"Who's the Hottest Stallion?"

by Kuairu

Rating: teen
Tags: Shining Armor, Sex, Braeburn, King Sombra, Big Macintosh, Random, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 8761

Trapped in a sinister game of Sombra's doing in their dreams, Big Mac, Shining Armor, and Braeburn have to figure out how to escape the Dark King's clutches, while proving to a city full of mares who is the hottest stallion of them all.

Sombra had an idea. An evil, awful idea.

He would take some stallions, and create a contest.

Which one was the hottest stallion?

And so follows the story of Big Macintosh, Braeburn, and Shining Armor as they try to escape the dark king's clutches, and prove to the mares of Equestria who was the most desirable of them all.

We had mares, now we have a contest of stallions!

Thanks a lot to Ambion for helping out near the end!

While cover art shows anthros, we're all ponies here. Just couldn't pass up those pics tho...

Art credits: Shining, Big Mac, Braeburn, Sombra.

Published 2016-12-06 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-22 11:56:54 UTC

Epilogue: Meanwhile, in another dream...

A wonderful dinner. A lovely evening. A beautiful date. Romantic adjectives couldn't accurately describe the night that Twilight had! Never before had her heart fluttered underneath the impact of love, which would desperately beat for the one behind its force.

It was like a dream come true.

Currently, she found herself on her bed, staring up at the ceiling as she waited for her lover to come back to her. She tried to recall the events that led up to her being on the bed, which she didn't even recognize as her own back home. For some reason, however, all she could find was a blur of memories of dates and time spent together, not the steps to how she was in that exact situation.

Probably her memory was being fuzzy since she was excited about tonight. At last, just as her book about dating had said, she would finally give herself fully to her coltfriend, showing her love in the most passionate and intimate way a pony can give.

Her coltfriend... whose name eluded her.

"Oh, what was his name? I was just talking about him with Rarity only this morning," she thought out loud, suddenly remembering a conversation she had with Rarity early in the day. How could she forget her lover's name? They've been dating for a few months now, and knew each other years before, how come she can't remember one of the most important aspects of any pony?

She quickly tried to scan her memories again, now losing her excitement over the incoming night to worry about what exactly was happening with her mind. To her horror, she could not even accurately tell what kind of stallion he was. It was as if each memory was a picture and the part where the stallion was had bad lighting so you couldn't see him.

She couldn't remember his colors, his hair, or even what pony tribe he was. It was a stallion, unnamed and unknown.

On the verge of a panic attack, she tried to stand away from the bed. As soon as she dropped away, and turned to face the exit to find out what exactly was going on, the door to the room opened, and suddenly the area dimmed to almost darkness as if the candle lamp nearby was turned mostly off.

"Twilight, where are you going?" the stallion in the darkness asked. Though her mind was filled with questions before, they all were seemingly forgotten, as her legs slightly quivered and her heart raced in excitement.

"Where were you, love?" Twilight asked. She didn't realize it, but she was slowly moving back to the bed in anticipation of what the stallion was going to do.

"Oh, you know me, always busy. But tonight, I am completely free to devote my time to you, princess," the stallion said, inching closer to Twilight on the bed as well. Soon, both were close enough to each other that they could feel the breaths from each other's muzzles.

Still in the dim light, Twilight could not accurately tell who the stallion was. The thought did not cross her mind, however.

"Please, don't call me Princess. Just Twilight for tonight..." the alicorn replied. Each hot breath she felt from her stallion on her muzzle was both exciting and agonizing, as she waited with torturous anticipation for the next few seconds.

"Very well then, Twilight. But there is something I must say..." the stallion began, now bumping muzzles with Twilight. "I love you."

They both stared into each other's eyes, the intimacy of the situation lighting their cheeks red, though not in embarrassment or shyness. Twilight suddenly responded by landing a deep but quick kiss on the stallion. "And I love you too."

The stallion slowly led the event, kissing back Twilight as they leaned back into bed, their hooves quickly beginning to grapple and hold. Lost in passion, Twilight's mind was clouded the most as it ever been, barely any sane thought remaining to think above the lust and love.

As their hooves began to slide and start exploring each other's bodies, Twilight released herself from the kiss to take one last loom into the eyes of her lover.

The light blue eyes of her brother.

"How much do you love me, Twily?" Shining Armor asked.

"AHHH~HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

For ten long seconds, Twilight screamed into the air of her bedroom, the image of her brother on top of her burning more securely into her mind. Sitting straight up, cold sweats kept falling down her coat, staining the bed and blankets.

From the other side of the room, the door swung open harshly to enter Starlight Glimmer and Spike in a huff. They had bags in their eyes from having their sleep interrupted, yet a screaming Twilight was worth more than some lost shut-eye.

"Twilight!" Spike called. "Glimmer and I heard you screaming, and came as quick as we could. What happened?!" asked Spike in a panicked tone.

Twilight wheezed out deep breaths, trying to control her lungs and heart rate beating in her ears. Her throat felt scratchy and uncomfortable, but after half a minute she had calmed down her breathing and had swallowed or coughed the phlegm that accumulated from her haggard wheezing.

"I... I... I was sleeping with my brother!" she announced.

She looked at her two close friends, both of which stared at her in uncomfortably wide-eyed glares. She breathed out a couple more wheezes, suddenly wondering if she could have worded it differently.

