Mr. Original in: Griffon the Brush Off

by Mister Original

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, Spike, Gilda, Random, Crossover, Main 6
Length: 17229

An old friend of Rainbow Dash comes to visit. Pinkie and James have doubts about her, even if no one else does.

Gilda, a griffon, comes to Ponyville to meet with her old friend, Rainbow Dash. To Rainbow, she doesn't seem to have changed. But behind her back, Gilda's a little more trouble than what meets the eye, and Pinkie Pie and James find out first-hand (and first-hoof).

So with that, Pinkie tries to get her to be nicer to others.

James tries not to take Gilda's head off.

(Please read the other stories first in their respective order, so that you'll understand the following stories better.)

Published 2016-12-13 18:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-13 18:00:02 UTC

"I'd tell you 'watch out for that tree,' but nevermind."

Author's Note

Whoop, there it is! I was wondering when we were gonna have an antagonist for me to get pissed off at. Sheesh, ten years later... T_T

Well, here's Our character tags.

Arthur Morovum

Blue Star

Red X

James III
(Mr. Original)

"I'd tell you 'watch out for that tree,' but nevermind."

It was a typically beautiful day outside. While some may have wanted to stay inside, for whatever reason, others took the opportunity to enjoy the wonderful weather. Such as Twilight Sparkle, who was lying on a bench over a thick tome. James III, who was standing next to Twilight and listening to ragtime on his phonautograph that was next to him (which he brought from his house), with his eyes closed. Pinkie Pie, was vividly talking with them (or more accurately, to them) and acting out everything with energy that would impress a certain pink rabbit that advertised batteries. And last of all, Conscience, who was silently mimicking Pinkie's every move along side her, as she continued to talk and act. (Being the ass**le that he was, he also had a camera on a tripod recording them.)

"Hoof-biting action overload!" Pinkie's comment got James to open his eyes and raise an eyebrow. Eventually he closed his eyes again. "She was like a stunt superstar, flying higher and higher," Conscience was actually doing a great job keeping up with her as she bounced up into the air twice, "and then Rainbow Dash swooped down-- swoosh," she zoomed away while Conscience Flashed to stay with her, "and right before she hit the ground-- shoom," she almost took Conscience by surprise when she suddenly stopped in mid-air right before touching the ground, but he kicked his legs rapidly to stay afloat, "she pulled up-- vrrrmmm!"

"Uh-huh," Twilight said flatly, barely even paying attention to either of them.

"And then she looped around and around like whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo!" Pinkie exclaimed as she fell on her back (it sounded painful), while Conscience just stood there. James helped him out by shooting him in the back of his leg (without even opening his eyes) with a shotgun, causing him to fall on his back in surprise.

"Uh-huh," Twilight repeated distantly.

As Pinkie looked up, she conveniently caught a familiar cyan pegasus flying above and past them. While rubbing his head, Conscience got up and turned around to see Pinkie running off.

"Hey, where're you going?" he called out as he ran after her. Pinkie apparently didn't hear him, as she continued to run without slowing down. Luckily for him, she did say something to answer his question.

"Rainbow Dash!" she called out.

Conscience followed her gaze and saw said pegasus she was looking at. "Oh," he said to himself. He noticed her turn around and look at them, before turning around and flying even faster. His expression changed into appalled disbelief. "Did she just..."

"But Rainbow Dash--!"

Conscience didn't hear Rainbow's reply as he summoned his cape and--

"LEEROOOOOOOOOOY!!" ...Explosively shot into the air.

It was barely three seconds before he was caught up with her. As he moved up above her, he slowed himself so that he was flying at her speed. Rainbow, who was busy trying to lose Pinkie, was oblivious to her new company. Not for long.

"Hey, RD!"

"AH!" Rainbow flinched with a start as her head snapped to the source of the voice. When she saw who it was, her expression went from surprised to annoyed. "Conscience? Not you too!" she sped up.

Conscience looked after her in confusion. Did Pinkie do something that he wasn't aware of? He hoped not. He put on a quick burst of speed to catch up. "What do you mean 'not you too?' What did I do?"

He barely heard her response, as it was probably meant for her ears only. Something about not wanting to deal with something right now. He was in the middle of asking a question when suddenly--

*CRASH*

He ran face-first into a large and steep wall of a mountain. In his subconsciousness, he knew she had crashed too, because she didn't stop or slow down to the point where he crashed.

Rainbow slid down to the ground, and just lie there. Conscience was not so lucky, as his body detached from the earth like a magnetic sticker from a refrigerator, and landed stomach-first on the ground. "Sh**!" he winced as he stood up.

Pinkie grimaced. "I was gonna tell you to look out for that mountain."

Rainbow groaned in response. In pain, or annoyance, Conscience didn't know.

[A little bit earlier...]

"Hey, where're you going?" Conscience called out as he ran after Pinkie.

Twilight looked up for barely a second before returning her attention to her book. "Phew," she turned to the next page.

James opened his eyes and looked at her. "Did you just sigh in relief?"

"Uh-huh" she intoned.

James Epic Shrugged. "Meh. I can't blame you."

"Uh-huh," was the response. As James deadpanned in realization that she wasn't even listening, he heard a familiar sound behind him. Actually, he heard it three times.

♩ ♩ ♩

♩ ♩ ♩

♩ ♩ ♩

James kept his gaze on Twilight. His expression flattened again when she continued to read as if nothing was happening. Eventually, he heard one of their voices. Specifically, Arthur's voice.

"Hey, James--" James put up his hand to cut him off before pointing at Twilight.

"Shh," he said quietly as he put his finger to his lips. He turned back to the lavender unicorn.

"That's an interesting book you got there," he said with mock interest. He knew what the book was called, but not what it was about.

"Uh-huh," she answered flatly.

"So... can you tell me what it's about?"

"Uh-huh."

James pretended to wait a few seconds. "...So, what's it about?"

"Uh-huh."

James smirked as he turned around to look at the guys. Arthur was there, as well as Blue Star and Red X. They were all stifling a laugh. Then Red X put up his finger as to say 'hold up.'

"Hey, Twilight, did you know that you have a centipede crawling up your back?" he asked.

"Uh-huh," she replied, causing Red X to smile as if he heard a joke while eating a lemon.

Blue Star spoke up. "Twilight, we're gonna destroy the town."

"Uh-huh."

"Zero f*coin*s given," Arthur muttered to the now-chuckling guys before he tried. "Twilight, you can't read." His face flushed red as he realized that it sounded way better in his head.

"Uh-huh."

Red X. "Twilight, can I borrow some money?"

"Uh-huh."

When is she gonna wake up? James thought to himself. "Twilight, you're gonna die in five seconds."

"Uh-huh."

Blue Star. "Twilight, do you like pornography?"

"Uh-huh." Blue Star cracked up silently, clutching his sides in pain.

Arthur. "Twilight, your mane's turning grey."

"Uh-huh."

Red X. "I AM your father."

"Uh-huh."

Blue Star. "Twilight, do you have crabs?"

"Uh-huh."

The guys jumped with a start when James was suddenly on the ground with tears streaming down his face and laughing like he was sleepy, drunk, drugged, and strongly subjected to laughing gas all at the same time while hearing the ultimate punch line.

Luckily, this did not go unnoticed by the mare on the bench, who finally looked up. "What? What's so funny?" it was then that she noticed James's company. "Oh, hi, boys."

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHA!!" James screamed with mirth as he rolled on the ground, drowning out the guys' greeting. Twilight raised an eyebrow and gave a look at them as if asking for help. They knew exactly what she was talking about, but they just shrugged in confusion. "WAAHAHAHAHA!!"

"James, have you been smoking weed, or something?" Blue Star asked with concern.

"WAAAAAAAH!!" he kept screaming in laughter.

"Is... is he alright?" Twilight asked distantly.

"Um... I think so?" Arthur wasn't so sure himself. "Probably not," he muttered under his breath. But they let him laugh his ass off anyway. Twilight, because she was too shocked to do anything. The guys, because James was almost never this happy. "...I think you broke him, Blue Star..."

It was at least three minutes before James finally calmed down. "Woo. Oh, boy, that was terrible," he didn't get up. As he lie there on his back while on facing the sky, Arthur came into his vision, followed by Twilight and his two brothers.

Everyone stared at him in uncomfortable silence. After a second, Blue Star spoke up. "Anyone think I should be a comedian, say 'eye.'"

"Eye," Arthur said without missing a beat.

"Eye," James agreed, despite himself.

"I think you're crazy," Red X deadpanned at him.

James was still chuckling. "Heh, I'm sorry, heh. It's just, heh, he said 'crabs,'" he pointed at Blue Star.

"Damn, it wasn't that funny!" Blue Star shrugged while shaking his head.

James Signature Blushed. "Sorry, it just came as a surprise to me, I guess." He looked awkwardly at his audience. "Let me rest for a second. I laughed all the wind outta me, I can hardly breath." He closed his eyes while taking a few deep inhales and exhales.

"You really had me worried," Twilight sighed in relief. Then James's words sunk in. "What were you saying about crabs?"

The guys all froze, including James. "...Uh... well, you know...," Arthur trailed off uneasily.

"Blue Star just told this joke about crabs..," Red X told half the truth.

Blue Star was not intent on sparing Twilight's feelings at all. He turned to her with a flat look. "We were making fun of--"

POW!

James shot him in the head with his gun. "It was a joke about crabs, that made me laugh more than them. That's all." Arthur and Red X quickly nodded in agreement.

"Oh. Well, alright," Twilight frowned. There was a short pause.

"How come you never laugh at my jokes like that?" Red X asked suddenly, feeling offended.

'I knew that.' "Oh is THAT what it was?"

[Theme Song]

Twilight was out and about, looking through the store's glass at the books on display. Behind her, James, Arthur, Red X, and Blue Star were making small talk.

"So how's Timothy and Johnathan doing?" James asked Red X.

"My nyan cats? Oh, they're doing alright. Although John did almost get me in trouble the other day. Some jerk was trying to start something with me when I didn't say 'hi' when passing by." Red X furrowed his eyebrows at the memory. "I mean, really? Not everyone greets one another if passing by on the streets. I was simply taking my cats for a walk. The guy started an argument with me, and Tim was huddled at my legs, trying to protect me. Psh. Like that airhead was gonna do something. John, on the other hand, was a little more touchy, as you'd know, and... well... the big-mouth has a restraining order now. But only after I threatened to make John kill him if he told anyone anything."

"Damn!" Blue Star exclaimed. "How bad was it?"

"PG-13. He's in the hospital now."

"Wow, what do you even do with them at home?" Arthur asked.

"The same things a good owner would do with regular cats... or dogs."

"No, I don't think this is your fault, Red X," James pondered. (The camera slowly and gradually zoomed in on his face as he spoke.) "I think the reason for this behavior runs deeper. Perhaps his past before you took them in might've been rather dark. Maybe he's like that because he had to constantly defend Timothy from perilous dangers when they were little."

