MLP: Anthology of Interest

Chapters

Inventions and Distractions
Clothes Make the Mare
God-Empress Fluttershy
Pinkie Pie Destroys the Universe
Applejack and the Beanstalk
Rainbow Dash's Turn Sucks

Inventions and Distractions

In the basement of Ponyville's library five mares stood in anticipation. Before them was a work table strewn with scientific equipment, both magical and mundane. However, the ponies were more interested in finding out the reason they were gathered here in the first place.

“What do ya'll think it is Twilight wants ta show us?” Applejack, the sturdy farmer of the group, broke the silence.

“Whatever it is must be something special, she's hardly ever so secretive about her inventions.” Answered Rarity, trying to hide her own curiosity behind a veil of aloofness.

“Do you think it'll be as fun as the last thingy she made? Or do you think it'll be one of the explodey ones? Oooh, I'm so excited!” Pinkie Pie said in one breath. Then with wide eyes and an excited gasp she continued, “What if it's a ray-gun that makes ponies smile?! I'd be all like, Pew! Pew! Pew! And they'd be all like, Happy! Happy! Happy! Or maybe it's a way to put 37 times the sugar in a single cake! I tried that once, it didn't work very well, it was still good though. Or maybe...”

The pink pony continued her rant. Fortunately, years of friendship with the chattering mare gave the others the ability to tune her out when she got like this. The friends continued to speculate the nature of Twilight's surprise, when the mare herself walked in. Wearing an excited smile, the unicorn approached the table from the opposite end of the room.

“Good news, everypony!” Twilight exclaimed, “I've invented a device that will allow ponies to manipulate distant objects without the aid of magic!”

This was quite the revelation, nothing like this had ever been accomplished before, it would surely revolutionize pony society. The five mares gazed at their friend with a mixture of excitement and pride. The ponies were practically shaking with anticipation (Pinkie Pie was quite literally vibrating, though that may have just been the sugar).

Satisfied with her pitch, and eager to show her work Twilight said, “I present to you,” she paused for dramatic effect, “The Hoof-Longer!”

From behind the table Twilight rose her right foreleg. Attached to her hoof was a long, rigid stretch of material, ending in an artificial sole.

Twilight's friends stared at her. For a long moment no one spoke. Then, slowly coming out of their shock, the ponies started stomping in applause. Softly at first, but swiftly growing to a roar. Pinkie cheered, Rarity and Fluttershy shed tears of pride, Applejack and Rainbow Dash whooped and high-hooved. This was a day that would go down in pony history, and they were a part of it.

With a blush and a smile Twilight thanked her friends. After the room calmed down (or at least became as calm as any room occupied by Pinkie can be) Twilight continued, “As you can clearly see, I can now operate any device from clear across the room.”

With no small amount of effort Twilight rose the Hoof-Longer, and after a few false starts, flipped a switch activating a machine resting against the far wall. After another round of applause Twilight took a bow, knocking over some very valuable magical equipment with the Hoof-Longer in the process.

“Twilight?” A soft voice asked after a pause.

“Yes Fluttershy? Do you have a question about the Hoof-Longer?” Twilight replied, eager to educated her shy friend.

“Yes, well uh, no. Um, sort of?”

Twilight was used to this type of response from the pegasus, so she answered with a simple, “Ask away.” and smiled.

“Well, I was just wondering what you turned on with it?”

All the ponies in the room turned to look back at the now humming device. Almost forgotten in all the excitement the mares now took the time to observe the strange machine. The thing looked very much like a film projector but without anyplace to attach the reels. The other discrepancy was the phonograph horn protruding from the top. Following the direction of the lens, the machine was indeed pointed at a projector screen. The ponies looked back at Twilight, silently asking for an explanation.

“Oh, that.” Twilight said with a dismissive wave of her (non elongated) hoof. “That's just my 'What If' machine.”

“Beg pardon?” Applejack asked.

“It shows you possible 'what if' scenarios for questions you face it.”

“Oh my, how intriguing!” Rarity exclaimed, her expression glazing over as she was bombarded with all the 'could have's' and 'may be's' of her life. The others were equally impressed. Seeing what their lives might otherwise be like seemed an opportunity too good to pass up.

“You mean you've had a machine that could show my life as a Wonderbolt and you never told me!” Rainbow Dash fumed.

“Calm down Dash, it only shows hypothetical scenarios, and it's not even very accurate. It doesn't even go past 98% of a probability.” Twilight reassured. However, this didn't seem to dissuade her friends.

“Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Can it show what the world would be like if I had a crocodile instead of an alligator? Or if my mane was made of cotton candy? Or if I had finished med-school?” Pinkie was now jumping circles around Twilight, leaving the unicorn dizzy and confused.

“Yes, but...”

“Can it show what would'a happened if Ah planted those pear trees that one year?”

“Yes, but...”

“Could it show me what my life would be like had that sorry excuse of a prince actually been a gentlepony?”

“Yes, but...”

“Show us!” All five of Twilight's friends shouted, tackling her to the floor in their excitement.

“Ugh, fine!” Twilight gave in, “you can each ask it a question, but don't blame me if you're disappointed in the results.”

Five exclamations of glee filled the room, as well as one exacerbated sigh. Twilight had a bad feeling about this, and her bad feelings were usually followed by disaster (granted that the disaster was often times caused by her bad feeling, but that was neither here nor there). With another sigh Twilight turned towards the 'What If' machine and, trying to salvage the real reason they had gathered in the first place, used the Hoof-Longer to set up the device.

“Did Pinkie say she went to medical school?”

Clothes Make the Mare

Rarity sat in front of the 'What If' machine, eyes sparkling in anticipation. There where so many questions, but which one to ask?

“Would you hurry up already?” Rainbow Dash's annoyed voice broke her from her reverie.

“Don't rush me! I have to come up with the perfect question.”

“Oh please, we all know you're gonna ask it something about fashion or-”

“That's it!” Rarity cut her off. Stepping up to the phonograph horn she said, “As a fashion designer whose clientele spend most of their time naked, I have to wonder: What if ponies wore clothing all the time?”

“Lame.” Rainbow said in a stage whisper to Pinkie Pie. Rarity chose to ignore this comment, instead turning to view the flickering projection screen as the machine whirred to life.

====================================

Clothes Make the Mare

It was a lovely spring day, and Rarity was preparing herself to go on a picnic with her friends. Today she decided to wear her newest design: a silken ballgown of sky blue, trimmed with indigo lace. She was quite the sight (as usual), and was sure to receive not only compliments but new customers as well. With one last look in the mirror she picked up the basket containing her share of the picnic goods and left the boutique.

Her friends planned to meet at the fountain in town square before walking to the park together, as usual she was (fashionably) early. The next to show up were Rainbow Dash and Applejack, the one floating above the other. Dash snickered and AJ let out a wolf whistle before saying, “Shoot Rare, Ah didn't know this here picnic was a formal occasion.”

Rarity lifted her head in haughty mock-insult. “A lady doesn't need an excuse to dress her best, something you have never attempted I'm sure.”

The unicorn looked at her farmer friends attire: a pair of well-aged denim jeans and a red flannel shirt. Rainbow Dash's outfit was even less impressive: a pair of sweatpants and a white 'husband beater' shirt. Frankly she looked like she had just gotten out of bed and decided not to change, as Rarity thought about this, it seemed it was likely the case. It wasn't long until the rest of her friends showed up. Pinkie was wearing... pink. It was also frilly, but mostly it was pink. Fluttershy was in a yellow turtleneck sweater that was a size to big for her. She was managing to do a very convincing impression of the sweaters namesake, retreating into the collar whenever a stranger walked by. Twilight wore a plain white button down shirt, neatly tucked into a pair of practical black slacks. The ensemble could be summed up in two words: business casual.

