There were twelve of them, lined up in three rows of four each – twelve amazing baked goods with a cheerful disposition and a bright future. Pinkie had placed them into a white cardboard box with great care and respect. These cupcakes had been made from the finest flour and had the most amazing lemon-flavored icing. Each one was a picture of perfection. That was to be expected; after all, they were her cupcakes. Baking was one of the things she did best.
The energetic pink pony eyed them carefully one more time. There was a lot riding on this, and she knew she couldn’t afford to make any mistakes. These cupcakes would not get a second chance if they failed their mission. Each one of the confectionary treats had to be properly shaped, with an evenly distributed layer of icing. No cupcake was permitted to be larger than its neighbor, nor could they be burned or undercooked. Pinkie’s critical gaze convinced her that this batch met her high standard of quality. The five cupcakes she had eaten before she boxed this dozen verified that their flavors passed the test. That meant there was only one thing left to do before these cupcakes began their new life outside Sugarcube Corner. It was time for their graduation.
Pinkie cleared her throat. “Excuse me, all you lovely cupcakes and cupcake-ettes! If I might have a moment of your time, I have a very important announcement to make. What I am about to say is super important, so listen up! Yes, yes, I see you there in the back. I know you think you’ve got more important things to talk about right now, but trust me: you don’t. You are being sent on a mission, and the fate of harmony itself is hanging in the balance.
“How is that possible? Well, I’m glad you asked, cupcake #3! It’s simple. You see, you are not the first cupcakes that have come out of this fine baking establishment – not by a long shot. Sugarcube Corner has a history that goes way, way back. Many generations of cupcakes have been raised here and gone out to serve the ponies of Equestria. You have a proud history to live up to!”
Pinkie pointed to the oven behind them. “Do you see that oven back there? That is where you were raised. Like, literally. That is where you were transformed from really yummy cupcake batter into even more amazing cupcakes. That crucible of fire and metal transformed you into what you are today. It wasn’t an easy process – not a bit. It takes a great deal of skill to form my Lemon Surprise line of baked goods. If you had the wrong amount of sugar in you then everything would have been lost. If some crazy pony had forgotten to buy eggs and substituted tofu instead then everything would have really been lost. Many tears have been shed for the tragedies of the past – the great, amazing cupcakes that could have been.
“But we are not here to dwell on the past! We are here to celebrate the future – specifically, to celebrate your future. You are not a box of baked bads; you are a box of baked goods. Never forget that! You are the best of the best. Since you survived the refining fires, you are now ready to save Equestria.”
Pinkie paused to make sure the cupcakes were paying close attention to her. She needed them to hear what she was about to tell them. Ignorance was simply not an option – not with so much at stake.
The pink pony gestured at the window of the bakery. “Do you see that world out there? That world is filled with ponies – hungry ponies. They need to eat something. Without food, the ponies of Equestria would lead pretty short lives. A world without food would quickly turn into a world without ponies – and we don’t want that, now, do we?
“But I know what you’re thinking. There’s a lot of grass out there – in fact, there are entire fields of it! If all ponies really need is a bunch of calories (along with other assorted nutrients) then couldn’t they just go out and graze? The answer is yes: yes they could. But that would be a sad and dreary life.
“You see, my dear sugary friends, life can be really hard on ponies. Sometimes ponies get depressed and forget how to smile. Sometimes parasprites invade and destroy entire towns. Sometimes things just don’t turn out the way that ponies would like. There are times when everypony just needs a little laughter in their lives. They need something to smile about. When those times come, do you know what isn’t going to help?”
Pinkie looked expectantly at her box of cupcakes. “That’s right! Nice going, cupcake #11. Eating grass is not going to lighten the mood. Like, at all. If you’ve lost your favorite stuffed bugbear and everything seems hopeless and lost, a mouthful of grass is not going to make everything better. That is when you need something bright. Something cheerful. Something warm and moist and delicious and lemon-flavored. That, my friends, is where you come in.
“Every part of you was crafted in order to delight the hearts of ponies. Your shape is round and inviting. Your texture is light and smooth. Your flavor is tart, yet sweet. The gentle yellow shade of your icing is pleasing to behold. The quantity of calories is enough to satisfy, but not enough to overwhelm. You are a package of delightful, edible joy. That is, you can be, if you want to be. But do you?”
Pinkie waited for her cupcakes to respond. To her surprise they had little to say.
Pinkie frowned at them. “Is that what you call enthusiasm? You’re going to have to do a lot better than that before I release you into Ponyville! This is no time to be depressed. I realize that you’re lemon-flavored, but that doesn’t mean you are supposed to be sour! How can you brighten the life of some poor, pitiful pony if you’re pitiful yourself? How can you cheer the hearts of your fellow Equestrians if your own heart is sad? I expect so much more from you!
“You are cupcakes, and that is serious business. The harmony of this entire nation depends on the laughter and good feeling of its residents. You were created to bring joy and delight, without being too fattening. Without laughter, ponies will start to get a little grumpy. Fights will break out and harmony will break down. The next thing you know there will be distrust and anger everywhere, and all will be lost. I think that’s when the windigoes are supposed to come and freeze us all, but I’m not entirely sure. I don’t usually let things go that far.
“Now, I know it’s not an easy job. I know what you’re afraid of: the grump. Yes, there are some ponies that can never be pleased no matter how hard you try. Sometimes even giving a pony a balloon won’t lift their spirits. You smile and sing to them and rearrange their living room furniture, and they still won’t be happy. Sometimes there’s just nothing you can do to make them smile. If that is who you get as a client then all you can do is be the best cupcake you can possibly be. Maybe – just maybe – your delectable goodness will be the tipping point in their life. You just never know.”
Pinkie stared into the soul of each of her cupcakes. “So tell me. You are about to go out into Ponyville and cheer up the downtrodden and downcast. If any of you think you’re not up to it then speak up now. I’m not going to send you out there if you’re not going to have the right attitude! This is your last chance to back out. Speak now or forever hold your peace.”
Pinkie closely regarded each cupcake, one at a time. “Very well. Then welcome to Ponyville! Let’s go out there and make the world a brighter place.”
Pinkie excitedly closed the cupcake box and carried it out the door of the bakery.
