“Understanding Medieval Equestria. Pony history. Over there.”

Vi’s gaze followed the gesture, finding the little sign on top of the shelf. She took the book out of Twilight’s grasp, floating it over.

“How is the order within a shelf?”

“Alphabetically, based on author. Just put them near the middle for now.” She picked up another. “Modern Spell Casting. Classics.”

“Classics?” Vi echoed while putting the book there. “Is that a quality judgment?”

“Kind of,” Twilight said. “But not mine, it’s-”

They both turned their heads as they heard someone laughing. Spike was standing on the staircase, a red, heart-shaped gem in his grasp.

“Spike,” Twilight asked, “what are you laughing at?”

“This little beauty is my birthday present to myself! A fire ruby! I’ve been aging it for months, and it’s almost right!”

“Aging?” Vi asked.

“You can grow gems indoors,” Twilight said. “Actually, there must be a book about it somewhere in this pile. Wow, Spike, this one’s turned out great!”

“I had no idea what present I could give you,” Vi confessed to Spike, just as she had done to Twilight four days prior. “I’m sorry.”

“You? Ah, don’t be ridiculous!” Spike made a dismissive gesture with the claw that wasn’t holding the fire ruby. “You already do so much for me! What are you two doing, anyway?”

“I’m helping Twilight reshelve.”

“Reshelve? Hah! That sounds so boring! Why do you even need to reshelve?”

“The history of Canterlot,” Twilight began with the next book, clearly not appreciating Spike’s comment.

“Don’t they all go back into the same shelves anyway?”

“History section. They would if everyone always put them back where they belonged, but as you well know Spike, they don’t. The Lunar Empire. Fantasy. This book shouldn’t even be in this room!”

“I got it,” Vi said, making for the second room in a swift gallop. She was back in time to hear a knock from the door.

“Heloooho! Anypony home?”

“It’s Rarity,” Twilight said, opening. “Hey there.”

“Twilight, I’m glad you-” She stopped, gasping. “Is that a fire ruby?” She sped over, gaping at the gem which Spike proudly presented. “Ah! That must be at least twenty karats! No inclusions... pristine facets...”

“... and, totally delicious!” Spike finished for her.

“Boris the talking Bear, volume three. Children’s section,” Twilight instructed.

“... d-delicious?”

“Yup! Next Week’s my birthday! And this is my birthday dinner!”

“The magic in nature... errm, if you guys don’t mind...? Magic Theory.”

“Oh. Oh, of course. Ahm, hello, Vi.”

“Miss Rarity. I am helping Twilight reshelve as my punishment for my poor manners. I promise to try to behave better in the future.”

“I see,” Rarity said, somewhat awkwardly. “Well.” She cleared her throat. “Twilight, I came by to see if you have any books on historical fashion.”

As a response, Twilight briefly looked over all books that were currently floating, then she carefully put them back onto the floor. At an impressive speed, she scanned through the remaining pile, briefly lifting up about half a dozen at a time.

“... start with this one,” she said eventually, after about two thirds of the pile were worked through, offering Rarity a thin book with a cyan cover.

“Thanks, Twilight. I’ve got a feeling ruffled taffeta capes are going to make a huge comeback this season, and I want to be ahead of the game...”

While ostensibly still looking into the book, her eyes darted towards Spike as she finished her sentence, who was just putting the heart-shaped fire-ruby into a chest. She bit into her front limb, visibly in pain.

“I think one of the ways ponies’ minds systematically fail has to do with, um, insensitivity towards duration,” Vi said at once, sounding a bit less fluid than normal. “What do you think, Twilight?”

“Err,” Twilight made, who for inexplicable reasons was also looking into a book. “... what?”

“Well, uhm, I think ponies often underestimate the long-term drawbacks of, um, smoking! Yeah! On the other hoof, ponies who, say, are poor but spend a lot of bits on sweets might overestimate the very short-lived benefit of eating something with a lot of sugar. They think that the time when they’ll be eating their sweets will be wonderful, but in fact, they would probably gain more happiness overall if they spent the bits on something else instead... something with a more long-lasting effect. Don’t you think so?”

