I could never get the hang of Saturdays
Discord stared at Fluttershy like she had grown another head. Considering his line of work, this probably wasn't too surprising to him, but at the same time...
"Run that by me again?" asked the draconequuis, trying to figure out if he misheard his Best Friend For Life.
"I said you're doing well in finding new friends, Discord." Oh there it was. He beamed.
And then Fluttershy added, "But you could attempt to branch out just a teensy bit."
"Moi? Branch out? My dear Fluttershy, branching is what I do!" The last was said in a dual tone as Discord willed another head to appear onto his shoulder. "After all," continued Discord in stereo, "You've never wanted me to find another friend so soon."
"It's not that," said Fluttershy as she set down her teacup, completely used to Discord's antics. "I just want you to be happy, that's all. You have friends, yes, but you could definitely try to get more."
"Like... a collection? I haven't had a collection in years...!" Cackled Discord, rubbing his mismatched paws together.
"Discord," said Fluttershy, her tone disapproving. "That's not what I meant."
"Whatever do you mean? I'm able to find friends just fine!" Exclaimed Discord. "Watch, I'll prove it to you!"
He snapped his fingers.
The world turned mauve.
=====
The world turned mauve.
In Bastion's recent memory, the sky didn't turn mauve at all. That was momentarily disoriented as his visual feed turned a sparkling neon green. His bird companion Ganymede, chirped a warning as Bastion noted with some startled degree of discomfort, that he was floating up into the air.
Ganymede chirped in alarm, fluttering around as it burrowed into Bastion's safe recesses. He placed his hand onto the opening protectively, as the Omnic floated into the air and vanished from sight, leaving the forests around Eichenwalde silent once more.
Bastion found himself floating through a rainbow of colors as his sensors tried desperately to configure to their new location. GPS was down, so was communications. The signal he had been following for months now had all but vanished as he noted with some faint alarm, that he was turning upside down.
Time seemed to be off, measured in hours and then minutes, seconds and then years. And then with a loud thump, he landed. The world was now a merciful color of blue and green once more, and Bastion let out a noise, much akin to a sigh of relief.
Ganymede chirped from his space inside Bastion and he let the bird out to flutter around. The bird fluttered around, examining the area critically. This was not home, Ganymede realized quickly. This was not Germany, this was not Earth. Everything seemed too different, too clean, too peaceful.
Ganymede could not talk of course, but his chirping roused Bastion's sensors to full. He looked up, scanning the area. No GPS, no data. Unchartered territory. If Omnics could have panic attacks, Bastion was having one now until his bird friend landed on his metallic hand, and chirped assurances.
Bastion began to take stock of the area. Quiet, peaceful. A large field, with civilization a scant three kilometres away from their location. A forest. Scans of the forest revealed birds and other moving beasts within. Bastion decided he wasn't going to go in there.
Renewed with Determination, oh how he loved that meme, Bastion began to carefully tromp through the grass, towards Ponyville.
=====
The sky turned mauve.
Princess Twilight Sparkle sighed. It was a terrible sigh. A long, drawn out sigh. A sigh of knowing just what time it was.
"Spike!" She bellowed.
"It's 9:30!" Came back the reply from somewhere deep in the library.
"On a Saturday!" Added Starlight Glimmer from the opposite side of the library.
"Thank you!" Yelled back Twilight as she gathered her things. Saturday. Some ponies had it great, having nothing to do on Saturday. And then there was Ponyville. Somepony once said that Saturdays were never quiet on Ponyville, even before she moved here with Spike. And it seemed like things just kept going. And going. And going.
"I could never get a hang of Saturdays," grumbled Twilight as she went to the door and flung it open. "Okay, who the hay is in trouble today?"
Silence greeted her. A slight, terrible and hopeful thought popped up into her head. Maybe it was over. The endless parade of Saturdays. And yet, as she turned to close the door, a polite voice cleared her throat. "Um, Twilight? I'm sorry it's Saturday," said Fluttershy, keeping Twilight from shutting the door on the latest round of madness.
"It's my fault," said Discord in that insufferably smug tone of his. "Actually it's Fluttershy's but she'll give me such a pinch...!"
