Even if I could talk, I'd have no clue what to say.
I mean, can you blame me? I know for a fact that I wasn't the only person at CHS who was stunned to the point of stupidity by Octavia Melody. After all, she was the most perfect girl to ever grace God’s green earth. Cute and smart and cute and funny. And she's cute, too. She was also kinda… scary.
Not that she's mean or anything. She just doesn't mess around, you know? Doesn't believe in beating around the bush, which is something I definitely dig about her. Some people (mostly guys she's rejected) called her cold, but she preferred the word direct. After a whole life of people BSing me over my disability, that directness was refreshing.
Octavia was the first person I ever met who treated me like a normal person. Most people I meet speak really slow when they talk to me, so I could read their lips, I guess. Nobody took the time to learn that I could hear just fine. Even if they did, they'd never get to the level of understanding I had with Octavia.
“Which makes the answer… Vinyl, are you even listening?”
Crap.
“Vinyl Scratch, you are something else,” scoffed Octavia. “I came all the way to your house, after orchestra, mind you, and you don't even have the decency to pay attention to the tutoring?”
I snapped back to reality, trying to focus on the world around me. We were in my room going over math homework that I was supposed to turn in weeks ago. I was gonna leave it to kill my grade, but Tavi wouldn't let me. Better late than never, she said.
“Vinyl…”
I shrugged, then slipped my shades on top of my head to show her my puppy dog eyes. Octavia rolled her eyes dramatically, but I noticed the start of a smile creep to her lips.
“Sorry isn't going to cut it, I'm afraid,” she said dryly. “If you’re not going to take this seriously, I can always go home and take a well-earned nap.”
I shook my head vigorously, folding my hands together in silent begging.
“Answer this next question properly, and I'll stay,” she said. “X squared over six both divided by X to the fifth over twelve.” I pulled out a blank sheet and a pen, copied down the question, and quickly scribbled out my work. A few numbers in, and Octavia grabbed me by the wrist.
“Calm down, Vinyl. I'm not actually going anywhere. Take as much time as you need.”
I took a deep breath, then tried again. Good thing, too, because I had already messed up in my hurry. I took my time and, after five minutes, emerged with an answer.
“Two over X cubed,” said Octavia, reading over my work. She broke into a full-on smile. “Very good. You actually are learning, aren’t you?”
That smile. I tried to act cool, shrug as if it was nothing, but I was melting inside after seeing that smile. She was so freaking pretty, I didn't know what to do.
“You think you can do the next set yourself?” asked Octavia. I nodded my head, then checked the next set of numbers.
The equation stretched on for a line and a half. I sighed, then shook my head.
“Well, give it a go, love,” said Octavia. “I'll be here if you get stuck.”
For the record, I'm not actually that bad at math. If I would've paid attention from the start of the semester, I'd probably be top of my class. Problem was it's boring as all hell, and not all that useful. I mean, I'm a DJ, when am I ever gonna need to know the square root of a hypotenuse or whatever it is? If I didn’t know Octavia, I'd have dropped out as soon as I could. I would've stopped trying to pass from freshman year on.
But Octavia was smart. She wanted to move forward, balance school and music. She'd pass all her classes easy, and move on to the next grade. I didn't want to get left behind.
“I'm quite thirsty. You wouldn't happen to have anything to drink, would you?” asked Octavia. I pointed down, then opened an invisible refrigerator. Octavia nodded, then stood up and left the room to find a drink.
Octavia has been trying to learn sign language for me, so she could understand my form of communication, since we met on our first day at CHS. She hasn't made much traction, but not for lack of trying. It's a tough thing to learn and most people only put up with it when they absolutely have to. Besides, she gets it. She understood that my pointing and miming to the fridge meant “help yourself”, and that wasn't an unusual thing to happen. It's not as if she has any trouble understanding what I wanna say.
Well, for the most part.
“Vinyl, dear, would you like a soda or an iced tea?” called Octavia from downstairs. I stood up and stomped my foot twice. “Alright, I'll be right there.”
I normally didn’t mind my situation. Sure, not being able to talk sucked sometimes, but I didn't really need to talk. I let my music speak for me. And, somehow, I'm pretty popular around school, even though I can't really participate in any of their conversations or jokes. But, for the most part, being mute gets a bad wrap, and I normally wouldn't change anything about myself.