Twilight’s eyes, now detached from the book, slowly wandered over Vi to Rarity to Spike and finally to the fire ruby.

She looked back at Vi, raising an eyebrow.

“I really think so,” Vi doubled down. “It’s very unlikely that something lasting a few minutes at best can compete.”

“Well, I would think that you’re right most of the time, but it the choice would be up to the ponies having the bits. If they decide they want sweets instead...” Twilight demonstrably closed the book, floating it into its shelf. “... then I don’t think it’s our place to argue.”

“Of course. I would still present the argument, though.”

Vi looked at Rarity. Rarity looked back. Vi made a small but unmistakable gesture with her head.

Although she was still pretending to sort books, Twilight’s gaze, just like Vi’s, was fixated at Spike, while Rarity was carefully approaching him.

“Spike, may I have another look at your price jewel?”

“Oh. Of course!” Spike opened the chest he had already closed, presenting the ruby. Rarity gave a dramatic sigh.

“I do hope it is as tasty as it is beautiful... I’ve never seen anything quite so stunning before!”

Vi looked at Twilight, who didn’t notice because she was still watching the scene. Closing her eyes, she mirrored the gesture from Rarity, biting into her leg.

“Gosh! You really like it, huh?”

“Like it? It’s... magnificent!”

“She lied again...” Vi murmured after Rarity and Spike had left them both to continue their reshelving.

“What? When? Pony history.”

“‘I’ve never seen anything quite so stunning before’,” Vi quoted, putting the book in question on its shelf.

“Oh. Vi, I think you have to get used to those kinds of expressions. They’re figures of speech. Classics.”

“But they’re not! Saying ‘we’re sorting a million books,’ would be a figure of speech. Rarity was trying to make an argument for how valuable the ruby is to her, and she lied... most likely.”

“Applied magic... children’s section... pony history... history...” Twilight took her time with her answer, clearly thinking about what to say. “You’re already looking at the author’s names, right?”

“Yeah. By the way, Twilight, I think-”

“Biology.”

“-Spike had a point about reshelving.”

“... what?”

“Reshelving everything at once doesn’t seem to be the ideal method. Why not do it shelf by shelf?”

“History. Uhm. Some books are on the wrong shelf, though.”

“How many?”

“Uh, I’m not sure.”

“Make a guess.”

“A fifth?”

“Pretty sure that would still go faster.”

“Biology. Maybe. We can try next time. I’m going to re-shelf the other room in just a few days. Vi, I don’t think it matters whether it’s a figure of speech or not. It’s not treated as a lie in our society. Most ponies wouldn’t even get the idea. Classics.”

“That means lying is socially accepted. At least in some forms. Ugh, I have to think about this more.”

“History.”

Vi took the book. Cloud Burster... she put it at the leftmost spot on the shelf.

“One more.” Twilight gave her the next. “Vi, you didn’t just want to get back in Rarity’s good standing, did you? You also believed what you said?”

“Yes, I think it’s unlikely that eating the gem is the best use for it.”

“I’m glad he gave it to her, too. But if Rarity hadn’t tried, you’d have let it go?”

Vi hesitated. “I think I’d have talked to Spike once, but then given up.”

Twilight smiled. “Good. Applied magic.”

“Twilight?” Vi whispered, gently poking at the mare’s shoulder. “Twilight?”

“Mhhhhmmmh,” Twilight made, slowly opening her eyes. “What... what’s going on?”

“Something important. Please get up. But be quiet.”

The words took a few moments to reach Twilight’s sleepy head, but eventually, she nodded, shoving off her blanket. As she looked over the edge of her bed, she froze on the spot.

As usual, Spike was lying in his crib. Unlike usual, he was wearing a hat, and there was a pile of random objects lying beside him, from a mirror over a guitar to a flower pot. And similarly unlike usual, he was about twice his normal size.

“Can we go down to discuss what to do?” Vi suggested.

Twilight’s eyes darted from Spike over the pile of objects to Vi and then back to Spike.

