My life in Wood

by LazyPone

Rating: mature
Tags: Sad, Other, Princess Luna, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 7749

Another HiE, but with somewhat of a twist.

What would you do if you found yourself as the leader of a pack of wooden wolves?

That's a question I ask myself a lot. I guess that's what's keeping me together.

'Cause really, how is any normal human being able to cope with the lone fact that you passed out without realizing it, and then wake up in a downright alien body. With more of those alien things looking to you for guidance?

Published 2016-12-13 09:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-02-10 03:17:39 UTC

Struggles

A few howls sound off in the distance. My hunters found game.

I let out a powerful howl. Letting my hunters know I’m on my way. I leave my den and my bitches, and spare a few looks to my pups. I have to look proud, I need to look strong in front of them. I didn’t become alpha for nothing.

I don’t think it helps that we’ve been running low on food lately.

I howl one more time before I left my den. I bulldoze through the thick, dark foliage that makes up my territory. Even though there were trees as thick as monster truck tires, vines that hung like thick curtains, and grass and bushes so thick it makes it nearly impossible to navigate. Despite all the obstacles, I easily and nimbly made my way to the hunters of my pack.

I make to them in no time and set my sights on their catch.

You have got to be kidding me…

A low growl leaves my wooden throat. They’ve cornered those ponies, again.

How many fucking times do I have to tell them not to go after fucking ponies!?

“Idiots!” I growl out. “I’ve told you, no fucking ponies!” I bark. My hunters wilt under my fiery gaze. “Go look for actual food!” I snap, my hunters turn tail and bolt off. I sigh and turn to the ponies. One is a yellow regular pony, one’s a orange pegasus, and one’s a white unicorn. And they looked they were young. “Come, I will take you three home.” It’s also really sad this isn’t the first time these specific three in the forest. Do they really want to stop living, or are they really that stupid?

“Why do you three keep coming to this forest?” I asked. “This isn’t the first time my hunters have found you three.” I turn to them.

Oh fuck me. I forgot they never heard me talk.

“Ya can talk!?” The yellow pony gawked. The other two just stared in silent shock.

“Yes, I can talk.” I said, a little annoyed.

“But, yer a timberwolf!” She shouted. I grunted and shot a snort her way.

“And that means?” I snapped back, they shut up. “Ugh, ponies.” I sigh and turn my attention back to the path I started walking on, still mumbling obscenities about ponies. I didn’t bother to look behind me to see if the ponies were following. I’ve escorted these three and many others out my part of the forest many times before, this time being different since I spoke to them. They know they’re literally out of their elements when they have a being like me leading them out of the fucking place.

And if those three ponies aren’t following me… Ugh… god have mercy on them.

I hear hoofsteps behind me, good. They’re at least that smart.

“... Why are ya helpin’ us?” Lemon asked.

“I don’t eat ponies. Too much trouble.” Came my emotionless response.

“Hey! What do you mean ‘too much trouble’?!” Orange asked in that little annoying scratching voice of hers. I’ve learned I can distinguish between genders just buy looking for eyelashes. Or their muzzles, either make a good distinguishing trait.

“I mean if I or either one of my pack eat any of you. Your kind will lose their fucking minds and start a hunt to wipe us out.” I said. God, I hope that shuts them up. “Just be fucking happy I didn’t let my hunters take you three in.” I gripe. “My pack’s already in enough trouble on our own.” I grumbled.

Just a little longer and they’ll be gone for a little while.

I thought to myself. Them being gone for any period of time will do wonders for my grating sanity. I already have enough on my plate as it is.

“Fuckin’ ponies...” I grumble.

“Hey...” I find my wooden head swiveling to the white one. “Why do you say that? We’re not all troublesome.” She meekly retreated.

“I’m going to assume you three are pretty young. And that your parents haven’t told you much of the real world.” I turn my head back around. If there was anything I would not have on my list things to do. It would be telling three young ponies that the world I woke up too, was as a shit-hole, a giant shitstain on the piece of dirt I call home.

“What was that supposed to mean?” Yellow asked.

“There are things kids like you shouldn't know yet.” I said without looking back at them.

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Orange asked in a challenging tone.

“Like I can easily chomp down all three of necks like biting into licorice.”

The three of them gulped audibly.

“Again. Be fucking happy I’m taking you out of my forest.” I reiterated.

I walked in silence for a what felt like hours, but at some point I got to the edge of my territory. Which just so happened to face the little settlement these three lived in.

I end up here way too often. I don’t like being close to any of these pony settlements.

“Alright, we’re here.” I droned. “You three can go back home now.” I nodded towards the buildings. “And please, for your sake. Stay out of this fucking place.” I turned around and started walking back to a more comfortable distance from the edge of my forest. I was already looking for prey when I heard one of them call out.

