Adventurer for Hire

by OcelotsRevolver

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Thriller, Original Character, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Adventure
Length: 3505

A human stranded in Equestria uses his wits and some dangerous toys to complete dangerous jobs across the country.

I have done a lot of things during these past five years I've been stranded in Equestria, some good and some bad. Lately I have taken up the occupation of Adventurer, traveling the land and solving any problems a pony can think of, provided they can pay of course. Lucky for me, my newest client lives a very... interesting life.

This is my first foray into a serious work of writing, so do not take it too seriously. I hope that you all are at least somewhat entertained! Gore warning for possible wound descriptions.

Published 2016-11-22 00:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-05-09 20:04:10 UTC

Prologue-Suns Out, Guns Out

Prologue-Sun’s Out, Guns Out

San Palomino Desert, Equestria
20 Miles from Dodge City

The carriage thundered across the open desert, kicking up a cloud of dust high into the sky. The ponies pulling the carriage were dead tired, almost ready to give up and stop for some much deserved water. They dared not slow their pace however, as the consequences of doing so far outweighed the benefits.

One of the pullers craned his head around to catch sight of any pursuers, then quickly pulled back behind the safety of the carriage right before a bolt of magic came whizzing past, coming within inches of right ear.
The puller then turned to look at the carriage and called out to the odd figure perched on the roof.

“Hey, you good for nothing minotaur reject, I ain’t payin you to sit up there and look pretty! Do your job and guard us!”

The figure lifted his head away from his strange weapon, one made of wood and metal, and flashed an annoyed look at the pony. “Hold your horses Wells,I need them to be closer. This isn’t as easy as it looks, especially when you guys keep hitting every damn rock in this desert!”

Wells grumbled out a short rebuttal and turned back to the task at hoof, that of keeping the carriage and its contents away from the bandits currently attempting to steal it.

Wells was the owner of the largest, and only, currency transportation company in southern Equestria, was no stranger to robbery and knew how to keep any small time thieves from messing with his clients assets. However, a few weeks ago he had received word that the infamous Horseshoe Creek gang was targeting his next shipment to the Dodge City bank. Knowing the gang's reputation for getting away with the money, Wells began to seek out somepony willing and able to guard his transport.

Unfortunately for Wells, there was a shortage of ponies willing to go hoof to hoof with a gang that was also known for leaving those who fought back against them buried up to their necks in the middle of the desert. When the creature, or ‘human’ as he called himself, volunteered to do the job, Wells had been willing to accept a kitchen sponge as a guard.
Now he was regretting the decision immensely.

“Serves you right, hiring some thing off the goldurn street. At the very least I won’t have to worry about paying him.” he thought.
CRACK!

Wells jumped, startled and deafened by what sounded like a cannon emanating from the carriage roof.
What in the name of Faust was THAT?! thought Wells as he turned his head again to investigate the source of the noise. He watched as the human pulled back on a small lever attached to his weapon, push it forward, then pull another lever along the bottom. The device emitted yet another cannon like boom and Wells folded his ears to protect his hearing from further damage.

Glancing back at the pursuing gang, Wells was astonished to see one of them go down, stumbling a few feet then collapsing into the desert sand.

Hot dog! Wells thought, grinning from ear to ear. Looks like he was a sound investment after all!

Wells was soon pulled out of his reverie however, when he saw what lay ahead of him.

“Sweet Celestia!” exclaimed his partner. “I ain’t ever seen a dust wall that big before!”

Wells was inclined to agree with him. The sand storm seemed to stretch across the horizon, swallowing the entire desert. Unfortunately, the group was still being pursued, which left Wells with one option.

“We’ll have to go inside.” he stated with a resolution that effectively masked the terror the idea sparked in him.

“Are you nuts, boss?!” exclaimed Wells’ partner. “That storm is gonna rip us to pieces!”

“I agree with him.” called the human from the top of the carriage. “Plus, if we go in there we’re going to lose visibility on the rest of the gang.”

“They’ll lose us as well.” Wells responded. “Fargo and I can’t keep this up much longer, so the only way we’ll get out of this mess is to go into that storm, hunker down, and wait it out. Hopefully they’ll be long gone by the time it’s over.”

The human looked at the approaching storm wall, gritted his teeth, and sighed. “Alright, let’s do it.”