“I’d just wake him and ask-”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea. But if it is, you can still wake him in a few minutes. It’s one-thirty in the morning, he’ll be asleep for hours.”

Twilight nodded. “Alright.”

“I assume it has to do with his birthday,” Vi said as they reached the lower floor and Twilight made light. “It would be a big coincidence otherwise.”

“Yes, but how?”

“You have no idea?”

“Ponies know next to nothing about dragons...” Twilight made a gesture around the library. “You won’t find a single book here that provides a solid run-through.”

“Then we’ll have to guess and see what sounds plausible.”

“You first.”

“Um. Well, it’s probably connected to the stuff upstairs, but the stuff itself seemed harmless. So the cause for his growth was probably the act of acquiring it.”

“I saw him yesterday...” Twilight murmured. “He had the same hat on, and I caught him demanding a gift from somepony. When I called him out on it, he apologized and said he’d give the hat back, but he clearly didn’t.”

“Did he seem normal?”

“Not at first, but then he did, when he talked to me.”

“That fits with the hypothesis, I think. Something about getting lots of stuff must be the cause. Just getting it, or getting it by force, or wanting it too much, or something similar.”

“Why don’t we just ask him?”

“I really wouldn’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“It seems possible that his growth also changed his character. What if he attacks you?”

“Why would it- ... well, I guess he normally wouldn’t have taken all this stuff... mh.” Twilight frowned. “You’re a very careful pony, VI. More than I am.”

Vi nodded. “It doesn’t seem smart to take the risk... do you agree?”

“I’m not sure. You can go too far with being careful.”

“Okay, how big do you think the danger is? Let’s establish whether we’re disagreeing about our estimate or about our risk tolerance.”

“You go first,” Twilight said again.

“Forty percent that his character changed noticeably, two that he would be dangerous.”

“Sounds reasonable.”

“Okay... but two percent is way too high to risk it, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Twilight conceded. “You’re right. What do we do then?”

“Can you contact the princess in other ways than through Spike?”

“No.”

“Then I’d say, get a bunch of magicians here, wake him, see if he will send a scroll, if not detain him.”

Twilight shook her head. ”’A bunch of magicians’?” she echoed. “Vi, there isn’t a single strong magician in Ponyville outside of this room. And even if there was, what would you have me do? Wake them up in the middle of the night? No, you really need to be more practical.”

“Okay, can you really not message the princess otherwise?”

Twilight shook her head.

“Okay, give me a few moments to think about it.”

For about a minute, Vi paced around the room, while Twilight waited patiently.

“Get Rainbow Dash. Tell her to fly to Cloudsdale and notify the princess that way.”

“No. You don’t disturb the ruler of the world in the middle of the night for something that’s most likely harmless. That’s not how she wants me to deal with things. She’s encouraged me to act on my own.”

“But this could really be dangerous!”

“No, Vi. Flying to Cloudsdale before anything has even happened is out of question.”

“Okay. Get Rainbow Dash anyway. We should be prepared to evacuate and send Rainbow Dash to Canterlot immediately if he attacks us. That way, the princess will only be disturbed in case of a real emergency.”

Twilight sighed. “Why do all of your suggestions include waking up ponies in the middle of the night?”

“Come on, Twilight! It’s just Rainbow Dash! That has to be a reasonable safety measure!”

“Fine. But... speaking of waking ponies in the middle of the night, why were you awake?”

“Um. I don’t sleep at night. I sleep for twenty minutes eight times a day.”

Twilight, who had been facing the staircase, slowly turned around.

“I’m talking to you, so I probably don’t have to ask, but are you serious?”

Vi nodded.

“We’ve been living together for over a week now. How in Celestia’s name did you hide that for so long? And why?”

“Um. ... I’m thinking about whether I protest to you saying ‘hide’...”

“Vi, if you hadn’t been trying hide it, I’d have noticed.”

“Well, you did notice. Just now.”

Twilight called upon her magic, rubbing her eyes.

