Twilight Sparkle and Her Unwanted, Rewritten Love Life

by TheSadisticJudge

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Other, Romance, Trixie, Spike, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6
Length: 40219

Of course, you know the story of The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine; but this spin-off rewrite follows Twilight: an aromantic, smart-alec, antisocial, bookworm, as she tries to hurdle through the challenges that comes with living in Ponyville.

Rewritten with permission from Probable Sarcasm, who confirmed to me that he will no longer continue writing stories. This is an unofficial spin-off rewrite of the fanfiction of the fanfiction, please support the official story's release.

Dusk Shine was born a mare.
Actually, this is a lot more complicated than it was before so let me be careful with my wording here.
Dusk Shine was born a mare; one of the rare, non-royal blooded alicorns that doesn't go out and completely expresses herself like a normal pony would.
This unofficial, rewrite of the spin-off follows the brilliantly smart-mouthed Twilight Sparkle: an antisocial, awkward, non-royal alicorn, unromantic bookworm, and (unbeknownst to her,) a ten on a scale hottie.
All Twilight Sparkle wanted to do was read, relax, and prepare for the never ending apocalypse as the never ending night that Night-Terror Knight will bring.
Much like any character you'd enjoy in King of Thrones, Twilight Sparkle's wishes are killed off when she is forced to leave her home in Canterlot because Prince Solaris sold her home in a game of Texas Hold-Em. Now she must live in a smaller town, named Ponyville, to watch over the Summer Sun Celebration and to make friends.
Unfortunately for her, each of the stallions she was instructed to be acquainted (and everyone else) with ends up falling head over hooves for the new librarian in town with the Canterlis accent.
Is this some sick joke or is Twilight Sparkle really supposed to make friends when everyone in Ponyville keeps fighting for her favor?
(Now with 100% less clop scenes!)

Picture made by Little Pink Alpaca

any and all uses of pictures not belonging to me will be presented with a link to original and rightful artists. PM me for any questions.

Editors and Proofreaders

Kuairu
DrillSaberMax

Published 2016-11-22 01:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-28 18:16:02 UTC

Chapter Two|Skyfall (2/2)

Twilight Sparkle's Unwanted Love Life

By TheSarcasticJudge

Being inside the Everfree Forest isn’t what gave Twilight Sparkle and her party the chills and the sense of importance that made their hearts freeze at every snap of the twig, it was the sheer notion that every second they waste being afraid: it was a second that Nebula had their loved ones – save for Rainbow Blitz, who didn’t really lose anything but the sun.

Twilight Sparkle’s chest felt tight with dread, fog was wafting over them – as if Nebula could strike and impale all six of them like he did with the guards in Town Hall. It seemed that Twilight wasn’t the only one who didn’t share this concern, as Butterscotch and Blitz hovered off the ground, Elusive made every attempt possible to shake off any creeping mist tendril who came too close, and Applejack tried to ignore it but there was still an antsy look in his green eyes.

Twilight’s weapon was…

Her wits and magic, duh, what else would it be? The ability to turn into some kind of crank Gatling gun? Don’t be ridiculous, Twilight Sparkle knows a few disarming and stunning spells. The alicorn knows no lethal spells nor would she even use them – ever.

“Gah! this place is spooky with all this fog,” Blitz commented, “Hey, Sparkle-Butt, why don’t you light the way for us so we aren’t trapped in the dark?”

“I can’t, this place feels like a magical dead zone,” Twilight Sparkle replied, she tried to conjure up an illuminating spell but only a spark was produced. “Troublesome, but we’ll get past this.”

“S-so… y-y-you’re not s-s-scared?” Butterscotch trembled as he spoke, but this made Bubble Berry laugh.

“

“I’m terrified and I’m exhausted,” Twilight Sparkle admitted. “but this guy has Barbra and the rest of them, also Equestria under a deep sleep of unfathomable nightmares for all of eternity. We don’t have the luxury of chickening out.”

The ground underneath Twilight Sparkle shook, like an earthquake. The earth split into two, two tectonic plates crashed into one another in a forced catastrophic shift! It separated Twilight Sparkle and the stallions, as the ground below Twilight Sparkle gave way and crumbled beneath her hooves. Twilight Sparkle screamed in surprise as she scrambled down the rocky incline plane on her back, her hind hooves digging into the dirt as she tries vainly to slow her decent.

“Twilight! Use your wings!” Rainbow Blitz cried as he took off to the sky.

“I don’t know how!” Twilight Sparkle yelled back as she looked in front of her to find an even worse slope she was on.

Applejack reached underneath his hat and pulled out a rope. “Elusive! Tie it ta th’ tree!” Elusive hurriedly tied it to a tree and made it into a knot. Applejack wrapped the rope around him and tied it, he leaped onto a slab of rock and rode it down the rocky and dirty slide of death.

Twilight Sparkle gasped as she neared the edge of the cliff, and screamed shrilly as she went over the side of the cliff.

Applejack leapt off the rock and scrambled down the cliff and snatched up Twilight’s hoof before her upper body left the side of the cliff. Applejack’s hooves dug into the lip of probable death, the only keeping Applejack on the cliff was a root of a tree that was about to capsize.

Snagged onto Applejack’s rope was the same slab Applejack rode down the cliff, and it pulled Applejack over the cliff along with Twilight Sparkle hanging desperately using Applejack’s left hoof. Applejack’s right hoof remained on the root, rope to safety was cut.

“Applejack!” Twilight screamed in hysterical panic, justifiable panic, “What do we do!”

Applejack tried to raise Twilight Sparkle using his sheer strength, but the pressure on the root threatened to snap under the combined weight of the two ponies. Below them was a ravine, rushing water with sharp jagged rocks waited them hungrily with waves lapping at their rocky teeth. Salivating for their next meal of two unfortunate heroes to fall into their famished jaws.

Applejack looked up, seemingly praying before looking back at Twilight Sparkle with an answer. An answer Twilight was not ready to hear just yet.

“Okay, Twi’, listen to me,” Applejack looked Twilight Sparkle in the eyes, his face stone and stoic, his heart was beating irregularly, but his eyes burned with confident. “Let go.” He instructed clearly and calmly.

“ARE YOU FLIPPING MAD?!”

“Ah won’t lie, this situation ain’t exactly a tea party and it looks terrible, but look at me,” Twilight looked up into Applejack’s eyes, “Why in th’ world would Ah ever want somepony – anypony like you ta get hurt?” Applejack didn’t even need to make a trustworthy face because his voice did all the work, but he gave a reassuring smile. Twilight gaze at Applejack, and Applejack gazed at her. Imminent death was shadowing her and if there was anything that Twilight wanted to see for the last two longest moments of her life – it would be Applejack.

“Ah would never steer you wrong,” Applejack released his grip, Twilight Sparkle still grasped at his hoof. “Do you trust me?”

“I do,” Twilight Sparkle whispered barely above a breath. “Damn those beautiful eyes of yours.” Twilight Sparkle released her grip and descended into the jaws of death, leaving Applejack to wonder about her words and the implications behind them. Did she like his eyes or did she like him? Wow, all of this is so sudden, too much to take in.

Twilight Sparkle also realized the slip of her tongue and thought this was the best case scenario of what she wanted to happen right about now—however, Rainbow Blitz and Butterscotch plucked Twilight right out of the sky. Rainbow Blitz then relieved himself of saving Twilight to Butterscotch as Blitz dive-bombed to catch a patiently waiting Applejack and escort him to safety.

“Okay, we get it Blitz, you saved her,” Elusive acidly spoke after the forty-seventh time Rainbow Blitz bragged about being the one to save Twilight Sparkle’s flanks. Although if it was anyone who saved Twilight Sparkle, it was surely Applejack who deserved the credit.

There was a light, an orb of light that presented itself out of the mist from Solaris-knows-where. It was orange, and it unsurprisingly attached itself to the chest of Applejack. Twilight Sparkle gasped and immediately, the stallions formed a circle around Twilight to block her from AJ.

“What?” Applejack looked down at the spherical glowing orb on his chest. “Huh, neato, how do Ah get it off?”

“It would help if I knew what it was,” Twilight Sparkle muscled her way through the circle of muscle and ponies to peer into the magical orb. “I—I can’t detect it. This magic is archaic. Encrypted the properties so that I can’t detect it, in fact, I would’ve seen it a mile away if I could…”

“Yo, in English please?” Blitz rolled his eyes.

“This magic is ancient, the magical coding is in old Equine, but it seems mostly harmless,” Twilight Sparkle poked it and it wobbled slightly. “It doesn’t seem to serve any purpose but trapped energy, like a bug in amber. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’ll go away soon.”

“That’s a relief, Ah thought it would be sumthin’ horrible,” Applejack shrugged, “How’s about we keep—”

“ROAR!”

“It’s a manticore!” They all screamed. Elusive charged ahead, shooting magical blasts at the monster. It did nothing but made the beast angry. The Monster roared again and Elusive jumped back, almost in awe of his own magic. The threat was chasing her and it raised alarms in each of their heads.

The Manticore nearly had Elusive’s hide when Twilight shot a spell of discombobulation at the side of the dome, it merely staggered the Manticore long enough for Elusive to regroup with the rest of the ponies. The Manticore regained his balance and leaped after Twilight Sparke, who teleported away, and was met with the brutal force of Blitz striking its pelt.

It merely bounced off, but Rainbow Blitz was circling it, entrapping the Manticore with a mini-rainbow-tornado. The Manticore swatted Blitz out of the sky with her scorpion tail, managing to sting him in the process. Blitz hit the ground hard, but rolled and recovered. He held his stung foreleg closely until Twilight casted another Spell of Rejuvenation on Rainbow Blitz. Adrenaline coursed through Twilight’s veins and helped pushed against the magic nullification effect the damned forest had.

“Gosh darnit, I’m endin’ this now,” Applejack snarled as he lowered himself down, pawed the dirt with his hooves, ready to charge. Butterscotch, however, jumped in the way of the weapon and the Manticore.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIT!” shouted Butterscotch at the top of his lungs, ending the strife. He cautiously toed towards the aggrieved adversary and begun to soothe her with a hushed tone and a father-like voice. “What’s the matter, you cutie-patootie?”

“Butters’!” Applejack raised his stance, “Are you insane!?”

Twilight Sparkle was stunned at the pegasus nearing the monster. “…What in the blazes are you onto? Get out of there, Butterscotch! Abscond before he eats you!”

The manticore revealed his paw to Butterscotch, who gave a small gasp at the thorn in her paw. “Oh my, you poor baby. Don’t you worry, I’ll get it out. Now hold still, this will only hurt for an itty-bitty second—”

“RRRRAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRRR”

“See? Not so bad monster, right? Now if you don’t mind, we’re going to be on our way.”

The manticore purred in Butterscotch’s neck, and even gave a few dog-licks until Butterscotch’s mane was slicked backwards. Butterscotch grinned, giggled, and allowed the Manticore to disappear into the ominous fog.

As if it was on cue, a yellow orb of light attached itself to Butterscotch’s chest. It glowed brightly, causing Applejack’s orb to luminate just as well before becoming dormant. Nopony really paid any mind to it, they were sure it would go away like Twilight Sparkle said.

“What? What happened?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Twilight, it doesn’t matter if something’s really big and scary – it doesn’t mean you can’t show it a little bit of kindness and listen,” Butterscotch returned to his normal volume, which is already described as unbearably hard to hear. “Sometimes, problems are as easy to showing some kindness.”

“Laaaaame,” groaned Rainbow Blitz as he sheathed his sword.

The Everfree Forest became thicker, more foliage hid and almost entrapped them. Every circle they took ended up being a sort of dead end, or they were going in circles. They were sure they just came from that direction. Twilight swore she remembered that tree over there. And that rock with the contorted expression. The magical nullifying effects of the Everfree Forest became almost headache inducing for Elusive and Twilight Sparkle, to the point where even adrenaline won’t help.

A stick broke and Butterscotch howled like a Timberwolf.

“Mah bad, Ah cracked a stick,” Applejack chuckled nervously. “Y’all don’t hafta get so worked up about a sti—WAUGH! THEY’RE COMING FROM THE TREES!” The trees were had contorted faces of the damned, it was frightening and it seemed to glow this ominous light that came out of nowhere. Everypony was spooked but they did nothing but ran in a direction that led in circles, which only increased their chances of being killed because this was the Everfree Forest and everything was totes scary—

And you know exactly where this is going.

An orb, pink as the pink mane on the pink stallion it attached its pink self to, luminated pink. “Haha, it tickles! I’m gonna call it Ivan!” This caused a chain reaction among the other orbs on Applejack and Butterscotch to shine brightly before dying out into a dim glow that even fireflies scoff at.

The musical number faded and the tree-demons along with Applejack’s ‘nam flashbacks, and our heroes exited the deep foliage portion of the… well… Everfree Forest intact. Twilight and Elusive sighed in relieve as the nullifying effects of their magic wore off, relinquishing the pressure inside of each of the unicorn’s heads.

In front of them was the rapids that the ravine previously mentioned held, this time without all of the jagged rocks and the implications and metaphors of them being mouths with teeth. The jagged rocks were to the right – the direction of the water was rushing… well… rapidly.

The moonlight reflected off of the rushing water as it crashed into the jaws of the rocks. The fog that surrounded them was thinner, Twilight had a feeling Nebula was slipping away with every moment they stared and pondered their next move.

“So what now?” Elusive wondered out loud. “I don’t see a bridge.”

“I can’t teleport all of you guys over there, only myself,” Twilight mentioned, the continuity is far more important than ingenuity. “We got to come up with a solution, quickly.”

“Why don’t we just fly you over, one at a time?” Rainbow Blitz offered. “Me and Butterscotch can totally do it, right B-Rabbit?”

“But—” Butterscotch whined, “I’m not used to carrying anything more than a bunny! Much less ponies!”

“Oh, don’t you start!” Blitz rebutted, rolling his eyes as he whipped his head to face the cowardly pegasus. “You literally saved Sparkle-Butt’s life with my help, and if you’re so weak you can’t even carry her I’ll help you and take care of the rest!”

“I can’t—I’m not okay with this,” Butterscotch cowered underneath his wings. Rainbow scoffed and stretched his wings, but froze when the sound of uncontrollable sobbing from up stream. The main characters strolled upstream and towards the sound of an overdramatic – albeit fashionably sensible sea serpent.

“Why are you crying, ma’am?” Twilight approached the creature.

“You see, I was getting ready for a big date for my fiancé,” explained the sea serpent, “When this absolute brute of a purple-blue wind just up and sliced off a bit of my beautiful hair! I’m ruined! I will never be able to show my face to my darling, Steven Magnet again!” She bellowed in sobbing as she splashed around, a watery atomic bonsai of water saturates the six ponies.

“Whatever, I’m sure it was weave anyways,” Blitz stomped his hooves impatiently, irritated by the water that splashed him. “Geez, lady! Get over yourself, you look just fine! It’s long enough to suffocate Solaris and the rest of us!”

Twilight Sparkle looked at the rest of the stallions to see how they were faring to notice the rest of them were staring at Twilight Sparkle. She subconsciously dug her hoof through her drenched mane, to see if she had anything disastrous on her head like a leech or a shark. Even Rainbow Blitz stopped his soapbox opera to be captivated by Twilight.

“My god, my fair mare,” Elusive sighed dreamily. “You look… amazing.”

Twilight’s mane stuck to her head uncomfortably, her tail stuck to her underbelly as well. She shook like a dog to get the water off of her coat. Twilight Sparkle felt really uncomfortable with the attention on her and decided to deflect it off of her and onto the sea serpent.

“Mate, if we find a way to replace your missing… ‘hair’,” Twilight did not believe for a second that the hair on the serpent was real, “Will you let help us past?”

“Would I!” The serpent nodded feverishly.

“So, anypony got any id…” Elusive snipped off his tail without so much as a second thought and hovered it over to the sea serpent. “...eas…”

“I thank you! Oh I thank you!” The serpent tied Elusive’s wet tail to her almost ridiculously long hair. “How could we ever repay you?”

“For starters, the idea of assistance with these perilous rapids would be the greatest of help, darling,” Elusive smiled with modesty and class, “And perhaps a few dry towels and brushes, my mane – and more importantly Twilight’s mane is a mess!”

The rest of the stallions opened their mouths to protest, like clockwork, but after a glare worthy enough to shoot down the Death Star came their way – they all zipped it shut. Right about then, an orb white as snow appeared and attached itself onto Elusive’s chest.

After the perilous crossing of the rapids, Twilight and the stallions reached the homestretch. The final obstacle that stood between them and their loved ones was yet again another ravine with some bloody rapids and rocks. This time, the rapids were made of magma. Not really impressive, in fact, it was starting to become less amusing, if it ever was, for Twilight to take notice of.

This time, there was a bridge that was sabotaged. Sort-a like that scene in Shrek, if any of them walk on it. Especially the ones who packed the most muscle mass, like Applejack and Rainbow Blitz.

“Blimey, how do we get across now!” Dryly remarked Twilight as she peered over to Blitz, who was ‘subtly’ watching her flanks the entire way. Twilight Sparkle felt uncomfortable and slapped him across the face with her tail. “Oi, my eyes are up here.”

“Oh—huh?” Blitz recovered from his slap. “Well, if we had a total awesome pegasus with wings, who could fly over and yada-yada-yada.” With that, Rainbow Blitz crossed the gorge. Just as he was about to secure the last rope to make the bridge a not-so-trap and in fact a safe passage – he heard a hushed tone in the fog call out his name.

“Rainbow Blitz…”

“You know what – I know this is a trap but buck it, I’ll bite,” Rainbow Blitz smirked and walked into the fog, much to the dismay of the ponies on the other side of the still-a-trap bridge. “Come one, I want my recognition and swag points. Lay it on me.”

“You’re surely a force to be reckoned with,” a gruff voice, same accent as Twilight, complimented Blitz. “We heard you’re the best of the best in Equestria, the cream of the crop in Flying Basic Training.”

“Oh stop, you’re making me blush,” chuckled Rainbow Blitz, he stopped for a moment before smirking again. “Go on?”

“You passed Basic and Advanced training, but you denied your oath of commissioning to His Majesty’s Air Force,” Another voice, this time younger and it was a female. “Because it would’ve ruined your chance to get into the Wonderbolts.”

“Not so much a compliment, but yeah,” Blitz nodded, “What else ya got for me?”

“We also heard that you’re the only one to ever pull off the fabled Sonic Rainboom,” replied the gruff voice once more. The owner of the voice stepped out of the bushes, accompanied with three subordinates. The gruff voice was presumed the leader, with his gray dress uniform decorated with virtually hundreds of ribbons and medals. The others, not so much. They were wearing black spandexes accented with gray.

The others must be junior officers, Blitz deduced.

“Aye, all me,” Blitz smiled with pride, but turned his attention on the flatterers. “But enough about me, who are you?”

“We’re the Shadowbolts,” The senior officer answered. “Fastest fliers in all of the Everfree Forest, soon to be all of Equestria!”

“Right, if you’re so fast – why haven’t I heard of you – or more popular than the Wonderbolts?” Inquired Rainbow Blitz, unwilling to give up his idol’s rep’. “I’m sure they’re pretty fast, faster even, what makes you guys so special?”

“We can be just as—”

“Lieutenant, hold your tongue,” snapped the Commander, taking off his garrison cap as he turned back to Blitz. He was battled scarred, scars covered his face as well as a missing eye replaced by a glass eyeball. “A vacancy.”

“Uh, huh?” Rainbow Blitz tilted his head, “A vacancy for what?”

“My position,” The Commander replied, “I am an old stallion and I have seen my fair share in both combat and showmanship, twice as many I would ever need in this lifetime. I need somepony… young.”

“Blitz! No!” Twilight shouted after them as they became obscured in the fog. Twilight’s voice barely traveled through and if it did, it was blocked by the magical fog soundproofing the yelling the Stallions did. “It’s a trap!”

“Yeah…?”

“Somepony with agility,”

“Yes?”

“Somepony strong, graceful,”

“Stop teasing me and get on it!”

“More importantly, the new Commander must have an unlimited amount of swag!”

“Aw snap, son, that’s what I’m talking about!”

“Somepony like… you, for instance…” Finished The Commander, his voice smooth and icy. Almost like every word he says is a calculated decision. “Come with us, Commander, the ceremony for your promotion is about to begin.”

The officers next to the now ex-Commander stood at attention and saluted.

“Whoa—wait, right now?” Rainbow Blitz lifted a hoof, “Oh… Uh… Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be able to make it right now, maybe a raincheck? How’s about tomorrow sound?”

“Negative,” The Commander narrowed his icy blue eyes. “You will either come with us and become famous or you will stay with these heretics and be a nobody – all of them are deadcolts walking. Pick the sensible option.”

“Hold on a…” Rainbow Blitz gritted his teeth at the proposal, realizing he’s being played. “You goons work for Nebula, don’t you?”

“That’s irrelevant,” The Commander dodged the question. “It’s either us or them, but choose wisely – you’re either with us or against us.”

“You know what,” Rainbow Blitz shook his head, turning away from them to walk back to the rope bridge. “Take your crappy two-bit job and stick it.”

“Fine. Kill him,” The Commander coldly ordered as he and the rest of the officers disappeared into the fog.

A swift buck to the sides struck Blitz into the awaiting hooves of a pony that lacked heat. The Shadowbolt behind Rainbow Blitz held him in a full nelson, little did they know Rainbow Blitz is actually a black belt in martial art.

Rainbow Blitz slams the back of his head into the pony holding him in a submission hold. Rainbow Blitz grabbed control of the Shadowbolt’s foreleg and bent over to flip the pony over his shoulder. The Shadowbolt lands hard but recovers to his hooves, earning himself a lethal bucking into a tree. The Shadowbolt fell limp, either unconscious or dead from the impact snapping his body in half. Either or made no difference to Blitz.

The Shadowbolt that bucked Rainbow Blitz took a couple of seconds to reconsider what to do – taking steps back. She was unsure whether or not she wanted to even try to attack the blue blur. Rainbow Blitz solved this issue with a swift buck to the chest, cracking the ribs of the Shadowbolt, incapacitating her.

“Excuse me, but can you mail this flank-kicking for me? The address is Tartarus,” Another Shadowbolt tries to charge him, but receives a joint to the neck and a one-way trip to the magma below. “No return service necessary.”

“Holy mackeral!” Applejack exclaimed, stunned at the physical feat of Rainbow Blitz. “Remind me to never seriously cross him again.”

Twilight Sparkle barely managed to close her apart jaws when Butterscotch cautiously did it for her, but literally placing his hoof under her chin and shut it up.

“Although we art disappointed, we respect thy loyalty, such a feat isn’t ingraft nowadays – coequal if 't be true it’s all to w'rship a false sheph'rd. t wast predict'd by us, yond our Shadowbolts art nay matcheth f'r thee,” Knight-Terror Nebula said. Rainbow Blitz noticed that his accent became even stronger, almost to the point of insanity! (and an insane amount of red squiggles in the author’s text) “Thee has't did impress us, with such unfathombable arts in close-quart'rs skirmishes!” Knight-Terror Nebula complimented as he sat in the magical fog. “We art v'ry excit'd f'r thy abilities to beest putteth 'gainst our unlimit'd pow'r, though we has't predict'd the outcome.”

“If it’s not us totally shoving our horseshoes up your flank, then you need to reroll the dice!” Challenged Rainbow Blitz. “Come on! I’m right here! I don’t need these wetbags to defeat you!”

“Absolutely, thy needeth f'r such a dull sw'rd—thy comrades—is unnecessary,” Nebula cackled, “thou art going to needeth a lot m're than yond to coequal scratcheth of mine own armeth'r, pitiful and trait'rous dog.”

If that was meant to be frightening, it worked, even though Blitz understood none of what he said before the fog covered up Nebula entirely. Rainbow Blitz breathed out to steady his nerves and returned to the rope bridge to secure the last of the rope.

“You can’t die now, Blitzy,” Blitz tried and probably failed to reassure himself. “You’re too awesome for this crap, man, remember that awesome bucking one-liner you did as you threw that S.O.B (Stupider than Blitz) into the lava! Wicked cool! Also, you got to hook up with that dork, man.” The main characters came rushing over the bridge, relieved.

“Blitz! You came back for us!” Twilight Sparkle grinned, happy to see her friend not abandoning her.

“Of course I did,” Rainbow Blitz shrugged it off but there was a hint of pride in his voice as he spoke. “What do you take me for? I will never leave you guys – especially you – out to dry like that!”

Was… that a reassurance or was he just hitting on Twilight? Twilight wouldn’t get her answer before a cyan magical orb implanted itself on Blitz’s chest.

There, the courtyards in the ruins of the castle was the source of the smoke. Old Edgy Booty—I mean—Knight-Terror Nebula as he held his crystal ball in his magical vice grip. The future was unfavorable, unfavorable results. Nebula scoffed, him being defeated?!

Blasphemy!

Nebula inhaled and then exhaled. He will tip the balance of power in his favor. Nebula turned to the Elements of Harmony, each of them a stone glowing from the presence of Solaris. Of course, they would remain loyal to the source of all of his troubles – but he knew how this game works. This is the second time Nebula has taken siege of Equestria, his first time was ridiculed and mocked – made into a mediocre bedtime story meant for foals to wet their beds!

Not this time, Nebula would not let these stones screw over his chance at victory. Every possible outcome in his crystal ball predicted the success of the Elements, but none of them ever asked the idea of draining the elements!

Oh! How could he forget about his sweet little captives, hidden away high in the dark archaic magical confinements. Each of them, unconscious, trapped in their worst nightmares. The longer these Night-Terrors rule over their tainted minds, the more powerful he will become! Soon… all of Equestria will be subjugated to an endless sleep – filled with Night-Terrors unfathomable! Nebula cackled maniacally, his plan was coming into fruition!

Nebula, combined with the strength the pony’s fears, the magic from the Elements, and the might of his prototypes—Knight-Terror Night will last forever and Knight-Terror Nebula will become higher than his brother, higher than his father! Nebula will become a god with this amount of power, and he will rebirth Equestria in his image!

And there will be nothing Twilight Sparkle and her pitiful dogs will do to stop him! Knight-Terror Nebula stood up, his horn luminated and the Elements begun to rise. Soon, the elements began to drain of their luminosity – becoming useless rocks in the process.

The combined magic the Elements formed sparked something even more… powerful, something that made Nebula’s fur bristle at such raw power. It made the earth’s loose bits of pebbles and the dust to swirl around him, this raw power will transcend Nebula’s power into untold amounts.

The magical swirls were sucked into his horn.

…

Huh, Nebula expected a bigger reaction.

…

Knight-Terror Nebula’s eyes began to glow white, and then they began to flash colors of the rainbow in an epilepsy inducing light show. Nebula’s resentment and dark heart corrupted the magic that the Elements possessed. Nebula’s fur turned white hot, and fully white. Even Nebula’s fur was voided of all color… or maybe filled with all color for Nebula is completely white.

Nebula… no… whatever this monster has turned into… began to reshape himself to compensate for his power. His teeth became razor sharp, his iris were reddish-magenta cat-slits, his in his helmet resembled that of the warhorse he is. The appearance of this… ‘Neo-Nebula’ was almost unchanged, but the magical armor on him became… edgier.

Neo-Nebula’s face was covered by the helmet, only his eyes and snout able to be seen. They were protected by an invisible force field, acting as a visor of some sort. His neck and wing-guards were lavishly made, along with the necklace of Solaris now a picture of the moon – with his face still on it. Perfect. He is… perfect.

