THE FEAST OF HARVEST HOME, a Grumpy Goat <tail>by De WriterChaptersWhat Is Wrong At Sweet Apple Acres?Sweet Apple Acres Saved?Feast of Harvest HomeThe Judgement of the CourtWhat Is Wrong At Sweet Apple Acres?Author's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr What Is Wrong At Sweet Apple Acres? When I saw who it was toiling up the path to my cave, I took the trouble to cast a glamor of my original handsome self on my invisible spirit body. It made me appear to be the nice piebald white, black and brown goat that I used to be before the bit of an accident that killed me. I am far more careful with Non-Equine magic now! I waited to greet Applejack’s arrival. I did keep the everburning candle between my horns. It is handy as a reading light inside my cave, where it can get really dark, especially when the solid iron and steel door is shut. I was delighted by Applejack’s double take when she saw me. “Darn! Fer a second there, Ah thought Ah was in the wrong place! Then Ah noticed the candle! So how come Ah don’t rate the floatin’ skull an all that there stuff?” I replied with honesty, “I was trying to make you feel more comfortable. The whole skull bit and all that goes with it is easily arranged if you want it. It is not often that one of the Mane Six shows up here at my cave. This is the first time, in fact. “Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, even Duchess Red Hoof, yes. Mane Six, nope. "If you would be so good as to enter my cave, we can talk privately.” I bowed her into my cave and sealed the heavy iron and steel door behind us. Thanks to the everburning candle between my horns, we could still see a little. I waved a hoof. Other candles in sconces all about the chamber lit up, making the place far better lit and homey. Turning to my guest a smile on my glamored face, I asked, “So, Applejack, what can I do for you?” She pulled a long face. “We got a problem down to Sweet Apple Acres. The apples looks right for this time of year but something is off. Shouldn’t make you tummy sick, this far along, but they do. Ah got some of them right here.” She laid out about a dozen nice looking but still just a bit green apples. She sighed, “The hundred gold bits that you charge is gonna be a problem too. Ah got it along but we really needs it now, just before the harvest.” I sat in my easy chair and steepled my hooves. “Before we just jump headlong into a contract that might not be set up right to actually solve your problem, it would be a good idea sort out what the problem actually is. What do YOU think it might be?” AJ’s brow wrinkled under her forelock. “Ah don’t rightly know, mister Goat. None of us does. We been farming Sweet Apple Acres since Granny was young and Ponyville was only a settlement. None of us ever seen a problem like this ‘un. “We uses only the best organic farming methods.” I nodded, my candle making some of the room’s shadows dance, and suggested, “Then we may assume that it is neither the farming or the apples, that is at the root of the problem. Tell me, has any pony tried to BUY or obtain Sweet Apple Acres recently?” AJ turned a troubled look at the innocent looking apples on my kitchen counter. “What would that have to do with the problem of our apples not being right?” Dry voiced, I pointed out, “Everything. You are stretched thin right now. If your crop fails, you could be forced to sell at a ruinous price.” I held up a hoof to forestall her outrage and went on, “If that is the case, it is easily proved. “The form of the non equine magic that I use requires that I be paid for the spells that I do. They simply won’t work if I am not paid. “A question which does bear on this problem. Do you supply Caramel Treat’s restaurant with apples or apple products?” AJ snickered, “Of course! They are picky customers but only because they wants the best. Not only do they get it, they pays us the highest prices for our apples, too. Always a pleasure to deal with them.” I nodded briskly. “Good! I happen to be on a regular monthly retainer with them over certain security issues! That means that I am already paid for these tests! It is a matter of the safety of their customers.” Since nearly all of my Non-Equine magic totally lacks flash and impressive stuff, I tend to follow a different book when using it. The Manual of Misdirection, Slight of Hoof and Showmanship! Makes for MUCH happier customers! I got a large sheet of paper and then brought out a small kit. Using fun little rituals, I opened the kit. Taking a charcoal stick, I drew a nice pentacle around one of the apples. It had many little signs and sigils all around it between points and and in the rings surrounding it. Each line or rune had its own bit of ritual. I set small candles around the Pentacle. Using a small wand of carved bone from the kit, I touched each candle in turn. They all flared to light. Then I sat back and waited. “What happens now, Mr. Goat?” AJ wanted to know. I pointed with the small wand. “Watch. It is already happening.” The apple was starting to glow an unhealthy red. I clapped my hooves together. All the candles went out at once! There was a small flash of light rushing about the pentacle! All of the pentacle and sigils were burned away, leaving the paper intact. The apple still glowed that same unhealthy red. I pulled down a biggish book from one of my many shelves. While I was leafing through the pages and double checking against the glowing apple, AJ shook her head in puzzlement. “What’s that showing you, Mister Goat? Ah don’t understand.” I replied absently, as I located the entry that I was looking for, “Your crop has been poisoned, AJ.” Sweet Apple Acres Saved?Author's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr Sweet Apple Acres Saved? I held out the book, Equestrian Toxicology Diagnostic and Treatment Manual. “It was really quite clever of them. See for yourself. It is a pesticide for bud worm. It should be applied to the blooms. It is a water soluble white/gray powder.” AJ stamped a hoof in anger as she read the entry. “We don’t do nothin’ like this! We runs an