"Discord..." Fluttershy warned before Twilight sighed and opened the doors fully. "Well, basically I told Discord he should find a friend."
"A new one?" Echoed Twilight. "Why?"
"She thought I should branch out," said Discord, waggling two oversized " " notes on his fingers. "So I grabbed the first thing across the random dimensions to make friends with!"
"... that is random, even for YOU." said Twilight. "But I suppose it can't be helped. Do you know where this random friend of yours is?"
"We were hoping you could find out?" asked Fluttershy hopefully.
Twilight repressed the urge to groan. "Come on in."
=====
Bastion was confused.
Sure, this place was nice. It definitely beat living in a forest for a long time, not that he really had any worry about living in a forest. Ganymede fluttered around, being his eyes and ears as the bird soared overhead and buzzed a napping owl. Said owl hooted reproachfully as Ganymede chirped a reply. Satisfied that it was Saturday, Owlowiscious tucked in for a longer nap. His owner could handle this newcomer. Oh and his 300 lb robot person... thing. Yeah.
Bastion was nearing the outskirts of Ponyville by now, and passerby could note his heavy footsteps. Though not as heavy as one would imagine, the clank, clank, clank of his feet could be heard against the ground as Ganymede fluttered around.
His reception was mixed. Some ponies noticed him and went on their way. A elderly pony tipped his bowler hat at him. A mare with eyes going in different directions buzzed around Bastion, making him spin in a full 360 degrees on his waist swivel before she called out, "Sorry, my bad!" and subsequently crashed into a nearby bush.
Bastion's sensors and Ganymede's reassuring chirping allowed Bastion to be at ease, as the mare pulled herself out of the bush, deposited two letters and flew away on an unsteady course.
A trio of fillies zoomed past Bastion with the sound of a small motorcycle, and Bastion was surprised. What was this all about? How did the fillies make such a small, mobile engine? On further examination, the lead orange filly's wings were making the noise. Satisfied, although curious, he began to tromp after them, through the middle of Ponyville where he got odd stares, looks, curious shrugs and Dr. Hooves held up his pocket watch.
"Must be Saturday again," he said, and ponies around him laughed and went about their business.
Bastion was, of course, unaware of the crowd's relaxed stance on this. Problems in Ponyville never lasted, and could usually be solved within thirty minutes. It was very rare that an issue went over to an hour. Either or, friendship problems were usually high on the list of things that didn't worry the populace, as they were due for something else on the day to day rotation of Weird Stuff.
The fillies stopped for a moment as Apple Bloom, who sported a bow in her hair asked, "What's on the agenda?"
"I thought you had the agenda?" asked Sweetie Belle, the purple and pink maned filly turning to Scootaloo who checked her pack.
"Great, we lost the agenda," groaned Scootaloo.
Crunch, went Bastion's foot and he looked down. There was a binder, almost mashed into the ground as the fillies turned towards him, equal looks of surprise and awe on their faces. Bastion reached down and peeled the notebook off the imprint on the ground.
Slowly, he approached the group, and with one hand, offered it to the fillies who took it. "Thanks, uh, whatever y'are," said Apple Bloom.
"Hey look at it's paws," said Scootaloo. "They're so big, and so cool!"
"I've never seen somepony like this before," said Sweetie Belle. "Hey, do you think this is something from the Everfree Forest?"
Bastion made a curious noise, like a musical note and Sweetie Belle giggled. "It can make music too!"
"I dunno if it's a Everfree critter," said Apple Bloom. "Hey, it's got paws, five toes right? What if it's one of those hoo-mans that Miss Heartstrings talks about?"
"You mean humans," Said Scootaloo, but she drew out the heu as a hewww. "It's gotta be. I mean look at it. Five toes, a head, legs...!"
"So this is a human huh? Cool! We should bring it to Princess Twilight." said Sweetie Belle.
"Why should we? If we do, she'll just sent it back through that magic mirror that nopony is supposed to know about but totally does," said Scootaloo with a grin. "Besides, I want to set a record!"
"Yeah! If we can exceed the record, we'll go down in history!" Exclaimed Apple Bloom, excited.
Bastion beep-booped uncertainly. Record? For what?