"Yeah," Red X nodded. "That would make sense." It seemed they didn't have much else to talk about since they talked during the whole trip through the town. That was after they went back to the library so Twilight could put up her book and James could put away his phonautograph. So they didn't have to worry about catching up on anything when Conscience and Pinkie suddenly ran up on them.

"Hey, guys, what's going on?" Conscience greeted.

"Hey, Conscience," Arthur, Blue Star, and Red X intoned in unison.

"Guys, have you seen Rainbow Dash anywhere?" Pinkie asked.

"Um, no I haven't, not since earlier. Why?" James asked. Pinkie looked around before leaning closer to him.

"I wanted to see if she could help me with a prank," she whispered as if someone was eavesdropping.

"Ooh! Can we help?" Blue Star asked eagerly.

"Of course! But I need Rainbow Dash's help since she's a pegasus." Everyone looked around.

"Hey, I see her," Arthur pointed at the blue pegasus, whose front end was buried inside a cloud above them.

"Rainbow Daaash!" Pinkie called out, causing her to pull her head out in panic before flying away.

"Damn, look at her go!" Blue Star looked in awe.

"I know!" the pink pony agreed before bouncing in the direction Rainbow flew. Everyone except James and Twilight went after her.

"What was Rainbow doing in that cloud like that, anyway...?" James muttered.

Rainbow flew through multiple clouds, leaving holes in them, before stopping on the side of Applejack's house. She snuck a peek around the corner. Not a pony in sight. "Phew. That was close," she turned around... only to come face to face with the dreaded pink pony... as well as four others with her.

"Hi!" Pinkie chirped.

"AH!" she yelped before taking off in the direction she came from.

"Did you see how high she jumped?" Red X asked as they followed the again-bouncing Pinkie. "She didn't even use her wings for that leap!"

"Jeejee Christopher, is she always this jumpy?" Blue Star asked.

"No," Conscience answered. "She's usually the exact opposite."

"...How the f*coin* did we get here?" Arthur deadpanned while looking around.

Rainbow swooped past the trees of Sweet Apple Acres, and into town again, looking for a place to hide. She noticed a rather thick cloud floating a short distance ahead of her. She shook her head. That didn't work last time. As she flew over the town, a strange form of residence came into view: the library. That's it! Flying right inside the lush green that held its place in the branches of the tree, she peeked out and saw the ponies going about their business. But she didn't see them.

She sat back to catch her breath... then heard Red X's voice. "You can't run from us."

"Yaah!" Rainbow shrieked while flying away.

"...This isn't working, she won't even listen," Blue Star complained, impatient.

Conscience summoned a pipe. "I have an idea."

As Pinkie and the guys emerged from their white tube of transportation, they barely made out a light blue speck growing slowly in size.

"Jump really high when she's right above of us," Conscience told Arthur, who nodded. He quickly pulled out a clock from Super Mario Bros. 2 and turned it to the '2' mark. He then pulled out a star and shoved it against the clock. The Invincible Star would last ten seconds.

As he crammed the star into the end of his shotgun, Red X nudged him. "Hurry, she's close." Good timing.

"Arthur, now!" he aimed the gun up and shot right before Arthur left the ground shaking violently. It threw everyone off balance... except Pinkie somehow.

The Star bullet caught Rainbow square in her chest, causing her to change multiple colors.

She stopped in mid-flight. That was a mistake on her part. "What the--"

WHACK!

Something came crashing down on her, sending her plummeting to the ground with a small explosion of dust. No! She had to get away! But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't budge. She was pinned pretty good.

"Rainbow, calm down for a second!" the voice from on top of her said. She craned her neck around.

"Arthur, what are you doing? Let me go!" she struggled.

"You could at least hear her out first," he gestured to Pinkie walking up to her, with the others following.

"I knew you were trying to help me catch her, but you didn't tell me you were gonna hurt her," she frowned.

"Oh, no, we made sure we didn't. That's what the Star was for," Conscience assured. "Rainbow, are you hurt?"

"No," she groaned, apparently too down for that fact to sink in.

"See, she's fine. Arthur, you can get off of her."

"Oh. Well, okay," Pinkie smiled again. "Rainbow Dash, I need a favor."

"Fine," Rainbow grumbled as her Star ended.

"It'll be fun, I promise!"

Rainbow sighed. "Okay."

The guys all watched as Rainbow moved a cloud around at the command of Pinkie. "Who is she doing this to again?" Arthur asked.

"If it's the mayor, then she must've lost her goodness damn mind," Conscience mused.

"Better yet, what is she gonna do?" Red X rubbed his chin.

"Isn't it obvious, guys?" Blue Star said. "Pinkie's gonna have her make it rain!" This sent them into a giggling fit.

"Over to the right. No no, a little to the left. Oh wait, back to the right. Now a little left-ish while staying rightly. Stop," Pinkie ordered Rainbow around. It was obvious to the guys that she'd rather be somewhere else. "Hmm... maybe a few inches to the south. Now a couple centimeters north. Okay. One more smidgimeter to the--"

"Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow shouted. Pinkie had the decency to shrink back for a second.

"Uh, I mean, perfect. Now, wait for my signal."

"What the f*sword brandish* is a 'smidgimeter?'" Blue Star muttered to the guys as Pinkie looked through the window.

Conscience shrugged. "Meh. But I think we're gonna find out who our victim is."

Sure enough, a purple baby dragon came out holding a pyramid-stack of scrolls while humming. Pinkie waved her hoof in the air, before giving a sharp point to Rainbow, who obliged by kicking the cloud. The guys jumped visibly when lightning suddenly flashed.

"Didn't see that one coming," Red X murmured. Everyone stood stock still for a few seconds. Then--

*hic* *hic*

Rainbow actually smiled for once in a while that day. Pinkie's cheeks bulged as she tried to hold in a laugh. Did she succeed? I think NOT!

"Oh, Rainbow Dash, we startled Spike into getting the hiccups!" she and Rainbow laughed.

Spike looked around and smiled in realization. "Heheh, good one, Pinkie *hic* Pie. *hic* You're are always pulling a fast one *hic* on me." He picked up the scroll nearest to him, and hiccuped... causing it to catch fire and whisk away in a trail of smoke. His eyes widened.

"What!? How the ____ does that even work?" Red X asked. "He doesn't breathe fire when hiccuping, does he?"

"Apparently, he does," Conscience raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, no. You're not hurt, are you?" Pinkie frowned in concern.

"Na-- *hic* -ah, don't be *hic* silly. Dragons are *hic* fire proof," Spike waved dismissively.

The earth pony relaxed. "Oh, okay. Good." She exchanged a glance with Rainbow, before they both broke out into a laughing fit. Spike stacked up most of the scrolls, only to hiccup all to Princess Celestia at once.

"I wish the same thing *hic* were true with scrolls."

"But then you couldn't send letters!" Arthur replied.

"Well *hic* yeah, I guess you *hic* have a point," Spike mused as he continued picking up scrolls and hiccuping on them, until Blue Star walked up to him.

"Here," he held out a spoonful of sugar.

"...Where the f[***][*coin*][____] did you get that!?" Arthur, Conscience, and Red X exclaimed in unison (although Red X didn't even pronounce the 'f' sound).

"What's this for?" Spike looked at it.

"It should help you," Blue Star answered. Spike took the spoon and hesitated, before he swallowed its contents. Then he waited.

"Better?"

The dragon blankly stood there, but he perked up in realization. "Hey, they're gone!"

"Where? Why? How?" Red X spluttered.

"Have you ever seen anything more hilarious?" Pinkie fell on her back.

A mischievous smile appeared on Rainbow's face. "I can think of one thing," she kicked the cloud again, giving a similar outcome.

"Ah!" Pinkie froze... then starting hiccuping, laughing in between. Rainbow smiled in amusement.

"I didn't take you for a prankster, Pinkie Pie," she floated next to her.

"Are you *hic* kidding? *hic* I love to pull pranks. It's all *hic* in good fun, and Pinkie Pie lo--*hic*--oves to have *hic* fun! *hic*"

"You know, Pinkie Pie, you're not as annoying as I thought." At this, Arthur deadpanned at Rainbow, while Conscience held up the sign reading: Zero f*cks given. "You wanna hang out?"

Pinkie was literally hiccuping all over the place. "*hic* That'd be *hic* I'd really *hic* When do *hic* I mean *hic* When would you *hic*--"

She ran right into Rainbow's upheld hoof. "A simple nod would do."

"Mhmm," Pinkie nodded.

"I just realized something," Red X whispered to Arthur. "Why were we here if we didn't even get to help set up?"

Arthur shrugged dismissively when they heard more hiccuping. And it wasn't coming from Pinkie. They turned their heads to see...

"What the hell!" Arthur said to the new source of hiccups.

"What?" Blue Star asked defensively before hiccuping again. "I wasn't *hic* ready for that second *hic* one."

Pinkie, Rainbow and the guys had a great time, and a good laugh as they played practical jokes on their friends. They gave Rarity flowers with sneezing powder, switched Twilight's regular ink with disappearing ink, and painted the apples on the trees at the farm (it was a lot quicker when you had extra pairs of hands).

A yellow pegasus with a pink mane was throwing food out to the small creatures that inhabited the small body of water. There were several fish, and two turtles. Or at least, that's what she thought. In reality, the second turtle was a rubber water squirter. She was completely unaware of the company waiting behind a nearby bush on the opposite side.

"Is someone over there? Who're we gonna squirt? Who're we gonna squirt?" Pinkie asked excitedly.

Rainbow chuckled as she looked through a telescope. "Fluttershy."

"What!?" Pinkie spat out the pump. "Nononononono, we can't prank Fluttershy, I mean, she's so sensitive. It'll hurt her feelings, even our most harmless prank."

"Well, sucks for her," Blue Star shrugged before getting punched in the shoulder by Arthur and Violently smacked upside he head by Conscience simultaneously.

"Yeah, you're right," Rainbow blew a raspberry. "Huh. We need another victim who's made of tougher stuff. So, who's it gonna be?" Rainbow looked around, while Pinkie stifled a giggle.

"Oh. I've got someone in mind," she giggled again before continuing. "The toughest around."

"Oh, awesome. Who, who? Do I know them?" Rainbow smirked as she looked around.

"Oh, yes," Pinkie chuckled while pointing at the pond. "You're very close." Rainbow looked at her reflection and saw just what Pinkie was getting at: her left eye had a dark splotch around it.

She chuckled. "Good one, Pinkie Pie." She held out her hoof. Pinkie attempted to smack the hoof held out, but Rainbow pulled it away at the last second, causing both of them to chuckle some more.

Conscience took this moment to make a proposal. "Hey, guys! I know someone who really needs a good prank."

"Really? Who?" Pinkie asked.

There was hardly anything in the meadow besides grass. There were a few trees and even fewer bushes. Fortunately there were two trees right next to each other with a large bush in between. This is where the group of five hid.

"How did you know he was here?" Rainbow asked Conscience.