ORGANIC farm! What can we do now? Even if there is some way to clean the apples, they won’t count as organic.” I batted my big goat eyelashes at her and suggested, “Thank you, AJ! I accept your invitation to the Harvest Home Feast! These apples that you brought me look like the orchards might benefit from about another inch of rain. I am sure that Cloudsdale will cooperate on delivering that!” AJ’s eyed narrowed. “You asking me to lie about this?” I smiled, “Not at all! AFTER the rain, you hire me to check the crop because of a threat to it. I will bet that the pony who wants to buy Sweet Apple Acres made a veiled threat, right?” Mutely, AJ nodded. I filled in, “I will publicly run this same test! The crop will show safe. If anypony asks you about the crop being organic, refer them to me and I will certify it pesticide free.” AJ mulled that over for some time. “Ah don’t like it but I see where it would be true, too. “Got a different question fer you, Mister Goat. What can we do about the apple worm that tried to do this to my family?” I grinned, “That just happens to be what I do for a living, even if the term living technically does not apply to me!” AJ smiled at my feeble jest but persisted, “So Ah hear. How kin we nail his tail to a tree” I pointed out, “We make a carefully drawn contract. That is the base of the particular sort of magic that I do.” I positioned several cushions for AJ’s comfort and sat in my easy chair. I reached over and pulled a copy of one of my blank contracts out of a file. I explained, “Now, AJ, this top page is the same for all of my contracts. The only things that ever change are the amounts and who they get paid to. The terms for a refund if necessary, that sort of thing.” I wrote briefly and showed her the page. She observed astutely, “You have left the amount blank.” “Right, AJ. I am trying to decide whether that dozen apples is enough payment. Now, let’s get down to the hard part. I won’t ask you to sign anything that is not complete.” AJ stared at the apples on my counter and then to me. “I thought that you charged at least a hundred golden bits. Why would you take a dozen poisoned apples?” I replied offhandedly, “The poison will wash off. I have to be paid. How much is up to me. I charge a lot most of the time because the ones buying my work are trying to harm or influence some other pony. While I do approve of that, I see no reason not make it hurt for the one buying my services too. I really don’t much like most ponies.” “Ah see. How shall we handle this best?” “Tell me, AJ, would you getting to keep Sweet Apple Acres and see Sir Snobbin Realty get their tails nailed to the tree bother you?” “Ah do believe that you have just said the best thing Ah have heard in a long time.” I sat and began to fill in the results page, the heart of any of my contracts, actually. AJ sat and tried to sort out what I had in mind. Finally, I handed her the whole contract. We went over it together in detail before she signed it. We took the time to clean the apples and bake up two pies and a batch of fritters before we left together to register the contract. The elderly mare Molly was behind the counter in the Hall of Records. Pretending that she is young and beautiful is our little game. “Hello, Mol, my lovely! Look who I have for a client this time!” She nearly dropped her spectacles at the sight of AJ! “Who are YOU having hexed, AJ?” AJ sort of scratched the carpet with a hoof and replied, “Ah is more concerned that Sweet Apple Acres stays in our family. Rather'n hex some pony, their tricks gone backfire on 'em, that’s all.” I paid Mol the twenty bits registration fee. She made her ledger notes and filed the contract. The next morning, I was sitting out on the ledge in front of my cave along with the Litch King, Lord of the Dead, known to his few friends as Clarence. The sun shining through the neatly polished bones of his skeletal body made neat patters on the stone of the ledge. We were sharing clover top scramble and apple fritters on the side while waiting for Coalsmoke, a lovely pure black mare with a cutie mark like the one on the abdomen of a Black Widow Spider. We were planning a leisurely morning reading the latest Daring Do book. We saw Coalsmoke rounding a bend in the trail. Just behind her were AJ, Big Mac and little Applebloom. They looked pretty upset. Feast of Harvest HomeAuthor's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr Feast of Harvest Home The clerk gave the placard and a map to the constable. Taking them, the constable set out, Sir Snobbin and us following him. Suddenly Sir Snobbin took the constable’s shoulder and pointed as he demanded, “Where are you going, Sir? Sweet Apple Acres is that way!” The constable gave him a level stare and demanded, “Unhoof me, Sir! I am well aware of the location of Sweet Apple Acres! That is not the property described in the Eminent Domain Seizure nor on the map given me by the clerk. I am going to finalize the seizure in those documents.” We really did not have far to walk before the constable verified an address and affixed the Notice. Sir Snobbin was fit to be tied! “Sir! You cannot do this! This is MY ESTATE! How can anyone be so stupid?” The constable quietly showed that he was far less stupid than Sir Snobbin thought. “Part of my job, Sir, is to verify that the final notice matches the documents provided by the court. I noticed that the document was prepared and submitted for service by YOUR realty company. That means that YOU made the error, if there was one!” Hearing the little altercation from a modest distance, I suggested to the Apples and Coalsmoke, “Let’s leave before he sees us!” While we were trotting away, AJ showed what being an Element of Harmony is all about. She inquired, “Your friend, up there at your cave, the Litch King, is he called? Don’t get many invites, does he? Does he always look like that? An Alicorn skeleton, I mean?” Coalsmoke filled in, “Clarence? That really is him. He is even better at glamors than Grumpy. He can look like whatever he wants. Why would you ask?” Soberly, AJ replied, “'Cause if he don’t go taking anypony during the Harvest Home Feast, I’d like to invite him, too. Seems like a good sort.” Coalsmoke nodded, “He is, if you don’t go trying to piss him off. I may add, he loved your apple pie and fritters, too.” I pointed off to the other side of Ponyville. “Look! It is raining! Appears to be right over your apple orchards, AJ!” She smiled. “It is. Best rain deal Ah made with Cloudsdale in a while. All that they wants is five bushels of fresh apples, come harvest! Ah invited them to the Harvest Home Feast too.” We parted company. They went back to the farm that was still theirs. Coalsmoke and I went back up to my cave. There was enough daylight remaining to get in a couple of chapters of Daring Do. Clarence greeted us at the ledge. He was skipping about like a colt! “The Apple family are so nice! They know what and who I am and still invited me to their feast! I am looking forward to trying everything that they make out of apples! Those fritters are so good!” We read in the Ponyville Prancer about the bumper crop of apples at Sweet Apple Acres. There was an announcement of the date and time for their Harvest Home Feast too. Going into Ponyville on the appointed day, we had only to follow the signs. This feast was one of the big events in Ponyville. At the gate of Sweet Apple Acres, we were greeted by AJ in person. “Grumpy! Clarence! So happy that you could make it! Come in and help yourselves! We done made plenty for everypony!” It was true, too! There were everything from five different kinds of applesauce to baked apples, stuffed apples, pies, fritters and apple filled pastries of several sorts. The crowd included quite a few from out of town. Pegassi from Cloudsdale. They were not only the ones that brought the rain that washed away the pesticide dust from the apples, they brought friends too. The story of the saving of Sweet Apple Acres was a huge hit! I actually had ponies wanting my autograph! While I was busy stuffing my face and sucking down apple cider, AJ and Apple Bloom approached me. AJ wanted to know, “How could Sir Snobbin have made such a blunder?” I grinned, ear to ear, which since I my face is only a glamor, should have been really disturbing. Except that it just made Apple Bloom giggle. I told AJ, “It was Non-Equine magic at work. While you were in the office to pay your taxes, he was there squabbling about his. To protest his tax, he needed the exact legal description of HIS property. “For the Eminent Domain Seizure, he needed the exact legal description of YOUR property. When he gathered up all the papers after he was done, HE mixed up the two legal descriptions, that is all. “Those things really do look pretty much alike, you know, Duchy whatever, County which, Barony, so and so, township such and such, block that, lot or lots numbers thus and so. “All of Ponyville and environs has all of that the same except for the block and lot numbers. Easy mistake to make, made easier by a little help from a certain Non-Equine!” -THE END- The Judgement of the CourtAuthor's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr The Judgement of the Court As they all cleared the last small step onto my ledge, AJ burst out, “Ah thought that our contract said that we keeps Sweet Apple Acres and gets money too!” I was in my normal, invisible spirit body with my bare bone skull floating where my head should be and in fact is. I smiled as I replied, “It does indeed say that. So what has twisted your tail, AJ?” She snapped, “This!” AJ slapped down a fairly thick legal document. “We was served a notice of Seizure by Eminent Domain on Sweet Apple Acres! They’s going to take our farm for a pittance!” My glamored snake like eyes glowed even more and my smile turned feral as I opened the Document of Seizure. AJ saw it and demanded, “How kin you do that? Bone like your skull should not be able to show any expression! And what has you all grinnin’ like that!” I looked up, my expression changing to injured innocence. “It says that you are going to get 25,000 golden bits from Sir Snobbin Realty acting as agents for the Royal Road Commission. That is a very useful sum of money, isn’t it?” Big Mac slitted his eyes as he pointed out, “Eyup. Not much good to us if we looses the farm, though.” Coalsmoke suddenly smiled too. “I don’t know how he is working it, AJ, but Sweet Apple Acres is safe. You are totally protected by Grumpy’s allergy.” Apple Bloom stared up at my skull simply floating in the air above my ledge. She shook her head and asked in a puzzled voice, “What can he possibly be allergic to? I mean, I heard that he’s dead.” Clarence smiled gently at Apple Bloom as he explained, “You are correct. Grumpy is dead. What he is allergic to is giving out refunds!!” I asked AJ, “Didn’t you just pay your taxes yesterday? Was Sir Snobbin in the Tax and Assessment Office too?” AJ nodded sourly. “He was. Making a big ol fuss about his estate being taxed too high.” She paused, a puzzled expression on her face. “How in tarnation did you know that?” With a clatter of bone on stone, Clarence collapsed in a laughing fit! He was pounding the stone of my ledge with his forehoof! He finally got out, “Oh Grumpy! That is priceless! I love it!” Calming himself, Clarence advised, “In legal matters, Grumpy is slightly slipperier than a greased weasel! Whatever he tells you to do, do it exactly like he says to.” Turning to Coalsmoke, he smiled and requested, “My dear, would you please bring out the serving trolley? Grumpy made breakfast for four. He and I have already eaten.” She ducked inside my iron and steel front door and wheeled out the trolley. Grinning from ear to ear, she offered, “Grumpy made his famous Clover Top Scramble for you! These apple fritters on the side look like the ones that you make, AJ!” She took one look and replied, “They is. Ah made them for Grumpy 'bout two days agone.” Coalsmoke served and they all fell to. As she gathered the last of the dishes to take back in to my kitchen area, she commented, “Are you going to go with them, Grumpy? We can read later. I