Overcoming The Pastby Saberking2012ChaptersUnspoken WordsPainful MemoriesHealing Past WoundsWe Love You, TwilightUnspoken WordsIt was a beautiful Saturday evening. Maud Pie, Rainbow Dash, and I had all gathered at Pinkie’s place at Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash was in the living room playing some sort of video game. Pinkie was in the kitchen reading a cookbook, and Maud was cooking for us all. I was busy finishing some Calculus work that I wanted to finish before relaxing with the others. In another room, Rainbow Dash could be heard shouting things like, "Yeah, I gotcha!" and, "Oh, you little cheater." She was heavily invested in whatever game she was playing. The rest of us had no idea what she was even playing. Pinkie looked up from her cookbook to her sister and groaned, “Maaaud! When is the food going to be ready?" Pinkie is not the patient type, especially when she’s hungry. "I’m almost finished," Maud replied in her monotone, calm voice. She didn't even lift her head because she was so heavily invested in her culinary creation. While she didn’t usually make much, cooking was Maud’s favorite activity. She never minded cooking for all of us. "BOOM! You. Have. Lost!" Rainbow shouted from the other room. I and the two Pies with me in the kitchen chuckled. “C’mere, Twi! You have to see this awesometacular score I just got!” she shouted. I couldn't help but giggle at this. My face lit up. "Hang on Rainbow Dash, I'm almost done." I said still face-deep into my homework. I scribbled in the final part of my equation and answered the the final question. I stored my papers in my binder and put my pencil in my backpack, but Maud made an announcement just as I stood to walk towards RD. “Lunch is ready! Everyone come sit in the dining room.” And we all came in to eat. We didn't eat out in the spacious and charming customer's dining area at Sugarcube Corner, but we ate in a private dining room behind the kitchen for the family. It was rather plain and small, even somewhat cramped. Rainbow Dash had a much larger appetite than anyone else. Maud served her not one, not two, but three sandwiches, which I deduced all featured lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and mayonnaise, but different meats. I deduced by looking that one sandwich contained salmon, another beef, and the final ham. Everyone's sandwiches were beautiful. Every topping was perfectly centered, and even the sesame seeds seemed to be symmetrically dusted. This must have been why the cooking took so long. I giggled and felt almost bad for Maud though. Her craftsmanship was disappearing quickly. Rainbow Dash seemed happy to eat and scarfed down her sandwiches in 20 seconds, but Pinkie surprisingly seemed bothered by Rainbow's ill manners. She closed her cookbook, returned it to the shelf, and sat politely. I thought this was kind of odd. I had never imagined Pinkie as a courteous person. Rainbow Dash might as well have eaten the whole table. Pinkie was sitting and eating her food uncharacteristically calmly, and there were not enough seats for Maud to sit at the table. Maud didn’t seem to care though. I felt guilty as I realized I was too busy watching everyone else to have taken a single bite of my own meal. I looked down at my plate and was amazed. "Wow Maud. This looks incredible." I said as I stared at the sandwich of her masterpiece plopped in front of me. "It is." Rainbow Dash choked out of her mouth as she was shoveling food in her mouth. "Hey Twilight, what was that you were working on?" Pinkie asked. She seemed to be mostly through her first sandwich right now. I looked up from my sandwich, which I had taken only two bites from by then. RD was already almost done with her pile of food, and Maud was quietly and leisurely chewing on her second sandwich. "It was Calculus II." I replied, trying to sound humble. "Two calcu-- calculuses… cluseseses… calculi… whatever! That’s too many maths! How many even are there?" Rainbow Dash inquired. "There are different stages of calculus. At Crystal Prep Academy, there are eight levels of calculus, but unless you want to major in math in college, you only have to take the first two." Rainbow Dash seemed surprised that there were eight levels. She choked on her food, spat it out, and practically screamed, "Eight?! What kind of dweeb would take EIGHT YEARS of calculus?" She looked up from the disgusting, half-chewed food she left on her plate and quipped, “I wish math was a video game! I could beat eight levels of video game math faster than a rhino could eat a cucumber!" “I don’t think rhinos eat cucumbers,” added Maud. “See? I can move WAY faster!!” Rainbow Dash tried to finish eating the pile of regurgitated food she left on her plate. "Well this is the second level. I already completed Calculus I back in high school." Rainbow Dash murmured through her stuffed mouth, "How did you do that?" "Oh, well, I took AP Calculus in my freshmen year, well… in the first semester of my freshman year technically." I continued on by explaining how an AP class is different from a regular class. "AP courses allow students college credits if they pass. I finished AP Calculus I in high school, so I was given a credit toward college. Regular high school classes don't do that." Everyone looked dumbfounded as I realized this was the first time I had ever told anyone about my scholastic life. Pinkie opened her mouth and asked, "High school, huh? What was that like?" I was hungry. Instead of answering Pinkie, I instantly grabbed my sandwich and wolfed the biggest bite I could out of it. She seemed capable of taking the hint. I wanted to change the subject, so I quizzed Maud as soon as my mouth was clear enough to speak. "I am impressed, Maud. How did you learn to make food so well?" I knew the answer. The entire Pie family is trained in cooking. Maud stared at me and realized my strategy. I know she cares about me, but she doesn’t like being used, and she was not going to be a pawn. She grinned at me deviously and shook her head while quietly chewing on her sandwich. I made a mistake by asking the cleverest of the three to change the subject. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash meanwhile stared at Maud for a little bit, expecting her to say something as well. When the silence continued, they looked at each other, not understanding what was going on. I must have looked perturbed. I was quietly chewing, staring down at my plate, probably blushing. I hoped nobody would quiz me further regarding my education. But Rainbow Dash eventually broke the silence. "Is something wrong, Twilight?" I swallowed what was in my mouth and sighed exasperatedly. Rainbow Dash must have realized what I was hinting at. She looked kind of offended though. Her eyebrows were angled and her face was a frown. "Look, you don't have to tell us about it if you don't want to," she scowled. "We understand if you feel uncomfortable." This only made me grumble in anger. "It’s fine, Rainbow Dash. It's okay. I… I'm okay with telling you guys. Can we at least talk about it in the den though?" I finished the last few bites of my meal and headed to the living room. Pinkie, Maud, and Rainbow Dash followed. I stood on a stool in front of the couch and waited for everyone to situate themselves. Pinkie sat down in the middle after Rainbow Dash and Maud took each side. All was silent as they waited for me to speak, but I was nervous. I sat down with my eyes on the floor, my hands in my pockets, and my mind filled with anxiety. Still, everyone just stared at me. I could feel their eyes piercing into my being. I took a deep breath and pulled my head up to start from the beginning. Painful MemoriesThe sky was beginning to dim. I could tell by the levels of light pouring in through the window. “Do you guys remember when we first met and I told you about how I skipped a few classes?” "Yeah, back when you started hanging out with us a month ago. What about that?" Rainbow Dash responded cluelessly. I continued. "Well, it is true that I was able to skip a few classes, but it didn't happen all at once. You see: It all started back in Kindergarten when I was little." The Pies and Dash seemed intrigued as they listened to my speech. "While most kids there were playing tic-tac-toe or running around playing tag, I was reading and studying. I don't know why, but I enjoyed it. Just opening a book and tuning all the noise out seemed peaceful and serene. I loved reading so much that I started reading into everything in every book. Every piece of the plot stood for something, every piece of every character stood for something, every prop, every location... When my teacher found out about this, she was very impressed by my interpretation." "Eventually," I continued, "when my parents were told about this, I was taken to a testing center to see how advanced my intellectual skills were. I swear, I must have taken a hundred tests over the course of a few weeks. When it was all done with, my parents were told by the testing facility that I was 'gifted'. They said I had the intellect of a middle schooler, and recommended that I advance onto 7th grade." Rainbow Dash seemed to be confused by this and didn't understand the the sizable jump. In fact, everyone's faces looked perturbed, so I thought it best to explain. "You see, in the school system, there are 12 grades, plus Kindergarten, so 13. K-5 is Elementary, 6-8 is Middle, and 9-12 is High School, usually. I basically skipped six grades after being in Kindergarten for only 4 months." Everyone seemed rather surprised by this, silently applauding me with their eyeballs for my "gift." but I continued, though this time my voice started to sound a little more upsetting; broken, stuttery. "So in August, a month after I turned seven, I went on to seventh grade. I skipped the rest of of elementary school... but I kk-kind of didn't want to..." I blushed a little. "Then why did you?" Rainbow Dash asked after she finished her meal. Pinkie followed. “Yeah, why?” I coughed. "I felt like it was what my parents wanted. The moment they realized how intelligent I was, they were so proud of me that it seemed like they wanted me to go through with it. They were just so happy and all-for-me that I was afraid. I thought saying no might disappoint them." I frowned a little, showing this was clearly bothering me, but before any of them could intervene, I continued. "After arriving there, I kind of, well… I was mocked; made fun of." At that moment, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were stunned to hear this. Pinkie dropped her sandwich on the floor before inquiring, “Made fun of you how?” Answering this question would be painful, but I took a deep breath and prayed silently for courage. "It started with verbal abuse. The other kids would make fun of my age, appearance, and anything else they could think of. I was able to let that much roll over me. You know what they say, sticks and stones… Eventually though, some of the girls started doing more… physical things, like dumping milk over my head in the cafeteria and knocking my books and papers out of my hands in the hall. Everyone told me I was a huge baby.” The Pies and Rainbow Dash were all appalled. Maud stood and spoke. "I will hunt them down and make them apologize." I nervously laughed. Maud talked like she was serious. Before anyone questioned the matter, Pinkie chimed in and said, "Whoa, Twi. You were bullied?" I looked away again and closed my eyes, unable to look at them. I finally responded in a quiet whisper. "Yeah, but middle school wasn't even the worst of it. High school came after that…" Everyone squirmed in their seats, pained by the mental image of me being tormented. My head hung, I must have looked like a pulsating sphere of sadness ready to burst. Maud, who was still standing, walked toward me and gave me a hug. It felt nice to be held. It felt nice to be loved. I am so happy I am away from those wretched places... Maud’s embrace brightened my spirit somewhat. My head rested on her gray sweater as she squeezed me. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie just watched in awe and sympathy. A spell of time passed before I raised my head, opened my eyes, and forced a small, dim smile. I was grateful for Maud’s loving gesture. Maud then retreated, happy to have comforted me. She turned to face her sister and Rainbow Dash on the couch and returned to them as they all patiently waited for me to continue. I couldn’t tell if Maud had a soft spot for me or if she just felt guilty for not changing the subject earlier in the kitchen. Whatever the case may have been, I continued from where I left off, a little more happy than when I first began. Unfortunately, that happiness did not last long. "Anyways," I said as I tried to remember where I left off, "Umm… so… I was only in middle school for two years. I aced so many tests and quizzes that the school recommended I try some high school leveled practice exams. I was reluctant, but the abuse from the other kids wouldn't stop, so I agreed. I was hoping high school would be better." I paused as I tried to order my next thoughts into a coherent sentence. "So I went along with the tests and, surprising nobody, I was high and above Canterlot High’s standards. They said middle school was too basic for me and that I should go off to high school. I was excited to be accepted into high school at such a young age, but I was kind of sad too. I never had any friends growing up. I had been alone my entire life. I was told kids in high school were more mature and open-minded, so I--" I froze and clamped my eyes shut, fighting the tears. This is always a painful story to remember. I can only imagine the looks everyone gave me, but nobody spoke. I don’t know if they were afraid of making me sadder or just confused. The whole world felt like it was collapsing on me, and the pressure increased every second. Tears started trickling out of my eyes, however tightly closed they may have been. I had to finish my story, so I spoke, tearfully choking over my words. "I was actually... gullible enough *sniffle* to believe them." I wiped the tears out of my eyes, wanting to prove I was still somehow strong. But--but I couldn’t even stop-- *sniff* stop crying-- "Twilight don't! You don't have to tell us if this is hurting you so much.” Rainbow Dash spoke. “We feel horrible for making you feel like this. Please don’t hurt yourself any more trying to tell us this story." Pinkie quickly interjected along with her. "Yeah, we want you to be happy, not… this." Pinkie has always known how to cheer me up when I felt this much like garbage, but not this time. I didn’t even know what to call my emotions. Was I feeling pain? Sorrow? Anger? Regardless, my outburst flooded the room. I felt even worse for it, but I made everyone else feel as sad as I was right then. Maud silently stood and walked to the kitchen when I started to cry. After a minute or two, she returned with a cup of tea, hoping to calm my nerves. She walked past the couch and placed the drink on my hand. Without even checking to observe it, I took a sip and brushed my hair back. I still couldn’t stop the tears. "Tha-- *sniff* thank you…," I replied in a in a very quiet and devastating manner. I took a sip of the tea as Maud returned to her seat to give me all the space I needed. The others sat with dumbfounded looks on their faces, unsure whether or not to speak. Pinkie whispered to Rainbow Dash, saying, "I don't know what to do here. I don’t want to just sit here and watch my friend be miserable. We shouldn't make her feel like she has to continue, but we can't just tell her to stop." Rainbow Dash replied, "I know, but I feel lost too. I don’t have any idea what to do in this situation either." Those two were awful at whispering. I could hear every word they spoke. Maud joined the ‘hushed’ conversation and said, "I hope the tea will calm her nerves. It always does mine." It wasn’t even hard to hear them, but I was-- *cough* happy that they cared about me. I felt like I had to say something, so I choked out a few words: "Girls. *snif* It's okay, really. It's just that… nobody has even asked me about my chi-- *cough* my childhood before.” I tried to sound as calm as I could. “I have never had to talk about it before, so I just tried… not to think about it..." "What about your parents?" Rainbow Dash asked. "They had to have known about your movement to high school. Did they never catch on to how you felt about it?” I stared straight at her and exclaimed, "No, th--” I choked on my words. “I know they loved me, but I was scared that they wouldn't love me anymore if I stopped excelling in school. But before I tell you that story, …c-can I finish with high school?" Everyone seemed a little discomforted by this, fearing it would only devastate me more, but they did not want to hurt my feelings even more. Saying no would only have only made me feel unappreciated. Pinkie spoke out on behalf of the other two with some uncertainty in her voice. "Umm, s-sure, if it will help." I was actually able to force a smile through my tear-stained face as I sipped on the tea Maud made me. I think the drink actually did help me. I sat the cup on the table and continued sewing my yarn. "I told my parents about my accomplishments and the big places I was going and once more, they were very happy for me. My dad even took me and my mom out to dinner that night to celebrate my achievement. Between me, the news, the food, my parents, and my brother were laughing and praising me. They told me I was a “great kid.” They spoke about how they “always knew I was destined for greatness,” I sounded spiteful in my words. I didn't hate my parents, but I have never felt an emotional connection to them. "They were surprised that I was blessed with such genius at such a young age." "I ended up accepting the offer and, when I was nine, started out my freshman year in high school." I said this smiling a little more, looking almost normal and having moved past from the near breakdown a little while ago. "Now, I was at high school a while longer than the other schools, but that was mostly because I stayed and took more advanced classes earlier on. We had a total of six classes per year, and since high school lasts for four, how many is that?" I quizzed the girls. Rainbow Dash answered first, "Uh, 22?" Pinkie followed suit. “Would it be 26? I chuckled and shook my head. I needed to laugh. Maud finally spoke and gave the correct answer, 24. "Correct. I could have just taken basic classes, but some of these basics could be replaced with college versions: Pre-calc. with AP calc, History with AP Hist., and so on. Some classes could not do this, like algebra and economics, at my school at least. Truth is though..." I stopped to catch myself, instantly losing the smile I had reclaimed. "I only did it because my parents along with my brother thought I should. I mean, they did tell me that 'they believed I could do it' and 'I did not have to if I didn't desire it', but I thought it was just there way of saying they wanted me to." In that instance, I noticed Rainbow Dash’s body language communicated that she felt sympathetic for me, and she felt guilty. She correlated what my parents got me to do with her own actions earlier. She turned her head away from me to drown herself in shame, but looking out at the window, she noticed the sun was going down. I couldn't believe that night was coming so fast. It seemed too soon. One thought came to mind… how long have I been talking? “Wow. I feel bad for taking up your entire afternoon, guys. Do you want me to stuff a metaphorical yarn of shoelaces in my oral cavity?" “No no no! Please continue!” Pinkie objected. "Well, okay … Stop me if I become annoying though okay?” After pausing for a few seconds, I resumed. “So what my middle school counselor had told me was a gargantuan lie. Maturity was most certainly not present there. The students thrashed me both verbally and physically.” Rainbow Dash jerked her head up and stared at me unbelievingly, and Pinkie’s jaw dropped exaggeratedly in incredulity. The other Pie sister’s eyes were unfocused moved and filled with dubiousness. I took another sip of my tea and prepared for the worst before continuing. "The torment started the first week I was there," I started off in a teary, upset voice, "I-I was bullied daily for my size and age. *cough* My ss-supplies were stolen from me most days of the wea-ww-week by the other girls. They would take my notebooks and toss them to each other over my head to taunt me. When they were done, they threw it either on top of a place I couldn't reach or in a trashcan when I was fortunate. At least I was able to retrieve my belongings then.” They closed their jaws and returned to normal eye size after Rainbow Dash replied, "That's terrible!" "It gets worse." I said back to her, sniffling a little, but not tearing or crying. "None of the other students wanted to be my friends when I was there. They said that I wasn't 'cool' enough to be around them and that I should 'go back to playing with dollies' or 'have tea with my imaginary friends.' The nerve! My imaginary friend was a much more real friend to me than any of the dweebs at the high school!" I must have started to sound angry in that last sentence because everyone looked spooked. I tried to collect myself. "I tried to just shrug everything off. For the most part it worked. I kept all the pain and all the tears inside. But there was one time when I actually got into a fight with a kid. "No way, Twipes!" Pinkie shouted in unbelief. "I can't see you ever hurting anyone!" Ow. I shivered