Neo-Nebula is too… pretentious. Nebula chuckled as he looked up at his beautiful moon, reflecting the light of the sun. The Moon had an orange-red color, which gave Nebula an idea… Finally, the edge he lusted for so long in his heart. To finally be able to be dark, hateful, and be completely justifiable in doing so with the edgiest of names ever!

Blood-Moon Nebula

Perfect. All was going according to plan.

The entrance of the castle laid in ruins, the transversal of the ancient castle is to be done carefully as to not to make any of it collapse onto them or ruin this piece of history not seen ever by mere mortal eyes until today.

It’s very existence lays in secrecy, shrouded in darkness of history unforetold. Perhaps it was the mistake of Solaris or did he simply hide the truth? Was there things Solaris kept from his personal protégé? Of course, what a stupid and silly question to ask! Knight-Terror Nebula is a walking example of it. A lot of things made no sense, but the first priority was to save Barbra!

Our heroes ignored the narrator’s unheard pleas to be delicate with the Ruins’ entrance as Twilight Sparkle delivers a concussive blast with the same force as a hand grenade to blow the debris out of their ways. Each of them panted with exhaustion, they were all sprinting at the top of their speed-class.

Twilight and Butterscotch almost immediately ran out of breath and lagged behind, but still made an effort to keep up with the rest of the endurance runners. Bubble Berry skipped while exclaiming ‘bwoing, bwoing!’ while Elusive was complaining about the state the castle was in. Rainbow Blitz and Applejack lead the charge, Rainbow Blitz flying high while Applejack galloping in the direction of the castle.

A light show of colors, ranging in different palettes and shades came from the courtyard of the castle. Twilight Sparkle nearly fell over her hooves at the surprise at the raw display of power. Twilight Sparkle’s heart sunk far down body, so far she felt it in the planet’s mantle core and back!

“Whoa nelly!” Applejack and Rainbow Blitz was blown back by the shockwave, plucked out of the sky and bowled into the rest of the stallions – plus Twilight Sparkle. “Did y’all feel that?!”

“I tasted that,” Blitz answered as he rolled off of Bubble Berry. “What the heck caused all of that?!”

Twilight Sparkle teleported out of the dog-pile of stallions and nervously stared at the direction of the ruins’ courtyard. Twilight Sparkle chewed on her lip before trying to decide what to do next. Whatever that was – it was going to decimate all of them.

“What do we do now, Sparkle? Sparkle!” Blitz asked, anxiety hanging on his voice. “You’re the smart one, how do we defeat that!?”

“We keep calm—” Twilight exclaimed, helping a dazed Butterscotch to his hooves. “—and we carry on!”

“Keep calm an’ carry on…Twi’ that’s not a good answer,” Applejack blinked before asking for confirmation. “Sugarcube, are you absolutely sure that these Elements will help at all?!”

“I’ll bet our lives on it,” Twilight Sparkle dryly replied, “Because that’s our last chance, unless any of you plan to go toe-to-toe with whatever ‘that’ thing was!”

“Ah mean… what if the elements don’t work is what Ah’m gettin’ at!” Applejack alliterated himself. “If we go there now an’ them Elements don’t work – we’re caught with our pants down! There’s an actual threat of him killin’ all of us—Ah thought the strength in numbers might be enough ta kill this varmint – but Ah don’t know if we can Twi’!”

“Speak for yourself,” Rainbow Blitz pipped up, “I’m not afraid of no metal wearing ghost! I’ll kill him, Elements or no Elements!”

“Double negative,” Twilight Sparkle mumbled under her breath before speaking back up. “Look, we came this far now – AJ. We can’t second this now. The more we second guess our actions, it’s a second we risk with our loved ones.”

“Twilight’s left!” Bubble Berry agreed. “We’re in this together, and we’re not going to back down! Besides, that would make this whole deviation from the source material completely pointless—even more as it is now!”

“Whatever… he said,” Elusive agreed. “No quarter as long as that…BRUTE has my precious Diamond!”

“A-a-agreed…” Trembled Butterscotch. “L-Lilith is waiting for me.”

“Look, AJ,” Rainbow Blitz stated, “We’re too far to pull back now, sink or swim.”

“Nnnnhhh, yer all right…” Applejack shook his head, “Ah just… Ah’m sorry, it’s the coward in us all.”

“Guys,” Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat, “It was an honor to know you…”

“No,” Blitz cut Twilight Sparkle off, “After this is all over, you so owe me a date. Now let’s go!”

“Hey look, there’s a note here…” Blitz called out as he picked up the parchment. It was taped to a rolled up knapsack. “Taketh thy choice of weapon, but be warned—thou hath no chance regardless.”

“Well ain’t that bout a doozy?” Applejack commented. “Let ‘er rip!”

Elusive unrolled the knapsack and there were five objects waiting for them—all of them knew exactly which belonged to whom and picked out their choice of weaponry.

Except Twilight.

Her weapon is her magic and her wits.

Duh.

The steps leading to the courtyard were probably the longest and biggest obstacle Twilight and the rest of the heroes had to face. It was the mind they had to overcome, their sense of fear clashed with their need to save their loved ones.

As Rainbow Blitz said—It’s sink or swim at this point. It’s far too late to turn and abscond, nor will any of them force themselves to rush inside to certain death. Twilight Sparkle swallowed the lump in her throat and rushed ahead the ponies to ascend the stairs.

The leading mare encouraged the rest of the stallions to reach the top of the stairs. When they reached the top of the stairs, they were greeted by their foe – his back turned to them. He was staring at a picture of Solaris defeating him.

“Holla, peasants,” Knight-Terror… no… this monster is even more powerful than the adversary seen at Town Hall… who is this?! Twilight Sparkle also suppressed a gasp as she realized something – they were too late. The foe probably reached the elements before them! “Thou art just in timeth f'r the bewray of the most pow'rful alic'rn thee all ev'r hadst the grace of gazing upon, and thee can thanketh thy pathetic prince f'r helping me in doing so.”

“Who… what are you?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Who is't art we?” The adversary asked, “What are we?” The adversary chuckled as he turned around to face the, causing the blood in Twilight’s veins to turn colder than ice. The rest of the stallions froze as well, their fur bristling along with Twilight’s. “We art thou w'rst nightmare, the nev'rending night-t'rr'r… Blood-Moon Nebula.”

“Where are the Elements?!” demanded Twilight Sparkle, “Where is Barbra and the rest of them?!”

“All in due time,” The adversary murmured. “They are merely inside… resting.”

“You know what, no!” Rainbow Blitz unsheathed his gladius, his nostrils flaring. “I don’t care what you call yourself, your stupid calf-brain!”

“Alas, thee draweth thy weapon. thy unimpressive, dull blade,” Blood-Moon Nebula blinked unamusingly. “We w're hoping thee wouldn't needeth t to defeat us… we did expect m're out of thee. Thee has't disappoint'd us.”

“You talk too much!” Blitz charged Blood-Moon Nebula, but a magical blast from the black alicorn knocked Blitz back to where he was standing previously.

“Thou hath no chance,” Blood-Moon Nebula cackled maniacally as Rainbow Blitz groaned as he picked himself up. “We art too powerful for thee, for that was a one-billionth of my true strength!”

“Argh… that hurt,” Rainbow Blitz admitted as he picked himself back up. He popped his neck and stretched his wings. “But I’m just warming up.”

The blood moon reflected off of his armor, casting a shadow over our heroes and every hope they had up until this point. The air of summer is mild, breezy, and a little dry. The magic smoke filled the vicinity of the courtyard and that changed everything, the fog made the air chilly. It drove all heat out of the air as if it was trapping heat inside.

Our heroes made it thus far.

Time to end it.

Elusive used his magic to take his two new knitting needles out of his hair, Butterscotch took off his bow and quickly pulled an arrow from his quiver. Applejack upholstered the revolver and spun it once or twice before having it aimed at Blood-Moon Nebula’s head. Bubble Berry grinned gleefully as he stood on his hind legs, holding his baseball bat on his right ‘shoulder’ and leaning onto Twilight Sparkle – who engaged her magic to prepare to battle with Blood-Moon Nebula.

“Oh yeah, Nebbie? Try to speak some modern day English!” Bubble Berry insisted. “It’s getting tiresome for the narrator to try and pronounce all of those fancy-schmancy word cuts you do! It’s also pretty annoying and hard to understand!”

“For thou last wish,” Blood-Moon Nebula cracked a sinister smile. “We will grant it.”

“Thanks, glad we can come to this understanding! Now can I have Nummy back?” Bubble Berry asked hopefully, but a shake of the head from Blood-Moon Nebula killed off the hope Bubble Berry had.

“If thou wishes to strife…” Blood-Moon Nebula gave a deep, throaty chuckle. “THEN MAKE SURE THOU STRIKETH WITH INTENT TO KILL.”

Elusive aggrieved first. He channeled a strike with his magic through his knitting needles, a magical blast. Blood-Moon Nebula used his own magic to deflect the magical blast into a statue of a bull, the statue was smashed into smithereens.

Butterscotch drew his bowstring back and shot an arrow at Blood-Moon Nebula, who merely caught it in midair by hoof.

Applejack spun the chamber of the revolver and holsters it, his eyes barely seen underneath the Stetson. Applejack hovered his hoof above his revolver, eyeing Blood-Moon Nebula and waiting for him to aggrieve. Ten seconds, long seconds pass before Applejack yelled out “DRAW!” and he upholstered his revolver and shot twice at Blood-Moon Nebula, but alas—the bullets were caught in the magical vice of his magical grip. The bullets dropped harmlessly against the cobblestone ground and the scatter among the floor.

Bubble Berry, twirling his bat in his hoof, pulled out a baseball and lobbed it in the air. As it came down, Bubble Berry dropped to a batting stance. “HOMERUN!” Bubble Berry swung the bat and the baseball went soaring to Blood-Moon Nebula, who caught the baseball with his hoof and crushed it. He was unamused. This, however, was a distraction, as Bubble Berry was in the air – lunging at Blood-Moon Nebula while swinging his bat. Blood-Moon Nebula sidestepped and swatted Bubble Berry away using a tendril.

“Take this!” Rainbow Blitz charged with a back-hoof swing of his gladius, but the gladius is met with a block by tendril defending Blood-Terror Nebula. Blitz spun and tried a diagonal slash, but it was parried by a tendril of the fog. Blitz trusted the gladius at the heart of Blood-Moon Nebula, it was brushed off the armor. The enchanted armor was rubber and the gladius was glue, it bounced and/or slid right off. Blood-Moon Nebula merely grins as Blitz was once again cracked across the face and sent down courtyard once more.

“Our turn,” Blood-Moon Nebula extended his wings and charged his horn, harnessing the power of the blood moon. The entire earth below them as pieces and chunks of cobblestone and dead grass tufts levitate out of the ground and crumbled, collapsed in on itself. Twilight gasped as she and the rest of them were launched onto their backs in this shameless display of might, not even one hundred of his energy – Twilight Sparkle speculated.

Blood-Moon Nebula popped his neck.

The worst pummeling of their collective lives later, Twilight Sparkle shakily picked herself back up with all the strength and the courage she could muster. She wasn’t done, not by a long shot. The stallions were just starting to come to when Twilight Sparkle casted a Spell of Rejuvenation, healing all of their wounds completely. Twilight knew she couldn’t keep using the spell, it was starting to strain her. Rationing her magic was the last thing she wanted to do, but running out of endurance to do so is a whole different kind of horror.

Twilight had enough of this, this fight wasn’t going anywhere in their favor! If she allowed it to, Blood-Moon Nebula will crush them and be victorious! No, Twilight decreed in her head. This is her fight, her grievances with him. Twilight’s horn luminated brightly as she charged at Blood-Moon Nebula. Not with the intention to harm him, but with the intention of trying the impossible: Teleportation with another living being at the same time.

Blood-Moon Nebula’s eyes widen in surprise as they both are puffed out of existence.

“Twi’!” Applejack exclaimed.

Both Nebula and Twilight are sent sprawling in the cold marble floor. They were now inside, but until she got her bearings – she won’t be able to tell where she was. Twilight rolled until she hit a pillar. She leaped to her hooves and looked up to find herself in a rather long, corridor shaped room.

Twilight Sparkle flinched as she looked at her right wing, it was bending in the most awkward of ways. From Twilight’s lack of use with her wings, it was not as strong as the rest of her body and the sudden force of impact caused the bone in the wing to fracture. Painfully. She folded her wing, trying not to look injured.

“AH, CLEVER TRICK, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” bellowed Blood-Moon Nebula. “THOU ART A GENIOUS AMONG SUCH SIMPLEMINDED PESEANTS, HOWEVER, YOU HAVE NOT THOUGHT THIS THROUGH!” Twilight Sparkle blinked as she looked up to Blood-Moon Nebula. “BEHOLD, THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY!” And Blood-Terror Nebula was between her and the Elements, laughing victoriously.

“NOW, TWILIGHT SPARKLE, THY WILL KNEEL BEFORE THINE GOD!” All is lost. Blood-Terror Nebula already has the Elements of Harmony. Twilight Sparkle’s legs shook, unsure of what to do now. Twilight is so exhausted, so tired. Twilight Sparkle felt like a lost filly in the supermarket – ready to give in all hope and surrender unconditionally to Blood-Moon Nebula. Perhaps he will make her death a quick one. “KNEEL! THAT IS A COMMANDMENT!”

That is… until Twilight Sparkle saw the abstract picture of Solaris crying on Blood-Terror Nebula’s necklace/part of the armor. Twilight Sparkle blinked as she begun to think, and pressed in hard thought she was. Is this really how Equestria ends – at the giving up of its last heroine kneeling before a maniacal tyrant? Is this how she fails Solaris, by giving up on him at the time he needed her the most? Is this how Twilight Sparkle meets her end, executed by the madman who plunged the world into total darkness and despair for the cleansing of their ancestor’s sins?

“No,” Of course not. This is Twilight mother bucking Sparkle. Blood-Moon Nebula is not surprised by this. He has predicted this through the use of his crystal ball. “I will die on my hooves than die bowing down to you.”

“Twilight,” Nebula said. “We offer thou to join us as on rightful side.”

Twilight Sparkle scoffed at the nerve of him. “I would never join you, not after what you did to Equestria!”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Nebula took a step further. “It is thou destiny to join us, thou are higher than these peasant-blooded. It is thine fate to join our cause, one way or the other.”

“I will never join you!” Twilight venomously spat.

“We art not evil as thy thinks,” Blood-Moon Nebula declared, holding his head high. “It was Solaris who hath allowed this to happen to us, it was Solaris who given in to his sinful indulgences. We pleaded thy prince to behave, to stop his overindulgence in decadence--But alas, our olive branch snapped and promises thy prince made unkempt.

We could no longer allow such monstrosity to occur and it affect our people, for thy prince risked frying all that roams in darkness—refusal to lower the sun. For his incompentence and the pain it hath brought to the creatures of thine night, we disallowed his luxurious life. However, the selected few we hath conspired with betrayed us. It hath been Solaris that we were the first creature to been birthed, it hath been us to be slain. His actions led to remorse—and our soul banished to thy moon.”

“No!” Twilight violently shook her head. This cannot be true. He’s evil as buck—why wouldn’t there be a reason for him to lie in her face? “That’s a lie! That is a bloody lie!”

“Look it in thine heart to be true, why hath Solaris been so lightful with thine history?” Blood-Moon Nebula cackled before dropping his sinister laughter. “Thy art royalty, alicorn. so why doesth thou protects the heretics and those who wishfully and glassily go alongth their days, ignorant to the rightful truth of our existence?”

“Even if I was in anyway royal, which I am not, that does not mean your twisted mentality is shared!” Twilight argued, “They are not responsible for the actions their ancestors or even their forefathers, you are not punishing heretics or such! You are venting your fury onto innocent ponies!”

“Alas, not even the scholar understands,” Blood-Moon Nebula sighed as his eyes turned chillingly cold once more. “Thou deserveth naught of alicorn genetics coursing through thine veins; we shall clense this wretched world through the power of thy own moon—and rise a new age of purity.”

“I will make the sun right once again!” Twilight Sparkle dropped and assumed a study stance. She snorted and hoofed the ground a few times.

“Thou must surely jest!” mocked Blood-Moon Nebula, he refrained from retaliating to see what exactly what Twilight Sparkle was planning to do. With a second wind coursing through her lungs and the heartbeats of Everypony counting on her, Twilight Sparkle charged – her horn low. Blood-Moon Nebula, in response, charged ahead too. Playing chicken with each other’s horns.

Closer…

Closer…

Closer…

…

Wait for it…

NOW!

At the last moment, Twilight teleported to past Blood-Moon Nebula and safely reached the Elements behind him. After collecting herself for a few moments, she immediately channeled every ounce of magic she had on the Elements. After what seem like forever, a spark emitted from his horn and danced around the stones.

“IMPOSSIBLE!!! THY ART NAUGHT BUT A SLY, TRAITOROUS DOG!” Screamed Blood-Moon Nebula. Twilight Sparkle prayed to every god possible, especially to Solaris’ beard, that this would work. The Elements bounced in response to the magic but…

They did nothing.

“MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Cackled Blood-Moon Nebula as he levitated the useless engraved rocks using his magic. “THINE PLAN HATH FAILED, TWILIGHT, NOW RISE!” Twilight Sparkle could only look in horror as the newly-crowned ruler of Equestria broke each of the Elements one by one by crushing them by making them collapse on itself. A lump of salty and acidic pills welled up in her throat, this was the hardest thing she ever had to swallow.

She feared for her own safety. Blood-Moon Nebula seemed to know what Twilight was thinking, since he suddenly ceased his evil laughing to approach her. “IF THOU ART GOING TO AGGRIEVE US AS AN ALICORN, THE THOU WILL DUEL US LIKE THE ALICORN THY IS!”

Using his raw unmatched black magic, he alchemized a double-edged bastard sword with Twilight’s cutie mark as the hoof-guard and a purple pommel. He tossed Twilight Sparkle the blade, who caught it with magic of her own. Twilight looks over the blade. She was almost uncertain what Blood-Moon Nebula was getting at, Twilight Sparkle would be easily killed if Blood-Moon Nebula would allow such.

Why was Blood-Moon Nebula doing this? Was it to toy with his prey before going for the kill? What game was this sicko playing at?

Blood-Moon Nebula’s sword was a dark blue straight double-edged longsword with a spikey hoof-guard and a bejeweled pommel with a spike directly underneath it. Twilight Sparkle blinked, seeing as they were nearly on equal turns as far as weapons go.

“I don’t know how to use this!” Twilight Sparkle never had any actual training using a sword. Gleaming Shield would only show her sister how to use a shield, go figure.

“We know thy read books on sword fighting,” Blood-Moon Nebula said. “Provide a good fight and perhaps we will consider making Barbra’s death the quickest.”

If there was any way to jumpstart Twilight Sparkle, that was it. Twilight Sparkle enveloped her weapon with magic at the ready with a passive and defensive stance. Blood-Moon Nebula kept his stance neutral, his sword tip pointed at Twilight’s heart.

“WE SHALL CLASH MAGIC AND METAL, YOUNG MAGE,” said Blood-Moon Nebula. “FOR THINE SAKE, WE HOPE THOU WILL LAST LONGER THAN THIRTY SECONDS!” Twilight Sparkle scoffed at the very inappropriately timed dirty joke. “NOW WE WILL COMMENCE THE DANCE OF THORNS, DUEL!”

Like a lightning storm, Blood-Moon Nebula struck with a left back-hooved swing. Twilight, being the rationally brilliant mare she was, teleported out of the way of the slash. The sword swung through where her neck was, had she been a second late – she would’ve been headless!

“CLASSIC MANUVER, BUT PREDICTABLE!” shouted Blood-Moon Nebula, “BUT WE WERE JUST WARMING UP”

More strikes and more near-miss teleports, Twilight panted from her reckless usage of magic. Taking this opportunity, B.M Nebula preformed a downward slash. Twilight held her blade horizontally to block the lethal strike, but B.M Nebula grabbed Twilight by the foreleg and tossed her to the side – onto the cold marble floor. Twilight hissed in agony as she landed on her broken wing but sat up with her sword at the ready – Barba’s life depended on it.

B.M Nebula towered over the panting Twilight, his horn gave a spark and all of the torches in the room was lit. His shadow was large enough to cake the entire room with its flickering figure. His reddish-magenta eyes can pierce through the heavens, but they were locked onto Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle scrambled to her hooves.

This wasn’t for her life, this was for Barbra and for the rest of Equestria. For the sun. For the citizens who are trapped in a never waking nightmare because of this fallen Knight. For magic. For friendship. For love.

A purple magical orb shone bright, white light flooded the entire room before fading to dim obscurity as it presses itself and attached itself to Twilight’s chest.

Bubble Berry was right, these things tickle.

The stallions race through the castle, coming across Shadowbolts as go and cutting down Shadowbolts as they come. The orbs on their chest glowed brighter than a flashlight in the eyes, Rainbow Blitz guessed it was in response to proximity of Twilight Sparkle – in actuality he was looking for any hint and clue to finding Twilight Sparkle and B.M Nebula.

Their hooves galloped on the cold marble floor, passing through what seemed to be an eternity of hallways and endless streams of doors that lead to nowhere – not to mention the Shadowbolts who never seem to get the message that they were being massacred here. The stallions were starting to get increasingly more worried as time went on, for all they know – Twilight could be lying in a pool of her own blood!

“Come on!” Rainbow Blitz called to the rest of the stallions, “This way! I think I hear something!”

“Is it Twi’?” Asked Applejack as he head-butted a Shadowbolt mare out cold.

“I don’t know, that’s why I offered the rest of you to come look with me!” Retorted Blitz as the rest of the stallions finish up a skirmish with Shadowbolt Squad number twelve-hundred-thirty-seven. “Down this hallway! Hot damn, whoever made this castle must’ve been on some kind of acid trip!”

The stallions race down the hallway, incapacitating/murdering Shadowbolts on that dared to stand in their way. Didn’t they know that standing in the ways of these ponies where bad for their health?! Why didn’t they know?! They know now after being left to pick up his teeth out the door.

The sounds of swords clashing and magic being casted was tell-tale signs that a battle was happening just beyond this door.

Twilight Sparkle is getting absolutely creamed!

B.M Nebula’s strike was met with the blocking blade of Twilight Sparkle, who timed her defense just right to attempt a counterattack. Twilight Sparkle’s sword barely scratched thin air before being thrown off of her hooves again into a wall.

Twilight held her sword in her hooves time so that there is little chance a throw like that would interrupt her concentration between her and levitating the sword. Twilight Sparkle grunted as her back and broken wing slammed against the wall, but yelped as she barely raised her sword in time to block a slash and teleported away from B.M Nebula.

Twilight appeared in the middle of the floor, sliding as she carried her kinetic energy along with her in her teleportation spell. Twilight’s ears roared with blood, adrenaline kicking in to help fill the hole where her piss-poor stamina lacked. Twilight and B.M Nebula leaped at one another to clash swords again.

“Wow… it’s just like my mangas…” Butterscotch let’s slip, soon covered his mouth in embarrassment. The rest of the stallions roll their eyes.

“We need to help here, so how bout we do it really dramatically? On three!” Rainbow Blitz offered as he gets ready to buck the door down. “On three, we will say really catchy one-liners! Eh? Eh?”

“That’s awfully pernicious as Twi’s gettin’ cut to ribbons, don’tcha think?” Applejack asked dryly. “Just kick th’ door down!”

“We only get one shot at this, AJ! We might as well do it and look bucking awesome while doing it!” Argued Blitz, “Besides, how many times do you get to save a mare like this – rolling up like a knight in some bucking shining armor?”

“My fair Twilight does not need a ‘shining armor’, for she is an independent and brilliant mare who don’t need no colt to be validated,” Lectured Elusive, inciting a snort by Rainbow Blitz. “Of course you would find that funny, you absolute brute!”

“Whoa! The orby thingies, guys! Look!” Bubble Berry chortled as the each of the stallion’s individual orbs began to dispatch from their chests and appear in front of them. The orbs then take on a silhouette of ponies, but that’s all they were – colored shadows of who they were supposed to represent and they belonged to.

“Well I’ll be a son of a pug…” Applejack lifted his Stetson hat and peered into the orange silhouette of what Applejack presumed was a cowboy from the even bigger hat and everything. Elusive’s almost indistinct from any other pony except for the fact the silhouette the tallest out of all of them. Butterscotch’s was a mare and wore a beautiful dress… that was what Butterscotch could make out. Rainbow Blitz’s seemed to be a warhorse of some sort. Bubble Berry’s was… well… virtually no different from his, except that his was also a mare like Butterscotch.

“Howdy, Applejack, and the rest of yous,” greeted Orange with a tip of his shadow hat. “Mah name’s not important, neither are theirs, but we’re here because y’all fit the requirements to become th’ Elements of Harmony.”

“Right,” agreed White, as he nodded his shadowed head. His voice was posh and elegantly spoken. “It has come to our attentions, darlings, that you might be our predecessors. Love the mane, by the way.”

“Thanks,” said Elusive with a flip of his purple locks.

“We are your ancestors, but I’m afraid we are no use to you in any sense of meaning,” solemnly sighed Yellow. Her voice was smooth and sweet as honey. “There will be no answers given to any questions you hold, I’m afraid. We won’t be here long, nor will we come back. I’m really sorry….”

“If we are useful for anything, it’s to make you maggot-fondlers stronger!” Exclaimed Blue angrily. “We are going to give you our weapons, this will surely make bucking magpie food out of flank-sniffing hack!”

“OOHH I WISH WE COULD TALK MORE BUT I’M AFRAID OUR TIME HAS EXPIRED!” Bounced Pink. “I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE NEW STUFF! HAPPY CHRISTMAS IN NOVEMBER—OOPS I MEAN JULY!”

With that, the ancestors alchemized their weapons into the hooves of each of their decedent pony’s grasp. Applejack’s ancestor-weapon was a Winchester Repeater. Elusive’s was a wand, a wand can make even the least magical ponies into a strong force to be reckoned with.

Rainbow Blitz’s was a real life, sharpened, and authentic gladius sword and rectangular shield. Butterscotch’s was a bow that was expertly crafted and made to last, all of them non-lethal arrows ranging from injecting sedatives to splashing water with an arrow. At last, Bubble Berry’s weapon was a HUGE BUCKING HAMMER that can turn into a baseball bat at will!

Such awesome loot to replace the crappy ones they had, they felt like they had a much better chance at taking on B.M Nebula!

Speaking of which, how was Twilight fairing against him?

Twilight Sparkle was knocked onto her back; her sword (now broken into two – it wasn’t important anyways) went flying out of her hooves. She had a couple of shallow lacerations here and there but nothing to actually threaten her life. Twilight Sparkle was exhausted, there was no way adrenaline or any sort of plot hole exploitation was going to save her now. Twilight wiggling and crawled backwards, looking above her at B.M Nebula as he was virtually unscathed by their whole duel.

“ALAS, THOU WILL DIE HERE ALONE FOR THINE PAHTETIC ATTEMPTS AT BRAVERY AND SELF-SECRIFIE HAS SERVED THOU NAUGHT BUT A SWORD IN THE CHEST!” B. M Nebula raised his sword high into the air with his own hooves, aiming to pierce right through the young mage’s chest. However, something stopped the alicorn from culling the defeated one on the floor. “PERHAPS WE ARE NOT AS PREPARED AS WE THOUGHT, WE HAVE NOT COME ACROSS THE THOUGHT OF KILLING THY HERETICS HERO. WE SHALL NOT, THY WILL BE SEEN AS MARTYR”

“Nnnnhhh…” Twilight groaned through gritted teeth, whatever she said – she meant it as a means of insult.

“INSTEAD OF WORTHLESS DEATH, HOW ABOUT A COMPRIMISE?” Offered B.M Nebula as he lowered his sword. “WE WILL RELEASE THE PRISONERS, A FULL PARDON OF YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS’ PUNISHMENTS, IF AND ONLY IF THOU RELIQUNSHES ALL ALLIEGENCE TO SOLARIS AND PLEDGE TO BE OUR PERSONAL PROTÉGÉ AND LEARN THE WAYS OF THE DARK ARTS.”

“I…” Twilight was very damn well considering it, given that right about now literally anything is better than having Barbra and the rest of them held as ransom. If there was anything Twilight could do at the very least, it was to allow the captives to return home. Albeit, Tartarus seems like a preferable alternative to endless Night-Terrors. Twilight Sparkle looked up, the idea of Barbra and the other’s safety seemed much better “Okay...”

“Thy may also be our queen if thy wishes to,” B.M Nebula offered slyly, causing the battered Twilight to rear up in surprise. “If we art to be king of the new age, we needth a queen. A queen whose magical prowess untamed, unmatched. Beauty and majestic that extends above all of the stars we hath the displeasure of seeing, will thou be our queen?”

“You got to be joking,” Twilight shoved her hoof into her face. “You whoop my flank to kingdom come and back, and now you’re hitting on me.”

“We do not jest with matters coequal to this,” Insisted B.M Nebula. “If thou will not go along willingly, we will taketh by force.”

“What are you on ab—” Twilight Sparkle’s eyes widen wider than saucer plates. “no…”

“Thou, as our personal protégé—thine first assignment…” B.M Nebula smirked sadistically. “Will learnth to please us.”

“NO!” Twilight Sparkle scrambled, any direction from B.M. “ABSOLUTELY NOT!”

The magical smoke caught Twilight Sparkle by the legs, all four of them, and it pulled them from right underneath her.

“I NEED AN ADULT!” Twilight Sparkle screeched, struggling and kicking as she is dragged back towards B.M Nebula as he conjured up a throne to sit on.

“WE ART ADULT!!!” B.M Nebula screeched right back, returning to his Royal Canterlot voice. “NOW DOST THOU WISH TO COMMIT TO THIS WILLINGLY OR WILL WE BE FORCED TO…” Twilight’s horn is nullified by the magical smoke’s grip of her entire head. “DO THIS HOW THINE SAY…. THE HARD WAY!?” Twilight Sparkle was about to wish she had a cyanide pill lodged in her teeth when a familiar and GODSAVING voice saved her from the unknown amounts of molestation possible.

“YOU RUFFIAN BRUTE! YOU GET YOUR BUCKING HOOVES OFF OF THAT MARE THIS INSTANT!” Elusive screeched from behind the door.

“Freeze!!” Declared Rainbow Blitz as he bucked the door in. “You got the right to get the buck off my marefriend before I will unleased a tactical rainnuke down on your candy-flank!”

Marefriend?!

“THIS BETTER NOT BE A CLOP SCENE!” Bubble Berry complained “WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THIS TWO-OR THREE INCOMPLETE STORIES AGO!”

The rest of the stallions strolled in after Rainbow Blitz. B.M Nebula scowled as he discarded Twilight Sparkle to the ground in front of the heroes. Twilight Sparkle scrambled to her hooves, probably ready to make sick when all of a sudden, Twilight’s magical orb started to glow along with the stallions’.

Twilight Sparkle looked at her magical orb again. Something started to click in Twilight’s clockwork brain, something really hopeful. Twilight Sparkle was really banking on this theory, that she can use these orbs in a really… special way. “Right, you think you can destroy the elements so easily?”

“Wait—what? The Elements got what?” Elusive interrupted, “I apologize, but wasn’t that important?”

“No! Erm, yes. Maybe? It’s weird!” Twilight Sparkle chuckled nervously as she stammered. “The true nature of the Elements lies within each and every one of you lot!” The magical orbs detached from the stallions’ chest again and from Twilight’s chest and floated in the air. B.M took a huge step back, confounded in what he is seeing. “In fact, everypony in this room represents an element—except you, you don’t get squat.”

B.M Nebula scoffed.

“In fact, these orbs,” The shattered remains of the elements levitated into the air along with the magical orbs. The orbs became intertwined with the rocks and the rocks became red-hot, they luminated pure white. “I thought I recognized these things – these are shadows of Elements. Ancestors who bore and died with The Elements. Their mark on the world to help guide us.”

Shadows of extra ponies appeared on the ground, it flickered before the shadows of the Elements disappeared.

Never to be spoken of in this story again.

“Holy crap, Sparkle!” Groaned Blitz impatiently, “Just get to the point already! I want some action!”

“Be patient!” Twilight Sparkle tried to hurry to the meat and potatoes of what she was actually trying to say. “Applejack reassured me back at that cliff that trusting somepony in the face of danger is the true meaning of safety. He represents the spirit of… Honesty!” Suddenly, a few shards of the Element of Honesty flew over and orbited around Applejack.

“Butterscotch, who soothed a raging manticore, even in the absolute danger of being eaten, represents the spirt of… Kindness!” Butterscotch winced as he was careful not to let any pieces of his Element burn his skin.

“Bubble Berry, who laughed in the face of those absolutely abhorrent tree-demons, represents the spirit of… Laughter! (and still meets my criteria for a mental institute, but that’s not important)” Bubble Berry giggled as he embraced her Element.

“Elusive, who…” Twilight paused for a moment. She wondered how she would word his feats and make him sound less like the madman he is. “Cut his own bloody tail for that thing with the annoying voice, represents the spirit of… Generosity!”

“an’ fru-fru manestyles,” Applejack snorted.

“And Rainbow Blitz, who kept his integrity intact and never abandoned us – regardless of how bad or how better he could have it with someone else, he represents the spirit of… Loyalty!” the pieces of Rainbow Blitz’s Element came to him, he puffed out his chest with unrivaled pride.

Bubble Berry chortled as he waited for Twilight to finish speaking. “But wait, there’s more!”

“The sixth Element, the hidden Element that only comes together when all the others are connected!” Twilight Sparkle allowed her Element pieces to circle around her. “The Element of… well… I don’t know… erm… friendship? Yeah, let’s roll with that!”

“Magic,” Deadpanned Bubble Berry. “You’re not about to friendzone me.”

“Or me,” Rainbow Blitz crossed his forelegs across his chest.

Silently, the other stallions agreed.

“Friendzoned?!” Twilight Sparkle busted out. “None of you were in any ‘zone’ to begin with! I just met you all! Solaris sent me here to meet some ponies and you all became… acquaintances if that! It took me up until now, when you saved my virginity to a religious NUTCASE demon-god to realize that you are all actually my friends and—”

“We’re not going to stray this far from the continuity nor am I going to be held back by this whole thing! The last Element is Magic! M.A.G.I.K—I mean—C!”

“THY FOALS, THOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT DRAINED ELEMENTS WILL WORK?!” Cackled B.M. “HOW COULD THOU BE SO STUPID?!”

“Actually, I didn’t know you drained them,” Twilight admitted. “I just assumed you just… gotten powerful on your own. I was going to use these Shadows to make them stronger and just… you know… off you.”

“That’s where these babies come in!” Rainbow Blitz grinned as he picked up his gladius and shield. “Where magic fails, I’ll just curb-stomp the magic juice out of you!”

“HAHA, THOU FOALS’ IGNORANCE NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE US!” B.M snarled as he lit up his horn in retaliation. “THOU HATH ANGERED US PAST REDEMPTION, TWILIGHT SPARKLE AND THE REST OF THOU DOGS. PREPARETH TO STRIFE FOR THE FINAL TIME!”

“Actually, this is going to piss you off a whole lot more,” Twilight Sparkle hummed ominously as the Element’s magic begun to seep out from Blood-Moon—now Knight-Terror Nebula’s horn and began to pool into the Elements. The gems begun to glow brightly, especially the crown adorned on Twilight’s head.

“WHAT?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!” Roared Knight-Terror Nebula. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

“The Shadows of the Elements kind-a gives unicorns and alicorns a power boost, sort of like the magic that the Elements gave you strength. Besides, you’re not the only one who knows archaic spells like ‘Spell of Leeching’,” Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes and scoffed. “The fact you think you are doesn’t make this satisfying, almost sad.”

“WHATEVER, WE HATH NO NEED FOR ELEMENT’S MAGIC WHEN WE HAVE THE MAGIC AS THE GOD OF ALL THAT IS DARK AND EDGY!” Knight-Terror Knight bellowed as he zapped at Twilight with a magical blast. Twilight Sparkle didn’t even have to move, the sheer might of The Elements deflected the projectile.

“What’s a god of darkness to the harbingers of light?” Twilight Sparkle asked. And with this, our six heroes hovered into the air. The elements morph into gems, each of them appearing as the bearer’s cutie marks. “Nothing.”

A rainbow was casted from the blinding white light and the swirling rainbow engulfed in screaming Knight-Terror Nebula.

“THIS CAN’T BE HAPPEING! NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” he screeched in terror as all of them were knocked down and rendered unconscious, the power of the Elements too much for all of our heroes.

Twilight Sparkle kicked herself awake, groggily heaving herself to her haunches. Twilight noticed that she was fully revitalized, as if she just took the best shower of her life—or perhaps the best feeling ever that didn’t seem to last, keeping Twilight on the edge of euphoria. I think I just orgasmed.

The stallions have already been up for a minute now, checking out the new bling that this quest awarded them with.

“Twilight, about time! Check out the bling we all got while you got…” Blitz looked up to Twilight’s head before howling with laughter. Twilight subconsciously combed through her mane until she touched what looked like a filly’s toy. “Ahahaha! You got a tiara!”

“Haha, very funny,” Twilight Sparkle said sourly, “Nice girly necklace, you’re sure going to wow the jocks at Stud’s Only Night at the bar.”

“Pssh!” Blitz scoffed. “This is bucking gold, real gold. Mine’s got a lightning bolt on it while you got all that sparks and specks on yours.”

“Whatever, you look like a two-bit yoga instructor,” Twilight Sparkle hissed under her breath, Blitz didn’t hear it. She stood up onto her hooves. “Where’s Barbra? And the rest of them?”

“Ah don’t know, Ah didn’t see ‘em,” Applejack was pacing nervously after being wowed by his new necklace. “We still gots ta find them.”

Twilight picked up the necklace among the armor, all that remains of Knight-Terror Nebula.

BOOM, CRACK, AND OTHER ONOMATOPOEIAS!

“Somebody say yoga?” Asked Solaris. On his back were unconscious loved ones—except Diamond. Diamond gave no bucks as he stared up and glared at Twilight Sparkle for even thinking about looking in his general direction.

“Solaris…” Twilight exclaimed as she ran towards him.

“My student!” Solaris grinned.

“Solaris!” Twilight didn’t stop running, in fact she increased his speed.

“My student?”

“SOLARIS!!!”

“…oh sugar honey iced tea…” Solaris teleported the unconscious loved ones onto the ground just as Twilight Sparkle smashed herself against him. Solaris wasn’t physically moved, account for the godly strength and all.

“You dastard! You lying dastard!” Twilight Sparkle screeched as she kept boxing her hooves onto his chest. “You told me Knight-Terror Knight didn’t exist and you wrote this whole bloody letter about me being wrong and then you just surrendered and then you—”

“Twilight, for the love me…” Solaris said in the exasperated, yet knowing tone that she always used whenever Twilight Sparkle screwed up. “For starters, I planned this whole thing to happen.”

“WHAT?!” Our heroes screamed. As each of them try to piece what Solaris said in their heads. They tried to respond but it all came out a garbled mess. “But the guard’s deaths! And the… and … Aknfalgn;ansl;gnsgdsdg!”

“Did you even read the bloody story, the original transcript of it? Crickey, you banked so much on the abridged versions of the story! Don’t you know that hacks been taking information from the story and twisting them for their crummy books to sale? Knight-Terror Knight is my brother, Artemis!”

“Oh,” The personal protégé, the smartest in Equestria, felt really dumb right about this point. “Blimey I’m stupid.”

“No you’re not, I purposefully neglected to tell you… until now: The story is…” Solaris took a deep breath. “I was a terrible King. I was always neglecting my duties to party, drinking wine, gambling, or be with loose mares—sometimes stallions. I couldn’t bear the responsibility, so I slacked off. I was too young, too brash for such a commitment I wasn’t ready for…”

“Loose mares and sometimes stallions, your highness?” Gasped Elusive, “No offense, but my word!”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with it!” Blitz snapped, “He’s the bucking prince, anyways!”

“I never meant that there was anything wrong with it, quite the opposite—I implore choices in sexuality and such,” Elusive alliterated his statement to correct his seemingly homophobic wording. “He was a king who did nothing but drink wine and interloped! That goes against what I’ve been reading for years!”

“Shh!” Applejack hushed the two of them. “Squawk later, listen now.”

“I decided to let my brother help rule with me. The problem is, there can’t be two kings—that would incite problems of its own. So I dropped the title of King and the two of us became princes,” Solaris waved his hoof in a circular manner. “A thousand or so years later, my dearest brother became distraught with my efforts—or lack thereof—to share the incredibly heavy burden of raising and lowering the sun. He tried to help me with my constant hangovers and such, to make me feel better to work but I wouldn’t.

My brother, my dearest Artemis, had to raise the sun and lower it by himself while I indulged myself. After a century, the resentment and anger he had towards my lifestyle started to boil into amenity towards me. He harbored this dark feeling, and by the time I finally noticed – or cared to notice rather – it was far too late for me to save him from conspiring against me. The hate manifested itself into a monster, and the monster possessed my dearest brother.

I was foolish, thinking that if I slay this monster it would free my brother.”

The heroes waited patiently for Solaris to get out of his trance.

“I was wrong, so very wrong. The Night-Terror retreated into the Everfree Forest where it licked its wounds and grew stronger, grew an army. It brought havoc to Equestria by plunging it to a deep sleep,” Solaris continued. “I sent a select few of trusted individuals, best of each region of Equestria, to stop him by any means necessary. They banished him to the moon using their combined might and magic, metal included. The Elements were then forged to prevent this from ever happening again—even I, truthfully, don’t know where the Elements came from or who made them.”

“The Elements…” Solaris walked towards a cowering, blue, royal mess. “They helped save me from this royal pain in the flank’s edgy thoughts, but it also banished my dearest brother to a place where I could not physically reach.”

“He said we were heretics, traitors, (and dogs),” Twilight Sparkle blinked. “He thought himself as a fallen God, and this brooding made him stronger, with each passing moment of watching us.”

“Aye, unfortunately,” Solaris nodded solemnly. “It took the banishment of my dearest brother and what became of him to fully realize the scope of what I have done, to him and Knight-Terror Nebula.”

Artemis shivered heavier as Solaris came closer to him, his head hiding underneath his wings.

“My dearest brother,” Solaris spoke barely above a whisper, “The only remaining family I have, or will ever know of, I have brought shame upon me. I have hurt you. I have hurt myself. It took me thousands of years of being alone to realize everything you said to me and about me was right—I am no better than that wretched wench of chaos.” Solaris growled as he finished that last thought but dropped back to his fatherly tone. “I do not expect you to forgive me, for the magnitude of my actions are unforgivable. I ask of you to come back, to the Throne, to the peas—err—subjects of Equestria. To me. I missed you far beyond what is fathomable, longed for your terrible cooking.”

Artemis, between his sobs, chuckled as he lowered down his tattered wings. His fur was a gray-blue color with extremely dark blue splotches on his hindquarters with a crescent moon. (like so flippin’ dark blue, it’s almost black). His mane was a baby blue color with a tail to match, although it was dirtied. His eyes—GOD BUCKING LORD HIS EYES ARE THE LOVELIEST SHADE OF TURQUOISE TWILIGHT V. SPARKLE HAS EVER HAD THE PLEASURE OF SEEING, AND GOOD GOD THAT SMILE—

PERFECTION THIS PONY BUCKING IS!

“W-we… missed you too, dearest brother…” Artemis’ eyes started to well up as Solaris wrapped a wing over him, nuzzling his hair – the exact same treatment Twilight Sparkle received when she was a distraught young filly who forgot how to spell honorificabilitudinitas. Don’t bother trying to pronounce it, it’ll look sad. Twilight Sparkle is just better than you. “We are offended by the cooking quip; you still ate the food we made.”

“I have terrible tastes,” laughed Solaris.

Elusive sniffled at the best scene of all time in any media—hands down—while Rainbow Blitz was trying his hardest to not violently vomit his innards – and last night’s dinner at this sappiness. Where was the bloodshed? Where was the action?! Blitz is disappointed.

“Twilight…?” Barbra groaned groggily. “Am I dead?”

“BARB!” Twilight lunged at the dragoness, whom then preceded to squeeze the ever-loving mess out of her. “OHMYGOSHIAMSOSORRYYOUHADTOGOTHROUGHALLOFTHATAND—”

“Get… off…” Barba wheezed.

“Apple…jack?” Applebuck asked as Applejack picked the colt up by his scruff (do ponies have scruffs? They do now.)

“Ke’re goisdh hofm” Applejack said in muffled. (translation: we’re going dome. Ain’t google translate bout a bit—)

“DIAMOND OH MY BABY!” Elusive received a spitting hiss for his troubles. “DON’T YOU HISS AT ME, YOUNG MAN, I FEED YOU.”

“Lilith! Oh my goodness, I’m so happy to see you safe!” Lilith shrugged and hugged Butterscotch’s foreleg before her stomach growled. She let go to point at her mouth while biting. “Oh yes, I do believe it’s about time for breakfast.”

“NUMMY!” Bubble Berry held up the small alligator as it blinks, either dumbfounded or simply not carring. The blink, unbeknownst to the ponies, is reptile for ‘I miss you too you [censored]ing [censored] [censored]face [censored]’. Such a beautiful language, isn’t it?

When they got back from their EPIC quest, it was party time. Twilight didn’t know whether or not the party was exactly for them or for the Prince’s redemption and the dismemberment of the Shadowbolts (who later turned into the Night Guards), but it was a time of drinking, loose mares—sometimes stallions, and neglecting duties in the name of having a good time with good ponies!

Except for Twilight Sparkle, she doesn’t do parties.

Twilight Sparkle sat on the balcony, looking over the entire town of Ponyville. It was her new home, for however long it takes for Solaris to win back her house from that hobo who bested him in Texas-Hold-Em. Twilight still didn’t know why exactly Solaris couldn’t just repossess the house, but Twilight guessed it would spark a whole bloody problem.

Twilight Sparkle looked up, the moon was still high in the sky but it wasn’t a blood moon—just the regular, beautiful full moon. It was perhaps the closest as it’s ever been, it sort-of made Twilight feel more energetic but Twilight knew that it was going to SUCK when Daylight comes the next day.

Barba then ingresses inside of Twilight’s room, allowing the noise of the party to become tenfold. She was wearing a lampshade. Barbra then entered the balcony door. “Mate! You’ve got to check it! These ponies are partying even bloody harder! Madman! They installed a dunk tank that’s filled to the brim with punch! There’s also a basketball court! Solaris is just waiting to get bloody dunked on! You got to take a swing at it!”

“Sure, Barbra” Twilight chuckled, “I’ll be right out, give me a second.” Barbra gave a thumbs up and roared herself back into the party. Twilight mentally thanked her for closing the door, again.

Prince Artemis landed next to her and Twilight could BARELY KEEP A HOLD OF HERSELF BY THE ABSOLUTE AMAZING-AMAZINGNESS THAT THIS STALLION’S FACE WAS. Twilight harbored no romantic feelings, but hot damn was this stallion HOT.

“Hey… Twilight?” Artemis shuffled his hooves a little. “We aren’t sure how to quite put this but…”

“I’m sorry, I was spaced out Artemis—err—your majesty,” Twilight shook her head, bashful of the mistake. “Sorry, it’s hard to get used to… calling another pony ‘your majesty’ and all… it’s all like ‘whaaaat’! heheh…”

“No, no, it’s quite alright. I’m having some trouble myself coming to grasp that this isn’t a dream anymore,” Artemis chuckled. “But that’s not why we’re exactly here.”

“What is it?” Twilight Sparkle asked as she leaned over the railing, having a sip of punch.

“We wish to apologize to thee for… attempting to… uh…” Artemis blushed madly as he tried to force himself to say it. “Thou know… maketh forceful intimacy with thee,” Twilight Sparkle did a spit-take and coughed.

“Oh no, we truly did not mean to jest!” Artemis waved his hooves as he tried to explain the already explainable. “We art being truthful.”

“I know—ice cube!” Twilight gagged. “Stuck in throat! Choking!”

“Oh!” Artemis mentally wiped a sweat off his forehead in relief. “Do you want us to—”

“YES!”

Artemis went behind Twilight Sparkle and placed his hoof underneath her stomach as the two of them rose to their hind legs. Artemis preformed the Heimlich maneuver and got the ice cube unlogged from her throat just as Barba came into the balcony again.

“Twilight—Whoa! – I’ll come back later…” Barbra excused herself from the balcony, much to the dismay of both Twilight and Artemis.

“...anyways,” Twilight recovered herself as she fixed her mane. Artemis sat down. “Water under the bridge, you were being a megalomaniac hoof-bent on purging the entire inhabitants of Equestria. Not really your fault.”

“Which leadeth us to our second thing,”

“and that’s?”

“We wish to thank thee for freeing us from our madness,” Artemis leaned in close. Artemis spoke in a whisper, so Twilight had to lead in to hear exactly what he was saying. Artemis took this as permission. “We art truly grateful for our hero to arrive in shining armor.”

And just like that, Artemis planted his lips onto Twilight—oh so oblivious Twilight Sparkle—who sat there as they were lip-locked. It was over just as Twilight Sparkle even had the faintest iota of what just happened, which was perfect timing for Artemis to make his clever escape by disappearing within a blink of an eye.

Okay, Twilight Sparkle thought he was hot but she literally only met the stallion. This was all too much for her, is she in a relationship now? Is she still single? Does this count as her first kiss?! WHAT DID THE KISS MEAN?!

Solaris could barely hold his laughter as he saw his dear brother retreat from an internally-conflicted and frozen Twilight Sparkle with her mouth wide open, eyes bugging out as she analyzed every single part of the unexpected (totally predicted by Solaris) kiss.

Solaris knew she was analyzing it because she always starts writing everything down as she does it. Solaris sighed, Artemis probably blew it. He was too forward, especially in that French Kiss!

“You really have suck at this whole match-making game, Solaris…” Solaris mumbled to himself as he tried to think of solutions to this mess. “Perhaps the ‘Gala Tickets’ prank will remedy this situation like it did with Bamboo the Brilliant…”

And then the Grinch… Prince’s smirk grew three sizes that day as he plotted his dastardly plot.

Author's Note

OH I WOULD READ >TEN THOUSAND WORDS

OH I WOULD READ >TEN THOUSAND MOAR

Knightmare Nebula

The Night After. [Huge Thank You]

Author's Note

The Original Artist

Tl;DR--Thank you for reading the story and supporting me to write the next chapters.

As of finishing this A/N, it's 23:08 and I've been working on editing and proofreading this present to you guys.

This right here is a bonus chapter, as a show of gratitude.

This scene is from the cut version of Chapter Three, named The World is Not Enough,

The chapter was originally supposed to be about Twilight Sparkle agreeing to go see The Wonderbolts preform COMPLETELY PLATONICALLY with Blitz, help capture escaped animals with Butterscotch, tutor Applebuck about multiplication for Applejack, assist Elusive with fitting dresses, and plan a party with Bubble Berry. She agreed to meet with the stallions, but she made the mistake of booking them at the same time as the others.

So now Twilight was supposed to go back and forth between various of locations, constantly excusing herself until all the stallions figured out and demand Twilight give an explanation, which is supposed to be this big lecture on how Twilight was all of their friends and she didn't want to let them down and the moral was that she should've said no.

It was cut because I did not want it to be in the main continuity of the story I am writing, so this is just a taste of what there was supposed to be in Chapter Three. Chapter Three is going to deal with The Gala Tickets, but it's going to be about all of the stallions fighting and arguing to go on a date with Twilight Sparkle. With a surprise end.

Now onto the real thing I wanted to say:

I just wanted to take time out of my writing to say I love you guys PLATONICALLY (and romantically :raritywink:) and I thank you for the support so far. It really means a lot to me after working so long and hard on the chapters, no joke intended. I very much expected this story to flop spectacularly, but you guys managed to prove me oh so wrong. I am really grateful, no amount of gratitude can be expressed otherwise I'd be here all week. I know I ain't no Meme-Asurous nor am I a Socks, a writer likes me comes once a nano-second and I know that this story might end up being a flash in the pan, destined to become obsolete after a week or so but I gotta say, I love every second writing it.

To all those who downvoted my story, I thank you too. Because it's feedback, although there's no comments telling me exactly why you don't like it. To those who upvoted, I thank you as well. To those who commented, I thank you too. To the few who offered to edit and proofread the story, I thank the most because it's time out of your day to help. I can't express how much I love you guys, even those who downvoted.

I spent weeks planning the bloody story and I've spent weeks more writing the two chapters and by Solaris' beard I hope I never have to write another twenty-thousand word chapter again. I had to split the chapter into two, to be honest, because I was having trouble proof-reading the entire two chapters in regards of plot. Grammar and spelling was checked by the Word tool.

Now that I have proofreaders/editors, I expect the quality of the story to go WAY WAY up!

More importantly, I want to thank memeasuras and the proofreaders and editors for providing the original story that sparked the harem comedy I always wanted to see, Socks and their array of proofreaders and editors for continuing my favorite harem story ever, and ProbableSarcasm for providing me permission to rewrite his/her unofficial spin-off. I have not asked permission from memeasuras nor Socks, but I thank them for not being dicks (*coughcough*nintendo*hackcough*) and asking me or ProbableSarcasm to stop expressing my love for the story and the world it created.

I, TheSadisticJudge, thank you - the reader. For reading the story so far, seeing as it strikes your fancy. Every reader count I see on the two chapters I made makes my heart glow because it lets me know I did not do this in vain.

The Night After. [Huge Thank You]

The Night After.

By TheSarcasticJudge

For Twilight, the day after the EPIC quest and the party was a peaceful one. After everypony left, they at least had the politeness to clean up their epic mess. Twilight Sparkle’s day after was probably the most peaceful it’s ever been in her entire life, she spent the entire day resting and reading the book Solaris had graciously provided along with her old supply. Now we all know the ten crack commandments, but Twilight Sparkle always gets high on her own supply – in books I mean.

The night was somber. Dark and dreary with the heavy, dark blue-black crying clouds hanging wearily in the solemn black sky like the condemned. The stars twinkled dimly, almost obsoletely, as the waning gibbous moon becomes covered with another leaking cloud. The air outside was stuffy. The air pressure was enough to cause even the most expert diver in Equestria trouble breathing.

Twilight was right about the day and the night after the full moon. It bucking SUCKED, no matter how peaceful her day was as she spent cooped up in her house, which she affectionately named the Golden Oaks Library.