"Yeah! The longest a friendship problem lasted was 42 minutes!" added Sweetie Belle. "You think if we draw this out to an hour we'll get into the World Records?"
"It's got to work!" Exclaimed Scootaloo.
"All right girls, lets get to it! C'mon mister human!" Exclaimed Apple Bloom, gesturing for Bastion to follow, which he did with no measure of bewilderment.
"Cutie Mark Crusaders Friendship Problem Record Holders Go!" Chorused the trio as Bastion let out a triumphant whistle to punctuate their proclamation.
=====
Discord was bored.
It wasn't to say that he didn't revel in making Twilight's life hard just a wee bit, but the Spirit of Chaos was more than a little dulled down by Fluttershy keeping him in check. Of course he willingly went along with Fluttershy's gentle, if firm, prodding to get him to answer.
"Again, no I didn't target anything, I just summoned randomly. I'm pretty sure whatever I brought here has yet to start trouble it's only been..." He looked at his watch which looked like an oversized sundial mixed with a full mechanical ringing bell contraption. The front opened up and a tiny Discord proclaimed "AWOOGAH!". "Been six and a half minutes since I summoned it. Ergo, it's being handled, and it has yet to burn down Ponyville."
The distant roll of thunder made Fluttershy look up. "Thunder?"
"There's no clouds outside," said Twilight. "What do you suppose...?"
Spike went over to the window and opened it up. Cranning his neck out, he listened as the faint noise of echoing thunder rolled across the plains. "It's coming from the plains headed to the badlands."
"We're not due for thunder for the next five days," said Starlight, checking the newspaper. "I think we've found your pony."
"Oh that isn't thunder," said Discord with a slight glee on his face, coupled with a minor chord of terror in his tone. "That my friends is a machinegun."
"... What... did you..." Twilight had gone pale for a moment, having learned about these terrifying things from Sunset Shimmer. Before she could explode into a full blown panic attack, Discord tapped her head and motioned for her to breathe. Doing so, Twilight could think through the haze of terror. "Okay, no panic. Everypony? Lets go and find this thing. Pony. Person. Whatever. Before it shoots more."
"Gotcha. Uh, Twilight? What's it shooting exactly?" asked Spike.
"We'll get to that when we cross that bridge." said Twilight, hurrying out the door.
=====
"Loud," complained Sweetie Belle. "But cool!"
"Did you see how fast his crossbow shot?" exclaimed Scootaloo, motioning and making pew pew noises as Bastion lowered his rifle. Several old rusty cans that were set up were now smoking pieces of tin as the children had goaded Bastion into hitting the tin cans with his "crossbow". "I want one of those!"
"So our new friend person has a crossbow strapped to his hoof," said Apple Bloom. "Throwin' rocks seems kinda unbalanced for a game."
"I'm sure we can make it cooler though!" Exclaimed Scootaloo, fishing out another empty tin can. "Hey, new guy!"
Bastion looked up and Scootaloo pitched the can up into the air. He immediately locked on and trick shotted the can. Once. Twice. Three times.
"That was awesome! Can you do anything else?" asked Scootaloo as the can landed with a emoji carved into it in the shape of a face with an open mouth of surprise.
Bastion beep booped and turned towards the rock face. Transforming into sentry mode to the fillies delight, he started firing into the rock face. The rock was pulverized by the rapid fire shots of his weapon, and Bastion stopped to reload.
When the dust settled, Bastion returned to Recon mode and Apple Bloom whistled. Have A Nice Day was scribbled across the rock face. "Coooooooool," echoed the three fillies.
"He can even turn into a crossbow!" Exclaimed Scootaloo. "He is so much cooler than most ponies."
"Cooler than Rainbow Dash?" asked Sweetie Belle slyly.
Scootaloo snorted. "Nope, not even. Rainbow Dash is cooler than our new hew-man friend."
"Oh yeah? What if our hooman friend can jump across... um, a canyon?" challenged Apple Bloom.
"Don't be ridiculous, he's too heavy!" Exclaimed Scootaloo. "Look, there's a minor canyon now, it's not that far down. If he could jump it, I'll pay for tomorrow's dinner at the hayburger place."