"Whenever we're separated at a long distance, about a hundred or so meters, I feel a slight magnet-like tug coming from his direction. Why he's here... well, he does that."

Conscience looked over the top at their unsuspecting victim. James stood stock still looking over a hill that had a breath-taking view, his hands behind his back as usual. He didn't move or speak. And if Conscience didn't know better, he'd say James wasn't even breathing.

Conscience lowered behind the bush to look at the others. "Okay, Red X, you have that rubber spider?"

"Yeah," Red X held up a dark grey-ish looking spider about the size of his palm. It smelled of peppermint. "He's not gonna get hurt, right?" he frowned.

"Nah," Conscience waved dismissively. "James'll Pop Faint the second he turns around. Okay, Blue Star, is it ready?"

"All set," Blue Star positioned Conscience's camera so that the lens was sticking out of the other side of the bush. He then pulled out a grilled cheese sandwich to work on.

"Everyone have their sunglasses?" he asked. Everyone pulled out their own pair, and put them on. Surprisingly, Rainbow had her own pair, too. "Snacks?" Rainbow and Pinkie had a bag of popcorn to share, Arthur had some Pringles, and Red X had Sour Patch Kids. Blue Star already was halfway through his sandwich.

"Alright, Red X, let me see that spider." As Red X handed it to him, he pulled out a small megaphone, and shoved a red-crossed circle against it. He then shoved that against a Mushroom. This would cause anything that it was given to, to become silent and unable to produce sound. But it wouldn't cause them to grow like initially intended. He then shoved that against another mushroom to fix that. Perfect. Now when he used it, it wouldn't go '♩ ♩ ♩.'

"Watch and learn." He Cheerfully walked lightly behind James until he was a good five to eight meters away. He slowly and quietly placed the rubber spider in front of him before stepping back a few yards. Then he took the Super Silencing Mushroom and threw it at the spider, causing it to grow... without making a sound.

James was completely unaware of anything as Conscience Cheerfully crept back to their hiding spot. They began to wait. ...And wait. ...And wait.

After about fifteen seconds, Rainbow groaned. "Ugh, when is he gonna turn around?" she asked impatiently.

"Hold on, I got this," Red X got up and came out from the bush. He crouched down, his legs behind him. He readied himself before--
"Repuuken!" he Break-dance Kicked, sending an orange-ish yellow wave along the ground, and towards his target. It got a direct hit, almost tripping James off balance.

"Oh! He's turning around!" Pinkie hissed with excitement before eating another hoofful of popcorn.

"What the f***?" James muttered as he regained his balance. He was sure he was alone. However, in his peripheral vision he noticed a shadow. Coming somewhere from behind him. Weird. He turned his head. As he realized what it was, his body already seemed to move on its own afterwards.

"He's gonna freak out so bad," Rainbow chuckled when she saw the wide-eyed expression on his face.

"Wait... is that a flashbang?" Red X asked with wide eyes as James pulled out something and tossed it right at the face of the fake spider. Good thing they had sunglasses, because his suspicions were confirmed.

"Wait what no don't--!" Red X tensed when James pulled out two identical swords.

Blue Star almost choked on his sandwich. Those were the katanas he got him for his birthday earlier that year. Blue Star had accused him of throwing them away because he never saw him use them. He'd have to apologize to him for that later. "Wow, he really did keep th--"

KLPOW!

The next moment, James was behind the spider. The only one who didn't widen their eyes was him, when the bottom half of the spider's legs separated from the rest of its body and collapsed, causing it to be a good twelve inches or so shorter. Pinkie and Rainbow were already frozen in shock.

"B-b-bu-b-but but--" Red X stuttered.

"I like buts," Blue Star smirked as he took another bite from his grilled cheese.

James jumped over the spider, while in the process, stabbing it with both swords simultaneously in the thorax, midsection, then the neck of the spider; in that respective order. Though he let the katanas hold their place in the neck as he landed. He then turned, and twisted the twin swords before pulling back, taking off the poor inanimate object's head. Inside the body was hallow and empty, but James was too far gone for that to sink in.

"Not the head," Red X whimpered.

Imagine the rate at which the number one track-and-fielder in the world took each step when running as fast as he could. Multiply that rate times three, and you have how quickly James was Violently shoving frag grenades inside the hole where the spider's head used to be. Taking the time (which was barely a second) to actually pull the pin off the last grenade, James threw it inside with the others, Explosively shot into the air with his cape, and began shooting at his target with two large twin machine guns. Even Blue Star was getting thrown for a loop, his slowed chewing eventually stopping.

"HO-LY SH**!" Conscience gave his partners-in-crime each a Star on reflex (and his camera,... and their hiding spots for good measure). The only one who even noticed was Arthur. Everyone else was petrified.

*BOOM!*

The lethal explosion temporarily blinded them all. When their vision was restored, they saw James standing idly as he stood where he was before anything crazy had occurred, as if nothing ever happened. The only evidence that any sh*t went down was the giant scorch mark that was behind him... that, and the lingering smell of burnt peppermint. Everyone's snacks were obliterated in the explosion. (Although, Blue Star was on his last bite before he froze. So he practically finished.)

Conscience was still staring with a level of surprise. "I think we should leave," he suggested. Everyone slowly complied without even noticing for at least a whole minute, and headed back towards the town (after Conscience got his camera and turned it off). Except Arthur and Red X. Arthur realized everyone was leaving and went after them.

Red X's legs carried him, not away from the sight, but towards it. He slowly walked up to what was left of the spider (if you could even say that) and fell to his knees. Tears were already streaming down his face.

His voice was barely above a whisper. "...You killed him..."

James's sense of hearing wasn't exactly sharp, but it was still way better than the average person. So had it been anyone else, chances are they wouldn't have heard the voice. But he did.

He turned his head, then his whole body as he saw the source of the voice. "Red X? What're you doing here?"

"YOU KILLED HIM!" Red X glared furiously at him.

"The... the spider?" James was rather taken aback by the way his brother's tone shifted.

"Yes, the spider!"

"Well, excuse me for being arachnophobic!" James exclaimed defensively. "Like I was supposed to know that it wasn't after me, or something."

"It was a joke!" Red X shouted. "It was supposed to be a prank. To scare you. It wasn't real. It was made of rubber."

James's face fell as he processed his brother's words. "...Oh..." Hesitantly, he walked up and pulled him in with one arm (and the other still behind his back) for a hug. "I apologize. I just acted on reflex." Yes, he apologized. But he wasn't sorry. Sometimes pranks went wrong and prices had to be paid in consequence. Which was why he wasn't a fan of them himself, despite Conscience.

Red X returned the embrace and cried silently, mourning for his favorite and memorable arachnid. For several minutes, they didn't move. But for them, it felt like at least an hour.

[Meanwhile...]

The sun was already beginning to set when they pranked James. At this point, the sun was now a little past the horizon as Arthur, Rainbow, Pinkie, Blue Star, and Conscience walked down the familiar road of the town.

"Did you see how he destroyed that thing? Totally awesome!" exclaimed Rainbow, who was the second behind Arthur to recover from their shock.

"I know! I feel like my life flashed before my eyes, sort of like when you scared me with that thundercloud, but it lasted a lot longer because it was like the lightning from the cloud but stretched into nearly a minute!" Pinkie said all in one breath.

Arthur nodded in agreement. "He always did have anxiety problems. Sort of like a disorder, but I forgot what it's called. Blue Star, do you remember what it's called?" He got no reply. "Blue Star?" Upon turning to look at him, Arthur raised an eyebrow.

Blue Star looked nearly as pale as a faded piece of fabric. His eyes weren't exactly wide, but they were opened a little more than usual. The look in his eyes made him look like he'd seen a ghost.

Conscience looked at him with a frown. "Um, Blue Star?" You don't look so go--" she stopped in mid sentence when he put his hands over his mouth, his eyes even wider. Before anyone could say anything, he ran and bent over a nearby trash can and--

"BLEAAAAAAH!"

"What the f***, Blue Star!" Conscience shuddered in disgust. "Couldn't you 16 in a toilet, or something?"

"Sixteen?" Pinkie questioned.

"You know... puke?" Arthur whispered.

"Why sixteen?"

"Puke starts with a p. And 'p,' is the sixteenth letter of the alphabet," he explained.

"Oooh, I get it," the pink mare nodded with understanding.

Blue Star trudged back to the group, shivered in some unknown cold. He gagged at the terrible taste that invaded his taste buds.

"Are you okay?" Rainbow raised an eyebrow in concern.

"No," Blue Star began to get woozy from being lightheaded, and fell to his knees to keep the world from spinning.

Arthur put his hand to his forehead, then his neck. "His temperature's a little high," he noted. "We should get him to bed."

"Of course," Pinkie agreed as they followed the guys to the door of some pony's cottage. "I don't like it when my friends get sick. You can't party when you're sick!"

Arthur pulled out the Key and turned it into the lock. It was a copy that they got from Conscience in case any of them wanted to visit. "He should be better by tomorrow. Nothing some water and a little rest can't fix," he assured as Blue Star went through the door, leaning against him for support.

"Bye. See you soon," Pinkie waved, but they didn't hear her as they'd already closed the door. "Poor Bluey," she frowned. "I hope he's not too ill."

"He'll be fine," Conscience assured. Then he froze as he realized something.

"Hey, were's Red X?" Everyone looked around. Oddly enough...

"There he is," pointed Rainbow. "And James."

James walked up to them with a sleeping Red X on his back. "Hey, guys."

"Where was he?" Conscience asked, gesturing to his slumbering brother.

"With me," James gave a short reply.

"Um... what was he doing with you?"

"Bonding. Brotherly bonding." James said nothing else. He looked around. "Where're the others?"

"Blue Star got a fever, so they left," Rainbow answered.

"Huh," James mused. "Well, he shouldn't be under the weather for long."

"Yeah, that's what Arthur said," Pinkie said. She looked at the sun, which was currently about halfway past the horizon at that point. "I should probably get back to Sugarcube Corner and see if the Cakes need any help."

"That's cool. I'm about ready to hit the hay, anyway," Rainbow yawned.

"Alright, then, I guess we'll see you girls tomorrow," Conscience waved.

As the pink earth pony and cyan pegasus went their separate ways, James turned to the direction of the library. "You're an ass****," he uttered as he walked away.

"Huh?" Conscience raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean I'm an ass****?" he called as he ran after James.

Twilight was enjoying the silence in her library, lost in the book she was reading. The same book from earlier that afternoon. Had she not ran any errands after leaving the bench in the park, she'd have definitely finished by now. Spike was in the kitchen making sandwiches before he would settle down for the day. He was also making one for when James got back. He didn't have to wait much longer.

Twilight, fortunately for her part, was not as engrossed in her book as she was earlier that day. Thus, she actually looked up to see who had entered the door.

"Hi, James, how was your day?" she greeted.

James shrugged his shoulders. "It wasn't boring."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "So... it was good, then?"

