An average day in Equestria.

by Lichlord18

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Spike, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 2444

Just an average day for crackquestria's Twilight and gang... Yeah...

*Warning* Crack fic. I literally thought of this as I was passing out from exhaustion. Seriously, don't
read if you don't like random shit including bananas, necromancy and gratuitous amounts of smut. All characters are of appropriate age and such.
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Just an average day for Twilight Sparkle and Co.
No, really!
There is nothing odd happening here!
(Heavy sarcasm)

Published 2016-11-22 00:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-22 00:40:01 UTC

The only chapter. What? Did you expect more of this?

Twilight woke up like any other morning, buried up to her waist in books. She placed the books back on their shelves, had a lovely breakfast and trotted down to her dark warlo- Umm I mean, her laboratory! Ah, fuck it. She walked down to her dark warlockin chamber of necromancy and friendshipTM.

Today was the day! Finally she would kill and/or fuck her mentor, in that order, as all good sith should! And she had the perfect plan! First she would-

Twilight's evil plotting was interrupted by a rattling groan followed by the sound of flopping, stumbling steps as Spike the zombie dragon waddled/dragged himself into the room. He had died several weeks ago as the result of one of Twilight's spells going awry, as they were bound to do as she was practicing spells that she had never used before on a living being. Twilight, being unable and unwilling to let her little baby dragon brother go, had raised him as her servant in undeath.

"Twiiiliiight." Spike moaned, "Pleeassee, releeaasse!" He begged, meaning that he was asking her to release his spirit, freeing him from his torment. Unfortunately for him Twilight misunderstood his request, as she had ever since she had raised him.

"Oh, fine Spike... Your insatiable you know!" she said as she used her magic to twist and increase the vibration of the dildo lodged firmly in his anus. The only reason said dildo even fit inside of him was because of a spacial warping spell that Twilight had cast on him, as it was four times his size.

Spike groaned, though not in pleasure, and came multiple large globs of glowing green goo which were eerily reminiscent of the plague goo used by the undead in WoW, giving many readers a new suspicion of where the Scourge got such massive amounts of the stuff.

"Today is the day, Spike! I'm finally going to make the Princess my new undead sex slave!" Twilight said, raising a hoof at the declaration.

"WHAT!?!" Came a scream from seemingly nowhere. A few moments later Pinkie Pie leaped from the inside of a jar of tongues. Said tongues were gathered by Fluttershy after the resent infestation of tongue leeches. She had taken the tongues from the animals so as to not hurt the leeches, whispering "Nature is so fascinating!" the whole time.

Pinkie Pie ran toward Twilight at such speed that she blurred as she moved and stopped on a dime, causing some amount of brain damage but no more was normal, and took hold of her cheeks, pulling her so close that they were snout to snout before saying in a slightly panicked, but only slightly more than normal, voice "But I thought that you said you were going to strangle me while railing my ass with a strap on and make me your undead sex slave tonight!" She then gave Twilight a pair of puppy dog eyes. They were brown, and still moist.

"Aww! I'm so sorry Pinkie! I completely forgot about that! Umm... Could you maybe wait until tomorrow? This is kind of important to me..." Twilight said to Pinkie, wrapping a hoof around her withers.

Pinkie puffed up her cheeks and pouted for a few minutes until she finally relented after several bouts of tickling, the light use of a BDSM whip and a gratuitous amount of candle wax, and said "Okaaay. But tomorrow for sure!"

"Tomorrow for sure! Hey, why don't we gather up the girls for this! It could be a good outing for all of us, we haven't really seen much of each other since Applejack made Rarity her cumslut breeding cow." Twilight suggested, making Pinkie brighten up at the prospect of seeing her friends and Spike growl quietly at the thought of what had become of his Rarity.

"Yay! Then I can throw a 'We overthrew the monarchy-that-pretends-to-be-a-diarchy' party!" Pinkie yelled out in excitement.

The group set out to gather their friends, killing several rabid animals and hiding the bodies so as not to upset Fluttershy while moving through the town. The nearby butcher was all to happy to help in this regard.