“Thank you!” It was Marshmallow. And I didn’t bother to respond. That better be the last time I see them, or any ponies, in my territory. They better spread the word.

But, whatever, if some pony comes wandering into my territory, it’s literally their funeral at this point; I have mouths to feed...

Ugh, knowing my luck, they’re going after me after those three tell others what happened to them.

“Ya what!?”

“Applejack please! Listen!”

“No! What did Ah tell ya ‘bout goin’ in the Everfree!? Ya’ll could’ve gotten yerselves killed out there!”

“But-”

“No! I ain’t havin’ none of your excuses! Big Mac!”

“Yup?”

“Keen n’ eye on these fillies while Ah get Rarity n’ Rainbow. They’re in a heaping load o’ trouble.”

“Alright.”

“What is wrong with them fillies…” Applejack muttered to herself. She'd been making her way towards Rarity’s when she began talking to herself. “N’ all the nonsense ‘bout some talkin’ timber wolf. What a bunch o’ hooey.” She spat.

“Ah know they wanna get their cutie marks. But the things they do… Goin’ in the Everfree is jus’ goin’ too far. Just wait ‘till Rarity n’ Rd hear ‘bout this…” She fell silent, continuing her walk to the well-known boutique. It's carousel design wasn't hard to miss.

Applejack knocked on the front door a few times when she got there.

“Coming~!” A delicate voice called from within. The apple mare heard a few hoofsteps before the door swung open. Revealing the snow-white coated mare. Her mane bounced from some gust of air the door probably created.

“Applejack darling!” The fashionista greeted. “How have you been?”

“Ah’ve been fine Rares.” The rustic pony answered. “But Ah I need to tell ya somethin’.”

“Really? Well, please, come in.” Rarity said while stepping to the side to allow entrance. Applejack walked in and waited until the door closed. “Now, what is it that you need to tell me darling?” She asked. Applejack sighed before she answered.

“Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, n’ Scootaloo went in the Everfree again.” Rarity gasped in shock.

“Oh Celestia! Are they alright!?”

“They’re fine.” Applejack said with a dismissive wave of a hoof. “They tried tellin’ me that some talkin’ Timber Wolf lead them out cursed place.” Rarity’s face would’ve paled if her face wasn't already white.

“Wait…” She said. She had to force herself from panicking. It wasn't needed since her little sister is in no danger, anymore, at least. “Did you say, a ‘talking’, Timber Wolf?” Applejack nodded. “How could they come up with something like that? That seems hardly believable.”

“Glad ya think the same way. Th’ little rascals tried puttin’ that nonsense in mah head.”

“But… I can't help but think where they could have come with something like that. It seems a little odd to me that they chose a Timber Wolf of all things to use…”

“Well…” Thought about it for second. “It is kinda weird. But Ah think they were jus’ pullin’ them words out their flanks. Rarity hummed thoughtfully.

“Maybe we could interrogate them? I am willing to bet they will tell the truth of we pressure them enough. Why, we could even have Twilight come with us and use a lie detection spell. Oh~ It would be just like one of my detective novels!” Rarity squealed. Applejack rolled her eyes.

“Typical Rarity.” She muttered under her breath. “C’mon. Rainbow needs to know ‘bout the girls too.”

“Oh! Right!” Rarity snapped herself out of her fantasies, and headed out with her apple orientated friend in tow.

“N’ now we're here.” Applejack said, she just finished telling her bookworm of a friend of today's happenings about the C.M.C.

“Hmmm…” Twilight mulled Applejack’s earlier request over. “It does seem a little far fetched that a Timber Wolf could talk… But, you're right. The girls had to have gotten that from somewhere… Alright, I'll come along. I've been meaning to practice the Lie Detector spell anyway.” Rainbow smiled.

“Awesome! C’mon! Let’s go!” She said a split-second before she zoomed out the nearest window. Her gathered friends smiled and rolled their eyes; Typical Rainbow.

“Finally, good food.” I mutter. “Good work you three. Let’s get this back to the den.” My hunters barked in unison and we hoisted our catch onto our backs. Gugh, this big lion thing is heavier than it looks. But at least this’ll last us a week. “Remember, bitches and pups eat first.” My hunters grunt at me. We then begin our haul back to the den. I was thankful we weren’t attacked from other predators. That may be due to the fact that we took down a damned lion with wings and a scorpion tail. But, I digress, I’ll take some fuckin’ luck wherever and whenever I can.

We made it to the den in no time. If I still believed in god. I’d be thanking him.

My pups and bitches noticed our arrival and started yipping excitedly. I smiled, as best I could with a wooden face, it’s those little moments that keep me going honestly.

