Guilt

by Saberking2012

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad
Length: 989

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-11-19 20:15:14 UTC

Can I Forgive Myself?

I closed my eyes as I walked through Ponyville aimlessly. I didn't need to see it; I had been through this place too many times to not remember it. As I continued my night walk, I felt myself becoming worse rather than better. How could I not? It was my fault this whole thing happened in the first place.

It had only been a few hours since Twilight had been admitted into the hospital. And with every hour that passed, I felt one more ounce of guilt fall on my shoulders. It had been my fault she had been hurt by my careless actions. My reasonable side told me that there was no way I could have been blamed for this. But, my heart overwhelmed it and reminded me every passing minute that this was my fault.

A few hours ago, I had been cleaning the shelf and a few books where on the stand. I had accidently knocked them down while cleaning and at the time, I hadn't realized Twilight was below me. By the time I had noticed, it was to late. The books had hit her on the head and she feel unconscious as a result. I had rushed down and tried to wake her up, hoping that it wasn't to serious. She wasn't waking up, so I rushed her to the hospital, begging for the nurses to help her asap. Once I had done that, I had to wait outside while she was being treated. After about a few more hours, I was able to go into the room to see her. She was drowsy and didn't look like she would stay awake for long. I had apologized to her but she simply smiled, telling me that it wasn't my fault. After she had said that, she fainted; she had suffered severe injury on her head. The injury that I had caused. The accident I had carelessly caused. I opened my eyes and noticed that I had walked myself back to the house. I was actually right in front of my home. I couldn't help but look down at my feet.

If only I had been able to catch those books earlier. If only I had been able to use magic. I had always been the more levelheaded then Twilight sometimes. I should have been more careful. I should have been the one that got hurt. It was my fault that she's in a hospital room, having to be by herself. It was my fault that I was unable to stop what happened. All of it was my fault.

"Spike? What are you doing up so late?" a small voice asked, breaking my internal thoughts.

I jumped at the sound of my best friend/crush.

"Rarity! Don't startle me like that!"

"Sorry, Spike," she apologized with a small smile, "So, what are you doing up so late?"

"Couldn't sleep, so I was just walking around," I said.

The truth is I hadn't actually slept at all since the incident and my guilt was keeping me awake.

"What are you up to? It's three in the morning."

"Oh…um…" Her cheeks went red, "I…um….justwalkingaround."

" Just Walkaling what?"

She sighed as she repeated herself,

"Just walking around. I know that it's late but I was just bored so I thought by walking around, I would be killing time."

"At three in the morning?"

She nodded and I couldn't help but give a short laugh. I knew that she could be bored at times, but I never really considered her going out this late. Of course, I'm not one to talk.

"Speaking of, is Twilight okay? We got worried when she didn't show up at Canterlot," she asked.

I tensed up as I remembered her lying at the hospital bed, completely separated from the rest of the world.

"She's just a little off."

"Off like sick?"

"No, it's just that..."

"Oh…,"

Whatever she was about to say seemed to be forgotten about.

"So…how are you?"

"What?"

"Well, your out here by yourself so I just thought…"

I sighed. How could I tell her that I'm the reason why she was sent to the hospital? How could I tell her about the guilt I felt about the whole incident?

"I guess I'm not doing too great. I keep on thinking there was some way I could have stopped it. Some way that Twilight couldn't have been…"

In a split second, I soon found myself being hugged.

"I'm sorry."

I felt my words catch in my throat as I accepted her gesture.

"I'm sorry that Twilight's in the hospital. But there's nothing you can do about it. Just be happy that it's not to serious."

"Rarity…how'd you…"

"I know that you would do anything to make sure that your friends never got hurt. But sometimes, things happen. Rather directly or indirectly, it's not your fault, Spike. You can't change the past. Sometimes, things just happen and no matter how much we want to change it…we can't. I…I just don't want you to beat yourself up over it. What's done is done," she said as she let go of me.

She flashed a warm smile at me.

"Rarity…thanks," I said.

"What else are friends for? So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Maybe…it depends if she's alright or not."

"Okay, well hopefully I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Spike."

As she left, I couldn't help but wonder if she was somehow telepathic. How in Equestria had she guessed what I was thinking? I shrugged and walked inside the house; perhaps she just knew me that well. What I did know was that she was right. I couldn't change the past. It made no sense beating myself down for a mistake already done. I still feel bad but thanks to her, I feel better then I did earlier. As I closed the door behind me, the guilt started to fade away.