They found Rainbow Dash first taking speed on a cloud, several needles were plainly visible in her left foreleg and she was obviously drugged out of her mind. Luckily, or unluckily depending on your views, she had such a tolerance to it from years of abuse that it was all but impossible for her to overdose.

"Rainbow! Get your crusty blue cunt down here! We're going to kill and then fuck the Princess!" Twilight shouted up at Rainbow, who was hovering over the middle of town.

"What! Does she know? Is she okay with it? How do you know my cunt is crusty?" She said as she fell to the ground, only using her wings to keep her from going splat, as they were weakened by her near skeletal frame.

"Well, because I told her, silly! Remember, that time you sat on my face for a whole day? It was really crusty an icky... you should get that looked at..." Pinkie said, her usual exuberant self at first but quickly becoming serious at the end.

"Can't. Need the money for speed." Rainbow replied with a small twitch at the thought of going without her drug of choice.

"Whatever! Let's get moving!"Twilight, who had been getting more and more aggravated as time went on, yelled and promptly teleported to Sweet Apple Acre's barn, where they found Rarity, Fluttershy, Big Mac and Applejack. Rarity was tied to a beam which had turned into an impromptu rape rack while Big Mac railed her marshmallow ponut, which was rather sloppy as they had been at it for several hours. Fluttershy was using Rarity's face while having her face pressed into Applejack's ponut, effectively making a Fluttershy sandwich.

"Hey girls! Could you stop the orgy for a minute? There's something I want you all to be present for!" Twilight asked them, causing Big Mac to speed up to finish one last time before his favorite breeding slut was taken away for the rest of the day, and subsequently causing Rarity to begin sobbing again while still trapped in Fluttershy's pussy.

"Well sure thing, Twilight! Just let Big Mac finish in this appleslut one more time, and we'll be ready to go!" Said Applejack as she released Fluttershy, allowing her both to breath and separate from Rari- appleslut, whose sobs only got louder, increasing the speed of Big Mac's thrusting.

Once he had finished Big Mac left, most likely to find either Cheerilee or Granny Smith to take his lusts out on. Granny Smith had needed several hip replacements solely because of this reason. Applejack fastened a collar around appleslut's neck before letting her off the rape rack, said collar was magic and kept her from running away or disobeying.

Twilight cast a teleport spell sending all of them back to town as soon as appleslut was properly restrained. They all got on the chariot that Twilight had sent for earlier in the morning, two strapping young stallions standing in front of the cart, their overly large dicks shown on display for all to see as their sheaths had been removed.

On the way, after take off, Rainbow, who had been moving roboticly until this point in time, asked Twilight "Are you really going to kill the Princess? I mean, everypony pretty much loves her... you'd be public enemy number one! I thought you loved her!"

Twilight rolled her eyes and said "Oh, shut up druggy! Nopony gives a shit about your opinion, so just focus on what your good at and get back to eating me out!" kicking back to emphasize her point, accidentally knocking Spike, who had been standing slightly behind and to the right of appleslut, drooling at the sight of her inflamed and raw pussy, off of the chariot.

"Oops... Spike! Meet us at the castle!" Twilight yelled down at the baby zombie dragon, who groaned in response.

The chariot touched down at the castle as was expected, it was around four in the afternoon at this point and the sun was on it's way down to make way for the night. The solar guards were getting ready to switch with their lunar counterparts, some happy to head home to a loving family and others headed to a local bar hoping to make what the others had.

Pinkie Pie, suddenly excited by the presence of other ponies, rushed up to one giving him a big ol' bear hug, snapping his spine in several places and forcing him head to do a full 360 degree turn, killing him instantly. Pinkie, either unknowing or uncaring though most likely the latter, simply pronged away from the new corpse.

Applejack asked everypony to "hold up for a second" and nudged appleslut, nodding at the corpse with a meaningful look. The girls all waited patiently as Applejack forced appleslut to drain the dead guard's nuts, sobbing the whole time but unable to refuse because of the magic collar fastened around her neck.

Once appleslut was done Fluttershy walked up to the body as well. She extended one of her wings and gave it a little shake, causing a few of the maggots on other decomposers that were living in her wing to fall onto new meat for them.