My pack surrounds me and my hunters when we hefted the mutated lion into the moderately-sized cave. The three of us backed off from our latest catch, the pup and others feeding first. It didn’t take long for them to eat their fill, the pups literally tearing into the carcass. Good; they need the meat to grown big and strong. The six of them managed to get into the belly a bit. They backed away, signalling our turn.

While the den wolves ate greedily. Me and my hunters tore into the meat with a starved appetite. Not eating for a couple days can do that into a wolf. Luckily for us though, the legs of the thing where plenty filling. Only a leg of each of us was enough.

With our bellies full. The three of us walked over to plant our haunches down at the mouth of the cave. We spent the rest of the day guarding the entrance while the others rested, or in the pup’s case, play. Until they tire at least. It brought a smile to my muzzle to hear my pups play. My smile widened when I remember I can finally start to expand my pack. After all, only one of my bitches had a litter of three pups. Now that we have a solid food source for the next week. I can at least get another one full of pups. She may even have more if we catch more food like that lion.

Yes, things seems to be looking good for us. And soon enough we’ll have enough to take the rest of the forest. I’m very thankful that we’re the only Timber Wolf pack in this forest. SO much land to cover. So much food to catch… Mmmm…

“Are you kidding me!?” Rainbow shouted, right into Twilight’s ear. She’d been looking over the scholar’s shoulder when Twilight physically displayed the results of the lie detector spell; it was a simple grid with a vertical line in the center, it cascading downwards. Understanding it was simple; the line shot to the left of right when the pony, or ponies, who had the cast on them lied. The one before the mares looked much like a seismograph.

In this case however, the line remained completely straight. The only way anypony could tell if it was working was by the grid surrounding it.

“Well, the spell isn't lying, no pun intended.” Twilight said. “I checked the spell matrix three times already, nothing was out of the ordinary. The girls are telling the truth.” The Cutie Mark Crusaders beamed at this.

“Ya see sis!? I wasn’t lyin’!” Applebloom exclaimed.

“Yeah, Ah know.” Applejack turned to her little sister. “But that still don’t excuse you from walkin’ in the Everfree!”

“Yes, I have to agree with Applejack.” Rarity agreeingly said.

“Yeah! What the hay were you three doing in the forest anyway!?” Rainbow angrilly asked. The three crusaders wilted under their heated gazes.

“We were gonna do some potion making with Zecora...” Applebloom admitted.

“Well that's just just dandy.” Applejack said with heavy sarcasm.

That sarcasm, however, flew right over the fillies little heads. The older apple mare spotted their increasingly smiling faces and nipped it in the butt.

“But next time ask us to take ya there consarnit!” Applejack yelled. She made sure her voice wasn't too loud, but she also made sure to be loud enough to get her point across. The three filly’s ears flattened against their skulls at the berating.

“We're sorry…” They muttered simultaneously.

“Beg ya pardon? Sorry ain't gonna cut this time!”

“Yes, we have told you three countless times not to venture into that awful forest.” Rarity said. Sure, she did exaggerate a bit. But the point still stands; the Everfree Forest is no place for foals to be running about.

“For this point on, ya’ll are forbidden ta talk ta one another!” Applejack said in a near yell. “On top o’ that. You ain’t gonna go nowhere without any o’ us!” The ponies responsible for the fillies nodded with the older apple mare.

“You three are to never, ever leave our sights again. At least, until you earn our trust again.” Rarity said.

“Ch’ yeah. Like that’s gonna happen anytime soon.” Rainbow said while crossing her foreleggs. The Crusaders wilted further than ever. Their spirits severely wounded.

Meanwhile, Twilight had been brainstorming about certain developments.

*Talking Timber Wolves…* She thought. *How is this possible? How could nothing but an amalgamation of dead tree limbs and magic attain conscious thought and speech?* Her face hardened. *I have to get to the bottom of this…*

Twilight realized that, if she wanted to sate her mental hunger, she would have to venture into the Everfree Forest.

Of course, she wouldn’t dare set hoof in there. She would have her friends come with her. Maybe even one of the princesses, just to be extra safe. Maybe she can have some guards with them if they’re too busy. With herself being a princess and all.

*Hm. Looks like I have a solid plan!* Twilight thought happily to herself.

“Spike!” She called out to number one, and only, assistant. The little drake stood at attention at the mention of his name. “Take a letter please.” He nodded and readied a quill and scroll. “Dear Princess Celestia...”

Author's Note

Hi! Once again another idea that wouldn't leave y head until I wrote it down. I don't know I'f I'll continue this one though. I don't have a particular ending for this one.

And another thing. I am still writting my other fics. So no need to worry about that. I've been mentally exhausted with college finals. But I will get back into the groove of things when this semester ends.

Anyway, like, comment, and follow me if ya want. I could use some criticism on my fics. It'd be very much appreciated.

Moving

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Princess Celestia asked her faithful student.