think that this is too important to leave to chance.” I nodded and offered brightly, “Right! I will just go on in and park my skull, then we can all go. I guarantee that this will be fun.” The Apples, Coalsmoke and I made a merry troop as we strolled down my trail and through the woods to Ponyville. Clarence stayed behind, saying only, “I have a bit of business of my own that I need to take care of.” As we neared the town hall and Judge Coldheart’s courtroom, I reminded the Apples, “NEVER say Sweet Apple Acres. Just say, The Property. That is very important. We are going to accept this seizure since it is for the common good but we feel that the price is far too low. Do you understand? Be glum. “Also, DO NOT take a check or draft. The order says payment in gold and that is what we are demanding. Checks or drafts can be stopped before they are cashed.” We waited in the audience while Judge Coldheart dealt with petty matters first. Most were simply ordering fines to be paid. A few were led out to serve short sentences and three were released as innocent of the charges. The Bailiff called, “The Judge will now hear civil matters with no contest. First on the docket is a case of Eminent Domain involving the Apple family and Sir Snobbin Realty, representing the Royal Road Commission.” That being our cue, we all came forward. AJ sourly put the notice of Eminent Domain Seizure on the judge’s bench. He started to look through the papers. Glancing down at me, he asked, “The Apple family, I understand being here, Grumpeter. Why are YOU here?” I replied, “AJ came to me about this problem, Your Honor. Because of the season, just short of harvest, they could not afford a Lawyer. I am offering them the best advice that I can in this sad situation.” “I see. Are you giving them legal advice?” “No, Your Honor. I know better than that. All that I am doing is reminding them of some legal forms like referring to the land in question as 'the property described in the document of seizure’ and such small matters. “The decision to acquiesce to the seizure without contest is theirs.” AJ, picking up her cue, glumly pointed out, “The only thing we ain’t going along with is the price. That 25,000 gold bits ain’t but a tenth of what the property is worth. If Sir Snobbin wants it without no fight, he gotta give us more than that!” Sir Snobbin sneered, “You can’t afford a lawyer to fight our generous offer!” I shoved a hoof up his rump by pointing out, “There is such a thing as Pro Bono representation. It wouldn’t cost THEM a thing if they lose but it WILL cost YOU if they win, and with that pittance, they will!” Grinding his teeth, Sir Snobbin snarled, “30,000! Not a bit more!” AJ saw my minute nod and hung her head as she said, “We accepts but only if you pays it right here and now. None of this 'we will pay in due course’, stuff. We going to have to get a house and move. Can’t do that with promises.” Sir Snobbin grinned triumphantly and pulled out his check book. “I will give you a check right now!” AJ saw my small head shake. She stomped her hoof as she snapped, “No! The paper say GOLD. Get us the gold. The court will count it and we will take it from the COURT. Don’t trust YOU an inch!” Amused, Judge Coldheart checked the Document of Seizure and snickered, “She is right, Sir Snobbin! Get her the gold. Bring it here. We will count it and render the payment.” I spoke up, “Judge Coldheart, Sir, may I suggest that Sir Snobbin provide both the gold and a bank receipt for it. After the court renders it to the Apple family, they deposit it into their account at the Ponyville Trust and Loan. Their receipt of deposit, Sir Snobbin’s receipt of withdrawal and the court’s count and render of payment will make this matter final and un contestable by either party. The described property will be the sole property of the Royal Road Commission for their new gravel grading and storage facility.” The judge nodded. “That will be done, Grumpeter. It makes perfect sense. I wish that there could be a better outcome.” His teeth grinding in rage, Sir Snobbin wrote in his checkbook and gave the paper to one of his flunkies. It took a while for him to return. He had rented a cart to haul the load. The Bailiff stood guard while the load was shifted to the courtroom. It was mostly larger ten, twenty and hundred gold bit coins. It made the count up go far faster. Sir Snobbin, in a show of his usual grace, sneered, “Hire your own cart! You can’t use the one that I had to rent!” Chuckling, AJ looked up to her huge brother and asked, “Do we need a cart, Big Mac?” His one word answer was, “Nope!” They began shoveling the coins into his huge saddlebags. When they were full, AJ’s bags took the rest. They trotted out of the court and up the street to the Ponyville Trust and Loan. It took a bit of time but they returned with the needed receipt. All three items, withdrawal, court count, and deposit were attached to the Eminent Domain Seizure document. Judge Coldheart signed it all and said heavily, “It is done. This transfer is complete and can not be further contested. “All that remains is to register the transfer of the property described at the Taxation and Assessment Office. They will dispatch a constable to affix the final seizure notice to the gates of the described property.” I pointed out, “All that will be left is the one week grace period for the residents to find a place, pack and move.” Sir Snobbin grabbed the documents of Eminent Domain and was about to leave. AJ gave me a puzzled look and asked in a small voice, “What do we do now, Grumpy?” I replied brightly, “We follow Sir Snobbin and you trust in my allergy!” AJ gave a sort of sideways smile and said, “I hope it is a real strong allergy. This business can’t be fixed if it is haywire in any way.” Coalsmoke joined us from the audience and snickered, “Nothing is stronger than Grumpy’s allergy to giving out refunds! Let’s go see how this happens!” We entered the Taxation and Assessment Office in time to see the clerk filling out the Gate Notice of Seizure placard. A constable was waiting to take it to wherever the clerk directed him. Sir Snobbin noticed us and chortled, “Losers!”
