Theoretical vs Experimental Sciences
Twilight paused on the threshold of Sunset’s apartment. It wasn’t the first time she had ever seen it—it struck her as a bit unusual that someone who was in high school would have their own place, but of course Sunset had spent most of her time in the human world alone. She was probably used to doing things on her own.
“I never did understand,” Twilight said as she followed Sunset into the small den area, closing the door and looking around. “How is it that you’re allowed to live on your own, Sunset? I mean, I know I was in Canterlot, but as far as I can tell, the mirror…”
“Ages you down, yeah, I noticed,” Sunset said with a bit of a mirthless laugh. “Imagine my surprise, huh? I don’t know why it does that. Maybe Starswirl was an old pervert.”
“Sunset!” Twilight glowered at her friend, who just shrugged it off with a laugh.
“Alright alright, no dumping on idols, fine,” Sunset said dismissively as she flopped onto her couch. The place was roughly furnished, which always surprised Twilight everytime she saw the place. Perhaps she couldn’t get the impression out of her head, that impression that Sunset was more than a bit spoiled. Well, spoiled might be too mild of a word for it. Regardless, it seemed almost disingenuous that someone so power hungry—or someone who had been so—would have such a humble living space.
She had a television, and a computer, but from her discussions with Sunset via her journal, Twilight had the impression that she mostly used them for research so it wouldn’t appear odd that she was out of the loop.
“So, what’s up Sparkle butt?” Sunset said as she fell backwards on the sofa, giving Twilight a cocksure smirk.
“I think Rainbow’s been a bad influence on you, Sunset,” Twilight said haughtily, then snorted at herself.
“Probably. So, what’s up.” Sunset asked again, her eyebrows raised in an expression that suggested she noticed Twilight stalling and dodging the question.
“Oh, it’s… uh, nothing.” Twilight said, then groaned at the stupidity of the statement.
“Uh huh. You said you wanted to talk, privately.” Sunset pointed out, reminding Twilight a little bit of Celestia. Celestia never let things slide, and if she thought you were hiding something from you, she’d ferret it out, one way or another.
“Okay fine,” Twilight sighed, looking up at the ceiling as a bit of a blush coloured her face. “Look, I… I’ve been doing some thinking lately. About… well, myself, I suppose.”
“How vague.”
“Oh hush, Sunset.” Twilight gave her a glare, and Sunset stuck out her tongue. “It isn’t easy to talk about. A month ago I was getting a new shipment of books in, you know for my library… the new one.”
Sunset’s humor vanished from her face and she looked far more solemn and understanding. Twilight still missed her old home, the library in the tree. The Golden Oaks had, at first, seemed underwhelming, but it had become like a friend to her. Some place she could go and retreat and be safe and just read or be alone. Her castle was lovely, she supposed, but the library didn’t have the same feel. It wasn’t a comforting hug, but a sterile, impersonal research library. It reminded Twilight, oddly, of her former life in Canterlot, where she never valued friendship and just pushed ponies aside when she had other—seemingly better—things to do. It wasn’t something she necessarily wanted to go back to.
Still, Ponyville did need a library, and she was more than happy to provide one.
“Sooo,” Twilight licked her lips. This was it. This was what she was dreading. Oh, she had talked herself into it, she needed somepony—someone—to talk to, and she didn’t really have anypony else who was close enough, but also distinct enough. At least physically, if not emotionally. Perhaps it said something about her that she found it easier to confide in Sunset than any of her other friends. “There was a book, The Flowering You, in the shipment, and at first I kind of though—”
“Ooooh,” Sunset’s face flashed with understanding, then morphed into a bit of a playful smirk. “I remember my mom giving me that book—to educate me. Such graphic pictures.”
“Y-yeah,” Twilight’s face was practically on fire now. “Yeah, very, um, detailed. You could tell the artist took her time with them.”
“Oh yeah.” Sunset laughed. “I never thought—but— oh come on, Twilight, please tell me this isn’t the first time you’ve, you know, had the talk, of all things. You’re like twenty seven!”
“I’m twenty five, thank you very much, and yes, of course, I have.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “It’s just my education was more hooves on, with Cadance.”
Sunset blushed too, as she stared at Twilight with a bemused expression—it took Twilight a moment to realize just what she had said.