"It was okay," he replied. "We sort of have a guest who needs somewhere to sleep. I didn't wanna wake him up, hope you don't mind."

Twilight hadn't noticed until then that James was carrying Red X on his back. "Of course not," she smiled.

"Good."

Spike came out from the kitchen. "Twilight, James, the sandwiches are done." It was then that he took notice of the extra company. "Oh, you brought Red X. Do you want me to make one for him too?"

James noticed Spike had a hint of annoyance in his tone. "No, thanks," he shook his head. "He should be knocked out until tomorrow. You don't have to right now if you don't want to."

"Okay, good," he sighed.

James turned back to the mare. "So, how about the couch, then?"

"He can sleep on the spare bed," she suggested. "Since you don't seem to want to use it." That last sentence had a hint of sarcasm.

The best way to counter sarcasm is to sarcastically take said words literally. James nodded. "Sounds great." He walked upstairs, totally aware of the eye roll Twilight did.

It is not easy to lay someone on a bed from your back. Not without waking them up. James pondered how he would pull off this near-impossible task.

Okay. So I can't just silence either of us, it would be unnecessary. Plus, he would still feel it.
...Wait a minute... that's it!

With a little difficulty, he pulled out a megaphone and a red-crossed circle. (Good thing Red X was somehow subconsciously hanging onto his neck, so both of his hands were free.) He shoved those together before walking over to Twilight's nightstand to put it down for a second. He took out a clock from Super Mario Bros. 2 and turned it to the two. He then pulled out a star and put it together with the clock. That would give him ten seconds to place Red X on the bed. Comfortably.

James picked up the Silent Megaphone and shoved it against the ten-second Star. Now he had a star that lasted ten seconds and wouldn't play any music upon being activated.

Now he had to act quickly as he gave the Silent Star to Red X. James briskly walked over to the bed across from Twilight's and placed him on his stomach so he was facing the head of the bed. He moved one of his arms and legs that were hanging over the end, back to his side.

There, that should do it, he thought with a nod as Red X's star ended.

James was going to turn to walk away when his brother began to stir, causing him to freeze.

"....Mm... Pepperspy..." James raised an eyebrow. All of the guys almost never talked in their sleep. They did, but only here and there. "...Don'... don' hurt Pepperspy...," he slurred. "Please... don' hurt 'im."

"'Pepperspy'?" James questioned to himself as Red X's face looked troubled in his sleep.

"He's just a little spider."

Then it dawned on him. Red X was talking about the spider from earlier. The spider that was a gift from his grandmother that he loved so much. The grandmother that passed away ten years ago. Pepperspy was the last thing he had to remember his grandmother by.

And James had just destroyed him. How could he have forgotten?

...Because he was bigger than he initially was? ...Yeah, that's it.

He frowned at the expression Red X was making in his sleep. Pulling out another clock and turning the minute hand a full circle clockwise, he summoned a fireball into his hand, and put the two together. When applied, it would cause the target to increase or decrease in temperature and stay at that temperature. James turned it up, therefore, it increased. He then pulled out another clock and turned the hour hand to the six. That way, the effects would wear off in six hours after being applied.

With that he pushed the Clock Heater against the side of the bed causing it to dissolve inside of it. He heard Red X stir again and looked up from where his work was just done. He let out a quiet and contented sigh when he saw the tension in his brother's face completely fade away, and replaced by a smile. It was a ghost of a smile, but it was still a smile. It made James smile a little himself.

But it disappeared as he looked away. With another sigh, this one much more heavy, he walked back downstairs.

Twilight took a break on her couch as she got near the end of her sandwich. Spike, who was sitting next to her, patted his stomach contentedly. His sandwich may not have been filling, but at least he wasn't hungry anymore.

He looked towards the stairs as James descended them... and went straight for the door.

"James, where're you going?" Twilight noticed him as she finished up her sandwich.

"Out," he said simply as he opened the door. "I might be awhile, so don't get too worried if I'm gone long."

"Um... what are you gonna do?"

He turned around and looked her in the eye. "Fix something I broke." He closed the door.

James ran. He ran and ran and ran. He could've Flashed, but he chose to run. It felt right to him, somewhat. He didn't stop running until he made it back to the area where he killed his brother's precious spider. Only then did he Flash up to the scorch mark (which he surprisingly could still see rather well despite the dark of the night). But it wasn't enough. For what he was going to do, he needed to see the 'crime scene' perfectly.

He pulled out an oil lantern and lit it with a fireball. He repeated this process again, and again, placing each lantern at the edge of the dark spot he created that day. Lighting one last lantern, he went around to the last spot that didn't have one. He pulled out a tuning fork. As he made to walk over the lanterns and to the middle of the scorch mark, he accidentally knocked one over... setting the debris on fire.

"Sh**!" he cursed as he quickly pulled out a box of table salt (Hey, you never know when you'll need it!). He opened it and tipped it over while running in a circle. That way, it wouldn't spread along the rest of the grass. He immediately Flashed to the middle of the mark (he was surprised it hadn't spread there yet), he struck the cremation of Pepperspy with the tuning fork, causing a light chime from it. He couldn't waste any time.

With a Violent flick of his wrist, James flipped the fork into the air, leaving it suspended for a fair amount of time. While it remained aloft, he took out a magnet and a zip lock bag. The tuning fork came back down, hitting the magnet, another resounding chime coming from it. The result was almost instantaneous as the magnet began to draw in what was left of the spider. He let out a breath he had been holding without noticing.

He waited until he was sure that last of its ash before he picked up the tuning fork. He held it by the fork part unlike the first time, and tapped the magnet with the handle part, causing the rubble of the spider to fall into the waiting zip lock bag. Now he just needed a flat and solid surface.

Creating a Silencing Mushroom, James gave one to himself, before shoving one against the door to the library. He walked inside, as they left the door unlocked for him. It was thoughtful of them, but that wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. You never know what could happen. After coming inside, he Violently slammed the door... but it didn't make a sound. For once in a long time that day, he actually smiled a little again. He loved doing that.

James pulled out another megaphone and shoved it against a Mushroom, before applying it to the door. An Un-silencing Mushroom. Seeing as the door was back to normal, he looked around. It was empty downstairs, so they must've went upstairs to call it a night. His gaze fell on the kitchen.

Perfect!

He Flashed into the other room. (He was still confused how Flashing was silent, it wasn't part of him... or was it...? He shook his head. He'd think about it later... maybe.

James made his way over to the counter as he pulled out the zip lock bag, and dumped the contents onto the surface. He then pulled out his golden hammer, the same size as his black hammer (which is pretty large, practically a mallet), that fixed things instead of breaking them. He held the hammer in the air. One strike to the debris, and Red X's beloved spider would be fixed. Red X would feel better, and forget that this ever happened.

James paused. It was nighttime, everyone was sleeping. He gently put his hammer down. He made two more Silencing Mushrooms, one for his hammer, and one for the counter. After applying one to each, he proceeded to finish where he left off with the hammer, but paused again. He wasn't one to do a little extra, because, what if someone liked it the way it was and wouldn't want to change it? As he thought on, he decided to go through with the extra effort, to show how much he cared.

He pulled out a black crayon and a red-crossed circle, and shoved the two together with a Star, before placing it on top of the cremated Pepperspy. After putting a clock and a Mushroom together, he added that to the mix. With a nod of finality, he took the hammer over his head and swung.

[A good hour later...]

Red X raised his head and blinked drowsily, only to be greeted with darkness. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, but the darkness stayed. However, it was light enough for him to see some of his surroundings, to some extent. In front of him was a shelf full of books. At that point, he realized someone was snoring. Turning around, he could barely make out Spike sleeping in his small basket. Right past him was a bed that had a giant lump under the covers. Probably Twilight. Which meant...

"What am I doing in the library?" he whispered to himself.

Quietly, Red X got up and walked down the stairs.

"James? Are you down here?" he said quietly as he looked around. He continued walking, but stopped when he almost tripped over something that was on the floor. He summoned a fireball to see what it was. "Oh, there you are."

Good thing he did stop before he ran into it, because there was his brother, sleeping face-down on the hard wooden floor. Red X narrowed his eyes as he noticed something dark grey on James's lower back. His eyes narrowed.

"What the ____...?"

Whatever the thing was, it yawned, causing him to freeze. He briskly walked over to the switch on the wall and turned on the light (and dissipated his fireball), so he could distinguish it from James's clothes.

...It was now on top of James's head. He couldn't let this creature hurt James. He couldn't crush it; James didn't take kindly to being hit on the head while sleeping. There was only one reasonable solution: panic.

"James, get up!" Red X yelped.

"What? What happened?" James shot up with a start and looked around frantically. He eased up a little when his gaze fell on his worried-looking brother in front of him. "Red X? What's wrong?" he stretched (although that made him lightheaded).

Red X had a worried expression on his face as he pointed. "There's something moving on your head," he whispered.

"What!?" James hissed as he quickly took off his hat to inspect it. Upon seeing what he was talking about, he relaxed. "Red X, this is your spider," he said with a hint of exasperation.

"Huh?" Slowly, Red X walked up to his brother for a closer look. As realization struck, his eyes widened. "Pepperspy?"

In response, the spider gradually doubled in size and jumped onto his chest, in which he noticed a scent in the air and sniffed. Peppermint.

He inhaled sharply. "It is you!"

James noticed it looked like Pepperspy was stretching two of his front legs out aside himself. "I think he's hugging you," he said.

"I missed you too," Red X Cheerfully returned the 'embrace.'

"Aww, that's adorable," James smiled in amusement, despite himself.

"But how is he alive ?" Red X looked up.

James yawned. "Oh, you know. I gathered his remains and added a little extra before I put him back together. As you witnessed, he can grow or shrink when he wants to. And in case you didn't realize, you would've crushed him with how tightly you were hugging him. So I made him indestructible.

He scratched the back of his head. "And, Pepperspy. This is long overdue, but I want to apologize for... attacking you." Pepperspy turned his head before jumping onto his chest in response, 'hugging' him.

James chuckled as he hugged him back. "Thanks for understanding."

"Hey, could you guys stop shouting?" another voice spoke. There was a pause. "It's eleven at night." They turned to the stairs, where the source of the voice was.

"Sorry, Spike. We'll keep it down," James apologized. Spike grumbled something inaudible as he went back to the bedroom. "Well, I don't know about you... but I would like to rest. If you're staying up, please stay quiet."

Red X looked up as Pepperspy jumped onto his hat. "No, I'm going back to bed." He looked back down to see his brother with a gun pointed to his head. "I'll head home in the morning."

"Okay, good. Sleep well." At that, there would've been a resounding pow when James pulled the trigger, had the gun not been a silencer.

James and Conscience walked behind Pinkie Pie, who was constantly blowing into a party blower (much to James's annoyance). She also had a strange pair of glasses with a nose and mustache, as well as a head attachment that her it look an arrow was sticking through it. (James was rather unnerved by it.)