Wells then looked over to Fargo, who gave a resolute, if slightly shaky, nod. The pair then charged ahead towards the encroaching storm, hoping against hope that this wasn’t the wrong decision.

Wells gaged as the flying sand filled his mouth for perhaps the billionth time since entering this Celestia forsaken storm. He regretted not bringing a mask of some kind, but deliberately running in a dust storm hadn’t been a high priority when considering packing.

The plan was to move as far into the storm as possible in order to make it as far into the cloud of dust as possible so as to make it hard to follow them with any certainty. The further they went in, the more confidant Wells got in escaping their pursuers.

However, nothing ever goes according to plan and Murphy was planning something especially devious for the group of luckless money movers. Wells felt it first. The entire left side of the carriage dropped to one side, shifting the considerable weight of the gold and thus the entire carriage to one side. This imbalance sent the carriage past the point of no return into an uncontrollable tumble. As the vehicle began to turn over, Wells heard the human cry out a sharp explicative before abruptly falling silent. Wells himself barely got out a word before his harness snapped his head back and everything went black

Wells saw two things we he woke up. One was brilliant blue sky. And the second was the face of an incredibly scary looking pony. He sported black fur, a sandy blond mane, a cruel sneer that suggested a great deal of violence. His cutie mark was obscured behind a brown duster. His mark was not required for identification however. This was a face that had graced many of the most wanted posters across the south. Known only as The Colt, he was the leader of the Horseshoe Creek gang.

“Welcome back to the land of the living Mr Wells.” he said, sneer growing wider. “Come on and join your friend.”

Two gang members grabbed Wells with their magic and roughly dragged him over to where the battered Fargo lay against the overturned carriage.

“I have to say, you fellas put up one heck of a fight. Or at least your friend did. Where is he by the way?”

“Under here probably.” Wells stated, patting the carriage.

“Ahh, that’s a shame.” said The Colt. “I had such a nice burial set up for him. Anyway it’s about time me and the colts split. With the loot of course.”

Wells sighed and dropped his head into his hooves. He didn’t care anymore. At this point there was nothing he could do. Might as well give up and let them rob him into bankruptcy.

Wells watched with apathy as one of the gang members climbed onto the overturned carriage and began prying open the door. Suddenly there was a bang similar to the cannon noise from earlier and the pony jerked back, falling to the ground with a large hole in his barrel.

“What the?!” cried The Colt “Somepony get in there and stop--”

Three more loud bangs echoed from inside the carriage, blowing large chunks out of the wood. The very alive and pissed off human then kicked out the bottom panel and proceeded to attack the gang with a different L-shaped device. The human managed to bring down the two remaining gang members, leaving The Colt as the last one standing. Wells gaped at the display, jaw practically touching the ground.

“H-How…” he stammered.

“Kept you waiting didn’t I?” the human said with a smirk before approaching the stunned Colt. “So, you're the boss of these scumbags?”

“ Yeah, I guess I am. Or was. Let me guess this is the part where you give me a righteous speech about good and evil, then put me in a shallow grave?”

“Nope. This is the part where I deliver some karmic payback.”

“Huh?” Colt asked with a confused frown.

“Got a shovel?” the human said with the biggest shit eating grin Colt had ever seen. That grin was perhaps the scariest thing he had ever seen in his entire life.

“ You ain’t gettin away with this, you hear me?!” shouted the infamous, and now buried, highway robber.

“Yea yea.” the human responded with a dismissive wave of the hand. He quickly approached Wells and Fargo and helped them to their hooves.

“Are you both okay?” he asked.

“As okay as I can be after a display like that.” Fargo responded with a weary tone.

"I'm fine" replied Wells.

“Well that was a rush wasn’t it?” The human said letting a smile creep onto his face.

“I guess it was.” said Wells with a similar smile.

Wells then turned to the destroyed carriage and sighed. “Well gentlecolts, this cash won’t get itself to Dodge. Let’s get goin’.”

The human sat back in the chair and let out a contented sigh. After the craziness of that last job, it was nice to just relax and drink a well deserved glass of water. Hearing the tinkle of the entrance bell, he turned to see Wells entering the bar.

“Hey Wells. Any problems?”

“Nah. Just a little confusion as to why we were humping it all in on hoof.”

The human chuckled at the thought. “So I guess that this is where we part ways.”

“ Yep. With the Horseshoe Creek gang out of commission, I won’t have much need of your services anymore.”