This was the exception to that. The one time I’d give anything to be able to look someone in the face and speak.
“Alright, I’m back.” Octavia slipped back into the room, handing me my iced tea before sitting down with her soda. I smiled, then pointed two finger guns at her while clicking my tongue. Anyone else would just be confused, but Octi knew better. She knew that meant “thank you”.
“Don’t mention it. Right, so we should finish this up soon,” said Octavia. “I have to be home by six or my mum starts to worry.”
I nodded, then, as quickly as I could, finished my remaining problems. With Octavia’s guidance, I didn’t worry about getting any wrong. She would sometimes stop me mid-problem to restart it and do it again. I can do better, she said. They don't give out medals for “almost” correct, she said.
They do, and they're called silver, but that's one of those things that are kinda hard to say with just body language and clicks.
“Very good, Vinyl. Frankly, I don’t think you actually needed my help,” said Octavia, looking over my work one last time. “Just be sure to look out for those irrational numbers. If you get one for an answer, you’re probably wrong. And practice your quadratics, you seem to struggle with those.”
I rolled my eyes, but smirked and gave her a thumbs up. She helped me get my work together, then packed up her own stuff, slinging her backpack over her shoulder when it was good and full.
“Well, Vinyl, I really must start heading home. Are we still on for tomorrow?” she asked. I nodded. “Good. It has been far too long since CHS has heard our brilliance!”
Octavia was a pretty quiet girl. She kinda stood to herself, didn’t make much of a fuss over anything, and she doubted herself a lot. When we first met, she said she was afraid to talk to me. Something about not being cool enough to hang out with me and my group of friends. To some extent, I understood how she could feel that way. If you looked at me, then looked at Tavi, you wouldn’t think that we’d be able to be friends. Polar opposites. So I can see how she’d be afraid to talk to me.
But all of that fear, doubt, worry, all of it goes straight out the window when it comes to music. She was super confident, downright cocky when it came to her music. I loved it. She was the best in the school at what she did, and, if the Battle of the Bands was just an orchestra contest, she would’ve crushed anyone. She was mainly a cellist, but I was convinced she could play anything. I’ve seen her play violin, viola, flute, oboe, clarinet, piccolo. One weekend, she learned piano just for the fun of it. I knew she was a musician from day one, but it wasn’t until a few months after we met that she found out about my tunes.
She told me that she normally avoided my style of music, which I could understand from a girl like her. As a refined, kinda posh foreign girl, she obviously was into classical and opera and other crap that makes kids my age groan and fall asleep. Since she didn’t follow my genre, she had no idea that I mixed. It wasn’t until she accidentally overheard my remix of Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 did she start to take anything even remotely electronic seriously (She’s even starting to branch out to other genres because of me). She later accused me of remixing that particular song especially for her, but I never confirmed that to be true.
After that, she insisted that I show her my entire bag of tricks. I showed her my best tracks, hoping to impress her. She didn’t lose her mind like a lot of people who heard my music, and I think that’s one of the reasons I liked her so much. Most people hear rad music and that’s all it is to them. With Octavia, she wanted more out of it. So I recorded some of her performances, modernized and remixed it to make it a bit easier on teenage ears, and played it whenever we got the chance. The students loved it, Octavia loved it, so, obviously, I loved it.
“Goodbye, Vinyl,” said Octavia. “Take care. We’ll meet at my place for lunch. I’ve let you play host far too much as of late.” She crossed the room and gave me a warm, innocent, friendly hug. I wanted to kiss her, just lock my lips onto her and never let off. I wanted to scream how I felt and talk to her and just let her know that she’s more than just my best friend. She’s always been more than that.
Instead, I laughed quietly, then waved goodbye as Octavia walked herself out of my room and out of my house. When she was gone, I fell onto my back, groaning as I did. What was I gonna do? I couldn’t keep going on like this. I had to do something.