and turned to face my friend. Those words caused me pain. I don't like hurting anyone, that much is certain, but it happened. I opened my mouth to speak. "It wasn't really an intentional 'fight.' You see, when I was a sophomore, a little accident happened. I turned a corner in the hallway while I was walking to my fourth class when Lollipop, one of the meanest girls in school, dashed around coming from the other side. She crashed into me. She had a coffee in her hand from lunch and, apparently, my collision with her dumped the entire hot mess on her skin and pink dress. She ran to the water fountain nearby to cool the coffee off. I ran to her and begged her forgiveness, but she was boiling over in anger." I was now transitioning from some sadness to anger with every passing word, getting up from my seated position to stand up in front of them and paced back and forth as I spoke. "She started complaining to me about how this dress of hers was brand-new and how I had ruined it. Nevermind the fact that her reckless dashing through the halls caused the accident. I told her she could just wash it out, but I don't think she was even listening to me at the time, what with the pain she felt." Then came the scariness in my voice. "She walked to me slowly, but angrily. I was only 4 ft. 7 at the time and she, being fourteen, had to be at least 5 and a half. She sucker punched me right in my face!" My shouting startled everyone, with Pinkie reaching over towards Maud for the pillow she was leaning against. She couldn't reach it, but Maud, not breaking her stare at me, handed it to her, who then tucked himself into a ball and the pillow tight around her arms and chest. I ended my short rant, saying, "I ended up getting a black eye and, when the nurse asked what happen, I told her I tripped outside and slammed my face on the flagpole. I don't know if anyone honestly believed that ridiculous story, but nobody questioned it. Nobody called my bluff. None of the kids those who witnessed the battle said anything about it. I chose also not to say anything because I feared Lolly would hurt me again or get her friends to hurt me. Everyone at that stupid school already hated me enough." "What about your parents and your brother? What did they say?" Rainbow Dash asked. I hung my head in shame and explained, "I just didn't tell my parents. l gave Shining the same bonked-my-head-on-the-flagpole story. I didn't want them to be disappointed in me and having to take me out of school because of that." The others were confused as to how I could said say such a thing. I continued speaking. My voice sounded sadder with each passing second. "I was in high school for three years, but I could have graduated from there much sooner. The reason I stayed longer was because I had completed all the basic classes and AP substitutes that were necessary to get a diploma, but I chose to stay and do more college classes, knowing I would attend college anyway and wanting to save money and and– and…" I stopped to gather my breath. "...and then after that I would become an adult." Rainbow Dash spoke up and asked, "Wait a minute, is that one of the reasons why you didn't go off to college proper: because you don't like getting older?" I looked myself up back to the trio and protested, "No, not exactly. It's because I think it was not best for me." Healing Past WoundsI continued what I was going to say. "Well, I would have still been much younger than the other students younger than the other kids in college, except it would have been even worse because college students are older; I would have still stuck out like Genghis Khan would in a geometry class. Plus I imagine the discrimination against me would have gotten even worse. I don't know. Maybe the students in college would be more mature, but I just wanted to get out of the system after being abused for so many years. But perhaps what scared me the most was–". I froze as I carefully considered my words. "What would I do after I graduate? I mean, even if I stayed in college for all six years, I would graduate at fifteen, and with child labor laws, I don't think I could have gotten a job anywhere." Suddenly my eyes opened wide as I realized something. "Wow... I spent all of my childhood working to make everyone else happy; my parents, my brother, my teachers, …I never gave myself permission to just be a kid. I never had any friends because I was too busy trying to impress my superiors." I buried my face in my arms and cried. Rainbow was confused. "Twilight, I… I don't understand. I thought you enjoyed being in school, around more understanding people." It took me a minute to respond as I tried to choke my tears. I am a total mess. I am a total loser awkward mess with no friends. I have always been that way. But someone has called on me to speak. I don't have time to throw a pity party. "I…*sniff*. I like learning. I like books and maths and English and everything else. But it would have been nice if I could have just been a kid. It would have been nice to have friends. Kids shouldn't be in college; they should be able to still have fun and not stress about being an adult because kids are not adults. Kids are kids..." Pinkie jumped up and hugged me. "Aww, Twily... I hate that you had such a rotten childhood..." Then she raised my head up. I was pouring tears. "But look at you now! You aren't alone anymore! You have friends! You have me, and Maud, and Rainbow Dash," Pinkie pointed at our company, "and then Fluttershy and Applejack and Sunset and everyone else!" Rainbow Dash and Maud Pie joined in the hug. I hated myself for throwing my private little pity party, but continuing that behavior would have just continued my pity party, which would have continued my awful mood, which would have continued me feeling terrible and probably have lessened everyone's opinion of me and... So I stopped. I sucked in my tears and wiped my eyes. I looked at Pinkie and smiled. "Thank you so so much, Pinkie... Thank you Maud! Thank you Rainbow! You guys are amazing friends! So much more than I..." I was absolutely beaming by now. Emotions are funny things. One moment I am bawling my eyes out and the next I am smiling bigger than I have ever smiled before. We all just hugged for several minutes, then we split and returned to our seats. Rainbow was the first to break the silence. "So uh, if you were such a miserable child, why did you stay? Why didn't you just tell your parents that you'd rather not be there anymore?" "You mean I should have dropped out?" I responded. She shook her head and said, "No. I mean couldn't you have gone back to the earlier years you talked about? You didn't have to take college classes if you didn't want to." "I suppose I could have just said no, but my parents wouldn't have liked that." Pinkie budged in this time. "How would you know?" There was a long silence in the room as I didn't answer. So quiet, the wind outside could be heard blowing against the house. Then, I instantly started up again. "Going to college always seemed like what they intended for me. They were always so happy about my excellence and praised me on a daily basis. To tell them I did not want to do all the move-ups would only hurt them and disappoint them. I could never upset my parents. I want to be a ball of sunshine for them." My smile was long gone by this point. I don't know how I looked, but I know my emotions were running at light speed by this point, so I doubt I was readable. Maud entered the conversation. "Twilight, hey. It's ok. Really it is. Hey. Look at me." I did as she instructed with the widest, saddest frown I think I had given that night. She said something that finally got through to me: "Your parents would never be disappointed in you; they love you very much. They were happy because they were proud of you, not because they wanted you to do it. Your parents want what's best for you, not them. If you don't want to be in college, just tell them. I'm sure they will understand." I wiped away the tears on my face and shrunk my frown some for her, choking my voice again. "You… y-you really… Do you really think so?" "Of course I do." She replied once more. "Every parent wants what is best for their child. I'm not one to talk but I feel as that's what they would do. We don't push anything on each other if we don't feel comfortable with it; we just support each other is all. That's what your parents were doing. They were supporting you, not encouraging you." Pinkie inserted, "I agree with Maud. If you would rather be a normal child than a prodigy then go ahead. Don't make yourself do something you aren't comfortable with just because of what others think." She got up off the couch and walked towards us. Maud came up from behind. "I- no, we are proud of you no matter what." Maud says, then adds on "Is what your parents would say." Rainbow Dash looked back outside one of the windows to see how much daylight was left. There wasn't much, and she looked concerned about how safe I would be walking home. She chuckles a little. "What's so funny?" I said, almost snappily. "Ah, nothing, heh." RD replied with a smile. "It's gonna be dark soon. You should probably head home.” I nodded in agreement, feeling I might have overstayed my welcome and caused them enough despair. I was lifted and encouraged by their words though. I felt confident. I was going to talk to my parents tonight. I grabbed my homework and walked towards the door. "Oh, wait!" I stopped, "Please excuse me. I forgot to clean and return my silverware." I took a step toward the kitchen, but Rainbow grabbed my shoulder. "I'll take care of it, Twi!." Rainbow Dash announced loudly. "But promise me you'll tell your parents about this whole deal. They'll understand, trust me." I smiled. I was a little nervous, but I knew everything would turn out okay. "I promise." I said almost in a whisper before more loudly announcing, “I promise, Rainbow! I will talk to my parents tonight! "Great! See ya later!!" Pinkie shouted as she waved. "Bye!" Rainbow Dash yelled. Maud said nothing but I knew she would say the same thing. I left Sugarcube Corner and walked home. My mind was running at a thousand kilometers a minute, but I knew I could do this. My heart was filled with confidence. We Love You, TwilightNighttime had fallen upon the city. The only light remaining came from the buildings and the lampposts. I moseyed down the dim street, not fearing anything the night had to offer. After about 20 minutes, I reached my house. All the lights were on. I took a deep breath, mustered my bravado, and knocked on the door. I heard my father scream something in response, although I could not make it out. My mother responded in a similar volume but then opened the door. Her tone returned to its usual melodious self as she greeted me. "Oh, hello Twilight." she