“Well I wasn’t planning on staying in this area much longer anyway. Guess this is just as good an excuse to move on as any.”

“That’s a shame.” said Wells with a slight frown. “I’ve grown to somewhat enjoy your company. Given any thought to where you’re going?”

“Thinking up towards Canterlot. Hear that area has been having a lot of monster issues lately. Should be able to make a decent living clearing monster bounties.”

“Well I hope it works out for you.” Wells said with a smile. “And if you’re ever in the area again, get in touch. Celestia knows I owe ya.”

“I might just take you up on that offer.” the human replied. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a card and handed it to Wells.

“If you ever need to contact me for a job or something, just attach a message to this card and burn it. I should come running.”

The human then chugged his drink and slapped a few bits onto the table. “It was fun working with you Wells. See ya ‘round.” With that, the human stood and walked out of the bar.

“That guy sure is a character.” Wells said with a small laugh. “I never did get his name though.”

Remembering the card the human had given him, Wells picked it up and turned it over to read the gold font across the front.

Jackson Mcmanamen
Gunslinger Extraordinaire
Adventurer for Hire
Payment Negotiable
Fin

Author's Note

So what do you think? Feel free to leave any advice below. I would love to improve on this story any way I can.

Chapter 1-Fresh Off the Train

Dear Diary
Captains Log
Sup Book
Dear Mom

Sorry for all the weird intros, I kinda grabbed this thing from the Dodge City station at the last minute. Though, the likelihood of you reading any of these "letters" is slim so I might as well write whatever the hell I want right? Any who, I bet you're a little curious as to what I have been doing the last five years, especially since I've probably been declared legally dead and all. Well first off, I have most certainly not sleeping the eternal sleep, in fact I'm more alive now than I ever have been. I've lost weight and gained some muscle since I've arrived here, but that's expected due to what I do for a living. You see, I've set myself up as a Freelancer, an "adventurer" if you will.

"But what is a Freelancer?" you may be asking yourself. Well I'm glad you asked totally real mother! A Freelancer is a pony (or human in my case) who travels the country preforming various tasks advertised on Job Boards. This can range from monster hunting to getting a kitten out of a tree, and as long as the client is willing to pay, we will complete the job. Is it dangerous? Oh yea. Does it pay obscene amounts of money? Of course (though much of my earnings go towards certain..."expenses" shall we say). Don't worry about me though, I can take care of myself pretty well. Plus, there is a Freelancer's guild that provides a ton of support with lodgings, food, etc.

Now, you may have caught my mention of ponies. I may have forgot to mention that while I'm not dead, I'm certainly not on Earth anymore. It seems that I have found myself in a world populated by sentient horses, or "ponies" as they prefer, along with mythical creature like minotaurs and griffins. It was really weird at first, but eventually you get used to the candy colored horses and Greek myths as far as the eye can see.

Look, I know this would be a shock for you to know after everything that happened, but if you take anything from this, it should be that I am alive and thriving. So don't worry okay? Just take care of the others and know that your oldest is doing well for himself.

Your Best Son,

Jackson
P.S. You remember all those guns you told me were a waste of money? Well you're eating those words now!

Satisfied with his work, the man snapped the journal closed and placed it in his duffel bag. Resting his head on his hand, he then lazily watched the sage brush rush by with blinding speed.

Slowly, a grin formed on his face. "Look out Ponyville, here I come."

Twilight Sparkle started awake at the load knocking coming from her door.

"Yes?" she called, still trying to shake off the tiredness that comes from being abruptly woken.

"Ma'am, Spike says breakfast is ready." replied the knocker.

"Okay. Tell him that I'll be down in ten minutes."

"Yes ma'am." stated the voice. Twilight then listened as the speaker retreated down the hall to inform Spike of her imminent arrival.

With a yawn, Twilight turned off the reading light and pushed her chair away from the desk. She then stumbled towards the bathroom to "take care of business" and make herself somewhat presentable. After all, a princess needed to look their best, especially when looking to hire some new help.

Spike stared at Twilight as she stared blankly at the stack of pancakes before her.

"Uhh Twi? Are you okay?" he asked with concern.

Twilight's head snapped up. "Oh! Yes I'm fine Spike. Just a little tired is all."

"You were up all night again weren't you." Spike stated, giving Twilight a look.

She sighed. "Yes. I'm just worried about today. Everything needs to go exactly as planned, otherwise it could be a disaster! I mean what if we accidentally hire an assassin! Or an alien! Or an alien assassin!"