I had to speak up. It was the only way to not drive myself crazy. But how does a dumb, underachieving mute chick catch the attention of a girl that's the poster child of grace and beauty? I wish my dad was around. He normally gave pretty good advice. But he was gone because of work, and there was no way I'd be able to wait until he got back. Besides, how would I even explain that to him? It's not like anyone knew I was gay. Part of not being able to talk, I guess.
After a bit, I stood up from my floor and went around to do my chores. I’d normally put it off, but then my mom would get home from work and pester me, so I decided to get it done early. When I was finished, I wrote a little note and stuck it to the fridge. It was letting my mom know that I was feeling sick and I was going to bed early.
But I didn’t. As soon as I had my door closed behind me, I put on my headphones and played music. Not my own music, or anything even kinda like it. I put on Liebe. It was the first song that she ever composed for me. Well, not for me. She composed it for fun, then made me listen to it to tell her how it was. She was so embarrassed by it now, said it was awful compared to what she put together now. I told her I’d delete it, but I couldn’t let it go. It was too good.
I sank into my mattress, letting the strings of Tavi’s cello wrap me up. It was only a few minutes long, but I set it on repeat. I thought about her, trying to decide what I should do. I couldn’t just tell her, could I? That’d be stupid. Social suicide. It’s not hard to understand that you should never, ever fall for your best friend. But, at the same time, I couldn’t just stop crushing on her. It couldn’t be that easy.
About an hour passed and I decided that I’d text her.
Hey
Assuming she was done with her own homework and didn’t have anything to do, it would only take her a minute or two to respond. Thankfully, she texted me back as quickly as I thought she would.
What’s up, love?
Even though I knew she’d be texting back so soon, I froze. I had no clue what to say. How could I possibly put it into words? Then, I realized I didn’t have to. Somebody had already done it for me.
RE: We Need To Talk
Is everything okay?
I Want To Tell You Something
There was a few minutes of pause where Octavia didn’t respond, and I had to pray that she was figuring out what I was trying to do.
Why are you texting me song titles?
I grinned, imagining her complete and utter confusion. I could imagine her, one eyebrow raised and her mouth slightly agape. She was such a cutie.
All I Want is to say this before I go insane. But I Can’t Decide whether I should say it or not.
Vinyl… What are you talking about?
I took a deep breath, then let it out. This was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever done.
I’m talking about… Liebe
Two whole minutes passed before I got another response.
I’m sorry?
I Just Called To Say I Love You
Five minutes turned into ten minutes which turned into fifteen minutes of silence. Terrifying silence. She could’ve said anything, but she decided to stay quiet. I sat there and wondered if, somehow, I messed things up. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Tavi?
That’s not funny
Oh no. Oh no, she thought I was joking. Crap, I shouldn’t have said that. Crap!
Wait, nononono, I’m sorry, I swear I wouldn’t do that. I knew I would mess this up, I just knew it. Just forget I said anything. Goodnight
Crap! Why was I such a screw-up? Just… Damn it all! I yanked my headphones off, tugging at my hair. I ruined it. How would I be able to face her tomorrow? I’d melt on the spot. Oh, god, how did I manage to screw up a simple sentence? All I had to do was say that I had the hots for her. No jokes, no gimmicks, just a single frigging sentence, and I ruined it by trying to be a smart-ass. Maybe me being mute was a good thing. If I could actually talk, I might’ve screwed up even worse. I’d be lucky if she never spoke to me again.
Vinyl, are you serious?
My heart was pounding. I felt like dying, and I knew that answering that question wrong could very well be the end of my friendship with Octavia. Nothing was worth that. So, I took a deep sigh, and decided to go with honesty.
Yes. I wouldn’t joke about that. Look, we can drop this if you want. Forget I said anything
Vinyl… What would you do If I Was Your Girlfriend?
I laughed. I actually laughed, so hard that I dropped my phone. Not only was Octavia the most perfect girl I’ve ever met, but she just set me up for the greatest joke ever.
Well, I don’t know if I could say what I would do, but I can tell you what I’d never do
???
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
No response for a few minutes, which said to me that she listened to the whole song. I smiled at her next response, which was about what I’d expect from her.
I hate you
Do you really?
No…
Well, do you love me?
This time, her long pause didn’t quite scare me as much. I didn’t immediately panic. Don’t get me wrong, I still panicked a whole hell of a lot. Just not all at once.