"NOPE," Spike said, throwing up his hands as he kept eye contact. "NOPE. NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE," He repeated, keeping eye contact and arms raised as he backtracked out of the room, not bothering to close the door as he left sight of Twilight's vision.

"S-Starlight?" Twilight tentatively asked, turning her head to meet the eyes of her new friendship student.

"NOT MY PROBLEM," Starlight blurted, quickly charging her horn and teleporting away from Twilight's bedroom.

Twilight looked around her empty room. There were no stallions, and now there were no assistants or students either. She was alone and she was single. Most soul-crushing was that she was single still.

"Should... should I have mentioned it was in a dream?" she asked out loud to her open door.

Applejack rose up from her bed with a start. Nothing about why she was suddenly creeped out came to her mind, as she took loud labored breaths to calm down.

The sun shone through the curtain in all its majestic glory, illuminating the room and the king sized bed she slept in.

"Dear?" a dark stallion rose up from the bed to lay hooves on her shoulders. "Are you alright?"

"Ah'm, uh, ah'm sorry for wakin ya up, hon," Applejack replied. "Jus a bad dream, is all."

"Oh, well... do you wish to take your mind off your bad dream then?" the dark stallion asked, slipping himself out of the covers and blankets, his big and muscular form beginning to massage Applejack's shoulders as his long and curved black and red horn lit up to fix his love's hair band for the morning.

"Al-alright. What do ya have in mind, Sombra?"

"We could go to the royal apple fields and subjugate the workers to get to one tree short of your record again?"

"...Sure!"

Author's Note

So I had this epilogue half done before deciding to just upload the main part as its own story. Hope you like it!

And 4 more are judged...

Dreams. Once told by some random Brit that they were the universes of imagination (and then went on about sackboys), they are a magic all on their own in Equestria. Oftentimes, a more serious dream might tell something about the pony, or tell them about something in their lives. Sometimes dreams can even predict the future.
Dreams are a magic in their own way, and like regular magic, they could be used for dark purposes.

Big Mac opened his eyes to see the inside walls of a crystal, seemingly trapped in them. Two other ponies beside him gawped at their cage, pawing in reflex to get themselves out.

“Aw, this is gonna be a bad night, ain’t it?” Mac heard a familiar voice say.

“Braeburn?” The crystal’s walls, while see through, still darkened the interior. However, he couldn’t mistake that loose orange and blonde mane and that cowpony hat anywhere else.

“Cousin Mac? Is that you?” Braeburn asked, holding a hoof out to try and confirm his guess. Feeling the harness that Big Mac always wore, he whistled. “Well howdy cuz! Fancy seeing you here, huh?”

“Eeyup,” Mac mumbled, smiling a little that he could meet his cousin again. Even if it was under some strange circumstances.

Big Mac took a moment to think, however, and decided this was actually the fifth weirdest situation he and his cousin had met each other. There’d been some stranger reunions. They're never going back to Dodge Junction unless they want to get arrested, that's for sure.

“Argh, this crystal is immune to my magic!” the third stallion exclaimed. Unlike the two Apples, this colt was a unicorn and looked like he was raised in the city, with his somewhat styled blue mane and pristine white coat. The stallion again pawed at the crystal, trying to punch his way out with little success.

“Ain’t ever punched something in your life, pardner?” Braeburn spoke up, a bit worried at the slight rampancy that was growing in the stallion’s eyes.

“Course I have. I’m the captain of the guard and the prince consort of the Crystal Empire, I’ve had my fair share of battles. And speaking of, there’s only one being that would think of using crystals like this...”

“Crystal Empire? Aren’t you that Shining Armor fella my other cousin talked about some time ago?” Braeburn, while still out in what most in Equestria considered the boonies, still kept up with the news in Canterlot and other major cities, including the newly reclaimed Crystal Empire.

“Oh, I've heard about you,” Big Mac spoke up. “You're that big brother of Princess Twilight, my sister Applejack’s friend.”

“Yup, that’s me. And I think you’re, uh, Big Macintosh, the cousin of one of my little sister’s friends, Applejack, right?”

“Actually, I’m Braeburn, but I am her cousin. Big Mac over here is her brother,” Braeburn explained, holding out one foreleg to droop over the red stallion in a brotherly fashion.

“Oh, well, glad you’re all happy that you found each other, even after the fact that we’re TRAPPED IN CRYSTAL!” Shining yelled, his voice reverberating within the crystal cage.

“Argh, do ya have ta be so loud, ya darn city-boy?! Calm your haunches, I’m sure that the walls can’t hold up to an Apple’s strength. Big Mac, think you can buck our way outta here?” Braeburn asked. The red stallion snorted in reply, as he started to position himself in front of one of the walls.

“Psh, I’m a royal guard and even I can’t get out through brute force. What makes you think you civilians can force-”

With a loud crash, the crystal cage shattered around them, the walls crumbling after Big Mac delivered a strong kick to one section of the wall. The ceiling also crumbled as well, showering the stallions in tiny crystal shards.

“-it… yourselves?” Shining said, the last words spoken in a tone of shock.

Big Mac took a couple deep breaths, having put all of his might into knocking the crystal wall down. He shook himself to get rid of the crystal shards in his mane and on his coat. Braeburn smirked at the shocked former captain, taking a few steps towards Shining to pat him on the back. “And that’s why you should never doubt an Apple, Mister Royal Guard Captain.”

