The Average Morning of a Lonely Heart
As I fade into consciousness, my room comes into vision, and I feel the familiar morning drowsiness that tells the rest of me that a new day has arrived. I begin to hear the sounds that often perpetuate the morning rush. Ponies running, birds chirping, windows opening, the birds chirping…… did I mention the birds? Well, they aren’t too bad; I mean, in the large scheme of things they are barely important at all, and yet, they continue to chirp happily, almost unaware of their insignificance.
I Think as I stare up at the ceiling. The dark grey plaster consumes my attention, laying in my bed. Well, at least that’s what I like to think it is, but the more apt description would be a glorified sleeping bag, only a bit bigger.
After waiting for almost an eternity doing nothing more than admiring the rough texture of the ceiling. I finally muster up the will to emerge from my “bed”, and after throwing off my only blanket, I plop down onto the wooden floor. My legs shiver as my hooves touch the ground. The cold bites at my ankles, and I can’t help but wince. I walk across the room, and prepare for the daily rituals that almost seem to dominate my life. My home is sparse, variety and color seemingly being rather absent, the bleak Décor really doesn’t make it better either. Walking with laboring steps, I make my way to and into the bathroom. I climb the nearby stool and look directly at a still blurry mirror… blinking, I wipe at my eyes and my visage comes into focus.
A small horn juts from my forehead. Normally it would be concealed by my mane, however said mane is currently caught up in clumps of matted disaster. My eyes meet, well, my eyes. They are brown...ish, unremarkably brown, tree brown…? Eh, could never really tell the difference. Breaking away from my inspection, I grab my nearby hairbrush, intent on getting rid of my bad case of bedhead. Taking it up in my hooves, I try my best to guide it to the lowest part of my mane.
“OW” Ugh
“AH” why does
“UH” This have to
“URG” be so painful?
I wish some pony wou- “GAH”
would just invent a “OWW” magic Hairbrush or some...thing... I stop.
Magic…
The word echoes in my head. And the world around me… blurs.
Oh that would be just soooo convenient now wouldn’t it? Having something we can all use. But noooo that would make it too easy, I mean it’s not like some of us can’t do the fancy smancy spells that magically Fix Every Single Problem without effort.
And all those who can are praised for all their accomplishments and actions. Its soooo amazing how special they are, and all the ponies who can’t cast then are ob-v-ious-ly not trying hard enough. Because they can do it, so why can’t everyone else live up to their standards??
It’s not like I was born with magic that can only produce sad little sparks that don’t do ANYTHING.
And I can’t just go to school and learn it because I lack the physical ability to do what I need to get into University and get the Knowledge and Degree I need to do my job, and it’s all Magic Spell A is needed in formula X or you must cast this spell to get a higher grade for this assignment and succeed for once in your life, so why can’t they just take their oh so amazing magic and SHOVE IT-.
I reel back as I accidently slam my face into the mirror. My cheeks heat up in red hot Embarrassment. My nose starts to sting, and I rub it with my hoof.
Nice going stupid.
My ears fold back. I can’t believe I let myself go off like that.
*Sigh* Not Like I can change anything anyway…
After a while the pain stops, and so I continue brushing my mane. There isn’t a lot left to do, and so now only after a few more minutes I’m staring at a now slightly poofier mane.
Opening my mouth, I inspect my teeth. They’re mostly okay, no stains or anything, so I assume that I can wait until tonight to brush them.
I turn around and walk over to my abysmally small shower. Shutting the curtain around me, I confine myself to whopping three by three-foot standing space. Reaching over to the tap, I gently turn it and then-
Cold
I yip in surprise as the freezing cold water washes over me. Scrambling, I try my best to grasp at the tap to turn the water off. I yank it over to the left and wait for the water to shu-
It. Didn’t. shut. Off. In fact, now the water was freezing.
Growling in anger, I rip open the curtain and I jump out of the shower. Hugging against the wall, I reach out with my hooves to find the tap once again. I push and pull repeatedly at it and eventually I manage to finally shut off the accursed thing. Grabbing a towel from a nearby rack, I dry myself, and the now slick floor. Wrapping myself up, I curse under my breath as I realize that my neighbors must have used up all the hot water last night. Whoever though that having multiple buildings running on a single communal hot water heater was a good idea should be shot out of Equestria with a catapult.