What Is Wrong At Sweet Apple Acres?Author's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr What Is Wrong At Sweet Apple Acres? When I saw who it was toiling up the path to my cave, I took the trouble to cast a glamor of my original handsome self on my invisible spirit body. It made me appear to be the nice piebald white, black and brown goat that I used to be before the bit of an accident that killed me. I am far more careful with Non-Equine magic now! I waited to greet Applejack’s arrival. I did keep the everburning candle between my horns. It is handy as a reading light inside my cave, where it can get really dark, especially when the solid iron and steel door is shut. I was delighted by Applejack’s double take when she saw me. “Darn! Fer a second there, Ah thought Ah was in the wrong place! Then Ah noticed the candle! So how come Ah don’t rate the floatin’ skull an all that there stuff?” I replied with honesty, “I was trying to make you feel more comfortable. The whole skull bit and all that goes with it is easily arranged if you want it. It is not often that one of the Mane Six shows up here at my cave. This is the first time, in fact. “Princess Luna, Princess Celestia, even Duchess Red Hoof, yes. Mane Six, nope. "If you would be so good as to enter my cave, we can talk privately.” I bowed her into my cave and sealed the heavy iron and steel door behind us. Thanks to the everburning candle between my horns, we could still see a little. I waved a hoof. Other candles in sconces all about the chamber lit up, making the place far better lit and homey. Turning to my guest a smile on my glamored face, I asked, “So, Applejack, what can I do for you?” She pulled a long face. “We got a problem down to Sweet Apple Acres. The apples looks right for this time of year but something is off. Shouldn’t make you tummy sick, this far along, but they do. Ah got some of them right here.” She laid out about a dozen nice looking but still just a bit green apples. She sighed, “The hundred gold bits that you charge is gonna be a problem too. Ah got it along but we really needs it now, just before the harvest.” I sat in my easy chair and steepled my hooves. “Before we just jump headlong into a contract that might not be set up right to actually solve your problem, it would be a good idea sort out what the problem actually is. What do YOU think it might be?” AJ’s brow wrinkled under her forelock. “Ah don’t rightly know, mister Goat. None of us does. We been farming Sweet Apple Acres since Granny was young and Ponyville was only a settlement. None of us ever seen a problem like this ‘un. “We uses only the best organic farming methods.” I nodded, my candle making some of the room’s shadows dance, and suggested, “Then we may assume that it is neither the farming or the apples, that is at the root of the problem. Tell me, has any pony tried to BUY or obtain Sweet Apple Acres recently?” AJ turned a troubled look at the innocent looking apples on my kitchen counter. “What would that have to do with the problem of our apples not being right?” Dry voiced, I pointed out, “Everything. You are stretched thin right now. If your crop fails, you could be forced to sell at a ruinous price.” I held up a hoof to forestall her outrage and went on, “If that is the case, it is easily proved. “The form of the non equine magic that I use requires that I be paid for the spells that I do. They simply won’t work if I am not paid. “A question which does bear on this problem. Do you supply Caramel Treat’s restaurant with apples or apple products?” AJ snickered, “Of course! They are picky customers but only because they wants the best. Not only do they get it, they pays us the highest prices for our apples, too. Always a pleasure to deal with them.” I nodded briskly. “Good! I happen to be on a regular monthly retainer with them over certain security issues! That means that I am already paid for these tests! It is a matter of the safety of their customers.” Since nearly all of my Non-Equine magic totally lacks flash and impressive stuff, I tend to follow a different book when using it. The Manual of Misdirection, Slight of Hoof and Showmanship! Makes for MUCH happier customers! I got a large sheet of paper and then brought out a small kit. Using fun little rituals, I opened the kit. Taking a charcoal stick, I drew a nice pentacle around one of the apples. It had many little signs and sigils all around it between points and and in the rings surrounding it. Each line or rune had its own bit of ritual. I set small candles around the Pentacle. Using a small wand of carved bone from the kit, I touched each candle in turn. They all flared to light. Then I sat back and waited. “What happens now, Mr. Goat?” AJ wanted to know. I pointed with the small wand. “Watch. It is already happening.” The apple was starting to glow an unhealthy red. I clapped my hooves together. All the candles went out at once! There was a small flash of light rushing about the pentacle! All of the pentacle and sigils were burned away, leaving the paper intact. The apple still glowed that same unhealthy red. I pulled down a biggish book from one of my many shelves. While I was leafing through the pages and double checking against the glowing apple, AJ shook her head in puzzlement. “What’s that showing you, Mister Goat? Ah don’t understand.” I replied absently, as I located the entry that I was looking for, “Your crop has been poisoned, AJ.”
