Author's Note
Well, I hope that this is enough to please anyone looking for a story like this. I have no idea how this site works yet, so I hope that everything is in order.
Prologue
Equestria and Earth have been connected in peace and harmony for five years now. I was just starting college when it happened. Boy, was that a thing that definitely happened. Going to college with a bunch of small, technicolor ponies was a surefire way to keep me good and antisocial for my freshman and sophomore year. But, with the help of my best bud, Karl, I got over it pretty quickly.
Honestly, he was fucking one of the damn things and, no, I'm not about to make a joke about Germans or the Nazis with their Aryan race thing. Karl ain't that type of guy. He just so happened to put his dick into a green Pegasus.
... So much for keeping that bloodline pure though, Karl.
Anyway, my name is Richard Willow, and yes, there is a dick joke in there somewhere. Dick jokes aside, this is more of a story of my relationship. With a pony. An alicorn pony princess god thing.
... Yeah, so much for keeping that bloodline pure. Cool-cool.
It all started the last few weeks of my last year in college. Needless to say, with finals around the bend, I was stressed out. Karl's marefriend, Autumn Leaves, had told me about this place a mile or two from the EQ side of the portal. See, there was a portal opened in the middle of campus for all the pony students and the human students who lived in Equestria. I had been more than a little wary.
I hadn't even been to Equestria yet. Most of the world had at least gone through the portals to take a peek. But, with a little convincing from both Autumn and Karl, I agreed that it was time for a day of rest and relaxation. It wasn't bad. I mean, I can't say the glaring colors were very kind to my poor eyes, but at the same time, the weather was amazing!
To get straight to the point, while we were walking through the park, we saw this one pony sitting on a bench, reading. Please, keep in mind that I didn't have my glasses or my contacts on me. I figured we were just going on a walk. So, when Karl goes, "Dude, she's hot. Go get her number or something," I figured it'd be alright.
It's not like I seriously considered dating a pony. I'd do one of my horrible pick-up tricks, get shot down, and walk away as I normally do. Oh, how foolish and naïve I was. "What should I do this time?"
Autumn tried to pipe in, "Um, guys, you might not want to-"
"Dubstep Solves Everything."
I whacked him in the shoulder, "No, dude!"
"Please, guys, that's not an ordinary po-"
"C'mon, Rich, please?"
With a heavy sigh, I raked a hand through my short, sandy hair, "Fine. This isn't gonna end well, though."
With the beat in my head, I walk up to the indigo colored pony and shamelessly spit out the lyrics to the video. "I like smile, girl. Diggin' mah style, girl? Why don't you drop that book and hang with me for a while, girl. You seem like you've got class. Let me dubstep yo' ass!"
She looked at me with those big, teal eyes. I waited for my cue. "Dubstep?" she asked me, "What is that?"
Hook, line, and sinker. "I'm glad you fuckin' asked!"
What followed next was a series of weird warbles and raspberries that constituted my dubstep impression. Feigning breathlessness, I leaned on the bench and finished, "Can I get your digits, girl?"
There was a long pause. Her lips slowly scrunched. And a snort burst into a full on giggle-fest. How?! When the pony had gained her faculties, she asked me, "Are you asking me for a cellular phone number?"
"Uh..." I looked back to Karl.
He was laughing his ass off and Autumn looked absolutely mortified. I looked to the mysterious mare and nodded. Another cute giggle. "Well, I don't have such a device. But, I believe you deserve as much for such an entertaining display. If you give me your cellular phone number, I shall gladly obtain one and contact you, if you wish."
"Oh!" I pat myself for paper, even though I knew I didn't have any.
I held the pencil that I kept in my pocket up and chuckled nervously. She only smiled and levitated the book to me. It was opened to the title page. Plenty of room to write. Quickly, I jot down the number.
"My name's Richard, by the way. Richard Willow."
The pony got down from the bench and held a hoof up to me, "My name is Luna. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Richard Willow."
That had me thinking. Hadn't I heard the name Luna before...? I hadn't the time to put it together because before I knew it, she was gone. Stunned, I simply went back to Karl and Autumn. Karl spoke first, "Well?"
"I don't know how, but I nailed it," I said.
Karl whooped and slapped around my shoulders in celebration. Autumn, however, was nervous wreck, "Richard! Do you have any idea who that was you were speaking to?!"
"... A unicorn...? Whose name is Luna?"
"That was Princess Luna!"
I took a mockingly deep breath, dramatic pause, "Who?"
The mare looked as if she were going to explode, "Princess Celestia's sister!"
"Oh," I felt the blood draining from my face, "And I just dubstepped her."
"Yeah," she snapped.
"But at least she laughed, right?" Karl suddenly got between us before Autumn totally flipped her shit, "Baby, why don't we get back home to Earth?"
With a heavy sigh, she looked up at him with those big friggin' blue eyes of hers, "Oh, alright, K."
That should've been the end, right? Nope!
Nearly a month later, after not hearing a damn thing, what do I get? You guessed it! A phone called from an Equestrian number. It was Luna. We stayed up and talked till the sun rose.