"Deal!" chorused the two as Sweetie Belle turned to Bastion. "Um, Mister Human sir? Can you jump that ledge and make it to the other side?"
Bastion turned towards the ledge. His map, having scanned the area locally gave him the approximate height of distance, maximum load and he nodded. With a whistle that sounded like the charge theme, he transformed, his body swivelling around until he was a short, squat device with a long cannon on the front. "Cool," said Sweetie Belle.
"He became a scooter!" Exclaimed Scootaloo, jumping on, the girls following. Ganymede chirped his concern and Bastion reassured him with a doot of his own.
Circling around on his treads, Bastion made a countdown noise as he zoomed towards the ledge at full speed. He picked up speed in the short distance and then making the leap, he spun around at full speed and fired. Smoke and fire belched from his cannon as the explosion rocketed the group up and over the canyon, the group taking a moment to whoop as they soared over the canyon in a picturesque tableau.
=====
"What was THAT?!" Exclaimed Twilight as the explosion rocked the canyon.
"Hmm, a mortar, at least 20cm in diameter discharging in short range," said Discord, earning a concerned look from the others. "What? I have hobbies!" He defended. "Mostly hobbies of the chaotic side."
"Oh I hope they're all right," said Fluttershy as she followed behind. "Should we catch up?"
A second resounding explosion was heard and the cries of glee from the fillies could be heard on the wind. "I think that's prudent," said Twilight, charging up a teleportation spell. "C'mon, I'll teleport us up."
=====
"That. Was. AWESOME!" Chorused the trio. "Our new human friend is so cool!"
Getting off with excited, if shaky hooves, the girls spilled off Bastion with a giggle as he returned to Recon mode. "Lets hit some more targets!" Added Sweetie Belle.
Apple Bloom lugged the next target into view, a oversized tin can. "Okay Mister Human, let er rip!"
Bastion reloaded and took aim. He fired several times and the slugs ripped through the tin can. Immediately, soup began to pour from the insides, a bright red color. Bastion let out a distressed wail as he stumbled back and landed on his aft.
"It's okay, it's just soup!" Exclaimed Apple Bloom, rushing up to Bastion who seemed to be having a panic attack. Ganymede twittered rapidly, trying to soothe his friend as Bastion remembered.
He remembered Eichenwalde. He remembered the tireless march against the Germans and their allies. The scream of airplanes crashing around them, the gunfire, the yelling soldiers, the shields that withered against the damage...!
Bastion's blue optics flickered to red, and slowly he sat up.
"Hey, Mister Human? Are you okay?" Asked Scootaloo as she carefully walked up to him.
Bastion did not reply, how could he? But then the chirping of Ganymede cut through his senses as the bird landed onto his hand. Chirping rapidly, Bastion remembered.
He remembered the kindness. The wonder of the outdoors. He wasn't just a killer robot... he was Bastion.
Slowly, the red flickered to blue and Bastion did a whistle in affirmative. The fillies smiled. "Thank goodness you're all right," said Apple Bloom in relief. "What happened?"
"I think he has PSLD," said Sweetie Belle thoughtfully. "Wait, I mean PTSD."
"What the hay does that stand for?" asked Scootaloo.
"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," said Sweetie Belle in explanation. "I read it once that ponies who go through traumatizing things can respond in different ways to flaring up of anxiety or stress."
"You learned that from Princess Twilight's books right, Sweetie Belle?" asked Apple Bloom.
"Yeah I did. Amazing what you get to read when you're studying magic," said Sweetie Belle as she leaped onto Bastion's lap. The Omnic made a quizzical noise as she smiled. "It's okay, we'll get you the help you need."
"Maybe we should clean up here too," said Scootaloo, looking over at the destroyed cans, the leaking soup can and the wall which still sported Have A Nice Day scribbled on it.
As the fillies went to clean up, the sound of rushing wind and a ponies teleportation flickered in behind them as Princess Twilight, Discord and Fluttershy appeared in a rush of air. "Girls! Are you okay? AH what's that?!"
"That? That's not a that, that's a person!" Exclaimed Apple Bloom hotly.
"Yeah, he's our new human friend!" Added Scootaloo as Sweetie Belle walked up to the befuddled group.