Sweet Apple Acres Saved?Author's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr Sweet Apple Acres Saved? I held out the book, Equestrian Toxicology Diagnostic and Treatment Manual. “It was really quite clever of them. See for yourself. It is a pesticide for bud worm. It should be applied to the blooms. It is a water soluble white/gray powder.” AJ stamped a hoof in anger as she read the entry. “We don’t do nothin’ like this! We runs an ORGANIC farm! What can we do now? Even if there is some way to clean the apples, they won’t count as organic.” I batted my big goat eyelashes at her and suggested, “Thank you, AJ! I accept your invitation to the Harvest Home Feast! These apples that you brought me look like the orchards might benefit from about another inch of rain. I am sure that Cloudsdale will cooperate on delivering that!” AJ’s eyed narrowed. “You asking me to lie about this?” I smiled, “Not at all! AFTER the rain, you hire me to check the crop because of a threat to it. I will bet that the pony who wants to buy Sweet Apple Acres made a veiled threat, right?” Mutely, AJ nodded. I filled in, “I will publicly run this same test! The crop will show safe. If anypony asks you about the crop being organic, refer them to me and I will certify it pesticide free.” AJ mulled that over for some time. “Ah don’t like it but I see where it would be true, too. “Got a different question fer you, Mister Goat. What can we do about the apple worm that tried to do this to my family?” I grinned, “That just happens to be what I do for a living, even if the term living technically does not apply to me!” AJ smiled at my feeble jest but persisted, “So Ah hear. How kin we nail his tail to a tree” I pointed out, “We make a carefully drawn contract. That is the base of the particular sort of magic that I do.” I positioned several cushions for AJ’s comfort and sat in my easy chair. I reached over and pulled a copy of one of my blank contracts out of a file. I explained, “Now, AJ, this top page is the same for all of my contracts. The only things that ever change are the amounts and who they get paid to. The terms for a refund if necessary, that sort of thing.” I wrote briefly and showed her the page. She observed astutely, “You have left the amount blank.” “Right, AJ. I am trying to decide whether that dozen apples is enough payment. Now, let’s get down to the hard part. I won’t ask you to sign anything that is not complete.” AJ stared at the apples on my counter and then to me. “I thought that you charged at least a hundred golden bits. Why would you take a dozen poisoned apples?” I replied offhandedly, “The poison will wash off. I have to be paid. How much is up to me. I charge a lot most of the time because the ones buying my work are trying to harm or influence some other pony. While I do approve of that, I see no reason not make it hurt for the one buying my services too. I really don’t much like most ponies.” “Ah see. How shall we handle this best?” “Tell me, AJ, would you getting to keep Sweet Apple Acres and see Sir Snobbin Realty get their tails nailed to the tree bother you?” “Ah do believe that you have just said the best thing Ah have heard in a long time.” I sat and began to fill in the results page, the heart of any of my contracts, actually. AJ sat and tried to sort out what I had in mind. Finally, I handed her the whole contract. We went over it together in detail before she signed it. We took the time to clean the apples and bake up two pies and a batch of fritters before we left together to register the contract. The elderly mare Molly was behind the counter in the Hall of Records. Pretending that she is young and beautiful is our little game. “Hello, Mol, my lovely! Look who I have for a client this time!” She nearly dropped her spectacles at the sight of AJ! “Who are YOU having hexed, AJ?” AJ sort of scratched the carpet with a hoof and replied, “Ah is more concerned that Sweet Apple Acres stays in our family. Rather'n hex some pony, their tricks gone backfire on 'em, that’s all.” I paid Mol the twenty bits registration fee. She made her ledger notes and filed the contract. The next morning, I was sitting out on the ledge in front of my cave along with the Litch King, Lord of the Dead, known to his few friends as Clarence. The sun shining through the neatly polished bones of his skeletal body made neat patters on the stone of the ledge. We were sharing clover top scramble and apple fritters on the side while waiting for Coalsmoke, a lovely pure black mare with a cutie mark like the one on the abdomen of a Black Widow Spider. We were planning a leisurely morning reading the latest Daring Do book. We saw Coalsmoke rounding a bend in the trail. Just behind her were AJ, Big Mac and little Applebloom. They looked pretty upset.
Feast of Harvest HomeAuthor's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr Feast of Harvest Home The clerk gave the placard and a map to the constable. Taking them, the constable set out, Sir Snobbin and us following him. Suddenly Sir Snobbin took the constable’s shoulder and pointed as he demanded, “Where are you going, Sir? Sweet Apple Acres is that way!” The constable gave him a level stare and demanded, “Unhoof me, Sir! I am well aware of the location of Sweet Apple Acres! That is not the property described in the Eminent Domain Seizure nor on the map given me by the clerk. I am going to finalize the seizure in those documents.” We really did not have far to walk before the constable verified an address and affixed the Notice. Sir Snobbin was fit to be tied! “Sir! You cannot do this! This is MY ESTATE! How can anyone be so stupid?” The constable quietly showed that he was far less stupid than Sir Snobbin thought. “Part of my job, Sir, is to verify that the final notice matches the documents provided by the court. I noticed that the document was prepared and submitted for service by YOUR realty company. That means that YOU made the error, if there was one!” Hearing the little altercation from a modest distance, I suggested to the Apples and Coalsmoke, “Let’s leave before he sees us!” While we were trotting away, AJ showed what being an Element of Harmony is all about. She inquired, “Your friend, up there at your cave, the Litch King, is he called? Don’t get many invites, does he? Does he always look like that? An Alicorn skeleton, I mean?” Coalsmoke filled in, “Clarence? That really is him. He is even better at glamors than Grumpy. He can look like whatever he wants. Why would you ask?” Soberly, AJ replied, “'Cause if he don’t go taking anypony during the Harvest Home Feast, I’d like to invite him, too. Seems