry deserts of the Far West.

The thought of it filled her with joy and hope of the kind she’d not felt in a long, long time. It was almost enough to drown out the dread that clung to the air of the mid-autumn morning.

Almost.

“Good morning, Madam!” the prim mechanical voice of the HelpBot 3000 called out to Phantasia as she passed by the kitchen. The robot looked a bit like an octopus hovering in the air of the kitchen, each of its tentacles busy with one task or another of preparing their morning meal. Mixing, chopping, frying. Its camera-eyes followed Phantasia politely as it spoke. “Breakfast will be just a few more minutes, mum,” it said. “Will the young master and his father be joining you at table today?” Phantasia nodded in response. “Good, good,” it said. “I’ll put the television on for you while you wait, then.”

Phantasia took a comfortable seat on the couch, yawning lightly, as the rounded rectangular glass screen sparkled to life.

“-- 21 to 15.” An excitable young stallion in a smart-looking suit was in the middle of reading out the previous day’s sports scores. “In hoofball, the Las Pegasus Rebels defeated the Hoofington Raiders 38 to 14, on the strength of some very smart defensive plays…” Phantasia had started to zone out, not paying particular attention to the broadcast anymore when something unusual happened that caught her eye. A paper was thrust into the newsreader’s hooves, and he said, “All right, I’ve just been handed this report…”

The newsreader’s voice trailed off, and the look of glib zeal on his face transformed before Phantasia’s eyes into one of abject, wide-eyed horror as the stallion’s eyes darted over the words on the page he held. “Godesses, is this real?” she caught him whisper. He looked aside for confirmation and seemed to receive it momentarily.

In a trembling voice, the newsreader spoke anew.

“F-fillies and gentlecolts, I’ve... just been handed a… a very disturbing report. Apparently there has been a balefire missile strike on Buttsdale. C-circumstances of the attack are not... yet known, but according to eyewitnesses, the devastation is said to be... near... complete. Unconfirmed reports are also coming in of other detonations near Manehattan, Hoofington and…”

In a flash, Phantasia darted into the bathroom, where Stainless had just finished cleaning their foal and putting him in a fresh diaper. Immediately the Steel Pony’s head turned toward his wife, having caught onto her suddenly frantic mood.

“We’ve got to get out of here now!” she exclaimed, and before he could react she already had her teeth on his mane, pulling him toward the door.

“Fanta? What’s gotten into you?” Stainless Shimmer asked in confusion, his magic hugging the foal close against his chest. Starlight Glimmer also sensed something was wrong, and he’d started to cry almost immediately - as a practically newborn foal, he knew no other way to react.

As if in answer to his question, the Emergency Broadcast alert tone began to play through the television, much louder than the previous news broadcast, the sound filling the entire house. Everything seemed to be silenced by the tone, even Glimmer’s squalling was hushed by it, as the couple walked slowly as if entranced, toward the television. A low, throaty pre-recorded voice began to play through the speaker.

“This is an Emergency Action Notification directed by the Princess. Normal broadcasting will cease immediately, for an indefinite period. This is not a test.
It is necessary for all ponies within range of this broadcast to seek shelter immediately, regardless of where you may be. If you have been issued a Stable Pass, please proceed to your designated entry location now…”

That was all Phantasia needed to hear. Immediately she sprang into action, and was pushing her husband toward the house’s front door. Stainless balked, paralyzed by fear and confusion, repeatedly opening his muzzle to speak with no sound coming out.

Phantasia growled, pushing him harder as the loud rising and falling tone of the alert sirens started to sound outside. “I have a Stable Pass, come on!”

That seemed to wake him up. Stainless Shimmer flung the door open and dashed outside where a Spritebot was waiting for them. “Stable Ponies, please follow me to your designated shelter location,” it said in a flat, tinny voice.

They did, joining a line of ponies from other houses on the block, moving quickly up the hill to the top of the mesa. The sky had taken on a strange, angry yellow-orange color as butts rolled in to blanket the entire view from horizon to horizon. They were stopped by gate guards - army ponies in full combat gear - to check their token, even as other ponies to the side desperately begged to be let in along with them. “No token, no entry,” was the guard ponies’ response.

“Phantasia Star, two adults, one foal,” she announced once she reached the main gate guard, showing him her token. He saluted and waved them through. “Good luck in there, Lieutenant,” he’d said, which drew a slightly confused look from her, but she returned the gesture simply out of deeply ingrained habit. How had he known her rank?

Phantasia and her tiny family continued past the gate, to a large metal plate where their neighbors and others were being gathered, directed by ponies in blue and yellow Stable-Tec barding. Behind her the sound of indistinct voices in argument grew louder and louder, until they were finally silenced by the sound of gunfire, the sound rolling like an electric shock through Phantasia’s core. She trembled, wondering what the world was coming to. Was ponykind in the process of losing its sanity completely here?