"Can you tell me why I'm here?" James asked Conscience.

"So you can see what me and the guys were doing yesterday," was the reply.

"...Red X, too?"

"Yeah."

A silent pause. "...Who's idea was the prank with the spider?" James asked, having a feeling he already knew the answer.

"Mine," Conscience said rather proudly. "I said you'd need a good pranking."

"Red X wasn't very happy about how I reacted."

Conscience Sharply turned his head to James. "He wasn't?"

"No. He was a lachrymose wreck of emotion. Had I recognized the spider, I wouldn't have overreacted." James turned his head slowly as if on a horror movie. "But you knew about Pepperspy."

"Pepperspy?"

"His spider he got from his passed grandmother."

Conscience's eyes widened. "That was the same spider!?" he hissed.

"Yeah," James Hand Cracked. "It was." He almost Tornado Slapped him. But he had to catch himself before he ran into Pinkie who stopped walking. The two followed her gaze to see a large house made of clouds.

"Rise and shine Rainbow Dash!" she called out. "It's a brand new day and we got a lot of pranking to--" She paused in mid-sentence when a large eagle's head peered at them from above. "Ooh."

Rainbow popped up from behind the 'eagle.' "Mornin', Pinks," she flew down and landed next to her. "Gilda, this is my gal pal, Pinkie Pie." At this point, the creature flew down to the ground, revealing its whole body... which was like a lion. Which mean it was a griffon, James and Conscience noted. "And this," she pointed behind Pinkie, "...is James... and Conscience." James nodded in acknowledgement while Conscience waved Cheerfully.

"Hey. What's up?" Gilda greeted (as she turned her head to look at... something behind her).

"Pinkie, guys, this is my griffon friend, Gilda," Rainbow gestured to the griffon.

"What's a griffon?" Pinkie asked.

"She's half-eagle, half-lion."

Gilda landed in front of everyone and wrapped her arm around Rainbow. "And all awesome." She and Rainbow chuckled as she bumped her hoof.

"Gilda's my best friend from my days at Junior Speedster flight camp," the pegasus explained before she looked at Gilda. "Hey, remember the chant?"

"Shuh, they made us recite it every morning. I'll never get that lame thing out of my head," the griffon replied.

"Sooo," Rainbow leaned in expectantly.

Gilda sighed and rolled her eyes. "Only for you, Dash." The two rose into the air.

"Junior Speedsters are our lives,

Sky-bound soars and daring dives

Junior Speedsters, it's our quest,

To someday be the very best!"

Rainbow was seemingly lost in that short period of time, while Gilda sounded like she'd rather be doing something else.

Conscience elbowed James. "Heh, Rainbow was really feeling it." James stifled a High Chortle.

They weren't the only ones to think the chant was humorous, as Pinkie was laughing as well... much to the apparent (at least to James) chagrin of Gilda.

"Oh that was awesome, and it gave me a great idea for a prank," Pinkie faceplanted the ground to put her silly apparel back on. "Gilda, you game?"

Gilda mused. "Huh. Well, I groove on a good prank as much as the next griffon. But Dash, you promised me we'd get a flying session in this morning," she said before taking to the air.

Rainbow gave a sheepish look to the pink earth pony. "Uh. yeah. Well, Pinkie Pie, you don't mind, do you? Gilda just got here. We'll catch up with you later," she assured.

"Oh," Pinkie frowned, but quickly replaced it with a smile. "Um. Well sure, no problem. Have fun you guys. I'll, uh, just catch up with you... later," she sighed, obviously disappointed. She turned her head as Conscience put his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, come on. It's not the end of the world. Like you said, you can catch up later. Until then, why don't we do something else to kill time?"

Pinkie perked up. "Yeah, you're right. I guess the prank can wait a little longer."

"Great. James, any ideas?"

Silence. Conscience sighed, having a feeling he already knew why James didn't answer. Turning around, he confirmed his suspicions: James had left when they weren't looking.

"I can not f***ing believe him. Not one, damn, bit," he facepalmed.

"At least he left a note," Pinkie said. Conscience raised his head to see Pinkie hunched over, looking at something on the ground. Walking up to her side he followed her gaze. Indeed, there was a small parchment.

He read it out loud:

"Had to use the damn bathroom. And before you ask, it's number two. Sorry, guys, I'll see you when I come back.

The Third."

As what he read sunk in, Conscience Facewhipped. "Son of a bi--"

"What's the problem?" Pinkie asked, confused at his reaction. "After he's done, we can all have fun together."

She frowned as Conscience sighed heavily. "Pinkie," he turned towards her, "After James is done, at least two hours will have passed."

Author's Note

I had forgotten what that anxiety thing with me was. I looked it up, it was called post-traumatic stress disorder (or PTSD for short).

Remember Pepperspy, everyone. At least, for now.

"Jogging backwards isn't clever... idiot."

As his conscience had predicted, James took a little over two hours before he finished his business (Unfortunately for Spike, since it smelled terrible in there. He definitely wouldn't like when he had to clean the bathroom).

"Sorry, Spike," he apologized in advance as he passed by the baby dragon, who was shelving a few books.

Spike turned away from the shelf in confusion. "For what?"

"Just make sure you have something to plug your nose ready."

Spike quirked an eyebrow as he turned back to his task. "Um... alright...?"

James exited the door to the library. He looked to his left , his right, and finally setting his gaze in front of him. Now he had to find Conscience and Pinkie. As he started walking down the road, he wondered where they might be. Then it hit him.

WHACK!

James was suddenly floored on his stomach by something solid and heavy. Feeling the familiar smooth texture, he didn't even have to look to know what it was: a hammer. More specifically, Conscience's hammer.

"How ya doin', hmm?" the culprit greeted.

"...What the f***, Conscience," James said with his face still on the ground.

"That's for leaving a note instead of saying something."

James sighed. "Fine, fair enough."

"Oh Conscience, you found him!" a cheery voice sounded. James looked up at the source of the voice.

"Pinkie, did you even try to talk him out of this?"

"Huh?" Pinkie blinked. "No. I didn't even know where he was. Well, not exactly. Conscience said you'd be done by now."

"So Pinkie said we should split up, so we could find you quicker," Conscience added.

Pinkie gave a questioning look. "What? No I di--"

"And I said 'Meh, why not,'" he continued while Signature Shrugging.

James deadpanned at Conscience and shook his head. "Yeah, sure. What have you guys been doing?

"Weeell," Conscience furrowed his eyebrows, "while you were elsewhere, I offered Pinkie a Leeroy ride." He summoned his cape. "She accepted. And she didn't want to get off."

"I said I was sorry!" the pink mare defended.

"You were pretty heavy to be carrying for two hours and seven minutes. Yeah, I kept track." Pinkie gave a sheepish look.

"Well, anyway, now would be a good time to see if RD and her friend have any free time, right?" James suggested.

"Yeah, that's fantastic idea!" Pinkie agreed.

Rainbow and Gilda laughed as they both touched down on a cloud from fiercely flying around in the air for some time.

"Whoa-ho, that was sweet," Gilda got up. "Just like old times."

"Yeah, only faster," Rainbow agreed as Gilda bumped her hoof. "So now what?" At that point, was when Pinkie's head popped through the cloud.

"Hey there."

"Huh?" the Flight Camp duo voiced in unison. As Pinkie's disappeared below the clouds, Conscience's head immediately followed after.

"How ya doin'?" he waved Cheerfully before he went back down. No sooner did that happen did James's head appear.

"Hi," he said flatly.

He disappeared and Pinkie reappeared. "It's later..." She switched with Conscience.

"And we caught up," he finished. James took his place.

"Apparently you're still busy," he said in time before he went back down.

Somehow, Conscience managed to bounce in sync with Pinkie, so both of them reappeared above the surface. "This was her idea," Conscience pointed to the pink mare before they came back down.

James came back up, "Sorry, we can leave."

"Pinkie Pie... you are so random," Rainbow smiled in amusement. Gilda had a rather displeased expression on her face, however.

She looked up, "Hey, Dash. Think you got enough gas left to beat me to that cloud?" she pointed a distance in front of her.

"A race? You are so on," Rainbow smirked as she reared back.

Gilda counted. "One, two, three, go!" they took off. James's head popped up as she said 'go,' and he was caught by surprise when they suddenly flew away.

"Wait, where are they headed?" he came back down.

"Hey!" he heard Pinkie's voice above him.

The race was over in seconds. "I win!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"As if. I won, dude," Gilda pointed to herself.

"No way!"

"Yes way."

"Oh, come on, I was way ahead of you."

"Uh, I don't think so."

The two old friends were so busy trying to claim their victory, they failed to notice the pink pony rising to their altitude via several balloons. (James was right below her waiting for Pinkie to tell if they were busy or not. Conscience was still enjoying himself on the trampoline.)

"Wow guys, that was really close. But I think Rainbow Dash beat you by a teeny weeny itty bitty hair. Or a teeny weeny itty bitty feather."

"Ha. See? Good thing Pinkie Pie's here to keep you honest, G." Gilda looked rather frustrated. But then... she pointed above them.

"Okay, Dash, last one to that cloud up there is a gnarly dragon egg. Go!"

WHOOSH!

As the air cleared after the takeoff, Rainbow was gone, but Gilda was still there.

"What the hell?" James squinted in confusion. He watched the griffon say something to Pinkie before popping a few of her balloons.

He watched as she slowly descended back to the ground. "Huh...," she frowned before zooming off. No more than three seconds later did she come back with what looked like a strange candy-themed, pony-powered flying contraption. Before she took off, James stopped her.

"Pinkie, hold on," he pulled out a Mini Mushroom. "I'm coming with you."

♩ ♩ ♩

Rainbow made it to the cloud. Gilda having caught up, she touched down shortly after. And then Pinkie returned on her Confection Machine... at least, that was the name mentally given by James, who was shrunk down and on Pinkie's shoulder.

"Oh wow. You guys almost got away from me that time," Pinkie said as she approached the two flying racers on the cloud.

Gilda narrowed her eyes, but then looked back at Rainbow. "So, Dash, got any new moves in your tricktionary, or are you 100% old school?"

Rainbow smirked. "New moves? Heh. Sit back G, this, is gonna take a while." And with that she took off.

Gilda turned to the earth pony behind her. "Hey Pinkie, com'ere," she motioned her towards herself.

"Yeah?" Pinkie came closer. She recoiled slightly with a grimace when Gilda grabbed the pole holding the propeller on her machine.

Gilda glared at her. "Don't you know how to take 'get lost' for an answer? Dash doesn't need to hang with a dweeb like you now that I'm around. You're dorkin' up the skies, Stinkie Pie. So make like a bee. Buzz off!" Pinkie yelped as she grabbed the propeller, causing the rest of the machine to spin instead. Letting go, the machine continued spinning out of control.

A short while later, Pinkie was sprawled on the ground, her 'Confection Machine' a wreck. "Hmph!" she frowned as she got up.

