“And so, the klutzy draconacous body was obliterated by the crystal shards! But his spirit endured, returning to haunt and annoy everypony within a hundred thousand miles!!!” Trixie waved her hooves dramatically doing her best ghost impression, which would have had Applejack and Rarity floored with laughter.
“You know ghost stories are supposed to be scary right?” Starlight asked stuffing popcorn into her mouth.
“Trixie’s story was far scarier than yours!” Trixie boasted, her nose up in the air. “Annoying ghost Draconacous are far scarier than being late with assignment’s!”
“Then CLEARLY you have never endured the wrath of Twilight Sparkle after not completing an assignment, and don’t even get me started on her obsession over correct grammar!” Starlight rolled her eyes recalling the lecture Twilight had given her on correct use of punctuation marks on her last letter to Princess Celestia.
“You should consider yourself lucky Starlight, Trixie would give ANYTHING to be protégé of the Princess!”
Starlight gave Trixie a look of bemusement “If I didn’t know any better, I would swear The Great and Powerful Trixie just admitted Twilight Sparkle is better than her!”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie admitted no such thing!” Trixie denied “Trixie simply thinks her amazing talents and gorgeous looks make her a perfect candidate for Princess of Equestria!”
“Well honestly I’m more of her student then her protégé, and I’m pretty sure Twilight has no intention of making me a Princess…”
“Oh don’t be so modest Starlight, why else would Twilight invite you to live with her in her own castle as her student, her ONLY student no less if not to choose her eventual successor?”
“Gee I don’t know, maybe it has something to do with the fact I went totally evil, stole the cutie marks of ponies with or without their consent, and used a time travel spell to get my revenge on Twilight which nearly f(yay)ked up all of Equestria!” Starlight waved her hoof in the air dismissively. “It’s more of a punishment than anything else.”
“Well it’s certainly the most luxurious punishment Trixie has ever heard of, living in a castle with servants and guards waiting on your beck and call!”
“Twilight doesn’t have any Guards or Servants in her castle!” Starlight corrected her “You would think after having one of your more powerful enemies simply walk in to your castle with relative ease she would have learned better by now, but she’s kind of a dumb a(yay)s that way!”
“Trixie still thinks you live a very luxurious life most ponies would kill to have!”
Starlight was about to argue her point more when a rather ingenuous idea popped into her head. “Is that so? Then how about you switch places with me tomorrow?”
“Come again?” Trixie sputtered perplexed.
“You heard me, become Twilight’s student for one whole day, or as Twilight says walk a mile in my horse shoes for a day!”
“Would Twilight even allow that?” Trixie asked growing more and more intrigued.
“Only one way to find out!”
“And…. What about Trixie’s show tomorrow?”
“Oh, well while YOU are living it up in Twilight’s castle as her student, I will take your place for the day doing your magic show!” Starlight puffed out her chest “I’ve got a few magic tricks up my sleeves that should wow the crowd.”
“Trixie is…. Unsure about this.”
“Why? Afraid my life isn’t as luxurious as you think it is?” Starlight teased nudging Trixie playfully.
“N-no way! Trixie is sure your life is nothing but sunshine and rainbow’s in that castle, Trixie would love to experience such pleasure even for just a day!”
“Then we have a bet?” Starlight held up a hoof.
“Your so ON!!” Trixie met Starlight’s hoof with her own.
“Starlight! Starlight, where are you? It’s time for today’s friendship lessons!” Twilight called from the library. “Where is that silly pony?”
Twilight was jarred from her thought’s as the doors to the library burst open, revealing a rather excited cyan unicorn “BEHOLD THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE HAS ARRIVED!!”
“Oh CELESTIA not you!” Twilight rubbed her aching temple with her hoof. “What do you want Trixie? Starlight and I have an important lesson to get to!”
“Starlight has decreed that The Great and Powerful Trixie can take her place as your protégé for the day!”
“Wait, WHAT?” Twilight gave her a look of disbelief. “Is this some kind of a joke?”
“Trixie does not joke, she is the most talented and second sexist pony in all of Equestria!”
Twilight was about to ask who Trixie thought was the other sexist pony in all of Equestria, but then thought better of it. “Is that so? And just where IS Starlight Glimmer at this moment? Didn’t you have a show to do today?”
“Starlight shall be standing in for Trixie in her Great and Powerful show for the day, though Trixie doubt’s she will wow the crowd quite to the same extent as her better half!”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, clearly she and Starlight where going to be having a long lecture about responsibility when she got back…. Among other things as well. “Ok then Trixie, I suppose you could benefit from lessons in friendship as much as Starlight could.”
Meanwhile on the other side of town, Starlight had put on Trixie’s usual hat and cloak, and was busy admiring herself in the mirror. “Man I make this look good!” Starlight said to herself striking a pose. She had always thought Trixie looked hot in her show mare outfit, although she would never admit that to Trixie. “Well, better get this show on the road!”
