The First and Only Chapter
“Ahhhh…”
Even though there were a lot of things in life that Twilight enjoyed, it was hard to think of one that was more pleasing than that first sip of hot cider on a cool night. Of course, being nestled under a blanket with a new book was certainly a worthy contender. While the Princess savored the serenity of being alone in the library of her castle, she used her magic to place her mug down before beginning the first chapter. “Okay, let’s see. Chapter One: Weight on my Wings…”
Twilight was able to read exactly five words of her book before a loud crash made her jolt from her spot on the floor with a yelp. With the fur on her back sticking up like a petrified housecat, the Alicorn was in an attack-ready pounce before seeing who was at the crystal door. Of course, her stance lowered as soon as she saw who bounced in through the doorway.
“Heya, Twilight!” chirped Pinkie with her usual smile, seemingly unaware of how she nearly broke the door off its hinges with that exuberant entrance. The pink mare hopped into the library with a spring in her step while asking, “Whatcha doing?”
Despite not wanting to be interrupted, Twilight merely sighed and answered, “Well, I was planning to have a night to myself tonight. Spike is off in Canterlot for Royal business, so I figured I could sit in and read a book without any interruption.”
“Ohhhhh…” Pinkie’s brows raised as she nodded in understanding. Even though she wanted to see if Twilight wanted to do something fun, like seeing who could eat the most raw cookie dough in a minute (something she strangely didn’t get many bets on), the mare shrugged her shoulders and replied. “Oh, alright then. I won’t bother you if you wanna relax.”
Twilight smiled. “Thank you, Pinkie Pie.”
“Buuuuuut,” added the mare in a high-pitched tone as her head tilted to the side slowly, “I was wanting to know if you found anything of Maud’s around here since she visited a couple weeks ago.”
Twilight’s brows raised slightly. She remembered when Maud visited Ponyville again, and was even thoughtful enough to get a room prepped for her in the castle. While she couldn’t tell if Maud liked it during her stay, Pinkie told her later that she really appreciated Twilight’s hospitality. Heck, shortly after the mare left, Twilight mailed her a rather interesting article about salt deposit minerals outside Dodge Junction, since it seemed like something the rock expert would appreciate.
Twilight got off of her pillow and asked, “What do you mean? Did she leave something in the castle?”
Pinkie shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. She sent me a letter asking if I had her special poetry book at my place. Ooh!” She then reached a hoof into her poofy mane, and pulled out an envelope which she handed over to Twilight. “She also tried to mail this to you, but it was sent to the Golden Oaks address by mistake. I got it from the post office for you.”
“Oh! Ummm, thank you Pinkie.” Despite wanting to ask how Pinkie got a hold of her mail without any identification, Twilight pushed those thoughts aside and took the envelope with her magic. After ripping it open, she read the letter which was typed in a very bland font.
Twilight,
I lost my poetry book. The cover is a sedimentary grey, and weighs approximately 0.064 stones. There is also a symbol on the front.
The book is important to me, so please mail it back to my address if you find it.
-Maud
P.S. - Thank you for the article. Even though I prefer rocks, not minerals.
Twilight sighed bluntly at the simplicity of the letter, although it definitely looked like something Maud would write. Even though she already knew that Pinkie’s sister wasn’t exactly the most… outward pony in Equestria, she was certainly somepony worth looking out for (especially for Pinkie’s sake). After folding the letter back up with her magic, Twilight looked back at Pinkie Pie and asked, “Have you checked around Sugar Cube Corner?”
“Well, duh!” said her friend rather bluntly. “I looked all over the place and couldn’t find it! So, I went to Applejack’s farm first. I looked all over there and couldn’t find it, so I went to Fluttershy’s place. I looked all over there and couldn’t find it, so I went to Rarity’s house. I looked all over there and couldn’t find it, so I went to Rainbow Dash’s place. I looked--”
“Okay Pinkie, I get it.” Even though she didn’t want to be rude and interrupt her friend, Twilight couldn’t take much more as she raised a hoof to shut Pinkie up. “You checked everywhere else, so now you think the book is here, right?”
Pinkie’s head tilted the other way as she looked upward and said, “Weeellllll, I can’t say I checked everywhere else, but yeah.” She looked back at the Princess and nodded before adding, “You have a Lost and Found around here? You really should invest in one.”
“Well, let me see.” Twilight put down the letter down on the table, and then decided to check one of the back rooms that the library had. “I’m sure Spike may have found something if it was lost around here. I just wish he was here to help you out.”
“Oh, no worries,” said Pinkie with a smile and a wave of her hoof. “I’m sure he’s having lots of fun in Canterlot, so I don’t want to be a party-pooper. OOH! I have an idea!” Pinkie ran back to the doorway to leave the library as she yelled out, “You check in here first, and I’ll check the kitchen! Maybe it’s in one of those cakes!”
“Pinkie! Those cakes are for…” Alas, Pinkie was already gone by the time Twilight turned around to warn her friend. The Alicorn groaned with her ears lowered, hoping her friend wouldn’t cause too much damage in her meticulously cleaned kitchen. With any luck those cakes meant for Celestia this weekend could be replaced in time. Not wanting to dwell too much, Twilight sighed and looked in one of the storage rooms.