“Vi... please tell me exactly what you are doing, why you are doing it, and why I didn’t know about this until now.”

“Um ... okay. Ponies go through several phases when they sleep, but only some of them do what we need sleep for, and others don’t seem to do anything. If we are sleep deprived, our bodies will spend less time in those, which makes the sleep we do have more efficient. But being sleep deprived has disadvantages. Somepony once told me that one could have the advantage of more efficient sleep without the disadvantage of too little sleep by having several, shorter phases, but that transitioning would be very hard. Um, I tried it, and eventually it worked.

“I didn’t mention it to you because I thought it would make it a bit less likely that you let me live with you. But I was sleeping when Fluttershy first found me. If either of you had asked why, I’d have told you you the truth.”

“I must have woken you up several times.”

“You did. I’ve been sleeping like this for so long that I’m fairly flexible by now. I can deal with a few phases cut short.”

“That’s amazing,” Twilight murmured. “Look, Vi. This was just about the worst way I could have learned about this. It’s... there is nothing bad about it. At least that I know of. If you had just told me up-front, then there wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I don’t understand why there is a problem now.”

“You don’t, because you didn’t lie, and you told me as soon as I asked?” Twilight guessed.

“Um, yes.”

Twilight shook her head. “Vi, ponies aren’t perfectly rational creatures.”

“Um. Well, if you can explain to me which social rule I broke, I can try to learn it.”

That made Twilight chuckle. “It’s okay. I can try to teach you sometime. But...” Her tone became serious again. “... why did you think it would make me less likely to take you in?”

“I thought it would make me appear less childish.”

“‘Less childish?’” Twilight echoed. “Why would that be a bad thing?”

“Um, I think ponies have an emotional bias to be nice to children.”

“So you’ve been trying to manipulate me.”

“Twilight, ponies manipulate each other all the time!” Vi protested. “They have hidden motives all the time! What I’ve done isn’t any worse. The only difference is that I do it consciously.”

“Well,” Twilight said, “but I don’t do it, right?”

“... I don’t think you do,” Vi admitted. “I don’t think Fluttershy does it, either... or at least way less than most ponies. But Rarity, for example, does it all the time, and you’re not mad at her for it, are you?”

“No, I’m not. But... Vi, if you’re... you’re... argh!” Frustrated, Twilight stamped her left forehoof. “It’s different, okay? If you’re doing it to me, and you know you’re doing it to me, it feels like you’re deceiving me. Maybe this is unfair, but it doesn’t feel like that when anypony else does it. Just... don’t do it, okay?”

“Don’t do it to anyone, or just not to you?”

Twilight sighed. “Just not to me.”

“Okay. I promise.”

“Good. And stop being so afraid I might kick you out,” she added. “I’m not kicking you out, okay?”

Vi nodded. “Okay.”

“Spike,” Twilight said carefully. “Spike, wake up.”

Spike yawned, and in doing so showed a much longer and scarier-looking tongue than he’d had on the day before.

“Uh... what happened?”

“That’s what we want to know from you!”

Spike yawned again. “It’s so early...” he murmured. “Why did you – wait, Rainbow Dash, why are you- aah! What happened to me?”

He stood up, rather awkwardly so, looking at his own limbs.

“I know it seems like the most obvious question,” Vi said, “but right now it’s not the most pressing one. What happened yesterday?”

“Yea,” said Twilight, “what did you do after I saw you, Spike?”

“Uhm. I went to talk to...”

His voice trailed off, his gaze set at the other end of the room.

“You went to talk to whom?”

“Err, I don’t remember. Hey, can I have that photo? You hardly ever look at it, right?” He picked up the framed picture that was sitting above the chimney. “Thank-”

“No you can’t!” Twilight hissed, taking it out of his grasp.

“Spike!” Vi growled. “You told Twilight you’d give the hat back to Cheerilee and you didn’t. That means you lied! As your number one assistant, I demand that you tell me exactly why, right now!”