“I…I…we need to get out of here,” Shining recomposed himself. “It’s not possible for all of us to be in the same dream unless there’s magic at work, and with that crystal, I think Sombra is still alive.”

“Wait,” Braeburn held a hoof up. Shining expected him to ask how the tyrant of the Crystal Empire was still alive even though he was blown to pieces because of the Crystal Heart. “This is a dream?”

Shining stared in confusion at Braeburn. “You didn’t know that? Didn’t you try to remember what you were doing before you got into the cage, just so you could figure out in your head what happened?”

“Well, now that I am tryin’ to remember, I don’t remember wakin’ up until a couple seconds ago. All I can remember is stumblin’ out of the local Appleloosa tavern drunker than a skunk, then that buffalo gal from that time we almost clashed with the buffalo chief appeared and she asked if I wanted to go for a ‘roll in the hay’, which I thought was silly cuz ain’t hay already rolled up until it’s laid out or it’s used in all those fast food type places? So I told her that, and she looked at me strange for a long time, and I decided I’d leave her to her business and head back to my bed in my house.”

Both ponies stared at the yellow colt, disbelief in their faces at the obvious attempt and strange rejection for a ‘roll in the hay’ with the buffalo girl.

“You… you do know what ‘roll in the hay’ means, right?” Shining hesitantly asked. Even though he grew up in the city, he still knew what that phrase meant, and so did Big Mac.

“Well, does it mean something? Is it just like, you roll around in the hay with a friend, tryin’ to see who can pick up the most hay with their bodies or something?” Braeburn shrugged.

With wide and confused eyes, Shining looked back to Big Mac, who only raised an eyebrow at Braeburn before making eye contact with Shining and shaking his head. “Don’t try to bother, sir. He was sometimes hit on the head when he was a small colt.”

“Hey, I was only hit once!”

“Yeah, by my ma. And she was the strongest bucker known to all Apples.”

“Well now…” an ominous voice chuckled. The three stallions looked around in panic as they tried to find the source of the voice, seemingly booming all around them in the dimly lit room that housed the crystal cage. “I expected some resistance, but I wasn’t expecting the big red earth pony to burst his way out of a crystal so easily. You may become a good pawn yet, if you succeed the test…”

Finally, after a couple moments of panic and fear between the three ponies, a door they didn’t see before opened, and light poured in through the dark room. The stallions had to cover their eyes for a moment before they could get used to the light, and when they put down their forelegs, they all gasped in horror.

Standing right before them was none other than the wicked King Sombra, his green eyes dispersing none of their usual dark magic mist, and his horn made mostly out of crystal instead of the jagged curved horn he was known for.

“Sombra? But how?! My sister and my wife made sure that all traces of you were eradicated after we blasted you with the Crystal Heart!” Shining exclaimed.

Sombra could only laugh at the ignorance of mortals like Shining. “Tell me, my fellow unicorn, what can happen when one such as I works with dark magic? When one is so well versed in dark magic as I am, could they ever truly be gone from the world?”

Shining didn’t ponder on such questions, as he shuffled himself into a battle stance, ready to duel with the dark King. “I don’t know how you managed to survive, but I’ll make sure you’ll be long gone after I’m through with you!”

Before Shining or even any of the ponies could do anything, they felt themselves being lifted into the air, and Shining could feel some sort of damper on his horn, disabling any magic he was about to cast.

“Oh, no, Shining, I don’t believe we need to cause any violence. Allow me to explain some things to you that might peak your… survival interests,” Sombra spoke, his own crystal horn ablaze with the spell that caused the stallions to be lifted into the air and not try to resist.

‘A villain that wants to tell their plan to their enemies? I thought those existed in those fantasy books Applebloom likes to read sometimes,’ Big Mac thought.

“You see, Shining Armor, while you and your wife may have destroyed my mortal body, my magic is so powerful that I was able to put a shard of myself in the untapped magic of what you know as dreams. And as far as I know, there is no other pony that can control dreams as well as I can, except for that blasted false goddess you know as Princess Luna. But she shall not be able to get past the wards I have created to keep her out of this part of the dreamscape. I doubt that she will not even understand the puzzles I have created from the ingenious depths of my mind to bypass those wards.”

Princess Luna stood in front of the massive wall, a neutral expression on her face as she studied the foreign object in her dreamscape.

“Tis made of dark magic, and its formula like that of only Sombra’s doing. Does my sister not tell her subjects anymore about how to combat dark magic? If his body was destroyed, it is quite possible his magic could keep a part of his consciousness alive. If it is in my dreamscape… I must destroy him then. Now, about this wall…”

Luna could tell from just the magical resonance from the wall that brute magical force was not going to work. She would need to figure out how to undo the spell from within itself, as Sombra would have to do whenever he had decided to venture outside the dreamscape and then come back within the walls. She lightly tapped the wall with her hoof to test its strength, and was surprised to see something flicker on a square portion of the wall in front of her.

4 white little blocks connected together started dropping down, until it hit some portion of the wall it deemed as the bottom of the lighted portion. Then another set of 4 blocks, this one having a block connected to the side instead of top to bottom like the set before, started dropping down. Luna tilted her head in confusion, trying to understand what puzzle the wall had constructed. At the moment she tilted, the second set of blocks moved to the side of the first set, dropping down right next to it.

“No… is this…?” Luna opened her eyes in shock, not daring to believe so hastily what she is witnessing. When the third set appeared, she tilted her head to the opposite side, and soon the set dropped down and connected with the other two sets at the bottom.