Twilight Sparkle closed Archaic Spells and You Vol. Forty-Nine and picked up the fiftieth book in the volume, Archaic Spells and Your Loved Ones. Twilight Sparkle knew all of this, because this is the hundredth time of her reading the books, but decided that flipping through the whole one-hundred volume-pack for the fifth time in a row seemed a good way to pass the time. It is always good to keep your mind stimulated, whether it’s doing homework that wasn’t really assigned or by chewing gum.

“Twilight, do you know what time it is?” Barbra asked rhetorically, rubbing her eyes. Twilight Sparkle looked up from her study, it was in the main part of the library tucked away in a little corner with all of the more valuable books are kept. In alphabetical, numeral, by Author, and what date it was published as well. “Crikey, it’s nearly three in the morning!”

“I know what time it is, Barbra, I’m keeping my mind busy,” Twilight Sparkle removed her chewed up gum from her mouth and placed it onto the mound of previously chewed gum. “It’s important to keep up to date with old material that the mind may have previously forgotten.”

“Eww,” Barbra did a double take on the chewed gum mound. “What is that, a science experiment? Your Frakenpony?”

“Frakenpony was the name of the Doctor, Barbra,” Twilight Sparkle scoffed as she unwrapped another piece of gum. It was mint. “Anyways, there’s a study that was conducted two years ago that said if you chewed mint gum in an exactly fifteen-minute window, it improves brain cognition and allows higher function. I’m experimenting that study to conclude its claims.”

“It’s surely activating my disgust receptors,” Barbra remarked as she took a seat next to Twilight Sparkle. “I guess I’m up, you want some breakfast?”

“No thanks, I’ll be hungry before noon,” Twilight Sparkle shook her head. Barbra frowned for a moment before fixing her face, Twilight hadn’t eaten a lick of food yesterday because she was wrapped “If you would be so kind, could you brew up some coffee?”

“Coffee?” Barbra raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “I though you hated everything produced in Griffonstone.”

“No, I hate their clothes – they’re made by child laborers” Twilight Sparkle corrected as she flipped through a page of the book. “I ordered coffee yesterday, after the party. It should’ve been delivered by now.”

“Yeah, I noticed it arrived because that klutz of a mail-colt keeps knocking over our mailbox,” Barbra replied. “Are you sure you want coffee? You never had it before.”

“Well, I’ve been trying new things as of late,” Twilight Sparkle said, which triggered a snort from Barba. “I’m serious!”

“I didn’t say you weren’t, mate,” Barbra eyed the gum mound, as disgusting as it was – Barbra expected Twilight Sparkle to do crazy things like this because smart ponies who did studies backed by Solaris himself said it probably might work. Twilight Sparkle always experimented with these crazy things. “You made friends, that was probably the newest thing you ever did.”

“Haha, go get the coffee,” Twilight Sparkle deadpanned. She flipped through twelve chapters in one glace. She is a fast reader. “And make sure you go wash up later, we’re going somewhere tomorrow…well today.”

“Where?” Barbra inquired as she sat up from the study and moved away from the little tucked in corner of Twilight Sparkle. Barbra walked towards the front door and picked up the package, that wasn’t at all beat up and probably smashed when it came into contact with the mailbox. “And I don’t know how to brew coffee.”

“To Austailia,” Twilight Sparkle retorted dryly as she flipped through the next page of her very thick book. Barbra gave her a look and Twilight rubbed her eyes. “Sorry, I feel a bit cranky. We’re going to the market to pick up an order of quills and parchments.”

“You sure work fast, ordering all this stuff,” Barbra took the box into the kitchen, which wasn’t far from Twilight’s study. In fact, nothing was really far from Twilight’s study – the literal treehouse was smaller than her old home. Twilight appreciated the smaller house, it made it feel more like home than a laboratory. “Where do you get the time?”

“Magic,” Twilight Sparkle chuckled a bit, Barbra gave off a smile and opened the small package and pulled out the coffee bag of coffee beans. Twilight Sparkle looked up from her book and shoved her face into her hooves, remembering something crucial to the arts of coffee crafting. “Aw bugger, I think the Mean Bean Machine didn’t come yet.”

“Where did you get the bits for a coffee machine?” Barbra inquired. “You haven’t been selling crystal, have ya Mr. White?”

“Don’t be absurd,” Twilight Sparkle cracked a small smile, she had binged watched the show with Barbra a year or two ago. It’s been ages since Twilight watched another television show, with the addition of Netexit. “I make a living editing journals and learning, Barbra, I don’t have time to be breaking bad.”

“Haha,” Barbra chortled bubbly. “How’s about some tea, huh?”

“I’d appreciate it a lot,” Twilight Sparkle sighed as she went back to reading. “Just put the coffee machine in a cupboard.”

“Which one?” Barbra asked.

“The one we keep our teabags and sugars in,”

“You have at least twelve of them, all full of teabags!” Barbra cried out from the kitchen, making Twilight Sparkle groan. “Mate, you have a problem!”

“I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a staying awake solution,” Twilight Sparkle scoffed. “The one next to the bloody stove!”

“Okay, I found it!” Barbra said.

Twilight hummed lightly as she finished the book and picked up the other volume, she removed the mint gum from her mouth and stuck it onto the mound as she continued to read into the book. Truth be told, she wasn’t interested in the book at all. Twilight Sparkle already knew this stuff, she could cast all of the spells and alchemize all of the charms that comes along with archaic magic. A young mage, forcing herself to reread the material she already knows.

Lightning cracked its thunderous whip across the sky, the roar worthy of the gods caused Twilight Sparkle to jump. The fur on the back of her neck bristled along with her mane and tail; she’s been up for three whole days without so much as a lick of sleep. The night she spent obsessing over the Knight-Terror Knight story, the EPIC quest, and then tonight would mark the third day without sleep. It’s messing with her head – this whole insomnia thing is.

Twilight Sparkle groaned as she shoved her head into her hooves, a shower after a cuppa might do her some good with the caffeine boost. Twilight Sparkle didn’t feel so sparkly after all, being exhausted but something nagging in her brain. Preventing her from going to bed. What was it? Was it Nebula’s revenge or something? No. Let’s think rationally, now, Twilight. Nebula is dead and gone, Prince Artemis is saved – and very much dodging her letters to him.

Rain started to pour even faster now, it was perfect weather for reading something more interesting than this book she’s studying for the seventh time in an hour. Twilight Sparkle took a bookmark from the cup of quills and marks and shoved it into the book Archaic Charms for Not So Dummies.

Twilight stretched out her legs and stood up, she flexed her tensed muscles and walked into the main portion of the library. Twilight Sparkle stood on her hind legs to reach a more interesting book, Opal Bound: Goldsinger, when she heard a knock on the front door. Twilight Sparkle turned lowered herself back onto her hooves and moseyed on over to the door, the rain and the lack of the moon made it difficult to see out the window on who it was.

The Golden Oaks Library was closed, on the account for the heavy storm going on, but if this mystery pony needed a place to hide out the storm, Twilight Sparkle was all more than willing to allow the pony into the library to dry off if they needed. Twilight Sparkle levitated the Goldsinger book to her hooves and she tucked it casually underneath her wrapped up right wing. It was still healing from the other day. Magic heals wounds, not broken bones.

Twilight Sparkle opened the door to a drenched, familiar face. The Element of Loyalty, fastest flier in Equestria, slacker, and total wanker, Rainbow Blitz. Twilight Sparkle offered a patient smile, there would be no way he could’ve been caught in the storm unknowing of the weather – being the weather captain and all. Rainbow Blitz moved some of his soggy mane out of his eyes.

“Twilight, you haven’t been out for a couple of days,” Rainbow Blitz said worriedly, “I was concerned.”

“I was only inside of the public access library, otherwise known as my home,” Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes and stepped to the side. “Come on, you’ll catch a cold being out in the rain.”

“I—thanks,” Rainbow Blitz entered through Twilight Sparkle’s door, closing the door behind him. He allowed the saddlebag he was carrying to fall off of his haunches and let it sit by the door. Twilight Sparkle levitated a towel or two and smothered Rainbow Blitz in it. “H-hey! Watch the mane, Sparkle!”

“You’re not walking on my floor with muddy hooves and sitting on my sofa with your wet body,” Twilight grumbled as she struggled against Rainbow Blitz’s resistance. “Stop struggling or this will take longer!”

“You sound just like Elusive,” Rainbow Blitz scoffed as he sat still and waited for Twilight Sparkle to finish drying him off with the towel. “Thanks, I guess…”

Twilight Sparkle rolled the towels up and torched them with a simple spell of teleportation, they were now in the laundry along with sheets and blankets that needed to be washed. Twilight Sparkle walked over to her sofa, which sat in front of a coffee table, television, and next to a radio, and took a seat. Rainbow Blitz followed suit and sat next to her, leaving an entire cushion between each other.

“Would you like a cuppa?” Twilight offered, which made Rainbow Blitz reply in a confused face.

“A what-pa?”

“Some tea.” Twilight Sparkle hated the cultural difference in this town from Canterlot, like all of the ponies just decided to create their own slang and such. It’s probably why Twilight Sparkle found more coffee ground instead of teabags, it’s absurd with the amount of trouble Twilight faced trying to give her address to the postal service! (“Building Double Eight, Double Four on Barkway Ave.” What’s so difficult with the way Twilight says it?!) “It’s being freshly brewed.”

“Err… no thanks, you guys have any coffee?” Blitz asked and Twilight Sparkle nearly choked on her own air. Perfect timing for her Mean Bean Machine to be late as soon as a guest denies her offering of tea. That was another thing that made Twilight Sparkle’s gears grind, their lack of appetite for tea and the adornment love of coffee. What made tea so bad that blokes like Blitz would go out of their way avoid tea as if it was like the plague?

“I’m afraid not,” Twilight didn’t lie. “Are you sure you don’t want tea? I can have Barbra make some biscuits—”

“For the love of—Twilight, I think we all get it, your Canterlis,” Blitz rolled his eyes as he leaned back into the sofa. “We don’t eat biscuits like crazy, we eat cookies with our coffee. Especially Noreos, geez. Just say ‘cookies’ and just say ‘tea’ if you’re going to offer some!”

“Right… sorry,” Twilight shifted uncomfortably in her seat, she looked towards the kitchen to see Barbra doodling on the wall with a crayon as she waited for the kettle to brew. Twilight made a mental note to take away Barbra’s drawing privileges for the rest of the day and make her clean off the scribbles on the wall. “It’s just hard to adjust, Blitz, it’s only my second night in this town.”

“No, wait, you don’t have to be—” Blitz mentally wracked his brain as he sighed out his frustration. He kicked himself as soon as Twilight turned away from him, thinking he said something offensive. Which he probably did. “No, I’m sorry… I’m being a total plothole. I would like a ‘cwuppa’.”

“Haha,” Twilight snorted and then chuckled at his attempt to imitate her accent. “You sound ridiculous.”

“It’s not my fault you Canterlish ponies sound like that!” Blitz defended, a small smile coming onto his weary face. “Like, it’s cute and all when you say some stuff but geez-louse you all sound like you have a mouthful of tea and scones all the time.”

“We what?” Twilight scoffed playfully as she raised an eyebrow mockingly at Blitz. “At least our vocals sound more refined than you Ponyville Ponies, they always sound like you burnt your tongue on an apple pie.”

“Oh my gosh,” Rainbow Blitz said. “Say apple again.”

“Apple?”

“Yes,” Blitz answered, “but less like a question,”

“Apple,”

By Solaris’ beard, the way she says it is so cute… Rainbow Blitz thought

“Hot damn,” Blitz pretended to look for pockets. “Do you need a towel or something? I think I see some tea pouring out of your mouth.”

“You… cheeky bugger,” Twilight Sparkle knew she walked right into that one. Twilight Sparkle chuckled before shaking her head. “So Blitz, what brings you over?”

Rainbow Blitz crossed his forelegs across his chest. “You mean besides the rain?” Twilight Sparkle leaned back into the sofa as she gave Blitz a face, which mentally gave Blitz the impression that dodging around the question would not work with her. She’s one tough cookie to crack. “I wanted to see that you were okay, with you disappearing and all.”

“Right, but that’s all there is to it,” Twilight countered. “You wouldn’t be here unless you really have to, you give off the impression of a reading atheist.”

Rainbow Blitz mumbled.

“Sorry?” Twilight asked, “Didn’t quite catch that.”

“I … out…” Rainbow Blitz mumbled louder.

“Blitz, I can barely hear Butterscotch what makes you think I can understand that mush?” Twilight said.

“I left my keys in my locker in the weather station,” Blitz reluctantly admitted. Swallowing his pride. “I’m locked out of my house until the station opens back up.”

“It’s closed? Why?”

“We don’t have enough pony-power to keep it running twenty-four-seven, Sparkle,” Blitz explained as he slouched. “It’s barely above minimum wage, two bits an hour. I don’t know if you noticed, but this town’s full of landhugger pegasi and other self-employed ponies.”

“Right?”

“And… there’s not exactly a lot of pegasi in Ponyville either,” Blitz rolled his hoof in a dismissive manner. “The demand for weather ponies in Cloudsdale, with it being an industrial powerhouse, nor do they want to move to Ponyville.”

“Cloudsdale?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah, the huge cloud city in the sky. The city that never sleeps? The Big Apple-Cloud? Capital of the Sky? Empire Bay?”

“Blimey! I’m sorry,” A lightbulb lit up in Twilight’s groggy mind. “I thought that was called New Canterlot?”

“You and One Snow both know nothing,” Blitz scoffed, Twilight Sparkle didn’t know who One Snow was but she knew she was being insulted. There’s no use in getting antsy about it, Twilight guessed. It’s pretty early in the morning for the both of them, very late at night for the rest of the town. “Nopony calls Cloudsdale ‘New Canterlot’, anymore. They got a whole section of it named New Cloudsdale. You know what…if you’re such an egghead, why don’t you know simple history? The vote and flopped battle for independence from Solaris’ kingdom?”

“The Revolutionary War, or flop it was more like, a couple thousand years ago,” Twilight murmured to herself. “Oh yeah! I can’t believe I let that slip my mind!”

“Yeah, it’s where me and B-Rabbit grew up,” Rainbow Blitz meant Butterscotch, Twilight understood exactly what he meant. “Except he grew up in Kings while I grew up in New Canterlot City.”

“Right, so what do they do in Cloudsdale?”

“It’s an industrial and corporate powerhouse. They make rainbows and other glossy crap in some factories to sell to some private corporations so they can tax the heck out of it when weather stations like ours need to order some.” Rainbow Blitz continued to explain. “They also make some clouds too, but the world does that naturally so it’s not really as important as some wetbag idiots think it is. I actually worked in one of those factories, the one where they made rainbows, before moving here, it’s pretty wicked.”

“You really know a lot about the industry,” Twilight mused.

Blitz gave a ‘hmpf’ sound. “That’s because I went to college.”

“Really?” Twilight was actually surprised, much to the dismay of Rainbow Blitz. “Not that I think you’re dumb, or whatever, but you don’t seem like the type – no offense.”

“It was on a scholarship; Cloudsdale University gave one… I think it was called Cloudsdale University... yeah, so I was really big on Hoofball,” Twilight heard of the sport in a magazine. She overheard Bubble Berry talking about it (to her through her closed library door earlier yesterday) and he compared it to Quidditch, whatever that was. “I think I got a… bach’ degree in flying… an associate in aerodynamics… what was that other one… oh yeah, I think I did a course on physics, but I didn’t really pass the class – I just dropped out.”

“What?! Why!? Physics is really important to know!” Twilight Sparkle demanded after she literally gasped in concern for her pal’s academics. “You could’ve gotten a lot of good paying careers with that! So many opportunities wasted!”

“I didn’t want to be some egghead know-it-all,” Rainbow Blitz retorted slyly. Twilight rolled her eyes at the totally not directed at her quip. “So I dropped out and enlisted in the RAF (royal air force) and did boot’, I totally impressed them with my awesome, bad-flank skills and they allowed me into Ad’ Camp. I was so excited, because we learned under the one and only Burnout himself!”

“I still can’t believe you dropped physics on a scholarship,” Twilight Sparkle deadpanned, expressing an unamused face. “Ponies would maim me for my academic scholarships!”

“Yeah, but I’m not a smart cookie, I’m a tough one,” Blitz rolled his eyes. Twilight Sparkle pursed her lips, knowing that he wasn’t exactly being modest with her nor was he being honest with himself. “Why do you think I live in a place like Booklynx, Cloudsdale? They call it Crooklynx for a reason.”

“Yikes,” Twilight was wondering what was taking Barbra so long with the bloody tea. “I heard it was bad, but geez.”

“I guess,” Rainbow Blitz chuckled. “It wasn’t really that bad as the movies and plays suggest it to be. If you knew where to keep your nose out of trouble, that is.” Rainbow Blitz leaned slightly towards Twilight. “How about you? It’s only fair you tell me a bit about yourself after spilling my story.”

Twilight couldn’t argue with that point.

“Well, there’s not really much to say,” Twilight rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “I was born in the Yolktown section of Great Canterlot. I think I caused a bit of controversy because of the whole alicorn situation, people thought Solaris finally had a wife and he would be back as a ‘King’ but it turned out I wasn’t his daughter. Ponies thought I was and still do to this day – I read a newspaper written by some hacks the other day about me being the quote on quote ‘bastard daughter of Solaris’.”

“AAHAHAHAHA!” Rainbow Blitz howled with laughter, “Oh that’s rich, I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m done.” Blitz chuckled a little more.

“Right,” Twilight Sparkle bit her tongue to keep her retort quiet. “After a couple of months, I said my first words and other bollocks. It was a year or two, I don’t remember, when I started reading and figuring out how to spell. My parents were amazed and they sent me to school almost at three years old. When I turned five, I was already in Secondary School—”

“A What School?” Inquired a very confused Rainbow Blitz. “The hell’s a Secondary School?”

“The school you go to after Primary School,”

“Well, duh Twilight! Primary, Secondary and then Tertiary,” Blitz shoved his head into his hoof. “But what the absolute buck do they mean in regards of school?”

“Uh…” Twilight Sparkle wracked her exhausted brain for the Americolt (equine for ‘anywhere in the kingdom that isn’t Great Canterlot’) equivalent to what a Primary and Secondary School is. “For Secondary School… uh…”

“Oh spit it out already,” Blitz was growing impatient.

“I think you lot call it ‘High School’,”

“Oh! Oh, I get it now,” Rainbow Blitz shook his head. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Yeah, so I was in ‘High School’ but the time I was five,” Twilight Sparkle continued. “When I turned six, they told me that there wasn’t anything they could teach me because I was moving too quickly ahead of the curriculum. So they hired a tutor from the Royal Archives.”

“Isn’t that where they keep the really old scrolls and whatever the hay in?”

“Yup,” Twilight Sparkle nodded. “Really old one. I thought he was a bloody wanker at the time, I ended up tutoring HIM about the subjects he was supposed to be teaching. What I didn’t exactly know was the study of theoretical archaic magic and quantum mechanical science, which he offered to teach me. He wasn’t supposed to. I kind of… maybe… knew them already.”

“Solaris damn!” Blitz exclaimed. “You really ARE an egghead!”

“Hmpf,” Twilight tried so hard to take it as a compliment but couldn’t. “So he told some ponies he knew who told some ponies they knew, the next thing I knew – I was offered a full twelve-year scholarship at the University for Gifted Unicorns. I’m probably the first and only alicorn to ever attend and pass. There was this huge test at the end where I had to do something no pony has ever done before, so I tried hatching a dragon egg in the audience of Prince Solaris himself.”

“Hey, this sounds familiar,” Rainbow Blitz tried to reach in the back of his mind on where he heard this story from. “I think you hatched… something... it was…”

“A dragon egg,”

“DRAGON EGG, SAID IT BEFORE YOU!” Blitz insisted, Twilight rolled her eyes and let him have it. “So is that where Barbra came from?”

“That’s where she was hatched, yes,” Twilight said, “After that, Solaris just took me under his wing and named me his personal protégé.”

“Didn’t you miss your parents?”

“Of course I missed them,” Twilight answered. “Mum was a wee-bit disappointed that I didn’t go into the military with my gifted knowledge, but she and Dad were super excited about the protégé thing. After that, I just studied and wrote reports. Nothing really worth mentioning to talk about.”

“You know,” Rainbow Blitz said as she finished. “That’s pretty…”

“Pretty what?”

“Cool,” Rainbow Blitz finished. “It also taught me something.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re a hopeless egghead, far from the redemption into all that is totally awesome like me,” Rainbow Blitz bragged as he puffed out his chest. Twilight scoffed, but chuckled at the absurdness of his words. Finally, Barbra came into the library holding a platter of biscuits—cookies rather and placed it on the coffee table. “Aw sweet, chocolate chip!”

“So that’s what took you so long,” Twilight mused, “There’s a seat for you right here.”

Blitz and Barbra shared a knowing, understood look. They had a previous understanding at the party, Barbra wanted to play matchmaker and get Twilight a date and Blitz wanted a date with Twilight (as if he didn’t make it brutally obvious). Barbra gave a wink, Blitz returned the understanding wink. Twilight Sparkle didn’t notice as she was busy taking a sip from the piping hot tea.

“No thanks, I’ll take my tea into the room,” Barbra took three bis…cookies from the platter and her teacup and went upstairs. “You two lovebirds have fun.”

Lovebirds?!

Rainbow Blitz rolled a D-16 for charisma on how exactly he will try to say what he wanted to say next, his base stat on the attribute is a shockingly high twelve. The D-16 rolled an eight, not a bad roll. It succeeded, but the confidence that Blitz had stagnated and suffered slightly.

Twilight Sparkle rolled a D-18 for dexterity on how she would handle what Blitz would say next. Her base stat for the attribute is a really absurdly high sixteen. The D-16 rolled a one; there was absolutely no bleeding chance that in any of the infinitive multiverses that she could fail it, yet, she snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Critical Failure.

“So…Twilight…” Blitz’s chest deflated slightly as he tried to figure out exactly how to roll with the awkward silence that followed Barbs’ words and casted over them. “Are you going to be busy on Friday—I mean it’s totally cool if you are or just you don’t have time, and this is just a hypometi-whatever question, but will you be?”

“I don’t think I’ll be,” Twilight Sparkle rubbed her chin, unsure of where Blitz was going with this. Oh sweet, oblivious, innocent Twilight Sparkle had no idea of what Blitz was going to say next – she has not seen many cheesy romantic comedies such as the one her life is becoming right about now. “I pushed back everything I was going to do on Friday to Saturday, so I think that’s probably a no.”

“You owe me a date,” Blitz said with a completely straight face, cutting straight to the chase. “I want to go on a date with you.”

“…?” Twilight Sparkle blinked at the suddenness and straight-forward approach Blitz was taking all of a sudden, after beating around the bush like he did. “I—what?”

“That is… if you want to…” Rainbow Blitz sat up and walked over to his saddlebag and pulled out a couple of objects. “I don’t normally do this, because it’s sappy, mushy, and stupid as all hell, but I made an exception.”

Twilight Sparkle, as speechless as she was, waited patiently for Blitz to come back to the couch, which he eventually did. In his forelegs were a bouquet of drenched flowers, a saturated crimson box with a turquoise bow on top—The box was in the shape of a heart that contained (now spoiled with rain) chocolates, and two tickets to what read was Cloudeseum in a plastic sandwich bag, where they were kept nice and dry.

“The Wonderbolts are coming to Cloudsdale at twelve-thirty, Friday night,” Blitz said, trying to keep his cool as he spoke. “So I thought, ‘wow! That’s bucking awesome, I’m so going’!”

Twilight wasn’t surprised.

“But then I thought, ‘what the hay, why not get Twilight a seat as well?’, so I did,” Rainbow Blitz continued. “So, you’re welcome.”

Twilight’s eye twitched.

“No-no-no, what the bloody bells are you doing?” Barbra, playing matchmaker from upstairs, slapped her head into her hand as soon as she heard what Blitz said. This was going off the script, way far off the script, and now he probably just blew it. Big time. “Oh my god this was a huge mistake…”

“Are you taking the piss with this?” Twilight flared up in indignation, which probably surprised Blitz so much, he flinched away from Twilight. “‘You’re welcome’?! Have you gone barmy?!” Twilight Sparkle furrowed her eyebrows, narrowed her eyes, and scowled at him. Even if Twilight was being offered to come to the event as the platonic friend she is to Blitz, the tone and the words he said wasn’t exactly the smart way to convince her—it was exactly the smart way to cheese her off. “You total wanker!”

Barbra groaned, rolling over onto her back; this whole matchmaking thing has gone pear-shaped.

“Twilight—Wait!”

“If this is how you’re asking me to go, then bloody forget it, you sad, blinkered, daft dastard! Naff off!” Twilight spat venomously as she continued to walk away from Blitz, who was desperately trying to correct what he said and back-pedal hard.

“Whoa-whoa-whoa—wait that’s not what I meant!” Blitz had dropped his façade as he followed her all throughout her march of anger. “Twilight, just listen for a second, please!”

“And what exactly could you mean?” Twilight retorted sourly and as dry as a cracker. She turned around and reared up onto her hind legs to reach a book from the higher part of the bookshelf – she was too pissed off to concentrate completely and use any magic. “Please tell me exactly how ‘thankful’ I am that you bought me tickets I didn’t ask for!”

“What I meant to say was that you’re the best bucking mare I’ve ever known and I like you a lot!” Blitz yelled at the top of his lungs, and this quieted and stunned Twilight Sparkle. It took the furious glare out of her gaze – it was replaced with a gaze of uncertainty.

With this, Blitz dropped his tone to a softer level and stood on his hind legs using his wings for support. He turned Twilight Sparkle around to face him while taking Twilight’s hooves into his own.

Twilight Sparkle could almost feel the pounding in his chest as he spoke each word, each syllable Blitz said was like a fire being lit in her chest. “You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re funny, you’re one hay of a fighter, and you’re everything I’m not and if bucking more! If anything, it’s you doing a favor to me by coming with me tomorrow afternoon – even if it’s just as friends. I don’t care, but I really want you there with me – it would mean the world.” Twilight knew that last bit was a little on the nose, overly dramatic, but it was sweet and endearing.

Twilight Sparkle didn’t know what to respond or HOW to respond to this. “Like, as in…” Twilight Sparkle fumbled with her words. “…like-like?”

“If that isn’t weird or anything, but yeah… I like-like you, like a lot,” Rainbow Blitz also fumbled, unsure what to say next. “But if I totally blew it, it’s okay, I totally understand.”

Twilight blinked. She subconsciously moved some strands of Blitz’s jagged mane out of his eyes. The closeness between the two was fully realized and they both blushed slightly before Twilight allowed Blitz to take a step back.

“If this completely bucked our friendship, then I understand that too…” Rainbow Blitz slouched as he said that, which made Twilight shake her head and wave her hooves.

“No, it’s okay,” Twilight Sparkle said, trying to disarray the tension. “I think I have an answer.”

“Really? I didn’t blow it romantica—”

“Sock it before I change my mind,” Twilight Sparkle warned. It was a successful warning because it hushed him, Blitz shut his trap quickly to allow her to talk. “You blew it, you had no chance to start with…”

“I totally get it—”

“Didn’t I say to shut up, you smarmy, sad dastard?” Twilight snapped again, shutting Blitz up again, before letting her tone soften up. “But…I am still free on Friday… so why don’t you try asking me again?”

