Non-Equestrian Education

by Lack of Tact

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Alternate Universe, Equestria Girls, Comedy, Random, Adventure
Length: 1524

Cake Mix, our unlikely protagonist, pursues the wrong pony at the wrong time. Ending up in a world unlike his own, where creatures are bipedal and the most common ask is who's dating who; will he be able to survive the horror that is High-School?

[size=1.5em]Rated T for Teletubbies[/size]

[size=0.75em]Being rewritten entirely[/size]

After all of their adventures; all of their mishaps and oddball journeys, Cake splits from the group.

Not on purpose, mind you! No, it all involved an incident with Twilight's crown, and he'd somehow ended up in an entirely different realm. Now, he's a human, and for Celestia's sake, has to walk on two legs.

Not much of an issue, but then it comes down to meeting the people in this other land.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-16 03:00:01 UTC

Where's the Cake?

Cake tried his best, he really did. The girls were still somehow so far ahead of him, that it was sad to say the least.

He really needed to take those daily trots with Rarity.

He huffed, the now-Princess Twilight glancing every now and then behind her to see if he was catching up.

To sum it up, he wasn't.

She giggled, the five other mares (and one dragon) behind her stared at the back of her head questioningly at first before turning around themselves. Their only stallion member seems to be lagging behind.

"Come... *wheeze* come on guys! Y'know I can't... *wheeze* keep up with you. Holy hay, my hooves hurt." He complained, looking down at the crystallized street they were walking on.

You see, their destination was the large crystal castle, the large crystal castle that housed the Alicorn of Love.

And temporarily the Alicorns of the Sun and Moon, and evidently (later), Friendship.

They were going to Twilight's first ever-

"Hoo-wee! Your first Princess Summit, Twilight. Ya'll must be over the moon." The orange mare of the group stated proudly, taking her light brown stetson off of the top of her head to wipe her brow.

Even she acknowledges they've been walking down this street for some time. It's like a thirty minute walk from the train station to where they were, Celestia! And they've still got what seems like another thirty minutes.

"Oh, I am excited, but to be honest? I'm a little nervous to." She chuckled out nervously, her emotions finally getting the better of her as the group is now on the topic.

Minus Cake, cause, y'know. He's still very behind.

Pinkie, the (true to her namesake) pink earthen pony, hopped right next to the new Alicorn. A large grin breaking out on her face as she squealed. "You're nervicited! It's like you wanna jump up and down and yell YAY ME!" She jumped a good three feet in the air to add special effects.

"But you also wanna curl up in a teeny-tiny ball-" as she spoke, she curled herself up. An odd mechanical noise sounded off in the distance adding to this. "-at the same time!" She finished, her tone sounding somewhat depressed; which confused everypony mind you. "We've all been there!"

Fluttershy, a light yellow pegasus mare who stood behind a cyan-rainbow maned pegasus, nodded in understanding. "I'm there almost every day." She mentioned, but her voice was unheard by the group.

It was at this time, the tan stallion managed to gather up what was left of all of his energy and caught up to the Mane 6 (plus Spike). By the time he was there, he heard the last of whatever Rarity was saying.

"-back in Ponyville, have you?" The white unicorn mare was asking something that Cake certainly didn't understand.

"Welcome back to the group man, catch up next time. Will ya[?" Rainbow whispered, playfully using her hoof to hit Cake on his shoulder.

It didn't feel playful, as Cake totally mock glared at the mare.

Rainbow snickered at this as turned her head back to the group in question.

And somehow, the duo always miss out on most of the conversations the group have when they talk or even acknowledge each other.

"-why, I'd sleep in the thing darling!" Rarity exclaimed, once again confusing the stallion/mare duo.

Together, they gave a look to each other that they totally understood.

Remember Maud showing up? Just pretend we know what they're saying. Again.

"Yeah! I'd sleep in the thing too!" Cake spouted, turning all mare's (minus Rainbow's) attention to him.

Rarity just gave him an odd look, while Applejack simply snickered behind her hoof.

The mare next to him, the cyan menace to all that is boring, nodded. "Yeah, same."

Rarity blinked at this.

Applejack was still snickering.

Fluttershy, I somehow forgot to mention, was shaking her head with the smallest of smiles.

Twilight was glad the topic moved over from the Summit to her crown.

