Enough To Go Around

by ZoastyToasty

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Anthro, Alternate Universe, Human, Romance
Length: 3899

A human male finds himself in a strange land, obviously none other than Equestria. Being the only male alive in the entire world, he's going to have to confront the idea that if he ever wants to get laid again, it's going to have to be with another s

A human male finds himself in a strange land, obviously none other than Equestria. Being the only male alive in the entire world, he's going to have to confront the idea that if he ever wants to get laid again, it's going to have to be with another species. Especially since every creature will be vying for him.

Maybe it won't be that . . . hard?

The story will be a bit on the slower side, so expect A LOT of chapters. Any existing male characters will be rule 63'd.

Shameful clopfic with plenty of romance sex both.
Mature for sex, drugs, vulgarity, violence, gore, and more sex, all the typical stuff.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-05 10:39:11 UTC

Chapter 1 - Awakening

Don't you fucking hate waking up in someone else's house feeling panicked for a second when you have no clue where you are? Yeah me too.

I blearily opened my eyes to find myself in a dark cell. The charcoal bricks that made up my solitary confines were quite unweathered as if they had never held a prisoner. There was light leaking in from the cell door window, the bars casting a silhouette across the room. The room was pretty spacious for what I assumed was a dungeon prison cell. I was laying on a very soft bed, the frame made of ornate wood with a cushioned mattress and what might be the most comfortable sheets I've covered myself with. It certainly didn't fit the style of the room, to say the least. There was a square drain in the corner of the room, which I assumed was there for a very obvious reason. I had my steel basketball shorts and black shirt on. Pulling the sheets off, I sat up, my feet pressing against the cold stone floor, a shiver running through me. I check my body for any injuries but seem to be unscathed.

I run my hand through my short brown hair and rub my brown eyes. Dammit, all I remember is being in bed at home, ready to go to sleep. The only sound a constant droplet of water from within the drain. I hope they don't waterboard me, or worse, whoever "they" are. About 8 minutes pass when suddenly my thoughts break as I hear boots stomping and heels clicking from outside my cell. I could start to make out a female voice.

". . . we detained is in here your highness," said a rough, gravelly female voice. "He was asleep, but that might not be the case anymore. Open the door, we need to make sure he won't hurt anyone or the princess," she finished. A couple of tumblers started knocking around in the door and it slowly opened, light pouring in. I cover my eyes as the light blinds me. I hear two people step in the room.

"Well, it's apparent he's awake. Do you understand me?" said the voice. As my eyes adjust, I see 2 figures in front of me. What's surprising is that they aren't human, but something I've never seen before.

Two anthropomorphic unicorns are standing in front of me wearing glistening golden chest pieces and helmets, with a gold-plated skirt and boots. Their armor represents that of a centurion. They both have broadswords in their sheaths strapped to their waists. The one on the left stands at 5'9 while the other is 5'11, barely shorter than my 6-foot stature. I can easily make out the fact that they are female not only from the one on the right's voice but from the fact that they have tits, nice ones at that. Their faces are in a very similar structure to that of a human, say for their the fact they had a muzzle. Their ears resemble a horse's, moving and twitching ever so slightly at the sound of the dripping. The parts of their bodies I can see are covered with fur.

The unicorn on the right is an ice white and has a black eye patch on her right eye, a long scar underneath coming across her strong cheek to her fuzzy brow. She has a powerful jaw, almost masculine in shape. Her visible eye is a cold steel, a hardened, but tired look directed at me, her thin lips pursed. Her short, loosely kept tail and mohawk mane are a dark gray. She's quite muscular if her biceps and powerful legs are anything to go by. It's hard to tell through her armor, but her chest seems to be hosting 2 C cups.

Her comrade on the left is a lighter shade of purple and has two cyber yellow eyes staring right at me. A look of curiosity shows on her face, her bright eyes looking me over. Her cheeks are angular, the contours matching well with her full, dark purple lips. Her long, wild tail is a very similar shade of yellow to her eyes, a purple lightning strike driving through it. Her short, wild, yellow mane shoots out of her helmet, making it hard to tell it's natural shape. She is almost as physically built as her partner, packing an incredible rack of D's.

I finally realize I've been staring at them like a dumbass for at least 5 seconds.

"Uhhh," is all I can mutter out. The two look to each other, an eyebrow raised skeptically. They look back to me.

