In the worst possible place
In the middle of the frozen tundras lay the Crystal Empire, shining brightly as the Crystal Heart kept the snow away and the crystals glistened in the sunlight. A full week had passed since the mane six retrieved the Crystal Heart and banished King Sombra to the ice once more, along with a rather strange stallion.
While everyone above ground was celebrating their newfound freedom, two beings under all the ice were trying to find any way to pass the time. One more enthusiastic than the other.
"Ok, my turn bro. I spy with my little eye, somethin' beginning with 'D'." Sombrad spoke with his usual cocky grin.
Sombra stopped banging his head off the ice wall to reply. "Ugh...is it darkness?" He asked with boredom and annoyance evident in his voice.
"Right again big bro! Wow, you're really rad at this game dude!"
"I hate you...so damn much..."
Sombrad shook his head and pat Sombra on the back while adjusting his shades. "Oh come on bro, you don't mean that. If you really hated me and were actually a good villain you would have killed me be now."
Sombra's left eye twitched in anger. "You mean like what I should have done with those six mares until you showed up and distracted me, which need I remind you trapped us both below the ice for all eternity!?"
Sombrad was silent for a moment before placing a hoof on his brothers shoulder. "You're right, my bad big bro, I was just so excited to see you after all that time."
"Well that's fine but why are you still like this? The whole soda pop and sideways cap thing went out of style centuries ago." Sombra asked as he turned and sat down with his back leaning against the wall.
"Mom and dad kept me in the house after you got imprisoned the first time around, something about not making the same mistake twice." Sombrad explained with slight frustration.
Sombra sighed and put a hoof to his head. "So what you're saying is it's mom and dads fault because they kept you so sheltered you didn't even know the world had moved on?"
"Pretty much."
"That...actually explains a lot." The two sat in silence, with nothing more to talk about they went to their own corners of the room and began to sleep away their eternal imprisonment. As Sombra was about to let slumber take him something came to mind, causing him to sit upright with fear in his eyes. "Please tell me they didn't do the same with sis."
Sombrad opened his eyes and shrugged. "Probably, but why should we care man? There's no way she'd be able to get down here."
"Yeah, I guess you're right." As he said this, the two heard a faint sound coming from one of the ice walls. Curious, the two walked over and placed their ears against the wall.
"What is this strangely narly sound dude?"
"Say narly one more time and I swear to Solaris I'll rip out your spine and shove it up your-" Suddenly a piece of the ice wall broke off, revealing an end of a steel pickaxe.
"Dude, someone's come to save us!"
"That or some miner got lost in a cave and is trying to dig their way out. Either way we've got to kill them." Sombra said darkly while picking up a sharp icicle in his magic.
"What?! Not cool bro, why would you wanna do something as bogus as that?"
Sombra ignored the fact that his brother had just said 'bogus' and shook his head. "Because if we let them go free they could tell someone we escaped or would still be lost down here and would die a cold lonely death anyway."
The pickaxe was pulled back and struck the ice again, shattering the ice and creating a large hole. Sombra was about to move in for the kill when he stopped and noticed who it was. A mare with a grey coat and long black mane, pink lipstick on her muzzle and pink eyeliner on her eyes. She blew a bubblegum bubble and let it pop before she returned to chewing it. "Sup bro bro."
Sombrad smiled while Sombra dropped the icicle and began hitting the ground with his hooves. "OH ****, **** *** ******* **** **** ******* **** **** *** ***** ****!!!"
Sombrad just stared in confusion and slight worry. "You ok there man?"
Sombra's eye twitched again before he took in a deep breath and sighed. "Happy place...happy place..." Taking in another breath he stood straight and regained his composure. "Hello...Umbra, what brings you here?"
Umbra blew another bubble before answering. "Mom and dad are like, really mad at you two for getting thrown into this, like, ice prison and everything." She spoke with her stereotypical teenaged girls voice.
Sombra shook his head, already feeling a massive headache coming on. "Right, so they sent you here to get us and take us home right?"
"Yah, now move your fat flanks, it's like, a hundred below zero here. Also, I need to get back, like, right now. My boyfriend is waiting for me."
Both Sombra and Sombrad looked to each other with knowing eyes. "Another boyfriend?" They both asked.
"Yah, but he's, like, totally different from the other guys, he's, like, really sweet and owns and really amazing tattoo place and is ripped as hay." Both brothers deadpanned and shook their heads.
"What's this guys name sis?" Sombrad asked.
"Jack Fukboi."
Sombra facehoofed and groaned. "How did you not...you know what I don't care. Let's just get out if here."
"Hold up, we aren't going anywhere until I've done my nails. I scratched the pain while I was mining you guys outta this place."
"For the love of Solaris YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE NAILS, NONE OF US DO!!!"
Umbra just glared and blew another bubble before turning away. "Geez, looks like its somepony's time of the month..."
Sombrad struggled to keep his laughter in while Sombra gritted his teeth. "You two are the reason I am insane..."
"You sure it wasn't, like, all those 'crystals' you always talked about?" Umbra asked as the three walked through the ice caves.
"Oh sure, make fun of my one dimension as a character why don't you..." Sombra muttered under his breath.
"So sis, what've you been up to?" Sombrad asked trying to lighten the mood.
Umbra smiled. "Well, I've been attending cheerleader tryouts to try and get near all the, like, really buff hoofball players, it's how I met Jack, but then all the other cheerleaders kept saying that the only reason he liked me was because my flank is so fat, so I was like-"
As Umbra kept going on and on with her pointless teenage crap, Sombrad leaned over to Sombra. "Bro, I'm starting to regret asking, her voice is so annoying it's really killing my vibes man."
"Now you know how I feel around you dumbass..."
"-so then I was like, girl you need to get your flank in shape if you ever want to get a stallion, and she was all like-"
"Dear Solaris this is torture..." Both groaned.
And so, the trio eventually got lost in the caves for days, the two stallions being forced to listen to their sisters whining and pointless gossip until they tried to drown her out with earplugs made of icicles, only to have them melt due to their bodies heat. They blamed their parents for the entire journey and the rest of their lives.
Author's Note
I don't expect this to even come close to the previous one in terms of comedy. I just had this idea in my head and had to get it in written.
If you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
Thanks for reading! If you'd like to see a third instalment with their parents let me know.
