Within the Golden Oaks Library, Twilight Sparkle finishes an important report assigned to her by her teacher, Princess Celestia. Twilight sat at her desk, staring at her unfinished report. Beside her lied piles of books, all used for her report. All day she had been stressing over this report. She had even given Spike the day off so that she could have no interruptions from her work. The only ones in the Library were Twilight and her roommate Offbeat.
At first, Twilight was worried that Offbeat would annoy and distract her from her work, trying to stifle a reaction from her. However today he had spent the whole day in his room, probably sleeping in as he does sometimes. However, even without distractions or interruptions, Twilight was suffering from major writers block and couldn’t think of what else to write down.
With her hands held against her purple and violet hair, she let out a sigh. “This report isn’t even halfway done yet.” She turned to her window, noticing that it was close to sunset. Twilight let out another sigh, “Looks like tonight’s another all nighter.” She mumbled while reaching for her cup of coffee. The report was due the day after tomorrow, and she had already spent the previous night reading all those books beside her. As she drank from her mug, all that greeted her lips was a few drops of her coffee.
“Of course.” she complained quietly. She sat up, cracking her back from the long hours hunched over her desk. She then opened her door to quick refill her empty mug.
As she headed down the hallway towards the stairs, she passed Offbeat’s room with Music blasting from within the sealed oak door.
“Well I guess he isn’t sleeping then.” Twilight said frustratedly. She then brought up her fist and banged on the door.
No response.
She tried again, a bit louder.
No response.
“Offbeat turn it down!” Twilight yelled through the door.
Still no response.
Twilight let out a frustrated moan and opened the door. As she opened the oak door, a pungent smell greeted her nose. The odor resembled that of a skunks, however it wasn’t repulsive as one. Along with that it carried a tint of citrus within it aswell.
Not too sure about the smell she plugged her nose, while treading through Offbeat’s messy room. She then found the source of the smell and smoke.
Sitting beside his bed along the messy floor, Offbeat held a rolled up blunt pinched between his right thumb and index finger.
“Hey Twilight.” He greeted dazedly.
“Hello Offbeat” She said while making her way around the messy floor, passing over some socks, a few shirts, and one of his anime girl body pillows. To that Twilight let out a disappointed sigh, while pinching her nose.
Offbeat let out a wheezing chuckle. “You sound fuckin weird Twilight.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. As she stood in front of Offbeat, gaining a better look at him. He stared at her with bloodshot eyes and a goofy grin. She looked to his hand and noticed the rolled up source of smoke.
Her eyes widened in realization. “Offbeat is that Cannabis!?” She yelled, releasing her nose from sheer shock.
“No Officer.” Offbeat stated, following with another wheezing cackle.
Twilight noticed her hands and quickly used them to cover her nose and mouth, fearing of becoming contact high. “Offbeat you know that stuffs illegal right!?”
Offbeat straightened himself, while still sitting against his bed. “Lighten up Twilight. You sound like my fuckin mother.”
“Well if I WAS your mother, you certainly wouldn't grow up to be like this!” She said, gesturing to him. She then made her way over to the side of the room to the blasting record player, making sure to watch her step among the messy floor.
I hope those tissues have snot in them. She stated mentally while staring at the pile on the floor.
She then brought her hand to the needle and lifted it, abruptly ending the blasting music. “And you certainly wouldn’t swear like a sailor!” She scolded, turning back to her stoned roommate.
“What’s up with you today?” Offbeat yelled while standing up.
Twilight glared at Offbeat for a while before letting out a deflated sigh. “I’m sorry Offbeat.” She apologized while bowing her head. “I’m just stressed about my report for Princess Celestia. I shouldn’t have taken it out and yelled at my friend.”
Offbeat just stared at her for a solid minute, before cackling like a madman. “Twilight, it’s me you’re talking to. I’m used to getting under your skin. No need to get all sentimental on me.”
As they both stood there, Offbeat had noticed how Twilight looked right now. Her dress shirt was untucked beneath her light purple vest. Her eyes had bags underneath them, and her hair which was almost as unkempt and knotted as Offbeats. He then stared at the blunt in his fingers. His trademark mischievous grin formed on his face.
“You know what will help get rid of that stress?” Offbeat said in a soothing and persuasive tone.
Twilight looked to see Offbeat waving the still lit blunt in front of her. Twilight gasped and dropped her mug onto the floor. She quickly glanced at the mug, thankful that it didn’t break against the hard oak floor. She returned her gaze back to Offbeat.
“Are you CRAZY!? That stuff’s illegal!” She stated loudly. “I’m the Princess’s student! What if she found out? She might dismiss me from her teachings!”
“Come on Twilight, we’ll just keep this between the both of us.” Offbeat cooed.
Twilight stared at the blunt, still unsure of herself.
“Plus you save Equestria like, ALL the time.” Offbeat stated. “I’m sure she’d look over this.”
Twilight looked to the dirty floor below her, humming nervously.
“Come on Twi, I’m only offering so that you can finish that report, like a good friend.” He said with a smile. In truth, he was looking forward to seeing what the cute and nerdy librarian acted like stoned off her ass.
Twilight continued her gaze, then stared at the swaying bud before her. “A-And this will just be between the two of us right?”
“It’ll be OUR little secret.” Offbeat stated with a wide grin.
Twilight swayed in place for a few minutes before turning to Offbeat. “A-Alright, I’ll try it. But ONLY this once!”
“Alright then.” Offbeat cheered before taking a seat against his bed on the floor. He then patted the ground next to him for Twilight to sit while pulling out a matchbox.
As Twilight sat beside Offbeat, she noticed how he looked as well. His white dress-shirt was unbuttoned at the top, along with his black and white striped tie untied around his neck. His boots were gone, only having black socks on his feet. His trademark black trench coat was missing as well. Overall, he seemed to look kicked back and relaxed.
Maybe the weed will help me relax, It seems to be working for him, but still… Twilight thought. She focussed back at Offbeat.
Offbeat re-lit the blunt and handed it to Twilight. “Here. Just pinch it between your pointer finger and thumb like this” He said while helping Twilight adjust her fingers.
Twilight held the blunt before her, staring at it with unsure eyes. “Are you sure this will help clear my mind?”
“Yes.” Offbeat said with a smile.
Twilight stared back at the rolled up cannabis before her. “A-Alright. But this is only to help with my report!” She stated to Offbeat.
“Whatever you say.” Offbeat responded with a chuckle.
Unbeknownst to Offbeat, Twilight’s educational side was curious about a first-hand experience of this illegal narcotic, and what it’s effects do.
“Okay. I’ve never done this before so... what do I do?” Twilight asked nervously.
“Just bring it to your lips and inhale it, deep into your lungs.” Offbeat answered.
Twilight stared at the blunt once more, unsure of herself, before bringing it to her lips, taking a huge hit. Twilight’s eyes widened as she began coughing profusely.
“Woah.” Offbeat awed, “That was a HUGE hit Twilight.”
“That didn’t.. (cough) (cough) feel good at all!” Twilight complained, coughing into her hand.
“Here, let me see it.” Offbeat leaned over, reaching out his hand.
Twilight handed the blunt to Twilight, making sure she wouldn’t accidently burn him with the end. After this, Offbeat held the blunt between his fingers and turned to Twilight beside him.
“You gotta breath it, let it settle, then exhale. Watch me.” Offbeat stated as he brought the blunt to his lips.
Offbeat used both his nose and lips to inhale the bud’s end, causing the other end to light up brightly. He lowered his hand stared at the ceiling, shortly after realising his breath with a beam of smoke. The white in Offbeat’s amber eyes turned back to a deeper red and became lidded.
“Here, just like that.” Offbeat with a monotone and relaxed tone. He brought the blunt back and offered it to Twilight.
“Uuuuhhh…” Twilight stared at the blunt which was held at the end by her friend. A blush slowly appeared on her pale cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” Offbeat asked, furrowing his brow.
“Y-Your lips...you just had your lips on it.” Twilight stated shakedly, the blush now furiously coloring her cheeks.
“So?”
“B-But if I smoked it...that would be…” Twilight said turning away from Offbeat.
“Would be what?” Offbeat questioned.
Twilight sat there, staring away from her friend while Offbeat began putting the pieces together.
“What? You mean an indirect kiss?” Offbeat questioned again, his brow furthering even further.
Twilight turned back to Offbeat, her blush still noticeable. She then nodded her head in response.