"I'll take that as a yes," says the one I've dubbed "Cyclops" for the time being. "Do you mind explaining yourself, as to what and who you are?" her gaze hardening again.

"The name's Steve, Steve Milligan. I'm a human, we share a common ancestor with monkeys on the planet Earth. Do you mind telling me what the fuck is going on?" I ask.

"In time, but right now, you're an alien of sorts. We need to ask you a couple of things and we'll answer your questions, okay?" Seems easy enough. I nod. "Good. Now, how did you get here?" Welp, too bad I don't know.

"I-I'm not too sure. All I remember is going to sleep last night in my bed and woke up being stuck in a cell," I respond.

"Hmm, alright," she clucked. "We found you lying on a bed in Central Square of Canterlot earlier this morning. There were a bunch of your personal belongings scattered around. You've been out for what we believe to be 10 hours," she responded, her gruff, orderly tone never changing. "I know this is a stupid thing to ask, but can we trust you?" she asked, her eyes narrowing a bit.

"Yes?" I replied slowly, giving her a nervous laugh. She gives me a scrutinizing look, then shrugs.

"I guess that will suffice. Princess Celestia, you may enter."

The sound of heels clicking reaches my ears again. A larger figure enters through the door, walking with grace unmatched. Standing at 6'4 is a unicorn an alicorn with a long blue, green, and pink mane and tail flowing in some unforeseeable breeze. Her mane covers one of her beautiful magenta eyes, a motherly smile gracing her features. Her thinly plucked eyebrows are relaxed as she approaches me, her two guards stepping aside while I crane my neck up to keep eye contact.  She's wearing a golden crown and necklace. Her two large swan-like wings are extruding from her back. She has a shimmering gold dress on, covering her unbelievable E cup size breasts, with gold heels to match.

"Hello there, Steve Milligan, correct?" I just nod, stunned at the goddess in front of me.

"Just Steve works . . ." I nearly whisper.

"Well Steve, my name is Celestia, ruler of Equestria. I'd like to officially welcome you and apologize for placing you in here. It was just a safety measure I assure," she said with a motherly smile.

"I understand, this is probably one of the better prison cells I've seen, other than the fact that it doesn't have a toilet," I said, still not entirely sure about the situation.

"Have you been in prison before?" she asks, her left eyebrow raised.

"N-No, no, merely pictures of prison cells back on Earth. Are you guys gonna keep me locked in here?" I ask timidly. She simply smiles and shakes her head.

"Certainly not young man, we weren't even sure if you could speak. We'd much prefer you to come with me to the upper levels of the castle, considering your problem, I'd prefer you stay in a royal suite until we can, fix, your predicament. I'm not too sure how to say this, but I'm not certain if we can send you home . . ." she said, remorse seeping into her words. I frowned. I may never see my family or friends again?

"Oh, that's a lot to take in princess." She extends her hand to help me stand, looming over me by a couple inches. I grab it and stand up, still having to look up to see her face. She rests a hand on my shoulder.

"I understand this is incredibly troubling, but if you feel anxious or worried, I'd be happy to speak with you," her smile reassuring. I let out a sigh.

"Thank you, Celestia-" I was immediately cut off by one of the guards.

"That's Princess Celestia to you," Cyclops chided. Princess Celestia frowned and looked towards her outspoken guard.

"Sergent Steel Will, calm yourself. Not only is he not my subject but you should understand that the use of my title is something I have come to dislike," the perky demigod retorted. Steel Will, formerly Cyclops, had an apologetic look on her face.

"Of course princ- Celestia," she said as she bowed slightly. Her head snapped to me and gave me a mean glare. I shuddered. Already making enemies it seems. Celestia either didn't notice or ignored it.

"It's okay Steel Will, I understand that you hold the utmost respect for me. Steve, this is Sergent Steel Will, second in command to my captain, Gleaming Shield. On my right is First Lieutenant Lightning Pierce." The energetic unicorn smiled.

"Hiya! Nice to meet you!" she chirped in a silvery voice. I smiled at her.

"Nice to meet you as well."

"Now then, let's get out of this cell so we can discuss our . . . situation." I nodded.

"Righty then, lead the way ladies." The three turned and lead me out of the cell while I did my best not to steal glances of their rears.

With Celestia in front and the two guards flanking me, I followed her up a large flight of stairs lit by torches. The archaic structures were quite grand, giving me the vibe of a fairytale. Didn't seem too far off, talking unicorns, a princess. Next, they're gonna tell me they have magic. We reached the top of the stairs where two guards were posted, both female. We walked through a small hallway, into a grand throne room. I was impressed, to say the least.

