On Culture and Politics

by shinigamisparda

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1565

Twilight prepares to meet the leader of a newly formed nation to discuss foreign policy. It doesn't go the way she expected.

WARNING: THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN FOR FUN AND NONSENSE. DO NOT EXPECT SERIOUS DISCUSSION ON FOREIGN POLICY

Princess Celestia decides to give Twilight a crash course in foreign policy by inviting her to Canterlot to both learn and participate in a meeting with a newly formed nation. Sure she's nervous, but she also confident. After all, she's the Princess of Friendship, she's made friends with Zebras, Buffalo, Griffins, dragons, and now even Changelings. Sure these new arrivals might be different, but nothing she can't handle, right?

Published 2016-11-17 05:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-17 05:10:01 UTC

Culture Clash

Twilight performed her breathing exercises to calm herself. In. Out. In. Out, she thought.

"Nervous?" Celestia asked.

"W-What? N-No. What makes you say that? That's not a problem is it? I mean, if it is, I can fix it right? Not like it'll cause a horrible war because-"

"Twilight," Celestia interrupted.

"Yes?" she replied, only now seeing the smirk on her mentor's face. Twilight blushed looked away. "Not funny," she pouted.

"Just relax, Twilight. It's not like the entire meeting will depend entirely on you. Besides, this is more a formal greeting than actual discussion of policy, a chance for us to get to know each other. That's something I'm sure you will be great at."

Twilight sighed a bit. "Ok, thank you. But, you know, I really wish you would've told me exactly who we're going to meet. You didn't even tell me their species."

"I was hoping to get a more... honest opinion on them from you, not something rehearsed."

Twilight sighed a bit in exasperation but nodded. All she knew was that they were from a country that had been officially formed a year ago and that they came from a savanna-like region in the south. "By the way, why isn't Luna here?"

"I felt she needed a break. Also, she might be a bit... biased towards are new arrivals."

"'Biased?' Biased against or-?"

Just then the Herald entered the throne room, his expression trying to remain professional and neutral, but obviously worried.

"Ahem. May I introduce Ambassador Leopold, General Smithers, and Queen Amidala of, uh... Snek," he proclaimed.

"Snek?" Twilight thought.

The guards pulled the door open and she struggled to keep her jaw from dropping.

Ah, so biased in favor of.

In walked, or rather slithered, three extremely large snakes, each one no less than eight feet long, each of a different species. Though she wasn't immediately sure of their species, that was more Fluttershy's specialty, she was able to identify them.

The first was a King Cobra, it's body a dark grey except for it's underbelly, which was yellow. It's eyes were round and brown. The second was a Rough Green Snake, as identifiable by its bright green body, yellow underbelly, and round green eyes. Both of them were to either side of an albino corn snake, it's body pink and it's eyes reds.

But what caught her attention the most was what they were wearing... and that they were wearing anything. The albino corn snake was wearing a golden and jeweled crown and a red royal cloak with white furred trim. The rough green snake had on an indigo military coat with gold buttons and a white belt as well as an white peaked cap with a black brim and golden insignia of a snake with it's upper body held upright. Finally was the king cobra that hat a black and white top hat... and a black and fairly dapper mustache.

After entering the room the guards closed the doors behind them. Once fully inside they all raised the top halves of their bodies upright, the king cobra also puffing out its hood.

Twilight gulped, not sure if if she should be afraid or not. Then, the Queen spoke.

"I am Queen Snek, of Country of Snek. Equestria nice. Happy be here," she said. Her tone was somewhat nasal and... well, Twilight didn't want to admit it, made her sound a little dumb.

"Ya. Me General Smithers. Really nice. Lot green. Nice green," the military snake agreed, his voice somewhat deeper and, unfortunately, also making him sound stupid.

"Indeed. I also quite enjoy the bright colors. The marble especially. I am Ambassador Leopold, Mmmyes," the king cobra, added, his voice particularly posh.

"I am Princess Celestia of Equestria, and this is Princess Twilight Sparkle," Celestia answered ever gracefully. "We're happy to have you."

Twilight hearing her name snapped her out of her stupor. "U-Um, yes. Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for having us. Indeedyes," Leopold replied.

"Now we do traditional Snek negotiations," Queen Amidala said as she slithered forwards.

"'Negotiations'?" Twilight asked.

"We have staring contest. Winner get last say in all thing."

"...But snakes don't have eyelids."

As if a switch was flipped all three of the snakes began to scream, their bodies moving in spastic motions as they flopped and rolled along the floor.