“I’m sure.” Twilight answered. “There is an undocumented creature in that forest. And I want to be the first pony to discover an intelligent animal!” The studious unicorn smiled. “Maybe somepony will write a book about me!” She squealed. Princess Celestia rolled her eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

“Very well, my student. My guards will accompany you on this venture.” She addressed her mentioned ponies. “I am entrusting her safety into your capable hooves. Are you ready to enter the forest?”

“We are always ready!” The three guards bellowed in unison.

“Very good my little ponies.” Celestia praised. She turned back to her student. “Whenever you are ready Twilight.” The purple pony nodded and turned to her assembled friends. which were Rainbow, Applejack, Pinkie, and Zecora, for navigational, and moral, purposes. Rarity decided against going into the forest for fear of ruining her mane and tail. And Fluttershy elected to not go because she was afraid of the forest period.

“You girls ready to go?” Twilight asked.

“I was born ready!” Rainbow exclaimed as she puffed her chest out.

“As ready as Ah’ll ever be.” Applejack stated in a much more subdued tone.

“Yes, let us search for this intelligent wolf, surely the fillies do not bluff.” Zecora said.

“Alright. Let’s go!” Twilight declared. The group of ponies began their trek into the dark forest. The guards would take up positions behind and next to the civilians. Princess Celestia watched on with a serene smile curving her lips. But, behind that smile, worry was brooding. The very thought of intelligent Timer Wolves is surprising within itself. As it would only add to the list of intelligent species already existing. And, just like the Diamond Dogs, these wolves are living within Equestrian borders.

Princess Celestia could only hope that, whether these Timber Wolves are intelligent are not, her little ponies emerge from this forest unscathed.

Seriously? These fucking ponies again? And some of them are wearing armor this time!?

Oh hell no. Fuck this bullshit. Those damn ponies are not driving us out of my fucking forest. I worked too damn hard to get where I just to have these vermin take it away from me!

“Hey, girls. I-I think the wolf came to us...”

I can smell the fear coming off the purple one. Good, they should be fearing me.

I may be outnumbered eight to one, but I know how to put up one hell of a fight.

“I already warned you, ponies too many times to stay out of my fucking forest. I will issue a final warning, leave my forest, now.” I made sure to growl as menacingly as possible.

The armored ponies put themselves in front of the others, their golden-looking weapons pointed at me. Good, my hunters are on their way here anyway, if anything does happen, at least I’ll have backup.

“Wait! Please! We only to talk!” The purple one shouted that.

Didn’t she just fucking hear me!?

“I said LEAVE!” Why don’t they listen!? They never listen to me!

“But-!”

“GRAAGH!” Good god I’ve never felt so much rage. I feels like I can just-

Woah, the fuck was that?

Wait, the armored ones are looking at me in shock, why..?

…

Ah… I’m missing a limb. Hm… This is different.

Also, it feels like some leafs on my body are burning. Oh, it seems that purple one shot… something at me. Judging from the smoke billowing from her horn.

Was I just about to pounce them? I don’t think I made any move towards them, maybe it was the fact I roared like a Maned Wolf that set her off.

Eh, whatever. Gives me all the more reason to tear into her throat and disembowel her.

I hear barks from behind, good, they can fend the armored ones off while I-

Whoa, what the fuck!? Why did Tinder tackle me!?

*Smack!* Russel, what the fuck!?

Oh, not you too Foliage! What the hell!? This isn’t time for a dog-pi-

Wait, wait… I… I’m feeling something. I feel…

I’m feeling stronger, more than I’ve ever felt on a good day. I feel I’m literally growing in size…

Oh, dead tree limbs are gathering into me. I am getting bigger. Those ponies look like beetles to me now.

“Hmhmhmhmm...” And like the bug they are, they will be nothing but paste under my paws!

“Oh, Buck!” The blue one took to the air. She seemed to be dead set on meeting me face-to-face.

Mm… I’ve been meaning to find myself a small snack anyways.

“Rainbow!”

*Snap!*

Aw… how’d I miss?

Oh, right, that purple one do that crap with her horn.

“Please! Listen! We only want to-”

“Leave this forest or I’ll turn you all into paste!” Oh wow, my voice just absolutely booms now.

Hm… I could’ve used this… fusion thing for earlier hunts. Eh… I’ll deal with that later. I got some ponies to cru-

Ok, ouch, that hurt.

And now my right paw’s missing. Great, did the purple one do that again..?

Oh, there’s a tall white one now. And she seems to be addressing the others.

Annnnnnd now there’s some light yellow dome over them. I can safely assume that’s meant to keep me out.

Eh, whatever. I’m willing to bet my recently lost paw I can break that thing if I step on it.