"This is where I hold day court and my sister holds night court," Celestia said as we walked across the room. Her large golden throne sat on the left of me, with two guards standing next to it, and another 4 at respective pillars in the huge room. A massively long red carpet stretched from the throne to the gigantic golden doors on my far right. There were colored glass windows painting colors across the room depicting what I assumed was their history.

"So why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself Steve?" asked Celestia. We walked through a pair of double doors into a long hallway. The pearlescent tile floor seemed to stretch on forever, with large windows lining the hall on the left and various doors on the right. The white ornate walls and pillars glimmered in the midday sun as we walked. Valleys winded and plains stretched across the landscape far below. I then realized that we were insanely high above the ground, looking down I could see the steep decline of the cliff this castle seemed to be hanging on. I turned back to the princess, awaiting my answer.

"I'm 22 years old, I was working in a warehouse full-time making a decent wage. Had a nice apartment, I was doing pretty alright. Although, I'm not too sure if that really matters anymore."

"You mentioned Earth?" she said, trying to change the subject.

"Uh yeah, that's the planet I lived on. I've never heard of Equestria so I assume I'm not on Earth anymore." I saw a couple of maids as I walked by, good looking too. They gave me curious glances. One winked at me.

"You'd be correct. We live on the planet Equis. It's home to many creatures other than us ponies. Griffons, dragons, zebras, donkeys, minotaurs, buffalos, and a more recently discovered race of changelings. There's even a draconequus living here in the palace," she stated. Seems like this is a place of mythology, although calling it that is now incorrect. We passed another couple of female guards. They were catching a glance at me, probably never saw anything like me before.

"You stare at everyone like that?" Steel goaded the guards. I looked over my shoulder. They just returned to looking stoic. Steel glared at me, prompting me to face forward again.

"Seems like almost everything here is part of the human mythology. Unicorns, dragons and the likes. They're usually associated with magic, you wouldn't happen to have magic here, would you?" We had reached what appeared to be an office behind two wooden doors, a desk in the center by a large window. There was a table on the right with 6 chairs parked next to it, a coffee machine sat on a counter a couple feet away. The room had a large picture of a sun on the floor. Celestia turned and smirked.

"Indeed we do. Why, do you find a fascination with magic?" she inquired.

"Fascination? We don't even have magic on Earth, other than slight of hand. You're telling me you have, like, spells?" I perplexed. No sooner than when I said that, the end chair glowed, the same golden aura that was surrounding her horn. The chair slid out of its place next to the table.

"Care for a seat, Steve?" Celestia chuckled. I just looked to Celestia and to the chair.

"Why am I not surprised?" I plainly stated. I sat in the chair, Celestia sat across from me, while Steel Will sat on Celestia's right.

"Pierce, would you mind brewing us some coffee, as well as for our new friend? That is if our guest would care for a cup," she said as she turned to me.

"Sure, I could use a wake me up."

"Gotcha pal, 3 cups coming up!" she replied. As Pierce started the brewing process, Steel was mindlessly drumming her fingers on the table, still keeping her gaze in my general direction, and Celestia was smiling at me.

"Assuming I haven't already answered your question, there are multiple types of magic. Unicorns can cast spells like you mentioned, while Earth ponies and Pegasi use passive magic. Earth ponies possess incredible strength and an innate ability to grow crops. Pegasi have increased strength, but not near the capabilities of an Earth pony. Their wings are almost as agile as their fingers and they're resistant to cold temperatures. They also manipulate the weather and walk on clouds."

"They control the fucking weather? That's pretty sick, can they take naps on the clouds?" I pondered.

"They sure can!" Pierce exclaimed. "I see some of the winged guards doing it, they say pillows don't come close." Nice.

"I must say you've been quite casual with the situation Steve," Celestia remarked. Pierce had sat next to me on my left, a smile on her face as she awaited my answer.

"I could say the same. I don't know, it's just so surreal. Never thought I'd just wake up in another dimension or planet or whatever," I said absentmindedly.

"Hey, you're in good company!" Pierce chimed, giving me a big grin. She places her right hand on my left shoulder. "I know we just met, but we'll be here in the case that you can't get home right Steel?" she said as she turned to her friend. Steel fixes her eye on me as Celestia watches.

"Yeah yeah, but talk to Pierce before coming to me," she quipped. I let out a light chuckle.