After a couple more sets of blocks, the entire bottom of the lit portion of the wall was covered by a line of blocks, and soon they flickered and disappeared, leaving the portion of blocks on top of the bottom line to slide down. A number 1 appeared on the side of the light portion, and Luna could not help but squee in happiness, clapping her front hooves together in her excitement.

“Oh, it’s just like that ‘Tetris’ game in our royal arcade!” she squealed. Her horn lit up and conjured some speakers next to her, like the ones she had seen at some of the so called ‘Night Clubs’, and she pressed a button on top of them before going back to the game of a puzzle from the wall, humming the tune she was so familiar and encapsulated with.

‘Please, Luna, be powerful just this once…’ Shining silently prayed in his mind.

“Now, with her out of the way, we can begin the tests…” Sombra spoke, turning around and bringing them back into the light with his magic. The three held stallions still had to close their eyes to more of the light, before they could finally see clearly what was outside.

They gasped. Outside was a whole city of shining crystal, a slight glimpse of the glory of the Crystal Empire it used to be. Many mares clamored and awed beneath them as all three stallions realized that they were on a stage of some sort.

Shining Armor’s mind went into overdrive. He scanned his surroundings, thinking of a way he could either catch Sombra by surprise or get him and the other stallions away from the king long enough for Princess Luna to rescue them.

“That’s… a lotta mares…” Braeburn muttered. Instead of thinking of a way out, the frontier colt was focused on the many, many mares below the stage. Big Mac, similarly shocked, was feeling the weight of stage fright, as he tried to shy away from all the female attention he was receiving.

“Indeed there are, cowpony. And that’s the ingenuity of this dream. While you three are conscious and knowledgeable, these mares, from all across Equestria, aren’t here in body, but a little somewhat in mind,” Sombra spoke.

“Er, that’s interesting an’ all, but why the whole lotta them? I ain’t ever heard of a villain torturin’ his victims with a bunch of mares,” Braeburn asked. Unlike Big Mac, he wasn’t as scared of the mare attention. He was rather interested in the plan, more than anything else.

Shining focused on a cart some ways away from their trio, and left alone by the sea of ponies. If the big red stallion could harness himself, he could pull the two of them away from the King and the mares, and Shining could use his magic to keep them off while Braeburn… he wasn’t sure what Braeburn could do.

“Ah, and now we come to the revelation,” Sombra, moving in between them, dropped the trio on the ground. All of them landed on their hooves, but Shining could still feel a damper on his horn. They might have to fight their way out the hard way instead.

“You see, only a couple moons ago, I managed to finally avoid Luna’s watch enough to track down this pathetic excuse of a unicorn,” Sombra pointed with his hoof towards Shining, who snorted back at him, “And I planned to warp his mind enough in the dream world so that he would have gone insane in the waking world. However, searching through his memories, so that I could use the terrifying ones, I came across a strange and recent memory involving an interesting… contest. It seems the princesses of Equestria now hold competitions to see which one is the most beautiful and fair among them all, with ‘flanks’ being the judged prize between them. After I witnessed that memory, I decided to change my plan, and develop a new strategy, using a similar sort of contest to determine who would be the most agreeable to the eyes of a good portion of the population to have rule over them.”

Braeburn recoiled back in shock, fearing what sort of contest he would be pitted against the other stallions. Big Mac raised an eyebrow and looked towards Shining on what exactly the ‘flanks’ contest was between the princesses.

“All of the princesses and I were on a walk a couple weeks back and saw a graffiti poll about ‘Which Princess had the Best Flanks’. But, I don’t know what Sombra is planning from that…’contest’,” Shining explained, ignoring the part about what he did and saw that same night.

“Personally speaking, as one stallion to another stallion, I think you could have done better then Princess Cadenza, Shining,” Sombra smirked. Shining glared daggers at the crystal king, and once more tried to use his horn, and once more he felt the damper on it.

“Now, while you three might recognize they’re in one shared part of the dreamspace, these ladies are not,” Sombra explained. “Rather, a piece of their mind is embedded in each and every one of these mares so that the stallion they are dreaming about will be hidden from them, but they will subconsciously choose between us four to fill in that gap in their dreams. They will choose of their own will, rather then having our judges be pre-made and geared towards only their maker, or having only miniscule standards and support all of us.”

“Wait, us four?” Braeburn asked, swiveling his head around to see if there was a fourth member to the trapped colts.

“Y…yes. By four, I am including myself in this contest. And as the one who made it, I shall be the first to be judged, and you will watch me to see how you are supposed to act.”

“Aw, but you’re the one that made the contest, they’re all gonna pick you! That ain’t fair at all to the rest of us!” Braeburn complained.

Sombra stared, dumbfounded by the cowpony. “You… you did hear me say how the mares will choose on their own, because they are in some parts here with us?”

“What, they’re also trapped here with us? How many ponies did you take!?” Braeburn gasped.

The other three ponies on stage, crystal king included, stared at Braeburn. Big Mac wondered how hard his mother had really hit the cowpony. Weren’t her fault that he as a colt tried to scare her that one Nightmare Night and she reacted by bucking whatever was in front of her (that being his young blond colt head).

“…Moving on. Watch, as I show you fools the pinnacle of stallion grace and majesty!” Sombra stepped away from the trio and took his spot on a raised circle platform, able to be seen by all.