After exchanging greetings and checking to make sure they had everything, they prepared to leave for the park. Before they could get moving though, Twilight turned, “You look beautiful today Rarity, but wouldn't you rather change into something more comfortable? We're only going to the park.”

“Nonsense darling, you know comfort is a priority in each of my designs.” The fashionista answered confidently, moving ahead of the group.

“Are you sure? Were going to be sitting on a picnic blanket, I don't want your gown getting dirty.”

Twilight seemed almost insistent, she was also giving her an odd look. Rarity chose to ignore these peculiarities, simply answering, “Quite sure. If I hadn't wanted to wear this today, I wouldn't have put it on this morning.” And with that they were off.

-(O)-

The picnic was enjoyable, as usual. They ate a simple but delicious lunch, talked about the latest gossip, or just sat and joked as good friends do. It wasn't until a lull in the conversation that Rarity noticed something odd: ponies were staring at her. She was used to attracting attention of course, she was often considered one of (if not the) most beautiful mares in Ponyville. But the attention was different today, it wasn't admiring glances, but stares of bafflement. She even caught her friends taking quick looks at her like she was doing something strange. Finally she couldn't take it any more and confronted the other mares.

“Why are you looking at me like that!” She demanded without warning.

The others were surprised by this outburst, finally Twilight said, “Like what Rarity?”

She tried to sound innocent, but the purple scholar's flattened ears and slight blush gave her away. Rarity turned to the rest of her friends who each wore a guilty expression, except for Fluttershy who was trying to burrow deeper into her mock-turtleshell.

“Why have you all been looking at me like I'm crazy?” She asked again.

After a quick glance at the others Twilight spoke again, “Well, it's because you're wearing that dress.”

“What's wrong with my dress?”

“It's not the dress itself, it's the fact that you're wearing it. I could understand wearing it to the Gala, or other high class events, but we're on a picnic for crying out loud!”

“But this is the type of thing I always wear!” Another round of confused stares. This was to much for Rarity, she got up and started passing back and forth across the blanket. Finally she turned away from her friends and said, “I don't understand why you're acting like this! I'm a designer, I produce only the finest goods, I never dress in anything less than fabulous!”

At that moment a strong gust of wind raced over the field, blowing the ponies manes. It also blew up Rarity's dress. She heard five gasps behind her and when she turned around she saw wide eyes, open mouths, red cheeks, and flared wings. “What?” She questioned.

Rainbow Dash was the first to recover, falling onto her back laughing. Fluttershy quickly ran to Rarity's side, embarrassment for her friend outweighing her own, “Oh Rarity, you poor thing! Don't worry, nopony else was in the park so no one else saw.”

“What in the world are you talking about? And why are Dash and Pinkie laughing?”

“Oh, uh, well, uh... eep,” Fluttershy struggled with the answer, but fortunately Dash finished for her.

“You're not wearing any underwear!” The rainbowed pegasus exclaimed collapsing into another fit of giggles.

“Underwear?” The unicorn said groggily. Suddenly she wasn't feeling to well. No, she felt fine, it was the world that didn't feel right. The mare swayed a little bit and had a lost expression on her face.

“Rainbow, Pinkie, stop that right now!” Twilight Sparkle put on her 'alpha mare' voice, and the offending ponies sat up looking guilty. “Good, now it's obvious to me that Rarity isn't feeling to well right now, she may be sick. I'm gonna walk her home, while the rest of you clean up.”

Without another word the purple unicorn led her friend back to town, steadying her with a shoulder. Applejack turned towards her pink and blue friends with a hard gaze, “Ya'll should know better 'n that, laughin' at a friends misfortune.”

“We're sorry.” the scolded ponies said in unison.

After a few moments of silence Dash raised her head and said with a grin, “It was funny though, wasn't it?”

AJ's scowl turned into a matching grin, “Buck yeah!”

-(O)-

Back at the boutique Rarity felt exhausted. What a strange day it had been. Twilight was still with her, saying something about overworking or some-such. She did hear the word 'relax' and decided to do just that.

“Thank you so much for your help Twilight dear. I think I will try to make myself a bit more comfortable.” That said, she lit up her horn and magicked off her dress, neatly folding it and placing it on a sewing table. Turning back to her friend she found the other mare once again in a state of blush. “Twilight darling, what's the matter?”

Realizing she had been staring, the scholar closed her eyes and turned her head. “Geez Rarity, I know were both mares and all, but don't you think this is a little inappropriate?”

Rarity's only response was a blank stare (Twilight knew this because she peeked).

“You know. Being naked.” The purple pony hinted.

“Oh. Yes. Right, right.” Rarity answered in that strange, far-away voice she'd adopted today.

The designer forgot about her embarrassed friend for the moment, instead taking a look around her boutique for the first time that day. Something seemed strange about it. There were racks and racks of clothing that just didn't seem to belong. T-shirts and skinny jeans, rows of tacky saddles and sweatshirts. They had always been there, but it just felt wrong. And then she saw it. An entire case dedicated to them. Rows upon rows of socks. Bitter hatred turned to helpless nausea as she glared at the evil little hoof covers. This couldn't be, it wasn't right, there shouldn't be socks! The world around her turned dark as she swooned and fainted.

-(O)-

Her head hurt. Her head hurt, and she felt sick, and her dreams had been full of socks. Rarity opened her eyes and found that she was in bed. Someone had put her into her bathrobe, and the covers were pulled up all the way to her neck. She looked around and noticed her friends. She didn't notice the worried looks they held, nor the relief that washed over them when she stirred. She only saw their casual clothing.

“Oh, thank goodness you're awake!”

“Ya had us worried there sugar cube.”

“Sorry for laughing earlier, guess you really are sick.”

“Is it still a no for my underpants party idea?”

“After you passed out I brought you upstairs and put you in bed, then I sent a message for the girls to come straight over.”

“No.” Growled Rarity.

“What was that sugar cube?”

“No more.”

“It's okay Rarity, everything will be fine.”

“NO MORE!” Rarity jumped out of bed and tossed off her robe.

“No more sweatpants!” She grabbed Rainbow Dash in her magic and tore off her clothes.

“No more jeans!” Her blue glow surrounded a struggling Applejack, but the farm pony's work clothes were no match for the unicorn's fashion-magic.

“No more frumpy sweaters!” She lifted up Fluttershy and shook her from her woolen fortress.

“I like where this is going!” Pinkie Pie said, wriggling out of her own clothes.

Lastly, looking at Twilight she screamed, “No more business casual!” Her magic lit the room, and all that could be heard was the sound of shirt buttons hitting the walls.

“And ABSOLUTELY NO MORE SO...”

The door to her bedroom slammed open and standing there was a regal alicorn with dark coat and starry mane. She wore a beautiful gown of midnight blue, and a round silver brooch clasped at her neck. The only thing that was out of place were the pink and green stripped socks on each hoof. Rearing up the Moon Princess said, “Behold Ponyville friends! I hath discovered these most wonderful cloth tubes which fit upon the hoof!”

For the first time since entering, Princess Luna looked at the scene before her. Slowly she returned to all fours, wings stiff at her sides. For a minute she just stared, then cautiously she backed out of the room, closing the door with her magic. Luna did not relax until she was outside of the boutique, only then did she say to herself, “It would appear that all the rumors are true then.” She paused for a moment then mused, “It seems I owe Celly 50 bits.”

====================================

The machine clicked then went quiet. The embarrassment in the room was so intense that even the awkward silence had to get up and leave. The ponies couldn't quite understand their feelings, they saw each other naked every day, it was completely normal. But somehow, seeing their clothes get torn off on the projection screen made their nudity seem, naughty.

Rarity was the first to recover, “Well, that was certainly... interesting.”

“I'll say!” Chimed in Pinkie Pie.

“There are rumors about us?” Whispered Fluttershy.