A blindingly bright flash illuminated the sky behind her like a flashbang going off next to her head, and Phantasia turned to join her husband in gaping awe as a mushroom of angry green fire slowly rose into the air from the hills nearby. It was miles away, they knew, but it was still enormous enough to make them feel small and insignificant.

The platform beneath them started to lower itself into the ground as they watched the shockwave roll over the hills towards them, headed right for those shiny new homes these ponies had built. It was just in time for the wave to pass over them rather than into them, but still the ponies felt the ground rumble painfully beneath their hooves, as if Equus herself were crying out in agony. The earth ponies among them seemed especially disturbed by this, whimpering, trembling as they felt it. All except Phantasia Star, who had been severed from her special connection to the planet, with a quartet of metal limbs now standing between them.

But even she knew, as all the ponies did, that this was it. The day their world died. The day the war that seemed like it might never end, consumed the entirety of their civilization in a violent crescendo of fire and radiation. Things could never go back to the way they were after this. When they finally did emerge from the Stable, if they did, what would they find? Would there even be a world left at all?

Everypony here was shaken and silent, apart from the sound of a few coughs and quiet sobbing as they reached the elevator’s destination and were herded across the metal bridge and through the great cogwheel-shaped hole in the wall to the reception area. One of the Stable-Tec ponies in a white coat near the entryway called out to the back of the group, his voice echoing in the stony chamber. “Is this all of ‘em?”

“Might be all we’re likely to get, zebras’ve started hitting us hard up there,” came the reply.

“All right,” the first pony called out again. “Bring these ones in and let’s close up shop.”

Once the herd was moved safely past the door, the first Stable-Tec pony who had been speaking pressed a button on his console, making loud klaxons sound and yellow warning lights spin as the giant cog-shaped door was slowly rolled into place by whirring, groaning machinery, then pushed into place with a hydraulic hiss, sealing this tiny world off from the outside completely.

He then trotted toward the head of the group and announced himself with a clearing of his throat. He spoke with some hesitancy, mirroring the unease that the rest of the ponies felt. “Good morning,” he began. “I am Rocky Road, and I will be serving as your Overstallion during your stay in Stable 113.” He took a moment to look at the ponies who shifted nervously on their hooves as they waited. Another low rumble shook them, even as deep under the ground as they were, another detonation on the surface above them. “Now, I know you’re all a bit scared and confused. Goddesses know I am too…” He looked up as the ceiling rumbled yet again, then shook his head gently. “Certainly, none of us could have expected this. And certainly none of us could have wanted this to happen...” Rocky Road took a deep breath and lifted his head again. “But, here we are. We are safe here in the Stable. The Stable staff, and myself, are here to take care of you, and make sure that all your needs are met while you stay here.

Another pair of thunderous rumblings shook the earth above, interrupting his speech momentarily. After a moment more, he continued. “I know the future looks pretty uncertain from where we’re standing. But all of us together are going to do everything we can to make it the best future possible.” He nodded. Nopony applauded, or said a word. Rocky Road cleared his throat again, and finished up his speech. “Well, now if you’ll please follow the line of the rubber mats on the floor, our Staff members will issue you your Stable barding and Pip-Bucks, and then lead you through decontamination before we show you to your new home.”

The ponies lined up as instructed. One by one, the families turned in their tokens and were outfitted in the same tight blue and yellow suits, marked with the number “113” on the collar and the back. Colts and fillies were no exception, even if their forelegs were too small for Pip-Bucks yet, they still were outfitted in the same clothing. Even little Starlight Glimmer received his own tiny blue suit, and Phantasia had to smile at how cute it looked on him.

They were guided past rows of what looked like lamps with black hexagonal pads in place of light bulbs or fluorescent tubes that whined ever so slightly. Phantasia’s cyber-eye was able to identify them as UV emitters, and even show her the light that emitted from them. “Decontamination,” she thought.

The group was split among different sets of stairs that led into long, narrow chambers. Inside them was cold enough for a pony to see their own breath. Most shivered and complained slightly, but being a Crystal Pony, Phantasia herself was mostly unaffected by the cold.

“All right,” the staff member leading this group called out, “Everypony get into one of the pods here so that we can complete your decontamination. One per pod, no sharing except for foals under 18 months.”

Phantasia climbed herself into one pod at the far end of the chamber, and Stainless took the one opposite her, holding Starlight Glimmer in his forelegs as he sat on the chair built into the pod. The pod doors closed with a hiss, each one sealing itself. Phantasia sat herself down as well, and saw Stainless Shimmer waving to her, his magic nudging the confused-looking foal in his arms to wave as well. Phantasia touched the glass of the viewport with a hoof, and then suddenly her vision was butted by frost, the temperature suddenly dropping so far as to make even a Crystal Pony’s consciousness fade away.

What seemed like a moment later, some of her vision had been defrosted. Her cyber-eye was flooded wiith warnings and diagnostic messages, but she ignored them as she tried to lean toward the pod’s viewport, even though her limbs remained frozen in place. Something was happening outside.