said softly. "Did you have fun staying with your friends?" I responded shyly, "Oh, you know. It was very, er, fun. Heheh." "Is something wrong, Twily dear?" "Well, actually… I need to talk to you and dad about something. It's important." "...Oh, okay." My mother clearly did not know what to make of the situation. "Come on in." Mom waved her hand out in front of me as I walked through the door. I went into the kitchen where my dad was, angrily mumbling about all the bills that had to be paid. I took a seat on one of the chairs at the dining table and waited for my father to finish his rants. He didn't stop, not even when I took a seat. After a few minutes, my mother tapped him on the shoulder. "Dear, your daughter is here. She wants to talk with us." With that, Dad calmed himself, sat his papers on the table, and gave me the best smile he could, although his eyes were shadowed by restless bags. "Oh, hello sweets," he spoke to me in a stressed voice, although he tried hard to pretend to be calm and collected. "How is my little daughter doing? I'm sure you got all your homework finished, right?" "Yeah, I finished my homework while I was Sugarcube Corner." I replied, looking away from my father and nervously twiddling my fingers. My father looked at me. He seemed almost angry, but more confused and concerned. "Twily, what's wrong? Are you feeling alright?" "I'm fine, dad. It's just… *ahem* I have something I need to tell you both." I rubbed the back of my head as I spoke. "What is it dear?" My mother joined us at the table. If only Pinkie or RD was sitting with us, I would felt much more comforted. I remained silent for several minutes, trying to predict how my parents would respond to my revelation. I took a deep breath and calmed myself before speaking, preparing for the worst. "Mom, Dad, I was talking with Pinkie, Rainbow, and Maud at Sugarcube when I realized something important." I coughed. "Twilight," my father began, "whatever you want to tell us, know that we are here for you. We want to make sure you are healthy and happy." My father tried as best he could to put on a happy look. I calmed myself upon hearing these words. Maybe the others were right: maybe my parents wouldn't kill me for this. "Mom, Dad, I, er, I don't want to attend university just yet. The truth is that I just want to go to school with my friends. I spent all of my childhood alone, and now I finally have allies. I want to enjoy it..." I was trying desperately to sound joyous and appealing, but I was struggling. Their eyes lit shock over my words. They were speechless. My mother raised her hand over her mouth as she gasped, and my father stared down upon me in silence. I opened my mouth to speak again, but I didn't know what to say. I just grinded my teeth in fear. My mother was first to speak. "Twilight, I… I-I don't understand. Why don't you want to go ahead to college?" she asked as she lowered her hand from her mouth. My father immediately followed. “Twilight! What on earth has gotten you to think something like this?! Have you been doing something behind our back?!" He screamed at me. If I wasn't terrified before I spoke, I was certainly frightened now. I closed my eyes and turned away from my father as he shouted at me, but I knew I couldn't quit. I turned back in the direction of my parents to explain what I said. "Dad," I said, directing most of my attention towards him now. "I told my friends back at Sugarcube about when I was younger in school and taking all those advanced tests. I told them about how you guys were so happy about my intelligence and how, well..." I paused as I catched my breath. "I never wanted to advance to middle or high school. I always felt like an alien there, and I was. I never had any friends, and everyone bullied me. I only went through with everything because… b-because I thought it was what you two expected from me. I just wanted to make you happy!" I was tearing at this point. My parents looked at each other, surprised by my words. My father broke the silence, speaking more softly now. "Twilight. You... Y-You thought we wanted you to do this?" I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment surely painting my parents' faces. "You guys were just so happy and so proud of me. I was afraid that telling you 'no' would have made you upset..." Yeah, I was definitely tearing up now. My voice was terribly hopeless. I must have sounded like the tears of 16 years came crashing down in one night. "I didn't *sniffle* ah-I could not have stood myself if I made you two... If I… d-diss-a-point-ed you... I was scared of souring your dreams and hopes and–" I laid my face in my lap and hid my eyes from the world. I was openly crying now, the first time my parents have ever seen me in such a broken state… A mask that I have built to suppress my sadness had finally broken. I heard footsteps before suddenly a hand rested on my left shoulder. I opened one eye to see that it was my mom, sniffling and looking at me with regret in her eyes. I hated myself when I saw those mournful eyes, but then my mother opened her mouth: "Twilight, why would you ever think we would be disappointed in you? You're our daughter and you mean everything to your father and I. We were so proud of how brilliant you were, but we never knew you felt this way." My mother squeezed me as my father rose to join the hug also. He began to speak as well. "Twilight, If you never wanted all this, you should have told us." he piled on in a more sincere, fatherly tone. He was more than likely regretting the raising of his voice from just earlier. "Your mother and I are very proud of you, but we would never have put you through what you went through if we knew it went against your wishes. We love you. We love you to the darkest valley and back. We love you no matter what." I looked up at my father. I was absolutely bawling by this point. "Whether you are smart or not, a college professor or kindergarten student, teacher or maid, farmhand or queen, ...we will support you no matter what. We just want you to be happy. If you don't think college is a good idea at this point in life, we will continue to support you at home.” Dad wiped away the tears on my face. He brushed my hair back and hugged me again in an attempt to calm me down. I rose my face to look at him. "So… you guys *sniff* you wouldn't be mad if… I just *cough* I wanted to stay in high school with my friends?" My parents looked at each other to confirm their facial expressions at each other. They were both grinning at each other, with beady eyes locked in contact together. They turned back towards me and my father, putting his index finger under my chin so that I would look up towards him through all the tears in my eyes. "Of course. If that is what you want, your mother and I are more than ok with that." My mother intervened and told me, who faced me as she started speaking, "We are so sorry for ever putting so much pressure on you, Dear. We only want what is best for you." I could not help but smile. Though my eyes were still filled with tears,. I felt lighter than I had ever felt before, like an anchor has been lifted off of my chest. I stood to ring my arms around both of my parents' necks. "Thank you, Mom and Dad." They pulled themselves out from under my arms to grab hold of me and hug back as my father said, "We love you, Twily. We hope you can forgive us for making you feel this way." My mother followed with, "and we're sorry for all the years you missed. We will do support you in whatever you choose to do from this point on." My head rested between my parents' shoulders. As the last of my tears came falling from my eyes, I smiled. I truly felt like my parents loved me, and I was so thankful to Pinkie, Maud, and Dash for giving me the courage to tell them how I felt. Joy was overwhelming me, but the moment quickly ended when my father, who pulled me away from my mother, still holding me, and injected, "So then Buttercup, do you think you can finish the rest of your classes this year? So that way you'll have several credits if and when you decide you do want to attend college." I looked at my father, frowning a little, but I quickly understood the logic in his question. I smiled and closed my eyes as my cheeks lit up. "Of course, Dad! I promise." "Ah-haha! There's our happy little girl now!" My father cried out as he tightened the hug. "We can finish this conversation and head down to the university first thing tomorrow morning to tell them the news. But right now it's bedtime. We can't have our little angel all sleep-deprived and cranky now, can we?" he said as he smiled at me. "Daaad, please!" I squealed in embarrassment, but I was happy to feel anything but sad after the day I had. "Your father is right." My mother said from behind. "It's time for you to get some sleep. We will pray for you though, Twis. Come talk to us again if anything comes up, okay?" "I'll be okay, Mom. Thank you for hearing me out." I cried out as I walked out of the kitchen to head up stairs and get ready to brush her teeth and head to bed. I waved at them while still facing them in the kitchen "Goodnight Mom. Goodnight Dad." They both cried out at the same time, "Goodnight Twilight." I walked up the stairs, pulling out my cell phone as I continued going up. I opened the text menu to text Rainbow Dash. "I just told my parents the news. You girls were right. They totally understood. Thank you so much." A few seconds later, she responded a text back saying, "Hey, what are friends for? Pinkie wants to know though: Does this mean we won't see you for awhile?" I wasn't sure in my response, but I assumed I would just be gone for a few months at best. I texted back, still a little unsure in my mind, "Of course you will see me again! I'll still be here in town, and you girls aren't going anywhere soon now, are you? Don't worry, it's all fine." The last text I got just as I reached the top of the stairs was: 'That's a relief. We would have been devastated if so. I'm about crash for the night. TTY in the morning! Glad to know everything worked out' I responded back: 'Sleep tight! Thanks once again for being there for me!' There was no response, but I turned my phone off, waiting to go to sleep, but even after doing my routines and getting into bed, I couldn't help but wonder. What if I never do see them again? What if things didn't play out? I had no idea, and only morning would hold the answers from my parents. I slowly closed my eyes, unsure about what to expect from their response to be tomorrow morning. Only time would tell but... I can only hope for the best. Author's Note When we are young, we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind. There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable desires. Speak up for yourself and make yourself heard. Sometimes, speaking up is the best thing instead of staying silent.