James, who'd fallen off during the incident, Explosively landed a safe distance in front of her, having already eaten a Super Mushroom.

He Hand Cracked. "So she's that type of bitch. I knew there was something wrong with that f***er!" he turned around. "You alright, Pinkie?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she huffed.

[Later at the library...]

"So, Pinkie Pie, are you sure that this friend of Rainbow Dash is really so mean?" Twilight asked as she flipped to a certain page in a book she was looking at.

Pinkie had a very upset look on her face as she paced around the room. "Um, yeah! She keeps stealing Rainbow Dash away, she popped my balloons, and she told me to buzz off. I've never met a griffon this mean. Well, actually, I've never met a griffon at all. But I bet if I had, she wouldn't have been as mean and grumpy as Gilda."

"You know what I think, Pinkie Pie," Twilight looked at her.

"Hmm?" she stopped.

"Well, I think... you're jealous."

"Jealous!?"

Spike looked up from another book. "Green with envy. Well, in your case, pink with envy."

"Well, yes. Jealous. Listen Pinkie, I don't want to upset you, but just because Rainbow Dash has another friend doesn't make Gilda a grump. I mean, perhaps it's you, Pinkie, who needs to improve her attitude," the unicorn spoke softly.

"Improve my attitude? But I--... d--... b--... It's Gilda that--... d--... Are you seri--... d'rrgh!" Pinkie screamed in frustration before briskly walking out of the door, and closing it not-so-lightly.

James, who was seething in the back, finally spoke up. "Twilight, as much as I'd like to agree with you, I can't." He furrowed his eyebrows. "I was there, too. Gilda kept shooting these looks at Pinkie, and tried to get rid of her behind Rainbow's back."

"I'm sure she just wanted to catch up with Rainbow. It has been a while since they've seen each other."

James threw his hands in the air in exasperation. Was she serious? "I mean, f***, Twilight. Gilda told her to buzz off! There's not a single red flag going up in your head right now?"

"But you know how Pinkie Pie can be. I really don't think I could blame her. Even if she was a little rude...," her face crunched up slightly before she returned her attention to the book in front of her.

James Facewhipped. "F*** this," he left the library. If he couldn't convince her, he'd have to show her. But first, he was going to calm down first. At least then when he pissed himself off again thinking later about what he would do to expose Gilda for the ass**le that she was, he would be more level-headed. The first place to come to mind was Fluttershy's cottage. It was quiet, peaceful, and full of life.

Yeah. He'd see Fluttershy and maybe help her out with anything she might need. It was the least he could do if he were to arrive unexpected. His thoughts paused as he saw Pinkie Pie ahead of him. Maybe he could talk to her first, help her feel better.

KLPOW!

Pinkie didn't even look up from the ground, looking unhappy. James opened his mouth to speak, but... "James, do you think I'm jealous, too?"

Well, there you go. She was open to talk to someone. James's face tensed. "No, Pinkie. Gilda is mean. You have every right to be upset. I'd feel the same way had it been me."

[A short while later...]

Pinkie and James sat at a table outside with an umbrella sticking through it. Pinkie had a distant frown on her face as she sipped on a milkshake. James was across from her, having already downed a large cup of milk. He hadn't wanted to impose when she stopped at Sugarcube Corner to get a shake, but she insisted. So he settled for some milk. Boy, did he need a glass of booze after what happened that morning.

As Pinkie continued to absently drink her shake, they heard a swooshing sound followed by a voice. "That was sweet." Pinkie looked up. Upon seeing who it was, she ducked behind the table, causing her shake to jump to the opposite side... as well as tip James's glass over. He deadpanned at the potential mess she could've caused on his clothes. Fortunately, he'd already finished.

The source of the voice, Rainbow Dash, continued. "Ugh. I gotta take care of a few weather jobs around here. Shouldn't take long. Just, uh, hang out in town and I'll come find ya."

The one she was addressing, Gilda, replied, "That's cool, I guess. I'm gonna go chow down."

"Later!" And with that, Rainbow flew off.

James noticed her looking around like she was up to no good. She saw an elderly pale green earth pony mare at a vegetable stand, and gave a devious smirk. He pulled out his video camera (that he shares with Conscience) and set it on the table. "Looks like I'm gonna catch her in action."

They watched as Granny Smith walked up to the stand and sniffed the vegetation closest to her, when Gilda's tail appeared in front of her face. The result was instantaneous.

She yelped and pointed, "Aah! A rattler! A rattler!" She turned and... well... she tried to gallop away, but it looked more like she was trotting briskly in slow motion. "Run for the hills! Everypony forsake yourselves!" Had it not been a f*cked up scheme, James might've thought it was adorable seeing Granny Smith 'run' like that. But unfortunately, it was.

James had to bang on the table sort-of-softly with his hand to keep from breaking the table. He hated that, it always pissed him off more. Chances were, if he could hit something hard that was nearby and sturdier, he would. Too bad, there was nothing nearby to hit without drawing a lot of attention. Therefore, he was seething. And seething always made his anger grow.

"Does this f***er have any boundaries!?" he hissed quietly (which pissed him off, since he was abstaining from yelling). "Picking on a helpless aging mare, that's a new low." Gilda appeared from behind the stand with a look full of mirth. You think that's funny, ass**le!!? James didn't say it out loud, because he knew he might start yelling.

Gilda tapped a tomato on the stand with her tail. "This stuff ain't fresh, dude," she deadpanned at the pony managing the stand.

Pinkie looked after Granny Smith (who was hardly any further away than she was five seconds ago). "Aw. Poor Granny Smith. She didn't know it was a joke. How mean." She paused and shook her head. "No, no, I can't misjudge her. It was kind of a funny prank... I guess."

James would've Sharply snapped his head to look at Pinkie, but that would've made a noticably loud whip sound upon doing. So he settled for Violently snapping it instead. "Pinkie, don't second-guess yourself. That was wrong. You know better than to prank someone you know can't handle it."

Pinkie said nothing in return, and looked back to Gilda, who stopped and looked around. Seeing no one was looking, she grabbed an apple with her tail, and ate it in one bite.

Pinkie gasped. "I did misjudge her. She's not only a meanie mean-pants, she's also a thief!"

"Yes. Yes she is," James catch-phrased in agreement.

Conscience came out and rested his chin on his hand. "You gotta have a pretty strong tail to grab something like that."

"She contradicts herself," James replied. "She just said, and I quote, 'This stuff ain't fresh, dude.'"

"She called a mare 'dude,'" Conscience noted. James nodded.

"All right little ones. This way, this way. Mama duck, you're free and clear," they heard a soft voice. Although they did look, they didn't have to to know it was Fluttershy. She was slowly walking backwards, guiding a small group of ducks. Looking back, they saw Gilda walking right in her direction.

"...Sh*t," Conscience deadpanned. James had to refrain from cocking his sniper when the inevitable happened: the yellow pegasus bumped into Gilda.

"Hey!"

Fluttershy turned around. "Please excuse me," she said politely.

"I'm walkin' here," Gilda replied loudly as she sized up the meek pegasus.

James lost his cool. That is... if you could call burning mad 'cool.' "Hold on a second," he got up.

Fluttershy took a few steps back. "Oh, um, I'm sorry. I-I was just trying to--"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Gilda mocked. "Why don't you--"

THUMP

Someone stomped loudly in between them. Gilda remembered that Rainbow introduced him this morning. 'Jimmy,' or something like that. What she didn't remember, however, was his eyes being red.

"I'm afraid you're in my way," James said darkly, his eyes threatening to burst into flames.

Gilda scoffed. "And what are you gonna do about it?"

James didn't answer, but kept his eyes locked on the griffon in front of him as he spoke to the mare behind him. "Fluttershy, go ahead and continue on your way."

Fluttershy, who was cowering, looked up at James... well, the back of him. "O-oh. Um, o-okay." She stood up shakily. "Alright, little ones. Right this way," she managed to say in a steady tone as she made her way around James and the griffon. (James was surprised that he didn't scare the ducks away when he stomped in front of Gilda. They were pretty brave, he had to give them credit.)

"Hey, where're you goin'? I wasn't done with yo--" she was cut off as James Violently grabbed her by the neck and turned it to face him again.

"Hey, ass****, it's rude to ignore someone when they're talking to you," he grit his teeth.

Gilda narrowed her eyes. "Why you little..."

KLPOW!

"What the--" she stared in confusion at the now vacant spot that James just was.

"I'm gonna have to ask you to excuse me."

Gilda whipped her head around to see James walking away. "Hey!" she flew after him.

James barely had time to look behind him and react. Luckily, he began running before he could catch her. She was pretty fast, James would give her that. Nowhere near fast as he was on the ground, but still respectably swift. Maybe almost as fast as he flew with his cape. In reality, he was letting her get close, but staying out of reach.

"Get back here!" she called after him.

He noticed that they were approaching the empty meadow just outside of Ponyville. When they were a good distance away from the town, James abruptly turned around. Gilda, caught off guard, failed to slow down in time... and flew straight into James's grasp.

Having caught her by the neck, James slammed her head against the ground and sprinted, dragging the side of her face along the plethora of grass blades. After a good five seconds, he brought up his arm, taking Gilda with it, and tossed her lightly into the air. Quickly grabbing her leg, he harshly swung her back to the ground on her stomach. Not giving her time to recover, he delivered a severe kick to her side, sending her rolling several meters away, air scarce in her lungs. Gilda barely had a second to writhe in pain, as James held her in the air by the neck... and immediately socked her Violently in the face, back to the ground. (He'd never told anyone, but he loved doing that: picking someone up by the neck and socking them back down like a volleyball.)

Gilda was dazed, her eyes wide. Everything happened so fast. One moment she was giving chase, the next moment she was hurting badly on the ground. She coughed, her breathing labored. Unfortunately, James was already looming over her, and firmly held his foot against her neck.

"Listen closely, mother f***er," he said in a dangerous tone. "It's f***ing bad enough you tried to get rid of Rainbow's friends behind her damn back." He pressed harder against her neck, causing her to grimace in agony. "But picking on them? That's far past the line. Especially with the pegasus you purposely let bump into you."

James picked her up with a strong and tight grip, again by the neck, and raised her head to his level to look her directly in her frightened eyes. "You better show some f***ing restraint when you act like you seemingly own everyone, or I will be very unhappy." He Violently threw her back to the ground, the griffon breathing heavily for a few seconds. "This talk will stay between you and me. Or else. And don't you dare ask me what that 'or else' is, it's none of your damn business, unless you anger me again."

He Hand Cracked and turned his back on her. Without turning around, he pulled out a Star Candy and tossed it behind him, right in front of Gilda. "Eat this... if you value your health." And with that, he stormed away.

James made it back in town. As he walked down the road, he felt much better. The look on Gilda's face after he beat it in made it all the more satisfying. So full of agony. So frightened, so... shaken up. James found himself half-wishing someone else like her would turn up again some time. That would be very refreshing. He almost slapped himself when he thought it would be nice. Ironically...

