Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and A House Centipede

by Vertigo22

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life
Length: 2294

Princess Luna encounters a house centipede in her bedroom.

After a long night of work, Princess Luna goes back to her bedroom, only to find a house centipede near her nightstand. Naturally, she handles the situation as most ponies wouldn't, and brings it to her sister.

Reading by Wolf newman.

Published 2016-12-03 18:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-03 18:00:01 UTC

The Battle of the Millennium

On a warm, Summer evening, in the bed chambers of Princess Luna, in the corner near a nightstand, was a small, yellowish brown creature with numerous legs, along with two large antenna stretched out from its small head.

A house centipede.

It was motionless, alert, and devilishly hideous.

It also had its eyes on its dinner.

Near the wall was a cockroach. It too was motionless, and unaware of the house centipedes presence.

“Geez, what a day!”

That is, until Princess Luna came in.

The roach quickly scurried into a crack in Luna's wall, much to the centipedes dismay. Instead, it was greeted to something much more…

Royal.

“Aren’t you just the cutest little thing!” Luna squealed as she lay eyes on the myriapod—which seemed indifferent to the alicorn's glee towards its normally unwanted presence. “Where in the world did you come from?”

The centipede, as with any creature which holds the secrets to life—being rivaled only by trees and teddy bears—remained silent and darted away from Luna, who reacted as only Luna could.

“I’m going to keep you as a pet!” she beamed. “Come! We have much to do tonight!”

The lonesome centipede tried to fight the alicorn's levitation magic before giving up and simply resting in her warm coat.

Deep down, however, it longed for the kitchen it came from. That is, until Celestia waged war on the centipedes would-be dinner of a cockroach.

Days this dark were unprecedented for house centipedes.

“Oh, I can't wait to show you all around the castle!” Luna said, her voice full of more glee than that of a foal in a toy store. “Come! You must see our throne room! Especially before the morning janitor comes by to shine it.”

The centipede—like a foal trying to escape chores—scurried down Luna's left hind leg and onto the royal hallway carpet. It hurried away from Luna and made its way towards a crack in the wall.

Only to once again get caught by Luna's magic.

“I know you want to run around, but you're with me now!” she said as she rested the centipede in her mane. “Now, if you flee again, I'm going to have to put you in a little container.”

The centipede didn't respond. Mainly because it was a centipede.

The other, much more insignificant reason, the fact that Luna's mane reminded it of a basement with its darkness. It was almost like home, except nopony was trying to squish it with a two by four.

“And then I'll show you where I have my daily meetings about politics!”

Although, the babbling mare was new.

“Anyways, we're here!” Luna said as she walked into the throne room and lit her horn up so she could see. “The great part about this time of night is the guards are changing shifts, so nopony will try to squish you,” she said as she levitated the house centipede out of her mane and rested it on the floor. “Go explore!”

The centipede might've been in awe if it could see more than just the carpet.

Alas, such is the life of a one inch long creature most scream when they lay their eyes on it.

The many legged terror of many house owners made its towards a nearby column and stopped as it reached it.

For mere inches away was, once again, its dinner.

Another cockroach.

Princess Luna, much like her sister, reacted in a way that only a princess could, and let out a scream before she ran to the corner of the room and hid there.

Celestia would be proud.

Meanwhile, the centipede shifted its attention towards the mortal enemy of Celestia and Luna before it made its merry way towards it and grabbed onto the six legged terror of Equus. It slammed its glorious (and tiny) fangs into the roach until it was as dead as dead could be.

Truly, these once dark days were becoming as bright as the morning sun.

The same couldn't be said for the roach, though.

The house centipede began to feast on its dinner as Luna slowly trotted over, her heart racing at a speed on par with a meteor and anypony who's just had a ghost pepper.

“You… eat those things?” Luna asked hesitantly.

The centipede continued to eat the roach, far too content with its long overdue dinner to even pretend to pay attention to the princesses inquiry.

