My Life Living With A Br8k Spider

by NoGoodUsrNames99

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Comedy, Romance, Equestria Girls, Slice of Life, Crossover
Length: 1858

My name is Derek, and I attend Canterlot High. But one day, I find an alien in my basement, and my boring life gets so much more interesting.

I am a 16 year old boy named Derek. Your average, boring, boy living an average, boring, life. But all of that is about to change.

I attend Canterlot high, just the same school routine. But one day I come home, and find a fucking Alien in my basement! Apperantly her name is Vriska, and she's a troll or some shit, I don't know. But with the help of my best friend Rainbow Dash, I will have to learn how to split my life between school, work, home, and the Alien in my basement.

(In case you didn't know, it's an MLP Homestuck crossover, the original story can be found here!)
CONTENT WARNING:
This story will contain foul language and crude humor, as well as tons of innuendos. Maybe even a little violence, who knows.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-17 22:56:17 UTC

Chapter 1: And so it begins.

Hello, reader. My name is Derek, and I'm gonna be telling the story of how my life changed forever. So, if you're reading this, chances are you're interested in the concept of Aliens, heh, I can remember when confirmation of other life was shocking. Apparently there are ponies and Trolls, but I'm getting off track here.

It started on November 9th, the day before my birthday. I was your average 15 year old boy, long, black hair, with a tall, scrawny body. I had deep blue eyes and tan skin. I was covered in freckles and had bags under my eyes a lot, because I stayed up all night playing video games and shit. I moved into town and started attending Canterlot High in July, so I was very new there and didn't have a lot of friends.

I had a 9yr brother named Edwin, and a baby sister named Jennifer; or Jenny, and yet life was still boring. I was your stereotypical teenager and hated it at the time, but now I kind of miss it.

Oh well, I'm getting of track here again. That seems to be my thing. Either way, it started as I was walking to school...

"Wait, did that really happen?" Rainbow Dash asked me.

"Hell yeah it did!" I replied.

Me and Rainbow Dash where walking to school, she was my best friend; as we where neighbors.

"Edwin is such an annoying douche!" Rainbow replied, rolling her eyes.

"I know. I mean, it's MY journal! Why can't he respect that? He always has to read it to my parents!" I exclaimed.

Yeah, so I had this journal that I would write things down in, it was the only place I felt like I had privacy, well, most of the time. Basically, my whole life after the age of eight was written in that journal.

Rainbow then sighed, "Man, that sucks." She said, "Next time, you should tell him to fuck off!"

"I would, but he'd just tell my parents."

"Damn, I am SO glad I don't have any siblings."

"Way to rub it in..." I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

It was after that when we arrived at school. We walked into the main hall, and everybody was there getting ready for class. I walked over to my locker and removed my journal from my backpack and tossed it into my locker. I was about to head to class, before I saw HER.

Sunset shimmer, my ultimate crush walking down the hall. All I had ever wanted to do is ask her out, but there's one, huge, huge, problem:

"Whoops!" She exclaimed as she smacked my backpack out of my hand as she walked by, causing the contents to fly everywhere. "I didn't see you there." She said to me with a smirk.

She's a cunt.

Yeah, she's the school bully, everybody is afraid of her, and she's extra hard on me. She probably knows that I like her, word does get around in such a small town. "You know, you could at least TRY and be nice to me!" I exclaimed.

She then looked back at me, "Oh, really? Well, where's the fun in that?" She asked, giggling.

"Uh, there's lots for me!" I replied, crossing my arms.

"Yeah, but does it look like I care?" She asked, before walking off. I flipped her off as she walked away.

"You have a lot of balls talking to her like that." Rainbow said to me.

"Clearly, I do. Somebody's gotta set that bitch straight, and if I'm the one who that to do that then I will!" I yelled. It was then that Snips and Snails went silent and stared at me. "Oh fuck off!" I yelled, and they ran off.

"Well, I suppose we should get to class." Rainbow said.

I then nodded. "But first, I have to clean this shit." I said as I looked down at the floor with all the stuff from my backpack.

LATER, AT HOME:

Me and Rainbow walked home from school, and I invited her over to my house for a little bit. We walked into my living room and found my family sitting in the living room, doing their own shit. Dad was watching TV, and Mom was playing with Jenny.

"Mom! Rainbow's coming over for a bit!" I exclaimed.

"She'll need to leave at nine!" Mom replied. As we walked through my house to out basement, we passed Satan himself: Edwin.

The little imp was digging around in the fridge when I entered the kitchen. "Hey, bro! You're home!" He exclaimed, before running up to give me a hug.

"Get off of me!" I replied, pushing him off. "You think I'd want to hug you after reading my journal to Mom and Dad last night?!" I asked.

"Fine!" He yelled into my face, before running into the living room, leaving the fridge opened.

"That little shit..." I mumbled as I slammed the fridge.

Edwin was a nine-year old boy with the same black hair as me, darker skin, and huge bulky glasses. He's very autistic, so he takes a special home schooled program specifically for little shits like him. I felt glad for that; we wouldn't some to school and ruin my life there too. Anyways, me and Rainbow walked down into the basement where we always hang out.