like a good sort.” Coalsmoke nodded, “He is, if you don’t go trying to piss him off. I may add, he loved your apple pie and fritters, too.” I pointed off to the other side of Ponyville. “Look! It is raining! Appears to be right over your apple orchards, AJ!” She smiled. “It is. Best rain deal Ah made with Cloudsdale in a while. All that they wants is five bushels of fresh apples, come harvest! Ah invited them to the Harvest Home Feast too.” We parted company. They went back to the farm that was still theirs. Coalsmoke and I went back up to my cave. There was enough daylight remaining to get in a couple of chapters of Daring Do. Clarence greeted us at the ledge. He was skipping about like a colt! “The Apple family are so nice! They know what and who I am and still invited me to their feast! I am looking forward to trying everything that they make out of apples! Those fritters are so good!” We read in the Ponyville Prancer about the bumper crop of apples at Sweet Apple Acres. There was an announcement of the date and time for their Harvest Home Feast too. Going into Ponyville on the appointed day, we had only to follow the signs. This feast was one of the big events in Ponyville. At the gate of Sweet Apple Acres, we were greeted by AJ in person. “Grumpy! Clarence! So happy that you could make it! Come in and help yourselves! We done made plenty for everypony!” It was true, too! There were everything from five different kinds of applesauce to baked apples, stuffed apples, pies, fritters and apple filled pastries of several sorts. The crowd included quite a few from out of town. Pegassi from Cloudsdale. They were not only the ones that brought the rain that washed away the pesticide dust from the apples, they brought friends too. The story of the saving of Sweet Apple Acres was a huge hit! I actually had ponies wanting my autograph! While I was busy stuffing my face and sucking down apple cider, AJ and Apple Bloom approached me. AJ wanted to know, “How could Sir Snobbin have made such a blunder?” I grinned, ear to ear, which since I my face is only a glamor, should have been really disturbing. Except that it just made Apple Bloom giggle. I told AJ, “It was Non-Equine magic at work. While you were in the office to pay your taxes, he was there squabbling about his. To protest his tax, he needed the exact legal description of HIS property. “For the Eminent Domain Seizure, he needed the exact legal description of YOUR property. When he gathered up all the papers after he was done, HE mixed up the two legal descriptions, that is all. “Those things really do look pretty much alike, you know, Duchy whatever, County which, Barony, so and so, township such and such, block that, lot or lots numbers thus and so. “All of Ponyville and environs has all of that the same except for the block and lot numbers. Easy mistake to make, made easier by a little help from a certain Non-Equine!” -THE END-
The Judgement of the CourtAuthor's Note This story is based on an idea given to me by ThE_CrAzY_PoNy_nExT_DoOr The Judgement of the Court As they all cleared the last small step onto my ledge, AJ burst out, “Ah thought that our contract said that we keeps Sweet Apple Acres and gets money too!” I was in my normal, invisible spirit body with my bare bone skull floating where my head should be and in fact is. I smiled as I replied, “It does indeed say that. So what has twisted your tail, AJ?” She snapped, “This!” AJ slapped down a fairly thick legal document. “We was served a notice of Seizure by Eminent Domain on Sweet Apple Acres! They’s going to take our farm for a pittance!” My glamored snake like eyes glowed even more and my smile turned feral as I opened the Document of Seizure. AJ saw it and demanded, “How kin you do that? Bone like your skull should not be able to show any expression! And what has you all grinnin’ like that!” I looked up, my expression changing to injured innocence. “It says that you are going to get 25,000 golden bits from Sir Snobbin Realty acting as agents for the Royal Road Commission. That is a very useful sum of money, isn’t it?” Big Mac slitted his eyes as he pointed out, “Eyup. Not much good to us if we looses the farm, though.” Coalsmoke suddenly smiled too. “I don’t know how he is working it, AJ, but Sweet Apple Acres is safe. You are totally protected by Grumpy’s allergy.” Apple Bloom stared up at my skull simply floating in the air above my ledge. She shook her head and asked in a puzzled voice, “What can he possibly be allergic to? I mean, I heard that he’s dead.” Clarence smiled gently at Apple Bloom as he explained, “You are correct. Grumpy is dead. What he is allergic to is giving out refunds!!” I asked AJ, “Didn’t you just pay your taxes yesterday? Was Sir Snobbin in the Tax and Assessment Office too?” AJ nodded sourly. “He was. Making a big ol fuss about his estate being taxed too high.” She paused, a puzzled expression on her face. “How in tarnation did you know that?” With a clatter of bone on stone, Clarence collapsed in a laughing fit! He was pounding the stone of my ledge with his forehoof! He finally got out, “Oh Grumpy! That is priceless! I love it!” Calming himself, Clarence advised, “In legal matters, Grumpy is slightly slipperier than a greased weasel! Whatever he tells you to do, do it exactly like he says to.” Turning to Coalsmoke, he smiled and requested, “My dear, would you please bring out the serving trolley? Grumpy made breakfast for four. He and I have already eaten.” She ducked inside my iron and steel front door and wheeled out the trolley. Grinning from ear to ear, she offered, “Grumpy made his famous Clover Top Scramble for you! These apple fritters on the side look like the ones that you make, AJ!” She took one look and replied, “They is. Ah made them for Grumpy 'bout two days agone.” Coalsmoke served and they all fell to. As she gathered the last of the dishes to take back in to my kitchen area, she commented, “Are you going to go with them, Grumpy? We can read later. I think that this is too important to leave to chance.” I nodded and offered brightly, “Right! I