Taking Forced Dimensional Transport Too Seriously

by Bowser Jrs Descendant

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Science Fiction, Self Insert, Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, Sex, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 3907

So...I somehow wind up in Equestria. How? I have no clue! As far as I know, I have no reason to be here, as I don't even watch it!

I've been told I spend too much time on the computer, be it reading fanfics or watching Youtube. I can understand that. Though I had been watching a lot of reviews for My Little Pony lately. Naturally, after seeing many others' good view of the show, I decided to try and watch it for myself.

Dumbest idea ever.

Somehow, before the first episode can load up, I find myself waking up in a dark forest that really has no place in a supposed kids' show with the first villain of the series standing over me. Oh yeah, I know I'm screwed here. And you know what the real kicker is?

I'm pretty much living every brony and pegasister's dream and I don't even like the show as much as they do!

This story was the result of a lost bet where the loser had to write a self insert for the MLP-verse, and it wasn't allowed to suck. Updates may be rare on the story itself, but they will happen as this story is being written alongside another story on Fanfiction.net. There will be cliche's and original ideas galore, so brace yourselves for what will most likely be a bittersweet story.

THIS STORY IS ON HOLD UNTIL I CAN FIGURE OUT HOW I WANT IT TO CONTINUE!

Published 2016-12-30 02:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-30 02:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1: Moon of Avenged Sevenfold

Princess Celestia sat in her room as the moon shone through her window, reading a leather bound book. Her mane and tail were a rainbow of pastel colors and flowed in a nonexistent wind. Behind her long horn, sat a slightly smaller gold tiara, complete with a purple diamond in the center. Her face, while normally the site of a serene, almost motherly smile, was set in a worried frown.

She saw the signs of Nightmare Moon's return. Nobody could deny that. But there was something not sitting right with her. She knew her student would eventually send a letter asking for help in stopping Nightmare Moon. She already had a plan for that. And she knew in her heart that the Elements of Harmony would be reignited by her spark. But there was one piece she didn't understand. Something in her notes from Starswirl the Bearded never made sense to her.

"The full potential of the Elements of Harmony is unknown. But conflict always arises, no matter the era. When one who knows the true power of harmony and peace comes, the greatest power in Equestria can be harnessed for good. Few can possess it, but only one can harness it to its full potential.”

        That was all he wrote on the subject. At first, she thought he was talking about another Alicorn, but after Cadence was crowned, her theory proved to be false. She thought it was a new element, but that was inconclusive, as it didn’t make itself known before or when she had sealed her sister into the moon. The only hint she was given was given was a picture of a white gem depicting something inside it, but it wasn't clear enough to make out. She didn't know who or what this "one who knows true harmony and peace" would be, but she knew it would be needed sooner than she'd like.

        Her purple eyes continued to study the book from her mentor, trying to find something to help her figure out this mystery. She sighed before closing the book and setting it to the side, rubbing her eyes. Walking out to her balcony, she stared at the moon she had raised only a few hours before. I don’t want to be your enemy, my sister, she thought.But I don’t know how else to get through to you. I need to find the seventh element.

        A knock on the door brought her from her thoughts. “Your Highness?” the male guard called. “Are you still awake?”

“Yes I am,” she answered, walking back into the room. “You may come in.”

A white stallion in gold bordered, purple armor walked into the room. His helmet had a mohawk of hair in varying shades of blue and his chest piece had an emblem in the center of a shield with a six pointed star spread out to the border. Enveloped in the pinkish-purple glow of his magic was a roll of parchment with a black seal ribbon. “You have a letter from Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” the stallion said.

        This got her attention, as her niece has rarely sent a letter to her this late in the night. “Thank you, Shining Armor,” she replied, taking the letter in her own magic and unrolling it.

“Dear Princess Celestia,

My apologies for sending this so late, but I have an idea as to how this mysterious seventh element you’re researching works. For the last few months I’ve been having what I now believe to be visions of some kind, all centering around a creature. In my visions, I noticed that it was different from others of its kind; more caring of others than most of its people. I think this creature will be the key to unlocking the element. I don’t know why, but this connection feels similar to when I first got my cutie mark.

I await your quick response.

Yours truly,

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza

Celestia knew then her niece was serious, as she only used formal titles in serious situations. She thought about this theory before looking back at the book, specifically the picture of the seventh element. As if reaching an epiphany, she quickly clear the books off her desk and levitated a quill and parchment in front of herself to write her reply.

        When she finished, she sealed it with the same black ribbon that the previous letter was sent in and gave the letter to her guard captain. “Deliver this to her quickly. You are dismissed.” Shining Armor saluted and made a quick exit. Celestia looked back out the window to her sister’s current prison.