“So Ah take it yer not gonna start carrying casual wear at yer shop?” Applejack jibed good-naturedly.

“Not on your life darling.” Rarity smiled, calming down after seeing her on-screen meltdown.

“Why are ponies spreading rumors about us?”

“So what's the deal with you and socks anyway?” Dash asked.

Rarity squeezed her eyes shut and shuttered, “I don't want to talk about it.”

“What kind of rumors are they saying?”

God-Empress Fluttershy

“Alright Fluttershy, it's your turn to ask the 'What If' machine a question.” Twilight said, turning to face the yellow pegasus.

“Oh, um, are you sure? I don't mind letting someone else go if they want.” The timid mare replied.

“No Fluttershy, it's your turn, it's only fair that you get to go.” Twilight said, as she shot a glare at Rainbow Dash before she had a chance to take up Fluttershy's offer.

“Well, okay then.” Fluttershy said as she approached the machine. With a look of apprehension she spoke into the phonograph horn atop the mechanism. “Um, hello there.”

“It's just a machine Fluttershy, you don't have to be polite to it.”

“Oh, okay. Uh, well, as a pegasus living on the ground, I've never really fit in. So I was wondering: What if I was the supreme overlord of all the world?”

With a satisfied nod the pony returned to stand beside her friends. Her friends on the other hoof were struggling with a mixture of shock and confusion at the seemingly out of character question. They were snapped out of it though when the 'What If' machine gave off a series of clicks and whirs, and a light projected from the lens.

God-Empress Fluttershy

“Mistress? It is morning, I've come to wake you, as you commanded.”

Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes and turned towards the quavering voice coming from beside the bed. Lying in a prostrate bow was a nondescript blue unicorn. One of the palace's many servants. The pegasus pony threw the sheets from herself and stepped boldly from the bed, her yellow fur unadorned in the morning sunlight. That's right, she slept in the nude, and she didn't care if the whole world knew!

In a gentle but authoritative voice she said, “You may go.” and the blue pony scurried out of the room.

It was time to prepare herself for the day. She looked across her bedchamber, a large room painted in happy greens and blues and studded with animal dens. With a self assured flap of her wings she glided over to vanity. In the mirror she appraised her silky mane, already being brushed by several of her squirrel friends. When they had finished a cardinal and bluejay lifted her crown from the dresser and placed it lovingly upon her head. She admired the crown, as she did every morning, a marvel of craftsmanship: living vines woven into a circlet, their leaves and flowers ever changing to match the seasons outside.

Satisfied with her appearance and regalia Fluttershy made her way to the throne room. Ponies flattened themselves to the floor as she passed by, averting their gaze to avoid the power of her Stare. The only looks she received were from her little animal friends and helpers, they were always happy to see their mistress, and to give her news concerning the ponies under her rule.

The throne room was in a bustling state as usual. Animals went too and fro, going about their business. Flocks of birds flew in to report on any discrepancies among the population. Bears stood watch beside the throne, while manticores guarded the door. Fluttershy sat upon her high seat and prepared for her duties.

The first order of business was a meeting with the captain of the royal guard. He had recently returned from the conquered griffon nation, where his troops had snuffed out a resistance movement. Why couldn't her subjects understand that her way of doing things was for their own good? It made her sad to think that the Speaking Races of the world were so resistant to a change for the better.

She was shaken from her thoughts when the throne room doors opened and a small armored figure approached the dais. She smiled to see her captain return safe. “What news from the guard Captain Angel?”

The white rabbit before her bowed and twitched his whiskers before beginning a complex pantomime with his paws.

“Excellent, were many prisoners taken?”

Another series of gestures followed.

“That will secure our trade routes for sure.”

More waving of forelimbs.

“I'll leave disciplinary measures regarding your troops in your paws.”

Now Angel smiled, he had saved the best news for last.

“Really?” Fluttershy's eyes lit up, and a smile crossed her own face, “Have her sent in, by all means.”

Angel thumped his bronze shod foot on the hard tile of the throne room. In response the doors opened and two pony guards entered, a prisoner between them. The guards uniforms were very much the same as they had been before the coup, bronze armor and crested helm. The only difference was the fealty collars around their necks, worn by all of Fluttershy's subjects. As for the captive, the unicorn's hooves were unshackled, but an iron ring was secured firmly around her horn, preventing the use of magic. The two colts stopped a few feet away from the throne and bowed, the prisoner remained standing.

“Thank you Captain, momma's so proud. You may go.” The rabbit bowed once more and hopped out of the room. All the while Fluttershy's attention remained on the prisoner.

Noticing that their charge was not kneeling one of the guards got up saying, “On your knees filth!” Bringing his forehoof down hard on the prisoners withers. With a grunt the pony fell to the floor, but still held her head aloft, looking directly at Fluttershy.

“It's been a long time, Twilight.”

“Yes it has, Fluttershy.”

“You will refer to her majesty as Empress Gaia!” The guardspony shouted, preparing another blow. Before he had a chance to strike a swarm of badgers and woodchucks tackled him to the floor.

“The two of you will remain silent until ordered otherwise.” Fluttershy did not raise her voice, she didn't need to. Her word was law, and defying it was inconceivable.

Twilight Sparkle rose to her hooves defiantly. Here was the only pony who still dared to openly oppose Fluttershy, the only enemy she respected. The pegasus' eyes drifted over her former friend. The mare was lean and muscular, a life of hardship and warfare had sculpted her into a fit specimen. But Fluttershy could see that the life of a fugitive had taken its toll as well: malnourishment was obvious, her coat was matted and dirty, her hooves dull and chipped.

“You would have been better off staying with me, joining my cause rather than fighting it. You would have been well fed and comfortable.” Came Fluttershy's calm, sympathetic voice.

“I would have been a slave!” Twilight spat.

Fluttershy grimaced at the unicorns ignorant remark, but decided to continue, “You were my friend once Twilight, and I still care about you. I am willing to give you another chance, to forgive the crimes you've committed against me. All you have to do is accept my rule, and swear your loyalty to me.”

“No.” Twilight's reply was simple and straight forward, just as they always were.

With a heavy sight Fluttershy said, “So be it. Take her to the dungeon.”

The guards turned, leading their prisoner away. The animals in the room followed the trio with their eyes. The doors opened, and just as the were about to cross the threshold a soft call came, “Wait.”

The guards turned back, awaiting new orders. “Leave her here and go.”

Looking at each other warily, the armored ponies bowed and left. Questioning orders was unwise.

When the doors were shut Fluttershy said, “You have shown that you do not deserve my kindness, but I refuse to abandon a pony who once meant so much to me.”

“You are insane Fluttershy.” Replied Twilight. Although she seethed with hate and rage, her heart ached at seeing her former friend once more, evident by the look in her eye and the crack in her voice, “What happened to you? What happened to the Fluttershy who wouldn't hurt anypony, who loved Equestria?”

“She was chosen to rule this world.” The yellow mare said simply.

“You'll never win. You may have defeated the princesses once, but they're still out there!” Twilight's words were strong, but a hint of doubt was clear in her voice.

“Silly Twilight. The princesses are no threat to me. You do know where they get their power from don't you?”

Fluttershy knew full well that Twilight understood the celestial princesses better than anypony alive, but waited for a response none the less. When none came she continued:

“The receive their power from the Earth, they are bound to it, are a part of it, and can not leave its circles until the world itself is destroyed. And do you know how I was able to defeat them?”

Again Fluttershy paused, and again Twilight stonewalled.

“It's because the Earth chose me to rule. I am this worlds champion and steward. I became Empress not by my hoof, nor by fate, but by the will of the Earth. But if you won't take my word for it, perhaps you'll believe sompony else.” The pegasus floated down from the throne. “Haven't you wondered why Celestia hasn't bothered to contact her most faithful student?”