“Uh…” Rainbow Blitz shuffled his hooves. “Twilight, the Wonderbolts are happening tomorrow afternoon and I was wondering if you would like to come… platoon-ically or whatever the hay it’s called.”

“I fancy this idea,” Twilight agreed.

“So… is that a yes?”

“Yes, as friends, but nonetheless—yes.”

Rainbow Blitz smiled – no he grinned – no that wouldn’t be the correct way to word it either – his entire face stretched into a joyful expression worthy of the gods! She said yes! She said yes! Even if it was platonically, she said bucking yes!

This is grounds for breaking the window!

So Rainbow Blitz did and flew out in the rain, whooping and celebrating as he flies into Solaris-knows-where in the thunder and lightning and further into the darkness until he disappeared. Twilight peered after him with an eyebrow raised, it was nearly identical to the situation when she met Bubble Berry. Except Bubble Berry didn’t break her bucking window and it was during a huge storm.

If Rainbow Blitz was this excited to go as friends, what would he have done if they went together romantically?

Twilight shuddered at the thought, she thanked Solaris’s glorious beard that she wasn’t romantically interested in any of them.

Chapter Three|Giving Love a (Not So) Helping Hoof

Twilight Sparkle and Her Unwanted Love Life

By TheSarcasticJudge

Twilight Sparkle should’ve paid attention in P.E.

The crisp apples, ranging from luxurious red, mild and mannered green, and sour powered green apples, weighed Twilight down tremendously. The load on her back was backbreaking work on its own, but it would be a lot better if there wasn’t a certain baby dragon pressing down on Twilight’s back uncomfortably as she tossed apples behind her shoulders; the ones she deemed ‘unsavory’ or ‘had a weird pear-like shape’ or even the best excuse yet:

‘they looked like bollocks.’

“Thanks fer th’ help, Twi’,” Applejack offered a confident smile, either oblivious or ignoring Twilight’s best efforts to stay upright and much less the distance of five yards between the two ponies. “Although it would help mighty fine if y’all would pick up the pace a-little.”

“Yeah… it’s… no problem…” Twilight heaved, as she struggled to keep placing her hooves in front of the other, each portion of her body screamed in protest. Her legs quivered and almost felt like they were confused, her walking was a little like a kitten trying to take its first steps. She almost crashed into a bush a couple of steps back. “So why did you ask me to help with this? I… ugh… harken back to what you said yester…day, Applebuck season wasn’t until next… nhhhnnn… week.”

“Ah made a bet,” Applejack shrugged.

Twilight Sparkle heaved again, trying to keep a lazy Barbra centered on her back and managing to lift agonizingly torturous amounts of apples, which proved itself to be a calamity in regards to her muscles. It would help if she would breathe a little bit better—lactic acid just ate away at the strength of her muscles. “A bet?” Twilight repeated, strained to even try to have a tone or even emotion in her voicesound anything regarding emotions. Or interest. “What was the bet?”

“Bring all these here apples to th’ barn by eleven-thirty,” Applejack answered. “If Ah do, Red Gala has ta walk through town wearin’ Gran-Pappy’s leather suit!” Applejack chortled.

“That doesn’t sound so bad,”

Applejack turned his head to Twilight. “It’s not that kind of suit, Sugarcube.” He chuckled darkly before winking. Twilight still had no idea what Applejack was talking about, but was in fact a bit concerned about the chuckle and the wink. (What does the wink mean, does it mean that he likes her? Does it mean that Twilight’s in a relationship now?! What do these gestures mean?!?) Barbra was doing her best to not laugh her dragon flanks off, snickering and snorting right into Twilight’s ears.

Twilight ‘accidentally’ allowed Barbra to fall off.

“Right,” Twilight felt a lot better without Barbra’s weight on her. “What was the stipulations?”

“Th’ what-now?”

“Terms and conditions?”

“Twi’, Ah don’t even own a computer and that sounds like somethin’ Ah wouldn’t read,”

“Ugh—not reading,” Twilight shuddered at those words. “What would you have to do if you lost?”

Earlier that morning.

“An’ what do Ah hafta do if YOU win?” challenged Applejack. Red Gala eyed him for a minute before she smiled with all hints of smugness radiating off of her large manure-eating grin. Applejack prepared for the most embarrassing thing

“WHEN Ah win, ya mean” she corrected. “Ya hafta lie ta Gran-Pappy Smith fer a day.”

Applejack snorted. “That all?”

“Nnope.”

“Say what-now?” Applejack was taken out of his thoughts of sweet, early victory. Applejack quickly regained his composure with a meaningful glare behind his cool and calculated face. “A’ight partner, what’s your game?” he inquired cautiously.

“Ya gotta tell 'em that ya knocked up that new librarian,” answered Red Gala with a hushed, meaningful, and downright diabolical tone. Applejack's eyes shrunk to pinpricks before gulping a big lump in his chest, his blood running with icy slush just as his cheeks blushed like a hot forge. If Gran-Pappy knew, or even thought for that matter, that somepony was fooling around with HIS grandchildren without marriage, the culprits would be on the alter and saying ‘I do’. Within minute of finding out. Six feet under if needed to be. Not to mention, Applejack might get a vasectomy afterwards. There will be hell to pay and Applejack couldn’t foot the bill.

“What’s th’ matter, Applejack?” Jested Red Gala with a hint of tease spiced in her words. “Ya ain’t a chicken, ain’tcha?” With that, a fire lit up inside Applejack stomach.

“Ah ain’t never been no chicken, an’ Ah’ll never will!” Applejack roared with indignation. “Ya got yerself a bet!”

“Err—Ah rather not say,” Applejack coughed suspiciously at his omission. Twilight Sparkle was too busy being broken in half by the apples plus+ Barbra on her back to notice or care, Sshe probably guessed it was probably to wear Gran-Pappy’s girdles the entire day.

“…Right, okay,” Twilight replied, regardless of the meaning behind the words, she didn’t really hear nor did she really care. “Bloody hell’s bells, I’m glad we’re all said and done with this. I’m famished. Exhausted too.”

“Tell me about it, lad,” Barbra agreed. “I bet I could eat a whole timberwolf and sleep for twenty years!”

“What do you mean you’re feeling tired? You’ve done nothing but sleep on my back, or been chuckin’ out apples left and right,” Twilight complained. “All the work you’ve done was throw apples at ponies who are trying to enjoy their jogging routines without being pelted by fruit.”

“It’ll teach them to exercise during tea-time,” Barbra muttered under her breath. “Speaking of which, I am hungry! I’ve been working so hard, I missed tea-time and my third snack! You know it is imperative that I get my fifteen snacks a day as a growing dragon so I can be big and strong!”

“Just because Butterscotch told you that rubbish when you went over to his house, doesn’t mean I’m just going to hoof over gems like my job depended on it!” Twilight Sparkle argued before sighing. Given as this was going literally nowhere with Barbra’s stubbornness and Twilight’s need to be right, Twilight Sparkle decided it would be beneficial to the both of them plus Applejack if she dropped it entirely. “Whatever, let’s just get to the farm before my spine breaks in half.”

Just then, as Barbra climbed on Twilight’s back (“Mind the wings!”), Barbra pulled out the reddest, shiniest, most delicious, most perfect-looking apple that Twilight Sparkle had ever seen in her life. It was like one of those moments in time when the world just stopped and admired this one absolutely perfect thing, just because none of the rest of its kind could ever compare to—

Barbra ate it.

Both Applejack and Twilight Sparkle glared daggers at Barbra, but neither of them said anything. They both have reasons to be peeved, but their reasons differ. Twilight wanted to donate the apple in a museum, the apple core more like, while Applejack wanted to sell the whole darn thing to a museum, after taking its’ seeds and replant the whole farm with it. Barbra opened her eyes, after enjoying such a euphoric snack. Her mouth still had apple chunks on her lips and juices from the glorious apple ran down her chest and onto Twilight’s back. “What?”

Applejack shook his head disapprovingly whilst Twilight huffed and trudged on with a howling stomach. Barbra retched.

“You alright? That apple wasn’t poisoned or anything?” Twilight turned her head to the choking reptile. “Barbs?”

Barbra burped up fire and out came a rolled up scroll with Solaris’s royal seal. The sky suddenly became dark and weary, lightning cracked across the sky like a whip and thunder roared with the intensity of a dragon. Any hope that Twilight Sparkle had of absconding from her eventual and inevitable doom became sucked out of her chest. Her fate was sealed.

“That’s odd weather,” Applejack mentioned. Barbra blinked, shrugged, wiped her mouth, and read the newest letter from the prince.

My Dearest Student,

As you know, and quite certainly I know from all of the letters you won’t stop sending to me, The Grand Galloping Gala is right around the corner. As always, it is always imperative that you must come to improve on culture – and all of that nonsense. Because I have issued a decree, per my executive power, I hereby declare you will remain in Ponyville until you made friends—not just ‘special meaning-acquaintances’ like that would change the narrative of me buying you a house in Ponyville at all. Also, the study of friendship is now a legitimate topic and you will send me Friendship reports from now on, every week. Starting today.

Upon this new information, I have made it an assignment. You will come to The Grand Galloping Gala this year, it is MANDITORY and NON-NEGOTIABLE that your attendance and compliance is present. I have made it into an assignment. You will fail this assignment if you do not meet the following criteria or if do not come at all. Failure will lead to a very disappointed mentor.

Barbra’s attendance is irrelevant. She is welcome to attend if she wishes (I suspect this is highly unlikely). This mostly applies to you, Twilight.

Your criteria are as follows—Attendance. Tactfulness. Appearance. Presentation of Self. Compliance.

I do not doubt you will attend. I look forward to it.

—With Love and Care,

Solaris.

P.S: Again, there is an ulterior motive for the firm hoof.

P.S.S: I changed the invitation from “Twilight Velvet Sparkle & Barbra da Draco” to “Twilight Velvet Sparkle, plus date.” You won't be allowed entry without your plus one.

“Plus WHAT?!?!” Twilight exclaimed. She didn’t know what she was feeling, if it was shame or indignation. “This has to be some kind of sick joke! Failure?! Friendship reports?! A BLOODY DATE?!?! Where in Solaris’ nonexistent shaving cream will I get a date!? I’ve never been on one in my whole life!”

“Quit being a Nancy colt,” Barbra snorted, “It’s not the end of the world.”

“It’s the end of the world as I know it,” Twilight Sparkle rambled. “I’m going to blink and suddenly, Solaris is pushing me onto an alter with somepony who he probably never met!”

“Twi’…”

“I’m doomed! I can’t get a date if I even TRIED!”

“Twi’,”

“I’m going to fail Solaris and he’s going to be disappointed with me!”

“TWI’, GOSH DARNIT” Applejack snapped a branch to get the mare’s attention because of the lack of fingers. “You’re drillin’ one of mah trees wit’ yer horn!”

Twilight blinked, she was walking into a tree. She pried herself out of the tree and she popped out onto the ground. Barbra and the apples fell onto the grass. Twilight Sparkle fell right on her haunches

“Sorry,” Twilight apologized.

“Forget about it,” Applejack waved a hoof in dismissal. “Besides, Ah could be yer date.”

“Wait what?” Twilight Sparkle blinked, her panic levels raised way above outburst and getting dangerously close to full-on alicorn meltdown. This was cold-war levels kind of paranoia, Defcon 2, and it was getting too close for any iota of comfort.

“Keep it together, cowgirl,” Applejack managed to say before Twilight became one hundred percent nuclear. “Ya see, mah family’s in a mighty tight spot... money wise…”

Everypony knows that anypony who’s anypony goes to the Grand Galloping Gala. Even at an invitation-only event, the Gala holds a guest list of roughly 2,500 visitors, each with their pockets full of jingling bits and their stomachs a’roaring.

This is where I come in.

If I were to open up one stand, just one stand, every single one of those uptight billionaires and fancy aristocrats, who don’t know a good apple pie from a pie fished out of the trash, would line up to get some homemade Apple family love, edible and deluxe edition. Remastered with DLC packs, all of them packed with all of the love a trust-fund college brat can enjoy. My family will be practically swimming in their bits. They may even like my cooking so much; they might want to open a trading contract, just like the Rich family!

Why, with all that money, we could really fix up the place, like replacing that saggy old roof on the barn, that saggy old plow, and we could even pay fer Gran-Pappy’s neck operation! Think about it, Twi’! The crazy old stallion could dance the night away again! With all that surplus of profit, if you want, we could even give some money to charity, so the school and library could have some new fancy-schmancy learning stuff!

Somethin’ special, like a ‘tahbit’ or whatever it’s called!

“That’s brill, Apple—oof!” Barbra continued to chuck apples out the saddlebags with bogus excuses like ‘Too phallus looking’ and ‘this one looks like your dreams, Twilight!’. The apple that was supposedly shaped like Twilight’s dreams was casted out of Barbra’s claws, it thwacked Twilight on the head and landed between Twilight Sparkle and Applejack.

It landed in a dry mud. Synonymously, that dream was crushed by the hooves of a certain cyan pony with jagged rainbow mane, who was falling from the tree Twilight was previously drilling into.

“Sorry, I was busy doing totally wicked stunts but then I couldn’t help but hear a incredibly sexy mare mention something about the Grand Galloping Gala!” Rainbow Blitz said with confidence, puffing out his chest and flexing his very built muscles for Twilight to gawk at. Twilight wasn’t as much ‘gawking’ as she was trying to register the outright and forward flirt from Rainbow Blitz, at the same time trying to figure out what exactly did he mean by sexy? As in her sex, being female? Or as in some kind of… Oh.

Twilight understood now.

“You were napping in that there tree, weren’tcha?” Applejack deadpanned with an irritated look.

“Uh,” Rainbow Blitz’s chest slightly deflated. “Would it be a lie if I said I wasn’t at first?”

Applejack sucked in breath through his nose before exhaling through his mouth, his breath directed away from them. Applejack removed his Stetson from his head and wiped his forehead before placing it back on. A, a cool and collected Applejack was a lot… lot worse. It was like an icy fury.

“When Ah asked you, earlier, ta’ help harvest an’ carry these apples,” Applejack said coolly. “You told me you had important things to do as captain of th’ weather team.”

“I did,” Rainbow Blitz answered. “Then I got done, flew around and did some kick-flank stunts, and took a nap here.”

“Gosh DAR—” Applejack held his tongue, being careful of what he’s saying before he starts burning bridges with his life-long friend. “Blitz, Ah love ya. Yer like a brother ta’ me, but you have no idea how much Ah hate your laziness and in-api-whatever attitude ta’ get any work done.”

“Ineptitude,” Twilight Sparkle corrected.

“Sparkle!” Rainbow Blitz snapped. “Whose side are you on here?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Why would I need to take sides if I wanted to correct a mispronounced word? It is a civic duty to help ponies with mispronunciation!”

“Grammar Nazi,” Applejack murmured, which earned a glare from Twilight. “What? You’ve been dogging Applebuck to stop usin’ run-on sentences whenever he writes—you made him correct grammar mistakes when he was given that punishment to write a sentence over and over again!”

“Unbelievable,” Twilight puffed.

“Anyways, you’re my bro A.J (sappy stuff aside), but you’re being obtuse to the manner of the situation!” Rainbow Blitz tried to evade, “You think it’s easy being the most radical thing alive?” He paused for a moment, and then continued. “Actually, it’s a walk in the park for me. But what if I wanted to do something wicked cool (like save Equestria for instance, or chug a whole barrel of Zap Apple Cider in one sitting)? I have to recharge my dude-batteries from time to time, just a little.” Applejack snorted, rolled his eyes, and shrugged.

“Yer ‘dude-batteries’ either suck or they weren’t included when yer momma made you,” she deadpanned. “Speakin’ of which, didn’t yer momma ever tell ya not ta spy on other ponies?”

“Jaw it, Farmcolt,” Blitz shushed, causing Applejack to raise an eyebrow and restrain himself from strangling his friend. “The Coolcolt and the Broad are talking.” Blitz turned to Twilight, placing a hoof on the drilled in tree as he stood on his hind legs. Twilight responded to this sudden invasion of her privacy by rearing up and pressing against the tree. “So you have tickets, Sparkle?”

“A-actually…” Twilight rubbed the back of her neck nervously. This was almost reminiscent of her teenage years in the University, when being protégé of Solaris actually meant something to the pea—COMMONERS of Equestria. Jocks in Varsity Jackets hovering over nerds like Twilight, while passerby stallions like Applejack looked on or minded their own business. The good nerd always falls for the bad-colt Jock. Swoon. Not. “I… uh… right, so you see was—”

“She’s taking me!” Applejack flared up. Twilight Sparkle blushed madly, given the context was easy to be mistaken for. “Not you, ya lazy sum’ gun!”

“Like HAY she is taking you, you grass chewing hard-flank!” Rainbow Blitz flared up. He turned back to Twilight. “Him?! Why settle for a stiffer like him when you can take the totally decorated celebrity talking to you?”

“Because Twilight’s more of a celebrity than you?” Barbra asked with the straightest face she could manage in this situation. “If anything, you would only become known as the pony Twilight took to the Gala with.”

“Barb.” Blitz looked at the baby dragon. “Not cool, man.” Blitz turned back to Twilight. “Say, why did you freak about the whole ‘disappointed Solaris’ thing?”

“Uh….” Twilight would REALLY love some space between them. Perhaps a whole continent and three seas will suffice. Only if they were on different planets, that is.

“Stiffer!?” Applejack shoved Blitz off of Twilight, who stood next to Barbra. Twilight Sparkle was amazed by the ferocity in each other’s voice, weren’t they supposed to be life-long friends or something?! Barbra felt awkward, being the fourth wheel. “Last Ah recall, Twi’ asked ME! An’ jus’ what do you plan at doin’ at th’ Gala, anyways? Seeing them Dundervolts fly around with their stupid lil’ tricks?”

“Applejack, if you ever call their tricks stupid again, I will sneak into your house on a random night and murder you as you sleep,” Rainbow Blitz said. “If you ever call them ‘Dundervolts’ again, I will personally burn this entire farm down,” Applejack wasn’t moved. “I’m not going to just WATCH them with Twilight, I’m going to JOIN them in the presence of Twilight!”

The Wonderbolts would dazzle the crowd, as always. With everypony watching them, the audience would have no idea what several flavors of awesome would shower them with her presence. Suddenly, a lone rainbow-colored streak in the sky would flash as a speeding object would break the Wonderbolt’s performance. Who is that? WHAT is that?

It’s just me, Rainbow motherbucking Blitz! The crowd would erupt in cheers at my several custom-made flying tricks. And boy, I’ll show all of them! From the Light-Speed Spiral to the Determinative Dash, the crowd would go bonkers at every single bucking minute! They would love me so much; they would get a smoke machine and a DJ, just to make me look more awesome! After being blown away with my performance, the Wonderbolts will welcome me into their ranks with open hooves.

“Oi, Rainbow Blitz!” my incredibly hot Canterlis nerd would call out. “Pip, pip! I think you’re the bloody coolest wanker I ever had my eyes to lay upon! Cheerio, Pip-pip! I could never ever think about having tea and crumpets with you! All I ever drink is tea alone!”

“Thanks,” I’d say nonchalantly (whatever that means). “But you’re wrong, Twilight. In fact, I think I’ll lower my standards just this once, just to hang out with you a while.”

“R-r-r-r-really?” she’d stutter in that motherbucking adorable accent. “Y-y-y-you do that?”

“Sure, why not?” I’d answer. “But let’s make this quick, I just got accepted into the Wonderbolts, and I don’t wanna keep them waiting.”

“Jolly good show! Jolly good show!” she’d blurt out, practically orgasming. “Ohhh Blitz~” She would moan my name, unable to keep her hooves off of me. “I can’t take this game of playing hard to get anymore! Take me!”

“With pleasure,” And then we’d have the best, mind-exploding sex ever. Like the kind of sex where you can’t walk for two whole days, kind of bump, thus I will be immortalized by her as her first groupie.

“I can’t believe you sat through all of that without puking,” Barbra mused at Twilight, who was visibly disgusted.

“Solaris Blimey…” Twilight shuddered a little. “I swallowed it.”

“Rainbow, that there’s th' silliest story Ah’ve ever heard,” Applejack said, pulling Blitz out of his quixotic fallacy. “Th’ Wonderbolt don’t even perform at th’ Gala! Besides, she asked me first, ain’t that right Twi’?”

“Actually, Applejack, you asked me, if we’re open,” corrected Twilight. “And I’m not sure if you can go without ponies seeing us as a couple, which might be a bad thing for the both of us.”

“Yeah! So the ticket’s mine!” Cheered Rainbow Blitz. “Suck on that, Farmcolt!”

“I never said that!” Twilight exclaimed, and was ignored.

Twilight Sparkle’s eye twitched, she was getting tired of these shenanigans really quick. In fact, she was even starting to think taking either one of them will be a horrible idea because of the repercussions that would strain the friendships with her special-meaning acquaintances.

“Oh, yeah?” said Applejack, his anger rising. “Well, Ah challenge ya ta a hoof-wrassle fer it!”

“I’m all game, Blondike!” And with that, the two stallions were locked in a ruthless close quarters skirmish, with the gladiator being a nearby stump. Each pony was instantly pressed to their physical limits as Solaris’ mighty sun beat down on them. Truly, this was a hoof-wrestle for the centuries! Unfortunately, the winner would not be determined because of Twilight breaking the two up.

This time, they just argued bickered relentlessly

All the while they were arguing, Twilight kept being the middle mare keeping them apart from ripping and tearing into one another. Twilight’s irritation meters were going up and rising past the point of cooling off through any meditation. To any other pony, it would look like Twilight was playing mediator. To Barbra and any other dragon worth their salt, it was a classic case of Auspisticism. Really, really complicated stuff—dragon relationships were.

Applejack struggled in Twilight’s magic. “Buck you!”

Rainbow Blitz struggled along with Applejack. “Buck you!”

“Both of you need to calm down!” Twilight stamped her hoof, stomping on an apple and crushing the poor victim of war. “Crickey! This is MY decision! This ticket nor me is some trophy to fight for!”

“Yeah, it is,” Applejack disagreed.

“Yeah, you are,” said Rainbow Blitz at the same time.

“You’re both wrong,” Twilight shook her head, but she was ignored once again.

Rainbow Blitz stamped his hoof. “Don't you see, Twilight? This could be my one chance to show 'em my stuff. You gotta take me!”

“Ah ain’t gonna repeat mahself again,” Applejack flared up once more. “Ah asked fer that ticket first.”

“Okay? Rainbow Blitz snorted. “That doesn't mean you own it.

“Twilight!”

“Twilight!”

All too soon, they begin to flood Twilight.

“Drummin' up business fer th’ farm?”

“A chance to audition for the Wonderbolts?”

Applejack insisted. “Money t' fix Gran-Pappy's neck.”

“Living the dream!” Rainbow Blitz mooned.

When Twilight couldn’t give a coherent answer, they went back to sizing each other up. The tension was so thick; you couldn’t even cut it with a lightsaber.

The stallions disregarded her entirely now and stared down each other, ready to start a no-holds-barred brawl, possibly involving Twilight in referee clothes, an octagon ring, a hearse on standby, and some barbed wire. Three whole minutes passed, and not a word was spoken.

“Ahem!” Thinking that Twilight is a horrible auspistice, Barbra cleared her throat loudly. “Say, lads? How about we discuss this after lunch, maybe there can be even something of a compromise?”

Note to self, give Barbra a big huge kiss. “Right, I’m famished! I’ll get back to you on the Gala ticket after lunch, I promise.”

“I (Ah) can treat you (y’all) to lun—” Both stallions begun before Barbra gave them a glare worthy making Solaris feel degraded with his own disappointing stare.

“No.” Barbra answered for Twilight as she absconded from the farm hastily.

Applejack peered at Blitz. Blitz returned his glance. They nodded simultaneously for they both knew what must happen. Both athletes grip each other’s hooves and shook it, it was a dance of thorns. A contest to win over Twilight’s favor and earn that ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala while the loser bites their dust.

Twilight had already decided the thousandth time Barbra asked. Twilight Sparkle trotted nervously in the direction of her favorite restaurant. It was her favorite because the stallion who served her the most was Mandolin from Canterlot! It was always nice to talk to Mandolin, a mint colored unicorn who frantically goes on about ‘humans’. He’s such a sweet heart, if not delusional by the obsessive glamor over the mythological beast. He’s also a homosexual, which is like the golden mine for any mare like Twilight to be frie—err… ‘special meaning acquaintances’ with!

“So, whose gonna be your date?” Barbra teased, pestering Twilight’s already questionable patience. “C’mon, you know you like both of the buggers.”

“I don’t know!” The purple alicorn shouted before conjuring up a pillow to scream into. Barbra was taken aback by the sudden outburst. “If I pick Rainbow Blitz, he’s forever going to think I’m in love with him, that sad sorry bastard! Applejack’s family will suffer for my opportunity cost! If I pick Applejack, Blitz will have an absolute blooming meltdown! ARGH, I DON’T WANT TO TAKE EITHER OF THEM.”

As if that was a cue for Bubble Berry to crash right through the Spa Window, Bubble Berry did so with ease. “Gah! Bats! Bats on my face! Help! Wait, these aren't... tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala?!” Twilight Sparkle shoved her face into her hoof, now the Pink Nightmare wanted part of this roundabout game. “It's the most amazing incredible tremendous super-fun wonderful terrifically humongous party in all of Equestria! I've always always always wanted to go!”

Bubble Berry inhaled, and Twilight knew to cover hear ears for this.

One music piece via context later, Twilight took off the ear muffs while Barbra was trying to make sure she wasn’t deaf herself. Twilight didn’t hear a thing Bubble Berry said and she was glad she didn’t. It would only make telling him twice as hard.

“OH THANK YOU, TWILIY!” Bubble Berry immediately started to kiss all over Twilight’s face, who struggled valiantly to escape the pink clasp of the Pink Demon. Twilight finally managed to pry herself loose when Barbra found a crowbar from Bubble’s tail and pried the two of them together. “FOR THE MOST WONDERFUL-EST GIFT EVER!”

“I—what” Twilight was rubbing her face to get the feeling of Bubble Berry’s kisses off of her, still shocked and trying to forget this ever happened. “A-actually—”

“Dear lords, Bubble Berry!” Elusive chastised as he and Butterscotch walk out the door with robes on and towels on their heads. Butterscotch still had a cucumber on his left eye. Twilight sniffed the air and smelled seaweed wraps. Elusive took a look at Twilight. “Twilight, my fair mare, I believe you caught me in an awkward and revealing situation!”

“Not at all,” Twilight thought she finally managed to get the unpleasant feeling of being forcefully kissed—not just on her lips but everywhere on her face. She decided not to tell Elusive, for Elusive might commence pistol duels with Bubble Berry and Prince Artemis. “I was just telling Bub—”

“She’s taking me to the Grand Galloping Gala!” Bubble Berry bounced. “Whoop-sce-be-doo! Doop-sha-levity-doo!”

“I am n—”

Elusive cut Twilight off. “The gala? I design ensembles for the gala every year, but I've never had the opportunity to attend. Oh, the society, the culture, the glamour! It's where I truly belong, and where I'm destined to meet her.”

“You said her in italics, that must mean she’s relevant in this subplot!” Bubble Berry asked. “Too bad you’re not going, but I can relay a message! OOO! I’ll throw her a party in your honor! What’s the lucky lady’s name?”

Her.