Whoever you are, Celestia thought grimly, I feel your help will be will be our only chance to save Equestria from destruction.

"Oooh, another Luna episode. So is this gonna introduce something that will make me liker her more?"

One Episode Viewing Later...

"Nope!"

        "Oh great, what did they do this time?" I asked the computer screen. I had long heard of the newest generation of “My Little Pony” but never really had the motivation to watch it. But after watching one of my favorite youtubers do a review on some of the episodes, I got curious.

        So, I guess I better introduce myself. My name is Jimmy. My brown hair was cut short in a buzz cut and my beard, while also short and clean cut, showed two vertical ginger stripes on the outer edges. I'm 21 years old, meaning, for those not in America, I'm allowed to drink and not get arrested for it. If someone were to ask me what I’m like, I’d just quote my grandfather, saying, “I’m a gentleman and a scholar, and there are damn few of us left.”

Crappy jokes aside, I'm a guy that likes to keep the peace. I always try to underside both sides of a situation before trying to solve it as quickly and easily as possible. And coming from me, that more than most people can say for themselves.

“..and the ending...Oh man does that carry some unfortunate implications if you take it too seriously." The end of the video brought me out of my musings. I watched the end credits before closing the Youtube tab and hitting the play button on my Pandora. Once again, Firebrand had made me wonder about actually watching the show. I mean, I lived alone and it's not like anyone would walk in on me. Heck, even if I publicly announced I became a brony after watching the whole series for myself, I doubt many people would really care.

        But at the same time, there was my own problems with the show, main one being it's a kids' show and I have no need to watch a stupid kids' show, let alone one meant for little girls. There's also the fact that some of the problems in the show weren't handled very well, even for kids' shows standards.

        Three songs and fifteen minutes of surfing various fanfiction sites of nothing worth reading later, I made my decision. Screw it, I'll watch the show, I thought.

 After finding a website that hosted Seasons 1-5, I found the first episode of the first season and clicked play.

        Or at least I would have...if my phone hadn't decided to ring. I swiped my phone's touch screen to answer it. I didn't recognize the number though.

        "Hello?" I greeted.

"Hello," the voice at the other end replied. It somehow sounded familiar. "I'm calling about a survey for the next convention that will be coming to Washington soon. It will only take about ten minutes of your time, are you willing to participate?"

        I thought about it for a minute, before answering. "Sure, what the heck. I have some time to kill."

        "Excellent, now have you been to any kind of conventions before, and if so, what was it?"

        "I went to Sakura-Con back in March, which was an anime convention. I also went to Aki-Con last month, also an anime convention."

        "And what did you think of those events?"

        "They were pretty fun, super expensive though." I didn't mention that I had a limit of $40 at the time of both conventions.

        "That's how most conventions are, sir," the attendant laughed. I swear, I knew where I had heard it, but just couldn't place the name or face to the voice. "Now, have you been to other conventions since then?"

        "My friend once dragged me to a Brony convention...I think it was called Everfree Northwest or something. I didn't like it as much, considering I wasn't interested in the franchise it celebrates very much." Then again, living in a small town in the middle-of-nowhere part of Washington leaves a lot to be desired too. Oh wait, I already live there.

        "What do you think the staff could do to interest people outside of the brony community into watching the show for themselves?"

        "I understand what the show's target audience is supposed to be, and I feel it's fine as it is. The only thing you can let people do is decide what they think of it for themselves. After being presented all the evidence, it's all up to the interpretation of the viewer. To put it simply, the best thing you can do to attract people from outside of the brony community is let them see how good the show is for themselves. Only then can they form their opinions of the show."

        There was a pause on the other end for a moment before the person spoke up again. "That's an interesting way to put it. Are you a brony yourself, then?" I think I heard him smirk...must have been my imagination.

        "No, I was just about to turn on the show for myself to see what I think of it myself. As of right now, I'd only been watching reviews of the episodes by a guy known to many bronies as Commander Firebrand."

        "Ah I see. I've heard of him. Well, I'm pleased to inform you that for taking this survey, and answering one of our questions precisely as we're looking for, you have received a special reward from us, and a free VIP pass to the next convention of your choice, including free airfare and room and board. Which convention would you like your free pass to?"

        I was about to answer, then really thought about it. If I just pick a random convention, I will most likely screw myself over. I then went over my various options before deciding on a classic. "I think I'll take the free pass to Sakura-Con."

        "Alright then. Your free pass with free airfare and free room and board will be mailed to you. What is your mailing address?" I gave him my address. "Okay, and your special reward will be coming to you sometime in the next few minutes. Thank you for participating in our survey this evening."

        "Thank you for listening to my ramblings. Have yourself a good night."

        "You too, sir. Goodbye, and good luck."