After flicking a candle on with her magic, Twilight peered inside the dark room which was stacked with various old books and scrolls she hadn’t had the time to arrange yet. Even though organization was one of her favorite hobbies, Twilight knew better than to let it interfere with her royal duties. After looking around the space, the Princess was just about to leave before noticing a box next to the doorway. Peering in closer, Twilight smiled when she read the writing across the side of the box in black ink: Lost & Found.
Twilight blew out her candle, and then lifted up the box with her magic to bring into the library. After looking over to see if Pinkie returned yet, Twilight shrugged and placed the box on one of the vacant reading tables. Due to the much better lighting in this place as opposed to the storage room, Twilight was quick to identify each item as she pulled them out with her magic. One old brown hat, an expired coupon for a free carriage wash, a travel brochure for Las Pegasus, a small plastic bag full of marbles…
And sitting at the bottom of the box was a small book. The cover was a dark grey, most likely the same shade as what Maud described in her letter. On the front of the book, there did appear to be a symbol on it; although, it would’ve been hard to guess it was Maud’s when the symbol was a meticulously-drawn pink heart with a rock inside of it. Upon picking it up with a hoof, Twilight was able to guess that the weight was correct as well.
But one thing that Twilight was surprised by was a detail that Maud didn’t mention in the letter. This book, which was supposedly just a poetry book, had a lock on it.
A lock that was already undone.
Twilight tilted her head in confusion as she noticed that addition. Why would Maud want to lock up her poems for? None of the books that Twilight saw were locked. Was this one different? If so, it’d be hard to guess why since it was most likely monotone “poems” about rocks.
Regardless, the Princess sighed and put the book down on the table without opening it. If the book had a lock, then it was probably really important to Maud and shouldn’t be intruded upon. However, the Princess’ confoundedness only grew the longer she looked at the book and its undone lock.
Twilight’s glance went back to the open door, and her ears twitched as she tried to overhear where Pinkie was. Not hearing a peep from her friend, Twilight’s horn lit as she looked away and whistled, using her magic to close the doors casually. She then bit her lip before making a “stretch” of her hooves, causing Maud’s book to “accidentally” fall to the floor.
“Oh, look what happened!” said the Alicorn in an unconvincingly surprised tone. When she looked down, a small smirk came across her lips at seeing the book opened face-down on the (thankfully clean) floor. Twilight looked around one last time before picking the book up with her magic, making sure it stayed open exactly as it was. “Well, since the book is open now…”
If this was any other time, Twilight would’ve been strongly against doing something like this. However, considering that this was Maud, the Princess was fairly curious as to what could’ve been in here. Could it be poetry that was legitimately interesting? Did she write about more than rocks? Was Maud just too shy to show her good poetry to her sister’s friends?
Even though Twilight was sure it was just more of the same, some small part of her wanted to check and make sure. So, after sitting back into her pillow, Twilight looked at the page that the book was opened to in her hooves, which was thankfully near the beginning. Of course, her ears pulled down as she made a disappointed whinny at the title of Maud’s “hidden” poem:
Rock
“Ugh,” sighed the Alicorn with her curiosity gone. “I should’ve known…”
However, instead of closing the book and finding Pinkie Pie, Twilight shrugged and decided to read it anyway.
Rock
This is my rock
Grey
Cool
Smooth to the touch
And firm
Like a rock
Which it is
A rock
Cool rock
Smooth rock
Inside of my vagina
Rock
Twilight had her face leaned in against one of her hooves, and it took a few seconds after finishing that poem for her to realize what she just read. Her eyes widened, and she almost shot out of her pillow in a jolt of shock. “WHAT?!”
The Princess peered in closely at the poem, hoping that maybe there was a mistake or misprint. But after reading over that one line several times, Twilight could only blink in befuddlement. Yep. That definitely said ‘vagina.’
Twilight’s jaw hung open, with one of her eyes twitching involuntarily. “Th… There…” Twilight clenched her eyes shut and shook her head before saying to herself, “There’s no way. Maud couldn’t have been serious about that…”
Unfortunately, it seemed that the Alicorn’s assumption was wrong when she peered at the poem on the next page:
Rock Time
Twilight could only utter a worried-sounding “Oh dear,” with a grimace before reading on…
Everyone is out of the house
Rock time has begun
He was sleeping
Like a rock
Which it is
But still happy
Special rock is eager
Even when awoken so soon
And still smooth
Firm
Cold
Deep in my vagina
So big
Feels like I’m riding it
Weeeee...
Firm
Hard against Fleshy
…
I just came
“EWWW!” Twilight dropped the book as she shuddered violently, unable to fathom what she just read. Looking down at the still-open book, Twilight wasn’t sure what detail was worse: That Maud apparently did something like that with her rocks, or that Twilight could clearly hear Maud’s emotionless, solid, never changing voice as she uttered words of rocks in her vagina again and again while never showing the slightest shimmer of feeling on her voice.