I would stroll through the gala, and everyone would wonder, "Who is that mysterious mare?" They would never guess that I was just a simple pony from little old Ponyville.

Why, I would cause such a sensation that I would be invited for an audience with Prince Solaris himself and the prince would be so taken with the style and elegance that she would introduce me to her, his niece: the fairest, eligible unicorn mare in Canterlot. Our eyes would meet; our hearts would melt.

Our courtship would be magnificent. I would ask for her hoof in marriage, asking the Princes for blessing, and of course she will say

“Yes!” We would have a royal wedding, befitting a duke, which is [giggles] what I would become upon marrying her, the mare of my dreams.

“That sounds very unobtainable and shallow,” Twilight and Barbra deadpanned simultaneously, but Elusive wasn’t listening.

“My fair mare, I must state my grievances that you would prevent me from meeting my truest love,” Barbra looked hurt. “By inviting Bubble Berry so he could… party. Forgive me for my openness and reaction, but how could you? Hmph.”

“W-well, listen, guys,” Twilight stammered. “I really haven’t decided who gets the extra ticket.”

Elusive and Bubble Berry are snapped out of their trance. “You haven’t?!” They both exclaimed at the same time.

“Um… excuse me, Twilight. I would just like to ask, I mean if that’s all right, if you haven’t given it to someone else…”

“You? You want to go to the Gala?”

Oh, no. I mean, yes, or, actually, kind of. You see, it's not so much the Grand Galloping Gala as it is the wondrous private gated garden that surrounds the dance.

The flowers are said to be the most beautiful and fragrant in all of Equestria. For the night of the gala, and that night alone, would they all be in bloom... and that's just the flora! Don't get me started on the fauna. There's loons and toucans and bitterns, oh my!

Hummingbirds that can really hum, and buzzards that can really buzz. White-blue jays, and red jays, and green jays, pink jays and pink flamingos!

“Gee… that’s… beautiful…?” Twilight was exasperated at this point. “I—”

“Hold it!” Bliz yelled from above a cloud.

“Blitz!” Twilight flinched, “Were you following me?”

“No! Wait…I mean, yes! NONO… I mean, maybe?” Blitz stammered over his words. He backpedaled just right, however. “Look, it doesn't matter. I couldn't risk a goody-four-shoes like you giving that ticket away to just anypony.”

“Wow, she’s like your friend (maybe) and you’re referring to her like a stranger,” Barbra commented but was ignored.

“Wait jus’ another minute!” Applejack came out from behind a tree. Twilight Sparkle rubbed the bridge of her snout with her hoof.

“Oh for crying out loud,” Twilight’s head was starting to hurt and she was hungry. “Did you follow me too? Is this going to be a new thing now?!”

“No,” Applejack answered flatly. “Ah was followin’ this scamp here to makes sure he didn’t try nothin’ funny! Like tryin’ to take mah ticket.”

“Your ticket?!” Blitz roared. “You’re trying to steal my date!”

“But Twilight’s taking me!” Complained Bubble Berry. “AND DATE?! THIS IS NOT CANON, I REFUSE IT.”

“Ahem…” Elusive took the cucumbers off his eyes. “Gentlecolts, we all know whose getting that ticket and it’s me. I will win her heart and that ticket if it kills me.”

Twilight left them to their own accord, thinking they will straighten themselves out before daybreak.

“Well, you’re in a bit of a pinch,” Barbra pointed out, which only made Twilight dip her head back into her pillow and scream as loud as she can again. Twilight felt like she was in a teenage romance movie with one of those shifty platonic love triangles (or hexagons). Of course Twilight has seen these movies and thought them to be of what life would be like in Secondary School like a regular pony would be during the awkward stages of puberty. IT WAS AWFUL AND THE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA WAS AWFUL TOO. (even though Twilight has only seen it happen through a screen)

“Hey, chin up, mate!” Barbra petted Twilight’s ears. This soothed her immediately and she felt like new. Barbra always did this whenever Twilight would get too distraught to see reason, it was sort of like a reset button for her. Barbra is the only one allowed to rub her ears, anyone else who tried (Solaris) almost got their forelegs bitten off by an angst-filled, hormone-fueled, and emotionally susceptible teenage protégé. “C’mon, let’s go get some grub and settle this whole thing out.”

“Nnnnhhh, okay,” Twilight torched the pillow into smoke and continued trotting to the restaurant.

Finally, food for thought and thought for food! Twilight sat hungrily at the table while Barbra completely mashed her hay-fries. Twilight felt disgusted yet impressed by Barbra’s metabolism and eating habits. The greasy hay-fries deeply fried of any and all nutritional value and enough salt to make every beach goer float in the sea!

As Barbra shoveled in a handful of the fries into her awaiting cavern of teeth sharp enough to pierce the heavens, she looked up at Twilight. “Wampf fhum?” She spoke with her mouth full, not even bothering to cover it. Bits of hay and grease fly towards Twilight, who catches the cocktail of saliva, hay, and grease into her magic and puts them in a napkin.

“No thanks,” Twilight shook her head. “I’ll wait for my food.”

Barbra swallowed… well, it was more like gulped a lump the size of Twilight’s head. Twilight has seen this before and it never ceases to amaze her. Snake like properties among with the diet of a goat! Truly amazing.

Twilight decided to keep this comment to herself, as any good mare with respect does.

“Your daisy sandwich with extra turnip paste, and shall I refill your teacup, Ms. Sparkle?” Mandolin asked in a formal tone. It was like Mandolin was in the military with all of this sharpness, what happened to the eccentric colt from two months ago when Twilight left Canterlot? “Also, are you going to eat in the rain?”

“Mate, you don’t have to be so formal, it’s a little unnerving,” Twilight Sparkle assured the mint colored colt. “You’re going to get a generous tip, I assure you. What rain? I don’t see any rain.”

“Between you and me, Sparkle,” Mandolin leaned into Twilight’s ears and whispered. “I am only being a shock-troop like this because my boss is a blooming nightmare! He expects us to be military precision! I’m going bonkers but I need this job, so could you please just play along?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, please do,” Twilight whispered right back. “It’s good to see you, Mandolin, we should catch up sometime.” Twilight bit the inside of her cheek as she thought outloud.

“Oh my lord!” Mandolin, through a hushed giggle, gave a grin. “Are you asking if we can hang out?” Mandolin raised an eyebrow playfully, “Who are you and what have you done to the mare next door, who never walked out of it?”

“Being forced out of my comfort zone,” Twilight admitted. “Still, you and Bon-Bon are always welcome to come to the library and we can watch—”

“Surelock Homes!” Mandolin finished for Twilight. Twilight held her breath, waiting for the answer to her half-hearted and uncooked idea. Mandolin looked over his shoulder and gulped. “Look, I’ll hold you on that offer… Twilight was it?”

Twilight nodded.

“Well, it’s been nice being chummy but I gotta get back to work,” Mandolin conjured up a kettle of hot tea and poured it into Twilight’s teacup. Twilight Sparkle’s eyebrows furrowed as she witnessed the entire laws of quantum physics being broken into two like twigs. “Good day!”

“How did you—okay, you too...?” Twilight decided to drop the impossibility and take a sip from her refilled Teacup. Barbra looked between Twilight Sparkle and Mandolin, raising an eyebrow. “Oh hush, he’s not into mares.”

“Ah,” Barbra wiped her mouth with her arm. The savage! “So you have a gay friend finally?”

“Barbra! You can’t just say that willy-nilly!” Twilight chastised through hushed teeth. “For starters, he is another one of my ‘special-meaning acquaintances’ and we don’t even know if homosexuality is accepted in Ponyville like in Canterlot!”

“I don’t see why it matters,” Barbra shrugged and turned to some random stallion with an assortment of berries for a cutie mark. “Excuse me, sir, but are you a colt-cuddler?”

“Am I?!” The stallion held up a ring and a minty blue stallion with hair that reminded Twilight of toothpaste. The toothpaste stallion had a cutie mark of a toothbrush. “Why, I’m married to this one!” The stallion then proceeded to carry the toothpaste haired stallion like a suitcase into the store.

“Uh… sure,” Barbra replied before turning back to a confused Twilight Sparkle. The stallions were now inside the restaurant. “Oh.”

“…” Twilight Sparkle said nothing and took a bite of her sandwich. This sandwich is absolutely amazing! It’s nutritious, it’s delicious, it’s—

Wait a minute. Those colt-cuddlers were rushing inside when Barbra turned to bother them. Speaking of Barbra, where the dickens is she? Why did she run inside on a clear sunn—Oh screw this oblivious thought, Twilight knew exactly what the hay is going on.

Twilight turned her head upwards. “BLITZ!” Twilight yelled into the patch of clouds that allowed the rays of sunlight. Like a groundhog (more like skyhog), Rainbow Blitz popped his head through the patch of clouds.

“Hey, I was just thinking of you!” Blitz gave a confident and friendly smile, but Twilight saw right through him.

“Blitz,” Twilight Sparkle groaned. “I can’t take this along with everything else, so please – no favors, it won’t work.”

Blitz looked insulted, but he wasn’t. “Twilight! You would actually think that I would go out of my way to do this for some lousy—epic bucking ticket that will make all of my dreams come true and allow me to do all I want.”

“I don’t know if you just flirted with me or if you’re actually starting to think I am your marefriend...” Twilight Sparkle shook her head, right now is not the time to get your priorities mixed up! “Nevermind, NO. FAVORS.”

“Twi—”

“NO FAVORS, NOW COVER UP THAT SUN AND LET ME EAT IN THE RAIN!”

“If you insist,” Blitz pulled the cotton-like cloud over the whole. Now Twilight can enjoy her meal! It’s nutritious, it’s delicious, it’s—

Soggy.

Twilight Sparkle was now Drenchlight Wetkle. Her mane was plastered to her eyes, but she knew every stallion that wasn’t hooked with another pony was staring at Twilight. She could feel their eyes burning into her soul. Twilight moved the mane right from her eyes. She gripped the soggy sandwich so hard, it crumbled within her hoof grasp.

“To the one pony in town I know who’s not gone completely bonkers,” Twilight toasted sourly as she held up the rain filled teacup. “Yet.” Twilight took a sip of the rain and spat it out. It tasted salty.

Author's Note

The Original Artist

Act One|Chapter One|From Canterlot, With Love.(1/2)

Twilight Sparkle's Unwanted Love Life

By TheSarcasticJudge

“There, done. Much better, and without the hassle of reading the word 'you' or 'me' in almost every line break of a sentence,” Twilight Sparkle murmured to herself as she stretched her wings, eager to step away from the typewriter. Editing scientific journals was tough work, especially from egotistical idiots who believe they have all the answers because they have a brief understanding of magic. “I can't believe I let him convince me to edit and publish this rubbish.”

“Blimey, you're done already? It's only been an hour!” A voice calls from downstairs, “It took me weeks to even get past the first few thousand pages of the summery!”

“Magic cannot cure illnesses, Barbra,” Twilight Sparkle snorted, “The article is about comparing the effects of Vitamins with magic, which is absolutely ludicrous.”

“Why not?” Inquired Barbra, “What would happen?”

Twilight hummed. “Nnhhh... okay, you know how evolution works, right?”

“Of course, you wouldn't let me sleep until I could tell you how selective breeding worked blindfolded while spinning around three times,” retorted Barbra.

“If a 'thing' is used to kill a pathogen, then those with the DNA most resistant to the administered 'thing' becomes more pathogens with DNA most resistant to the 'thing',” lectured Twilight, “Then the 'thing' becomes obsolete.”

“Like magic?”

“Especially like magic,” Twilight reinstated. “Believe it or not, some things are resistant to magic. Magic is a science and it should be treated as such, not this limitless miracle maker like this quack who wrote this – quote on quote – medical journal made it out to be.”

“Interesting,” concluded Barbra.

“...”

“...?”

“...Barbra I need a favor,” Twilight began, “Where did you put Predictions and Prophecies?”

“Oh no, we're not going to start this again!” Barbra's voice changed from curious to annoyed quickly. “You owe it to me for the very least!”

“But Barbra! It's a matter of emergency!” cried Twilight. “All I need is the book!”

“You said that last week about the bloody humans and this stupid book!” argued Barbra, “After you went parading into town ranting about them!”

“Do you realize that the fate of the world hangs in the balance?!”

“I can believe you're editing and publishing that rubbish of a medical journal,” replied Barbra as she climbed up the ladder onto the second story of the huge library. Barbra was a short, purple baby dragon with green fins protruding out of her cheeks. Green spikes, mistakenly called fins, also exist on the top of her head all the way down to the base. “Because your stupid letter on humans nearly caught Solaris in a bad mood, he's docking our stipends!”

“The existence of intellectual, bipedal organisms is not stupid, Barbra,” argued Twilight, “They, perhaps, provide grave danger to Equestria!”

“You sound just like that mint bloke, what was his name? Lyra or something?” Retorted Barbra, “I'm not getting you that blasted book just so you can write a letter wasting the prince's time, YET AGAIN, and this time on the story of Night-Terror Knight!”

“They, perhaps, provide grave danger to Equestria!” repeated Twilight Sparkle, disregarding Barbra entirely. “And its Mandolin, not Lyra!”

“I'm not getting you the book and that's all there is on the matter,” Barbra rolled her eyes and beckoned Twilight to follow her. “I brewed up some tea, would you care for a cuppa?”

“Nnnhh,” Twilight Sparkle stretched out her hind legs and stood up from her swivel chair and stepped away from her quaint, but anything but large study. Papers, both balled up on the desk and discarded in trash bins, cluttered her work space. Twilight Sparkle, with a quick teleportation spell, poofed out of existence and back again, this time on the lower floor. “Yes actually, I would. I'm exhausted.”

“Maybe staying up for a couple of nights looking into some mediocre foal's bedtime story wasn't the best idea, love,” Barbra chastised, pouring two cups of steaming hot tea. “Actually, while on your health, when's the last time you ate a proper meal? Or took a shower?”

“Okay the shower bit was yesterday,” Twilight Sparkle wasn't lying, although she looked down in embarrassment as she halfheartedly told the answer next. “I think I had food yesterday.”

“Biscuits and cakes don't count as food, Twilight,” Barbra groaned, going into the pantry to pull out bread and a few canned turnips. “By Solaris' beard, Twilight, you're twenty-one years old and you can't even take care of yourself.”

“Gee, you sound just like Mum; I'm sorry, okay?” Apologized Twilight Sparkle as she crossed her front legs in front of her chest. “I'm forgetful sometimes when it comes to these studies and experiments, Barbra, you know this.”

“Screwing around,” corrected Barbra.

“I – sorry, what?”

“You meant screwing around, right?” Barbra finished making some sandwiches to the hidden delight of Twilight. Twilight's belly was already roaring with impatience. “The only difference between experiments and tossing about is writing it down.”

“Moving on,” Twilight waved her hoof in a dismissive manner, “Did you manage to get the mail, and perhaps the newspaper?”

“On the table,” answered Barbra as she came into the living room with a platter of tea cups and a kettle. In the other hand was a platter of canned turnip sandwiches. The living room was smack-dabbed in the middle of the library. The kitchen was in a little room off the right of the main entrance. “Although, I think you might want to skip today's story.”

“I see no rational reason to not be caught up with current events like the dutiful citizen I am,” Twilight declared as she took a seat on her sofa, Barbra sat the platter down and herself down on a seat next to Twilight. Twilight Sparkle picked up the newspaper, The Equestrian Inquirer, and hovered the cup holding the piping hot tea to her lips. “Hmm... the biography of Twilight Sparkle, protege of Solaris and the bastard daughter of our beloved prince?!”

“I tried to warn you,” Barbra quietly and nonchalantly sipped her tea while Twilight continued to read the newspaper.

“THE MUFFIN COLT, Who the bloody hell wrote this! This is slander! I should sue! This newspaper is made by hacks!” Twilight looked up from the newspaper, which claimed to have been the completely ‘accurate’ biography of Twilight Sparkle. “I would never go outside or—”

Barbra stopped Twilight right there.

“That right there is the exact reason why no one really knows about you, Twilight,” calmly explained Barbra. “No one can write a biography about you if you refuse to step outside for more than three minutes without complaining you might get a hernia.”

“Hey! Have you ever had a hernia, Barb?” Twilight rhetorically asked, still looking at her lower body where a small scar resides, “They hurt, Barbra, like a lot.”

“Yeah, I noticed form all the whining you do,” Barbra rolled her eyes as sipped more of her tea. “Literally a year since the surgery.”

“Hey Barbra, I'm not the only one feeling a strange case of déjà vécu, am I?” Twilight Sparkle inquired under her breath.

“Don't you mean déjà vu?”

“No, I mean, this feels like I've lived through this situation before,” Twilight explained. “Déjà vécu.”

“Huh, interesting,” Barbra mumbled before raising her voice slightly. “Twilight, eat.”

“I'm not really hungry,” protested the liar, Twilight Sparkle.

“Are you seriously doing this now?” Barbra's eye twitch was most adorable thing that hid the fury of a dragon Twilight has ever seen. “This is childish, Twilight, just eat! Please!”

Twilight didn't answer, turning her nose upwards in the best representation of what a spoiled brat refusing to eat would look like, she didn't have any trouble imitating what that would be. Although Twilight hated playing Barbra's concern for her wellbeing against the assistant, it was the best method of convincing her to do whatever she wants without further protest.

“If I get you that darn book,” Barbra placed down her tea cup with a pissed expression on her face. “You're going to mow down these sandwiches or so help me Solaris I will tell PMZ about your sock collection!”

Twilight Sparkle gasped, “You wouldn't!”

Barbra was already up and about, getting the ladder to reach a secret compartment. Upon this threat, and Twilight Sparkle is not a betting mare so she folded her metaphorical cards immediately, she began to wolf down the canned turnip and cream cheese sandwiches.

They were not too bad, actually.

“Here, you unimaginatively stubborn...” Barbra mumbled as she picks up a quill and parchment. “We've done this song and dance before, you never ask me to get the book unless you want to write something to Solaris.”

“Right... hey, I'm sorry about the... you know,” Twilight waved a hoof in a circular motion, “Manipulation.”

“Water under the bridge,” sighed Barbra, “Hurry up, tea's getting cold.”

“Hold on, I got to say it formally...Barbra, take a letter.”

Dear Prince Solaris,

Regarding my last report of Night-Terror Knight, and how his inevitable return would be in my lifetime, I have conducted a full analyses of the myth and concluded it to be completely true and placed into history. You should have gotten it along with the (very true) written analysis of bipedal creatures of mythology named Humans.

While you pass it off as fodder, the evidence that Equestira’s history provides otherwise – as there is a black spot in history that was claimed to be destroyed in an uprising against Harmony.

However, in the state of emergency, I feel the need for preparations of the defense against Night-Terror Knight to be implicated in a timely manner for the fate of Equestria hangs in the balance.

Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle

“Excellent,” Twilight grinned in relief, she sighed in joy knowing that she has given her teacher, and more importantly, the citizens of Equestria a huge service. “Now I’ll just wait for the response and get ready to get into the fallout shelter…”

“Hold on a second,” Barbra expelled fire and out popped a scroll.

“Already a reply!” Twilight mused, “And a lengthy one at best! Whoa! This time he must be taking me seriously!”

“Hold on,”

“What does it say? Deploy the Royal Marines? Evacuate Canterlot? Call all able citizens to take up arms in the last stand against absolute tyranny?”

“It says to go get laid or something,” answered Barbra with a completely straight face.

“...pardon?”

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

You really need to go get laid or something,

I honestly pray that you have not been eating those medicinal plants again, because this is the kind of letter I would have received from a drug addict having a horrible trip. And I know a bad trip when I see one. Such as the letter you sent me explaining the effects of 'Volt' in very detail and vivid description.

I want you to get life, my student! You are a twenty-one-year-old grown mare nosing around a bedtime story, you're too old to be doing this nonsense and calling the boogie-colt real with this so-called ‘evidence’ is nothing more than a historical mishap.

Although I am the most reliable source of history, including prehistoric subjects, I am not perfect.

This evidence you provided in your last report, along with the report of humans, is wrong Twilight. I don't' know why you always have to be correct, especially in these reports to me. It's okay to be wrong once in a while, I completely understand! What I don't understand is why everything has to be so complicated and analytical with you, the story is just what it is: fantasy.

Go outside, for once, and make friends with anything – I don’t care if it’s even breathing or moves – at least make an effort to get attached to an earthworm.

Get a pet.

Or a hobby, either or works.

Or better yet, you’re twenty-one now—Twilight—as I said; go get laid or something. Stop looking into bedtime stories to scare foals into not leaving their beds and go be an irresponsible adult! Do some drugs, drink some alcohol, have fun!

(Never in my life had I ever had a student who refused to rebel me in their teenage years, and I still can’t believe I have to tell you to disobey my Health Class so you don’t end up alone)

There's more to life than studying and looking at literal soft-core porn in a body-builder magazine! (Yes, I have read your mail and internet history. That is all there is to say on the matter.)

Once you’re sober, and I hope you’re not sober as your reading this, pack your luggage. I have a new assignment that requires you to move out of your home and go to a town called Ponyville. (It’s literally two miles south of here, you can’t miss it if you take a train.)

Watch over the Summer Sun Celebration and get acquainted with your new home, your lab has also been relocated to your new home. You will report on what you find in the environment instead of medical journals that quacks have written.

That, and I accidentally sold your house in a game of Texas Hold-Em, and might not get it back. I think I have a problem.

So all in all: Get a life.

—Your very concerned teacher,

Solaris.

P.S: I’m not joking, I would rather you be a mare who is addicted to partying and destroying your organs than a mare who ends up a serial killer in her thirties.

P.S.S: Okay, don’t destroy your organs, keep the partying to a minimum. Just stop being a cave dweller.

P.S.S.S: I actually sold your house, on the back of the scroll is an eviction notice taped on. The address is also on the back.

P.S.S.S.S: Make sure you tell the males you do end up wooing (doubtful but I'm hopeful) to wrap it before they tap it.

P.S.S.S.S.S: There’s an ulterior motive of me booting you out of Great Canterlot, you bloody nerd, stop reading and go make some friends.

Heart breaking is probably the term Twilight Sparkle would probably tell the future generations how the ride to Ponyville went, crestfallen is the best answer she had to herself regarding the aftermath of the lengthy letter that was nothing but dismissive and critique to Twilight Sparkle as a pony by none other than Prince Solaris himself.

Twilight Sparkle was no stranger to having her works or theories challenged, as a pony that specialized in Practical Magical Sciences and Theoretical Magical Studies, there's a lot of margin for error and her critics and rivals made that very clear.

To succeed? That's all Twilight Sparkle ever strive for, was success and validation of her ingenuity. She gets plenty of validation from Prince Solaris, of course, but to be viewed as 'Smart' and 'Brilliant' is perhaps her ultimate goal in life.

To be dismissed as some crackpot with too much imagination is perhaps worst thing to ever be said to the poor mare, now Twilight had her run in with this dismissive feeling during her final exam at the University for Gifted Unicorns but this is different! Prince Solaris has always had Twilight's back, took her every thought and hypothesis with careful yet deep consideration. Solaris who helped Twilight with inhibiting her uncontrolled usage of magic, Solaris who—

“Twilight, look alive!” Barb nudged Twilight Sparkle out of her little mopey thought trance, Twilight Sparkle shook her head was snapped in reality. “We're here, in Ponyville! Let's go mosey about!”

“No,” Twilight Sparkle shot down firmly as she looked about with disdain and cynicism. Ponyville was rural, the markets were made of wood and hay while the buildings were made with bricks and mortar. The roads were made of dirt and gravel whilst the sidewalks were nonexistent. Twilight Sparkle guessed they didn't exactly use taxis services, with the town being small and all.

“Besides,” continued Twilight as she still eyes the surroundings before looking upwards to the skies above. The clouds were scattered and a cool breeze of the afternoon clashed with the beaming sun. “This is our new home, as weird as it may be, we don't have the luxury of being odd ones out.”

“You're an alicorn, love, I don't know too many pony-sized... well, ponies, who has horns and wings and AREN'T royalty,” groaned Barbra as she climbs onto Twilight's back, (“Ouch, watch the wings!”) much to the disdain of the purple alicorn. Twilight Sparkle thought about what she said before Barbra spoke up again. “Trying to fit in is out of the question, no joke intended.”

“Have I ever told you how snarky you sound when you prove me wrong?”

“Look at the pot calling the kettle black,” Barbra rolls her eyes before lying on her back which rests on Twilight’s back, “Anyways, what’s the first thing on the list?”

“Oh, erm,” Twilight unfurled the checklist she wrote on the trip from Canterlot, using magic of course. “Food— oof!”

She hadn’t even realized she was walking and she bumped into a pink stallion, with even pinker mane, as a result. The stallion’s facing the other direction and he seems to tense up when Twilight speaks.

“Sorry!” Twilight smiled sheepishly, embarrassment etched across her cheeks. “I wasn’t paying any bother to the road…” Here’s a good chance to knock off the make some friends part of the letter. “My name’s Twilight Sparkle, I’m from Great Canterlot, could you point me in the direction of… erm…”

Back to the checklist, which the name Sweet Apple Acres is neatly (chicken scratch) written on. Twilight looks back up to the pink stallion.

“Ah yes, could you point me in the direction of Sweet— mother of Solaris' beard, you're shaking, why are you shaking?” The Pink Stallion is shaking. What the devil? “Was it something I said?”

“You alright there, mate?” Barbra looks over Twilight’s mane and unicorn.

The stallion turns around, with the straightest face – no – the most serial killer-like face only a mother could ‘love’—quote on quote. The pink pony jumped AND HOVERED at least three meters for at least a whole three minutes in the air as his eyes became as wide as wheels on a chariot.

The absolute madman then lets out a sharp gasp that shakes Twilight’s ears, a gasp that lasted for a good thirty seconds; a breath that could put the best diver in Equestria to shame before hightailing it to kingdom come and back and then to Solaris-Knows-Where--leaving a trail of dust and two very confused and concerned females. (To Twilight Sparkle, this was exactly the criteria she needed and more to reporting this pony to the loony-bin. To us, as my man, meme-asaurus said: it was a warm security blanket called “continuity.”) Twilight Sparkle stares after the stallion as he takes a left and disappears, her eyebrow twitching from the sudden incident.

After the initial shock faded, she went ahead and asked a different pony for directions. This time without the super-equine feats.

“I was almost arrested, and then got let off,” Twilight deadpans, continuing her story about the case of the Stolen Forbidden Scroll as she trots down the dirt path road to Sweet Apple Acres. “Obviously, I didn't do it; but no one wants to be the one who arrested Solaris’s protégé, no one.”

“Not even your sister?”

“Yeah, we’re not even going to touch that thing with a three thousand light year pole, chum,” Twilight shrugs, continuing to walk the path.

“Say, why doesn’t Gleaming Shield visit you anymore?” Barbra inquired, but gives an exasperated look at Twilight when Twilight peered back at Barbra with a look of indignation. “You don’t exactly share everything with me, you know!”

“Yes, Spines, I do,” Twilight shakes her head, “Except for this one, I’ll tell you another time.”

An awkward silence falls over them. Twilight was hoping it was just a natural silence and not that slip of a tongue she caught.

“Did you call me Spines?” Barbs snorted, suppressing a giggle. Dammit, she caught it. “That’s the third time this month! Pay up!”

Groaning, Twilight levitates twenty bits into the claws of Barbra.