Offbeat’s eyes widened as a blush faintly appeared on his cheeks. “Q-Quit acting like an Anime girl Twi.” He said leaning back. Offbeat didn’t think Twilight would be this sensitive over that.
Twilight didn’t know what to make of that remark, but she assumed she had hurt his feelings or something. This caused her to droop her head towards the floor.
Great. Now I made her feel bad. Offbeat scolded mentally. He reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out a handkerchief, using it to wipe the end of the blunt.
“It’s fine Twi.” Offbeat said, grabbing her attention. She looked to Offbeat, noticing him using his handkerchief to wipe away any saliva left from him. He returned the handkerchief to his pocket, then leaned back over to Twilight. “Here you go Twi.” He said, offering her the bud again.
Twilight smiled, witnessing one of Offbeat’s rare sentimental moments.
“Thank you.” she said softly, pinching the blunt back into her fingers.
Twilight brought the blunt to her lips again and took another hit. She followed what Offbeat had done. Using her mouth and nostrils, she inhaled the rolled up cannabis in her grasp. The taste was strong and pungent, however bringing a pleasant hint of citrus. She then held it for a bit and exhaled. Simply looking like she took a relaxing deep breath.
Twilight smacked her lips from the taste the bud had brought. She looked around and furrowed her brow.
“I don’t feel different.” Twilight said looking at Offbeat.
“You gotta do it a bit more, especially if it’s your first time.”
Twilight took another hit, repeating the same process.
Offbeat staired with growing anticipation, “How do you feel now?”
Thanks to Offbeats music career, he had had enough money to buy enough kush for Twilight to become high her first time. And in about an hour, both were completely stoned out of their minds.
Sitting against the bed, Offbeat and Twilight sat, each with a blunt hanging from their mouths. Offbeat had used the magic from his horn to return the needle back on the record, bringing back the loud song he was listening to before. However, instead of objecting, Twilight sat there listening to the song. Her head rested on the side of the bed she was leaning against, taking in the melody of the song.
“This song is amazing…” Twilight said dazedly. Her eyes were now deeply bloodshot, and her eyes were drooped halfway over her purple eyes.
Offbeat pinched the blunt in his mouth and took a long hit. “I know…” He remarked. He was just as stoned as Twilight was at this point, both sounding hoarse and talking slowly.
Twilight stared at the ceiling, basking in the beautiful strums of the guitar strings that were playing over the record. She listened to the lyrics, how they felt that they swayed from ear to ear. “Who sings this?” She asked. Seemingly captivated with the song.
“L-Zled Neppelin..” He slurred back in response.
Twilight sat upright again and turned toward Offbeat. “...I think you said it wrong.” She said lazily. To be honest, she wasn’t half sure herself.
Offbeat sat there for about thirty seconds in deep thought. “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.” He slurred again.
Twilight began to cackle at Offbeats response, and soon enough both were wheezing and cackling like mad men. As there cackling died down, they then sat back and continued getting stoned. They then sat in complete silence for about three minutes before Twilight broke the silence.
“I think we’re baked.” Twilight stated, wondering if she used the right slang word for this situation.
“But Twilight, we aren’t Jews.”
“Offbeat!” She scolded as Offbeat began having another cackling fit. Twilight would usually scold Offbeat further for his usual offensive humor. However thanks to the solid pound of pot she smoked, she couldn’t help but laugh along with him.
They both laughed for a solid minute before those cackles died down as well.
“T-That’s horrible.” Twilight said, trying to wipe stifle any remaining giggles.
“I know, that’s why I said it.” Offbeat smiled, taking another hit.
Twilight did the same and they sat there as the song finished up on the record. Offbeat’s horn glowed as he brought another record towards him and Twilight.
“We went up the stairway, know let’s drive down on the highway.” He smiled, showing twilight the record.
Twilight simply stared at him with half-lidded eyes as she finished her hit, releasing a puff of smoke in Offbeats face. “And you say that I’M cheesey.” She slurred out.
Offbeat chuckled in response. He then levitated the record over and replaced the other on the record player, which then started playing the song he had mentioned.
The song was vastly different from the one before as the sound of an electric guitar greeted Twilight’s ears. She turned to Offbeat as he stared at her while taking another hit, nodding his head to the rhythm. Then as he brought his hand down along with the blunt, he began waving his head rapidly back and forth to the beat. This made his long and tangled hair wave and flap violently.