Luna's eyes lit up with joy. She let out a squeal before she jumped around with happiness. “I must inform Celestia about this!” She levitated the centipede into her back—much to the anger of the centipede—and ran towards her sister's room, where she happily walked through the door and nudged her sister awake. “Sister, I've discovered a cure for our roach infestation!”

Celestia slowly opened her eyes and let out a yawn. “W-what is it, Luna?” she asked as she looked up at her sister, who had a smile so large, it'd make Pinkie Pie jealous. “Did you finally find an exterminator who isn't asking for half of our treasury as payment?”

Luna shook her head. “No! Even better!” She levitated the house centipede in front of Celestia. “Behold!” she exclaimed as the myriapod dangled in front of Celestia's invisible ‘personal space’ barrier.

Celestia's eyes widened to a size that would register a gravitational pull. She screamed as she leaped up and ran to the corner of the room. “It’s hideous!”

Luna rolled her eyes and rested the centipede on the floor. “It's harmless,” she said with a large smile. “Besides, at least it isn't as ugly as those roaches!”

“It's even uglier!”

Luna frowned. “It's beautiful!” she protested. “Hold your hoof out and see! It didn't bite me once.”

Celestia bit her bottom lip and held her hoof out towards the centipede as she shook so violently, it'd register on the Richter scale.

The centipede make its way towards the princess of the sun's hoof and looked at it. After a moment, it made its way up and into her coat.

And bit her.

“Yee-ouch!” Celestia shrieked. She levitated the centipede off of her leg and threw it onto her bed. She looked at her leg and noticed a slight bit of swelling. “You said it was harmless!”

Luna giggled. “It must've gotten spooked by your leg shaking,” she said. “Don't worry, I'm almost certain it isn't dangerous to alicorns!”

Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Now, the truth?”

Luna's eyes darted back and forth like two ping pong balls. “I'm… eight percent sure it won't kill you slowly,” she said with a sheepish smile. “But that's besides the point!”

Celestia folded her forehooves and raised a regal eyebrow. “Then what is your point, Lulu?”

“Well, I watched as that little fellow-” Luna pointed to the house centipede, which was still on Celestia's bed, enjoying the coziness of the pure cotton blanket- “attack and kill a cockroach in our throne room!”

Celestia's frown slowly turned into a smile. “Go on…”

“I bet if we got a bunch more of these little guys, we could get rid of the roaches no problem!” Luna beamed.

And, just as quickly, the princess of the sun’s sunny smile turned back into a frown that could make a clown cry itself to sleep. “Luna, if we get a bunch of those centipedes,” Celestia said, “what's stopping us from having to deal with an infestation of them?”

“Um…” Luna tapped her chin before she let out a heavy sigh. “I don't know.”

Celestia's grown faded. She walked up to her little sister's side and wrapped a leg around her. “Want me to give your plan a chance?” she asked softly.

Luna looked up and gave a smile so bright that it could be mistaken for a star that went supernova. “Will you really!?”

Celestia—somehow not blind—nodded and smiled back. “Yes, really,” she said. “However, we're only using your little friend over there,” she said as she pointed a hoof over at her bed and looked back over at it.

Only to see that the house centipede had vanished.

Celestia gasped. “Where is it, Luna!?” she asked, her heart racing at a speed rivaled only by the speed at which it raced the previous morning. “Is it on me!?”

Luna stared blankly at her sister. “Sister, it's… on your pillow,” she deadpanned as she silently questioned how her sister ever survived without her in the millennium she was banished.

Celestia narrowed her eyes and saw that, indeed, the centipede was rested on her pillow.

And it was enjoying a snack.

“Uh, Luna,” Celestia said quietly. “Is your new friend eating a cockroach on my favorite pillow?”

Luna merely nodded.

Celestia inhaled deeply and let out a heavy sigh. “You owe me a new pillow,” she said. “And a new blanket.”

Luna didn't say anything back. Rather, her eyes were rested on what was behind the pillow.

Three cockroaches were huddled under the pillow. No doubt planning their escape from the evil myriapod that was eating their fellow brethren above.