Oh, I AM still burning with rage. The likes of which have never been seen on this planet. But I can’t help but feel a little creeped out that I sound like this on the inside, while I’m roaring my head off and stamped everywhere on the outside. I guess I can be really calm, at least inwardly, when I lose most of my other bodily functions. Movement and rational thought, I mean.

Op, something managed to push me back a little bit. I wonder who did that.

“I would like to speak with you.” Oh, it was the tall white one. And she… something’s keeping me from attacking her, calming me down, even.

It’s that fucking aura of hers! Why didn’t I sense that earlier!? There’s no possible way she could’ve hidden all that power radiating off her!

Y’know what? Fuck it, I can fight it, I just need to stall.

I sit down and nod at her with a very annoyed expression. A plan was already forming in my head. All I need to do is get my paw close enough to her…

Oh, FUCK her, I can that fucking smirk on your cum colored face.

“I have sent my student and her friends into… your forest,”

Ha, nice silver tongue you got there. Just for that, I’m going to put many, many more and long brambles on my tongue. You are going to make for a nice treat.

“In order to begin possible negotiations.”

I raise one of my leafy eyebrows.

“The information of your… existence has only recently reached my ears. I wish to apologize for my subject’s actions.” Huh, she has the gall to look apologetic…

How pathetic. She should have known of my warnings. She should be be begging at my paws just to not turn that village over there into a buffet.

She’s… she’s holding a hoof out to me. Why. Just… why…

“Do you accept my apology?” She asked. Oh! That’s why. Nah fuck that. I’ve had enough of these damn ponies.

I purposely say nothing for a few seconds. Making her think I’m thinking about it, think. I can see the ponies looking on in worry. Good, they’re gonna want one last good look at this white bitch.

I slowly raise my right paw up, thankfully I had time to reform the appendage. I reach over, as if to shake her hoof. She looks glad at that, like me accepting her apology was a big deal. Too bad I didn't, and still don't.

I think I made my rejection known when, in one smooth motion, I grab her, wrenching the white pony from the very air, and pull her into my maw. With a loud snapping noise I close my mouth, and quickly start to chew.

Mmm… she’s tough, like slightly over cooked meat. Ooh! Her blood tastes like… Mm… it tastes good. Mmmm…

…

Oh, the others are still-

*Pop!*

And they disappeared, eh, whatever, if they ever come back. They’re fucked.

*POP!*

What the fuck!? How did she disappear in my mouth!? Damn it!

Bah, whatever, I need to relocate my pack now. At least it’ll be more easy with how massive I am. Could carry that lion carcass in my mouth with ease.

… But… ugh, fuck me. How am I not going to leave behind a damn trail?

Fuck it, I’ll come up with something when we get there.

Meanwhile, in Twilight’s Tree House. The Main Six, mostly Twilight, were losing their minds.

“OhFaustOhFaustOhFaustOhFaust!” Twilight was in the middle of a full blown melt-down. Playing witness to her own princess/mentor’s, admittingly savory, demise. Her friends made valiant attempts to calm her down. But not even Applejack hoofing the purple unicorn’s face, nor Spike’s pleading, had any affect.

They were about to give up when a bright flash of light filled the room. The flare of magic that came with the light caught Twilight’s attention. For only one pony could teleport in such a closed space, besides Princess Luna. Twilight’s head snapped towards the source of the magical surge, and paled at what she saw.

Princess Celestia was indeed here. But she was lying on the wood floor, her legs were bent at multiple places in odd angles, her fur and hair were matted with her own blood, and her breathing was rapid -laboured, even.

The girls and Spike were horrified to see their princess in such a state. No one moved, no one had a thought, no one even breathed for some time as they just watched a their princess lay before them. It was some time before someone said anything.

“S-somepony get a medic!” And even then, Applejack’s demand was met with silence. She tried again to take control of the situation.

“Consarnit everypony! Get yer heads outta your flanks and get us a damn medic!” The second attempt proved to be successful. As Twilight shook her head and teleported, most likely to Ponyville Hospital. Rainbow did the same, except she bolted out the nearest window.

“Spike,” Applejack said, gaining the little drake's attention. “Can you send a letter tah Princess Luna?” He nodded quickly. “Good, send her one tellin’ about what happened.” Spike nodded resolutely and grabbed a quill and scroll from behind himself, he scribbled onto the piece of parchment, rolled it up, and sent it away in a puff of smoke. Applejack nodded at Spike and focused back on the blood-covered princess of the sun. Only now noticing the she was bleeding out on the wood floor.

“Oh ma stars...” She breathed. She shook her head and began looking around for something, anything to wrap up the bleeding wounds. But, she realized, she couldn’t. She new better than to bandage broken limbs; it could makes things worse than it is already, internally at least. Who knows how much blood the princess is already losing on the inside. Applejack turned to Rarity, who knew just as much, it was especially worse in the white unicorn's case; she didn't know any healing spells. There wasn’t a thing they could do. Not even Fluttershy with all her experience caring for animals knew what to do. Everypony truly felt useless to their princess at that moment.