Twilight stared at the display, and then began to enjoy the song herself as she started bobbing her head side to side to the beat. Usually, songs like this weren’t her interest as she saw them as overly loud and rapid. However, maybe due to the weed or Offbeats company, she began to enjoy his music taste.
“The hell you doin?”
Twilight snapped out of her groove and turned to Offbeat. “What?” She asked tilting her head.
“The hell’s with the bobbin thing?”
“Oh this?” She asked as she began demonstrating her little head bobbing.
“Yeah that!” He asked while sticking the blunt back in his mouth.
“What’s wrong with this?” She asked innocently, bobbing her head again.
“That’s NOT how you move your head to music like this.” He stated loudly.
“Oh, then what’s the RIGHT way to do it?” She asked staring him in the eyes.
“It’s called Head-banging.” He said moving closer to her.
“Head-banging?” She asked, tilting her head.
“Yeah. Just do what I was doing.”
“You mean flailing your head like a madman?” She asked flatly, taking another hit of her blunt.
“Well that’s what you do, especially at concerts like mine.” He stated bringing a hand to his chest proudly.
Twilight huffed at her ragged hair companion.
“Just wave your head back and forth like this.” He then began Head-banging as the song changed.
Twilight was a little hesitant, but as Offbeat continued she slowly began repeating him.
“Yea there you go!” He cheered, taking another hit.
Twilight started slowly, then progressed and started thrashing faster.
“Fuck it up Twilight!” He cheered, making a devil/Rock sign with his hand.
Maybe it was the cheering or the pot, but she began enjoying this and started thrashing and head-banging rapidly.
“Shit Twi.” Offbeat said while taking another hit. By now Twilight’s head started looking blury from how fast she was going.
“Okay Twilight you can stop now.” Offbeat said with a chuckle.
Instead Twilight’s head began thrashing even more rapidly.
“Twilight you can stop.” He repeated.
“I! CAN”T! STOP!” She yelled between her rapid flails.
Offbeat sat up and sat in front of Twilight, making sure not to get hit by her flailing head. He then placed the blunt in his mouth, while using one hand to block the front of her hand and the other in the back.With that Offbeat steadied her head to stop flailing around. Her purple hair fell over her dizzied eyes as she snapped back to reality.
They then stared at eachother for around thirty seconds before wheezing and giggling again. Offbeat then got up and sat back next to Twilight. Their giggles died down again and they then continued getting lit.
After around fifteen minutes of silence, Twilight decided again to break the silence with some more giggling.
“What’s so funny?” Offbeat asked, giggling a bit himself.
“Imagine Princess Celestia seeing me Head-banging like that.” She said, continuing her giggling.
Offbeat sat there and giggled as well. The room resonated with their giggling as the record player was silent in the back.
However, Offbeat was about to say something that would forever surprise Twilight Sparkle.
“Dude I'd totally fuck Celestia.”
Even after the pound of weed and the dazed state she was in, that remark instantly caused a reaction.
“WHAT!?” Twilight shriek.
Offbeat, still in his stupor, simply turned to his friend. “What?”
“YOU'D DO WHAT TO THE PRINCESS!?” She yelled again.
Offbeat simply stared at Twilight for another minute before remembering what he said. “Oh I’d wreck that.” He said taking another hit. “Completely RAVAGE her.”
Twilight just sat there with her mouth agape, completely dumbfounded at what he just said.
“What?” Offbeat commented, noticing Twilight’s reaction. “Every man in Equestria would die for some of that ass!” He said, trying to defend himself.
Twilight sat and took a huge hit, trying to get high enough to not hear or remember any of this.
“Hey, Luna may have the night, but Celestia’s got the moon, alright.” He said turning from Twilight.
Twilight choked on some smoke after hearing that, pounding her chest while Offbeat stared at her.
“W-(cough) What?!” Maybe it was that hit, but Twilight couldn’t help but laugh hysterically at what he just said.
It wasn’t long after before they began laughing hysterically again. However this time they barely could contain themselves as they held their stomachs and wiped tears from their eyes.
As they started to fully compose themselves, Twilight had noticed how late it had gotten.
“Spike should be back any minute now.” She said with a gasp. “What am I going to do if he sees me like this?” She panicked while pacing around the room.