His form, still emiting shadows from his mane, calmed down into the most normal look Shining had ever seen on Sombra. Jet black hair was slicked back, and a purple coat covered the crystal king, as he posed for a few moments and let the mares wolf-whistle and cheer at the stallion on stage.

Shining had to admit. He was a looker for a royal.

“Thank you, ladies. I very much appreciate the fine jobs you are doing today,” a more noble and sweet voice came forth from the crystal king’s mouth. It was the kind that would make you think that the unicorn standing in front of you could do no harm, and would only be working to help other ponies.

The crowd whooped and hollered as the king posed a few more times. Shining and Big Mac heard a shrill wolf-whistle next to them, and looked to see Braeburn clapping along like the mares.

“What are you doing?!” Shining chided.

“What? This is fun!” Braeburn replied, happily clapping as Sombra walked off the stage. The king went back to the trio with a smirk that scared Big Mac.

“Well, now that I have the competition roaring, let’s see how the farm pony reels in the crowd towards his side.” Big Mac took a tentative step forward before a question popped in his mind.

“Wait a sec, how come me and Brae are here? Ain’t this between only you and the city colt?”

“Hey!”

“An astute question, my red friend. While I originally designed the contest to be just between him and me, I had the thought that we could make the competition a little more interesting by adding more contestants. I scanned the dreams of mares all across Equestria to see what stallions they were dreaming about, and I found that a good portion of the towns you other two reside in. There was another stallion as well, in the Pegasus city of Cloudsdale, who was a beloved athlete among them. However, Soarin’ was a member of the military as well, so I thought he might prove troublesome later on. There were a couple more stallions dreamt about here and there, such as another athlete named Double Diamond and even the Crystal Empire’s current personal advisor Sunburst, but I decided to choose the two major ones before Luna could catch me out in the open, and ruin all the plans I had set before I could even begin.”

The two apple cousins looked at each other with uncomfortable glances, not sure what to do with the information that apparently a lot of ponies thought of them in their dreams.

“Also, for the cowpony, apparently some stallions also dream of you too. Care to explain?” Sombra asked with a raised brow.

“Stallions? Eh, maybe they’re just dreamin’ of us having fun around Appleloosa. Caramel Apple once told me he likes it whenever I pin him down in our wrestling matches,” Braeburn said.

All three stallions again stared at Braeburn, with Sombra silently marveling at the ignorance of the cowpony.

“Right. So with that in mind, let us enjoy what the red farmpony might show off,” Sombra spoke. He took Big Mac’s place as the red stallion hesitantly walked forward onto the raised platform.

“One more thing!” Sombra called out. “That platform is enchanted. Whatever you think you could use to win the hearts of Equestria, you need only to think of it, and it will be shone. It’s why I chose this old form,” Sombra explained, his slick hair and purple cloak still on him, but the voice now changed back to the original dark tone they all knew.

Immediately, Big Mac’s mind went into overdrive. He tried to think of different ways he could ‘woo’ the mares, with the thought of failure going to be death in the dream world and in the real world, courtesy of Sombra. He didn’t want to die!

Finally, as he walked onto the platform, eyes all on him, he decided to do the one thing he knew a couple mares back home liked about him. Suddenly, a tree was conjured out of the ground of the platform, which the floor seemingly grew bigger than what he originally thought. Not daring to understand the nature of the platform at this point, Big Mac walked over to the tree and bucked it with his hind legs, sending down all manners of fruit onto the platform.

He didn’t even know there was fruit shaped like stars. He’d have to look for them to see what they taste like when he woke up. If he woke up.

“Hmm, bucking. This shows that he may have strong hips, which might appeal to the more lustful of the crowd, but what could he do to win the rest?” Sombra mused out loud. Braeburn watched intensely, hoping that Big Mac knew what he was doing. Shining still took a couple glances at the cart, being careful to know when to strike Sombra to give them enough time to run.

Back on the platform, Big Mac took some time throwing out fruit to the crowd, who took his fruit giddily. On one of the last throws, a conjured filly came up behind him, and Big Mac happily kneeled down and helped to open up an apple, giving the slices to the filly. The crowd cooed and awed at his gentle kindness, and more mares wolf-whistled and hollered.

Big Mac, having a knowing smile on his face, then thought about a large bucket filled with water. At the thought of it, the platform conjured it in front of him, and he held the bucket in place as the red stallion dipped his head in.

With a smile, he whipped his head back into the air, and the water logged mane fell flat against his back as the stallion looked over the crowd. If the crowd was any louder, the stallions would have gone deaf, as the mares whooped and cheered Big Mac. Feeling his goal was accomplished, he stepped off the platform and headed back towards the other stallions. At first, he felt giddy, as the attention was getting to him even after his initial stage-fright.

However, when he saw Sombra frowning, his excitement died, and the weight of the situation pressed down upon him again.

“A very… unusual performance, farmer. By that, I expected a little less of you, and I didn’t think the attention might get to you. If it takes only a couple claps to lose your mind to only the will of the ponies, you might not make it well as a leader,” Sombra gave his opinion. Big Mac didn’t give any physical cues of his feelings, but Braeburn could tell through the red stallion’s expression that even he was angry at the blasted king thinking less of him, even though all the stallions clearly heard the mares cheering louder for Mac than for Sombra.

“Well, which one of the next two will you choose to go next?” Sombra asked, pointing a hoof at Braeburn and Shining Armor, who suddenly felt scared on the spot.