SMACK

James blinked. "What the hell?" The one who slapped him, Conscience, stood in front of him with an amused look on his face.

"You were about to walk into one of the buildings," Conscience gestured to the wall very close behind him.

"Huh. My fault, I was just celebrating in my moment of violence," he started walking, this time making sure to not get lost in his own train of thought.

"Nice. Anyway, Pinkie's setting up a gathering with Gilda as the guest of honor."

James looked at the ground in thought. "Alright then. We're invited, I presume?"

"Yep."

"Good. We'll be there."

Author's Note

Me: Finally! I got to hit someone that isn't a close friend of mine!
Conscience: ...I'm a 'close friend?'
Me: T_T
Um, no.

"Hard to keep up an appearance when I'M after you."

"Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!"

James paused from drinking the glass of milk in his hand and raised an eyebrow at Pinkie. "Pinkie, you said that twice already to the same pony." Apparently she didn't hear him, and did not reply. He would've been slightly irritated at that, had Red X and Blue Star not come in at that moment.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked when they came over to him.

"Conscience said we were invited to a party," Blue Star answered. "I couldn't refuse."

Red X spoke up. "Arthur couldn't come, he ended up catching Blue Star's bug. I offered to nurse him back to good health, but he said he'd be fine and didn't want me to miss the party for his sake."

"Oh, that was nice of him," James nodded as he tilted his glass to drink.

"Atario's busy with an odd job right now, he said he'd check on Arthur when he was done. Stario is... um--"

"He's having an affair," Blue Star interrupted bluntly, causing James to abruptly spit out his milk.

"Damn it, Blue Star!" James pulled out a couple napkins to clean up the mess. Blue Star was laughing his ass off so hard, he had to lean against Red X to keep from falling over, much to Red X's (and to a small degree, James's) annoyance. They got a few glances from some of the other ponies who attended the party. But eventually they returned to their own conversations.

"Good one," Conscience murmured to the still-laughing Blue Star as James went to throw the napkins away.

"No problem," Blue Star managed to calm down. "It's the least I could do."

When James came back a few seconds later, Red X gladly removed himself from being Blue Star's line of support. "James, he was kidding."

"I know," James deadpanned as Pinkie said something to Fluttershy in the background, much to the pegasus's obvious annoyance. "It just keeps throwing me for a loop."

"We actually can't find him anywhere. He'll turn up soon. More likely not for the party, but we'll see him again."

"He would've been drinking to his heart's content, anyway," James Epic Shrugged. In reality, he liked it when Stario was around, you couldn't take him seriously that much... if you weren't fighting him.

Turning back around James furrowed his eyebrows slightly. "Okay, guys, so the guest of honor is a griffon."

"OMG, seriously!?" Blue Star hissed quietly in excitement.

"Apparently, she's an ass****," Conscience deadpanned.

They heard Pinkie's voice. "Gilda!"

KLPOW!

James's eyes widened as he realized he Flashed in front of Gilda on instinct. Ah, well. No time like the present. "Pinkie, can I speak with Gilda, in private?"

"Sure!" She said cheerfully and bounced away as he turned around.

He almost smirked in amusement at the sudden tension that filled the air. Instead, his face went neutral. "Gilda. This gathering was made by Pinkie Pie just for you. So let's make a deal." James leaned forward slightly. "You stay in line, and I'll allow you the luxury of knowing what tomorrow is like." In other words, f*ck this up, and I'll kill you.

Gilda swallowed, knowing exactly what he meant. "Agreed?" he asked. She flinched slightly as he stuck his hand out. Hesitantly, she lifted hers to shake his. The second she got a good enough grip...

ZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Gilda shook like hell, electricity surrounding most of her body. James let go a good three seconds after, Gilda's plumage a little fluffed up, some tips of her feathers blackened slightly. Wobbling slightly from the shock, she collapsed to the floor.

Pinkie laughed from where she was, along with Rainbow, who walked over to James. "Wow, good one, James. The old hoof-shake buzzer never gets old!"

"Yeah, haha, good one," Gilda said flatly as she got up.

Rainbow looked at his hand and corrected herself. "Er, hand-shake buzzer." She looked closer, her eyebrow raised. "Hey, where's the buzzer?" James simply chuckled darkly as he walked back over to the guys, his hands behind his back. Rainbow gave a skeptical look before shrugging and walking away. "Anyway, G, let me introduce you to some of my other friends."

As James made it over to his brothers, Red X smirked. "You shocked her with your own electricity? That's ______ up."

"Yeah, just a warning to stay the f*** out of trouble," James looked over to see Gilda saying something to Pinkie with her eyes narrowed.

"You really think she's gonna keep her cool?" Conscience asked. Pinkie said something while looming over Gilda, her eyes popping out of her head and nearly touching the griffon. "Damn, Pinkie must have some really strong eye muscles..."

"I think she'll do fine!" Blue Star said enthusiastically.

Pinkie walked to the center of the room. "Everyone, I'd like you all to meet Gilda, a long-time, dear friend of Rainbow Dash." Conscience High Chortled at the flat look the griffon had on her face. Pinkie rushed up and wrapped her forelegs around her neck. "Let's honor her and welcome her to Ponyville." Gilda glared at her, but switched to a nervous smile as the crowd of ponies cheered.

"Please help yourself," Pinkie offered, a bowl of brownish yellow candies beside her on a table.

"Vanilla lemon drops. Don't mind if I do," she popped one into her mouth. Almost instantly her face contorted into an expression of extreme discomfort before she spouted a long trail of flame from her mouth. Pinkie took this opportunity to roast a marshmallow. "Hot!"

James held his hand over his mouth, stifling a laugh. "Conscience. Please tell me you got that."

"Hell yeah!" Conscience had the video camera in his hands.

Red X walked over to the lemon drops and ate one. "Mm, these aren't that bad!" he ate another one.

"G, the punch!" Rainbow pointed to the side. Gilda didn't need to be told twice, as she ran over to the table... while Blue Star made imitated the sound of a siren. (It was actually an amazingly accurate impression, like, dead on. And that's saying something, Blue Star sucks at impressions.)

Gilda had a glass tipped over, making gulping sounds. Then she paused. "Huh?" she realized that none of the drink made it to her mouth.

"Well, whaddya know, pepper in the vanilla lemon drops, and the punch served in a dribble glass," Pinkie smiled.

"Ha. Priceless. Priceless," Rainbow laughed.

Gilda rushed over to another punch table with regular cups, and downed one in a single gulp. "Yeah. Hilarious," she rolled her eyes.

"Hey G, look! Presents!" Rainbow pointed to a pyramid of wrapped gifts on the table. Gilda zoomed over with a wide smile. Grabbing a present, she pulled at the ribbon with her beak to open it... causing several green, squiggly springs to jump out in her face. Everyone laughed at the dazed look she had on her face... James was snorting trying to hold it in.

"Spittin' snakes. Hah, somepony pulled that prank on me last month," Applejack said to Rarity with a chuckle.

"Ha ha," Gilda said flatly and rolled her eyes. "I bet I know who that was."

"You do?" Pinkie asked innocently.

Red X held the bowl of lemon drops out. "Anyone else want one?" he offered. Silence followed. One of the ponies shook her head. "...No? ...Suit yourself." Red X helped himself to three more candies.

Everyone was having a good time... more or less. Fluttershy was conducting an orchestra of birds, while James and Conscience, Blue Star, and Red X (who had another bowl of lemon drops, since he finished the other) listened. Well that was what they were doing. What the f*ck was everyone else doing?

"Hey, bros," Blue Star spoke up. "Has anyone noticed that there aren't any stallions here?"

James scowled at him as Conscience looked around. His eyes widened in realization. "Holy sh**, you're right!"

"We're here, doesn't that almost count?" Red X asked before continuing to stuff his face with lemon drops.

"Cake time, everyone!" they turned to see Pinkie rolling in a giant cake. Blue Star's jaw dropped. James frowned in deep thought. How much was everyone gonna eat?

"You okay, bro?" Red X waved a hand in front of the slack-jawed Blue Star. Said person's pupils were rather large at that point, and did not react in any way.

"Hey. Can I blow the candles?" Spike asked.

"Why don't we let Gilda blow out the candles, Spike? She is the guest of honor after all," Twilight suggested.

Spike grunted in surprise when Gilda practically rammed him to the side. This didn't go unnoticed by James, who Hand Cracked his right fist. (Luckily, Conscience already had his camera put up, and Flashed over in time to catch him before he fell to the floor.) "Exactly," she said.

The griffon took a deep inhale and blew out all the candles, and smiled... only for the candles to light themselves again.

"Wah wah," Conscience smirked, causing James's low growling to abruptly turn into hysterical laughter. In Gilda's confusion, she sucked another large deal of air and again blew out the candles, getting the same result. She looked a little dizzy afterward, causing James to laugh even harder. Everyone else began to laugh too. Gilda tried again. And again. And again, and again, and again, and again. At this point, James had doubled over on the floor, wheezing in laughter. Red X was holding in his laugh, trying not to spew chewed up lemon drops onto the floor, or worse... James.

"Re-lighting birthday candles, I love that prank! What a classic," Spike laughed. With the prank over with, James got up, suddenly serious. She had tested the deal, and had to be punished.

He walked over to his entranced brother. "You got a sweet tooth, bro?" He recoiled in (slight) surprise when Blue Star snapped.

"Do I!!" In a blue and red blur, he zoomed to the cake while ramming into Gilda, sending her crashing into the wall. Hard. The blur turned into a swirl, surrounding the cake, a peculiar sound resounding. Everyone stared as the swirling blur transformed back into a satisfied-looking Blue Star about five seconds later.

"That was amazing," he sighed blissfully. He opened his eyes... and wilted at the disapproving looks everyone (except James) gave him. "I... I did it again, didn't I?" he asked himself.

"Don't worry, everyone. I made a spare!" Pinkie rolled out another cake identical to the first. Blue Star gasped. Spike didn't miss a beat, and ate a hole into the large dessert.

"This cake is amazing," he said as he popped out of the top.

"Spike!" Twilight scolded.

"What? It's great, try some."

Gilda looked like she was ready to murder someone, until Rainbow walked up to her. "Hey, G, you're not upset about some silly candles, are you?"

Gilda laughed nervously. "No way, Dash. Like I said, I'm down with a good prank."

"Come on, then. Let's have some cake," Rainbow ran over to get some herself. As soon as she was gone, the glare made it back on the griffon's face.

Pinkie took a bite from the cake, when a talon-hand grabber her neck and pulled behind it. Still gripped by the neck, Pinkie looked up to see the guest of honor herself... with her eyes narrowed.

"Hey. I'm watchin' you. Like a hawk."

"Why?" Pinkie asked. "Can't you watch me like a griffon?"

KLPOW!

Gilda remembered that sound, and let go of Pinkie on instinct. Sure enough, James walked behind the cake with his hands behind his back. "Is there a problem?"

"No. No problem," Gilda smiled nervously.