"PONY UNCOVER EVIL PLAN!" the Queen shouted.

"EVERYTHING GO BAD!" Smithers cried.

"PROTECT THE QUEEN!" Leopold yelled. Despite his order they all simply continued to flail as they screamed.

... What am I watching? Twilight thought as she just stared slack jawed at the display in front of her.

Suddenly they all stopped and began to laugh, using their tail to put their accessories back on their heads.

"Ah, good show! That was quite entertaining, mmmyes," Leopold said.

"Um... what?" Twilight asked.

"Is joke. Snek joke," Smithers clarified.

"Snek no like take things seriously. Snek make joke. Break ice. Fun," Queen Amidala explained.

Twilight was about to respond when she heard Celestia giggle. She turned to see her mentor struggling to suppress her laughter as she covered her mouth with her hoof. Once she finally managed to calm down, she spoke.

"Oh, I think we're going to get along just fine. It's so nice to see some foreign dignitaries who aren't so stiff and stuffy," she said.

"Snek like have good time," the Queen replied.

"Indeed. You might say we prefer to slither by the more serious issues, mmmyes," Leopold added.

Celestia giggled. "Indeed. I think I've got a few jokes myself that'll put you in hissterics," Celestia said.

Everyone but Twilight laughed.

"Princess make pun. Is good pun," Smithers said.

"Ya," Amidala agreed.

"Indeedyes," Leopold added.

Twilight cleared her throat. "Um, as much as I'd like to keep having fun, there's one question I'd like to ask. From what I understand, your nation formed near Saddle Arabia, and yet I didn't hear anything about you contacting them. Why did you decide to make your first foreign relations all the way here in Equestria?"

"Ah, is sad. Snek no have good history with other country," the Queen explained.

"Snek move a lot 'cause many think Snek scary," Smithers added before tasting the air with his tongue. An action that, quite honestly, was adorable.

"Equestria has good relations with many countries, and values Friendship and Harmony, mmmyes," Leopold added.

"So if ponies say Snek good, other country treat Snek good, we thinks," the Queen finished.

Twilight felt bad for the Snakes - er, Sneks. She unfortunately had to admit that she was scared of them at first, but now that she was getting to know them they seemed very friendly and fun to be around.

"Well don't you worry! As Princess of Friendship I promise to make sure the country of Snek will not only be Equestria's ally, but that all your people will be welcomed as friends here too."

"I like Twilight. She good pony," Smithers said.

"Indeedyes. Good show, dear. Now, if you could perhaps be so kind, it was quite the journey to come here, mmmyes. Perhaps we can hold off on the actual policy decision until tomorrow, mmmyes?" Leopold asked.

"Sure. Did you have anything in mind for today?" Celestia asked.

"First, we do Snek tradition. Dance to new frands. Then, go clubbing," Queen Amidala replied.

"Ya. Hear pony music good," Smithers added.

"'Dance?' You mean right now?" Twilight asked.

"Indeedyes. In fact, I happened to have brought some music from our own country of Snek. I think this would be a good way to bridge our tastes in music, mmmyes?" Leopold said, taking off his hat. He used his tail to turn on a device that was hidden in his hat, music beginning to resonate form it.

All three of the sneks raised their heads up high and began to bob and weave to the song. Twilight instinctually tapped her hoof to it, and then noticed Princess Celestia had begun to descend the stairs, bobbing her had back and forth to the rhythm as well, soon falling in step behind the sneks. Twilight shrugged and joined in, and soon all five of them were bobbing back and forth while also walking forwards, backwards, and occasionally spinning. The song ended two quickly for any of their liking.

"Ponies dance good. Be very popular back in Snek," Smithers complimented.

"Why, thank you," Celestia replied.

"Well, I think the ice has been sufficiently broken, mmmyes?" Leopold asked.

"Ya. Now we go to club scene with new frands," Amidala declared.

"To the club scene!" Celestia declared.

Leopold reached into his hat and began to play another song. All five of them bobbed back and forth as they left the throne room to the beat of the music, leaving only two guards behind.

"... So, the Queen's kinda cute."

"Dude, really!?"

"What!?"

"Ugh, not like I should be surprised."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Please, I know about those dragoness magazines you have under your bed. The whole barracks knows you've got a reptile fetish."

"My first pet was a horned lizard, get off my back!"

Author's Note

This was just written because I thought it would be fun. No discussions of morals, no lives in the balance, no long epic history, just fun. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.