“Sister?” Luna nudged Celestia and gestured to her once favorite pillow. “I, uh, don't mean to alarm you, but there are some…”

“I was sleeping on roaches, wasn't I?”

“Mhm.”

Celestia fell backwards and let out a heavy groan. “Let me lay here, and go squash the three roaches under my pillow.”

Luna rolled her eyes and levitated the pillow away.

Only for the three insects to flee in separate directions.

“Oops,” Luna said. “I, uh…”

Celestia shot up, her eyes now as wide as the sun. “What did you do?” she asked as her heart once again began to race once more. She grabbed Luna's shoulders and shook her. “Luna! Where are the damn roaches!?”

“They, um, ran away,” Luna replied; a look of nervousness on her face. “I…” Her eyes darted around until they landed on one of the monstrosities, which was happily crawling across the floor. “There's one!”

Celestia spun around and levitated over a book—which bore the title How To Stay Awake During Yearly Summits—and dropped it on the roach.

All two thousand, five hundred and eighty pages of it.

A sickening crunch came from beneath the behemoth of a book, much to Celestia's delight. “There, that's one!” she said as she looked at her sister, who bore a facial expression that fell somewhere between ‘shocked’ and ‘I really need to borrow that book’.

After a few seconds, Luna finally shook her head and said, “Okay, well, I found the second.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Where is it?”

Luna pointed to her sister's mane. “It appears to believe your mane is food,” she said. “That or it wishes to lay eggs up there.”

Celestia's eyes widened. She let out a scream so loud that ponies in the Crystal empire believed it to be a sign of the end of days.

That, or Flurry Heart stubbed her hoof.

“Get it out, Luna!” Celestia cried as she ran around like a chicken without a head. “Before it lays eggs inside me!”

Luna rolled her eyes and levitated the roach out of her sister's mane.

But, like her sister the previous morning, realized what she'd just done.

And dropped it before cowering in the corner once more.

“Lulu, why did you-”

“This beast is more foul than thyself when we were Nightmare Moon!” Luna yelled in the Royal Canterlot Voice; a look of pure horror on her face.

Celestia's eyes widened to the point that they bordered on imploding. She levitated over a jewelry box and dropped it in the roach.

Crunch!

Dozens of priceless jewels scattered across the floor as Celestia walked over to her sister. “Uh, Lulu, you didn't really mean that, did you?” she asked.

Luna shook her head. “No, I… just say really dumb stuff when I get scared,” she said sheepishly. “Say, weren't there three of these things?”

As if on cue, the sound of something small, ugly, and invulnerable to magic came from around them, only to stop inches away.

The two sisters turned their to the floor to see the third, and final, cockroach look up at them, a nonchalant expression on its face, which neither could actually see.

Celestia and Luna hugged each other as the roach closed in on them. Truly these were the end of days for them.

Or it would’ve been had a house centipede not come along and attacked the roach.

The two sisters gasped at the sight of their small, hideous, multi-legged savior as it bit down in its late night snack, oblivious to the cheering of the two princesses.

“Oh, thank you, little guy!” Luna squealed.

The house centipede didn't respond, too satisfied with its meal. It did, however, have an issue with the shaking of the ground from the princesses bouncing around it.

“So, dear sister,” Luna said as she stopped bouncing. “Shall we begin our fight to clear the infestation tomorrow?”

Celestia stopped bouncing herself. “Yes. We shall drive these hideous creatures from our castle first thing in the morning!” she said with a look of determination on her face. “For now, however, let's keep bouncing! This is fun!”

The house centipede—still lacking the ability to protest the violent shaking—scurried away to someplace less… shaky, and sadly left behind its meal.

Oh well, at least it had something else to eat before the quaking began.

However, from within another small crack in the wall, a familiar cockroach looked out at the celebrating princesses. Its eyes, once filled with gluttony, were now filled with wrath.

And behind it were dozens upon dozens of pairs of eyes.

Author's Note

Next up: something truly crazy! Tell me if you'd like to see it! :twilightsmile: