Darkness is all around me. Well, perhaps not total darkness, but my room’s dimly lit, even if just barely.
I sit up in my bed, place my face in my hooves, then wipe my damp cheeks and shake my head. Still to this day I can’t believe it happened. I should try again, shouldn’t I? Yes! That’s a fantastic idea!
“No! Stop it, Minuette,” I say to myself. “You can’t do this again. Not for the fourth time in a row. But… I have to try, right?”
I rise to my hooves and traverse my room like a soulless shadow embarking to find meaning in its life. A desk is in front of me—a quill and notepad atop it. I take a seat. A mirror is in front of me. I stare into my reflection, seeing my weary eyes, tired and worn from all the crying…the sobbing. My reflection paints me as some pony who is infused with all her faults and fears, and how she tries so hard to hide it.
Breathing, I pick up my quill and start writing.
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Hey, Twilight. It’s me again. Hehe, go figure, right? I thought about not writing to you again, but I couldn’t resist not to. I think I’m getting better at this letter thing now, aren’t I? I have you to thank for that. Now that I think about it, this may have been the first time I did a proper salutation. I think that’s what it’s called. I forget. I haven’t written letters before until now. Moon Dancer’s been helping me out with that kinda thing. She knows her stuff. Way smarter than me. Seriously, how did she learn so much? I know she studied all the time, but dang. I may be overanalyzing something so simple again.
Oh, which reminds me. Princess Luna told me she wants me to tutor her in dentistry for some odd reason. It intrigues her. Not sure why, though. She’s going to be spending some time with me back at my place and dentist office. I’ll have to keep a close eye on her, making sure she doesn’t give a pony too much toothpaste and whatnot…but I know she’ll do just fine. I know you’d approve. She had the biggest smile I had ever seen from her. If you saw it, you’d been so proud, Twi.
I stop writing, drop my quill, lean back in my chair, and then sigh. “Why am I doing this do myself?”
Still, I continue.
So, I got some other stuff to talk about with you. Some news. Yes, news! Good news too. Important news. It’s been something I’ve been meaning to mention, but never had the courage to say it…I think I’m ready now, though.
I’m a contestant in the annual Magic Performance contest. Your brother has helped me trained for it. Mostly just watching and copying how he casts certain spells. Light stuff. I have to admit, I didn’t expect your brother to be so adept at magic. Then again, he is your brother. It’s still amazing, obviously, and I’m loving the time I have been spending with him. I just thought if I ever had a shot at getting first place in the competition later in life, might as well start now, right? I don’t even know what I even mean…He’s been great to me. Even when I start doing serious stuff like the more dangerous spells. I still have loads of time to see our other friends, and they’ve said I don’t have to do public events to get in if I don’t want to.
So get this, Twi. Turns out Rarity was serious about putting Sweetie Belle in Celestia’s School for gifted Unicorns. Well, an applicant at least. I was having a chat with Applebloom when they told everypony. They were shocked. Most of us thought Rarity would want Sweetie to carry on her legacy with her fashion lines, but I guess not. We were wrong. Sweetie was herself, of course, and she said she’d be fine if she got accepted to the school. I could see how upset she was since she would be so far away from her two closest friends for quite some time. I think she told me she was feeling guilty for having to leave her friends behind. I told her that was dumb to feel that way…wish I hadn’t now that I think about it.
I did a little talking with Rarity about the whole thing, and she reconsidered. I think it would be a choice you would’ve done, Twi. Instead of Sweetie going to Celestia’s School, I had, somehow, convinced AJ and Rainbow Dash to let their fillies go to a boarding school in Canterlot. All three of them. Together. I think one of them almost fainted! It was a little cute. It…it made me feel good and happy, knowing I could help out my friends. That’s what you’re all about after all, right? Friendship. I helped pay for their schooling since it was my idea, and Luna knew I could afford it, despite the costs it takes to run my dentistry. I really hope they have a good time together there. They deserve it.
Oh! And get this! You know how I’m big on gossip every now and then, right? I think Rainbow Dash and AJ have gotten really close. I think it’s one of the reasons they agreed so quickly to the school thing if you know what I mean. Anyways, they’re, like, seriously close. I’d always see them sneaking out back to the barn every time I came over to visit Applebloom. I wouldn’t never saw it coming if it weren’t for the hints. I always thought AJ was the conservative one, you know? The traditional one. Seeing as how big she is on family and all, I thought she’d want a stallion of some sorts so she could have foals of her own. When I confronted them about it, out of my curiosity, they told me nopony except me knows of their romance. It seems so strange, you know? Unexpected. Kinda like this. What happened between us…
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. Please forgive me.