I walk out of the bathroom and into my room and resolve to do my showering for the day sometime later tonight, preferably when I’m not going to catch hypothermia from stupid design choices. Putting my gripes aside, for now, I make my way over to the stairs and resolve to go down and get breakfast on the go.
The stairs are just to my left; they lead down into the front of my house. Making my way over I stop at the top of them and look down. The steps are insanely steep, and more than once have I found myself scared half to death after my hoof slipped off one of them. Looking back towards the rest of the room, I contemplate just going back to bed.
It’s not like Ponies need anything I sell, and I don’t exactly need to go anywhere or meet anypony.
Assuming anyone would ever want to “meet” me.
I could just lay down and just… stop.
Unfortunately for me, food isn’t free, nor are taxes, or anything, really.
I begin to meticulously hop from one step and downwards to the next. The “thunk” of my hooves hitting the hard steps rings out around the house, and after only a few steps, the front of my home comes into view.
A lonely counter extends from the far wall, separating me from my customers. Behind it are a small selection of Alchemical equipment, well-worn with time.
The Drawers and shelves beside them are empty, with only a few actually containing the Ingredients I need to make the Medication and herbal remedies I create for a living.
Reaching the bottom of the stairs, and catching myself before I face plant into more cold flooring, I take a sharp turn to my right and the room opens up into my kitchen. Population including; one icebox, one table, two chairs, and several cupboards.
Homing in to one in particular I open it up to be greeted by the total of two selections for breakfast. Week old oatmeal mix, (sugarless of course) or stale bread; both of which are not very appealing. Eventually I pick up the oatmeal box and bring it over to the table. Setting it down, I then turn to start rummaging through the cupboards to find the right bowl. I frustratingly mutter under my breath as I eventually find it. With bowl in hoof I open the icebox and scan it for my next ingredient.
Milk
Sighting my objective hiding under some cheese, I take the half-full jug out of its corner and into the world at large.
Wow, I just tried to make finding milk interesting… I really need a hobby.
Bringing the last remaining ingredient of the Triade of Breakfast Basics, I begin the very complicated task of pouring in the milk to just the right amount, so that it wouldn’t overflow when I put the mix in. After which I add the oatmeal.
It unceremoniously plops into the bowl, making me second guess my decision to buy bargain brand products.
The smell is reminiscent of sewage, and its putridness curdles my nose.
Taking the Box and turning it onto its side, I search for an explanation. In rather bold red ink it says “Expiration 07/27”. Huh, I guess that explains the smell at least, considering its now October. Now checking and turning over the milk jug, I can see that it too has expired.
Since Its already in the bowl, I guess I could still eat it. I mean, it’s not like its moldy or anything.
Climbing up onto the chair, I then proceed do the less than flattering act of sticking my muzzle into the bowl and eating.
I immediately regret this decision
Maybe it’s because my black coat is going to have one more additional stain on it
or It’s because I realize how much of a mess I’m going to make
or hey, maybe it’s because This tastes like wet bread doused with cough syrup.
I resist gagging, and even though the thought of even smelling this atrocity to cooking makes me cringe, I don’t want to have to waste any more food.
I actually have to force myself to swallow the “food”. To think that this all could have been avoided if SOMEPONY had bothered to do the simple task, one that even a foal could do, of checking the expiration date.
I can feel my eye begin to twitch.
Oh, and if only my sister could see me now, she would probably laugh and laugh and act like my incompetence is Ooooh so funny, and everypony would l-l-laugh at m-me.
I can feel the tears straining at the edge of my eyes.
S-she didn’t do it on purpose, I know she loved me. Just because she went out of her way to try and make me stand out. Her calling me “Sparky” was just her way of being Endearing.
I hated it
And everypony reminded me just why I did. They didn’t even call me by name, it was always “that weird pony” or the Aforementioned “Sparky” or, at the worst, they’d just call me “that annoying filly”. I just wanted to have friends, but the only person who ever even talked to me other than to ridicule me, was sis.
She made it look so simple. She could walk up to, LITERALLY anypony on the street, and by the time she got home, she’d tell me, mom, and dad allllll about the awesome new friend she made and all the stuff she was planning to do with said friend.
HOW!?!?
HOW DID SHE DO IT!?!?
I mean, it’s not like you can just go up to somepony and ask “oh hey you wanna be Friends???”.
Who does that? Nopony, but Just like that she was Friends with everypony. And I Have N-no one to…
The tears flow freely down my cheeks, and I can hear the plop of them falling into my breakfast bellow, looking down, I push away my oatmeal.