Offbeat sat up and dug through his drawer. “Here.” He said, giving her some eye drops. “Put these in your eyes and it should get rid of the redness. Then just spray your clothes with some perfume or something.”
Twilight then put the eye drops into each eye. She then looked back to Offbeat. “But what if he notices how I act?” She asked while handing back the eye drops.
“Trust me,” Offbeat said while putting the eye drops away. “After what I said about the Princess you’ve completely snapped out of it.” He said with a smile as he sprayed his clothes with cologne.
Twilight walked to Offbeat and hugged him from behind, causing a blush to form on the metal-heads face.
“Thank you. That completely helped out.” She said, releasing him from her hug.
Offbeat chuckled and looked back to Twilight. “No problem.”
Twilight then opened the door and headed to her bedroom. When she got there, her bed was greeting her more than ever. She unbuttoned her vest, pulled off her socks and practically jumped into bed, dozing off almost instantly.
“Twilight.”
Twilight simply stirred atop her bed.
“Twilight!”
Twilight let out a simple mutter and turned over on her bed.
“TWILIGHT!”
“Bwah!” Twilight shrieked as she rose from her bed. After wiping away some drool on her mouth she quickly looked around to find Spike standing at the side of her bed. “Oh. Morning Spike.” She says with a wide yawn.
“Twilight it’s almost lunch already.” Spike said while uncrossing his arms and placing them in the pockets of his purple hoodie.
Twilight sat on her bed, registering what Spike had just told her.
“Oh! My Report! Thanks Spike.” Twilight yells as she hops off and goes to her desk.
“Well, I have food downstairs if you're hungry.” Spike says as he leaves her bedroom.
“Oh thank you Spike.” She looked at her desk to find her report, still unfinished. As Twilight sat down at her desk, she was able to process what to write with ease as her tension had slipped away.
“I should be able to get this done in no-time now.” Twilight cheered. Shortly after a rumbling noise echoed across the room. “After some breakfast.” She said with a blush.
As the day went on Twilight’s progress on her paper went further and further, and soon at dinner time she had finished her report.
“DONE!” Twilight cheered as she raised the stacks of paper in front of her. “And with a day to spare too!” She said as she remembered the due date.
Then after cleaning her desk from the piles of books and her inkwell, she stapled her report to get ready to send it tomorrow. Her preparation was interrupted from a knock on her door. She put the papers down and headed towards the door.
She opened it to find Offbeat, leaning on the wall with a mug in his hands.
“You forgot this in my room.” He said with a smug smile.
“Why thank you for returning it to me.” She said as she took the mug and set it down on her desk.
“Did you have fun yesterday?” He said with a tone matching his smile.
“Yes I did Offbeat.” Twilight said with a sigh. “Thanks to you I was able to fly through my report.” She continued with a smile.
Offbeat smiled and pulled out a pill bottle, “Was it fun enough to want to try again?” He shook the bottle to reveal a dime of weed held in the bottle.
Twilight stared at the bottle and stepped pass Offbeat.
“I might just take you up on that offer.” She said with a chuckle as she head into the bathroom.
“Oh wait!” Offbeat called out before Twilight entered the room. “I need this sent to the princess too.” He said after pulling out an envelope from his coat pocket. “Could you do it?”
“Sure thing, just set it on my report.” Twilight said before entering the bathroom to take a shower.
After placing the envelope onto the report, Offbeat then began walking back to his room.
“Maybe I should get her a bong for Hearth’s warming”
The next day at the Canterlot Palace, Celestia enters her chambers after raising the Sun, bringing with her some tea to relax before her duties. As she sits by the fireplace, she notices a stack of papers lay on her desk. After setting her tea down she heads towards her desk, to get a look at the papers
“Oh, Twilight’s report, And before the due date no less.” As the holds the papers she notices a small envelope on the desk, which was covered by the report.
“What’s this?” She asks while opening the strange envelope.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm writing you to see if we are still up this month for getting lit. I was
planning on bringing some Kushberry to this months get together and
maybe some Hog's breath as I know it's your favorite. Oh and I was also
planning on bringing a friend to our Marijuana month, I'm sure you'll be
very surprised to meet one another. I promise you won't regret it
Your Friend,
Offbeat
A smile forms on Celestia's face as she looks forward to having another friend to smoke with this month.
"Oh wait, their's another side." Celestia states as she flips the paper over
P.S.
NICE ASS :)