Then, suddenly, we're out at a café for brunch the next day. But, she sighed. "What's up?" I asked.
I sat back in my chair as she stared into her tea. She liked the sugar plum blend they had. A rainy day like this was great for tea. Luna stared into her cup some more. It was relatively early and no one else was in the shop.
All we could hear was the pitter-patter of the rain. "I just..." she began, "I think I could use a much needed vacation."
"Oh, yeah?" I leaned forward and cradled my cup of Earl Gray, "How, exactly does one take a vacation when they're a princess?"
Luna replied, "I don't know. I've never vacationed before."
"Seriously? But, aren't you on the lower side of two thousand years old?"
"Yes, but do keep in mind my... rebellious phase, as you so eloquently put it. Half of my life was spent imprisoned in the moon."
"Well, geez, when you put it like that, it's hard for me to joke about it," I smirked half-heartedly.
Luna's giggles signaled that my job was done, which made me smile. I sat back and scratched at the thick scruff of my developing beard. "You have nice eyes," she said out of the blue.
"Huh?"
"The color, I mean. You have very pony-like eyes. I like it," she said, "The magenta makes you unique to other humans."
And, damn did that have me blushing. Sure, it was hardly anything for someone to notice my eyes, but for someone to complement them. For a girl (who isn't my mom) to complement my eyes just did something to me, I guess. But, I just shrugged and said, "Thanks. There's this thing we humans call Alexandria Genesis Syndrome. Gives us violet or, in my case, magenta eyes."
Luna hummed and a small, comfortable silence swept over us. It was then that my theory from when we met came to mind. "Hey, Luna?"
Again, she hummed to acknowledge me. I continued, "Does the name Lunalicious mean anything to you?"
Calmly, she sipped her tea before saying, "I should hope so. That's my YouTube channel."
All I could do was blink. So, that's where I'd heard her voice. This mare had like 300,000 subs on a gaming channel. "Wow," was all I could muster.
A small smirk appeared on Luna's face. "Please do not tell us that thou art surprised, dear Richard," she said, "How many of our ponies dost thou see partaking and indulging in your human virtual realms?"
For whatever reason, when she used sarcasm, she reverted to what she called the Royal We and her old dialect. But, Momma didn't raise no quitter! I'd fired back with, "Obviously, one that doesn't use a webcam. Unless you've gone to PAX recently, I don't think too many of your fans realize that you're even a pony."
With a smirk of my own, I watched as Luna sputtered and looked anywhere but at me, her cheeks growing violet. I let out a hearty laugh and said, "Ah, don't worry about it, you'll get one eventually. Even PewDiePie started out without a camera."
"Yes, this... PewDiePie is certainly an interesting character. Mr. Kjellburg is quite different from his online persona, unlike some of his colleagues," she mused.
After that, we sat in silence until we finished our tea. As we exited the café, I find myself asking, "Do you wanna come hang at my place?"
She smiled up at me, "Certainly."
My rinky-dink studio apartment was hardly what anyone would even think to call home. It showed in Luna's face when we walked in. I remember being half embarrassed, and half touched at how hard she was trying not to mock it. After all, she was used to a very lavish lifestyle. "It's..." she looked away sheepishly, "Cozy."
I chuckled, "Luna, it's a shitty apartment. You don't gotta sugarcoat it."
"Oh, thank goodness," she exhaled in relief, "Why do you live so dismally?"
"Well," I moved to sit down on my stained and ripped couch, "I didn't really have a place to go after I graduated college, and this place was affordable."
"Do you not have family that you can go to?"
I turned my gaze downward. "My family and I aren't on very friendly terms right now," I said.
When I looked up, into Luna's eyes, I wished I hadn't. She was worried and searching my eyes, I could tell. God, looking back now, it seems ridiculous how all of this panned out. I braced myself for the question I knew was coming. Only, it didn't.
Luna merely nodded, "I understand the feeling. I also know how hard it can be to talk about it."
She approached the couch and hopped up next to me. "You know," she began, "I have a thought."
"Think, O Thinker," I said, voice dripping with sarcasm.
The both of us briefly chuckled together before she explained, "I want to get away for a while, and you don't deserve to live like this, so I propose a deal."
I look around. The room was horribly grey and barren with dirty linoleum flooring. It was a dump. So, I raise an eyebrow to coax her further. Luna obliged, "How about we rent a house, here on Earth? We can split the cost since I make a little money from YouTube and you must have a job to maintain this place."
A hand went up to scratch the back of my head, "I-I dunno, Luna. I mean, I can survive living in a dump and it's just that..."
"Just that what?"
"I just don't know if living with a girl, or mare, would be ethical, y'know?"
It was at that moment that Luna unleashed the most horrifying, dreadful thing unto me. Those fucking eyes! No, you don't understand, these things were huge and sparkly and hypnotizing as fuck!
But, if I'd had the will to say no, then there wouldn't be a story to tell, now would there? It's been about a year now. I have no idea how Luna convinced her sister to let her stay here or how long we were gonna stay like this, but it's nice. For once, I have someone to come home to, y'know? It's even better since I work the graveyard shift at the local supermarket.
Yeah, college degree, my ass.