There was another bright flash, and Princess Luna instantly appeared by her sister's side.

“Oh dear Maker...” She breathed, her horn shown briefly and Celestia was engulfed in Luna’s blue aura. The least the nightly alicorn could do would be to close as many wounds as possible and lessen the bleeding. Princess Luna sighed, knowing that for know, her sister has a large chance to live. She turned to the ponies watching.

“What… what happened? What foul creature did this to our sister?” She asked. Nopony responded immediately. But when somepony did, it was ultimately Applejack, she really had the most courage to speak to the nocturnal princess at the time.

Applejack told Princess Luna every last detail about the day's events starting from her excursion in the Everfree. At first, Luna was intrigued about the intelligent Timber Wolf, and at some point, Twilight and Rainbow returned with a hoof full of doctors who immediately set to work on Princess Celestia. But curiosity turned into horror when she heard of the cause of her sister's current state. It was almost too much for Princess Luna to take in, but managed to maintain her composure and think rationally. She created a mental list of reasonings, and eventually came to a conclusion. The Princess of the Night swiveled her head towards Applejack slowly, and said with a flat tone,

“You should have headed your sister's words.”

Fuck me...

The room was silent, time slowed to a snail’s pace, even the medical ponies addressing the Sun Princess.

“Uh…” Applejack was a loss for words. “P-pardon?” Was all she could come up with. Princess Luna responded in a trembling voice

“Thou should have headed thine sister's warning. None of this would've happened, none of this should have happened…” A sob escaped her muzzle. The room remained in silence as Princess Luna kept back tears. She then slowly turned to the medical ponies.

“We shall send thee to Canterlot to care for mine sister, be prepared.” The ponies nodded and were sent away a bright blue flash. There was a pause as the ponies suddenly began to wonder why Princess Luna elected to stay.

“We shall search for the vile creature.” She suddenly said. “We shall find this demon and send it to the deepest depths of Tartarus!” She boomed in her royal Canterlot voice.

And without prompt, Princess Luna galloped out the library and launched into the darkening sky. The angriest of scowls upon her regal face.

Alright, looks like whatever god is finally smiling upon my fucking life for once; I found out how to get back to normal size. And that little event left me with three extra hunters. I have no idea how the fuck that works, but I’ll take what I can get.

But that also got me thinking, if could turn myself into fuckin’ Sif, could I change my appearance in other ways?

And that also got me thinking -something I’ve been doing a lot lately, about how I would go about doing it, since I know it’s possible. And how to make it permanent since my giant-sized form doesn't last long.

So, while me and my expanded hunter pack were carrying the mutant lion carcass, I tried to come up with different ways to change the my physical form. And eventually, after three fuckin’ days. I felt something shift in my right foreleg when I just concentrated on the limb. But nothing looked out of the ordinary.

It was at that moment that I found out it took me a retarded amount of concentration just to even begin to change a single fucking limb.

The proportions of that revelation was about on the same level as finding out how to make a wooden fucking pickaxe. And, I also discovered that I really don’t have that kind of concentration when I’m hauling a multi-ton dead animal across the forest, until I find a cave at lea-

…

…

Well fuck me up the ass and call me Sally, there’s a decently-sized cave. It’s still in my territory as well, which means I may have been here at some point to drive some stupid animal or somethin’.

That, or this used to belong to a rival pack that disappeared before I drove them out. I think… Nah, not gonna waste mental power thinking about shit like that right now. Imma just get my cubs and bitches situated deep in this damn thing. Hopefully there’s glowing mushrooms if it’s deep enough…

…

Aaaaand there are some of the glowing little shits in here. And the cave is deep enough that sunlight can’t reach in here, bonus.

Alright, this’ll do for now. I’m probably gonna need to expand my territory if I want to keep away from those fuckin’ ponies.

They’re probably mass-searching the entire forest since I chewed up that white one. She looked pretty important if that crown and collar were any indication...

Fuck me to tears… I need to lay low for at least a few weeks now. I can maybe pull it off with this lion… Yeah, I can just ration the food and let my cubs and bitches eat a little more than the rest of us just so the pups grow up strong and fierce. I can probably use the mushrooms that’ll start growing from the rotting bits as more food. Yeah, I can do this, not the first time I had to pull some miracle out of my wooden, sap-covered ass.

------=====------

Aaaaand there we go!

So now I’m my old self again, as far as I could get still being made out of wood and all. But I can care less, it feels good to have hands again.

Also, walking on two feet again was kinda hard to get back used too. It’s been too fucking long that I’ve walked on two legs. But to finally fell human again, the sensation was almost orgasmic.