I… don’t feel hungry anymore…
I remove myself from the chair. I know I should clean up after myself, but I can’t be bothered trying to go through the ordeal of carrying a bowl outside with only my hooves.
I-I need some fresh air, everything is okay, I-I just need to calm down.
I rush through my house and barge through my front door into the street.
It is surprisingly vacant, although that’s to be expected, considering it’s at the crack of dawn. Sitting down onto the cold gravel I lift my head up and inhale deeply.
Everything is okay. Exhale
Everything is okay. Inhale
Everything is okay. Exhale
Everything is okay. Inhale
Everything is okay. Exhale
Eventually the tears stop, and I just stare blankly at the sky. The sun warms my body, and gives me what little comfort it can give. The cold Canterlot mountain air fills my lungs and restores calm.
I simply bask in the morning atmosphere, letting the combination of warm sunlight and cool air sooth my Body and Mind. I don’t know how long I’ve sat here, and frankly I don’t actually care.
Eventually though, my meditation is interrupted by the sounds of other pony’s daily routines. The rest of the world doesn’t seem to want to wait for me. I turn around and walk back into my house, pausing only to flip the “closed” sign to “open”.
Walking around behind the counter, I begin to unpack the drawer’s content; Herbal remedies and commercially legal potions and medicine.
I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I reason, as I scan over my wares. I have my own house, a business to call my own. Everything is okay. I Should be okay, but, I can’t help but feel like I have some sort of void inside of me that makes all my accomplishments seem in vain, and it just leaves me feeling…empty.
I place the last few jars of painkillers on the shelf, and with a sigh I turn around and muster up a smile to meet the first pony that walk’s through that door.
I’ve made it this far, and at this point, That’s Really all that mat-
“Gurgle”
Oh
Oh please no
I rush back upstairs as quickly as I can. Clutching my stomach with my hooves I rip into the bathroom and I throw myself over the toilet and throw up the soggy crud that I mistakenly though was somehow edible.
“groan”
That’s… ugh. That’s all that matters.
The Average Afternoon of a Lonely Heart
“There you go sir. Now, is there anything else that you might…”
Looking up, I catch a glimpse of the blue and red tail highlights of my most recent customer through the door, right before it closes shut with an audible “bang”. I slump against the counter.
Sigh…
It had been awhile after I… recovered from my self-inflicted food poisoning. I had gone back downstairs and taken my place at the counter. Then, I waited for my First customer.
And waited.
And waited.
And, waited.
Finally, after almost an hour later, a rather rude stallion showed up and asked me for something to deal with his headache, and I obliged him. Yet, he didn’t even have the courtesy to say anything and just slammed some bits on the counter and ran out through the front door without even a “thank you”.
I suppose I should’ve expected this, the ponies who inhabit the slums of Canterlot are not exactly the type you would categorize as “friendly”. After all, they’re in the same boat as I am.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t be polite about it.
I crouch down and grab a small pouch from under the counter with my mouth. Trying, and mainly failing, to ignore the taste. I place it onto the counter and I hold it still with my hooves. I now use my teeth to bite onto the small rope keeping my money from falling out.
It comes loose, and so I let go of it and, very carefully use my hooves to lift each individual coin and drop it into the small bag with a “Ching” of each coin hitting each other. And, after getting through the extremely annoying process, I tie up the bag again, put it back in its place, and lament quietly over how many times I have to go through it every day.
Cloth doesn’t taste any better the thirty-eighth time than it did the first.
The rest of the morning had gone along quietly, with only a few other ponies stopping by to purchase some painkillers and sleeping aids; the usual over-the-counter Trivial drugs and the like. Soon enough the Morning Rush had changed into the almost completely lifeless Afternoon.
I once again hear the swish of the door opening, breaking the silence. Putting up a smile, I look up to greet my newest Client.
“Hi! Welcome to- “
I don’t get a chance to finish. My face blanches under my coat. The expression of the pony across from me, however, seems to be just as shocked as I am, although with relief rather than fear. Her cyan eyes lock onto mine.
Aurora Shield, my sister.
She towers over me by… at least six centimeters. Her stylized Mane is done up into a ponytail that drapes down to her shoulders, her green and blue locks interwoven together. This, combined with her pristine white coat and perfect figure, makes her one of the most beautiful and sought after mares in Canterlot… At least that’s what all the colts from school seemed to think. She hasn’t changed at all since I last saw her, when I-…
“Twisted?”
