An Anecdotal Dissertation on Hopelessness
An Anecdotal Dissertation on Hopelessness
Bon Bon walked the streets, head down, hooves dragging. Her eyes were heavy with some weight, some desire of hers to cry that hadn’t quite manifested itself yet. She had recently come back from a trip to Canterlot to view the live procession of a bill that she had been following from its proposition, had hoped to see passed into effect, and had left after seeing it shot down with unexpected enthusiasm.
She had tried not to be hopeful in regards to this law, several like it had come and gone with just as much consideration. On the train ride back to Ponyville, however, she’d been given the opportunity to see just how far her heart had to fall, it had been a long train ride of disappointment, but at least it had been quiet and empty.
Now, as she towed herself back home through the unpolished streets, some unseen reserve of energy carrying her, though only just, she passed the many inhabitants of the town she had always thought of as home. Many of the passerby recognized her and what her downtrodden appearance must mean. Some of them gloated, some expressed concern and caring, but most ignored her. Which was fine, she wasn’t sure she cared about it anymore anyway.
But as she approached the final leg of her trip, turned the last corner that let her home come into view, there was one more pony to approach her, one she had hoped she wouldn’t see. Pinkie Pie wasn’t the worst pony, they shared many views, but right now the last thing Bon Bon needed was-
“Why so frowny upside-downy?”
That. Bon Bon sighed, even still debating internally if a discussion with the unwaveringly optimistic pony was truly something she wanted to participate in. However, as Pinkie moved into step alongside her, Bon Bon spotted the deep care and compassion in her eyes. It was moving, even then, to see that. So Bon Bon answered the question.
“It didn’t pass.” Said Bon Bon, resigned.
“Oh.” Pinkie’s steps paused as if the sudden weight of the situation hit her square on the muzzle. “Well!” Pinkie’s pace resumed, picking up until she was even with Bon Bon again. “There’s always next time right?”
“I don’t know if there will be a next time.” Bon Bon responded, relinquishing her concerns to the pool of hope beside her. “Even if there is, would it even matter? Wouldn’t it just fail again like all the others?” Bon Bon shuffled her hind legs to readjust her saddlebags, the emblazoned lyre on the fabric rocking back and forth before it came to rest again. “Nothing’s ever going to change.”
“Well maybe I guess…” Pinkie said, her ears flat in anticipation for what would come next. “But can’t that be a good thing?”
Bon Bon felt rage erupt within her, searing anger that seemed to cauterize her emotional wounds. “How can that be a good thing?!” She exhaled a single burst of bullish air from her muzzle. “An eternity of being looked down on? I can’t wait!” With fangs of sarcasm Bon Bon lunged at Pinkie. “To constantly be treated like a second class citizen? Like I don’t matter?”
Pinkie, cowed by the anger, retreated both verbally and physically. The compassion in her eyes, however, seemed just as vibrant, perhaps more so. “I didn’t mean it like that…”
Bon Bon wanted nothing more than to scream again, to let the hatred burn away all the sadness in scouring rage. Instead, she stopped, she felt the sadness return, felt it take her heart in a suffocating swarm. She looked to Pinkie, guilt and regret in equal measure. “Then what did you mean?”
“Well,” Pinkie began, energy beginning to return to her figure. “If nothing changes, than you and Lyra can always be together right? If nothing can change then you’ll always love each other, and no one can vote on that.”
Bon Bon glanced away, not wanting to meet Pinkie’s eyes after she’d met her genuine kindness with anger. “Yea I guess so.”
“And if something does change, then you can make your love official! It’s a win win when you think about it.” Pinkie said with a smile that Bon Bon felt she didn’t deserve.
“Yea…” The sadness in Bon Bon’s heart began to depart, slowly. Some comforting heat driving it out. The heat didn’t have the fury that had coursed through her earlier, but it felt nicer. It felt like, if she cared for it, it could stay forever.
“Well, I’ve got to get back to Sugarcube corner, I hope you get feeling better! If not, you can always try a cake, those always help me when I’m feeling down.” Pinkie turned abruptly, her steps changing to a bounce as she pronked her way back to the center of town.
“Pinkie!” Called Bon Bon, stopping the mare for a moment before she vanished into the busy town. Pinkie looked back, head cocked in curiosity. “Thanks.”
Pinkie’s smile swelled in response, her hair gaining a certain luster to it that Bon Bon hadn’t even noticed was missing. “I’m just glad I could help!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, she turned to leave but stopped herself again. “And I’m serious about the cake! I could give you a discount!” She said happily before leaving at last.
Bon Bon watched her leave until she disappeared behind the familiar locale that Bon Bon had grown to appreciate. She smiled to herself, hesitantly as if to try it out, before turning to complete her trip home. Her hooves no longer scraped up the dust of the road, though to say much more than that would be an exaggeration. She wasn’t at one hundred percent, she wasn't sure she ever would be, but she was feeling better.
She entered the home happily, the sound of the opening door stirring Lyra to action. “You’re back!” Said Lyra excitedly before wrapping Bon Bon in an all consuming hug.
“Yeah… I’m back.” Bon Bon said, the smile steady on her face.
Trials were a part of life, it seemed, and sometimes it felt like people would turn up the speed on the treadmill just to mess with you, just to stall or reverse your progress. But there was no end to it, you could always keep running, friends and foes could affect how easy or hard it was, but it was Bon Bon’s choice to keep running, to keep up her pursuit. It was a redoubling of efforts, and it would always be worth it.
Author's Note
Keep the comment section genial please, I have no problem deleting comments looking to hate monger or stir-up anger, this is not the place for that.