There's a huge sofa, as well as a TV with multiple gaming consoles, and a huge coffee table, and a play place for Jenny in the corner. Rainbow and I then walked down and sat on the sofa, in front of the TV, and I set my Journal on the end table next to us.

"You know, you could at least TRY and be nice to people you don't like." Rainbow said to me.

"You know, it's hard." I replied. "When you have to live with a little shit like Edwin, you'd act like me too. Rainbow just rolled her eyes, before glancing at the candler on my wall.

"Wait, tomorrow's your birthday?" She asked me.

"Oh, yeah, but I hate my birthday."

"Why?" Asked Rainbow, lifting an eyebrow.

"Well, my Mom treats me like a baby. Every year she throws me a surprise birthday party, and I always tell her not to, but she does it anyways. And it's the kind that you would see for a little kid, too. Streamers, party hats, and they even sing happy fucking birthday!" I replied, "It's so embarrassing. In my old town, I was given the nickname 'birthday boy' witch I hated! My zodiac sign is also Scorpio, so my parents always make fun of me for being 'vengeful and a backstabber' It pisses me off."

"Oh, sounds rough." Rainbow replied.

I then shrugged. "Yeah, feel lucky you're not me." I then flipped the TV on. Then, suddenly, there was a small draft in the room. "Wait, where is that coming from?" I asked, looking at the one window is the basement. It was closed. Then the wind got stronger, before a huge light appeared in the middle of the room, and all the electricity turned off.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Rainbow and I screamed in harmony.

There was then a huge flash of light. When I opened my eyes, there was a girl passed out in the middle of the floor.

"Yeah, I'm gonna lay off the weed." I said.

"You're not high, dumbass! I see it too!" Rainbow exclaimed as the lights came back on.

The girl had gray skin and long black hair, with two orange horns sticking out of the top of her head. The one on the left had a crescent shape on it, and the one on the right had a large spike facing down. She was wearing a black shirt with the Scorpio symbol on it in a cobalt blue color, and a gray long sleeved jacket over that. She also wore a pair of blue jeans, and had thin black glasses, with yellow eyes and black pupils. Her left pupil was smaller, with six tiny dots next to it, and her left arm is also robotic.

"What the fuck?" I thought. Suddenly, I heard my parents upstairs run to the entrance of the basement. "Shit! My parent's are coming!" I yelled.

"Uh oh!" Rainbow replied.

"Help me get her into the closet!" I yelled. I then picked the girl up and dragged her over to the broom closet, and shoved her in. I had the door closed by the time my parents got to the bottom of the stairs.

"What the hell is going on down here?!" My Dad screamed.

"Daryl!" My Mom replied, holding Jenny.

"Well, uh, I um." I didn't know what to say, there was some gray-ass hoe in the closet, and I had no idea what the fuck was going on.

Rainbow then stepped in front of me to my parents. "Well, we where sitting here and then the power went out completely, so Derek ran over to the circuit breaker and flipped the electricity back on." She said. Suddenly, the phone started ringing upstairs.

"I'll go get that, you deal with this, Daryl" My Mom said, before taking Jenny up the stairs.

My Dad then looked at me, "So what you're telling me is some power-out came out of nowhere?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Y-Yep!" I exclaimed, as nervous as hell.

Dad then looked me dead in the eyes, with a confused look on his face. "Well..." I then started to sweat. "...aaaalirhg then." he said, before heading up the stairs.

I then wiped my forehead. "Phew..." I sighed. "That was close!" I said to Rainbow.

"Uhh, yeah, but the girl is still in the closet!" She exclaimed.

"Oh shit, you're right!" I replied, before running over to the closet and opening it, having her fall out with her foot stuck in a bucket. "Hello?" I picked her up by the shoulders and started shaking her back and forth. "You still alive?"

Her eyes then slowly opened, "Ugh...whu..." She groaned. I then sighed in relief, and set her down. "Wh...what happened?" The girl asked, sitting up and holding onto her head. "Where the fuck am I? Who the fuck are you?!" She yelled.

"Well, I'm Derek, and this is Rainbow Dash." I answered.

"W8..." She said, as she looked down and saw the bucket stuck to her foot. "HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!" She exclaimed, jumping to her feet and kicking her foot and having the bucket fly off and smash against the wall.

Rainbow then put her finger up to her lips, "Shhhhh!"

"Wh8t the fuck is this?!" The girl replied. "Some sort of sexual assault?!?!?!?!"

"Shut up." I whispered. "People aren't supposed to know you're here."

"Why?! 8ecause you're r8ping me?!"

"No!" I yelled back.

"Then why the fuck was there a 8ucket on my foot?!?!?!?!"

"Derek shoved you in there to hide you from his parents!" Rainbow replied.

The girl then looked at me angry, before running up and sucker-punching me in the jaw. The last thing I heard was her yelling swears as I passed out.