Her Inquiry jolts me from my thoughts. She looks at me, expectantly and eyes full of hope.
“oh! uh…”
Too late now… you already confirmed it by responding. You can’t back your way out of this one.
“uh... hi… sis, um… long time no see?” I say awkwardly, adopting a nervous smile.
Her expression however, does a complete flip.
“Hi? Hi?!? You run away and disappear for four years and the best you can come up with… is Hi?!?”
That… I did not expect. Her high-pitched tone and angry glare cuts into me like a knife. And I wilt under her disappointed gaze.
“Mom and dad were so worried about you! I was so worried about you! And when me and Breeze couldn’t find you, they were scared half to death that you had been kidnapped… or worse!”
“I-I’m sorry” I blurt out, too scared and confused to form a real response.
“You’re-?!” She stops as she takes in my response, and her face softens upon seeing my fearful expression.
“Twist I-, it’s been so long… I-I just can’t Believe it’s really you!”
Her face shifts into one of joy, and tears begin to form at the corners of her eyes. She trots up to me and attempts to hug me. But I instinctively take a step back.
Hurt flashes through her face.
“W-What’s wrong? Are you okay??” She says, voice dripping with concern.
“I-I’m fine. I’m just… Surprised to see you as well.” I reply, a little more casually then I’d Intended.
“Twist, where have you been all this time?? What have you been doing? How- “
Sis started firing off question after question, her words blended together into a garble of sound. Panic creeps slowly throughout my body. So, before I got overwhelmed, I decided to stop her before she really went off kilter.
“Stop! Look, why don’t we situate ourselves down in the kitchen and I’ll get us some drinks and then we can talk in a more… private area?” She followed my hoof as I motioned it towards the clear glass windows at the front of the shop, where just outside ponies where running about their daily routines and generally putzing about. She nodded in understanding.
“Alright… but I’m expecting some answers” She replied with a stern, but caring tone.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am happy that she’s here, and its actually kind of nice to see, no… feel, like somepony cares. But… I don’t want to have to lie to her, I also don’t want to have to face her with the answers I know I have. Nevertheless, this conversation is probably going to be awkward, regardless of what I choose to do.
Well, let’s get this over with, I guess…
I guide her over through the kitchen door. But, as soon as I close it behind me, a pungent odor decides to assault my nose. The source of it is easy to spot, the already disgusting oatmeal from earlier has seemed to have gotten even worse. Beside me, Aurora’s muzzle scrunches up as well.
“uh… sorry, sis. Let me just clear that off the table first.”
I walk over to the table and grasp both sides of the bowl and lift. it’s reasonably heavy, so I struggle a little to get it off the table. But then the fizzling sound of magic fills my ears, and the bowl is wrapped in a light blueish glow.
“Here Twist, let me help you with that.”
I’m perfectly fine on my own, I don’t need your help!
I quickly shove that response back down my throat.
I hate it when she does this. I know she’s just trying to help, but her constant coddling of me always makes me feel… useless. I’ve tried telling her, but she. never. gets. it. So, for now, I bite down on my tongue and reluctantly let her “help” me.
She dumps the contents into the trashcan and looks back to me.
“Where do you want me to put this?” she said
“Just put in on the counter…somewhere. It doesn’t matter”
She levitated the bowl and dropped it onto the counter. I make my way and sit down, she quickly follows, and sits down across from me on the opposing chair. She looks around, finally taking in her sparse surroundings in earnest. Then, she turns back towards me with a puzzled face.
“Twist… What is all this?”
“It’s my house…” I reply, confused
Her expression turned shocked
“Twist how-?”
“Oh, I just, you know… got a mortgage from the bank”
Her face Morphs into an expression of horrified…concern?? Oh-kay what did I do now?
“What?”
“You’re in debt?!?”
She shrieked directly into my face, and by the time my ears stopped ringing and I could focus again, she had already started off again.
“Twist, why in world are you in debt?!?
“W-well I needed someplace to live…” I say, shrinking ever so slowly into my seat.
“Why didn’t you just come back home then???”
“I-I uh…”
How the hay am I supposed respond to this? oh WhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdoOooo?!?!
“I-I Don’t…know?” I say fearfully, shrinking as far into the chair as I can
The next couple of seconds are nothing but dead. Silence. The tension between us so thick, that a knife would break if it made contact. Her Shock then ends abruptly as she facehoofs and sighs.
“Twist, I-I can’t believe you’d do something so… so stupid as this!”