A pony in a white coat, similar to the ones she’d seen the Stable-Tec staff wear except dingier, dirtier, stood in front of Stainless and Glimmer’s chamber. Next to him was a large white pony, a stallion bigger than a unicorn had any right to be, who’s long flowing ashen blonde mane and piercing red eyes made him look simply monstrous. Oddly, he seemed to have some kind of armored breathing mask, that looked like he’d chopped it right off of a T-45 power armor’s helmet. He wore a set of black spiked leather armor that complimented his demonic look.

“This is the one, right?” the giant had spoken, his voice a hoarse growl modulated into a fearful rumble by his mask.

“Yeah,” said the white-coated pony, and started working at the terminal console next to her husband’s chamber. “Let’s grab the package and get out of here,” he said with a shiver, “I fucking hate this place.

The pod’s hatch opened, revealing a dazed-looking Stainless Shimmer and equally-dazed foal. The giant unicorn’s ghostly white magic enveloped the foal and started to draw him out from his father’s forelegs.

“No,” Phantasia growled, finding speech difficult as her jaw, enhanced by cybernetics to allow her to eat the gems she needed to power her robotic parts, refused to move along with the rest of them. “No, what the hell are you doing, do not touch my baby!” she snarled as loudly as she could.

The white unicorn’s magic was countered by silvery sparkles as Stainless tried to pull the foal back to him, echoing Phantasia’s own words. Phantasia screamed in helpless terror as she saw a gilded revolver drawn by the giant’s own magic, pressed against Stainless Shimmer’s head and fired, instantly decorating the inside of the pod opposite him with a spray of red paint. The silvery magic instantly died away as the Steel Pony stallion’s head hung limply to the side.
Starlight Glimmer’s own terrified wailing joined his mother’s, even though hers could not be heard by them.

“What in the nine hells are you doing, Wraith?!” the lab coated pony demanded. “We were supposed to keep the other one as a backup!!”

The hot pistol’s barrel now pressed against that pony’s head as the giant growled, “Don’t ask me to participate in your stupid crap if you don’t like the way I do it. We have the package, now let’s go.”

The white monster left with the foal in tow, followed by his cohort who was still complaining. “I’m going to have to include this incident in my report.”

Phantasia was left alone with her grief for a moment, still screaming out in pain and helpless rage. And then the temperature dropped again, stealing her consciousness.

She awoke again later, not knowing how much time had passed. The pod’s door slowly opened, and she was regurgitated onto the floor, stiff and helpless as her limbs refused to move. Her eye was flashing her red warning texts about main spark power and aux batteries being depleted, life support systems being critical, and other things. The floor was covered in a sheet of ice, thick, hard and completely smooth.

Fortunately, no one had ever thought to question the tiny purse she’d carried with her, whose contents were now spilled out on the icy floor. Among them being her old sidearm with an extra magazine, and more importantly, the hooffull of rubies she carried for exactly this kind of emergency.

Slowly, and with great effort, she used her remaining organic muscles to pull herself around to where those gems were in her mouth’s reach. Eventually she was able to ensnare one with an curl of her tongue and pull it to her mouth. She sucked on it, feeling its sweet spiciness dissolve in her mouth, and feeling her systems come to life again as the energy flowed into them once more. She heaved a sigh of relief, and quickly masticated the rest of the gems, bringing her energy meter up to about half capacity.

Phantasia rose to her hooves once more and did not falter despite the slippery surface she stood upon. She found herself face to face with a frozen corpse that had once been her husband. Her head rested upon his chest and she wept anew, her tears freezing into tiny crystals of ice as they fell from her.

Finally, when she had exhausted herself, and her eyes were nearly iced over and frozen shut, she stood again. She took the gold marriage band from around his hoof and added it to her own, the two now nestled together upon her foreleg. Looking up at his proud, defiant face, she whispered, “Goodbye, my love. I will avenge you. And I will find our son.”

Finding strength in her anger, her outrage and pain, she scoured the tiny stable facilities for everything she could find of value, finding mostly skeletons in stable barding, a few extra pieces of food, drink and ammo and some proper Stable-Tec saddlebags to keep them in, but not much else. There were barely any gems to be found, which made her worry a touch. And lastly, she found an interesting looking weapon in a locked display case too reinforced for her to buck open. She’d have to come back for it later.

With that, she was finished and ready to leave the Stable, to head out into the unknown on her quest. And she was ready to buck anypony who stood in her way. She opened the door to the welcome chamber, and found a pony standing in her way. One with a black coat, purple mane and golden eyes, who stared at her in surprise. How convenient. That moment was all she needed to turn around and kick that pony with all the strength her steel legs could muster.

Author's Note

And to introduce our secondary protagonist, a scene from the past.

I feel like this perspective shift is a little risky and I'm not sure if it actually works, or if it means I should just go back and do everything third-person.