They came from behind the cake as Applejack's voice was heard. "Hey y'all, it's Pin the Tail on the Pony. Let's play."

"That is... ironic...," Blue Star said, still sitting where the first cake used to be.

"Oh, my favorite game," Rarity said (causing James to frown at her with a high degree of concern), "Can I go first? Can I have the purple tail?"

Gilda snatched the tail from the ground. "Well, I am the guest of honor, and I--"

KLPOW!

James was in front of her with a dangerous look in his eye. "I'll go first."

"C'mon, James," Rainbow said, "Gilda's right. She's the guest of honor--"

"You know what, don't worry about it, Dash. It's cool," Gilda handed James the tail.

James looked at the tail like it was sneezed on. "Um, no thanks. I'll take a different color." He handed the tail to Pinkie and went to a table, where tails for the particular game with various colors were displayed. He took the black one and turned back around. "Okay, let's do this." He barely took a step when his vision suddenly went black. "What the--? Pinkie, I think the lights went out!"

"The lights are still on, silly," James heard Pinkie say from behind him. "We're blindfolding you and spinning you around and around before you play!"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that part. Never played this game before."

Pinkie stopped in shock, surprised at this discovery. But she then shook her head. "Well, it looks like this will be your first time then!"

Red X put down his third bowl of pepper lemon drops, and spoke up. "I'll handle the spinning part!"

WHOOSH

He brushed past James causing him to spin like an ice skater doing a trick at breakneck speed. He always had a phenomenal raw ability of speed on foot. Faster than James himself. But only if James didn't Flash. Afterwards, he went back to 'his' bowl of lemon drops.

It took a good ten seconds for James to finally stop spinning. "Wooh! I enjoyed that!" When he was steady enough, and Pinkie turned him to face the pony on the paper, he pulled out a gun. Everyone tensed at this, and the ponies closest to his front side shuffled behind him.

"Okay, everyone, watch this!" he tossed the tail in the air.

POW!

He heard a resounding clink, he took the blindfold off to see how he did. He probably didn't do too well, this was his first time afte-- James's jaw dropped; the tail was almost perfectly placed on the behind of the pony. His face still full of shock, he slowly put on his sunglasses.

It was silent. Until Pinkie finally broke the silence. "He did it! He did it!"

James finally closed his mouth. "Yes. Yes I did," he said distantly.

"Great! Gilda, now it's your turn." Before the griffon could reply, Pinkie put on the blindfold and spun her around multiple times. Before steadying her to face the pony on the wall (after James took his off). Giving her the tail, she walked her toward the wall. "Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail."

"Now just walk straight ahead and pin the tail," Gilda mocked (causing James to take off his sunglasses and glare at her in irritation). "Hmph, yeah, right. This is another prank, isn't it? I'm going this way," she turned around and started walking.

Pinkie spoke quickly. "Wait. The poster is this--" Before Pinkie could finish, Gilda let out a prolonged yelp as she slipped on some cake frosting ,courtesy of Blue Star (although you had to give him credit, that was probably the only mess he made), not stopping until she crashed into the kitchen. A second later she walked back out, adorning a new accessory.

"Hey, that's not a real moustache!" Red X said jokingly through the lemon drops (of the fifth bowl) in his mouth. This comment caused everyone (including James) to break out laughing. James, however, stopped immediately when he saw Gilda trembling in anger. Not because he was frightened, or felt bad for laughing (due to the fact that she wasn't nice to his friends), but because he would finally get to f*ck someone up for once in a long time.

Everyone else followed when the griffon snapped with a roar (and somehow removing all the frosting from herself at the same time). "This is your idea of a good time? I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life," she said as she looked over the crowd while hovering in the air. Her glare hardened when it fell on Pinkie.

"And Pinkie Pie, you! You are queen lame-o with your weak little party pranks. Did you really think you could make me lose my cool?" she got in the pink pony's face. Had this been a different case, James might've been a little irritated at the way Pinkie continued to smile at her while getting berated.

"Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together. Come on Dash, we're bailing on this pathetic scene." She went for the door, but paused at her old friend's absence at her side. She turned around, "Come on Rainbow Dash. I said, we're leaving."

Rainbow glared at the griffon. "You know Gilda, I was the one who set up all those 'weak pranks' at this party."

"What!?"

"Gotcha bitch," James muttered.

"So I guess I'm queen lame-o," Rainbow continued.

"Come on, Dash, you're joshing me," Gilda said in denial.

"They weren't all meant for you specifically, it was just dumb luck that you set them all off," Rainbow frowned.

"I should of known, that dribble cup had Rainbow Dash written all over it," Pinkie said to Spike, who was standing next to her.

Gilda still refused to believe it. "No, way. It was Pinkie Pie. She set up this party to trip me up, to make a fool of me."

"Actually, that was my intention," Conscience spoke up.

Pinkie frowned. "Me? I threw this party to improve your attitude. I thought a good party might turn that frown upside down," Pinkie literally twisted her head in a half circle (causing Conscience to Grief Grimace).

"And you sure didn't need any help making a fool of yourself," Rainbow added with another glare.

"Don't go blaming others *belch* for your mistakes," Blue Star said distantly (still sitting in the same spot). "You made a complete idiot of yourself, all by yourself."

"What he said," Red X continued to chomp on lemon drops.

Rainbow took a few steps forward. "You know, this is not how I thought my old friends would treat my new friends. If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go find some new cool friends, someplace else."

Gilda seethed. "Yeah? Well you-- you... you are such a-a-a flip-flop! Cool one minute and lame the next. When you decide not to be lame anymore, gimme a call." She slammed the door.

"Not cool."

"Wow. Talk about a party pooper," Spike pointed. All the other ponies murmured to each other in confusion.

"I'm sorry, everypony, for bringing Gilda here," Rainbow apologized with a frown. "I didn't know how rude she was. And Pinkie Pie, I'm really sorry she ruined that awesome party you put on for her."

"Hey, if you want to hang out with party poopers, that's your business," Pinkie said rather dismissively.

"I'd rather hang out with you. No hard feelings?" she held out her hoof.

"No hard feelings," Pinkie returned the gesture... only for both of them to yelp in shock, physically and mentally. They both laughed afterward as they turned their hooves over, revealing hoof-shake buzzers.

"I'm real glad I had the camera out," Conscience said as he was recording the whole scene.

Twilight walked up to them with an apologetic look. "Hey Pinkie. Sorry I accused you of misjudging Gilda. Looks like I'm the one who misjudged you."

Pinkie wrapped her foreleg around Twilight's neck. "It's okay Twilight, even you can't be a super smart smarty smart-pants all the time."

Conscience, who had the camera on stand-by, walked over to them. "James would've been pissed to hear you say that. Because he knew he and Pinkie were right the whole time. But now you've seen it, first-hand... er, first-hoof." He looked around. "Where is he, anyway? And Red X and Blue Star for that matter...?"

"I'm sure they'll be back," Pinkie assured. Conscience knew she was right, so he went over and helped himself to a slice of cake.

Gilda was furious. After all that time away, she comes back to see her childhood friend... only to get pushed away by that same friend.

She was so busy wallowing in her bad luck, that she almost failed to notice James suddenly walking by her side. Almost. "What are you doin' here?"

"Oh, I just wanted to know which direction your home is," James said nonchalantly, his hands behind his back after having caught up with the griffon.

"Straight ahead," she grumbled.

"Oh, okay." James snapped his fingers.

Out of nowhere, Red X popped up behind her. "R.K.O.!" he exclaimed as he tackled her to the ground in a head lock.

"Wh-what are you doing!? I didn't pick on anyone!" she struggled.

"You may not have picked on anyone in particular, but you were still rude," James paced a small circle around them. "So while I'm not going to kill you--" James paused and rephrased his sentence. "While I'm going to let you live, you still must pay the price."

He stood on her legs to pin them down, while Red X move over to pin her arms and neck. When James was sure she wouldn't be able to get up easily, he pulled out a bell from Pac-Man and a clock. After turning the minute hand to the number six (thirty seconds), he combined it with the bell, and threw it at Gilda.

"Red X you can get off of her." Red X obliged.

Gilda's eyes widened. "What did you do? I can't move!"

"A little something I got from a good friend of mine," James said. (He was talking about Atario. Atario was the one who got them from PAC-MAN.) "He has plenty of these. And I have a lot too, thanks to him... he still has more than me." James sighed. "Enough about that. Red X, please stand her up.

"Alright...," he did as instructed.

"Now turn her around... good. Blue Star, she's all yours!" James called.

Blue Star walked out from behind one of the houses nearby, obviously trying (and failing miserably) to look badass. Getting a little closer he started running straight up to Gilda, who was being stood up by Red X from beside her. He curled his fist towards his arm as he reared it back. As he closed the rest of the distance between them, his fist connected with Gilda's chin.

"*HADOOOKENN!!*"

He leaped off the ground, taking the griffon with him, sending her flying into the sky until she was no longer visible.

Timing the whole thing, James made sure she was able to move before Blue Star uppercut her. As his two brothers appeared on each side, he held up his hands. They accepted, and slapped his hands in a high-five.

"That was amazing, guys. You played the part perfectly... except when you tried that 'badass' walk from behind that house, Blue Star." Blue Star pouted. James Dollar Punched himself twice, making two twenty-dollar bills. He handed one to each of them. "Alright guys, let's head back to the gathering." They walked (their steps in perfect sync for some reason) back to Sugarcube Corner.

Dearest Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that it's hard to accept when somepony you like wants to spend time with somepony who's not so nice. Though it's impossible to control who your friends hang out with, it is possible to control your own behavior. Just continue to be a good friend. In the end, the difference between a false friend and one who's true will surely come to light.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle

After having read her student's friendship letter (which was rather f*cking fast), Celestia rolled up the scroll and set it aside. Bringing out a fresh one, she began writing.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,
My most faithful student...

The words on the parchment suddenly disappeared. In confusion, the princess looked at the bottle of ink. The label fell off, revealing that it was actually disappearing ink.

"Oops," she chuckled, "Wrong ink."

[Ending Song]

Author's Note

As James and his two brothers approached Sugarcube Corner, Blue Star spoke up. "James?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry for assuming that you threw away the katanas I got you for your birthday."

"It's cool, I got over it. Thanks for apologizing, it puts me in a better mood."

"I need to see if Pinkie can give me the recipe for those pepper lemon drops...," Red X said out loud to himself as they got to the door. As soon as they went back inside...

"Where've you been, you guys?" Pinkie immediately rushed up to them. Conscience Flashed over to them.

"You didn't tell us where you were going," he said.

James exchanged glances with his brothers, before giving a small smirk. "Oh, we were just seeing Gilda off."

Arthur: *walks inside* Hey, guys, what'd I miss?
Red X: I... I think I'm addicted to lemon drops... v_v
Blue Star: Make sure you comment, everyone! I wanna know if I'm famous! XD
Conscience: And that's how you wrap it up! =D
Me: *shoots self in the head*