…
…
…
“I’m sorry”
The Whimpered words were barely above a whisper; tears were beginning to gather in the corners of my eyes. I feel absolutely terrible. I knew she was going to be upset, but I never thought she would be this mad… The disappointed stare, the yelling, the panic, it is all too much for me to handle. Guilt begins to claw at the back of my mind, and I begin trembling uncontrollably. She must hate me now, And it’s all. my. fault.
For a second, Everything. Stopped.
It’s all my fault
It’s all m-my fault
It’s all my fault
I-it’s all my fau-
I’m knocked out my stupor when two white legs are suddenly wrapped around my barrel. I had failed to notice her getting out of her chair. I reach out and hug back as tightly as I can. And, for a while, we just stay like that, Hugging each other Tightly. I can hear her soft heartbeats as we huddle together. I slowly calm down, all my thoughts fade away, and retreated to whatever dark recess within my mind that they spawned from. Until the only things left are me, and her…
Ba-Bump…
Ba-bump…
Ba-bump…
Ba-bump…
Ba-bump…
Ba-bump…
I wish we could stay in each other’s hooves forever… or at least a little bit longer. But, I suppose nothing good can last forever… After a few Minutes of enjoying our embrace, Sis yet again is the one to break the silence.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you Twist. I didn’t mean to scare you…”
I look up at her as she lets out a large sigh.
“Look… why don’t we talk about something else for the time being? Is that okay with you?”
I nod softly in response
“okay then… um…So, how have you been?”
“oh, I’ve been…fine”
And that’s how we took off into conversation. We got to talking about our lives and what we were doing, what was going on at home, what I had been doing for the past four years, the list goes on and on. Every time she asks me something about the latter however… Nopony ever wants to admit to not exactly doing well money-wise, and so whenever she ask one of those questions, I would…omit certain details about it.
“Are you okay sleeping here? It’s a bit cold in here…”
“I’m fine! I have a fireplace that I can use and besides, the house is insulated” I said, my voice becoming a little shrill.
“where is it? I didn’t see it out front…”
“oh, well, it’s just in the basement” you know, the basement I don’t have.
This back and forth conversation lasted for at least an hour. She’d ask something, then I would answer her, then we would switch turns and I would ask a question. This cycle would repeat itself again and again until we… well, ran out of things to talk about. And so, after a brief tour of the house and after yet more assurances that, yes, I was fine, and I’d be warm enough in the house come December, and no I wasn’t… lonely... or anything… I found myself escorting her through the kitchenette and right to the front door. Once we stepped outside, Aurora walked towards me with forehooves outstretched. I returned the gesture, and we embrace.
“Thank you for staying so long Aurora, I-it was nice to see you again.” I say stumbling with my words as I break the embraced.
“It was nice seeing you too Twist, Although…” She paused and looked at me uncertainly, as if her words were getting caught in her throat. She bit her lower lip, and by the look on her face, I could only assume that she was mulling over what she was going to say. Then, she clears her throat.
“Twist…about the mortgage…” she said. then she sighs.
“We’re going to have to get Mom and Dad involv- “
“No!”
She was quite taken aback by my sudden interruption. Her expression quickly adopted the same sternness and disappointment reminiscent of a mother scolding a child. A look that I’ve grown to hate…
“Twist, look… dealing with the mortgage is going to be a problem beyond what you or I can do, we need to- “
“I don’t recall asking you for help, Aurora” I interrupt again, but this time with a bitter tone. She looks at me incredulously.
“You can’t be serious! Twist, your too young to be Dealing with this sort of thing on your own!”
“I’m Twenty-one!” I retort, my voice rising in pitch.
“That’s still too young to be on your own like this! And besides, regardless of any of this you still need to come home- “
“Aurora I am not- “I interrupt her a third time. But before I can rebuke her, she suddenly snaps, and her face lights up in anger.
“No Twist, you need to listen to me! Mom and Dad have been worried sick for you ever since you’ve disappeared on us. I don’t know what happened between you, Mom, and Dad… but they have been crying over you ever since you decide to leave us wondering…”
I feel both surprised, and a pang of guilt, as she said that. I’ve never heard of them crying before… let alone over me… I Didn’t think that I’d hurt them. At least, not that much…
“They need to know you’re alright Twist! You’ve hurt all of us…” Her expression shifts to sorrow
“Please Twist, they deserve to at least know that their Daughter isn’t dead…”
I look away as I feel the stabbing pangs of guilt in me, as if I had been stabbed in the heart with a knife and it’s being twisted over and over…
“Come back with me to the house, Twist. They miss you…”
Everything inside me tightens up, my entire body feels like its Twisting -
“I miss you…”
At that moment, everything inside me explodes, I am stunned into silence as guilt tears at my heart and rips it to pieces… My thoughts run rampant, but even in all the chaos, a single thought manages to break through the confines of my mind.