I…remember that important thing I mentioned earlier? It’s kind of hard to find the right words, but I hope you’ll understand.
What we had together was amazing. It was the best thing that had ever happened to me; and I can’t help but feel this emptiness inside, just waiting to be filled with wholesomeness again. You were…you were better than anything I ever had in my life. You were the best thing.If I had to choose between being a millionaire, an immortal, or a princess, or heck, even losing my horn, you’re gonna have to call me an earth pony as long as I got to see you again…hear from you again. But I know that’s not going to happen….
So I’ll remember the good old days, back when things were simpler between us. The days when we would talk and laugh at all the antics we cast for ourselves—the days when you showed me a theatrical musical and we both talked about it non-stop over how great it was. I just want you to know…I still care for you and I always will. I think about you everyday. I still feel your presence with me. I wish, so much, that I could just see you again, talk to you again, and get the chance to hug you and tell you how sorry I really am. That I can show how much I love you and how much I always will.
But, you know, I’ve been doing a lot of pondering during these desolate days without you. Like a ridiculous amount. To the point where it distracted me from my work and I had to get Luna to take all my patients. All the thinking I’ve been doing has gotten me to realise a few things about my life. Things that I need to focus on. It’s not that I don’t want to write to you, because I do, very much so, but I think it’s time I start to move on. That’s what you wanted for me: To move on and be great. To make new friends and challenge myself in ways I never thought imaginable; and despite the earnest efforts of my will, I may fail and never transcend to the title of great but rather failure.
…It’s going to hurt to move on completely, but I know the worst of the pain is already over, and I’m only opening the wound by not doing this sooner. So this will be my final letter, friend. It’s not easy to say or elucidate, but it’s beyond time’s exception to let go. There’s no holding back anymore. There’s no need. I accept that you’re not coming back to me, no matter how much I wish for it to happen, or no matter what words I put together, it won’t happen. Never. I don’t think this would even do the trick. I really, sinceriously hope you’re happy wherever you are.
I’ll always love you Twilight Sparkle.
I miss you, friend.
⁂
Claps of thunder wake me up from my slumber. I sit up, propped against my pillow, and look out the window and see rain falling from the sky.
I turn over and my eye catches the flickering candlelight on my desk. “No! Not doing it.”
I turn over and close my eyes, praying to Luna that sleep takes me over.
It doesn’t.
I turn over once again and gawk at my desk as if it were foreign. “Oh, forgive me, Luna.”
I start writing. Again.
Dear Twilight,
I know, I know. I’m writing less now. Much less. But, hey, at least I’m doing it, right? Gotta keep my writing skills up. My friends, and even Luna, say that they’re worried for me since I haven’t left my home for a week…that and considering the fact I keep writing to you. I can’t help it, though. They’re right, of course. They always are…much like you.
Every time we got in an argument, you always clawed your way to victory. You were never wrong, in the usual sense at least. Maybe it’s time I start taking my friends’ advice. I think it’s just hard for me to pretend that you’ve stopped caring…because you don’t, not ever. You’d internalize it until the day it fully haunts you.
I’m sorry…you know I didn’t mean that.
I know, it hasn’t been forever yet, but I won’t. I just won’t. I’m not going to stop. I’m fighting like hell. I’m never going to forget. Remember the words you told me, Twi? Forgive but never forget. Like I always said, I don’t love you for a day, hour, minute, second…year, decade, century, millennium…I love you forever. Until I draw my last breath and longer if I have anything to say in the matter.
I thought you should know something too…Princess Celestia hasn’t been well lately. She seems to be getting worse and worse everyday. As in, she is less okay. She visited Ponyville with me a few weeks ago…spent some time talking with our friends and whatnot. She didn’t fill me in exactly, but I had a hunch as to what it was about. But for now, I’m waiting to find out before I make any assumptions.
But, I have to be honest, I hate it when ponies keep stuff from me. I guess I’m just as curious as you would be. I hope whatever they talked about was positive. I’m sure it was. They don’t ever let negatives get the best of them…They smiled a bit, which in turn made me smile too.
Oh, and get this. Remember Rainbow Dash and Applejack and their romance? Turns out, Dash proposed to AJ last week. In front of the Ponyville crowd. Unexpected, right? AJ said yes of course. Everypony seemed to be so understanding and accepting to it. I had a chat with Rainbow and she said it was the best moment of her life. Now Rainbow moved in with AJ back at the barn. Well, she moved her cloud home with the help of other pegasi and it’s close to the Apple farm.