will just go on in and park my skull, then we can all go. I guarantee that this will be fun.” The Apples, Coalsmoke and I made a merry troop as we strolled down my trail and through the woods to Ponyville. Clarence stayed behind, saying only, “I have a bit of business of my own that I need to take care of.” As we neared the town hall and Judge Coldheart’s courtroom, I reminded the Apples, “NEVER say Sweet Apple Acres. Just say, The Property. That is very important. We are going to accept this seizure since it is for the common good but we feel that the price is far too low. Do you understand? Be glum. “Also, DO NOT take a check or draft. The order says payment in gold and that is what we are demanding. Checks or drafts can be stopped before they are cashed.” We waited in the audience while Judge Coldheart dealt with petty matters first. Most were simply ordering fines to be paid. A few were led out to serve short sentences and three were released as innocent of the charges. The Bailiff called, “The Judge will now hear civil matters with no contest. First on the docket is a case of Eminent Domain involving the Apple family and Sir Snobbin Realty, representing the Royal Road Commission.” That being our cue, we all came forward. AJ sourly put the notice of Eminent Domain Seizure on the judge’s bench. He started to look through the papers. Glancing down at me, he asked, “The Apple family, I understand being here, Grumpeter. Why are YOU here?” I replied, “AJ came to me about this problem, Your Honor. Because of the season, just short of harvest, they could not afford a Lawyer. I am offering them the best advice that I can in this sad situation.” “I see. Are you giving them legal advice?” “No, Your Honor. I know better than that. All that I am doing is reminding them of some legal forms like referring to the land in question as 'the property described in the document of seizure’ and such small matters. “The decision to acquiesce to the seizure without contest is theirs.” AJ, picking up her cue, glumly pointed out, “The only thing we ain’t going along with is the price. That 25,000 gold bits ain’t but a tenth of what the property is worth. If Sir Snobbin wants it without no fight, he gotta give us more than that!” Sir Snobbin sneered, “You can’t afford a lawyer to fight our generous offer!” I shoved a hoof up his rump by pointing out, “There is such a thing as Pro Bono representation. It wouldn’t cost THEM a thing if they lose but it WILL cost YOU if they win, and with that pittance, they will!” Grinding his teeth, Sir Snobbin snarled, “30,000! Not a bit more!” AJ saw my minute nod and hung her head as she said, “We accepts but only if you pays it right here and now. None of this 'we will pay in due course’, stuff. We going to have to get a house and move. Can’t do that with promises.” Sir Snobbin grinned triumphantly and pulled out his check book. “I will give you a check right now!” AJ saw my small head shake. She stomped her hoof as she snapped, “No! The paper say GOLD. Get us the gold. The court will count it and we will take it from the COURT. Don’t trust YOU an inch!” Amused, Judge Coldheart checked the Document of Seizure and snickered, “She is right, Sir Snobbin! Get her the gold. Bring it here. We will count it and render the payment.” I spoke up, “Judge Coldheart, Sir, may I suggest that Sir Snobbin provide both the gold and a bank receipt for it. After the court renders it to the Apple family, they deposit it into their account at the Ponyville Trust and Loan. Their receipt of deposit, Sir Snobbin’s receipt of withdrawal and the court’s count and render of payment will make this matter final and un contestable by either party. The described property will be the sole property of the Royal Road Commission for their new gravel grading and storage facility.” The judge nodded. “That will be done, Grumpeter. It makes perfect sense. I wish that there could be a better outcome.” His teeth grinding in rage, Sir Snobbin wrote in his checkbook and gave the paper to one of his flunkies. It took a while for him to return. He had rented a cart to haul the load. The Bailiff stood guard while the load was shifted to the courtroom. It was mostly larger ten, twenty and hundred gold bit coins. It made the count up go far faster. Sir Snobbin, in a show of his usual grace, sneered, “Hire your own cart! You can’t use the one that I had to rent!” Chuckling, AJ looked up to her huge brother and asked, “Do we need a cart, Big Mac?” His one word answer was, “Nope!” They began shoveling the coins into his huge saddlebags. When they were full, AJ’s bags took the rest. They trotted out of the court and up the street to the Ponyville Trust and Loan. It took a bit of time but they returned with the needed receipt. All three items, withdrawal, court count, and deposit were attached to the Eminent Domain Seizure document. Judge Coldheart signed it all and said heavily, “It is done. This transfer is complete and can not be further contested. “All that remains is to register the transfer of the property described at the Taxation and Assessment Office. They will dispatch a constable to affix the final seizure notice to the gates of the described property.” I pointed out, “All that will be left is the one week grace period for the residents to find a place, pack and move.” Sir Snobbin grabbed the documents of Eminent Domain and was about to leave. AJ gave me a puzzled look and asked in a small voice, “What do we do now, Grumpy?” I replied brightly, “We follow Sir Snobbin and you trust in my allergy!” AJ gave a sort of sideways smile and said, “I hope it is a real strong allergy. This business can’t be fixed if it is haywire in any way.” Coalsmoke joined us from the audience and snickered, “Nothing is stronger than Grumpy’s allergy to giving out refunds! Let’s go see how this happens!” We entered the Taxation and Assessment Office in time to see the clerk filling out the Gate Notice of Seizure placard. A constable was waiting to take it to wherever the clerk directed him. Sir Snobbin noticed us and chortled, “Losers!”