By some unseen mechanism the throne and dais swung away from the wall like a door. There in a hidden room stood a pristine white alicorn, her mane flowing and horn sparkling. But her eyes no longer held their measured joy and her head was bowed in sorrow. Celestia was broken. Her hooves were held in place by creeping plants. It was as if she herself was rooted to the ground, a flower of untold loveliness, long spent but unable to wither.

“This is why the Sun and Moon still rise.” Commented Fluttershy.

But Twilight wasn't listening. She ran to her beloved mentor and embraced her, tears running freely. “Princess!”

The reunion was short lived, Twilight was unable to speak to her princess before dozens of tiny paws pulled her away and the door closed once again.

Twilight's nostrils flared and she pawed the ground, the iron ring around her horn glowed red hot, but no magic was able to escape. “You're a monster!” She screamed.

“That's the name ponies use to describe animals they are afraid of. Animals they try to chase away or hunt down. Animals who deserve life just as much as they do. Am I a monster for protecting those who cannot defend themselves? Or are ponies monsters for killing mommies and babies, without even the excuse of using them for food?”

Fluttershy returned to her throne and clopped her hooves together. A side door opened and a unicorn mare entered the room, giving a short bow. She had a flawless white coat and luxurious purple mane. Around her neck was a fealty collar studded with diamonds and woven with gold thread, to anyone who looked at her it was clear she was a favorite of the empress.

Twilight was shocked to see another of her old friends, but that shock turned to anger as she realized Rarity had willingly submitted to Fluttershy's tyranny. Before she could voice her outrage Fluttershy said, “Rarity, take this prisoner. Feed her, wash her, then bring her to the pollination room.”

“Yes mistress.” Rarity's voice had only the slightest trace of fear in it.

--(O)--

“Traitor.” It was the first word out of Twilight's mouth as they left the throne room.

“Pleas darling, it's not like that!”

“You're here, serving that witch!”

“You don't understand! What choice did I have?”

“Resist! Fight back! Anything but this.” Twilight gestured to the ring around her neck.

“There is no resisting! You know that now. At least this way I'm not a slave.”

“No. You're a pet.”

“At least she's kind to her pets!” She sobbed, nearly in hysterics. Twilight realized she may have been too hard on her friend. She was just trying to survive, like all of them. They spent the rest of their time in silence.

Twilight had to admit, it felt good to be clean. And for the first time in months she had a full belly. Rarity had been called off half way during her meal, so now two other pony servants were escorting her to what Fluttershy had called the 'pollination room.'

The double doors opened revealing an indoor garden. Exotic plants grew between trickling fountains. The light of early evening came in from high set windows, all of which were open, combating the humidity of the greenhouse with cool mountain air. What struck Twilight as odd was the lack of any animals, the rest of the castle was crawling with them (often literally), but this room was strangely quiet.

When Twilight reached the center of the room, she came upon another dais and throne. On the high seat was Fluttershy, and surrounding her were five very familiar ponies. Applejack and Rainbow Dash stood behind the chair, neither able to make eye contact with the arriving mare. It was obvious that Dash's primary feathers had only recently grown full again, and a ring of bare skin around AJ's neck reviled where a tight collar once sat. Pinkie Pie bounced in place on one of the upper steps, but her smile seemed forced. Rarity sat leaning on the throne, blushing under Twilight's gaze. But most surprising of all was the dark blue alicorn laying at Fluttershy's hooves. Princess Luna had the decency to look ashamed as the yellow pegasus held the ornamental leash attached to the once-ruler.

“You too Luna?” Said a shocked Twilight, looking at the gem encrusted collar and silver leash.

“I resisted at first,” Replied the embarrassed lunar mare. “but I couldn't help myself. She's just so cute!” She gushed, looking up at her overlord with a smile.

Fluttershy returned the smile then looked at Twilight. “You know, I would be willing to free Celestia as well if somepony were to keep an eye on her.”

Fluttershy wiggled her eyebrows and winked a few times, just to make sure her hint was absolutely understood. Twilight blushed at the implication, wondering who else knew about her schoolfilly crush.

“No, I will never join you.” A determined Twilight said. “You can imprison me, you can torture me, but I will never submit to you!”

“Very well,” Replied Fluttershy, “but before your fate is decided, do you want to know why I call this the Pollination room?”

Twilight stood confused. She glanced at her friends again and noticed little smiles tugging at their lips. Then she realized that their blushes weren't out of shame for being captured, but the slight embarrassment and shyness that accompanies, Oh... Oh!

Twilight cleared her throat, “I will not surrender! ...But I am willing to negotiate a temporary ceasefire.”

The light on the screen flickered and dimmed. The six ponies sat in silence.

“B-b-b, bu- bu-,” Fluttershy's stammering whisper was clearly heard in the quiet basement. “I, I, I...”

It was clear from her expression that the yellow pegasus was distressed by what she just saw. What was unnerving to the others were the stiff wings on her back. Most of Fluttershy didn't like what she saw on screen, but part of her certainly did.

“Well, that was an interesting hypothetical situation that was in no way real, and certainly doesn't illustrate the ponies within it truthfully. Who's next?” Twilight shouted manically, eyes darting back and forth.

======================================================================================

This was a hard chapter to write. The most obvious 'what if' scenario for Fluttershy is "what if I was more assertive?" But since that was already in an episode I had to come up with this. I'm not 100% satisfied by the way it turned out (making Tyrantshy funny was harder than I thought), but it will do.

Pinkie Pie Destroys the Universe

“My turn! My turn! It's my turn now! I get to ask the thingy a thingy!” The ecstatic pink pony was bouncing like a foal (or a Pinkie Pie) on Hearth's Warming Morning.

“Yes Pinkie. Yes, it's your turn. You can ask it a question if you Just. Stop. Bouncing.” Twilight said in an effort to calm her friend down. She almost regretted doing this because Pinkie did indeed stop bouncing. Unfortunately she stopped while still in mid air, something that always bothered the physicist in Twilight.

Pinkie gently floated to the ground, ignorant to her defiance of gravity and its effect on her friend's mental well-being. The mare rushed over to the 'What If' machine and stuck her head completely inside the phonograph horn and said, “Oh my gosh! What should I ask? There are so many what if's and could be's and would be's and should be's and what not's and why for's and whither to's and ooh I just can't decide!”

Rainbow Dash perked up, “Well, if you need more time to think about it I coul-”

“Oh! I know what to ask!” Pinkie cut the pegasus off, who pouted with a huff. Taking a deep breath the party pony asked, “Oh magical mystery movie machine, what if we all lived in a fan fiction?”

The mechanism whirred to life and the flickering light filled the projection screen. Sitting down to view the show the six friends saw an image of the backs of six mares sitting in front of a screen watching an image of six mares watching a screen of etcetera. In fact the etcetera went on forever.

Twilight slowly tuned her head around, relieved to only see the basement wall behind her. Her on screen counterparts also turned their heads and were equally relieved. Tuning back she lifted her hoof in the air, and sure enough the other Twilights did the same.

“Well, this is weird.” The purple mare said. This statement was proven true by the echo effect coming from the machine's speaker. It was as if a million Twilights were speaking simultaneously, the nightmare of anyone who had ever been at the business end of one of her lectures.

“Oh. My. Gosh!” a wide eyed Pinkie exclaimed, “This is the coolest thing ever! And listen, we sound all funny! Echo! Echoo... eCHoo... eeeEChooo...”

Pinkie collapsed in a fit of giggles, while most of her friends were still too dumbfounded to react. She then got up and raced to the back wall of the basement, staring at it with an excited grin. “This is so cool! Woo, wooo, woo, wooo.” As the mare moved her head in and out, the face of the Pinkie on screen bobbed closer and further with each 'woo'. What was most unnerving for the audience though was the fact that the projected Pinkie seemed to be staring directly at them.