Speaking of apples…AJ had a really great harvest this season. Way better than the last three. There were enough apples to feed all of Ponyville for six winters! Can you imagine? I helped her out a bit by moving buckets with my magic. Others chipped in too. There was just so many apples! Wish you could’ve been there to see it. It was nice seeing the gang all together, y’know? I know I’m the odd bunch since I’m not an Element, but they really do like me.
Though if there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it’s that Rainbow Dash, AJ, and Rarity were a little bummed out their sisters couldn’t be with them. They got sent over to that boarding school in Canterlot. New semester. I should’ve realized how much them three would miss their little sisters. But it’s okay, I think, since they got each other; besides, they can always go and visit…but I guess it’s not the same of having them always there and being able to tuck them in at night.
Oh, yeah…how could I forgot? I’m such a dork. It was my birthday three weeks ago. Take a wild guess who threw my party? Pinkie Pie. It was a good time. You know, the classic Pinkie Pie party. Lots of sugar and junk food. You know me being a dentist and all…little irony in there, isn’t there? A dentist indulging in a bunch sugary snacks that are sure to leave cavities…don’t worry I wasn’t a party pooper. I appreciated it.
One other thing…I decided to give half of my dentistry to Luna. She loves being my assistant. I know it sounds crazy, but she loves all the foals that come in to have their teeth cleaned. They love her too. I figured she should at least have some ownership of the place. I don’t mind really. And you know…she decided that I will, in fact, participate in the annual Magic Performance contest. She reminded me of something you told me: I can become great and that you believe in me; because I have what is needed to transcend to be great. You told me that. It’s funny how someone so young as you can be so wise. It’s admirable, really. I can’t let her down like I let you…Luna reminds me so much of you.
I miss you, friend.
⁂
Hey, Twi.
It’s been some time, yeah? A few months, maybe? Winter is half-way done. And a lot’s been happening here, so I haven’t had much time to write to you. I’ve got so many things to you about, so many things you’re missing.
So, just to put it out there, Rainbow Dash is still a little upset, of course, but she doesn’t really cry all that much anymore. AJ had slipped off her roof while putting up decorations for Hearth’s Warming Eve…she got a head injury and she’s in a coma now. It’s been a few months now…still nothing. Rainbow Dash and the rest of us miss her dearly. And so does Applebloom. I’ve been letting her just find her own way, but I don’t really know if that’s the best of ideas. It’s just that everytime I try and go to her and give her my support, I can’t ever find the right words. We always just end up hugging it out and nothing is said. Just silence. If you were here, you’d know what to say and do. It’s like you were the remedy to all my problems.
Spike has taken over running the library too. I’ve been spending a little more time with the litte fella, even though it’s painful for me to be there. Too many memories of you. Spike doesn’t plan on leaving the library anytime soon. You should see him, Twi! He’s running the entire place on his own. He misses you too; we all do, really. I’m not sure if he’s written to you or not. The whole thing has been really hard on the little guy. He looked up to you like a big sister, and for you to just disappear has hit him harder than a train. He’s been really reticent most of the time, only talking every now and then. I hope to Luna he gets over it eventually, but it’s hard to know that he’s going through it alone. He is a baby dragon after all, Twi.
Not sure if I told you this or not, but Fluttershy and Applejack are practically best friends. Even she’s hurt too. She’s completely reticent! Recluse! Even worse than Spike. I hate to say it like that, but it’s true. ‘Shy hasn’t spoken to any of us not since AJ’s fall happened. She just hides away in her cottage. Never goes out. She won’t even speak to her animals! Can you imagine? It’s so not like Fluttershy. It’s worrying me, Twi. I tried visiting her, but she never answers to my calls.
I know how much you care about her, given the past you two had…I don’t know what to do since she was a part of you, as was I, and it hurts me to see somepony you cared about hurting like that.
I wish you were here…you know.
Also, I thought you should know this too…Celestia has gotten worse. I think she’s dying, Twilight. A fading star…almost ready to confront death.
Luna has had to raise both the sun and the moon. Just imagine that for a second. It’s like the roles are reversed, a thousand years later. The princess of the night raising both the sun and moon. Funny how irony comes about in life, huh?
She had to take a leave of absence from dentistry for a little while because of her sister’s situation. The sun’s been a little less bright as of late. Not sure why though. I just thought you should know how Celestia is doing since, well, you loved her like a mother. She’ll be okay, though. She has been for more than a 1000 years, she can’t falter now.
