Lonely Among Us

Myself, Twilight and Rarity took the train, the guards wanted to use to transport the prisoners. Since the trip was going to take a few hours, Rarity and I started chatting to pass the time.

“... OK, but tuxedo? I’m afraid that won’t work - my armor is integrated into my skin,” I said calmly, as we were discussing the content of the letter Rarity sent me earlier.

“That’s OK darling, we can always think of something else… trust me - I will make you look fabulous no matter what it takes!” she spoke with a smile on her face, almost in a trance, as she smashed her hooves together.

I realized, that for the first time since I met her - we had a chance to talk freely. I quickly learned that she really does speak like a 19th-century lady all the time and that I don't know crap about fashion - guilty as charged on that. It was odd, but I actually enjoyed our silly small talk - not something I usually do. Also, her affection felt real - no Stockholm or whatever syndrome at all - the more we talked, the more I felt like an idiot for what I said to Twilight earlier.

While Rarity and I chatted, Twilight was sitting quietly, staring out the window. “Ahem… I don’t know about you, but I am famished! I will go to the cafeteria and bring us something to eat,” Rarity said calmly, leaving Twilight and me alone.

Perhaps she really was hungry, or maybe she noticed me and the Princess were avoiding looking at each other for some time now - in any case, she was gone.

***

Few minutes had passed - finally I decided to break the silence. “I told you, this will be bloody,” I said coldly, “I don’t understand why you’re mad at me.”

Twilight responded with an indifferent voice, “I am not mad… I am worried.”

“Worried? In what sense?”

There was an awkward silence once again, I could see Twilight was looking for words. Finally, she responded with a shaky voice, “I just don’t understand how you can enjoy…” the alicorn stopped before finishing her sentence.

“...killing? That’s it? That’s what you are worried about? You think I’m some psycho who will go on killing normal ponies once all the bad guys are dead?” I asked with a hint of irritation in my voice.

Twilight didn't respond, but her face said it all - I guess I can’t blame her, I mean - if somebody I knew would enjoy assassinating people, I would probably be worried too.

I sighed loudly and started to explain in a calm voice, “Yes, I do enjoy what I do… I won’t deny it. For me, every bad guy I take out means, I saved ten, twenty or one hundred lives he would have killed… And I always enjoy the look on their faces… But I never took the life of anybody innocent, and I don’t plan to - so don’t worry.”

“I am sorry, but that doesn’t make it any better - I still cannot comprehend how enjoying something like that is possible,” Twilight responded with a sad voice.

I started staring apathetically at the ground, I knew exactly what she meant - many years ago I asked myself the exact same question, and the answer wasn't pleasant. Finally, I responded with a heavy sigh, “I hope you never will, I really do - because that means you haven’t seen enough atrocities of war to be forced to ‘adapt.’ Do you think I was always like this?” I said with a soft voice “No, before the war I was pretty much like Fluttershy…”

Twilight gave me a surprised look. “You? Like Fluttershy? This is hard to believe.”

“I know, right? Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about the kindness of course. But I was an introvert, I always preferred the company of animals instead of people, and I was shy as hell.”

Twilight finally snapped out of her sad mood and was listening to me with interest. It was obvious she was surprised by what she was hearing.

“Then the war started, and I… saw it all - the death, destruction, pain,” my heart was starting to race again, those were bad memories. “Somebody once said: 'The first casualty of war is innocence' - sad, but true. Every few days we witnessed war crimes committed by every side of the conflict. With time my rage grew stronger and stronger… One day we were ordered to ‘clean sweep’ a ‘rebel’ village - except as it turned out, there were no rebels there - only civilians.”

An expression of shock appeared on Twilight's face. “You mean, you…?!”

“NO! Me and my squad refused - but HQ just sent another one. We tried to reason with them… but they just started shooting civilians right in front of us, laughing as they did! It was then, I snapped - I just couldn’t take it anymore… I killed them, and… for the first time I felt… satisfaction - because I knew I rid the world of pure evil. Yeah, I know this sound like philosophical BS, but...” I stopped for a moment, when I realized, I was covered in sweat and shaking a bit.

“Anyway… we were captured, judged and sent to death... Imagine our surprise when instead of the rope, we got a proposition from UNDF - they were looking exactly for people like us - people who would do what's right," I sighed heavily. "But... Victory costs - with every battle we fought, I was changing a little more, until I become what you see before you right now. I could either learn to enjoy what we did or go crazy."

As Twilight saw my body’s response, she sat next to me and put her wing on my shoulder, then responded with an embarrassed and sad voice, “I am sorry... I guess I didn’t realize what you went through...”

Another moment passed in silence as I tried to calm down.

“Twilight, you actually remind me of myself when I was young - an idealist. You see the world as it should be, I, on the other hand, see it as it is. I understand why you didn’t want me to torture that guy - but I can only hope, that when the time comes, you will be able to put your idealism aside for a moment and act, even against your moral judgment.”

She wanted to respond, but before she could - Rarity returned to the train car, with a cart full of food. “Cafeteria on this train is awful! This is the best food I could find I am afraid.”

While we ate, I realized we were getting close to the city.

“I think it’s time - get ready,” I said calmly.

As we passed the city gates, I engaged the train breaks and then we all teleported - deep into the unknown…