Finally, they reach what Twilight could conclude was the poorest farm she had ever seen. Twilight has not seen many barns in her day, being a city-filly and all.

There was a barn, a couple of farming tools, and a what seemed to be hundreds of acres of apple trees. A sign hanged above Twilight on rusty hinges that looks as if it might fall at any amount of pressure, 'Sweet Apple Acres'.

“Look at that absolute madman, bucking away at the trees instead of just picking them naturally, he's going to break his legs!” Barbs commented as Twilight inches close the farm pony. “Oh snap, I take that back, he's gonna break the trees before he breaks a bone.”

The farm stallion was even taller than the pink Tasmanian Devil, and with twice as much muscle. Just being next to him already made Twilight Sparkle's hind legs quiver with an anxious feeling.

The farm stallion turned his head behind him and lifted his Stetson hat, underneath was a sweaty face with freckles. He had beautiful eyes the color of the ripest green apples money can buy. Barbra mused at the idea this stallion might be a stud (equine for 'male stripper').

The stallion caught Twilight's gaze and peers at Twilight, who was frozen mid-step like a deer in some headlights. The stallion has a still look on his face, seemingly thinking. The stallion approaches and Twilight second guesses every life choice she had made up to this point, especially her decision to start from the top of the list.

Well, this is how I die, Twilight pessimistically thought as she prepares for the absolute brutal way to die.

“Well I’ll be a son of a pug!” The stallion greeted with vigor-like friendliness. “Ah have gotten a letter from th’ Prince a day early! Ah was expectin’ some pony! Ah received word that some city-folks were coming over, so I tidied up the farm – real nice!”

“…is that right?” Twilight replied with a small voice, still threatened by entire three-inch advantage that this orange stallion had over her. Twilight quickly placed space between them and cleared her throat, hoping to try and “”

“Hold on a second!” Twilight’s heart froze when the stallion’s voice raised up, realizing she wasn’t going anywhere. “Ah ain’t as stupid as Ah thought! You must be them!” Applejack pointed at the wings on Twilight’s back. It wasn’t entirely hard to miss, an alicorn who was non-royal hasn’t existed for quite some time. “You must be that mare.”

“Actually, I am. This is Barbra and…” Twilight nodded over her shoulder, to Barb for help – but Barb was off and about, helping a yellow foal push a bucket of apples. “..and she’s helping that colt over there.”

“Hold on there, cowgirl, Apple Buck gots to do his own work!” The stallion smiles brightly after Barbra’s helpfulness, he then turned back to Twilight. Barbra returning back to Twilight’s back helped her confidence a small bit but not anywhere of mentioning. “What can Ah do ya fer, Sugarcube?” As he finished that sentence, he crossed his front hooves and gave a small wink. As a result of this action, Twilight Sparkle fumbled the football she called a brain and punt kicked it for an idea of what her response should be.

Is this… is this Yankee flirting with me? She wondered. As soon as this thought came into her football she called a brain, she sacked the Idea Quarterback. I don’t think so; it must be that southern hospitality I heard of so much. I guess it’s only right for me to return the gesture. Weird.

Twilight Sparkle offers her hoof, which the stallion is completely taken aback by the nature of how she offered her right hoof – not exactly in a traditional hoof-shake for any warm blooded Ponyville Americolt – as Twilight expected a kiss on the hoof and a gentle-colt’s greeting, formally.

(Be note that this is the formal way Great Canterlot noble-colt and noble-mares greet each other if they are meeting somebody of nobility of some sort, otherwise two citizens will completely and utterly go out of their ways to stay out of each other’s way.)

Whoa nelly, Ah’ve only met this mare and she’s offerin’ her hoof in marriage? The stallion thought frantically, instinctually running his hoof through his pony-tail mane. Naw, can’t be. Must be how they great each other upstate! Weird.

“My name is – waugh!” The stallion takes her right hoof and shakes it vigorously, completely throwing the entire façade Twilight tried to pull out of the ballpark. Twilight couldn’t do much except allow her right leg to wiggle like a wet noodle.

“Ah forgot my manners! Ah can hear Grand-pappy screaming in my ears now!” He's. Still. Not. Stopping. The. Hoof. Shake. “The name’s Applejack, proud member of th’ Apple Family!”

Applejack released Twilight’s hoof and like a rope that’s been rocked up and down – all of the energy in the leg went up into Twilight’s body and she wiggled. Twilight Sparkle’s leg drooped and it was flat and flaccid as a wet noodle. “Well, Ah can’t keep callin’ y’all ‘Missus’ forever! Y’all got a name?”

“Twilight Sparkle—Crickey, I think you turned my hoof to jelly!” Twilight flexed her foreleg and then stomped it on the ground to disperse the pins and needles.

“If Ah wanted to, Ah’d turn it to jam!” Applejack joked, which Twilight gave a look that screamed of sincere concern until Applejack gave a hoot of a laugh. “Haha, Ah’m just pullin’ yer leg, Twilight!”

“Smashing,” Twilight Sparkle remarked dryly. Twilight Sparkle murmured her grievances about this stupid town and corrected her lady-like posture. “I have come here to oversee the banquet the Apples have prepared. Hopefully, foreleg jam isn’t on the menu.”

“Haha, why not come check it out fer yerself?” Applejack trotted over to a tree and wrung a steel rusty bell. “SOUP’S UP!” he yelled while yelled in shift-key (because he’s no filly who uses caps-lock). “Y’all two lucky ta come here first, Sparkler, because today’s th’ Apple Family Reunion!” Applejack chuckled as he laughed at his own joke meanwhile a large group of ponies begun to pour out of the house next to the barn.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Twilight Sparkle shook her head, maybe she didn’t make herself clear enough. “Barbra and I are here to see what’s being served at the Summer Sun Celebration, you don’t have to introduce me to your whole family.”

“That’s the best thing about mah family!” Applejack mused, “Ah can do both at the same time!”

Oh boy, Twilight thought.

“We got Apple Cobbler, Apple Strudel, Carmel Apples, Jack Daniels, Hard Apple Cider an' his brother - Soft Apple Cider, Apple Strudel, Apple Poptart, Apple Salad, Cousin Jazz Apples, Apple Wine, Ant’ & Uncle Orange, Blood Orange, Orange Crush, Tangerine—she’s just adorable ain’t she?” Applejack smiles at the small little filly in Orange Crush’s orange hooves.

Whoa boy that’s a lot of names Twilight Sparkle’s OCD brain’s going to make her remember. Twilight Sparkle offered a passive smile as she fumbled for a response, but Applejack continued with introductions to characters that mean little to no relevancy.

“On my side of the family: little Apple Buck, Red Gala, and finally, Gran-Pappy Smith.” Applejack finally names some ponies that will be relevant later. He then nodded over to a green, sleeping elder who’s unconsciously rocking on a really old chair. “Come on Gran-pappy Smith! Look alive! We’ve got company!”

Gran-Pappy Smith snorted awake, a teddy bear in his hooves and a red cap on his head. He noticed Twilight Sparkle and gave a sweet smile as his dentures flew out of his mouth. “Ah got it! Ah got it!” Apple Buck, the cream colt that was pushing the barrel of apples, caught it with a glass of water.

“Everypony, this is Missus Twilight Sparkle and Barbra, and they’s gonna be joinin’ us for brunch!” Applejack spoke for a discombobulated Twilight Sparkle, until Twilight shook her head no. The entire Apple Family and their extended family turned to Twilight and Barbra with expectant toothy grins.

Twilight Sparkle turned to the right.

Twilight was unsure how to feel about all of the attention directed at her, especially by Applejack's very hot cousin - Jazz Apple.

Twilight Sparkle didn't know why Jazz Apple was wearing those stockings or why Twilight Sparkle found her visually appealing.

“Oh… Applejack,” Twilight Sparkle sighed as she tried to think what she was going to say next. Twilight Sparkle chewed her tongue as all the lights in her brain shut off as if she didn’t pay the electricity bill (which was impossible, because Twilight Sparkle paid for a free sample at the supermarket in Great Canterlot last week). “We can’t, Barbra and I are on a rather tight schedule and we’re running especially late.”

A collection of downbeat sighs, “Aww”, and gasps was expected and delivered. Twilight Sparkle didn’t know whether to feel sorry or should she just hurriedly cut her losses and hightail it out of the farm until Apple Buck tugged on her tail.

“Aintcha gonna stay fer brunch?” asked Apple Blum as his bottom lip quivered with those… eyes of his…

In front of Twilight’s face was two smaller versions of herself arguing with each other, one of them was Twilight Sparkle dressed in a red suit and black tie, holding a pimp cane. The other was Twilight Sparkle dressed in a beautiful white dress, a halo hovered above the head of the illusionary figment of her imagination.

The easiest way to describe them is The Devil and The Angel in Twilight’s conscious.

“No,” Demanded the devil.

“Yes,” argued the angel.

The devil took out a calculator from her suit pocket and plugged in some numbers into the device. “You mustn’t, we’ll be late!”

“You cannot disappoint this cinnamon bun!” The angel couched.

“He’s more of an apple cobbler, but that’s not the point!” The devil groaned.

Barbra made the decision for Twilight Sparkle and her two associates.

“Maybe we’ll have a bagel,” Barbra smiled, Twilight Sparkle looked blankly (“NO!!” Cried the demon). “Two bagels, actually.”

“Reminds me of your Gran-Momma,” Gran-Pappy Smith grinned at Applejack as he watched the two Canterlot guests make their way out of the farm. Especially after Twilight Sparkle. “Mighty cute, big appetite, sum’ brains, and one feisty mare under that shell of hers.”

“She ain’t my mare-friend!” Applejack countered, a blush shooting on his face out of embarrassment. “She’s a guest! Ah would have treated any-pony the same way!”

“Last time Ah checked, you don't peek at our guest's flanks,” Gran-Pappy Smith chuckled. Applejack’s ears roared, he blushed in indignation. “There ain’t no pony more perfect for that mare than an Apple, whatchu waitin’ fer? Go git ‘er!”

“Gran-Pappy!”

“Eugh,” Barbra groaned, she was bloated from the food. “I don’t even want to hear the ‘A’ word anymore…”

“Apple?” Twilight Sparkle’s hooves dragged as she trudged through the streets of Ponyville. Her stomach was so full, she thought it would explode twice. Barbra groaned louder as she heard that ‘A’ word again. “What’s next on the letter, Barbra?”

Barbra unfolded the checklist. “Weather Patrol, the bloke in charge of it is Rainbow Blitz.”

“Well this ‘Rainbow Blitz’ is obviously excellent at his job,” Twilight remarked, scoffing at the cumulous clouds scattered around the sky. “If it was a cloud watching event.”

“Well—”

Barbs stops midsentence.

“Uh…Barbs… do you feel that…?” Twilight’s ear flickers to the right, a booming scream coming out from the heavens and it shook the ground and her as a result.

“…I taste that…” Barbra turned to the left as well. “It’s probably Solaris realizing he lost another round of Poker.”

Meanwhile, in Great Canterlot, in the Throne Room.

Solaris sat on his throne, evilly masterminding everything that has taken place so far. He strokes his glorious, pastel colored beard as he procrastinated with a magical eight ball. He was very salty about losing a round of poker, he lost about one hundred thousand bits to Blueblood - that absolute wanker.

“What in the name of my beard was that?” Solaris blinked as he dropped his magical eight ball, a scream worthy of gods' gods pierced the soundproof barriers of his throne room and shook the Great Canterlot castle like an earthquake splitting the earth in three.

Intermission

The void was filled with magic, dark blue smoke-like magic. The magic that made the Shadow Bolt Commander, followed closely by three officer subordinates, choke slightly.

Vast emptiness of space was the punishment for the Dark Lord himself, to watch over the great stars of the freezing wasteland that was The Moon. Forced to watch the planet he loved, he cherished, he mourned for, continue without him. The Dark Lord never left his ivory throne, his armor made of ivory and magically reinforced alloy of ebony and steel.

His efforts to save the planet was ridiculed and his legacy reduced to a mere folktale told centuries after his banishment. Some even question the existence of the Dark Lord, most heretics deny his existence at all.

The Dark Lord’s chest pings in remorse for those ignorant fools, for his vengeance will be swift and furious and without prejudice. Although he holds love for them, he harbors bitter and wrathful incense for the false prophet, Solaris, and his mindless sheep that believes they have democracy – the ‘Parliament’.

In his hoof was a crystal ball, spying on the false prophet’s messiah. The sheep that worships him like a father, like a god, a mentor. This alicorn was born from two parents of unicorns.

The mother, Night Tide, decorated and retired General of the treacherous… now Royal Guard.

The father, Dusk Satin, the formal head of the Royal Librarian.

Intimacy between these polar opposites, one interested in the arts of warfare and the other in the literal arts, wasn’t unheard of but they produced very interesting offspring. Daughters. Personal Protégé of Solaris – Twilight Sparkle – and Captain of the Royal Guards – Gleaming Shield. Both pose a threat to the Dark Lord but Sparkle pose a threat much like Solaris.

Even from The Moon, the Dark Lord could predict the enormous magic this mare would possess. Although her magic level today is nothing to sneeze at—even her magic is comparable to very high powered unicorns, she is an alicorn—She could pose a challenge to the Dark Lord and he would take no chances when it comes to his vengeance.

Perhaps a ransom will deter her from chasing him.

“Milord,” The Shadow Bolt Officers, including the Commander, bowed before the Dark Lord. Lowering his head, the Dark Lord returns the Commander at ease to explain his unexpected intrusion. “The prototypes are still not ready; they will fail if you deploy them tonight, sire!”

The Dark Lord did not respond.

Magical smoke that filled the area began to swirl slightly in agitation. Tendrils of the smoke slithered across the surface of the moon.

“I implore you to hold off the deployment, the mission will be a critical failure!” The Commander begged. The tendrils slither up their hind legs and on their backs, unbeknownst to the Shadow Bolt officers.

“WE FIND THOU LACKS OF FAITH—”

Snap.

Crackle.

Pop.

Three officers go limp, their necks awfully contorted

“DISTURBING.”

Intermission Over

There was a rainbow colored blur, and then nothing but stars as Twilight Sparkle and her unknown assailant smashed into the ground and tumbled slightly. Kinetic energy finally ceased when the two rolling ponies crashed into a bush.

Groggily, Twilight Sparkle regained her bearings as she sat up. The bush’s innards spun round and round and round in her vision until she shook her head free from the branches and stars. Underneath her was something warm and something in pain, so Twilight looked down to see her assailant under her.

“Oh my lord! Are you okay?! You flew so bloody fast and landing so hard—you could have broken bones and eternal bleeding!” Twilight Sparkle conjured up a pocket flashlight to shine in the stallion’s eyes. He checked out as far as concussions go, but she was still concerned about his landing. Twilight Sparkle was fine—she’s protected by plot armor. “You’re going to be okay, you hear me? I’ll—”

“Lady, I appreciate the… concern… but,” The stallion groaned. “Get. Off.”

Twilight looks down to see that she was straddling the blue stallion, her face changing from a concerned alicorn who got hit in the side of the head by a falling stallion from the clouds—to an alicorn straddling the very falling stallion that hit her on the side of the head.

That long sentence meant a blush furiously permeates throughout her cheeks.

“Waugh!” Twilight Sparkle teleported off of the blue stallion next to Barbra, who was also okay. Barbra was sitting on the ground, waiting for the two ponies to come out the bushes. As dirty as it sounded, and looked, it was the literal reason Barbra was waiting.

Out the bushes, there was the stallion.

“For the sake of my rep’ and your dignity, this never happened,” The stallion stated.

“What never happened?” asked Twilight Sparkle, feigning ignorance.

“Exactly, cute accent by the way,” The stallion brushed off gravel and dirt (and shame) off of his blue fur and took off the (now) cracked googles on his head and tossed them to the side. Twilight Sparkle fumbled at the compliment. “Hey, sorry about all that crashin’ and stuff. It doesn’t usually happen.”

Twilight Sparkle guessed this stallion was Rainbow Blitz, because of his jagged rainbow mane and tail to match. Lightning looking eyebrows. These were all tell-tale signs, but Twilight didn't want to be the mare who used physical appearences to define ponies.

“You’re fine, mate,” Twilight Sparkle dismissed by waving a hoof in a circular motion. “This sort-a thing happens in Canterlot’s Theater.”

“Canterlot?” said the pegasus, his eyes lighting up spectacularly. “That’s where the Wonderbolts perform! Have you seen them? Have you met Burnout? What’s he like? You got to tell me!”

“Erm,” Twilight Sparkle was overloaded with all of these questions. “Maybe I’ll get chummy with you later, I’m Twilight and this is Barbra. Do you know where we can find a character named ‘Rainbow Blitz’?”

“Yes because you’re looking at yours truly!” Of course, being politically correct doesn’t work.

“Aye,” Rainbow Blitz puffed his chest out as he spoke. “That happens to be me, the fastest thing alive, total lady-killer, and future Wonderbolt—what? You didn’t see my totally kick-ass mane?!”

What a total wanker.

“And slacker,” dryly scoffed Twilight Sparkle.

“Excuse me, I thought I heard you say something slick?!” Rainbow Blitz looked insulted, his jagged eyebrows curling in either hurt pride or anger at the remark. Twilight couldn’t decide which it was. “Slacker?! I’ll have you know I work harder than any of these wet-bag softies!”

“Really now?” Twilight Sparkle looked upwards,” The sky needs some clearing up and here you are tossing about like a monkey fighting underwater.”

“I could clean this sky in ten seconds,” boasted Rainbow, “Flat. Easily.”

Twilight Sparkle looked Blitz straight in the eyes. She smirked and leaned into Rainbow Blitz’s face. “Prove it,” she smirked.

Just like that, he was off like a light. Rainbow Blitz zipped and zoomed across the sky, bashing and bucking individual clouds. Twilight Sparkle was waiting patiently, a stopwatch in her magical hold. Barba was busy being mesmerized by Rainbow Blitz’s amazing athletic performance.

As soon as Rainbow Blitz’s hooves touched the dirt, Twilight stopped the stopwatch. Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow at the results. Rainbow Blitz took this as being amazed by his performance and flexed his muscles subconsciously.

“Done,” Rainbow Blitz wasn’t even out of breath, “What I tell you, ten seconds. Flat.”

“That was… AWESOME!” Barbra leaped as she clapped her hands together. “I didn’t even know that was possible! You were like ‘whoosh’ and ‘zip’ and EEE!”

“And you, Slick?” Rainbow Blitz turned to Twilight Sparkle, whom was solemnly quiet. “What’you got to say for yourself? Go on, I’m waiting for your apology.”

“You’re fast, I’ll give you that,” Twilight chuckled, “Ten seconds—”

“SEE?! WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!”

“Point one twenty-eight,” Twilight Sparkle grinned. Rainbow Blitz froze like a statue with his mouth agape. She tossed the shocked stallion the stopwatch. “See you later, slowpoke. Let’s go, Barba.”

As the two females left the defeated Blitz, Rainbow Blitz watched Twilight Sparkle leave as they eventually disappeared from sight. Rainbow Blitz looked at the stop watch to be surprised at the fact it was actually ten seconds flat, no zeroes after the decimal point.

“Oh, you-son-of-a sick joke,” Rainbow Blitz smiled as he realized she just pranked him. Pranked him hard, too. “I’m in love.”

The next thing on the list of volunteers was a decorations expert named Elusive.

Opening the door is like opening a lid off of the pickle jar, it just wasn’t happening, no matter how hard you pull.

“C’mon Twilight! Stop faffing about!” Barbra chastised, “I’m going to get a tan while you do this!”

“You! Can’t! TAN!” Twilight finally learned to apply pressure in the opposite direction - to push instead of pulling the door off of the hinges. Twilight nearly fell inside of the building, she caught her bearing, fortunately.

“Crickey!” Barbra stood, pushing on Twilight’s spine uncomfortably.

The building was decorated outside but oh-boy was it decorated inside. Ribbons made of velvet and satin with gold and silver colors decorating them with images of the sun and the moon. Each strand told a story, which Twilight Sparkle respected.

“Absolutely beautiful…” Murmured Barbra dreamly, Twilight Sparkle appreciated Barbra’s taste for the hidden and beautiful meanings behind beautiful art.

“Indeed,” Twilight Sparkle would keep looking at the décor, but Twilight Sparkle would rather pluck twigs and leaves out of her mane and tail. “They’re brilliant, now let’s go.”

“I’m not talking about the rubbish ribbons, you dolt!” Barbra snapped. Twilight Sparkle knew better than to get her hopes up about this dragon’s tastes for the refined arts. “I’m talking about that dastardly hot stallion, prince of models over there

Twilight Sparkle turned her attention to back of the shop. Inside was a snow-white stallion unicorn, with locks of purple hair so finely brushed – Twilight thought she was looking inside of a Designer Magazine. He was choosing between a beautiful ribbon and a beautiful ribbon. He chose both beautiful ribbons, unsurprisingly.

“Ten bits says he’s a colt-cuddler,” Twilight Sparkle teased at the expense of Barba.

“Not funny,” Barbra retorted.

The Stallion was standing up, he was smaller than the three ponies Twilight has seen previously in regards to muscle, but his muscles were still finely tuned. He’s taller than Twilight Sparkle, like the rest of the males she’s seen so far.

Barbra was so blunt, it hurt and then it turned all of the sharpened of needles in the entire building dull in an instant. “You have GOT to be my wingpony!” She pleaded. “I will do anything you ask, never criticize your cooking again, never ever tell ponies you have a collection of lucky socks, I’ll even buy your ludicrous thing with the ‘Night-Terror Night’ thing for the rest of today! Please!”

“Okay, let's alliterate a few things,” Twilight snorted, “You do that anyways, you know that’s a lie, you threaten that every chance you get, and you’re actually doubting me while you use believing me as an offer.”

Barbra wasn’t listening, she was too busy floating besides Twilight with hearts replacing her irises. Twilight Sparkle scoffed as she raised an eyebrow at the baby dragon.

“You don’t have a snowmare’s chance in the ninth circle of the Inferno with him,” Twilight scoffed, looking through her cold hard reality eyes instead of Barbra’s heart eyes. “And he’s completely out of your league, out of your ballpark, out of your sport, out of your nation, to be right. He’s older than you.”

“Age is just a number,”

“Careful, that’s the kind of talk that gets ponies arrested,” Twilight Sparkle mused, as she turned to go out the door. “Good thing you’re young, you got a lot to learn about.”

“Good thing I’m not the one who sleeps with a doll,” Barbra warned, hearts still for eyes, “Be my wingpony or I’ll nark to every-pony about that stupid doll!”

Twilight Sparkle had her hoof on the door handle as she heard Barbra’s warnings. She clenched her eyes shut as she slammed a hoof on the wall next to the door, she thought of every single comeback to her warning but she couldn’t think of none.

“Alright, you win,” Twilight Sparkle relinquished, “Stay here, I’ll go put in the good word for my good dragon, the manipulator.” She took a few steps away from the door and then approached Barbra’s eye-candy. Then she realized something.

How in the name of the Inferno do you talk to stallions romantically, especially for other girls? Twilight’s no lover, she’s a studier! A learner! A student! There’s never been a course on how to introduce anyone for anyone, because if there was – she would have attended it! (Not because she is single, but because it’s an opportunity to learn something new!)

Twilight Sparkle rolled a D-16 for charisma, her base stat for the attribute is a pitiful two. The D-16 rolled a one, literally anything would’ve been better. Critical Failure.

“Hey good cookin’, what’s lookin’?” Twilight Sparkle fumbled with false enthusiasm. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, let me put in the good word for my girl Ba—”

“By the name of Solaris’ beard, my fair mare, your MANE!!!” The white unicorn shrilly screeched. Twilight Sparkle subconsciously touched the top of her head, realizing that the tumble with Rainbow Blitz probably screwed up her mane badly.

“Erm, I was going to fix it when I got home…” Twilight chuckled awkwardly, looking at Barbra for help – but alas, the dragon was imagining a life with the stallion.

“Sweet mother of Solaris, you’ve been seen in public with that? The courage! Who was the Beast who has attacked Beauty and committed such a murder so foul on the name of fashion!?”

“Erm, Rainbow Blitz?” Twilight Sparkle narked without intention. After letting that one go, she started to stumble on her words as she tried to pardon Blitz from whatever fate this designer might have in store for him. “I-it was an accident!”

“Very well,” declared the diamond-flanked colt menacingly. “A word with Blitz is necessary, I suppose?” Twilight Sparkle barely swallowed the lump before she spoke up again to Barba.

“Mate,” She whispered, “How certain do you think you have the hots for this guy? He’s mad!”

“Not listening,” said Barbra as she sighed dreamily at the hints of Canterlish the stallion had in his voice.

“I must correct this mane this instant, my fair mare!” The unicorn stands up as he levitates a combo of combs, hair sprays, shampoos, scissors, and blow dryers.

“A-actually, love,” Twilight Sparkle chuckled nervously. “We were just leaving.”

“Speak for yourself,” Barbra snapped out of her trance, floating over to Twilight. “Mate! You have to take one for the team! That’s what being a good wingpony is!”

(“Barb!” Twilight whined, “He’s a nutcase! I don’t want him near me with those cutters!”

“THE DOLL, TWILIGHT!” Barbra hissed.

Twilight Sparkle clenched her eyes again, inhaling, before stamping her hoof on the ground as she exhales slowly.)

“I insist, my fair mare,” he said. “I will not take no for an answer. Understood?”

“Y-yes sir,” Twilight squeaked.

Twilight Sparkle later learned that the wacko stallion’s name was indeed Elusive, the volunteer decorations expert for the festival. He is also the owner of the store they were in right now, the Carousel Boutique. Fancy name for such a fancy pony.

Also, Elusive has prior history with Blitz. Friendship would be the word to describe the two, although that would be far from the truth. They balanced each other out, a moirail as one webcomic Twilight read would describe it. That insured his safety… probably.

“Ah, and what is your name, my fair mare?” Elusive inquired. “I am just dying to know.”

“Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight answered nonchalantly, although she was nervous about the scissors currently in Elusive’s grasp.

“Twilight Sparkle?” Repeated Elusive, “The Twilight Sparkle? Personal protégé of Prince Solaris himself?”

“Aye,” Twilight nodded, “You know of me?”

“Madame, please,” Elusive chuckled as he passively dismissed. “A filly preforms a feat done only by the most powerful unicorn who has ever lived, Sunspiral the Maned, and becomes what Solaris calls ‘the daughter he never had’? I’d be shocked if it didn’t make the papers, especially since you are the only non-royal alicorn in existence! You’re almost like a princess.”

Twilight let this sit for a moment. “Huh, I never really thought of it that way. I just thought I was reading out of a book.”

Elusive chuckled but then sighed, “Alas, I am discussing my dreams to a complete stranger.”

“Dreams?” Twilight Sparkle wondered out loud. “I hope you’re not thinking of ‘being’ me, it’s rather busy.”

“No, although who in their right mind wouldn’t want to be you?” Elusive chuckled as he tried different on Twilight Sparkle. “It’s been a dream of mine, a fallacy if you will, to meet a princess so fair. To fall in love with her, madly she will fall for me, and to be together we shall. As her prince, of course.” Twilight Sparkle thought this dream, albeit romantic and sweet, was very unobtainable and shallow. Barbra, however, snatched an opportunity from the jaws of defeat.

“You know,” Barba cooed, “I’m almost like Twilight’s sister, raised together, that makes me a princess as well!”