Now that I think about it, I haven’t really seen my friends lately. I hope they’re doing okay, despite all that has happened. They’re pushing through life, much like I am. It’s hard, life. It doesn’t stop. I wish it would, though; but I know it won’t. I just have to keep pushing through it, one day at a time. Smile and keep my chin up. That’s what you always told me to do. Smile and keep my chin up. I promise I’ve been doing that.
All I know, right now, there’s only one thing I want.
You, Twilight.
I miss you, friend.
⁂
I wake up to dull sunlight shining in my face. I stir around and my eyes open. Consciousness. A reality that I don’t want to deal with right now. Such is life.
I sit up. There it is again. That damn desk. I wish I could burn the damn thingto the ground and never write another letter. But I have to. I must! I owe it to her!
Dear Twilight.
So, Twi…the funereal was, um, a few days ago. I thought you should know. It was hard. Very hard. For all of us. It was raining then. I think most of Ponyville showed up. Them and most of the Apple family. Cadence and Shining Armor were there too. You should’ve seen it, Twi. They were all there. For you. Luna rose the sun and the moon next to each other…it was gorgeous. A crepuscular skyline. I remember how much you hate that word. Remember? We had an argument about it when you saw it in one of my writings…you were so flustered. I thought you would’ve known of that word seeing as how smart you are.
Spike was broken. He didn’t stop crying throughout the whole thing. I think he had to leave because the pain was too much for the baby dragon to bare. I can’t blame him, though.
When it came to me saying something, I did my best to keep my composure, yet I lost it within seconds. It was so hard, Twi. I should’ve known what to say and do, but I didn’t. I couldn’t find the right words. Where was I to start? Tell me! What could I possibly say?! That could explain every thought I ever had of you, every sentiment, every feeling, every memory we shared together, every laugh we cracked together…tell me! NOW!
I stop writing. Look at my face in the mirror. Tears fall from my eyes and dampen the letter, but I didn’t care. I keep going.
I stood up there, stared at my friends who were mourning just as I was, only to speak nothing. I couldn’t find the words to properly express how much I loved you and how sorry I am for messing up. Making what he had turn into a disaster.
So you know what I did? I just told them the truth. I told them I loved you more than anything in the world; and that was it. Nothing more was said. Not because I didn’t have anymore more to say, because I did, but rather because there was no need for anything else to be said. I think they understood it.
I didn’t cry then, but I am now.
I know you wanted me to be strong, to keep my chin up even my most desolate, darkest hour, even if terminal sadness was the only thing pulsing through my form.
Spike though…he went up to the beautiful statue, we all created in your memory, and wept. I held him close and told him everything was going to be okay. He called you the best mother in all of Equestria, and that anypony would be lucky to have you.
He was so brave. More so than me. I’m weak, despite what I said earlier…I’m not the strong pony you want me to be. I’m weak and incompetent. I always was. You always showed me my flaws and how I never sought to correct them. Because in the end, we parted. And for that, I’m truly sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. Please come back, Twi.
I love you.
I miss you, friend.
⁂
I spoke with some of our friends today, Twilight. They’re all pretty shocked up. None of us expected this to happen, not at all. Given how close we were and the picture we painted them when we talked about what he had done together, all the time we spent…how could they have any reason to believe that we would falter and disput? Is it because friendships are destined to dissolve in time or is it because fate has our lives carved in stone until we meet death? I wasn’t prepared to lose you. Not like this anyway. We may have only spent almost a year’s time together, but we still had so many years to go, so many more memories to create for ourselves…we were too young.
I couldn’t stop crying the day we parted. We know that right? I mean, the others were upset too, though. We all were are. Just more so me since we were so close, you know? Or so I thought…losing you Twi…was worse than just losing a friend. It was more like losing a child or a parent or a spouse. Like losing a part of ourselves. Some part of our lives where we loved so much and there’s no possible way to elucidate it, even if our lives depended on it. The part that had you in it.
I haven’t talked to my friends about how I felt since the funeral though. I mean, okay, I did once, but I haven’t brought it up since. I can’t do that to them. Even they know I have to move on, just as they do for feeling sympathy toward me for what I lost.
And then there’s me.
I miss you, friend.
⁂
Twilight, I wish you hadn’t left. I wish I hadn’t done all the wrong things to make you leave; saying that won’t change what had happened. But if you never left, we could have rebuilt what we had. You didn’t have to go there anyway! All the time you spent with all those parasitic ponies who never appreciated you for who you were and what you could do…they never appreciated you way I did. And look what had happened. Some stupid group of teenagers thought it would be a good idea to crash your movie set while you were directing. You weren’t obligated to save any of them! Why did you have to push them out of the way, why couldn’t you have just used your magic? You could’ve, right?