Discord broke into uproarious laughter. "Human? My dear fillies, that's not a human at all! That, is a robot."
"A wot now?" asked Apple Bloom as Sweetie Belle added, "He's hurt. Inside. He's traumatized, Princess Twilight. Can't you make him better?"
"Princess powers don't work like that," said Twilight, feeling sad as the Omnic, still sitting, regarded the group curiously and a fair bit of caution. "What's his name?"
A answering chirp came from the bird Ganymede as Fluttershy perked up. "Oh yes? Uh huh, I see!" Turning to the others she said, "This is Ganymede, and his friend is named Bastion."
Bastion waved with a free hand in an almost shy manner. Talking animals was still a novelty to him, but the signal he had been following was from some sort of Gorilla person.
"He says they're from Earth, from the forests of Eichenwalde," added Fluttershy, translating for the group. "The poor thing was through a war, and he just recovered a few months ago."
"Not surprised, humans are always fighting somewhere," said Discord with a roll of his eyes. "Still I suppose I should put him back where he belongs."
"Wait! You can't just leave him in a forest back where he came from," protested Apple Bloom.
"Yeah! He has P-something-something other and he needs to get better!" added Scootaloo.
"PTSD. I know it's not your expertise but can't you get him some kind of help?" added Sweetie Belle as the girls gave the adults a wibbly look. Even Bastion seemed surprised at how forceful the cuteness was.
"Well..." said Discord finally, crumbling against his friends. "I suppose I could make... one more friend...?"
Approaching Bastion who regarded the draconequuis with caution, Discord cleared his throat as he tried to make the words come. "I... Discord, Spirit of Chaos and all things fun, brought you here... to make..." He looked at Fluttershy who nodded. Turning back to Bastion he said, "Make friends. Will you... try with me?"
And holding out his paw, Bastion regarded it before slowly, reaching out with his free hand and grasping it. "Doot doot doot," said Bastion in the affirmative and Ganymede translated for Fluttershy.
"He said... yes." said Fluttershy.
At that moment, Discord's watch rung with a theme as he checked it. "Fourty-seven minutes," he proclaimed. "Congratulations girls, you made your record!"
"All right!" Chorused the trio as Twilight looked bewildered. "What record?"
"We wanted to make a record for a friendship problem to be solved!" Exclaimed Apple Bloom.
"And now that we did, we're sure to get into the World Records for longest friendship problem!" Added Scootaloo.
"Oh marvelous!" Chortled Discord, taking out a camera. "Everyone gather around so I can take a picture!"
Still bewildered, Twilight joined the group as everyone piled in around Bastion. Discord sidled up to Bastion and held out the camera on an elongated arm. "Say cheese!"
=====
A week later, Bastion felt incredibly relaxed.
The town had accepted him being there, instead of being regarded as a dangerous weapon. The therapist listened to him, as Ganymede translated through the honey-colored pony that was Fluttershy to his woes.
Introductions had been made to the group that Twilight considered friends, and a meeting with the Princesses had deemed him a gentle soul.
As Bastion sat on the porch of the new home he had been provided, Ganymede soaked up the last remains of the sunlight as he tucked into Bastion's shoulder. Not all of the overgrowth had been removed, but what remained was for his first and closest friend.
Bastion had purpose once more. To safeguard these ponies should danger rise in their lands. And now that he was able to work on his own demons, he could find friends.
The air shimmered as Discord winked into view. "Bastion my good friend," he said with a jovial tone. "You're just in time for tonight's little game! I think it's time you made some friends too!"
Bastion made a quizzical noise as Discord whisked them away. And he found himself dressed in some sort of squire outfit as Spike the Dragon, Bic Mac and Discord wore costumes. The inside of the castle had been converted into a paper-and-cardboard layout and Bastions normally lethal weaponry was whisked away in favour for cardboard arms. "Welcome Bastion to Oubliettes and Ogres," exclaimed Spike grandly. "It's just us tonight, so feel free to have some fun with us!"
As the dice rolled and the armies advanced, Bastion chirped a happy noise as he and his friends defended the land against cardboard minions. Perhaps yes, he had found his place. And with the way Discord smiled and hollered in triumph, it seemed to had found something new too.