Unspoken WordsIt was a beautiful Saturday evening. Maud Pie, Rainbow Dash, and I had all gathered at Pinkie’s place at Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash was in the living room playing some sort of video game. Pinkie was in the kitchen reading a cookbook, and Maud was cooking for us all. I was busy finishing some Calculus work that I wanted to finish before relaxing with the others. In another room, Rainbow Dash could be heard shouting things like, "Yeah, I gotcha!" and, "Oh, you little cheater." She was heavily invested in whatever game she was playing. The rest of us had no idea what she was even playing. Pinkie looked up from her cookbook to her sister and groaned, “Maaaud! When is the food going to be ready?" Pinkie is not the patient type, especially when she’s hungry. "I’m almost finished," Maud replied in her monotone, calm voice. She didn't even lift her head because she was so heavily invested in her culinary creation. While she didn’t usually make much, cooking was Maud’s favorite activity. She never minded cooking for all of us. "BOOM! You. Have. Lost!" Rainbow shouted from the other room. I and the two Pies with me in the kitchen chuckled. “C’mere, Twi! You have to see this awesometacular score I just got!” she shouted. I couldn't help but giggle at this. My face lit up. "Hang on Rainbow Dash, I'm almost done." I said still face-deep into my homework. I scribbled in the final part of my equation and answered the the final question. I stored my papers in my binder and put my pencil in my backpack, but Maud made an announcement just as I stood to walk towards RD. “Lunch is ready! Everyone come sit in the dining room.” And we all came in to eat. We didn't eat out in the spacious and charming customer's dining area at Sugarcube Corner, but we ate in a private dining room behind the kitchen for the family. It was rather plain and small, even somewhat cramped. Rainbow Dash had a much larger appetite than anyone else. Maud served her not one, not two, but three sandwiches, which I deduced all featured lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and mayonnaise, but different meats. I deduced by looking that one sandwich contained salmon, another beef, and the final ham. Everyone's sandwiches were beautiful. Every topping was perfectly centered, and even the sesame seeds seemed to be symmetrically dusted. This must have been why the cooking took so long. I giggled and felt almost bad for Maud though. Her craftsmanship was disappearing quickly. Rainbow Dash seemed happy to eat and scarfed down her sandwiches in 20 seconds, but Pinkie surprisingly seemed bothered by Rainbow's ill manners. She closed her cookbook, returned it to the shelf, and sat politely. I thought this was kind of odd. I had never imagined Pinkie as a courteous person. Rainbow Dash might as well have eaten the whole table. Pinkie was sitting and eating her food uncharacteristically calmly, and there were not enough seats for Maud to sit at the table. Maud didn’t seem to care though. I felt guilty as I realized I was too busy watching everyone else to have taken a single bite of my own meal. I looked down at my plate and was amazed. "Wow Maud. This looks incredible." I said as I stared at the sandwich of her masterpiece plopped in front of me. "It is." Rainbow Dash choked out of her mouth as she was shoveling food in her mouth. "Hey Twilight, what was that you were working on?" Pinkie asked. She seemed to be mostly through her first sandwich right now. I looked up from my sandwich, which I had taken only two bites from by then. RD was already almost done with her pile of food, and Maud was quietly and leisurely chewing on her second sandwich. "It was Calculus II." I replied, trying to sound humble. "Two calcu-- calculuses… cluseseses… calculi… whatever! That’s too many maths! How many even are there?" Rainbow Dash inquired. "There are different stages of calculus. At Crystal Prep Academy, there are eight levels of calculus, but unless you want to major in math in college, you only have to take the first two." Rainbow Dash seemed surprised that there were eight levels. She choked on her food, spat it out, and practically screamed, "Eight?! What kind of dweeb would take EIGHT YEARS of calculus?" She looked up from the disgusting, half-chewed food she left on her plate and quipped, “I wish math was a video game! I could beat eight levels of video game math faster than a rhino could eat a cucumber!" “I don’t think rhinos eat cucumbers,” added Maud. “See? I can move WAY faster!!” Rainbow Dash tried to finish eating the pile of regurgitated food she left on her plate. "Well this is the second level. I already completed Calculus I back in high school." Rainbow Dash murmured through her stuffed mouth, "How did you do that?" "Oh, well, I took AP Calculus in my freshmen year, well… in the first semester of my freshman year technically." I continued on by explaining how an AP class is different from a regular class. "AP courses allow students college credits if they pass. I finished AP Calculus I in high school, so I was given a credit toward college. Regular high school classes don't do that." Everyone looked dumbfounded as I realized this was the first time I had ever told anyone about my scholastic life. Pinkie opened her mouth and asked, "High school, huh? What was that like?" I was hungry. Instead of answering Pinkie, I instantly grabbed my sandwich and wolfed the biggest bite I could out of it. She seemed capable of taking the hint. I wanted to change the subject, so I quizzed Maud as soon as my mouth was clear enough to speak. "I am impressed, Maud. How did you learn to make food so well?" I knew the answer. The entire Pie family is trained in cooking. Maud stared at me and realized my strategy. I know she cares about me, but she doesn’t like being used, and she was not going to be a pawn. She grinned at me deviously and shook her head while quietly chewing on her sandwich. I made a mistake by asking the cleverest of the three to change the subject. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash meanwhile stared at Maud for a little bit, expecting her to say something as well. When the silence continued, they looked at each other, not understanding what was going on. I must have looked perturbed. I was quietly chewing, staring down at my plate, probably blushing. I hoped nobody would quiz me further regarding my education. But Rainbow Dash eventually broke the silence. "Is something wrong, Twilight?" I swallowed what was in my mouth and sighed exasperatedly. Rainbow Dash must have realized what I was hinting at. She looked kind of offended though. Her eyebrows were angled and her face was a frown. "Look, you don't have to tell us about it if you don't want to," she scowled. "We understand if you feel uncomfortable." This only made me grumble in anger. "It’s fine, Rainbow Dash. It's okay. I… I'm okay with telling you guys. Can we at least talk about it in the den though?" I finished the last few bites of my meal and headed to the living room. Pinkie, Maud, and Rainbow Dash followed. I stood on a stool in front of the couch and waited for everyone to situate themselves. Pinkie sat down in the middle after Rainbow Dash and Maud took each side. All was silent as they waited for me to speak, but I was nervous. I sat down with my eyes on the floor, my hands in my pockets, and my mind filled with anxiety. Still, everyone just stared at me. I could feel their eyes piercing into my being. I took a deep breath and pulled my head up to start from the beginning.
Painful MemoriesThe sky was beginning to dim. I could tell by the levels of light pouring in through the window. “Do you guys remember when we first met and I told you about how I skipped a few classes?” "Yeah, back when you started hanging out with us a month ago. What about that?" Rainbow Dash responded cluelessly. I continued. "Well, it is true that I was able to skip a few classes, but it didn't happen all at once. You see: It all started back in Kindergarten when I was little." The Pies and Dash seemed intrigued as they listened to my speech. "While most kids there were playing tic-tac-toe or running around playing tag, I was reading and studying. I don't know why, but I enjoyed it. Just opening a book and tuning all the noise out seemed peaceful and serene. I loved reading so much that I started reading into everything in every book. Every piece of the plot stood for something, every piece of every character stood for something, every prop, every location... When my teacher found out about this, she was very impressed by my interpretation." "Eventually," I continued, "when my parents were told about this, I was taken to a testing center to see how advanced my intellectual skills were. I swear, I must have taken a hundred tests over the course of a few weeks. When it was all done with, my parents were told by the testing facility that I was 'gifted'. They said I had the intellect of a middle schooler, and recommended that I advance onto 7th grade." Rainbow Dash seemed to be confused by this and didn't understand the the sizable jump. In fact, everyone's faces looked perturbed, so I thought it best to explain. "You see, in the school system, there are 12 grades, plus Kindergarten, so 13. K-5 is Elementary, 6-8 is Middle, and 9-12 is High School, usually. I basically skipped six grades after being in Kindergarten for only 4 months." Everyone seemed rather surprised by this, silently applauding me with their eyeballs for my "gift." but I continued, though this time my voice started to sound a little more upsetting; broken, stuttery. "So in August, a month after I turned seven, I went on to seventh grade. I skipped the rest of of elementary school... but I kk-kind of didn't want to..." I blushed a little. "Then why did you?" Rainbow Dash asked after she finished her meal. Pinkie followed. “Yeah, why?” I coughed. "I felt like it was what my parents wanted. The moment they realized how intelligent I was, they were so proud of me that it seemed like they wanted me to go through with it. They were just so happy and all-for-me that I was afraid. I thought saying no might disappoint them." I frowned a little, showing this was clearly bothering me, but before any of them could intervene, I continued. "After arriving there, I kind of, well… I was mocked; made fun of." At that moment, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were stunned to hear this. Pinkie dropped her sandwich on the floor before inquiring, “Made fun of you how?” Answering this question would be painful, but I took a deep breath and prayed silently for courage. "It started with verbal abuse. The other kids would make fun of my age, appearance, and anything else they could think of. I was able to let that much roll over me. You know what they say, sticks and stones… Eventually though, some of the girls started doing more… physical things, like dumping milk over my head in the cafeteria and knocking my books and papers out of my hands in the hall. Everyone told me I was a huge baby.” The Pies and Rainbow Dash were all appalled. Maud stood and spoke. "I will hunt them down and make them apologize." I nervously laughed. Maud talked like she was serious. Before anyone questioned the matter, Pinkie chimed in and said, "Whoa, Twi. You were bullied?" I looked away again and closed my eyes, unable to look at them. I finally responded in a quiet whisper. "Yeah, but middle school wasn't even the worst of it. High school came after that…" Everyone squirmed in their seats, pained by the mental image of me being tormented. My head hung, I must have looked like a pulsating sphere of sadness ready to burst. Maud, who was still standing, walked toward me and gave me a hug. It felt nice to be held. It felt nice to be loved. I am so happy I am away from those wretched places... Maud’s embrace brightened my spirit somewhat. My head rested on her gray sweater as she squeezed me. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie just watched in awe and sympathy. A spell of time passed before I raised my head, opened my eyes, and forced a small, dim smile. I was grateful for Maud’s loving gesture. Maud then retreated, happy to have comforted me. She turned to face her sister and Rainbow Dash on the couch and returned to them as they all patiently waited for me to continue. I couldn’t tell if Maud had a soft spot for me or if she just felt guilty for not changing the subject earlier in the kitchen. Whatever the case may have been, I continued from where I left off, a little more happy than when I first began. Unfortunately, that happiness did not last long. "Anyways," I said as I tried to remember where I left off, "Umm… so… I was only in middle school for two years. I aced so many tests and quizzes that the school recommended I try some high school leveled practice exams. I was reluctant, but the abuse from the other kids wouldn't stop, so I agreed. I was hoping high school would be better." I paused as I tried to order my next thoughts into a coherent sentence. "So I went along with the tests and, surprising nobody, I was high and above Canterlot High’s standards. They said middle school was too basic for me and that I should go off to high school. I was excited to be accepted into high school at such a young age, but I was kind of sad too. I never had any friends growing up. I had been alone my entire life. I was told kids in high school were more mature and open-minded, so I--" I froze and clamped my eyes shut, fighting the tears. This is always a painful story to remember. I can only imagine the looks everyone gave me, but nobody spoke. I don’t know if they were afraid of making me sadder or just confused. The whole world felt like it was collapsing on me, and the pressure increased every second. Tears started trickling out of my eyes, however tightly closed they may have been. I had to finish my story, so I spoke, tearfully choking over my words. "I was actually... gullible enough *sniffle* to believe them." I wiped the tears out of my eyes, wanting to prove I was still somehow strong. But--but I couldn’t even stop-- *sniff* stop crying-- "Twilight don't! You don't have to tell us if this is hurting you so much.” Rainbow Dash spoke. “We feel horrible for making you feel like this. Please don’t hurt yourself any more trying to tell us this story." Pinkie quickly interjected along with her. "Yeah, we want you to be happy, not… this." Pinkie has always known how to cheer me up when I felt this much like garbage, but not this time. I didn’t even know what to call my emotions. Was I feeling pain? Sorrow? Anger? Regardless, my outburst flooded the room. I felt even worse for it, but I made everyone else feel as sad as I was right then. Maud silently stood and walked to the kitchen when I started to cry. After a minute or two, she returned with a cup of tea, hoping to calm my nerves. She walked past the couch and placed the drink on my hand. Without even checking to observe it, I took a sip and brushed my hair back. I still couldn’t stop the tears. "Tha-- *sniff* thank you…," I replied in a in a very quiet and devastating manner. I took a sip of the tea as Maud returned to her seat to give me all the space I needed. The others sat with dumbfounded looks on their faces, unsure whether or not to speak. Pinkie whispered to Rainbow Dash, saying, "I don't know what to do here. I don’t want to just sit here and watch my friend be miserable. We shouldn't make her feel like she has to continue, but we can't just tell her to stop." Rainbow Dash replied, "I know, but I feel lost too. I don’t have any idea what to do in this situation either." Those two were awful at whispering. I could hear every word they spoke. Maud joined the ‘hushed’ conversation and said, "I hope the tea will calm her nerves. It always does mine." It wasn’t even hard to hear them, but I was-- *cough* happy that they cared about me. I felt like I had to say something, so I choked out a few words: "Girls. *snif* It's okay, really. It's just that… nobody has even asked me about my chi-- *cough* my childhood before.” I tried to sound as calm as I could. “I have never had to talk about it before, so I just tried… not to think about it..." "What about your parents?" Rainbow Dash asked. "They had to have known about your movement to high school. Did they never catch on to how you felt about it?” I stared straight at her and exclaimed, "No, th--” I choked on my words. “I know they loved me, but I was scared that they wouldn't love me anymore if I stopped excelling in school. But before I tell you that story, …c-can I finish with high school?" Everyone seemed a little discomforted by this, fearing it would only devastate me more, but they did not want to hurt my feelings even more. Saying no would only have only made me feel unappreciated. Pinkie spoke out on behalf of the other two with some uncertainty in her voice. "Umm, s-sure, if it will help." I was actually able to force a smile through my tear-stained face as I sipped on the tea Maud made me. I think the drink actually did help me. I sat the cup on the table and continued sewing my yarn. "I told my parents about my accomplishments and the big places I was going and once more, they were very happy for me. My dad even took me and my mom out to dinner that night to celebrate my achievement. Between me, the news, the food, my parents, and my brother were laughing and praising me. They told me I was a “great kid.” They spoke about how they “always knew I was destined for greatness,” I sounded spiteful in my words. I didn't hate my parents, but I have never felt an emotional connection to them. "They were surprised that I was blessed with such genius at such a young age." "I ended up accepting the offer and, when I was nine, started out my freshman year in high school." I said this smiling a little more, looking almost normal and having moved past from the near breakdown a little while ago. "Now, I was at high school a while longer than the other schools, but that was mostly because I stayed and took more advanced classes earlier on. We had a total of six classes per year, and since high school lasts for four, how many is that?" I quizzed the girls. Rainbow Dash answered first, "Uh, 22?" Pinkie followed suit. “Would it be 26? I chuckled and shook my head. I needed to laugh. Maud finally spoke and gave the correct answer, 24. "Correct. I could have just taken basic classes, but some of these basics could be replaced with college versions: Pre-calc. with AP calc, History with AP Hist., and so on. Some classes could not do this, like algebra and economics, at my school at least. Truth is though..." I stopped to catch myself, instantly losing the smile I had reclaimed. "I only did it because my parents along with my brother thought I should. I mean, they did tell me that 'they believed I could do it' and 'I did not have to if I didn't desire it', but I thought it was just there way of saying they wanted me to." In that instance, I noticed Rainbow Dash’s body language communicated that she felt sympathetic for me, and she felt guilty. She correlated what my parents got me to do with her own actions earlier. She turned her head away from me to drown herself in shame, but looking out at the window, she noticed the sun was going down. I couldn't believe that night was coming so fast. It seemed too soon. One thought came to mind… how long have I been talking? “Wow. I feel bad for taking up your entire afternoon, guys. Do you want me to stuff a metaphorical yarn of shoelaces in my oral cavity?" “No no no! Please continue!” Pinkie objected. "Well, okay … Stop me if I become annoying though okay?” After pausing for a few seconds, I resumed. “So what my middle school counselor had told me was a gargantuan lie. Maturity was most certainly not present there. The students thrashed me both verbally and physically.” Rainbow Dash jerked her head up and stared at me unbelievingly, and Pinkie’s jaw dropped exaggeratedly in incredulity. The other Pie sister’s eyes were unfocused moved and filled with dubiousness. I took another sip of my tea and prepared for the worst before continuing. "The torment started the first week I was there," I started off in a teary, upset voice, "I-I was bullied daily for my size and age. *cough* My ss-supplies were stolen from me most days of the wea-ww-week by the other girls. They would take my notebooks and toss them to each other over my head to taunt me. When they were done, they threw it either on top of a place I couldn't reach or in a trashcan when I was fortunate. At least I was able to retrieve my belongings then.” They closed their jaws and returned to normal eye size after Rainbow Dash replied, "That's terrible!" "It gets worse." I said back to her, sniffling a little, but not tearing or crying. "None of the other students wanted to be my friends when I was there. They said that I wasn't 'cool' enough to be around them and that I should 'go back to playing with dollies' or 'have tea with my imaginary friends.' The nerve! My imaginary friend was a much more real friend to me than any of the dweebs at the high school!" I must have started to sound angry in that last sentence because everyone looked spooked. I tried to collect myself. "I tried to just shrug everything off. For the most part it worked. I kept all the pain and all the tears inside. But there was one time when I actually got into a fight with a kid. "No way, Twipes!" Pinkie shouted in unbelief. "I can't see you ever hurting anyone!" Ow. I shivered and turned to face my friend. Those words caused me