However, both both of those options were beat when the Princess noticed a tiny stain at the edge of that page. Yep. That was the worst.
She instantly threw the book down with a frantic yelp. Twilight felt like she was about to throw up, and decided not to touch it with her hooves anymore. After taking a second to catch her breath, she picked the book up with her magic like she should’ve. The mare winced as she saw how many more pages this poetry book had. And after making a quick check, Twilight shuddered with repulsion when she saw almost all of them had poems written in them. She tried to move it back to the page she was originally on, but accidentally stumbled onto a later page:
Rock time again
Boulder is asleep in his box
So I get my special rock
Smooth
Firm
Inside of my vagina again
I see a second rock
Okay
Equally as smooth
I press it against my vaginal lips
...
That was quick
Uh oh. Bolder’s waki
That was when the page ended, probably because Maud had to close her book before finishing the poem. By now, Twilight was legitimately feeling unclean, and decided to place the book back at the table where it should’ve been the whole time. However, after getting out of her pillow with a sickly exhale, Twilight couldn’t resist looking at one of the later pages, just to see if things progressed to anything more than just rocks. She flipped to one of the last entries while walking to the table:
Five Rocks
“OH, COME ON!” yelled the Princess in disgust and exasperation. Nevertheless, despite the bile building up in the back of her throat, Twilight felt compelled to read and see just what the buck Pinkie’s sister did with five rocks.
Rock time is here
Even though I shouldn’t
Oh well
The five rocks are out of my bag
Each one cold
Each one hard
Each one smooth to the touch
All go inside my vagina
Feels good
Crowded
But good
Try not to moan
Find a sixth rock
Bring it to my butt
…
I just came again
Oops
I hope Twilight’s sheets can be cleaned.
Twilight stopped dead in her tracks, her expression turning to a completely stunned look at that last line. After checking the date which was listed at the top of the page, Twilight realized that this was written while Maud was staying here in the castle. That means that…
“UGH!” Twilight dropped the book and covered her face with her hooves, suddenly realizing why Spike asked why the sheets smelled so weird that laundry day. While the alicorn groaned and rubbed her eyes in regret and shame, she unfortunately didn’t realize that Pinkie came back into the library with cake frosting smeared all over her muzzle.
“Is something wrong?” asked Pinkie as she hopped towards her friend. “I thought I heard you yell something and…”
The mare’s words trailed off, and she froze in midair momentarily when she noticed her sister’s book. “Oh great! You found it!
“Pinkie, NO!” Alas, before Twilight could try to pull the book from Pinkie’s hooves, her friend already picked it up and was looking at one of the pages. Twilight gasped silently with a hoof over her mouth as she saw her friend’s eyes widen. Pinkie’s smile began to lessen as well, and she blinked a couple times while reading.
“Wh… What the…”
“Pinkie, I am SO sorry!” pleaded Twilight in a panicked tone after putting her hoof down. “I found the book and saw that the lock was already undone, a-and I dropped it to the floor and then I…”
Realizing how bad this could be, the last thing Twilight wanted to do was lie, which forced her to exhale painfully and add, “Okay, I looked in the book on purpose! And I know I shouldn’t have! Pinkie, I am SO sorry I did that! I swear, if I knew what was inside, I would’ve locked it!”
Pinkie didn’t seem to be listening to her friend that much, and was just continuing to read through the pages in growing shock. She muttered under her breath in a stunned voice, “I… I can’t believe this…”
“Pinkie, I SWEAR!” yelled Twilight in a remorseful tone, “I SWEAR I didn’t mean to read it! And I really didn’t mean for you to see it too! It was a huge mistake, and I don’t want you to judge your sister OR me!”
Pinkie was just reaching to the last few pages, and was shaking her head slightly while her offended expression intensified. “But… but she…”
“Please don’t be mad at her!” pleased Twilight as she tried to rectify her mistake. “This was clearly meant to be private, which it SHOULD be! And I really don’t want you to confront her about what she does to her own bo--”
“But she had ‘Super-Special Rock Time’ WITHOUT ME!”
Twilight stopped dead in her tracks with a new look of confusion. She blinked a couple times with narrowed eyes while staring at the now peeved-looking Pinkie. “Ummm… what?”
“Super-Special Rock Time!” repeated Pinkie in a legitimately angry voice as she looked back at Twilight with the book in her hoof. “That was OUR thing! And she just went and did it by HERSELF?! How selfish of her!”
Twilight’s muzzle gaped open as she tried to comprehend her friend’s words. “WHAT?!”
Pinkie just sighed and began to leave the room. “Thanks for finding out about this, Twi!” She said while placing the book in her mane for safe-keeping. “But if you excuse me, I need to write a letter to Maud about this! She has a LOT of nerve to do sister-things like this by herself!”
With that, the mare disappeared after slamming the doors shut behind her. Meanwhile, Twilight just stood in confoundment, frozen at the spot while struggling to think of a suitable response. After a brief moment of silence in the library, the Princess finally was finally able to say something:
“WHAT THE BUCK?!”
-The End