Anyway, while it did take a good week to get the body wanted, with facial features and other small details. I began walking around my territory, I was actually hoping to run into the ponies now. Since I have a new form I could play myself off as just some random creature living in this forest; I could have them leave me and my pack alone if that happens.

But unfortunately, I hadn’t seen hide nor hair of them for a couple of weeks now. Well, at least I could go hunting again; food was getting low.

But now, back in the present, where should I go hunting? I need new places since the presence of ponies made my usual game scarce. And on top of that, I can’t go hunting for smaller game since there definitely are ponies looking for the old me. I wonder how I haven’t ran into them. Maybe if I stray closer to the border of that town… Yeah, let’s do that today.

…

“Hmmmm HMM hmm hmmm hm, hmmmm HM hm hmmm hm…”

“Hault! Creature!”

*Oh shit fuck what!?*

“What art thou doing in these… woods?”

I stare at the tall blue pony with flowing blue hair that just landed behind me. She’s staring at me, a bit awkwardly, might I add.

That one has to at least know about the other white one.

“Uh...” I began. “Can I help you?” The pony stared for a second then regained its bearings and glared at me.

“What thou be doing in this forest?” It, maybe a she… definitely a she, asked with a not-so-subtle hint of anger.

“I’m just hunting with my pack.” Oh fuck me, why did I say that!?

“Hunting?”

“Yes..?” There was a long, awkward pause between the two of us.

“... Pray tell,” She suddenly started, Her eyes narrowing at me. “Why would a creature, such as thyself, chose to reside in a forest where animals such hydras dwell in?” She queried.

“...” I had to think of something quick if I wanted to live. “I've been in this forest for as far back as I can remember. I was born in this forest, and nothing has really scared me into leaving.

And besides, I've seen how your kind treats outsiders. I'd rather be here, where I can live in peace.” I said, to which clearly threw the pony through a fuckin’ loop.

“How we treated…” She muttered to herself more than to me. “We apologize, for what thou art implying, surely thou be spinning lies. Surely these words that leave thine… lips, are fabricated.” She said with a skeptical brow raised. This, interestingly, pissed me off.

“And how would you know?” I asked while crossing my arms, which felt good to just do. “Judging from what you’re wearing, you’re one of the rulers of these ponies, right?” She nodded.

“We are Princess Lu-”

“Don’t care, you should know what you've done to outsiders. I ain’t leaving this forest.” I said. “Anyway, what are you doing here? Last time I heard, you ponies avoid this forest like the plague.”

“Thine statements be true, creature.” She said. “But we are scouring this accursed place in search of a foul demon that greatly wounded mine sister.” She explained.

“A demon?” What the fuck is she talking about? Oh, right. Me.

“Yes, a giant Timber Wolf, specifically.” She said. “The beast we are searching for.” I saw her gaze flick up, spotting about above me, I paid no mind to it. “And thou seem to be wearing its crown.”

Fuck me up the ass through a straw.

“Oh, this thing?” I said while picking the thing off my head. I didn’t even know I was wearing the damn thing! I need to think of something quick!

“Yes, we find it suspicious that you posses that small piece of head wear.” She took a step towards me. “We also find it suspicious that you seem to posses the same magical makeup as one.”

Fuck you, as if you could intimidate me. And what the fuck is this shit about magic?

And then I came up with a half-assed idea. Please god let this work.

“Oh, I killed it.” I said.

The blue pony in front of me let her jaw drop to the floor, literally. How the hell do they do that? It should be damn impossible.

“Now, thy jest. This is a King Timber Wolf we are speaking of. How could thou slay such a beast?”

“Because I’m just like those wolves. I’m not exactly a Timber Wolf, but I am like them. It was easy finding its weak spot.”

“In what way? And what is this weak point?”

“Well, I am made up of dead wood. But that’s where similarities ends. I guess you could call me a variant of an ent, bu-”

“Pause thy speech. What is this ‘ent’ creature you speak of?” The rude bitch interrupted me. How rude.

I mean, sure, I cut in more than half the time, but… fuck ponies.

“A living tree.” I said. “I’m kinda like that, ‘cause they’re more intelligent than those wolves. But the difference is the whole dead wood thing.”

“Hmmm...” It looks like she’s buying it, huh… I guess it’s good being a pathological liar.

But now it seems we’ve fallen into a awkward bout of silence, again.

“Well, bye.” I said with a wave. I was about to turn around, but a beam of light blue energy ripped off my left arm.

“We commend thine attempt to weasel your way out of thine undoing.” She said while lowering her head and flaring her wings, her horn was also glowing a light turquoise. "But thou would have to weave more believable lies!"

It was clear she was looking to give me a good attitude adjustment. But really, who could stare at this pony seriously? They honestly look kinda cute when they try to be intimidating. And I decided to voice as much.