“Oh oh! I know! I know!” Inspiration struck Pinkie. She about-faced and lifted her rump, wiggling it at the wall behind her giggling, “Look at my butt! look at my butt!”

And indeed, said butt was on the screen for the world to see. This image left the five seated ponies struggling with embarrassment, and several other emotions they found deeply confusing.

“Ooo, this'll be the best trick!” Pinkie backed away from the wall, and with a bounding leap ran straight for it. Just as Projected Pinkie went as far as she could go, Solid Pinkie tore through the silk screen, landing on her back hooves with a proud “Tad-ah!”

The seated mares screeched and fell backwards. Twilight had had enough of this, clutching her pounding chest she shouted, “Pinkie! What the buck!”

“What? I've always been able to break the fourth wall, but this time I was actually able to break through the fourth wall.”

Twilight was about to yell at her friend some more, when a cold feeling of dread washed over her. She turned around, hoping against hope that there would be nothing there. There was nothing there. Or rather, there was her basement wall, and in it there was a hole that contained nothing, it was filled to the brim with nothing. Twilight gazed into the outer void, the space between space that mortal eyes are not meant to see. Then the Earth shook.

Space inside the library twisted and convulsed, like the death throes of some animal. The ponies screamed as time and space tore themselves apart. Twilight grabbed Pinkie by the shoulders and shook her as she cried, “Pinkie! You didn't break the fourth wall, you broke the BUCKING UNIVERSE!”

“Oopsie.” Pinkie said with an apologetic smile.

With that Twilight was sucked into the void. She was propelled through a tunnel of color and light, her physical body was stripped away, leaving her mind in a world of pure sensation. She became aware of what was around her and realized she had been here before, or someplace like it. It was when she had traveled back in time, the split second between disappearing and reappearing had been like this. But she was not traveling through time, she was traveling outside of time. Outside of time, outside of space.

“My Goddess, it's full of etcetera.”

Then all sensation stopped. Sight returned, and she gazed upon the universe. The entire universe. She focused in on the Earth and saw it as it is, was, and shall be. Time is not linear when viewed from the outside, it merely is, just as space merely is. All at once the planet before her was a ball of molten rock, a lush fertile paradise, a dead planet, a primordial sea, a frozen wasteland. She saw it orbit a strange sun which disappeared for unknown reasons. She saw Celestia's sun form and begin and end its orbit. She saw herself, fetus, foal, filly, mare, she was all of them. She would have seen even more if it wasn't for the damned monolith.

Darkness.

“My turn! My turn! It's my turn now! I get to ask the thingy a thingy!” The ecstatic pink pony was bouncing like a foal (or a Pinkie Pie) on Hearth's Warming Morning.

Applejack and the Beanstalk

“It's your turn to ask a question Applejack.” Twilight said, turning to her friend.

“Much obliged Twi.” The earth pony answered, walking over to the 'What If' machine. She pushed her hat back, and stood a moment in thought. “Ah reckon Ah've got a question. Y'see, aside from the orchard, we use the standard three-field crop rotation method. What we usually do is have one field fer grains, the next fer herbaceous legumes, an' the last is left fallow ta produce hay. Then we switch fields each year. Ah've been considerin' replacin' the forage legumes with the seed bearin' types. So my question is: What if Ah planted beans.”

Rarity scoffed, “Leave it to you Applejack to ask such a mundane question, with a world of possibilities at your hooves.”

Applejack scowled and retorted, “Well, seems ta me that somepony else here asked a question concernin' her business an' livelihood.”

Rarity's eyelids lowered in a measured glare, her lips pursed slightly, “Touché Applejack,” she said slowly, “Touché.”

Their banter was interrupted as the machine came to life, and images danced upon the screen.

Applejack and the Beanstalk

Four earth ponies sat around a kitchen table, worry clear on their faces. The growing season had been bad. Not only was the apple harvest below average, everything from oats to hay had been below quota. This spelled bad news for the Apple family. A mere few years ago it would have spelled bad news for all of Ponyville since the Apples produced about 70% of the local food supply, but the relatively new railway meant crops could be shipped in from all over Equestria, keeping Ponyville's bellies full and the Apple's wallets light.

“Well, there ain't no denyin' it, we're in a pickle of a gherkin,” Granny Smith said, looking at her grandchildren. “Ah don't think there's any way 'round it, we're gonna hav'ta give up Mooriella.”

“Not Mooriella!” Apple Bloom wailed, tear filling her eyes.

“No, Granny Smith is right,” Applejack said, sad but steadfast. “This year's just been too bad an' we can't afford to keep 'er.”

With a loud sob Apple Bloom got up from the table and ran from the room. Applejack looked to her grandmother and brother, in silent agreement they nodded and the orange mare said, “Ah'll take Mooriella inta town this afternoon.”

--(O)--

Applejack entered the barn and approached the stall holding the cow. Opening the gate and tying a loose rope around her neck Applejack said, “Come on Mooriella, we're goin' inta town.”

“Ooh, that's swell Applejack, I've been meanin' ta pick up some groceries don'tyaknow.” The cow responded in a jovial mood.

With rope in mouth AJ led the chattering bovine into the middle of town square. Dropping her lead, Applejack turned to the talking cow. For a long moment she stared at her, then taking a deep labored breath she said her piece, “SHUT UP YOU SWOLLEN-TEAT NINNY! YA'LL HAVEN'T PAID YER RENT IN MONTHS! GIT OUTTA HERE YA NO GOOD, FREE LOADIN', WASTE O' LARD!”

Shocked at this outburst Mooriella nearly choked on her cud. Applejack turned around, and satisfied that she had gotten her point across, decided to visit her friends.

Since she was closest to Sugar Cube Corner AJ decided to stop in to see Pinkie. The hyper mare was tending the counter, and gave one of her impossibly huge grins when she saw her friend enter. Bouncing across her work station she said, “Hey Jacqueline, how's'it goin'?”

That nickname was new, hopefully it wouldn't stick. Shrugging off her friends antics AJ gave a sad smile, “Not so good Pinks, Ah just had ta kick out Mooriella.”

“She still wasn't coming up with the rent?” Pinkie asked with a frown.

“Eeyup. Didn't wanna have ta do it, but just can't afford giving out room an' board fer free, not with the way things have been.”

“I understand Jackie, things have been tough for you this year.” Pinkie said with uncharacteristic seriousness. However, her mood soon snapped back to it's usual sugary demeanor when she remembered something, “Hold on! I have just the thing you need!”

The party pony jumped back behind the counter and popped back up with a box in her mouth. At first AJ thought it held a cake, or some other treat (Pinkie's standard solution to all of life's problems), until she noticed the word 'Experimental' scrolled on the side.

“What's that Pinks?”

“Beans!”

“Beans?” Applejack cocked an eyebrow.

“Magic Beans...” she said in a voice that she probably meant to sound mysterious.

“Magic beans.” The farmer asked skeptically, “Where the hay did ya'll get magic beans? And what exactly makes 'em magic?”

“Twilight!”

“Twilight?”

“Yep! Or at least that's the answer to the first question since I got 'em from her, but I guess it answers the second question too since Twilight's all magic-y, so if anyone's gonna have magic beans it's gonna be the most magical pony in Ponyville!” Pinkie gave another huge grin to her friend.

“But, why would Twi give magic beans ta you? No offense sugar cube, but you don't strike me as the type o' pony who'd put enchanted legumes ta good use.”

“Hmm, I don't know why...” Pinkie wondered as she thought back to earlier that day.

--(O)--

Today was the library's weekly cleaning day. While Spike was upstairs dusting shelves and sorting book, Twilight was below cleaning up her laboratory. She had finally gotten all the blood off the ceiling and was preparing to place the rest of her botched experiments in the HazMat container when a familiar poofy pink party pony alliterated in front of her. Twilight was used to her friends antics by now, so she only jumped a few feet in the air with an 'eep' instead of running from the library screaming bloody murder.

