Princess Twilight Sparkle sat in silence as her carriage wove through the barren wastes of the badlands. She had just sat through a session of negotiations with Thorax, the new leader of the changelings. She was sitting alone staring at a pile of documents and agreements. They would be presented to Celestia and Luna when Twilight returned to Canterlot for finalization and for their signatures. Her guards were outside since she had asked for privacy to read them over.
The truth was, these documents were fine. She had them memorized as quickly as the words were written down during negotiations, a skill learned from years of studying. The privacy was for a much sadder reason. She was contemplating a single question. The question that had been tormenting her for weeks now, in every silent moment since the Changelings had almost conquered Equestria for the second time.
What is my destiny?
It all began when Twilight saw the sonic rainboom. Thanks to that event she earned her cutie mark, hatched Spike, and was accepted as Celestia's personal student. It was the best day of Twilight's life and one she looked back on fondly. She got to study magic under the princess herself and with many other powerful unicorns. She knew exactly how she was going to spend her life. She would study obscure spells and make discoveries that would make the world a better place. It was what her idol Star Swirl the Bearded did and it was exactly what the princess was teaching her to do.
There was nothing more she could possibly want, buried in her books studying the secrets of the universe. Then came the day Celestia sent her to Ponyville.
When Twilight found the Elements of Harmony and discovered the true meaning of friendship, it was the happiest day of her life. Celestia was happy to give her the 'choice' to stay in Ponyville with her friends. She began to research the magic of friendship, which was everything she had hoped for. She had five wonderful friends who taught her how to truly live outside of her library. Her home was a library surrounded by books and could study any magic or science her heart desired.
Their friendship grew rapidly as they had dozens of adventures. Ponyville was a wonderful town and Twilight couldn’t imagine going back to Canterlot. It wasn’t all peaceful of course. Equestria was threatened again and again, but Twilight and her friends stood firm against Discord, Chrysalis, and King Sombra. Every victory brought her and her friends closer together through the good times and the bad.
There was nothing more she could possibly want when she was with her friends she felt complete. Then came the day Celestia sent her Starswirl the Bearded’s incomplete spell.
When Twilight became an Alicorn and was crowned the fourth Princess of Equestria it was supposed to be the happiest day of Twilight's life. In a whirlwind instant she went from academia to ascension; from researcher to ruler; from learner to leader. Her best friends bowed down to her the moment she appeared after ascending and the citizens of Ponyville went from warm and accepting to wary.
Celestia hadn’t told her this was her plan and hadn’t even given her a choice. Why would she? Everypony wants to be a princess, right? How could Twilight possibly say no? Celestia told her it was her destiny to ascend but what did that mean? Did that mean coming to Ponyville was her destiny and she never really had a choice about going there? She was a princess in name only. At least she convinced her friends to stop bowing to her.
She managed to find contentment living a quiet life in her library like nothing had changed. Then Tirek had returned and Twilight was given all the Alicorn magic. And her home was destroyed.
The day the Golden Oaks Library was destroyed was the worst day of her life. Every single thing that allowed her to be Twilight the Librarian instead of Twilight the Princess was gone. Now she had to live in a crystal edifice that dominated the skyline of Ponyville. Her cutie mark was raised high in the sky, decreeing for all to see that Twilight Sparkle was the Princess of Friendship. It was a gift from the Tree of Harmony, so she couldn’t possibly reject it right?
She had a title now and a castle exactly like a princess should. Everypony bowed to her and gave her the respect she was due and didn’t want. Now she occasionally gave speeches, organized summits and occasionally solved friendship problems. Mostly she sat in her empty castle alone, waiting for a magical map to tell her where the next problem would be. So her friends could go solve it without her. She might be the princess of friendship, but she was alone more and more often.
She wasn’t even sure her friends were happy with the situation. They had all smiled when the discovered they had thrones in her castle, thrones they had never asked for and authority they had never wanted just like her. Everything seemed the same on the surface but underneath she knew they felt resentment and concern. Twilight knew they didn’t want to upset her but she knew they weren’t entirely happy with their new responsibility.
Sometimes she wished she could go back and do things differently. Then Starlight Glimmer messed around with time travel, and she learned the horrible truth.
The day Twilight Sparkle realized that her ascension was absolutely critical to the survival of Equestria, she was crushed. Even though she had talked Starlight Glimmer down and befriended her, the damage had been done. Every horrible world she witnessed being destroyed by evils she had defeated with her friends hammered home one simple fact. She never really had a choice about her life and nopony else existed who would step in to replace her. Every step, every action, even her friends were part of her destiny. What could she do once she discovered her life wasn’t hers to live?
All Twilight could do was continue. It was her destiny after all. To deny that would be to deny the survival of Equestria itself. So she drifted from task to task, helping her friends as they grew and built the lives they wanted. Rainbow got into the Wonderbolts, Rarity had her boutiques and the other girls had the lives they wanted. Twilight had to content herself with her responsibility as she waited for the next crisis she would have to handle.
She couldn’t change her destiny but Twilight was still a defender of Equestria. When things went wrong, she had the power to set them right. Then the changelings attacked and captured her effortlessly, demonstrating that she wasn't needed after all.
A bump in the road jarred Princess Twilight back into reality. She looked outside and saw same barren emptiness that she felt in her heart. They would be at Dodge Junction soon and from there they would take the train back to Canterlot and on to Ponyville. She looked out the window and watched the scenery drift past without really focusing on it. She sniffed sadly, floated the documents back into a storage case and laid her head down on the plush cushioned seat.
"What is my destiny? To do what is necessary for others to have a choice in life. To do the duty harmony has set out in front of me. Nothing more, nothing less."
She desperately wanted everything to be different, but the price of change was too high. There was no way to change the past and no room to choose her future. All Princess Twilight could do now was follow the path destiny had set before her. Twilight closed her eyes and let the rocking carriage relax her. She murmured a short rhyme as she drifted off.
“A princess sits high on her regal chair.
She looks all around but nopony is there.
The power I acquired is not the end I desired.
A princess of Equestria is what I must be.
Fulfilling my destiny leaves no choice for me.”
A single tear ran down her cheek as sleep finally took her.
Author's Note
While working on my various stories I wound up getting into Twilight's head a bit and this little story came together. It's nothing fancy, just idle thought.
Looking back over the events of the past six seasons; there haven't really been any occasions where she's had a true, free unbiased choice about the direction of her life. I could see her feeling just a bit depressed about it.