Pinkie-

"Me three!"

Timeskip

The large, intricately detailed, crystal door swung open with the aid of magick. Two guard ponies on either side, both with serious looks on their faces spoke in synchronization. "Her highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle!"

And at the mention of her very name, fanfare of all sorts broke out. Trumpets sounded, the ponies of lesser titles 'wooped', even the other Princesses in the room smiled at the newest Alicorn.

One of the Alicorns, however, was very unprofessional.

The laughter of a pink Alicorn sounded, the very Alicorn of Love herself trotted up to hug the smaller mare. "Twilight! I haven't seen you since-"

And it was at that moment when the tan stallion decided to stray away from the loudness of the room. He soon turned his attention to to the guardspony on his left and snickered a little. The light yellow stallion in front of him was trying his best not to stare at the (future) Alicorn of Friendship.

"Psst, Rainbow." He turned his head over a little, whispering to the cyan mare.

Said mare blinked and turned towards Cake, who was nudging his head in a particular direction. "Ohhh. Heheh." She snickered somewhat.

"-off to bed, the lot of you." Princess Celestia finished with a smile.

Wait, what? When the hay did she even sneak up on the group?

Or was it just Cake and Rainbow who failed to notice her?

Probably the latter.

Anyway!

Timeskip (They'll bug the Guard (Flash Sentry) later)

Rainbow and Cake shared a room.

That sounds weird, yeah, but-

I mean, in no way was that awkward for them! They've slept over at each other's homes every once in a while. They were pretty used to it. Neighflix and chill, you know?

That, and the rooms were divided unequally between them as there are seven members of the group (eight counting Spike, but come on. We knew he was going to be sleeping in Twilight's room.) So, in the end. Rainbow, being the ever so gracious friend that she is, decided to share the room.

Not the bed, just the room.

Off track.

"Hey RD? What'ya think we're gonna do with that guard tomorrow?" He questioned, the large cloth chair he was sitting in growing increasingly uncomfortable. "Are we just gonna pester him like we do with Spike or what?" He finished with a near-inaudible yawn.

The mare who was lying down on the easily king-sized bed stretched out her wings and with a yawn of her own (soon turned squeak), she answered. "Haven't thought of it man. I do better in the moment, you know that." She replied honestly.

Cake merely nodded at this and was soon welcomed to the land of sleep. However, it wasn't long until he was woken up, not by Rainbow, but by something peculiar.

Thud.

Hoofstep.

Hoofstep.

Door creaking.

Cake merely rubbed his sorely tired eyes, bloodshot in all areas, and walked to the door. The loud snoring of one RD sounded all around the large room with each step he took.

"Note to self. Ask Twilight for anti-snoring spell." He whispered to himself with a yawn. As he reached the door, on the other side he swore he heard what sounded like retreating footsteps.

With a light push, the door was opened and he immediately saw a retreating, hooded form. Something gleamed in their pocket, but he was left unaware of what it was.

For only a moment.

The object, unbeknownst to the running figure, fell out of whatever pouch it was placed in. Cake, however saw this and was left in concern. It was a crown! And the person who was running away dropped it.

Cake knew what he had to do.

Running from his room, not waking the heavily sleeping mare, he snatched the crown from the floor with his mouth and began chasing after the figure!

"Hey come back! You dwopped your cwown!" He stated loudly, his mouth full of the metal object. The hall behind him shrinking away as he chased.

His yelling woke everypony up, and soon there was a horde behind him.

They must want to return the crown to them also! He thought to himself with a smile. What good ponies everypony is.

However, he was the only one remotely close to the figure, and was somehow actually closing in on them.

"Hey! You dwopped your cwown!" He shouted once more finally getting their attention. This time the figure stopped to check their pack only to find indeed they had.

Cake, sadly, was not quick on the stop and accidentally rammed into the hooded pony, forcing the two (along with the shiny crown) into the mirror.

Where most would think the mirror would shatter, it only rippled and began to glow brightly.

All of the ponies (the Mane 6 (Excluding Rainbow who had just caught up) and the other princesses) gasped at this.

"Woah, what just happened?" The cyan pegasus asked, only for her question to fall upon deaf ears.

"Better yet..." A deflated maned Pinkie asked solemnly, staring at the would-be portal/mirror with big watering eyes.

"Where's Cake?"