“Oh gosh, I didn’t mean it like that!” Twilight cried, covering her face with her hooves—no, hands, she had hands here—and resolutely not looking at Sunset at all. “Cadance took me aside and, and well... “
“Okay, so,” Sunset said, breaking the silence between them before it got really awkward. “So… what? What’s the big deal? I mean, it isn’t like you’re a blushing virgin—” Sunset snorted. “Mostly. So what’s with the clandestine meetings to talk with your weird friend living on the other side of a magical mirror?”
“It’s just, the book had some… uh, points, that I hadn’t considered before.” Twilight spoke carefully, and slowly, as if worried she’d frighten Sunset off. “Uh, well, Sunset, I know from some of what you’ve told me you’re probably familiar with, uh, h-homosexuality.”
Sunset stared at her, then chuckled. Which progressed to a full on belly laugh while Twilight sat mortified. With difficulty, Sunset choked her laugher down enough to grin at Twilight; “Twi, are you… are you trying to tell me you’re a fillyfooler?”
“No!” Twilight said vehemently, a gut reaction to Sunset’s words, before she frowned to herself. “Or… yes? Maybe? I don’t know, Sunset, that’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oookay?” Sunset frowned at her and pulled her legs up to her chest. “So, why do you suddenly think you’re gay?”
“It’s just that when I was reading it—I never read it before, you see, and I wanted to make sure I put it in the appropriate section of the library, you know how it is.”
Sunset rolled her eyes.
“It just, I got to the section on relationships, and I started reading the section on… homosexuals, and…” Twilight bit her lip and got to her feet. It was weird, only having two legs, rather than the appropriate number of them—four—but pacing was at least familiar, even if it was in the much smaller space of Sunset's low cost apartment. “It just.. I don’t know, struck a chord with me.”
“I have difficulty believing that Cadance left out homosexuality when she taught you about the birds and the bees, Twilight,” Sunset said with a smirk. “I have it on good authority that she’s had her nose up under some mare tail—”
“Sunset!” Twilight cried, flushing redder. She certainly didn’t need that image in her head. Cadance was like a sister to her, a sister in the eyes of the law, actually. And she was married! To her brother!
“Sorry sorry,” Sunset gestured with her hands placatingly. “But I do stand by my point, she’s Cadance, she’s all about love, in all its forms.”
“Well, yes, that’s true.” Twilight’s cheeks faded as she worked her way back and forth, pacing in front of the other mare—other woman. “She did talk about it, I suppose it just… I may have been a bit young at the time, you know. I don’t know what possessed her to… well, you know. But I suppose I just didn’t appreciate what she was saying when she was saying it and…”
“Right.” Sunset nodded, cupping her face with her palms and leaning forward on her knees. “So you think you’re gay.”
“I don’t know if I am, Sunset, I’m… confused,” Twilight sighed and stopped pacing, taking a moment to breath in and out, calming her rising sense of anxiety. “Like I said, something about the section resonated with me. It was like I was reading about myself, some of my thoughts and feelings I’ve had.”
“Ahh” Sunset nodded understandingly. “But that can be dangerous—you ought to know, given you had Celestia as a teacher, it’s dangerous to try to self diagnose.”
“Hence why I’m here,” Twilight said. “I mean, I’m just… not sure. I understand the concept of… well, being into mares. I do. I think.”
“At least mechanically.”
Twilight frowned at her. “Yes, well. I suppose that’s true. It’s just, I’ve had… attractions, to other ponies. Other girls, I mean, but…”
“But?”
“How can I tell if I’m sexually attracted to them or I’m just…” Twilight made a spinning motion with her hand as she tried to gather her thoughts in. “Okay, for example, I… I had something toward Rarity, for a while.”
“Oh yeah? She’s hot.” Sunset smiled, although Twilight wasn’t sure Sunset had ever so much as seen a picture of Rarity. Well, her Rarity, anyway. Pony Rarity. Truly, this mirror universe was an endless well of confusion.
“Is she?” Twilight asked rhetorically, then laid it all out. “I mean, is she somepony I find hot? As in sexually attractive? Or do I just appreciate her because she’s beautiful? Hay, maybe I’m not even thinking in those terms, really. Maybe I’m just jealous of her.”
“Jealous of her?” Sunset repeated, a smile creeping onto her lips. “Why?”
“She’s very… beautiful,” Twilight said slowly, trying her best not to introduce any biases into her and or her own thought process. This was why she hated introspection. “I mean, I know you know the human Rarity, but compared to Pony Rarity? She’s nothing. No hips or tail to—”
Twilight cut herself off as she blushed.