pain. I don't like hurting anyone, that much is certain, but it happened. I opened my mouth to speak. "It wasn't really an intentional 'fight.' You see, when I was a sophomore, a little accident happened. I turned a corner in the hallway while I was walking to my fourth class when Lollipop, one of the meanest girls in school, dashed around coming from the other side. She crashed into me. She had a coffee in her hand from lunch and, apparently, my collision with her dumped the entire hot mess on her skin and pink dress. She ran to the water fountain nearby to cool the coffee off. I ran to her and begged her forgiveness, but she was boiling over in anger." I was now transitioning from some sadness to anger with every passing word, getting up from my seated position to stand up in front of them and paced back and forth as I spoke. "She started complaining to me about how this dress of hers was brand-new and how I had ruined it. Nevermind the fact that her reckless dashing through the halls caused the accident. I told her she could just wash it out, but I don't think she was even listening to me at the time, what with the pain she felt." Then came the scariness in my voice. "She walked to me slowly, but angrily. I was only 4 ft. 7 at the time and she, being fourteen, had to be at least 5 and a half. She sucker punched me right in my face!" My shouting startled everyone, with Pinkie reaching over towards Maud for the pillow she was leaning against. She couldn't reach it, but Maud, not breaking her stare at me, handed it to her, who then tucked himself into a ball and the pillow tight around her arms and chest. I ended my short rant, saying, "I ended up getting a black eye and, when the nurse asked what happen, I told her I tripped outside and slammed my face on the flagpole. I don't know if anyone honestly believed that ridiculous story, but nobody questioned it. Nobody called my bluff. None of the kids those who witnessed the battle said anything about it. I chose also not to say anything because I feared Lolly would hurt me again or get her friends to hurt me. Everyone at that stupid school already hated me enough." "What about your parents and your brother? What did they say?" Rainbow Dash asked. I hung my head in shame and explained, "I just didn't tell my parents. l gave Shining the same bonked-my-head-on-the-flagpole story. I didn't want them to be disappointed in me and having to take me out of school because of that." The others were confused as to how I could said say such a thing. I continued speaking. My voice sounded sadder with each passing second. "I was in high school for three years, but I could have graduated from there much sooner. The reason I stayed longer was because I had completed all the basic classes and AP substitutes that were necessary to get a diploma, but I chose to stay and do more college classes, knowing I would attend college anyway and wanting to save money and and– and…" I stopped to gather my breath. "...and then after that I would become an adult." Rainbow Dash spoke up and asked, "Wait a minute, is that one of the reasons why you didn't go off to college proper: because you don't like getting older?" I looked myself up back to the trio and protested, "No, not exactly. It's because I think it was not best for me."
Healing Past WoundsI continued what I was going to say. "Well, I would have still been much younger than the other students younger than the other kids in college, except it would have been even worse because college students are older; I would have still stuck out like Genghis Khan would in a geometry class. Plus I imagine the discrimination against me would have gotten even worse. I don't know. Maybe the students in college would be more mature, but I just wanted to get out of the system after being abused for so many years. But perhaps what scared me the most was–". I froze as I carefully considered my words. "What would I do after I graduate? I mean, even if I stayed in college for all six years, I would graduate at fifteen, and with child labor laws, I don't think I could have gotten a job anywhere." Suddenly my eyes opened wide as I realized something. "Wow... I spent all of my childhood working to make everyone else happy; my parents, my brother, my teachers, …I never gave myself permission to just be a kid. I never had any friends because I was too busy trying to impress my superiors." I buried my face in my arms and cried. Rainbow was confused. "Twilight, I… I don't understand. I thought you enjoyed being in school, around more understanding people." It took me a minute to respond as I tried to choke my tears. I am a total mess. I am a total loser awkward mess with no friends. I have always been that way. But someone has called on me to speak. I don't have time to throw a pity party. "I…*sniff*. I like learning. I like books and maths and English and everything else. But it would have been nice if I could have just been a kid. It would have been nice to have friends. Kids shouldn't be in college; they should be able to still have fun and not stress about being an adult because kids are not adults. Kids are kids..." Pinkie jumped up and hugged me. "Aww, Twily... I hate that you had such a rotten childhood..." Then she raised my head up. I was pouring tears. "But look at you now! You aren't alone anymore! You have friends! You have me, and Maud, and Rainbow Dash," Pinkie pointed at our company, "and then Fluttershy and Applejack and Sunset and everyone else!" Rainbow Dash and Maud Pie joined in the hug. I hated myself for throwing my private little pity party, but continuing that behavior would have just continued my pity party, which would have continued my awful mood, which would have continued me feeling terrible and probably have lessened everyone's opinion of me and... So I stopped. I sucked in my tears and wiped my eyes. I looked at Pinkie and smiled. "Thank you so so much, Pinkie... Thank you Maud! Thank you Rainbow! You guys are amazing friends! So much more than I..." I was absolutely beaming by now. Emotions are funny things. One moment I am bawling my eyes out and the next I am smiling bigger than I have ever smiled before. We all just hugged for several minutes, then we split and returned to our seats. Rainbow was the first to break the silence. "So uh, if you were such a miserable child, why did you stay? Why didn't you just tell your parents that you'd rather not be there anymore?" "You mean I should have dropped out?" I responded. She shook her head and said, "No. I mean couldn't you have gone back to the earlier years you talked about? You didn't have to take college classes if you didn't want to." "I suppose I could have just said no, but my parents wouldn't have liked that." Pinkie budged in this time. "How would you know?" There was a long silence in the room as I didn't answer. So quiet, the wind outside could be heard blowing against the house. Then, I instantly started up again. "Going to college always seemed like what they intended for me. They were always so happy about my excellence and praised me on a daily basis. To tell them I did not want to do all the move-ups would only hurt them and disappoint them. I could never upset my parents. I want to be a ball of sunshine for them." My smile was long gone by this point. I don't know how I looked, but I know my emotions were running at light speed by this point, so I doubt I was readable. Maud entered the conversation. "Twilight, hey. It's ok. Really it is. Hey. Look at me." I did as she instructed with the widest, saddest frown I think I had given that night. She said something that finally got through to me: "Your parents would never be disappointed in you; they love you very much. They were happy because they were proud of you, not because they wanted you to do it. Your parents want what's best for you, not them. If you don't want to be in college, just tell them. I'm sure they will understand." I wiped away the tears on my face and shrunk my frown some for her, choking my voice again. "You… y-you really… Do you really think so?" "Of course I do." She replied once more. "Every parent wants what is best for their child. I'm not one to talk but I feel as that's what they would do. We don't push anything on each other if we don't feel comfortable with it; we just support each other is all. That's what your parents were doing. They were supporting you, not encouraging you." Pinkie inserted, "I agree with Maud. If you would rather be a normal child than a prodigy then go ahead. Don't make yourself do something you aren't comfortable with just because of what others think." She got up off the couch and walked towards us. Maud came up from behind. "I- no, we are proud of you no matter what." Maud says, then adds on "Is what your parents would say." Rainbow Dash looked back outside one of the windows to see how much daylight was left. There wasn't much, and she looked concerned about how safe I would be walking home. She chuckles a little. "What's so funny?" I said, almost snappily. "Ah, nothing, heh." RD replied with a smile. "It's gonna be dark soon. You should probably head home.” I nodded in agreement, feeling I might have overstayed my welcome and caused them enough despair. I was lifted and encouraged by their words though. I felt confident. I was going to talk to my parents tonight. I grabbed my homework and walked towards the door. "Oh, wait!" I stopped, "Please excuse me. I forgot to clean and return my silverware." I took a step toward the kitchen, but Rainbow grabbed my shoulder. "I'll take care of it, Twi!." Rainbow Dash announced loudly. "But promise me you'll tell your parents about this whole deal. They'll understand, trust me." I smiled. I was a little nervous, but I knew everything would turn out okay. "I promise." I said almost in a whisper before more loudly announcing, “I promise, Rainbow! I will talk to my parents tonight! "Great! See ya later!!" Pinkie shouted as she waved. "Bye!" Rainbow Dash yelled. Maud said nothing but I knew she would say the same thing. I left Sugarcube Corner and walked home. My mind was running at a thousand kilometers a minute, but I knew I could do this. My heart was filled with confidence.
