Author's Note

Whoop, there it is! I was wondering when we were gonna have an antagonist for me to get pissed off at. Sheesh, ten years later... T_T

Well, here's Our character tags.

Arthur Morovum

Blue Star

Red X

James III
(Mr. Original)

"I'd tell you 'watch out for that tree,' but nevermind."

It was a typically beautiful day outside. While some may have wanted to stay inside, for whatever reason, others took the opportunity to enjoy the wonderful weather. Such as Twilight Sparkle, who was lying on a bench over a thick tome. James III, who was standing next to Twilight and listening to ragtime on his phonautograph that was next to him (which he brought from his house), with his eyes closed. Pinkie Pie, was vividly talking with them (or more accurately, to them) and acting out everything with energy that would impress a certain pink rabbit that advertised batteries. And last of all, Conscience, who was silently mimicking Pinkie's every move along side her, as she continued to talk and act. (Being the ass**le that he was, he also had a camera on a tripod recording them.)

"Hoof-biting action overload!" Pinkie's comment got James to open his eyes and raise an eyebrow. Eventually he closed his eyes again. "She was like a stunt superstar, flying higher and higher," Conscience was actually doing a great job keeping up with her as she bounced up into the air twice, "and then Rainbow Dash swooped down-- swoosh," she zoomed away while Conscience Flashed to stay with her, "and right before she hit the ground-- shoom," she almost took Conscience by surprise when she suddenly stopped in mid-air right before touching the ground, but he kicked his legs rapidly to stay afloat, "she pulled up-- vrrrmmm!"

"Uh-huh," Twilight said flatly, barely even paying attention to either of them.

"And then she looped around and around like whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo!" Pinkie exclaimed as she fell on her back (it sounded painful), while Conscience just stood there. James helped him out by shooting him in the back of his leg (without even opening his eyes) with a shotgun, causing him to fall on his back in surprise.

"Uh-huh," Twilight repeated distantly.

As Pinkie looked up, she conveniently caught a familiar cyan pegasus flying above and past them. While rubbing his head, Conscience got up and turned around to see Pinkie running off.

"Hey, where're you going?" he called out as he ran after her. Pinkie apparently didn't hear him, as she continued to run without slowing down. Luckily for him, she did say something to answer his question.

"Rainbow Dash!" she called out.

Conscience followed her gaze and saw said pegasus she was looking at. "Oh," he said to himself. He noticed her turn around and look at them, before turning around and flying even faster. His expression changed into appalled disbelief. "Did she just..."

"But Rainbow Dash--!"

Conscience didn't hear Rainbow's reply as he summoned his cape and--

"LEEROOOOOOOOOOY!!" ...Explosively shot into the air.

It was barely three seconds before he was caught up with her. As he moved up above her, he slowed himself so that he was flying at her speed. Rainbow, who was busy trying to lose Pinkie, was oblivious to her new company. Not for long.

"Hey, RD!"

"AH!" Rainbow flinched with a start as her head snapped to the source of the voice. When she saw who it was, her expression went from surprised to annoyed. "Conscience? Not you too!" she sped up.

Conscience looked after her in confusion. Did Pinkie do something that he wasn't aware of? He hoped not. He put on a quick burst of speed to catch up. "What do you mean 'not you too?' What did I do?"

He barely heard her response, as it was probably meant for her ears only. Something about not wanting to deal with something right now. He was in the middle of asking a question when suddenly--

*CRASH*

He ran face-first into a large and steep wall of a mountain. In his subconsciousness, he knew she had crashed too, because she didn't stop or slow down to the point where he crashed.

Rainbow slid down to the ground, and just lie there. Conscience was not so lucky, as his body detached from the earth like a magnetic sticker from a refrigerator, and landed stomach-first on the ground. "Sh**!" he winced as he stood up.

Pinkie grimaced. "I was gonna tell you to look out for that mountain."

Rainbow groaned in response. In pain, or annoyance, Conscience didn't know.

[A little bit earlier...]

"Hey, where're you going?" Conscience called out as he ran after Pinkie.

Twilight looked up for barely a second before returning her attention to her book. "Phew," she turned to the next page.

James opened his eyes and looked at her. "Did you just sigh in relief?"

"Uh-huh" she intoned.

James Epic Shrugged. "Meh. I can't blame you."

"Uh-huh," was the response. As James deadpanned in realization that she wasn't even listening, he heard a familiar sound behind him. Actually, he heard it three times.