“Right.” Sunset said, apparently deciding to let the comment go in order to help a friend. “So she’s hot. You’re attracted to her. What’s the big deal?”
“But am I really?” Twilight sighed. It felt like she was going in circles, both figuratively and physically, even though her pacing was more linear, do to the limited floor space in Sunset’s den. “I mean, when I look at her, how do I know if I’m actually attracted to her?”
“Does she turn you on?” Sunset asked, bluntly.
“I…” Twilight’s thoughts drifted for a moment, remembering several nights prior where she had… it had been the night she finally broke down and wrote to Sunset. She needed help. Or at least advice. “I dunno.”
Sunset grinned. “Oooh, you hesitated! You were!”
“Sunset, please,” Twilight said tiredly, trying get certain thoughts—certain memories—out of her head. She didn’t need to be dwelling on them now of all times, not when she was trying to seriously approach the issue. “How do I know I’m turned on by her and not the… naughty thrill of it?” Just to spite her, her voice cracked a bit and her blush intensified. Damn Cadance for ruining her vocabulary.
Her friend fell onto her back laughing up a storm, although her laugher died relatively quickly when Twilight didn’t join in. “Why me, though? I know you said I’ve had some experience, and all, but… well, I could see not Rarity, obviously, but what about Cadance? I’m sure she’d be happy to help.”
“I’m sure she would be, but she can also be very, uh,” Twilight tried to find the word for it. “Enthusiastic. If she thought I had a crush she’d—”
“Gotcha.” Sunset nodded, then she looked amused. And thoughtful. Something that reminded Twilight a bit too much of her mentor. “So… do you? Besides Rarity.”
Twilight spared the unicorn-turned-human a flat look. “I can’t figure out whether or not I’m gay, Sunset, how could I have a crush? And I never said I had those sorts of feelings for Rarity… at least, I don’t think so.”
“If you did have feelings for someone—somepony—though, that’d probably be a pretty good indication,” Sunset mused. “I mean, I assume you’re probably more bi than just gay, given you and Flash—”
“I’m not sure I ever liked him like that, either,” Twilight sighed heavily, stopping her pacing path and dropping onto the sofa next to Sunset, staring up at the stucco ceiling. “Maybe it was just, like…”
“Okay.” Sunset said, tapping her lips with her finger as she thought. Then she smiled, a sort of sly, foxy smile that Twilight wasn’t sure she liked the look of. It reminded her a bit too much of the old Sunset Shimmer. Powerful, haughty, willing to do what it took. Not malicious, this time, though, thankfully. Without that dark edge, Twilight actually found herself liking the look more than she remembered. “I think know what to do.”
“You do?” Twilight sat up straight as a bolt, grinning at Sunset. She knew she’d be able to help! Maybe there were additional books Twilight could read, or ways of approaching the data she already had… “What?”
“Well, it seems to me,” Sunset sat up herself, her face falling and she looked more like she was steeling herself rather than cocksure. “That you’re over thinking this. You’re too much of a theoretical scientist for your own good.”
Twilight frowned at that, feeling somewhat offended.
Sunset glanced at her, the look of determination replaced with a warm smile, as she leaned towards Twilight. “Sometimes you can’t find the answers in a book, Twilight. Sometimes you gotta… experiment.”
Twilight only had a moment to think, to process Sunset’s words before her face filled her field of vision and her lips touched hers. They were soft, so soft and warm. Sunset’s arm snaked around her and pulled her closer, a suddenly warm between their own bodies and Sunset pressed against her. The gentleness turned to need, to a raw, burning hunger in her belly. She wanted more she wanted—
Twilight shoved Sunset off of her as her mind finally caught up with her.
“Ew, gross!” Twilight said, her voice coming out as a whine as she scrambled backwards against the couch’s armrest. “I said I thought I might be into mares, Sunset, not humans!”
The woman in question looked somewhat dumbfounded, her hair in wild disarray framing her face like fire around the sun as she stared, somewhat blankly, at Twilight. Only for a heart beat though. She grinned sheepishly. “Sorry…” Sunset said, then licked her lips and seemed surprised by them for a moment. “So…”
“Yeah.” Twilight said. The rush, the adrenaline drained away, leaving her feeling… empty, perhaps. Empty, but clear of thought.
Sunset grinned. “So… you wanna go out sometime, Twi?”
Twilight returned the grin just as brightly. “I think I know just the place, actually…”