Starlight teleported herself onstage “WELCOME ONE AND ALL, COME AND BE AMAZED AT THE AWE INSPIRING FEATS OF THE GREAT AND POWERFUL STARLIGHT!!!” She used her magic to make fireworks appear, earning ooh’s and awe’s from most of the gathers ponies.
“Hey! You’re not Trixie!” a shrill voice shouted from the front of the crowd.
“Oh GREAT, Dumb and Dumber are here…” Starlight thought as her eyes fell upon Equestria’s least intelligent lifeforms Snips and Snails.
“Yea, we want The Great and Powerful Trixie!” Snails added.
“Well she isn’t here today! So instead I shall be the one amazing you with my magical abilities!” Starlight tipped off her hat and lit her horn, levitating a very unamused Angle bunny from somewhere within it’s depths. There was some cheering from the crowd but it was short lived as Angel bunny choose to round kick her in the face, causing her to drop him and her hat. He then gave her a rather rude paw gesture, and proceeded to hop off the stage to hysterical laughter from the crowd.
“Ok then!” Starlight re-composed herself “For my next trick I shall need a volunteer from the audience!” To her dismay Snips and Snails where the only ponies to raise their hooves. “A volunteer with more than one I.Q. point!” Starlight added blatantly, scanning the audience in hopes of finding a less annoying pony to bring on stage, but sadly finding none. “Ugh! FINE, get up here you two!”
Snips and Snails gleefully hopped up onto the stage, and stood next to Starlight. “Ok, for this trick I shall make Snips here disappear!” Starlight waved a hoof at Snips.
“Hey I can do magic tricks too! Like touching my brain with my tongue!” Snips began trying to stick his tongue up his nose.
“And preferably never bring him back!” Starlight added under her breath. She lit her horn again levitating a large box from behind the stage. Placing it to her right, she then levitated Snips into the box and shut the lid.
“Hey, that’s some great trick there eh?” Snails applauded.
“I haven’t DONE the trick yet stupid!” Starlight hissed at Snails causing laughter from the crowd. “And now with a flick of my magic horn...” Starlight waved her front hooves dramatically, lit up her horn, and teleported Snips as far away as her magic would allow. Then she reared around and kicked the box, causing the door to open reveling Snips had vanished. “Ta-da!” she added bowing for the cheering crowd.
“Hey, how’d ya do that eh?” Snails stuck his head inside the box as though looking for some hidden hatch or something.
“Ah, ah, ah! A good magician NEVER reveals her secret’s!” Starlight puffed out her chest proudly. “To the casual practitioner most of these tricks I will be doing are incredibly difficult to pull off. But to a Grand Mage like myself, it’s simple as Apple Pie!
“Apple’s aren’t that simple!” Snails said absent mindedly “I tried asking one to the dance, and she ran away screaming.”
“Gee, I wonder why?”
“Ok Trixie, listen up!” Twilight marched into the library levitating a long scroll of notes in front of her. “I’ve thought long and hard on what to do for YOUR friendship lesson! If STARLIGHT had actually shown up I was going to have her assist Pinkie Pie in baking, but that will have to wait for another time I guess. As for YOU I thought about helping Applejack on the farm with some manual labor, but I assume you would be too afraid of getting your prissy little mane dirty to actually lend a hoof! Then I thought about sending you into the Everfree Forest with Fluttershy attend to an ailing Manticore, but then I remembered how much of a complete wuss you are! After that I thought about simply sending you to Tartarus, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment……. To the prisoners that is!”
“So is it true you really don’t have any royal servants to do your every bidding?” Trixie asked looking around and completely ignoring Twilight. “Because for a Princess that’s kind of suppose to be mandatory! I mean in every foal’s tale I read as a child Princesses always had servants around to bring food to them, open doors for them, and care for their every whim!”
“I have Spike!” Twilight replied to which Spike puffed out his chest proudly.
“Spike?” Trixie gave the young drake a quick once over “You don’t look like a Spike to me, I’m just going to call you Susan!” Spike opened his mouth to protest but Trixie interrupted him “Ok Susan, why don’t you make yourself usefully for once and go make Trixie a sandwich, Trixie want’s everything organic, and don’t forget the mayonnaise!”
“I’m sorry, I must have been absent when you were made the boss of me!” Spike cross his arms defiantly.
“Ok then allow me to remind you!” Trixie lit up her horn picking up Spike, and threw him clear through the wall.
“Ok FIRST lesson of the day, no abusing Susan…. Er, I mean Spike!” Twilight corrected herself face hoofing.
“But isn’t that why he exists?” Trixie asked innocently.
“Second lesson of the day” Twilight continued “You need to work on those condescending tone of yours!”