♩ ♩ ♩

♩ ♩ ♩

♩ ♩ ♩

James kept his gaze on Twilight. His expression flattened again when she continued to read as if nothing was happening. Eventually, he heard one of their voices. Specifically, Arthur's voice.

"Hey, James--" James put up his hand to cut him off before pointing at Twilight.

"Shh," he said quietly as he put his finger to his lips. He turned back to the lavender unicorn.

"That's an interesting book you got there," he said with mock interest. He knew what the book was called, but not what it was about.

"Uh-huh," she answered flatly.

"So... can you tell me what it's about?"

"Uh-huh."

James pretended to wait a few seconds. "...So, what's it about?"

"Uh-huh."

James smirked as he turned around to look at the guys. Arthur was there, as well as Blue Star and Red X. They were all stifling a laugh. Then Red X put up his finger as to say 'hold up.'

"Hey, Twilight, did you know that you have a centipede crawling up your back?" he asked.

"Uh-huh," she replied, causing Red X to smile as if he heard a joke while eating a lemon.

Blue Star spoke up. "Twilight, we're gonna destroy the town."

"Uh-huh."

"Zero f*coin*s given," Arthur muttered to the now-chuckling guys before he tried. "Twilight, you can't read." His face flushed red as he realized that it sounded way better in his head.

"Uh-huh."

Red X. "Twilight, can I borrow some money?"

"Uh-huh."

When is she gonna wake up? James thought to himself. "Twilight, you're gonna die in five seconds."

"Uh-huh."

Blue Star. "Twilight, do you like pornography?"

"Uh-huh." Blue Star cracked up silently, clutching his sides in pain.

Arthur. "Twilight, your mane's turning grey."

"Uh-huh."

Red X. "I AM your father."

"Uh-huh."

Blue Star. "Twilight, do you have crabs?"

"Uh-huh."

The guys jumped with a start when James was suddenly on the ground with tears streaming down his face and laughing like he was sleepy, drunk, drugged, and strongly subjected to laughing gas all at the same time while hearing the ultimate punch line.

Luckily, this did not go unnoticed by the mare on the bench, who finally looked up. "What? What's so funny?" it was then that she noticed James's company. "Oh, hi, boys."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA!!" James screamed with mirth as he rolled on the ground, drowning out the guys' greeting. Twilight raised an eyebrow and gave a look at them as if asking for help. They knew exactly what she was talking about, but they just shrugged in confusion. "WAAHAHAHAHA!!"

"James, have you been smoking weed, or something?" Blue Star asked with concern.

"WAAAAAAAH!!" he kept screaming in laughter.

"Is... is he alright?" Twilight asked distantly.

"Um... I think so?" Arthur wasn't so sure himself. "Probably not," he muttered under his breath. But they let him laugh his ass off anyway. Twilight, because she was too shocked to do anything. The guys, because James was almost never this happy. "...I think you broke him, Blue Star..."

It was at least three minutes before James finally calmed down. "Woo. Oh, boy, that was terrible," he didn't get up. As he lie there on his back while on facing the sky, Arthur came into his vision, followed by Twilight and his two brothers.

Everyone stared at him in uncomfortable silence. After a second, Blue Star spoke up. "Anyone think I should be a comedian, say 'eye.'"

"Eye," Arthur said without missing a beat.

"Eye," James agreed, despite himself.

"I think you're crazy," Red X deadpanned at him.

James was still chuckling. "Heh, I'm sorry, heh. It's just, heh, he said 'crabs,'" he pointed at Blue Star.

"Damn, it wasn't that funny!" Blue Star shrugged while shaking his head.

James Signature Blushed. "Sorry, it just came as a surprise to me, I guess." He looked awkwardly at his audience. "Let me rest for a second. I laughed all the wind outta me, I can hardly breath." He closed his eyes while taking a few deep inhales and exhales.

"You really had me worried," Twilight sighed in relief. Then James's words sunk in. "What were you saying about crabs?"

The guys all froze, including James. "...Uh... well, you know...," Arthur trailed off uneasily.

"Blue Star just told this joke about crabs..," Red X told half the truth.

Blue Star was not intent on sparing Twilight's feelings at all. He turned to her with a flat look. "We were making fun of--"

POW!

James shot him in the head with his gun. "It was a joke about crabs, that made me laugh more than them. That's all." Arthur and Red X quickly nodded in agreement.

"Oh. Well, alright," Twilight frowned. There was a short pause.

"How come you never laugh at my jokes like that?" Red X asked suddenly, feeling offended.