Or was it because the makeshift airship was too heavy and you’d rather let it fall on you instead of straining yourself to keep it up with magic? Why?! To make matters worse, none of them got in trouble for it! Even Celestia thought it was an honest mistake. Your mentor for crying out loud! They were…they were told to go home. No consequences, or punishment…just “go home.”
It was an accident, yeah I know, but it that doesn’t matter now does it?
It’s not fair…it’s not fair I didn’t even get to see you grow and blossom beyond what you already were. I never had the chance to see you get a little older and see how different you became. I never got the chance to say how proud I am of you for chasing your dreams and being successful.
It’s not fair. I want you back.
Please?
I miss you, friend.
⁂
I don’t know why this is happening. I’ve written so many times and yet she hasn’t sent anything back to me. I just want her to write back, so I know she’s okay, wherever she is.
I have to.
Twilight. Please write back to me. I need to know this is just some nightmare.
Please tell me this is all a nightmare…wake me up! Do it! Show me this isn’t real…
I miss you, friend.
⁂
What are you going on about? You know I love you. Nothing could ever change that. I’m sure I made that clear countless times. There’s nothing you could ever do to make me hate you, even if you abandoned me, where I’m left behind. Why can’t you come back? Why can’t we at least talk again? That message you sent me really scared me. I don’t know if I can live without you. I need you in my life, you give me purpose and direction. You were my compass and without you I am directionless.
Please. Come back. To me.
I miss you, friend.
⁂
Twilight, this isn’t fair of you to do. It’s not like you to be so quiet and uncaring toward me. Especially after all the time we spent together and the love we forged together…why did this happen? That’s all I want to know. Why. Is it because of me? Was it I who pushed you away? If so, you didn’t deserve any of this. I didn’t deserve any of this either. Or did I? You were the smartest, the most clever, self-directed pony I’ve ever known. Why couldn’t you have fixed what we had?
WHY?!
I thought you told me you would fight like hell for us, for our friendship, for everything we had since day one. You’ve helped me through so many things I couldn’t have done alone…but then, you had to look after yourself ,right? No, it’s not fair of you to do.
Please come back, Twi. I need you. I love you.
I miss you, friend.
⁂
To Minuette,
Hello, Minuette.
It’s been a while. I’m sorry, so, so sorry. I can’t come back. You know that. As much as I would love to…something has happened here and I can’t leave.
You should know something, Minuette. I love you too. I love you so much. And I always will. The time we spent together, while limited and short, was some of the best times of my life; and even though we didn’t always see eye to eye, I don’t regret a minute of it. If I had to relive my life, I would only make one chapter; and it would be with you. We’ve accomplished many things together; you’ve helped me tremendously with impediments I couldn’t have possibly tackled alone, and for that I can truly grateful. I know I meant as much to you as you meant to me.
It’s funny, you know? How we became about. We were in the same place. We might’ve crossed paths with one another and we talked here and there…but later on in life, we connected and spoke more and more. It was natural and lovely. I truly believe we were meant to be friends; but only for a short time; and once that time has ended, which it has, we go our separate ways. You were one of the best things to ever happen to me. An absolute gem. Every time we were together, you put a smile on my face. You always cheered me up when I was in the saddest times. You knew all the right things to say and ask. You always worried about me even when I told you not to.I love you for it, I do.
You don’t give yourself enough credit for how good of a friend you were. Stop putting all the blame on yourself. It takes two to tango.
But I need you do something for me, Minuette. I need you to let go. I don’t want to take the time and effort to deal with any of the situations and concerns about you and me. I can’t. We can’t be together. I’m concerned for you when you tell me it’s you and not me; we both had our problems, Minuette, and I am sorry that I, too, caused you grief. I should’ve have. I am only doing this because I need to leave you where you are and let you focus on your life. You have to start caring about your happiness, not mine. We have our own lives to focus on. Please, focus on yours.
I know, you want to fix what happened between us, but believe me when I say this: It’s not your fault. I promise. When have I ever broken a promise to you? There was nothing more that could be done.It’s for the best that we don’t talk to each other or even see one another. It would only hurt each other more if we tried to kindle things again.
I do admit, though. I wish I had the chance to meet you once more. To hug you.
Take care of yourself, Minuette. We’ll see each other again soon, I promise. Even if it’s in death or in our dreams.
Twilight.
⁂
Hey, Twi. When are you coming back home?
I miss you, sister.