“Pinkie, hey.” Twilight said, barely needing to catch her breath or slow her thundering heart. “Uh, what brings you here today? Not that you aren't always welcome, but it is my scheduled cleaning day.”

“Hi Twilight!” Pinkie bounced for joy at seeing her friend. “I have the morning off so I decided to come help you out!”

“Aww, that's sweet of you Pinkie, but you don't have to spend your time off helping me clean.”

“Of course I don't have to, I want to. It's the least I can do after you helped me with that whole 'cupcakes' incident. If it weren't for you I would have gotten in sooo sooo much trouble! There were red stains everywhere, and that stuff just does NOT come out. If anyone found out they'd never forgive me!” Pinkie had her there; if it wasn't for her cleaning spell that cherry frosting would have left a permanent stain. Twilight still didn't understand why Pinkie decided to make baked goods while wearing Mrs. Cakes wedding dress, but there were a lot of things about Pinkie she didn't understand.

“Well, if you really want to, I'd gladly accept your help.” Twilight said with a sincere smile, “Why don't you start upstairs with Spike?”

Pinkie's cheerful grin turned into an apologetic one, as she guiltily scuffed the ground with her hoof. “Ummm, Spike says I'm not allowed to help him anymore, he told me to come down here.”

Twilight grimaced, wondering what kind of damage had been done upstairs. With a slight sigh she said, “Alright, but you need to be very careful, a lot of this stuff is dangerous and unstable. Carry the HazMat bins over to the stairs after I seal them. Do NOT touch a bin unless it's been sealed.”

Pinkie nodded enthusiastically and followed her instructions diligently. Twilight sealed up all the boxes and then the two carried them outside where they would be picked up by the Canterlot Special Waist Disposal Unit. There were no mishaps until Pinkie noticed an open bin with a cardboard box inside.

“Hey Twilight, what are these?” Pinkie asked motioning towards the box.

“Oops, I missed that one. Oh, those are just experimental thaumically infused legume seeds. Unfortunately they're too unstable to have any practical use.”

Pinkie's eyes widened in excitement, “You men they're Magic Beans?”

Twilight cringed at the lay term, but decided to just nod in affirmation. The unicorn was about to close the bin when a baby dragon ran out of the library, a scroll in hand. Unfortunately he didn't stop running until he collided into the open waste bin, spilling hazardous material all over the street, and likely ruining the property value of the entire neighborhood.

“Spike! What have you done?!” Twilight screamed.

“Letter. Princess. Important.” Spike gasped out while catching his breath.

“Oh no, oh no.” Twilight was going into panic mode, which to be fair, isn't that different than her normal mode. “Pinkie! I need you to take care of all this stuff.”

Igniting her horn she placed the box of beans on the pink mares back and scooped most of the other waste back into its container. “Just, uh, wash your hooves real well afterwords and you'll be fine. Probably.”

That said the purple scholar ran into the library, dragging her assistant behind her.

“Okie Dokie Loki!” Pinkie said as the door slammed.

Pinkie did as she was asked, and then trotted back to her home and workplace. She didn't even notice she still had the box of magic beans on her back until she saw it in the bathroom mirror. Why had Twilight given it to her again? She remembered talking about it, then Spike ran out and made a mess, then she saw a squirrel in a tree, and tree rhymes with bee, and bees make honey, Ooh she liked honey! Especially drizzled over biscuits, drizzle is a funny word! Uh-oh Twilight is talking to her again, something about washing hooves, oh well she'd better get this stuff off the street. Oh right, the beans, Twilight must have given then to her as a thank-you present! That made sense! Twilight's always so nice, like that one time...

--(O)--

Applejack stared at her pink friend. The mare had been standing there, completely still and staring off into space for the past five minutes. When waving her hoof in front of the other pony's face did nothing, AJ gave her a generous poke. That did the trick, Pinkie's attention snapped back to her guest and said, “I don't know why she gave me the beans, but she probably figured that I'd be able to find a pony who could put them to good use, and I did! So here ya go AJ, plant them beans!”

Pinkie tossed the box to her friend, who caught it in her own mouth. This whole situation had left her confused, but she decided to not look a gift horse in the mouth (an expression that also left her confused). “Well, uh, thanks Pinkie, this it real swell o' ya.”

“Think nothing of it.” Pinkie said, waiving a dismissive hoof, “It's what I'm here for.”

Thanking her friend again, Applejack left and headed back to the farm. She had some planting to do.

--(O)--

In the west field of Sweet Apple Acres there was a bare patch of ground. It was here that Applejack decided to plant her new beans. With practiced ease she laid perfect rows of seed, emptying the box in no time. Watering-can in mouth, she wet the ground and hoped.

The earth trembled. An earthquake? That's never happened 'round here. The ground shook again, harder this time. Well that was a little scarey, but at least it's over. The earth below her heaved and groaned, green tendrils shot from the ground and writhed like angry snakes. It was as though all the beasts of Tartarus were trying to break free from the underwold, right below her hooves. Then the green vines coiled into a single column, and rocketed into the air, carrying Applejack along with them. Crudcrudcrudcrudcrud!

Applejack awoke with a start. She slowly remembered what happened, the beanstalk lifting her high into the air at break-neck speed, she must have passed out from the g-force (or whatever Rainbow Dash called it). She took stock of her situation, but something didn't add up. Instead of clear blue sky and the ground below her, she was in a large white room. Looking around she saw piles of boxes and shipping containers, the only light in the room was coming from window slits high on the walls. This definitely looked like some kind of warehouse, but what was it doing a mile in the air? Of course, Applejack thought to herself, Cloudsdale drifted over Ponyville this month.

Without thinking, Applejack jumped from her perch on the beanstalk, only remembering she was on a cloud when it was too late. Her life would have flashed before her eyes, but it didn't have the chance. Instead of plummeting to her death, Applejack found herself standing on the pliable but solid floor of the warehouse. Applejack wasn't sure how she was standing on cloud. Maybe the magic beans had some effect on her, or maybe Twilight's cloud-walking spell had never worn off, or maybe the ponies had enchanted the warehouse floor so they wouldn't have to enchant all the incoming crates. Applejack didn't care what the reason was, as long as she wasn't falling to earth.

Deciding it would be a good idea to find out where she was, Applejack had a look around. She was surprised to see that most of the crates contained produce from all across Equestria. What was most interesting though, were the names printed on the side of each box: Clover Fields, Haymaker, The Banana Republic, even Quaking Oats. And above each of these names was the same logo, a stylized pegasus floating above a field of wheat. Now, none of this may mean anything to the average pony, but to a business conscious farmer it was shocking. None of these farms had anything to do with each other, in fact the Cloverfield and Haymaker families had been feuding for as long as they had been farming. There's no way they'd go into business together. What's more, Quaking Oats farm went bankrupt last year, they shouldn't even be here. Something fishy was going on.

Looking for more oddities Applejack entered a side office. There on the table were the deeds to each farm represented by the cargo outside. On the wall was a weather schedule, Ponyville's weather schedule. And then she noticed something off, this schedule was different than the official copy she had received. It was hard to notice, but changes had been made, and they were all directed towards Sweet Apple Acres. The differences were subtle, but together they could spell the difference between a good growing season and a bad one. A misting when there should have been a drizzle, a few extra clouds shading the farm. Her bad year wasn't bad luck, somepony was trying to push her out of business!

Stuffing the weather map and other paperwork into her hat, AJ made her way back to the beanstalk, she needed to tell somepony quick. As she started to climb down she noticed something else out of place. In the corner, sitting on a box sipping a soda, was a mint green unicorn with a gold harp as a cutiemark. They stared at each other for a moment, she looked familiar, a face around Ponyville? That's it, Lyra or something. As Applejack gathered her thoughts the unicorn nodded and said, “'S'up.”