“You ponies look cute when you do that.”

She somehow lost her footing, while spluttering for a second.

“W-what!?” Ha! Got her to blush!

“You think you could intimidate anything with that face?” I asked. “I just wanna pinch those cheeks!”

While I do despise every aspect these ponies posses, I also do admit they are the most adorable creatures I’ve seen. And and reality, in this situation specifically, I was stalling to give my hunters time to get to me. ‘Cause if this one’s anything like that white one, she might be a problem. It also kinda allowed me to reform my left arm. Bitch had no reason to do that.

“Wha… Silence! Foul demon!” She bellowed. “We will not tolerate thine insults! We shall send you to the depths of Tartarus for wounding our sister!” She took to the air.

Thaaat’s not good. If they are sisters… Fuck me.

But my hunters are mere meters away so there’s that. I was able to nearly kill the white one. So I can do something to this blue one.

Buuuut I’m gonna have to avoid those beams if I wanna live to see tomorrow. But it seems I don’t I have to worry since my hunters are piling on me as I evaluate the situation.

“I’ve told you, time and time again, to leave my forest alone.”

“Silence demon! Thou shalt suffer thine consel-”

“I don’t give a single shit about you have to say!” Finally, I’m giant me again. I wonder how long I can maintain it this time…

The blue pony flew up higher and did a… I guess I can that a backwards loop, while charging her horn. I saw what she was trying for, and leaped to the left just as another beam shot out from her horn. Kinda narrowly missing me.

And while I think it’s common combat knowledge to keep away from the enemy if you want to do ranged attacks, this pony clearly didn’t think of that. And because of her shortsighted...ness (shut up), I knew she didn’t think of a way to keep her distance away from me while firing that energy beam.

She basically flew into my mouth. And I wasted no time ensnaring her within my maw. This time I wanted to keep her in place, so I wrapped a fuck-ton of vines around her body, her wings and horn more so than the rest.

I was about to chew on my latest snack when I felt something come from the pony. It felt like something was charging up, next thing I felt was that charge sputtering out.

To make the sensation understandable, it felt like a balloon made a weak attempt to inflate inside my mouth, and then gave up.

But then, a second later, I felt strangely energized. Like I just drank a Five Hour Energy or something. It felt weird, but not uncomfortable.

Then I thought ‘Eh whatever’ and decided that, since I suddenly felt like I just ate a full meal, that I would make an example out of this pony to tell others to stay the fuck out of my forest. So with that, I began my way towards the little village.

“Wha...” I heard the little nuisance try and speak from within my mouth. I decided to humor her and let her speak, the walk would've been boring either way.

“Blegh...” I apparently had a vine in her mouth. Weird. “What dost thou plan to do with us!?” I snorted at that.

“Even when you know you’re defeated, you still put on an act of authority.” I snickered. “Fine, I’ll humor you this once.”

“I plan on turning you into a proper example about what will now happen to ponies when they decided to venture into my forest. That white one escaped before I could do it to her.”

“Wha- How dare you!”

“Oh please,” I scoffed. “Like I would murder you. I’d sooner set myself on fire.”

“Pardon..?”

“Don’t play stupid with me. If you were some other pony, I would've done it without hesitation at this point.

Then there’s you; I can’t kill you, even if I wanted to. The reason being simple; while I have power, strength, and agility. You ponies have numbers; get enough of you together, and it might be a problem for me. So, I only plan on making an example out of you. And you’re obviously an authoritative figure, so I will leave you with this message for your little ponies:”

An idea hit me, and I very quickly formed a face in the roof of my mouth, and mad her stare at it while its wooden lips moved.

Stay the FUCK out of my forest. ‘Cause now, I WILL not hesitate to kill anyone who enters it.”

The pony sputtered for a moment, then demanded that I explain why I plan on doing it. But a little bit of the silent treatment and she eventually gave up.

As we neared the edge of my forest, she decided to ask one more question.

“Why would you do this? What would bring out this hatred for us?”

Now, I don’t know why. But that question struck a chord in me. She should know why the fuck I want them out of my forest.

But, eh, whatever. I’ve been feeling chatty anyway.

“My kind is on the brink of extinction because of you ponies.” I started. “I've seen you hunt us with the energy beam shit. I’ve seen you drag us away kicking and screaming. Only to be never seen again. There were friends, acquaintances, even distant family members that you’ve taken away from me. I couldn't even do anything about it, I was too young, too weak to do anything.” I roughly pulled her out of my mouth and shoved her as close as I could to my unblinking eyes. “But now, now I have the strength I have numbers. I will avenge my fallen brethren. I will hunt every single one of you down.

I. Will. Rule.

And with that, I sent her sailing towards that little village, not caring whether or not she'd make a decent landing. I then stood there, thinking about what I said.

…Fuck me. I said too much.