We Love You, TwilightNighttime had fallen upon the city. The only light remaining came from the buildings and the lampposts. I moseyed down the dim street, not fearing anything the night had to offer. After about 20 minutes, I reached my house. All the lights were on. I took a deep breath, mustered my bravado, and knocked on the door. I heard my father scream something in response, although I could not make it out. My mother responded in a similar volume but then opened the door. Her tone returned to its usual melodious self as she greeted me. "Oh, hello Twilight." she said softly. "Did you have fun staying with your friends?" I responded shyly, "Oh, you know. It was very, er, fun. Heheh." "Is something wrong, Twily dear?" "Well, actually… I need to talk to you and dad about something. It's important." "...Oh, okay." My mother clearly did not know what to make of the situation. "Come on in." Mom waved her hand out in front of me as I walked through the door. I went into the kitchen where my dad was, angrily mumbling about all the bills that had to be paid. I took a seat on one of the chairs at the dining table and waited for my father to finish his rants. He didn't stop, not even when I took a seat. After a few minutes, my mother tapped him on the shoulder. "Dear, your daughter is here. She wants to talk with us." With that, Dad calmed himself, sat his papers on the table, and gave me the best smile he could, although his eyes were shadowed by restless bags. "Oh, hello sweets," he spoke to me in a stressed voice, although he tried hard to pretend to be calm and collected. "How is my little daughter doing? I'm sure you got all your homework finished, right?" "Yeah, I finished my homework while I was Sugarcube Corner." I replied, looking away from my father and nervously twiddling my fingers. My father looked at me. He seemed almost angry, but more confused and concerned. "Twily, what's wrong? Are you feeling alright?" "I'm fine, dad. It's just… *ahem* I have something I need to tell you both." I rubbed the back of my head as I spoke. "What is it dear?" My mother joined us at the table. If only Pinkie or RD was sitting with us, I would felt much more comforted. I remained silent for several minutes, trying to predict how my parents would respond to my revelation. I took a deep breath and calmed myself before speaking, preparing for the worst. "Mom, Dad, I was talking with Pinkie, Rainbow, and Maud at Sugarcube when I realized something important." I coughed. "Twilight," my father began, "whatever you want to tell us, know that we are here for you. We want to make sure you are healthy and happy." My father tried as best he could to put on a happy look. I calmed myself upon hearing these words. Maybe the others were right: maybe my parents wouldn't kill me for this. "Mom, Dad, I, er, I don't want to attend university just yet. The truth is that I just want to go to school with my friends. I spent all of my childhood alone, and now I finally have allies. I want to enjoy it..." I was trying desperately to sound joyous and appealing, but I was struggling. Their eyes lit shock over my words. They were speechless. My mother raised her hand over her mouth as she gasped, and my father stared down upon me in silence. I opened my mouth to speak again, but I didn't know what to say. I just grinded my teeth in fear. My mother was first to speak. "Twilight, I… I-I don't understand. Why don't you want to go ahead to college?" she asked as she lowered her hand from her mouth. My father immediately followed. “Twilight! What on earth has gotten you to think something like this?! Have you been doing something behind our back?!" He screamed at me. If I wasn't terrified before I spoke, I was certainly frightened now. I closed my eyes and turned away from my father as he shouted at me, but I knew I couldn't quit. I turned back in the direction of my parents to explain what I said. "Dad," I said, directing most of my attention towards him now. "I told my friends back at Sugarcube about when I was younger in school and taking all those advanced tests. I told them about how you guys were so happy about my intelligence and how, well..." I paused as I catched my breath. "I never wanted to advance to middle or high school. I always felt like an alien there, and I was. I never had any friends, and everyone bullied me. I only went through with everything because… b-because I thought it was what you two expected from me. I just wanted to make you happy!" I was tearing at this point. My parents looked at each other, surprised by my words. My father broke the silence, speaking more softly now. "Twilight. You... Y-You thought we wanted you to do this?" I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment surely painting my parents' faces. "You guys were just so happy and so proud of me. I was afraid that telling you 'no' would have made you upset..." Yeah, I was definitely tearing up now. My voice was terribly hopeless. I must have sounded like the tears of 16 years came crashing down in one night. "I didn't *sniffle* ah-I could not have stood myself if I made you two... If I… d-diss-a-point-ed you... I was scared of souring your dreams and hopes and–" I laid my face in my lap and hid my eyes from the world. I was openly crying now, the first time my parents have ever seen me in such a broken state… A mask that I have built to suppress my sadness had finally broken. I heard footsteps before suddenly a hand rested on my left shoulder. I opened one eye to see that it was my mom, sniffling and looking at me with regret in her eyes. I hated myself when I saw those mournful eyes, but then my mother opened her mouth: "Twilight, why would you ever think we would be disappointed in you? You're our daughter and you mean everything to your father and I. We were so proud of how brilliant you were, but we never knew you felt this way." My mother squeezed me as my father rose to join the hug also. He began to speak as well. "Twilight, If you never wanted all this, you should have told us." he piled on in a more sincere, fatherly tone. He was more than likely regretting the raising of his voice from just earlier. "Your mother and I are very proud of you, but we would never have put you through what you went through if we knew it went against your wishes. We love you. We love you to the darkest valley and back. We love you no matter what." I looked up at my father. I was absolutely bawling by this point. "Whether you are smart or not, a college professor or kindergarten student, teacher or maid, farmhand or queen, ...we will support you no matter what. We just want you to be happy. If you don't think college is a good idea at this point in life, we will continue to support you at home.” Dad wiped away the tears on my face. He brushed my hair back and hugged me again in an attempt to calm me down. I rose my face to look at him. "So… you guys *sniff* you wouldn't be mad if… I just *cough* I wanted to stay in high school with my friends?" My parents looked at each other to confirm their facial expressions at each other. They were both grinning at each other, with beady eyes locked in contact together. They turned back towards me and my father, putting his index finger under my chin so that I would look up towards him through all the tears in my eyes. "Of course. If that is what you want, your mother and I are more than ok with that." My mother intervened and told me, who faced me as she started speaking, "We are so sorry for ever putting so much pressure on you, Dear. We only want what is best for you." I could not help but smile. Though my eyes were still filled with tears,. I felt lighter than I had ever felt before, like an anchor has been lifted off of my chest. I stood to ring my arms around both of my parents' necks. "Thank you, Mom and Dad." They pulled themselves out from under my arms to grab hold of me and hug back as my father said, "We love you, Twily. We hope you can forgive us for making you feel this way." My mother followed with, "and we're sorry for all the years you missed. We will do support you in whatever you choose to do from this point on." My head rested between my parents' shoulders. As the last of my tears came falling from my eyes, I smiled. I truly felt like my parents loved me, and I was so thankful to Pinkie, Maud, and Dash for giving me the courage to tell them how I felt. Joy was overwhelming me, but the moment quickly ended when my father, who pulled me away from my mother, still holding me, and injected, "So then Buttercup, do you think you can finish the rest of your classes this year? So that way you'll have several credits if and when you decide you do want to attend college." I looked at my father, frowning a little, but I quickly understood the logic in his question. I smiled and closed my eyes as my cheeks lit up. "Of course, Dad! I promise." "Ah-haha! There's our happy little girl now!" My father cried out as he tightened the hug. "We can finish this conversation and head down to the university first thing tomorrow morning to tell them the news. But right now it's bedtime. We can't have our little angel all sleep-deprived and cranky now, can we?" he said as he smiled at me. "Daaad, please!" I squealed in embarrassment, but I was happy to feel anything but sad after the day I had. "Your father is right." My mother said from behind. "It's time for you to get some sleep. We will pray for you though, Twis. Come talk to us again if anything comes up, okay?" "I'll be okay, Mom. Thank you for hearing me out." I cried out as I walked out of the kitchen to head up stairs and get ready to brush her teeth and head to bed. I waved at them while still facing them in the kitchen "Goodnight Mom. Goodnight Dad." They both cried out at the same time, "Goodnight Twilight." I walked up the stairs, pulling out my cell phone as I continued going up. I opened the text menu to text Rainbow Dash. "I just told my parents the news. You girls were right. They totally understood. Thank you so much." A few seconds later, she responded a text back saying, "Hey, what are friends for? Pinkie wants to know though: Does this mean we won't see you for awhile?" I wasn't sure in my response, but I assumed I would just be gone for a few months at best. I texted back, still a little unsure in my mind, "Of course you will see me again! I'll still be here in town, and you girls aren't going anywhere soon now, are you? Don't worry, it's all fine." The last text I got just as I reached the top of the stairs was: 'That's a relief. We would have been devastated if so. I'm about crash for the night. TTY in the morning! Glad to know everything worked out' I responded back: 'Sleep tight! Thanks once again for being there for me!' There was no response, but I turned my phone off, waiting to go to sleep, but even after doing my routines and getting into bed, I couldn't help but wonder. What if I never do see them again? What if things didn't play out? I had no idea, and only morning would hold the answers from my parents. I slowly closed my eyes, unsure about what to expect from their response to be tomorrow morning. Only time would tell but... I can only hope for the best. Author's Note When we are young, we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind. There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable desires. Speak up for yourself and make yourself heard. Sometimes, speaking up is the best thing instead of staying silent.