Fluttershy didn't mind providing a home for the little ones... at least not since she had made a deal with the brain parasite that was lodged in her skull, which she had gotten shortly after getting her cutey mark. It didn't hurt too much, actually a little less then when she had to spit up those eggs from the brain parasite. Twilight had found out that if you crush them before they hatch it made a nutrient rich past that could replace most ponies diets, Fluttershy had almost strangled Twilight when she had learned of what she had done to find that out.

Once she was done the girls went to the throne room, blasting the door off of it's hinges as was customary when overthrowing one's mentor, and rushing inside to confront the princess.

"Oh my, already? I hope you are well prepared my most beloved student, you know what will happen if you fail..." said the princess from her throne as she waited to see what her student had thought up.

"I know your one weakness! Once I noticed it, it seemed so obvious! Your... allergic to bananas!" Twilight said as she dumped around twelve pounds of bananas onto the princesses head. "Most ponies are allergic to bananas, and it's because of you! You've been slowly genetically/socially engineering ponies to be allergic so you can remove them from the land! It would save you from revealing your weakness to anypony!"

Celestia just smiled at Twilight with an evil smile, and said "Close, but no cigar! I'm not allergic to bananas, I love to eat/forcibly shove them into my anus, and have been making ponies allergic to them so as to keep them all to myself! You fail Twilight, now assume the position like a good little bitch!"

Twilight had a look of horror at the words 'You fail', which quickly turned to depression and quietly walked to just in front of Celestia, who was licking her lips, and leaned over raising her plot.

Celestia spread her thighs, reveling a horse cock that was slightly longer than a pony was and as thick as a hoof. With one smooth, practiced move, she shoved the whole thing into Twilight's ass, running her through and effectively turning her into a cock sock. She would stay this way for the next three days, much to Pinkie's displeasure.

After looking at the others who were in the throne room, Celestia decided to reward/punish the rest of them. She started by grabbing Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, moving them to sit on their faces, Pinkie being forced snout first into her ass hole and Rainbow the same but for her pussy. She then, after getting comfortable, moved Fluttershy to eat out Twilight while she was still impaled on her massive cock and, using magic, redirected the pleasure that Twilight would have felt to her.

She would greatly reward Applejack, as her family had been instrumental in her plan to lower the birth rates of males by poisoning the food they sold which had almost reached completion, forcing all of the mares in the land to come to her for children. As such she cast a spell aimed at her crotch, which formed a horse cock and balls that surpassed her brothers, she then grabbed appleslut and forced her mouth over the head of her own cock while positioning Applejack behind and above her. Appleslut's tears only increased as she realized that her torment would double, as would the amount of children she would be forced to give birth to. That, and the fact that she was choking on princess dick.

And then they fucked. Quite vigorously and for several hours nonstop.

Spike, who had caused the beginning of the Zombie Apocalypse by attacking and then violating several ponies in canterlot, which had a high enough population density to become ground zero, entered the room as Twilight had ordered him to after his fall from the chariot.

"Twiiiliiight... Realeeese... pleeeaaassseee!!!" he groaned at Twilight, who rolled her eyes, fully aware of what Spike wanted but denying him out of spite as she blamed him for ruining her childhood and essentially forcing her into motherhood at five, simply used magic and twisted the dildo still lodged firmly in his ass.

As he came Rarity thought to herself "Oh Spike, darling! If only I had known that cradle robbing was my fetish before you had died! I don't get off to anything that these dirt ponies force me to do... But now if I tried it would just turn me into an undead, and there's NO WAY I will ever do that!" as she lost consciousness from having Applejack's cock down her throat for too long, as Applejack had fallen asleep and she hadn't told her she could stop to breath.

Little did she know that around a week later Twilight would convince Applejack, who would be undead at the time, to infect her appleslut, raising her into undeath to be yet another undead slut for then princess Twilight.

The end.

Author's Note

I'm so sorry, it was knocking around in my head and it wouldn't go away until I wrote it.

:fluttershbad: Be genital daddy!