Elusive eyed Barbra and raised an eyebrow. “I almost didn’t see you! You are?”

“Barba!” said the she-dragon with passion and enthusiasm in her sultry voice. “Y’now, the beautiful dragoness that’s been assisting you change Twilight’s clothes for almost an hour?”

Elusive was already at Twilight’s side, rubbing up against her. Twilight Sparkle looked down at her attire to be shocked at what she is wearing: a cherry-black cocktail dress.

“My fair mare, we’re just perfect for each other,” He said with sly wink, and a sugary smile. His eyes just lighting with passion as his horn neared hers. An eyelash way from each other’s lips, Twilight Sparkle was frozen like a deer in headlights. Except this time, she thought the headlights would actually hit her. “We’re going to be the best of… how do you say… mates.”

Red flags and alarms course through Twilight Sparkle’s brain as she slowly took off the gown with magic. Her eyes widen at the inferred meaning behind his words, even more brash than Rainbow Blitz but with so much more class – it frightened her even more.

“Oh,pardonmebutit’stimetogoBarbsletsgobeforewe’relate!”

One mindset Twilight had in mind.

RUNNING

LIKE

HELL

AWAY FROM THIS WHACKO OF A STALLION!!

Or until she ran out of breath.

“I should… have… paid… attention in P.E!” Twilight panted, her heart beating so fast and lively – her ears were roaring with blood as adrenaline coursed through her veins like icy acid. “Huff...puff... Twilight holds her chest, feeling the beats of the heart. She slowed her sprint to a nervous trot, unable to run any faster.

Besides, she was sure that psychotic stallion wasn’t running her down. At least not in broad day light, Twilight Sparkle hoped the best of herself.

“Don’t have a heart attack now!” Barbra leaned over Twilight’s head, “This will teach you to not work out, eh ya lazy squish?”

“Bite me, you’re the one falling hooves over nits for a psycho!” Twilight Sparkle Retorted, still on her nervous trot as far away from the Carousel Boutique as possible.

“So… do you think we hit it off?” Barbra asked hopefully.

“What’s what?”

“Me and Elusive!” Barbra squeled. “I think he’s so into me, I mean, who would ever pass this up?” She bragged while wiggling her hips. Twilight Sparkle, between the panting, rolled her eyes.

“What do you think?” Twilight Sparkle asked rhetorically, sarcasm biting each syllable of her words. “What’s that? You already had the answer already? What was the point of asking? I just needed some-pony to validate my impossible dreams!”

“What’s that?”

“You know what, Barbs, I learned something today,” Twilight proclaimed.

“Hmm?”

“That love is stupid and it makes anyone stupid and oblivious,” Twilight deadpanned cynically. “I have never fell for anypony without judging them first, not that I ever have or will.”

“Never?” Unsurprising fake gasp from Barbra later, “What if you can’t help it?”

“Barbra, I am a mare of science and logic,” Twilight Sparkle scoffed, “Magic falls under science, by the way.”

“Jeez, you sound like a scorned mare,” Barbra remarked, “You hadn’t even had a first date yet.”

“Yes I have! In fact, I have one next month!”

“The ones on the calendar don’t count, mate,” Barbra continued. “The one next month is the Gala; you go there – alone – every year for the past twenty-one years. It’s not really special anymore”

Twilight laughed at this. “Barbra, my mind is an impenetrable shield wall. A fortress, if you will.”

“I’m actually concerned for you,” Barbra admitted.

“Don’t be, love makes ponies stupid,” Twilight finalized, “I am not stupid.”

“Okay, you nut,” Barbra peeked inside of the checklist. “Music, sounds drab.”

“Aw, chin up lad,” Twilight Sparkle grinned, “Whose running it?”

“Butterscotch?”

“No thanks, still full from Applejack’s food,”

“You cheeky…” Barbra groaned. “That’s his actual name, Butterscotch.”

“Sounds… timid.” She said as she kept an ear out for any type of music. She was quick to discover a chorus of birds harmonizing with uncannily ability. They were practicing the first few measures of 19th Symphony by Beethoven. How peculiar. The move in the direction of the birds. Barbra hummed along, off key, to the dismay of Twilight Sparkle.

Soon, they found Butterscotch standing in front of a low hanging branch with a number of birds perched on top of it. They all seemed to be warming up using a complex piece of music until Butterscotch singled out a blue jay and addressed it personally.

“Um… Mr. Bird, if it’s of any bother to you, could you sing at a lower octave than you currently are? You’re… uh… very talented and great! But I think you’re not suited for contralto, but you’re more of a countertenor… sorry if that’s insulting, I promise it’s not supposed to be.” The bird nodded, which baffled Twilight to kingdom come and back—the bloody bird just understood Butterscotch. “Great! Now, if you please, from the top.”

“Pardon me, sir,”

Yikes! That short phrase meant to get Butterscotch’s attention actually caused the stallion to leap high into the air, clutching the highest branch on the tree. The birds flew away at the sound of Twilight’s voice, was it that awful?

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Twilight Sparkle carefully held out her hooves in a non-threatening manner. This stallion, albeit the most passive, has overreacted the most out of the entire stallions Twilight Sparkle has seen all darn day! “I didn’t mean to frighten you, I swear!”

Butterscotch clambered onto the branch tighter as Twilight raised her hooves. The entire tree shook.

“Bloody inferno, scratch this off the list Bar—”

“IS THAT A BABY DRAGON?!!”

“Gah!” For the second time, in her life, and today, Twilight Sparkle has been landed on by a pegasus stallion. At least Butterscotch was lighter than Rainbow Blitz, and didn’t come down as fast as Blitz, but he still packed a wallop of a punch.

“Oh, sorry!” said Butterscotch at a normal volume, which was barely above a whisper. “Butterscotch, you’re so rude!” he scolded himself before racing over to Barbra, who was uninterestedly picking her teeth with her claws. “Whoa! I’ve never ever seen a real life baby dragon before! What’s your name? Can I hold you? Tell me everything you know about dragons!”

“Solaris blind me,” Barbra blinked, overwhelmed with all the questions. “What are you, writing a book?”

“Oh yes!” Nodded Butterscotch, “I need every detail you can spare!”

“Well…” Barbra muttered uneasily, “M-my name’s Barbra and I don’t really know squat about dragons. Really, I’ve never met one.”

“Oh goodness! You poor thing!” Cooed Butterscotch. Barbra was then wrapped in a death grip by the pegasus. Barbra gave a large gasp after Butterscotch let her go. “You’ve never been with your kind? That’s alright, Barby-Warmy, you can tell Daddy all about it.”

Twilight and Barba exchanged looks and then they realized two things: This was exactly the same situation with Elusive, but only with a role reversal. The second thing is they understood exactly what was going to happen here—Barba was going to embarrass the absolute mess out of Twilight and there was nothing Twilight Velvet Sparkle was going to do about it.

“Right,” Barbra cleared her throat as she hopped on Twilight’s back (“OUCH! BARB! MIND THE FEATHERS!”) and got comfortable. Twilight, after moving her wings away from Barbra’s body, prepared for the longest walk to the address of her new home ever. “It all started with The Muffin Colt…”

Twilight swore underneath her breath.

By the father of Solaris, Barbra left no detail untouched, no stone unturned, and unfortunately for Twilight – no secret unkempt. She even told him about the doll! The Betrayal! That contract was signed in blood! In blood! At last, the trio reached the library.

“—And that’s my life story, up until today, do you want to hear what happened today?”

“Actually, we’re here,” Butted in Twilight. “And it’s also time for your nap, Barbs,” She stated through narrowed eyes.

“But I’m not tired!” Barbra protested.

“Good god, Butterscotch!” Twilight pointed in the opposite direction, “What in the name of the lord’s beard is that a cardinal-jay?!”

“What?!” Butterscotch turned and looked upwards. “I don’t see anything; it must’ve flew off…”

“Unfortunately,” Twilight murmurs.

“Oh my! Is he alright?!” Butterscotch turned around to see a dazed dragoness on the ground. Twilight scoffed as she picked her back up using levitation.

“Peachy, but I think she needs her nap,” Twilight cooed, “She can’t keep upright!”

“Sleep is very important for a growing boy,” Butterscotch agreed, “Okay, Miss Twilight, I’ll be gone, but you’ve got to promise to feed Barby-Warby his leafy greens so he’ll grow up big and strong!”

“Bye, Butterscotch, and I will!” Barbra is a carnivore, but the best thing about dragons is – they will eat crystals, gems, minerals, and even rocks sometimes! Twilight Sparkle feeds Barbra gems, not greens. “Bye!” she alliterated her goodbyes as Butterscotch flew away. The realization dawned on Barbra. “Did she call me a boy? The nerve!”

Twilight Sparkle chuckled but stopped chuckling as soon as she saw the boxes and all of her stuff just carelessly thrown to the side of the door. Twilight Sparkle gave a ‘humph’, as she teleported the boxes and other knickknacks inside.

Twilight Sparkle took the key to her house and placed it into the lock, only to find it unlocked already. It wasn’t even her first night in this crazy town and she has already been robbed – what a big surprise.

Twilight Sparkle growled as she entered the house, with a now groggy Barbra on her back. As they enter the darkness of the tree.

At last, Twilight Sparkle can rest and put this whole crummy day behind her. In fact, Twilight Sparkle doesn’t even care about the Knight-Terror Night, she’s more interested in how her new bed feels or how well the stove brews tea. Or even coffee! Finally, some peace and—

“SURPRISE!”

Quiet.

Twilight Sparkle groaned. Of course there will be no rest for the mare, what has she done to deserve such a luxurious reward for her services? Why wouldn’t there be some kind of sick, sick joke running this town who just throws parties for the mentally exhausted? Of course there’s a surprise party, what are the bloody odds?

“Heya!” greeted a highpitch voice that Twilight Sparkle abhorrently loathed with extreme animosity. “I’m Bubble Berry, and I threw you this party!” Joy, it’s the pink Tasmanian Devil from earlier today!

Immediately Loathed.

The repugnant pony rambled on as Twilight Sparkle did her best to avoid everyone’s eyes and nab herself a well, a very well, deserved drink. Hopefully, her intolerance to alcohol can help numb this headache Twilight is already feeling.

“SO I was walking down the street and guess what? You were there! I haven’t seen you before so I guessed I was either in a rerun or in a fanfic! Well I can’t exist in a Rerun, because I’m a male, so that answered my question! Anyways, then you showed up as a absolute BEAUTY! And if you’re a BEAUTY, that must mean I was in a shipfic! And I found YOU absolutely lovely, that must mean I was at least one of the male leads, and since I am the first of these male leads – I must be the one to one to marry you in the end because you know how the saying goes, right? OH, and Twily?”

“What?” Twilight asked venomously.

“You’re chugging on hot sauce, buddy!”

“…it has a distinct flavor.”

“IT’S PARTY TIME!”

“Okay, that’s it, I’m going to bed.”

And indeed it was.

For hours.

And hours.

And hours.

And hours.

And hours.

And then for a couple of seconds break…

And then for an hour more.

Twilight was glad to finally be out of peeving eyes, especially glad to get the taste of hot sauce out of her maw, but ESPECIALLY grateful for the disappearance of the pink nightmare. Twilight covered her ears with a pillow, trying desperately to mute the unwanted party out of her ears.

Barba then ingresses inside of Twilight’s room, allowing the noise of the party to become tenfold. She was wearing a lampshade. “Mate! You’ve got to check it! These ponies party like madman! They installed the diving board and everything in the punchbowl!”

“Barbra, get out,” Twilight growled, which led to Barba shrugging and leaving the room. Twilight mentally thanked her for closing the door at the very least. Twilight Sparkle rolled over, hoping to try and get some sleep before the Summer Sun Celebration happened until that hope is killed off by Bubble Berry storming into Twilight Sparkle’s room wearing a lampshade.

Twilight’s favorite lampshade.

“Go away,” Twilight Sparkle spoke from under the sheets.

“But Twilight! If we’re going to straight-copy the Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine, we might as well do it correctly!” Complained Bubble Berry, “How am we going to be the OTP of this story if I don’t get any character development?!”

“What in the name of… what are you on about?” Twilight shook her head, “No, don’t answer that. Go away.”

“Ugh… If I speak to you in a way that doesn’t hurt your fourth-wall restricted brain, will you at least look at me?” Bubble Berry pleaded, “Please?”

Twilight Sparkle appeared from underneath the cover. “You have two minutes, go.”

“You’ve been thinking all day how to defeat the Dark Lord, left?” Bubble Berry asked, leaning on his hoof as he jumped on the bed next to Twilight.

“How do you know about Knight-Terror Nebula’s return?” Twilight inquired with a suspicious tone, an eyebrow being raised.

“It’s a mediocre bedtime story wrote by the same nutjob who wrote Dandles’ Inferno, silly!” Bubble Berry chortled. “Everypony knows about Old Edgy Booty! Now, answer my question, am I left?”

“Sure.”

“Now, how the fourth circle of the inferno are you going to do from the bottom of that pillow?”

“Eh?”

“I’m saying that you wasted your time cooped up in here like an edgelord,” Bubble explained, his tail wagging as he loses patience. “You could’ve found a way to stop the eternal abyss, or even made friends, you total weirdo.”

“Bob’s your uncle,” Twilight muttered before realizing what Bubble actually meant. “And you’re absolutely right! Blimey, time is punching us left and right! Time to hit the books!”

“Twilight,” Bubble chuckled nervously. “The ‘time punching us left and right’ has already knocked us out.”

“Meaning?”

“You already blew it, it’s time for the ceremony!” Bubble Berry pulled Twilight Sparkle out of bed and begun to drag her out the bedroom door. “We’re like – what –” Bubble Berry checked the time on a drawn-on watch. “Ten minutes late!”

Twilight Sparkle felt her heart sink to her stomach and back up for vengeance. “We’re doomed,” she drooped. “All is lost.”

“Not all is lost! You still have me!” Bubble Berry picked Twilight Sparkle up and gave her a smooch on the cheek. “See?”

“All that – matters – is lost.”

In all of the worries Twilight had to face while trudging shoulder to shoulder with Bubble Berry, she had to admit that sometimes Bubble told some pretty knee-slap worthy jokes. Maybe it was the illusion that the end of the world as Twilight Sparkle knew it was upon her and it made her a little easy going, she hoped that her fear was not coming true.

The gathering of partied-out ponies gathered an assembly at Town Hall. Some of them making small talk while the rest were probably sleeping with their eyes open. Twilight Sparkle was praying, she didn’t know to whom she was praying to, but she was hoping they received her message about not plunging the entire town down. Twilight Sparkle looked among the royal guards, all of them staring into who knows what. Gleaming was not among them. Twilight Sparkle would have to face danger alone.

“Ten bits says me and Elusive and I do The Horizontal Mambo, hmm?”

Disturbing image Barbra placed in her head.

Correction: Alone with Barbra.

“Aren’tyouexcited?Iknowyou’reexcitedbecauseImewcitedI’veneverbeensoexictedwellexecptthatonetimeyouwalkedintotownandIwaslike (GASP) butreallythat’salreadyamemeandI’msurethiswascopiedoutofsomewhereandiknowit’sbecauseoflazywriting!”

Correction: Alone with Spike and Bubble Berry.

Twilight noticed an old colt, not as old as her grandparents but old enough to sport grey hair. The stallion cleared his throat. “Fillies and Gentle-colts, welcome to the two-thousandth and one celebration of the summer sun, I am your representative as you know – Senator Stallion… sorry for my monotone – it’s very early for an old colt like me,”

A few ponies chuckled, while others give a blank stare as they try to rub the sleep out of their eyes. Twilight brooded while Rainbow Blitz waited in anticipation disguised as boredom, Applejack chewing on a strand of onion-weed – seemingly asleep underneath his Stetson (Apple Buck is also asleep on top of his back), Elusive watched Twilight diligently (a white cat is on top of his head), Bubble Berry chatted Twilight’s ears off (while his alligator actually threatened to snap her ears off), Butterscotch practicing his conducting while the birds do a quick harmonizing. A bunny is on his back, sleeping.

“Well, without further ado,” Senator Stallion brushed off the mostly ignored joke, “We wait for Prince Solaris to raise the sun!”

The curtains opened and immediately Twilight Sparkle stumbled backwards, only to be caught by Elusive. Barbra gasped as she rolled Twilight’s off of her back and onto the grass below. Those who were sleeping were asleep no longer.

The royal guard’s wings expanded outwards in reaction, fight or flight coursed through their brains. They each grip their weapons strongly and placed space between the adversary and the ponies. The adversary scoffed at their pathetic and vain attempts at being so valiant to protect these heretics.

“What?” smirked the helmeted Knight-Terror Nebula. “Hath nopony ever seen a black alicorn before?”

“What have you done with the Prince!?” Rainbow Blitz yelled, his wings expanding outwards. “And why are you talking funny?”

Knight-Terror Nebula was not impressed with the second question. “Your beloved Prince?” He asked as caught a guard, who was advancing on him, with his magical smoke – a vice grip popped the guard’s head like a grape. The guard was tossed away without a second thought. The rest of the royal guards were impaled by the signature magic fog, then dragged to what Twilight Sparkle assumed was the inferno. “Thy prince surrendered with no consideration of thine livelihood.”

“Yer lying!” Applejack protested. “Th’ Prince is a strong pony! He would never throw in th’ towel ta a varmint like you!”

“HAHAHA! WE SPEAKTH NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, PEASENTS!” Bellowed Nebula in the Royal Canterlot Voice. Immediately noticing that every pony is blown onto their haunches, or in a fetal position, he decided to reconstruct his professional attitude. “The considerations of our banishment was a tough one to bear, so we didn’t trust him! Behold, your precious Prince!” He held up a gold necklace, adorned with a crystal of an abstract picture of a sadden Solaris. “Solaris hath claimed to keep us next to his heart, always!” He placed on the necklace, a malicious grin adorning his face. “WE SHALL KEEPTH HIM CLOSE TO OURS!”

Twilight Sparkle grit her teeth at the revelation. Prince Solaris surrendering, without so much of a fight? How could he! Why would he! Why would he give Equestria to a nightmare like Nebula! Is he absolutely mad?! Didn’t the Prince love his subjects? Didn’t he love her?

“AND YOU, TWILIGHT SPARKLE!” The mist surrounded Twilight’s neck as she was hoised in the air by his magical noose. “THOU EXISTENCE HATH CAUSED US MUCH ILL WILL, WE WILL PUNSIH THOU AND THINE FRIENDS” The rest of the stallions were hoisted up, all of them eye level with Nebula. “THOU HATH NOTHING TAKETH AWAY, LIKE OUR LIVES AND GRIEVANCES. TO RETURN TO THE WORLD A CHANGED PONY. THINE PONIES WILL BE THE FIRST TO BE PUNISHED FOR YOUR BELOVED PRINCE’S SINS.” Hoisted up was Apple Buck, the alligator, the bunny, the cat, and Barbra. “THY PUNISHMENT IS TO LEARN A VALUABLE LESSON: YOUR NEW GOD GIVETH AS HE WILL TAKETH AWAY!”

“Barbra! No!” Gagged Twilight Sparkle as she kicked and clawed at the magical smoke, her own magic becoming nullified. “Barbra! Barbra! Look at me!”

“Twilight!” Barbra struggled vainly to reach Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle extended her hoof to try and touch her assistant’s claws. “I’m scared, Twilight, I’m very bloody scared! Don’t let him take me away!”

“Barbra!” Twilight just… couldn’t… reach… her… “I love you!”

“Nummy!” Bubble Berry cried as he desperately tried to reach for the alligator. “Nummy!”

Nummy blinked, but that blink was a distressed call for help.

“Not my precious! Anything but Diamond!” Elusive shrilly screeched as he fought desperately to save his cat. “Daddy will be there soon! Don’t you worry baby!”

The cat did not look distressed.

“Apple Buck! Not Apple Buck!” Applejack fought the hardest against the magic. “You can take me! Take me, you rat sniffling varmint! Not my bro! Anything but mah baby brother!”

“Applejack!” Apple Buck struggled to take a breath, “Ah can’t breathe.”

“Lilith!” Butterscotch fought feebly, tears sprang in his eyes. “No…”

Lilith was fighting tooth and nail to escape the grasp.

“AND NOW YOU WILL LEARN,” Nebula roared, “TA-TA, ENJOY THE NIGHT! BECAUSE FOR THE REST OF YOU, YOUR PUNISHMENT IS AN ENTIRNITY NIGHT-TERROR!”

“Ha!” Bubble Berry laughed.

“WE’RE SORRY,” Nebula brought Bubble Berry close to his helmeted face. “DID WE SAY SOMETHING YOU FOUND FUNNY?”

“Yeah, because you said a pun on your name!” Bubble explained but was rewarded by being squished. Bubble Berry made the sound of a squeak toy.

“HUH, INTERESTING.” Nebula said as he started to pull the captives into the mist, Twilight and the stallions not included. “WE MUST BE GOING NOW, ENJOY LIVING IN AGONY, HERETICS!”

Nebula evaporated along with his smoke and captives and flew into the Everfree Forest.

Applejack roared as he bolted after Nebula. “NO YOU VARMINT! YOU GIVE ME BACK MAH BROTHER THIS INSTANT!”

Twilight Sparkle hit the ground hard, her head bounced twice. Her brain screamed in protest as she fought to regain conscious, ever blink was a real threat to blacking out. She lifted her head. Twilight Sparkle coughed out blood from biting her cheek on the way down and looked around her. It felt, numb, the whole situation did.

Twilight has never been separated from Barbra and she felt… flat. Almost without confidence, sort of like a chemical reaction without the energy. Numb. There’s no true way to describe what she felt, it was a frosty feeling below her skin. Adrenaline still made her cheeks feel warm, but it also kept her from passing out. Blood seeped down the side of Twilight’s head, it was nothing to be worried about.

The rest of them didn’t land so hard, most of them groaning because of the initial fall. Nebula had actually threw Twilight to the earth.

Rainbow Blitz, the only one not having anything really cherished in Ponyville present and therefore – lucky – grabbed AJ before he can leave Town Hall. “AJ, stop! You’ll get yourself killed rushing into Everfree!”

“AH DON’T CARE, GOSH DARNIT,” Applejack struggled frantically in Blitz’s grasp. “THAT DASTARD HAS MAH KIN, MY APPLE BUCK, AND AH WILL DIE BEFORE AH ALLOW ANYTHIN’ TO HAPPEN TO HIM!”

“Think about it, AJ!” Blitz tightened his grip on Applejack, “If we come up with a plan, we have a better chance of flank-kicking this dastard, but even I don’t think running into danger will solve ANYTHING!”

“As much as I hate to admit it…” Elusive swallowed his own pride as he nodded along with Blitz. “Rainbow’s right, we can’t charge into the Everfree without expecting to be murdered.”

“Apple Buck…” Applejack threw his Stetson down onto the ground furiously before breathing out his anger. “Ah told Apple Buck ta come tonight, said it was gud fer his culture… it’s mah fault.”

“I brought Nummy along, it’s my fault too,” Bubble Berry muttered, his hair starting to deflate a little bit.

“My precious Diamond… gone…” Elusive dramatically puts his hooves in his face.

Butterscotch was still trying to get over the initial shock of the event.

Twilight Sparkle, knowing that nothing was going to get accomplished by laying down, struggled to her feet and limped her way to the library. Rainbow Blitz turned his head to the limping Twilight Sparkle making a beeline to the library and he pursued her. It’s grounds for breaking the window!

“Alright, hot stuff, start talking!” Interrogated Rainbow Blitz as Twilight Sparkle conjured up a Spell of Rejuvenation. The spell healed her wounds completely. “I may not be as smart as the rest of you cone-heads, but I can smell something’s fishy when it’s out of the water! First question: Are you a spy?”

“Aye,” A dry, sarcastic retort later, Twilight Sparkle as she dug through the library as she searched desperately for the book she needed. “The name’s Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle.”

“A-HA!” Rainbow Blitz laughed until he realized the quote. “Clever use of word play to distract me from the answer!”

“No, you lunatic,” Twilight Sparkle turned her head to deadpan at Blitz, “Why in bloody inferno’s bells would I ever sell Solaris out like this – besides – how in any circle of torturous hell would I be able to make contact with him? He lived on the moon.”

“LIKELY STORY! Every spy movie that I’ve ever seen had this spy with a ‘Lady Killer’ vibe going on and let me tell you, bub, you’re radiating some serious levels of sexiness!”

“…Is that a compliment or a further accusation of my integrity?”

“Don’t flip this around on me!” Blushed Rainbow Blitz as he bit his tongue to scold himself of such outbursts.

“Gosh darnit, Rainbow, she ain’t no spy,” Applejack defended while he and the rest of the stallions Twilight met today walked through the door like regular ponies. “Ah reckon she knows what’s goin’ on, don’tcha Sparkle?”

“Aye,” Solemnly sighed Twilight, “I need a book called Predictions and Prophecies.”

“Have you tried looking in P?” Asked Bubble. “Sometimes it’s as easy as ABC123!”

“Ah, how could I forget!” Twilight hooved through section P until she found the book.

Twilight flipped through the book until she found what she wanted. Bingo, she thought to herself.

“Right, it says here that the Elements of Harmony are as follows: Laughter, Kindness, Honesty, Generosity, and Loyalty. There’s a blop right in the middle of them,” Twilight pointed at a graphic of all the elements, “But it’s not written down, my assumption is that it must either be a hidden element or something stained my book. Anyways, it says here that Solaris punished Nebula for creating original sin – that Nebula was the first pony to be slain and then soul banished to the moon. His Majesty hid the elements in the… CASTLE OF THE ROYAL PONY SISTERS?!”

“What’s so bad about the castle, if you don’t mind me asking…” Butterscotch feebly asked.

“Only that it’s located in…

...the Everfree Forest!” All six ponies exclaimed simultaneously. They all stood at the mouth of the beast, hell in the shape of the forest. The forest that Barbra was being held was all that Twilight needed to stretch her wings, pop her neck, and make her declare.

“I’m going in alone.”

“What?!” said the five stallions.

“Aye, I appreciate it that you accompanied me thus far – but this… it’s my fault. All my fault. My presence in Ponyville made Nebula punish all of you when in reality, he should have punished me,” Twilight Sparkle pursed her lips. “It’s my burden to bear, my fight. I don’t want anyone else becoming hurt because of me.”

“Twi’,” Applejack rebutted, “That’s sweet of you, but there’s no chance that this ‘elements of harmony’ will even work because of the sixth element. Not only that, but this is not just your fight. Apple Buck is mah brother, mah kin. Ah can’t, in good conscious, live with knowin’ Ah did nothing ta help. This is mah fight too.”

“And mine,” Butterscotch agreed.

“And mine,” Elusive agreed.

“And mintsy-doodtsy!” Chortled Bubble Berry.

“Of course I’m not going to let this slide; I was born in Equestria and I will die for it,” Rainbow Blitz cracked his neck audibly. “This is my fight too, like it or not hotcakes.”

Twilight Sparkle bit her lips, “There’s no way I can convince you?”

“No.” Everypony said.

“Fine,” Twilight Sparkle mentally gave a sigh of relief. Her initial plan was a suicide mission. “I needed some back-up anyways.”

To Be Continued

Author's Note

For reference, ProbableSarcasm wrote Canterlot as if it was England so he wrote Twilight and Barbra with an English Accent.

Go direct your grievances at him, not me, I thought it would be cool.

Twiliy
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