“Uh... Howdy.” AJ was at a loss for words, “What're you doin' up here exactly?”

“You're friends with that hot chick Twilight right?” Lyra asked but didn't wait for a response. “Well she did this cloud-walky spell on me so I could come up here and visit my cousin. But when her boyfriend found out I was from Ponyville he got all freaked out, and he and his buddies dragged me here, asking all kinds of weird questions.”

Applejack nodded, ponynapping too? This was even bigger than she thought. “Ya'll 'd better come with me, we gotta tell somepony about all this.”

Lyra was getting up when the mares heard the sound of a door opening behind them. In walked five stallions. Four of them were muscular brown colts, far larger and sturdier built than your average pegasus pony (or any type of pony for that matter), they each had a look of surprise at the new guest which quickly turned into a scowl. The fifth was smaller than the rest, but in Applejack's mind, more intimidating. He was an older stallion with a gray pelt, he was well built and wore expensive looking gold jewelry. What struck Applejack though was the calculating expression he wore, sizing her up as if she was a tree ready to be bucked.

“Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum.” The older stallion said, referencing the ponies behind him. “I smell a rat.”

“Ain't no rats in Cloudsdale Mr. Thunderdell,” said a confused Fum (though it may have been Fee, Fi, or Fo). “`Sides, don't you think we should worry 'bout that pony first?”

Thunderdell put a gold-shod hoof to his face, “Just take care of her ya numb-skulls.”

The four henchponies approached Applejack smiling wickedly. AJ stood her ground, wearing a smirk of her own. “Shee-oot, you boy's ought'a lay off them steroids, those things'll shrink yer wings, 'mong other things.”

The henchponies stopped, bewildered. Victims were supposed to cower and beg for mercy, not make fun of them. As one they started forward again, only for Applejack to make an exaggerated show of looking at their backs and underneath them. Letting off a small whistle she said, “Then again, Ah guess ya can't wither what was stunted in the first place.

They stopped again, the steroid crack was one thing, but that was just mean. Fi wanted to make this pony stop talking a quickly as possible, he charged forward.

Now, the thing to remember about pegasus ponies is that they are natural fliers. Even though most of their actual flight is done magically, they still need to be light weight to get off the ground. Light weight means mass shaved away wherever it can be afforded. Low mass means hollow bones. Hollow bones mean... CRACK! Means Fi won't be getting off the floor for a while.

With a wide grin, Applejack lowered herself from her bucking position. “All right you varmints, who's next?”

Fee, Fo, and Fum pounced, AJ was ready for them. Thunderdell edged towards the office, carrying a lamp full of oil and a box of matches. Time to destroy some evidence and receive an insurance check. Fum was on the ground, Fee and Fo were in poor shape. Applejack on the other hoof, was doing fine apart from a few bruises (cheap shots that hurt her ego more than her flesh), she could do this all day.

AJ was always prepared for a scuffle, what she wasn't prepared for was the smoke billowing into the warehouse. Blinded by the acrid haze, Applejack took a hoof to the muzzle. After taking a few more kicks she climbed to her hooves again, ready for round two.

“EVERYPONY FREEZ!” Fee and Fo were enveloped in a purple glow, and indeed frozen in two blocks of ice. A magical wind blew through the room, clearing the smoke and extinguishing the fire. A net flashed into existence above Thunderdell and wrapped him up. And there, standing in the doorway, stood Twilight Sparkle wearing a full guard uniform. Flanking her was a Royal Guard unit, rushing in to apprehend the five stallions and secure what evidence could be found.

“Twilight? What're you doin' here?” Applejack asked.

“I should be asking you that question, but I'll go first: For the past several months I've been working with Princess Celestia and the Royal Guard to take down the Cloudsdale organized-crime syndicate.”

Applejack's slacked jaw and bulging eyes encouraged Twilight to continue. “Under the guise of several different companies and organizations, Blunderbuss Thunderdell and his associates have been buying up every small family farm across Equestria. Their goal was to create an agricultural monopoly, they'd control the entire food industry, charging anything they wanted with no competition.”

“Lies! Lies!” Thunderdell had been removed from the net and was now in shackles, “I swear you'll all be hearing from my lawyers! When they're through with you there won't be two bits between the lot of you!”

“Your lawyers are already in custody and testifying against you.” Twilight responded to the threat.

Thunderdell blanched at this information, but went on, “You have no proof I've done anything wrong!”

“I have two witnesses.” She said pointing at AJ and Lyra.

“Their word against mine! That won't hold up in court.”

“That one's wearing a wire.” Twilight said, this time gestured to Lyra.

“She is!?”

“I am!?” The unicorn shouted, just as surprised.

“Hehe, sorry about that,” Twilight apologized, laying her ears back and blushing. “I planted it on you when I cast the cloud-walking spell. We knew your cousin's coltfriend was a member of the syndicate, so I attached a magical listening device on your fur in the hopes that he'd let something slip. None of us expected that they'd bring you here. I didn't tell you because I thought that knowing might put you in danger.”

“Um, okay then. I guess it's okay since it was to catch bad guys.” Lyra said slowly, “But can you get the think off me now, wherever it is?”

“Sure thing, just hold still.” Twilight's horn lit up, and a sympathetic light touched the cutiemark on Lyra's left flank.

Lyra blushed but had a wide grin on her face, “Whoa there girl! Not that I mind the attention, but I'm spoken for right now...”

Twilight's magic concentrated on a single string of the harp. Lyra continued in a flirting voice, “But if you interested, the three of us might be able to work something ou- OUCH!”

With a sound like peeling tape, Twilight pulled a slender wire strand from Lyra's cutiemark. It had been hidden perfectly, overlaying one of the harp-strings. Lyra rubbed her flank as the purple unicorn lifted it to a waiting guard with an open evidence bag.

“That's still not enough! You don't have anything solid!” Thunderdell screamed, though he was visibly panicked by now.

“Oh Ah don't know 'bout that.” Applejack lifted her hat, revealing the tampered weather schedule and other paperwork she'd found suspicious.

“AJ you're amazing!” Twilight beamed at her friend.

“Well, Ah might not go that far.” She said, her ears flattened as she blushed from the praise, “It's jus' that nopony messes wi' the Apple family. But why didn't ya tell me 'bout this, it concerned me after all.”

“We didn't actually know that you were the next target, I had my suspicions, but no proof. Besides, this was a very delicate mission, the fewer ponies the better.”

Thunderdell was beaten, with head hung low the guards took him and his henchponies away. As Twilight watched them go she asked, “Now it's your turn, what are you even doing up here?”

“Oh, I planted them magic beans ya'll gave Pinkie Pie. Dang vines shot straight up here, takin' me along with 'em.”

Twilight's heart stopped. Pinkie took the beans? AJ planted the beans? This was bad. “I think we should go back to Ponyville, I have a feeling they might need us.”

The screen faded back to white, the six mare's mulled over what they had just seen.

“Well,” Applejack started slowly, “That was a pretty good yarn, but not exactly what Ah had in mind.”

“I for one found it utterly ridiculous.” Said an affronted Rarity, “As if Twilight would concern herself with something as foalish as 'magic beans', really.”

“Uh, yeah... Ridiculous....” Agreed Twilight, as she gingerly pushed a box labeled 'Experimental' into a HazMat bin.

“Ah guess it wasn't all bad, at least Ah know not ta plant anything Pinkie gives me.”

Rainbow Dash's Turn Sucks

“Okay Dash, it's your turn.”

“Finally!” Rainbow shouted, hovering a few feet in the air she crossed her forelimbs over her chest and gave an angry pout. After making sure everypony knew her displeasure at going last she flew over to the 'What If' machine.