“Trixie can’t help it if she is better than everypony else except Starlight!”
“You are NOT better than everypony else Trixie! One of the reasons nopony likes you is because you have an ego the size of the effing sun!”
“Trixie will have you know she has PLENTY of friends Princess!” Trixie shot back.
“Oh yea? Name ONE other than Starlight!” Twilight demanded.
“Oh…. Well…. Erm….” Trixie stuttered clearly not expecting Twilight to call her bluff.
“Well? I’m waiting?” Twilight tapped her hoof impatiently.”
“Susan! Susan would be considered a friend of The Great and Powerful Trixie!”
“I’M NOT YOUR FRIEND!” Spike shouted from the other side of the wall.
“Anypony else?” Twilight asked rolling her eyes.
“Discord, Chrysalis, Starswirl The Bearded…”
“Starswirl The Bearded is dead!” Twilight interrupted.
“Trixie brought him back to life with her incredible talent’s!” Trixie puffed her chest out proudly.
“IF you brought him back to life, then bring him before me!”
“Trixie can’t, he’s rather busy at the moment…Dying!”
“He’s…. Dying…. Again?”
“Yes, it’s kind of an old hobby of his!” Trixie nodded matter of factly.
“Have YOU thought about making that a hobby?” Twilight asked seriously.
“Trixie already has a hobby, being extremely sexy!”
“You mean being delusional right?”
“Your just jealous because you’re not sexy like Trixie and Starlight!”
“This next spell is one I learned from the ancient archives of Starswirl the Bearded himself!” Starlight informed the excited crowd. She levitated a giant mirror from behind the stage. “It involves turning mirrors into portals for long distance teleportation. Last week I sent one mirror over to the crystal Empire with the spell already cast upon it. Once I cast the spell upon THIS mirror the two shall connect allowing me to send anything or anyone from here to the Crystal Empire and back!” She then levitated a box unto the stage, and tipped it to the audience to show it was empty “It so happens as well that Princess Twilight is expecting a delivery from the Crystal Empire of rare gems and the train from the Crystal Empire just happens to be under repair. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“That eating a cupcake after stepping in poop is a bad idea?” Snails guessed.
“Snails after the show I want you to show me the ponies responsible for your existence so that I may banish them to Tartarus…. And you along with them!”
“Awesome! That’s where the fat pony in the red suite lives right?”
“Suuure, let’s go with that!” Starlight then cast the spell on the mirror, causing a greenish mist to appear within the glass earning many oh’s and ah’s from the crowd. Starlight then levitated the box through the mirror, waited nearly a minute, then pulled it back out revealing it to be filled to the brim with rare gems and jewels. Starlight took a bow as the crowd went wild, only to be interrupted by a loud crunching noise.
“Hey, this taste just like chicken!” Snails exclaimed, his mouth full of gem shards.
“………. How do you function?”
“Oh Susan? Where is The Great and Powerful Trixie’s sandwich?”
Spike gave her a reply that normally would have earned him a scalding from Twilight, but given it was Trixie, Twilight decided to let it slide.
“Well THAT assistant of yours certainly has some colorful language!” Trixie huffed.
Twilight slammed her book shut and turned to face Trixie with a stern look. “You know what Trixie? I honestly thought I could teach you something about friendship, but apparently I was mistaken. You are SO self-centered you [probably wouldn’t give a buck about anypony even if their lives were in danger. It’s a wonder Starlight even wants to hang out with you!”
“That would be because Starlight admires Trixie Talent’s and Hot Bod!” Trixie snuffed back.
“Well how about you take your talent and hot bod and get the f(yay)ck out of my castle! And while you are at it get Starlight and tell her to get her f(yay)ing dumb a(yay) back here and clean the F(yay)ING MESS YOU MADE IN MY CASTLE!!”
“Twilight dear, are you coming on to me?”
The next thing Trixie knew, Twilight reared around and bucked Trixie clear through the roof and out of the castle.
“Sad, I was beginning to sense a connection.” Spike reminisced beside Twilight.
“Shut up Susan!”
“Well THAT was totally bogus…” Trixie moaned nursing a Vodka tonic.
“You’re telling me, Twilight made me clean the ENTIRE castle without magic! EVERY…SINGLE…. ROOM!!” Starlight took another swig of her Brandy and pulled a face. “I don’t know what happened between you two while I was gone, but she was really pissed off!”
“Twilight was simply having a hard time hiding her attraction to the Great and Smoking Hot Trixie!”
“I didn’t realize you swung that way Trix?” Starlight teased.
“Oh really?” Trixie turned to give Starlight a drunken seductive look “Then perhaps I should remind you later tonight, I do believe I owe you a body slide as it were.”
“Your wagon in Thirty minutes?” Starlight responded kissing Trixie fully on the lips.
“Best bet The Great and Powerfully Trixie ever lost!”