Maybe... maybe it wouldn’t be so bad…
…
It’s been a long time… maybe they have already forgiven me…
…
Maybe… it’s time to go home…
I begin to swirl the idea around in my head, and I begin to imagine just what might happen when I finally meet Mom and Dad…
I guess it wouldn’t be so bad. I could go back with her. Sis would knock on the door and Mom would answer it, she’d be so surprised to see me after so long. She’d invite us in to the living room and we’d talk for a while. Then, undoubtedly, she’d send Aurora into the kitchen to make tea for us. And then…
And…then…
Something in the back of my mind suddenly clicks, and my thoughts begin to darken…
She would look at me with that all so smug smile…
“So, you finally came crawling back home, what, was begging too much for you to handle?”
My face Twists into a scowl.
“Or have you finally given up on your Childish venture to be…what was it again? Ah, yes alchemy, I thought I told you that worthless profession won’t get you anywhere… well, except *here*…"
I can feel my body begin to shake with rage.
“You caused your father and I a lot of grief with your little stunt, so you’ll be paying us back for every bit we spent trying to find your sorry little flank, so be a good little filly and-…”
“Twist, are you okay? You’ve been silent for- “
“I am not going back to those, those Stuck-up, Pompous, PLOTHOLES!”
I Shrieked angrily, I hadn’t the concentration or patience to think through what I had just said. Aurora was shocked into silence. I glared at her with anger and contempt, I was completely caught up in my hateful thoughts. For a while, we just stared at each other, the only sound between us being my angry labored breaths… Her face turned sour.
“Fine then, keep giving everypony who cares about you the cold shoulder…” She turned around and started walking away from me, she turned her head back over her shoulder and locked eyes with me.
“When I get home, I’m going to tell them you’re alright... I’d hoped you would’ve seen reason but I guess I was wrong…” her bitter tone would’ve hurt me before, but now, it only added to the fire…
“Fine then! While you’re at it, tell them I don’t want to see them again… EVER!”
“FINE”
“FINE”
She stormed off without another word, I watched as she stomped down the street. I began calming down, but then, I finally realize what had just happened. And my face lights up in horror…
What…what have I done?
I take off running down the street, fear and desperation consuming my thoughts.
“Wait Aurora! I didn’t mean It!
The wind whips around my head as I gallop down the road. The stony pavement beneath me digs into my hooves, and my legs begin to burn in exhaustion. I reach the end of the street and I whip my head around and try to spot her.
“I’m so sorry Sis! I didn’t…”
I desperately thrash my head around in every direction, but I can’t catch sight of her. The street that I came onto is populated by a few ponies, milling about their general day, some of which are now staring at me… I lower my head and try to hide beneath the black locks of my mane.
“I didn’t mean it…” *whimper*
Tears begin to fall from my face as I trot back to my house. I feel an array of different emotions whirling inside of me, guilt, shame, fear, sadness, anger, it all blends together into a disfigured mush that clogs up everything… I reach the open door and I practically leap inside. I slam the door shut behind me and lean against it, slowly sliding down until I’m sitting directly up against its base. I cover my head with my hooves and curl up into a ball. Even though I’m alone, I feel like I have all of Equestrian looking down at me…judging me... I lay there for at least a minute, crying and shivering, but throughout it all one lone thought makes itself apparent to me…
I didn’t mean it
I didn’t…mean it
I…didn’t…mean…
I sob into my hooves, the tears soaking into my mane and coat.
*growl*
I am interrupted from my mental breakdown by the sound of my stomach begging for something to sustain itself. It begins to cramp, the aching pain made worse by my emotional turmoil. I didn’t have anything for breakfast, and I had gotten so caught up earlier that I had forgotten to have anything for lunch… I pick myself up from my spot against the door and wipe the tears from my ears.
I’ll… deal with all this later, I…I need to eat something… *sniffle*
I make my way into the kitchen and try my best to focus on getting myself fed, and I put all of my feelings aside…
At least…for now…