“The guard might have a few tricks up his mane, let’s see what he can do,” Big Mac said. Shining Armor stepped forward with an uneasy look on his face while the red stallion took his place in the trio of stallions watching from the stage.

Stepping up onto the platform, Shining’s mind began thinking of what he could do to win the mares over. The first thing that came to mind was one thing that his mother had said before.

“Mares love a stallion in uniform.”

At that thought, Shining felt himself clad in his formal officer’s uniform, his mane automatically made prim and proper according to royal guard standards. Several cheers came out from the crowd, but not nearly as loud as Sombra’s cheers were, much less Macintosh’s.

“Uhhhh,” Shining uttered. Other than the uniform, he was completely flummoxed on what to do.

“Is that all ya got?” Braeburn called out.

“No, it’s not! I just, uh, I just need to think!” Shining replied

“Ya didn’t think about what you were gonna do before ya got on stage?” Braeburn asked.

“Well I’m married, I’m not usually thinking about how I can woo mares anymore!”

“Wait, you’re married? Then what are you doing trying to woo mares now?!”

Shining Armor stared back at Braeburn with an unreadable expression. Braeburn turned to see his cousin also stare strangely at him. At the sight of Sombra’s raised eyebrow, the situation came back to Braeburn.

“Oh, right. Uh… Just think of something ta say!”

“Like what, you dumb cowpony?!”

“I dunno, you’re the city colt! Just think about what you say ta your wife that she likes hearin’ from ya or something!”

Shining quickly scanned his memories for anything that might help him. Remembering a very old memory from when he first starting dating Cadence, he took a couple deep breaths and gurgled a little bit to see how low his voice could go.

“Ahem,” he began, smouldering his eyes at the crowd. “Omelette du fromage," Shining spoke with smouldering eyes out at the crowd.

Immediately, the whole crowd practically bursted in glee, some mares even fainting in bliss. Cries of “say it again!” rung out among the sea of ponies.

With a couple confused blinks, Shining coughed before speaking, “Omelette… du fromage?”

Again, the crowd went wild, more mares fainting and more mares screaming for more. Shining, being slightly afraid for his life, shambled off the stage before his ears would go deaf at all the cheering.

Sombra glared. “Well, at least you have a silver tongue, and have some degree of military training,” he scoffed. Shining glared back before letting Braeburn step forward to take his place.

“Alrighty, Brae, this is simple. Just, look good like mama taught ya, and you’re set. You don’t know what will happen ta those that lose this thing, but you can probably bet that it won’t end pretty for them. Oh, horseapples…” Brae psyched himself up as he got to the platform, but soon was at a loss for what to do.

The cowpony stood there on stage posing like a deer trapped in front of a bright light, his eyes widened as he started panicking. “Uh, Big Mac? What do I do, Cuz?”

“I dunno. Do that smile of yours I guess,” Big Mac replied, being aware of how quiet the crowd was as they were waiting for the cowpony to do something.

“What smile?” Braeburn turned back towards the other stallions. “Ya mean like this?”

Braeburn opened his teeth up wide, closing his eyes in fake glee. It was his ‘happy at work’ smile, at least as much as he forced it to be.

“Smile over there, you fool. No, the other one. Ya know, the one that accidentally got cousin Fiddle Faddle to faint and then try to slobber all over you in the middle of her fiddle playing?”

Shining raised an eyebrow at the ‘cousin’ part.

“Oh, you mean like this one?” Braeburn tilted his head back before widening his lips to one side, and flashing a more sultry smile, half-lidded eyes and a glint in his teeth sealing the deal.

Before Braeburn could complete the smile with the glint, Big Mac reacted quickly and shut one hoof over both of Shining’s eyes. “Not to us, ya fool! To the darn crowd!” He quickly shut his eyes hoping he didn’t catch the glint.

After a brief half-second, he heard the “shing!” of the glint, and thanked his lucky stars he didn’t get caught in the smile. However, the other stallion beside him and Shining wasn’t so lucky. A girlish squeal was heard before a loud “thump!” resonated next to them.

“Oi, get your hoof off me! What’s with covering… my… eyes?” Shining grumbled as he shoved off Big Mac’s hoof, before both he and the red farmpony saw the fainted form of Sombra, his eyes half lidded in bliss with his mouth hanging wide open in a smile. Every few seconds, one of his hooves twitched.

“What the… what did you do?” Shining asked.

“Weren’t me. That’s what always happens whenever Braeburn flashes that smile of his anywhere. Mare or stallion, they always faint harder than a pony in the desert. Sometimes the ponies even try to go after him. It’s why I had to cover your eyes, so it wouldn’t happen to you too,” Macintosh explained.

Shining was about to ask how that could be even possible, but then suddenly had an idea. “Wait, how long will he be out?”

“Uh, not long. Why?”

“How fast can you run on a cart?”

“You’re looking at the Everfree regional carriage racer ten time straight champion.”

“Good, now see that cart… wait. Isn’t carriage racing illegal?”

“Not like ya care when you’re on moonshine. Braeburn!” Big Mac yelled, ignoring the question and getting the cowpony’s attention. “I need ya to smile over where that cart is. We’re getting out like in Dodge Junction, Apple Reunion ’97!”

“Ya still owe me 50 bits from that!” Braeburn called out before flashing his smile towards the area where the cart sat. All the mares in a cone away from the platform squealed like Sombra before fainting on the spot.