        "Bye." I hung up my phone and put it back in my pocket. I then processed what he said and facepalmed. Now I remember where I know his voice. That sounded like Discord. That just begs the question. What was the good luck for? I eventually shrugged it off for later.

        Turning back to my computer, I saw the episode was still loading up, but it looked like something was preventing it from going further. I frowned and reloaded the page. Same result. I tried again.

        And again.

        And again.

Why isn't it loading properly? The internet isn't that bad if I can manage to play TF2 and Splatoon at normal speeds without problems. Plus, I've used this site before with other shows.

        That was when a popup appeared with some kind of slender dragon-thing pointing to the words, “Want to go to Equestria? Click Here!” I groaned at the ad, trying to close it, but I couldn’t click any other buttons; my mouse was locked into the ad. I couldn’t even use Ctrl+Alt+Delete to open the task manager. Left with little choice, I clicked the Okay button. I can always debug it later. Then the screen went black. What's going on?

My poor computer started sparking at this point, causing me to back away out of fear. The screen had blacked out before text started typing itself in a blue and purple font.

USE YOUR TIME HERE WISELY, BOY.

What the he- I barely got a chance to think as some kind of blue mist began pouring out of my computer tower and, as if it had a mind of its own, made its way into my nose, having the same effect as getting a good whiff of chloroform. The last thing I heard was a female voice as I lost consciousness.

        "You are the perfect candidate for me."

        I awoke slowly to the rustling wind in the trees. I didn't know what happened, but from what I could gather, someone kidnapped me and pretty much left me for dead in the middle of a spooky forest. Thankfully, it was dark enough that when I opened my eyes, it didn't blind me. Though, I'll admit something felt a little off. Like there were many things in this forest that could kill me without batting an eye. I slowly sat up and looked around, trying to get my bearings. The trees were covered in various vines and hanging moss, giving them claw like appendages for branches.

Yeesh, I thought, the only thing missing from this scenario is having to hunt down eight pages while avoiding the Slenderman.

        While not completely true, I wasn't totally wrong. Though the thing throwing me off most was how...cartoonish everything looked. Nevermind how dark it was. I slowly got up to a sitting position and looked around before trying to stand up. A small headrush forced me to lean against a nearby tree for support. When I could finally see again, I looked around some more, trying to get my bearings.

Okay, what the hell happened? Who kidnapped me and dumped me in a forest? For that matter, what drug is this that makes everything look like it was animated by Flash? I figured I wasn’t going to get answers by just standing around, and I started walking in a random direction.

I didn’t know how long I was walking for, but nearly jumped for joy when I could see a path leading out of the forest. That joy was short lived, however, when the sound of metal or glass landing on the ground behind me caught my attention. The chilling female voice made me rigid.

        "Well, well, well, what have we here?" I jumped in surprise, landing on my butt when the lady spoke. Slowly, I turned my body to a crawling position as I turned around, only to be met with two pairs of long, black legs ending in armored hooves. I followed the legs up to a blue chest piece with a crescent moon in the center. Further up, the black horse-like figure's head was covered by a blue helmet with holes for her ears and...long, sharp, twisted horn. Her mane and tail seemed to be made of the night sky itself, being completely blue with sparkling, white dots spread out in constellations. To complete the intimidating look, her large black wings were spread out impressively and her light blue eyes had a slit pupil accompanied by purple eye shadow.

        One thought went through my head as I slowly stood to my full height, just barely above her with her horn. A thought which I vocalized as I turned around and walked in a random direction. "NOPE, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, ALL OF THE NOPE!!"

        This couldn't be happening. There is no possible way for me to have found a way into a forest with freaking Nightmare Moon, of all things, taking any kind of interest in me.

        "And where do you think you're going, ape?" AND SHE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

        I wound up falling on my ass (again) in surprise making a...less than manly squeak. Shut up, it's not that funny!

        In my fear driven state, my reply was slightly shaky, as my brain to mouth filter had shut off. "Okay, first off, I'm not an ape. If you're gonna insult someone, at least have the decency to know their species. Second, I'm trying to get away from the bad acid trip of knowing that I'm talking to a fictional villain that honestly belongs in the kids' show I know it from."

        The corrupted princess just chuckled a belly laugh. "It seems you have snark, little boy. I assure you, I'm very real. You have no idea who you are in the presence of, do you?" My fear ebbed away as I took out my phone and pulled up the notes app. The black mare didn't notice as she continued. "I am the one that will bring eternal night to Equestria, the Mare of the Moon, the Princess of the Night. I am Nightmare Moon!"

        I put a couple fingers to my chin in thought. "Do I check one of them or two for that bit?" I shrugged and checked two boxes. Her laugh made me check a third box as an afterthought. "So I've just come to a realization, Nightmare Moon."