Spike chuckled at Twilight's antics. "Calm down. You're just hiring another bodyguard. Nothing crazy is going to happen."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "We live in Ponyville. Crazy is kind of the town slogan."

"Fair point, but you have to admit, it has been pretty quiet lately"

"Plus, if anything does happen, I will be there to keep an eye on you" stated a new voice.

Twilight turned toward the newcomer. "Good morning Misty"

"Good morning ma'am" Misty stated, snapping off a quick salute. "How did you sleep ma'am?"

"I slept good Misty. And you don't have to call me ma'am. Just call me Twilight. The whole ma'am thing makes me feel old"

"Just trying to be polite ma... err Twilight. Old habits from selection die hard I guess"

That's right Twilight thought. She was the first satyr to ever make it through the Royal Guard personal protection course.

"That's okay. I know that habits are hard to break"

"Indeed they are ma'am"

"So what's the schedule for today?" Twilight asked as she began to dig into her breakfast.

"Well the candidates should be arriving for the interviews around noon. After that you have a meeting with the town council about revamping the tax code and providing more funds to education"

"Don't forget that Fluttershy wants to see you something too" Spike added.

"Seems like we have a full day today. We should probably start setting up for interviews" Twilight said as she polished off her last pancake.

"Yes ma'am." Misty stated. She fired off another salute and strode out of the room.

"I really wish she would stop using ma'am. She's worked here for what, three months now?" Twilight asked with a sigh.

"Give it some more time Twi" Spike said. "She isn't going to loosen up like that overnight"

"You're right Spike. As usual" she said with a grin and playfully rubbed his head.

"Of course I am. I'm a dragon after all"

"Well wise one, you might want to go check on the rest of the pancakes" Twilight said with a grin.

Spike sniffed the air. "Oh Hayseed!" he cried as he ran to snuff out the flames consuming the once fluffy discs.

Twilight giggled at this, then turned to look out the nearby window. I can already tell she thought. Today is going to be an interesting day.

Meanwhile

The pony behind the ticket counter watched as a train slowed to a stop at the Ponyville station. Being as this was one of the early trains, few ponies were waiting and even fewer got off. Those that were stepping out on to the platform however, had a curious expression on there faces. Soon the reason for their expressions made itself apparent. The creature looked a lot like a minotaur, but had a flatter face and a much different lower half. The pony watched, open mouthed, as the not-minotaur dropped his heavy looking bag with a metallic thunk and stretched his long arms out and up over his head. Satisfied, the creature then picked up his bag and approached the counter.

"Excuse me" he asked. "Do you know were I can find the local bounty board?"

"U-um, Its n-next to Sugar C-Cube C-Corner. The big gingerbread house at the center of town, you can't miss it" stammered the confused stallion. This thing is a Freelancer? he thought.

"Thanks a bunch!" replied the creature, flashing a smile. He then trotted off in search of the board.

The stallion was completely dumbstruck. While Ponyville rarely got any exotic visitors, that wasn't what threw him for a loop. It was that smile. While it had seemed intended as a calming measure, the stallion didn't get a calm feeling from it. In fact, that smile made the creature seem dangerous.

Jackson stared at the board and grimaced.

"Damn. I thought for sure that there would be search and destroy missions for monsters" he mumbled to himself. "And all the available jobs are boring and low paying."

He sighed and began to turn away from the board when some thing caught his eye. "Hello, what do we have here?"

He stepped back to the board and ripped off a poster left partially buried by newer ones and read it aloud.

"Body guard wanted. Will be working directly for Princess Twilight Sparkle. Requirements: Good physical and mental health, combat skills, ability to work with others, ability to work strange hours, and must be good with pets. Salary is..."

Jackson's eyes nearly popped out of his head as he stared at the very large number printed on the poster. "Holy crap that's a lot of bits" he stated.

Looking further down the poster he noticed something else. "All candidates will be screened prior to selection. Those wishing to be interviewed must report to Ponyville Castle by noon on the fifteenth of August. Wait that's today!"

Jackson glanced down at his watch. "Looks like I a few hours. Might as well get there early"

With that, the human took off at a jog towards a new job and his destiny.

Author's Note

Whoo-wee that took a while. Sorry for the long wait, I am just not motivated. I hope you enjoy this second chapter and let me know if anything needs fixing below.