“Run!” Shining ordered, and both he and Big Mac jumped away from the stage onto the ground below, being careful in their running not to trample any of the fallen mares. The crowd that was still conscious now tried to follow after the stallions, almost catching Braeburn as he jumped off the platform and joined up with the two other escaping stallions.

Suddenly, guard pegasi flew up in front of the stallions, surprising them as they kept running.

“Close your eyes! Brae, smile!” Big Mac called out. Both he and Shining closed their eyes as they heard squeals after thumps of guards falling prey to the perfect smile of the cowpony.

They heard a big collective squeal behind him as the ground slightly shook, as if something hit a table and caused it to shake in response. “Open your eyes, I got the ones behind us too!” Braeburn said.

Both stallions took a chance to look behind them, seeing the rest of the crowd fainting, and the fallen guards passing by them. They looked straight again, almost crashing into the cart.

“I’m hooking myself up, but since you’re two ponies, I won’t be as fast, and we won’t go as far before I get tired,” Big Mac explained, hitching himself up to the cart.

“I’ll use my magic to make us nearly weightless, so it will feel like you’re got only saddlebags instead. Just make sure those reins are strapped on tight,” Shining said, casting a spell with his horn not feeling the damper anymore. The spell made the cart glow a faint blue before dispersing. At his first few steps, Big Mac had to check and make sure the reins hadn’t actually fallen off, feeling like he wasn’t pulling anything at all.

“Uh, guys?” Braeburn spoke in horror. “They’re awake… and they’re coming after us…”

Behind them, the mares, the guards, and a large ominous cloud in the shape of the king they all hated was rapidly closing in on them. With no time to waste, Big Mac looked forward, with a hard squint at the old city streets before him.

“Hold on, gentlecolts,” he uttered.

“Aw, I hated this part from Dodge Junction…” Braeburn complained, his hooves tightening their grip on the front of the seat in their cart.

“Okay, what exactly happened in DooooOOOOODGE!” Before Shining could complete his question, Big Macintosh surged forward at an amazing speed, almost already at the same pace as the group chasing them. The royal ex-captain almost fell off his seat before his hoof was grabbed and pulled back by Braeburn, and they instantly slung to the front just like the cowpony’s.

Shining never thought he would be in a cart as fast as this one, but yet here he was breaking several speeding laws of carriages down an ancient dream recreation of the Crystal Empire.

He could only hope Luna could get to them in time.

“Ugh, 89 scores but yet we only have 3 spaces of lines left. Where is that blasted 4 block line shape when you need it!?”

“Woohoooo, just like old times, huh Cuz!?” Braeburn, more familiar with the cart’s speed than Shining Armor, whooped and hollered as the stallions sped down the streets, the crowd of mares and guards hot behind them. Despite the immense speed, it seemed some of the guards and Sombra himself were gaining on them.

“Were you guys ever chased while you were carriage racing?!” Shining yelled, the question being something of a random thought said out loud.

“Chased by a unicorn who wants ta kill all of us, and chased by a bunch of mares who I think will tear us ta pieces, naw. But being chased by guards though, now that’s something we’ve done before!” Braeburn spoke with an excited smile.

Shining blinked at the cowpony.

“Brae, he’s also a guard too! He’s the blasted captain, for Celestia’s sake!” Big Mac called out from in front, barely breaking a few sweats as he rumbled down the track.

“Oh…” Braeburn cringed, realizing he just revealed some incriminating information about his and Big Mac’s not so legal activities when they were colts.

“Get us out of here safe and sound, and I’ll forget this!” Shining yelled out.

“Mac, get us out of here!” Braeburn hastily ordered.

The red stallion only nodded, trying his best to pour out some extra speed. However, it was almost too late, as the guards and Sombra were soon close enough to speak.

“Halt!” the guards yelled.

“Go find other carts ta catch, ya pigs!” Braeburn yelled in reply.

“Fools! Do you think you can so easily escape the confines of my dreamscape!? This is my domain, that I have carved out from Luna’s grasp, and she will never be able to save you!”

“Ooo, 97, C’MON YOU OLD NAG AND WIN THIS BLASTED PUZZLE!”

“It wouldn’t hurt to try!” Shining called out. “Braeburn, use your smile!”

Unfortunately, Shining forgot the important rule about Braeburn’s smile, and thus… he witnessed it.

Shining Armor was a married stallion. He was married to a beautiful wife, and he was committed to being loyal to his wife, especially after the disastrous wedding.

But that glint… those half-lidded eyes… the smile, it did things to him. He could feel a pressure deep within, wanting to seize that moment and hold the stallion in a passionate moment...

And so he squealed and fainted inside the cart, and Braeburn had to reach out to keep the captain from slipping out of the cart again.

“Well, if you were the captain, it ain’t no wonder why we weren’t caught!” Braeburn exclaimed as he lifted the unconscious guard back into the cart. His smile still worked, however, as the trio sped away from the again fainted forms of Sombra and his guards.

Seeing open land in front of him, being on the outskirts of the Crystal Empire, Big Macintosh double-timed it, hoping to reach some sort of edge that he can break through and then wake himself up to get away from Sombra. Being on uneven ground instead of the paved roads, the cart rumbled more and more, unfortunately shaking Shining Armor enough to hit his head on his side of the cart.