        "And what is that? That you are powerless to stop me?"

        "No. It's that you're what people in my home consider an unoriginal villain." That seemed to throw her off.

        "W-What?"

        "Yeah, you've filled all of the cliches that make one."

        "And just what are these 'cliches', boy?" she spat with rising anger.

        "Boasting, Monologing, and an Evil Laugh." I decided to leave out the last requirement of yelling an elongated 'no' as they're defeated, but I remembered that she did it when she got beat by the Mane 6. "Congratulations, you are an Unoriginal Vil-GAH!" I was interrupted by a blast to the chest, knocking me into a nearby tree. "Jeez, learn to take a joke, lady," I wheezed. I looked down at where I was blasted, only for there to be a smoking hole in my shirt and a small burn on my chest.

        "How DARE you disrespect royalty like myself!" she yelled angrily. For a minute, I thought I saw a tint of purple across her face. "Even before I was banished, ponies gave proper respect to me and my sister! Why should I not punish you for your insolence?"

        I grunted as I tried to stand back up. "Because unlike most people, my respect has to be earned. I don't just give it to those who demand it, regardless of position or bloodline."

        Nightmare Moon growled, "If you wish to continue living, then I suggest you treat your betters with the respect they deserve." Her tone sent chills down my spine, and I knew she would kill me.

        Despite my shaky tone, I continued digging myself an even deeper grave. "Ever heard of the phrase, 'treat others how you wish to be treated'? Then you'll know that in order to get respect, you have to give it."

        Her horn glowed intimidatingly as she rose to the air via her wings. In response, I settled into a loose fighting stance. I might be rusty in Taekwondo, but I remember enough to do some damage if I have to. A bolt of magic shot my way as I dove into a tuck and roll to dodge. She then started firing a barrage of magical bolts. I tried to dodge as many as I could, but she had hit me in the stomach and MAN DO THOSE ATTACKS BURN! The shirt I was wearing had been reduced to a pile of burned rags still clinging to my toned, yet bony, body. And I'm pretty sure I might have a couple of second degree burns. She kept up her assault of burning bolts of magic, though, and soon I began to pick up a pattern in her rate of fire. I weaved through most of them, though the ones I was hit by were grazes. They still burned like hell. I eventually got close enough to land an uppercut to her chin, thanks to a nicely timed jump catching her off guard.

Unfortunately, she learned from that mistake, using her greater mobility to her advantage. Then she did something unexpected. Landing on the ground, she charged at me like a bull with her horn pointed down. Oh crap, she’s gonna skewer me! I jumped out of the way and just ran in a random direction. I didn’t know where I was going. Nor did I care, as long as I was away from her.

This chase through the forest lasted for all of two minutes with me getting cornered. She laughed again as she made her way toward me. “Any last words, ape?” she spat venomously.

Thinking quick, I did what, in hindsight, was probably my dumbest decision ever. “Just four,” I replied as she charged magic in her horn again. “Boot to the head.”

She narrowed her eyes in confusion, only to widen them in surprise as my shoe-clad foot made impact with her chin, knocking her back a few steps and dispelling the magical charge.

        She shook her head and spat out a wad of of blood and spit. She stared at me in a moment in surprise, then grinned. "Perhaps I have some use for you after all...boy." I didn't like the way she said that. "I'm surprised you were able to land a hit on me at all."

        "That's because you underestimated me, Moony. Though I will admit, your magic attacks burn like Tartarus."

        "I will offer you a proposal."

        I frowned at this. "What kind of proposal?"

        "What is it you want most in this world? I can give it to you."

She cannot be serious right now. "What's the catch?"

        "Serve as my guard and adviser. And in return, I will grant your desire, whatever it may be."

        I frowned in thought. If she knows how to get me home, then I could probably get her to send me home. But that's only if she follows through on her word, which in her current state wouldn't be very probable. "So if I asked you to, you would help me find a way home? If, and ONLY if, I choose to act as an adviser and guard to you?"

        "Indeed. What do you say, boy? Will you serve me? Help me rule Equestria?"

        I smirked. "My response to your question...is no." The look on her face was priceless. "Sorry, but your end of the deal would be impossible in your current state. So my answer is no."

        "How do you know I wouldn't be able to do it?"

        “Because I don’t even know how I got here or if this is even the same as my plane of existence. Unless you can work through dimensions." She cocked her head in confusion while her eyes narrowed. "I thought so."

        Her posture went rigid. "Though your words confuse me, if that truly is your answer, then you leave me no choice." She charged up her horn again and fired. I didn't have the time or energy to dodge. I was blasted into unconsciousness.

Chapter 2: Friendship is Blood Loss

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