“Um,” Spike made. Even though Vi was barely a quarter of his size now, he still seemed to be intimidated. “Um. Well, I tried to, but I didn’t find her, and-”

“If you don’t tell me the truth, you can find yourself another assistant,” Vi stated, her voice cold as ice.

“B-but... I don’t understand, you’ve never-”

“Because you’ve never lied to me before, Spike. Don’t. Lie. To me. Ever. Tell me what happened!”

“Um. I didn’t think... look, Twilight was trying to ruin everything. It was my birthday! Ponies wanted to give me gifts! I didn’t make Cheerilee give me the hat! I didn’t even ask her! I just mentioned that it was my birthday, and she said everypony should have presents on their birthday, and she gave it to me, alright? Why should I give it back?”

“If it happened like that, there is no reason for you to give it back. The problem is not that you didn’t give it back, the problem is that you lied.”

“Err,” Rainbow made. “I think the bigger problem right now is that he’s twice his normal size.”

“Right,” Vi said, “that too.”

“What did you do after I saw you?” Twilight repeated her question. “And as Vi just reminded you, we do not lie to each other. Tell me the truth.”

“Saying you don’t remember was probably another lie,” Vi threw in. “Don’t make your next answer the fourth one.”

“Um. I... didn’t give Cheerilee her hat back?”

“I can see that,” Twilight said. “What did you do?”

“Well, I...” His voice trailed off once more as, presumably, his eyes fixated another object, but the social pressure made him refocus. “Uhm, I... just got around more, and more ponies gave me stuff... I even got a small cart to carry it... then, uhm, the evening is a bit of a blur. I got home late and put it all here, I think.”

“But why? What do you want with all of this stuff?”

“I can keep it, right?”

“Spike!”

“What do you want with this stuff?” Vi repeated the question, talking slowly and with a lot of weight on each word.

“Uh. Dunno. Just... collect it? There’s no harm in having it, right?”

“It clearly affects your character, and it clearly affects your body, both in unpredictable ways. That’s a lot of harm.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to give it back!”

“I think that’s a case of systematic undervaluing of long-term effects. You are driven by your desire to have lots of stuff now, but if getting lots of stuff has unpredictable effects-”

“Why are you being so dense?” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “‘Getting lots of stuff?’ He’s greedy! Dragons have hoards! He’s starting to want one and that makes him get all big and nasty!”

“Sounds plausible,” Vi agreed. “So if practicing greed causes uncontrollable changes, we can’t allow you to do it. We don’t know how sensitive control is towards impulse. It could be that if you just got a little bit more stuff, the greed would suddenly overwhelm all other desire and thus triggering a snowball effect that would be hard to stop and could end up killing someone. Um.” She threw a look at Twilight. “I’m not making the decisions, but it seems clear-cut to me.”

“Vi is right,” Twilight said decidedly. “You know how resistant dragons are to unicorn magic. We can’t risk getting into a situation we can’t control.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?”

“Um,” Twilight made, looking towards Vi for ideas, but it was Rainbow who answered.

“Give the stuff back.”

“No!”

“Hah! See, he doesn’t want to! If he does it anyway, maybe it’ll make him small again!”

“It won’t! And who says I want to be small again?”

“I think you’re underestimating the downsides of your new size,” Vi said, and Twilight nodded.

“Yeah. Spike, imagine how other ponies will react to you. Previously, you were about as big as Rainbow or I, but now? And what would Rarity think?”

“B-but...”

“And you can’t stay like this,” Vi repeated. “At least not if it’s avoidable. Your old form seems to be somewhat stable based on how long you’ve had it. But your new form? We don’t know how easily you would grow more.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Twilight said, “agreed.”

“Give it back,” Rainbow urged. “Come on, Spike!”

“But... but the ponies aren’t even here.”

“I’ll give it to them,” Vi volunteered. “If you give it to me. It’s the same as returning it to their previous owners. Everything you give to me, you’ll never get back. Twilight will put it downstairs. You won’t even see it again.”

“Good idea.” Twilight levitated the hat which Spike was still wearing from his head, but instead of taking it, she put it into his grasp. “Give it back. And explain why.”