“Ow…” he groaned, waking up. Instantly his senses returned to him in the dream world faster than in the waking world, and he felt whiplash at the situation of him being unconscious within a dream.

“How is it even possible that ponies can faint while dreaming!?” he yelled.

“ENOUGH!” the trio heard an enraged voice screech. Suddenly, the cart blinked out of existence, the two ponies riding it before now falling to the ground. Big Mac, hearing their falls, skidded for a few meters before stopping himself and getting back to his cousin and Shining.

“I have had enough of you three! I suppose even acting as a better host, and using the contest if only to have some fun within the dream world as now I cannot directly affect Equestria anymore, you ponies cannot do anything but be a thorn in my side, you all leave me no choice. Suffer insanity, as your darkest memories haunt you forever!” Sombra charged up his crystal horn, an ominous green and black ball cracking with electricity forming in between the stallions and Sombra. Shining tried to raise up a shield, but he felt the damper on his horn. All his hope left, and he stared in shock as he prepared for the suffering and pain that was sure to follow.

“WHO DARES TO RAID MY DREAMSCAPE AND PERVERT IT WITH THEIR NEFARIOUS SCHEMES!?” a loud feminine voice howled above the crackle of the spell. All four stallions and the guards looked up in fear as the Princess guardian of dreams loomed with a dark and unforgiving expression in the ‘sky’ of the dream.

“What? How… how is this possible? How did you manage to get past my wards?! They were impenetrable!”

“Your wards faced the Canterlot Tetris champion, vile king of the north. Now be gone with your dark arts, and never return!”

With that declaration, a bright blue light surrounded the dreamscape, and the beings of Sombra and the guards slowly lit up from within, fading away into the light.

“No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Sombra yelled as he was purged from the dreamscape. Soon, the light became too harsh to see, and the three trapped stallions had to cover their eyes.

When they opened them, they found themselves in an expanse of space, distant stars blinking all around them. They each took a few hesitant steps forward before Luna, in a fully present form, appeared in front of them.

“Well, that ends that chapter of our lives. Although, considering how we know other ponies to have taken the credit for Sombra’s destruction, let’s just keep the memories of this night to us, no?” Luna asked.

“Yes, your highness,” Shining Armor said, bowing before his ruler of the night. The other two stallions did so, before Braeburn stood right back up.

“Wow, the real Princess Luna! Sorry you had ta come and rescue us like that. I’m sure we’ve taken up a lotta your time tryin’ to get past all those… er, whatever that dark guy called the things that kept you out for a while.”

“Nonsense, my dear subject,” Luna spoke, smiling as she addressed Braeburn. “I do not detect anything else that are affecting my fellow subjects in their dreams, so I full-heartedly devoted my dream work to defeating Sombra tonight.”

“Well, I’m really grateful and all that you came to save us, Princess. But, if you don’t mind, I’d like to wake up right now so I can go take a shower. I feel really… dirty, after tonight’s events,” Shining asked, a slight shiver going down his spine as he briefly recalled his time on stage.

“Since I only came in near the end, I must ask what vile things Sombra has done to you three,” Luna requested.

The three stallions shook their heads. “While we ain’t saying what happened here tonight to anypony, I don’t think we’ll forget anything about tonight either. Sorry, princess, but ya really don’t wanna know what happened,” Big Macintosh explained.

“Oh, well, I hope it wasn’t anything too traumatizing. As for your request to wake up…”

Luna hesitated. Here were three strapping and handsome young stallions, right here in front of her, and very grateful for her rescue of them. One of them might be married, but Luna was sure his wife wouldn’t mind if she took him out for one night.

“I must decline your request, Shining Armor. The magic that has brought you into conscious contact with one another has linked your minds in such a way that if one of you were to wake now, it could potentially cause mental damage to you all. You will all each have to wake up naturally from your own deep slumbers in order to avoid harm. And I’m afraid to say that the night is still rather young, it will be a couple hours more until you wake.”

All three stallions were mildly terrified at the thought of causing damage to their brains just by waking. Braeburn stepped up. “Well, your highness, if we’re gonna have ta be stuck aroun’ here a little longer, what should we do ta pass the time?”

At that, Luna couldn’t help her guilty smirk. “Well, attacking those wards were very tiring, and I would rather like to spend these last few hours relaxing, wouldn’t you agree?”

All at once, the stallions found themselves in a dreamscape of a small island’s beach. “Now, while I could conjure some servants, I see three handsome stallions here whom I am assuming they are willing to show their gratitude for their rescue, are they not?”

Luna trotted over to the edge of the beach, where she conjured up a towel to lie on. Big Mac and Braeburn took a moment to explore the island, having never been to one as stallions of rural country. The sweet and salty smell of the sea, the sand being a perfect temperature of not too hot but not too cold, and the clear and mostly calm waves of the beach all combined to form the perfect island paradise. Big Mac made a note to plan the next Apple reunion on a beach.

With their exploration of the small island done within an hour, the two Apple stallions walked back to where they saw Princess Luna lay on the sand. However, when they arrived, they saw the city colt massaging the Princess’s back with sunblock lotion, a very giddy smile on his face.

“Say, ain’t that colt married?”

“Eeyup. Hope his wife don’t mind…”

Author's Note

Well, this is the longest chapter I've ever done yet, I think. Yeesh, and it took me over two weeks to do it..

Well, it was still fun. Thanks to you all for liking the first story!

...And now back to the grind of making more chapters...