“The only trouble is thinking of the right question to ask.” She rubbed her chin in thought. “I mean, asking about joining the Wonderbolts would be a waste of a question, I already know how that'll play out: At the next open tryouts I'll blow the competition away, once they find out I'm coming most of the other hopefuls won't even bother showing up. They'll give me a contract on the spot, and at our first show, Equestria will see the Wonderbolts like they never have before. I'll make captain before you know it and...”

“I think we're getting a little off track.” Twilight broke the pegasus out of her fantasy.

“Oh, yeah. Well I already have control of my life, and I'm leading it to the only place I want it to go.” Dash said confidently, “So... I'll see what life would be like if one of you guys was different!”

With an evil grin Rainbow Dash rested her gaze on each of the other mares in turn. None of her friends were eager to see what Dash might have in store for them. Finally her eyes turned to Pinkie Pie, and her eyebrow quirked up at what she saw. The pink pony had somehow managed to get a potted plat stuck in her tail (a situation made even more confusing since she hadn't remembered there being any plants in the room), and was now running in circles trying to bite at the unwelcome passenger.

“Okay, I have my question,” She turned to the machine and said, “What if Pinkie Pie were normal?”

The girls giggled at the question, especially Pinkie Pie, “Ooo, that's a good one Dashie! I wish I thought of that one, but it's okay that I didn't because I get to see it now!”

Smiling the ponies once again turned to the screen, eager to see what would happen.

It was a bright, beautiful morning in Ponyville, which was generally the case in the small town, or at least it was on the days Rainbow Dash didn't oversleep. This was one of those days and the sky blue pegasus decided to pick up a snack after her morning shift.

Dash walked into Sugar Cube Corner, and there tending the counter was her friend Pinkie Pie. The earth pony smiled at her and said, “Hi Rainbow Dash, what can I get for you today?”

“Hey Pinks, you got any of those raspberry tarts you had last week?”

“Sure do, baked 'em fresh this morning.” Pinkie walked over to the display case and slid the door back, reaching in she grabbed the desired treat. “That'll be two bits please.”

“Thanks Pinkie, here you go.” Dash placed her money on the counter as Pinkie slid the pastry across to her friend.

“Thanks Dash. Have a nice day.” She said with a friendly smile.

As she walked out the door Rainbow Dash turned and said, “You too Pinkie, see ya later.”

The image on the screen faded, and the clicking of the mechanism beside them stopped. For a few moments the ponies just stared at the screen expecting something more. Then, shooting into the air, Rainbow Dash yelled, “That's it? That sucked!”

Rarity tutted at Dash's crass language, but silently agreed that what they just saw did indeed suck. What had seemed like a funny idea at the time had turned out to be exactly what Rainbow had asked for: Pinkie acting normal. The thing the group had forgotten, the very important thing to remember about normal ponies was, normal ponies are boring.

Once again Dash was fuming. Wondering to herself how many times a pony can fume in one day before if became a health risk, Twilight looked up at her friend and said, “Well, technically that was very informative.”

“Yeah, it informed me that I wasted my turn!” Dash retorted.

With a sigh (and wondering if there were any detrimental effects of excessive sighing) Twilight said, “I suppose since that one was so short you can have another turn.”

With a gleeful expression Dash scooped the unicorn up in an agonizing bear hug saying, “Thanks Twi, you rock.” Before unceremoniously dropping her and rushing to the machine.

“Okay machine, we're gonna do this again, and you'd better show me something awesome if you know what's good for you.” Rainbow Dash glared at the offending pile of metal and magic.

“Again, it's not sentient, it won't respond to threats.” Twilight said.

“I know it's not a centipede. Shut up.” Dash said with an embarrassed frown.

Now was the time to come up with a really good question, something that would totally knock the other pony's socks off (if Rarity actually allowed anyone to wear socks in her presence that is). Racking her brain she knew what to ask, something that was sure to demonstrate her awesomeness.

“What if I never did a Sonic Rainboom?”

Frozen Rainbooms

It was dark. It was the darkness of a moonless winter night. It was the darkness that haunts foals nightmares and makes the bravest pony's hair stand on end. It was the darkness of a world utterly dead.

Ponyville stood under a sheet of ice. Like a model town under glass. And just like a model town, there was no life here. Little seemed different at first glance, despite being frozen in time. Some of the homes and shops were in disrepair, but it was mostly cosmetic damage, the actual structures seemed as sturdy as ever.

But as one would look deeper, they could see other differences. There were no new buildings. Over the past few years there had been a boom of construction in the real Ponyville, largely thanks to the new train station which was built shortly after Twilight's arrival. None of that was here. No train station, no new buildings, nothing had been added since the time before Twilight had moved to the real Ponyville. Well, almost nothing.

The image panned out. There at the edge of town, where the modest cemetery had once been, was a massive graveyard. The field seemed to stretch on forever, but that was not the worst of it. The oldest graves were familiar to any resident of Ponyville, pristine markers, professionally crafted and lovingly placed. The newer graves were different. At first it seemed that ponies were trying to keep with tradition, rough stone or wood markers, a few words carved or painted on them. Past these were plane stone or other debris laid carelessly, their only function to mark what earth was used up. After these it appeared this Hellish winter began in earnest, pony sized barrows of stone or brick showed the ground was too hard to dig. Then the lower mounds came into view, a few of them were wrapped in a simple sheet, but dead ponies don't need to stay warm. The tragic field spread away from Ponyville, the further it was, the more horrible the grave. That is, until one noticed the pile. It was just outside of town, in clear view and close, a monument to the final surrender to hopelessness.

A view of all Equestria showed the same thing. There was no life here. Trees were gray and leafless, only standing because they were frozen in place. Fields barren and under a deep frost. Rivers and lakes frozen to the bottom. Then one would look up and see it. The Moon dominated the sky, and it was black. It was no longer the lantern of the night, no new moon promising nights of growing brightness, it's light was gone forever.

Canterlot still stood, though damage was clearly visible. The palace bore the worst of it, gaping holes and signs of fire, the magical fallout could still be felt in the air. Evidence of the last war of Equestria, the last war of Earth. But Equestria was conquered, and it's new queen sat on the golden throne. There sat Nightmare Moon, frozen and unmoving, like the rest of her kingdom. Looking closer one could see, or hope that they saw, a single tear of ice, resting on her cheek.

The basement of Ponyville library was quiet. Six mares sat staring at a blank screen, tears streaming from their eyes. Looks of horror and despair remained on their features. The spell was broken by the sound of Pinkie sobbing, Fluttershy seized up and fainted, while Rarity swooned and fainted in a much more ladylike fashion. Applejack and Rainbow Dash sat shuddering, despite the warm summer air coming through the small open windows. Twilight Sparkle felt sick, but thanks to her Hoof-Longer, was able to grab a bucket before she threw up.

“That wasn't funny at all!” Shouted a now furious Pinkie Pie. “The other ones were funny, but that was just sad! I mean, Fluttershy's was kinda creepy, but it was kinda sexy too, so that made it okay. And Rarity's had her go clothes-crazy which was fun. AJ's had that cool fight scene. And I don't remember my turn very well, I think it involved me destroying the universe, but you can bet your booty I did it in a funny way! But that! That was just depressing! Well I don't know about you guys, but I'm taking my plant and going home!”

With a final 'hmph,' Pinkie headed for the stairs and walked out of the basement. The four other non-residents soon followed her, leaving Twilight alone in her lab.

After a moment the purple unicorn looked at her hooves, then shouted after her friends, “Wait! Do any of you want to pre-order a Hoof-Longer?”

“Buck Yeah!” Came five voices in reply.

Is it the end? PROBABLY!

Will there be a sequel? MAYBE!

Does the author have more brilliant ideas in mind? UNLIKELY!

Thanks for reading everyone. I hope you enjoyed it!