That’s not an easy question to answer
You run through my math hw like it’s nothing but that’s not an easy question?
I waited a few moments before adding a second message.
That was a joke btw
Vinyl, you’re my best friend. I don’t want that to change for anything
My stomach folded in on itself. That’s the thing I really didn’t want to hear.
So… That’s a no, then?
It was dumb of me to think any otherwise. Why would she ever go for a girl like me? No voice, no brains, no chance. I didn’t even ask if she liked girls! What the hell was wrong with me?
Not so easy. You sort of took me off guard with this one. I don't know how I feel
But you feel something?
You were the first friend I made when I came to this country. You've gotten me through some of my toughest moments. And I feel something for you that's more than just friendship. I just don't know if that's love.
Okay. That wasn't the worst possible answer. She didn’t necessarily not like me back. It was complicated. I could live with that
I know it's a lot to ask, but just think about it. Look for a sign or something. Something to make me feel like this wasn’t a horrible mistake
This had the longest pause yet. Nearly twenty minutes of radio silence. It was entirely possible that Octavia just went to sleep, left me on “R” and turned her back to me. But I knew Octavia as well as she knew me, and she would never do that.
Okay, Vinyl. I'll think about it . I'll meet you at the school tomorrow. I might be a bit late, thinking about things
I sighed. That was fine.
Ok. That's all I can really ask for.
About a minute passed, and I thought it'd be a good idea to add this
Goodnight, Tavi. Ily
To my surprise, her response came in a bit on the quick side.
Goodnight, Vinyl. I hope, no matter what, things work out
Me too, Octi. Me too.
When Octavia was late, I knew I had screwed up. She was a very punctual girl. She'd never be late on purpose. Yet, here I was in front of that portal statue, completely alone. Octavia must not have wanted to see me. Honestly, I couldn't blame her.
Maybe I was too forward. I should've eased her in, instead of just jumping out and saying it. I should've asked her if she was gay, or if she had her eye on someone or something. God, I messed things up bad.
When Octavia left me in the cool breeze for a full twenty minutes, I stood up, put in my earbuds and played Liebe. I didn’t want to leave, but it was pointless to stay. She looked for a sign and found nothing. I couldn’t hate her for that. I let the song consume me for a bit before turning around and heading home.
I don't know how I didn't hear her walk up. She must've came around after the music had started. She stood, just a few feet away from me, either unable or unwilling to say anything.
I waved, then smiled and pointed two finger guns at her.
“Vinyl…” She started, but didn't finish. She took a deep breath before continuing. “Alright, so I thought about what you said yesterday. You asked me to look for some sort of sign.”
I bit my lip and turned slightly away. I almost didn't want to hear what she had to say. It was too much to bear.
But I didn’t have to hear what she said, because she didn't speak at all. Instead, she started swiping her hands through the air, slowly and carefully forming signs. It was sloppy and clearly her first time seriously attempting to convey a thought in sign language, but I understood it fine.
'How's this for a sign?'
Before I could really think about what she was saying, she leaned forward and kissed me. It was soft and warm and made me feel as if nothing else could ever go wrong again. I think my brain shut off for a while, cause I don’t actually remember breaking apart. When I opened my eyes again, Tavi was blushing, and she refused to look anywhere even close to my eyes.
“So… That most certainly happened,” said Octavia.
Yeah, it sure as hell did. I gave her my goofiest grin, asking with just my smile when it could happen again.
“Well… Care to come record, love?” asked Octavia. “If we’re to be dating, I expect you to be by my side at all times.”
Dating. I was getting the chance to date Octavia Melody. Who in their right mind would have seen that coming?
She offered me her arm, which I wrapped with my own. All the while, during all my shock, my excitement, my joy… her music was still playing in my ear. I took out one earbud and slipped it into Octavia’s ear. I heard her gasp slightly in surprise as she realized what I had been listening to this whole time.
“You promised me you’d delete that wretched piece,” said Octavia scoldingly. “Why’d you keep it?”
I opened my mouth, wishing for the words to flow out as easily as they did in my head. When that didn’t work, I raised my hands and slowly signed it out.
'You can’t just get rid of love'