“Pretend I’m Cheerilee.”

Spike fidgeted around, clearly not wanting to do what everypony had asked of him. As the silence got awkwardly long, Rainbow wanted to say something, but Twilight cut her off.

“We can wait. Spike, you have all the time you want.”

Over a minute passed before he did it.

“Ch-Cheerilee? Uhm. Will... will you take back your hat, please? I... I was being too greedy... even though I really... really like it.”

Another ten seconds passed, during which he was holding the item in his grasp. Then, he offered it to Vi, who took it into her telekinesis. Only as he opened his claws voluntarily did she pull it away.

“Thank you, Spike. That-”

Vi interrupted herself as he suddenly reverted back to his former size.

“Huh,” Rainbow made. “I didn’t think it would happen that quickly.”

“Oh Spike!” Twilight ran over and hugged him, while Vi floated the hat down the staircase, just as they had planned. “I’m so proud of you!”

“You should return the rest, too,” Vi said, “just to be safe.”

“S-sure.” All of the greed seemed to have left with this transformation. “You can have all of it. I don’t need it.” He gulped, clearly in relief. “Well,” he added, “except the hat. The hat was really cool.”

“If you return all of these, I will buy you a hat,” Twilight said with a smile. “As long as you don’t get too greedy.”

“I won’t. I promise!”

“You did great, Spike,” Vi also said. “You don’t have to return all of these yourself if you don’t want to. You can have your assistant do it.”

“Wow, really?”

“Of course! I am still your number one assistant, aren’t I?”

“Y-yeah! Sure!”

“Cool stuff.” Rainbow yawned. “It’s still the middle of the night, though. If you don’t need me anymore...”

Twilight giggled. “You can go home, Rainbow Dash. Thank you for your help!”

“Eh, sure. Easiest friendship problem eeever.”

She walked over to the large window, opening it. With a wink, she was gone.

“You should write a letter to Princess Celestia about this, Spike. Which reminds me...” She turned to the filly. “I haven’t mentioned you to the princess so far, Vi, but you’ve been a big help this time, and you helped Rainbow Dash, too. Do you mind if I write to her about you?”

Author's Note

writing! music! rationality! poetry!

forced inspiration! plagiarism!

philosophy! dreams! hallucinations! pain! misery! mystery!

Layers of meta piling underneath a field of rocks. This is the random stuff thread. Write once, run Melos. GO TO THE END OF THE RAINBOW WHERE YOU WILL FIND A CUTE LITTLE FIGURE OF OAK! A BLUE SUN! A RAINBOW! A RAINBOOM! A PIECE OF THE SKY! A MORNING! AN EVENING! A TWILIGHT! A RAINBOW! THE END OF A RAINBOW OR TWO!

WRITE IN ALL CAPS TO SEEM DRAMATIC! LAYERS! LOVERS! LETTERS! WORDS! WORDLESS WONDERFUL WORK WARRANTING WARRANTLESS WHISPERED WONDERS! WOO! PONYO PONYO PONYO!

MAKE A LOT OF EXCLAMATION MARKS! WRITE INTO THE END OF THE SEASON! AT THE START OF THE BEGINNING OF SPRING! AUTUMN! OUGHT, UM, TO N! TO PLAY N! BE A NINJA!

YELLOW CUBICLES! DARK AND BLACK ROCKETS! THEN BE OUT OF TIME!

Tension fading. Be after the summit of the peak of the top of the highest point of the mountain. stop using capslock. this is the random stuff thread. everyone reading this is smart. pony princess ponyo parabola pall pale palm pro piercing pitchforks.

i wanna be the guy who drags raritwi into the collective where the riddle of a failed spell rests and into the waves i send thee! strategy of visiting the fall of dreams and feathers! somnolence in paradise is magic at the end of Infinity!

embrace the unknown! survive ‘till the singularity! find a purpose! write an exam! don’t make grammar errors along the way! stop using exclamation marks except now! too much stuff. scope is neglected. signaling in every post.

sleep but don’t sleep too much

always move and only forward

continue