"Sassy." She snorted. "Thank you, all of you. It's good to know I can confide in someone." Pierce just gave me a wink and got up and started pouring our cups. She dropped two cubes of sugar in one mug and none in the other.

"Would you like some sugar, Steve?" Pierce asked.

"Just one cube is fine, thanks," I replied. She drops the cube in and places the first mug in front of Celestia and the second in front of Steel. She places the last one in front of me. Just by grabbing the mug, I can tell this coffee is incredibly hot. I decide to wait until it cools before touching it again. Celestia stirs her coffee, Steel simply takes a sip of hers while Pierce takes her seat next to me.

"So about me going home . . ." I begin. Celestia clears her throat after taking a sip.

"My sister and I will be looking into tracing if your appearance here was of magical concern. If we do find anything, we'll have to figure out if we can send you home, safely too," she stated. My odds of getting back to the Milky Way seem low.

"And if you can't?" I say worriedly. She closes her eyes.

"Then you'll have to integrate into our society or find your way in the world," she answered. Oh. Hopefully, that doesn't happen.

"Well, it could be worse," I admitted.

"That's the attitude," Steel said, sipping at her coffee. I took a drink of my own, after feeling the mug and confirming it was cooler. It was quite delicious. The sugar added a bit of sweetness to the bitter liquid. It certainly wasn't as bitter as coffee back home, which I definitely did not mind.

"Mmm, that's good, far less bitter as coffee on Earth." I put my mug down.

"Tell us a bit more about your species, I overheard that you're a decedent from monkeys?" Celestia asked.

"We share a common ancestor with them. The oldest piece of recorded history goes back about 5,000 years, not too sure myself, though. We're omnivorous, bu-" I started as I was cut off.

"So you eat, you know," Pierce started, looking a bit nervously towards me, "meat?" Celestia and Steel were staring at me.

"Well, uh, yeah. On Earth, we're the only sentient species, so anything is really game. Don't get me wrong though, a large number of people are becoming vegetarians and I've given the idea a lot of thought. It's just been a bit rough trying to drop eating meat, it's a pretty big part of my diet. I would prefer to live without it, the way they treat animals in those slaughter houses is disgusting." The 3 of them blanched.

"S-slaughter houses?" Pierce asked. I had their attention now.

"Yeah, most of them are vile places where these douchebags hang chickens by their feet and slit their throats after a long cruel life and grind them up for packaging. The world is full of injustice, that's why I try my best to see it for what it could be, not what it is," I commented.

"That's honorable," Steel admitted, gazing at me with that sharp eye of hers.

"Thank you, a lot of people are deceived and are so into their own bullshit, they don't even honestly question it. There are lots of good people, most are just full of bad ideas. Anyways, I was a citizen of the United States of America. I'm just one out of hundreds of millions living there." I take another sip of my coffee. Damn that's good.

"Your population is in the hundred millions?" Celestia spluttered, her two guards not even noticing her social faux pas.

"Yeah, that's just the U.S. There are about 7 billion people on Earth." They all gaped at me.

"What!?" yelled Steel Will. I jumped in my seat at her volume. "Do you fuck like rabbits?" Celestia and Pierce giggled at the guard pony's banter.

"I must agree, that is quite the populace," Celestia nodded.

"Yeah, it's impressive. Even with the amount of wars, crime, and deaths, somehow people are still making babies every day. If I am to say so honestly . . . I wouldn't miss Earth, just the people I care about. It's a corrupt world, most just look for ways to benefit themselves." I can feel my eyes beginning to glaze over as I just stare at my mug. "It really is an awful world I live in. It's hard to see the good some days." I proclaimed, giving my mug a blank stare as my mind begins to drift.

"Hey, you shouldn't think like that, it's not good for you. Trust me," Steel protested. I looked up to her and saw her serious expression as she stared at me, a bit of hurt in her eye. An awkward silence clung in the air. Pierce coughed. Celestia looked from me to Steel.

"Steel, would you mind showing Steve to his suite? Pierce and I have some matters to talk about," she asked.

"We do?" Pierce asked. Celestia deadpanned at her. Steel stood up, ignoring Pierce.

"As you wish. Follow me Steve." She took the lead as we made our way down the hall.

<> <> \/ <> <>

The walk was uneventful. At least there was carpet, walking around with no shoes or socks on cold tile floors is awful. Curiously enough, I hadn't seen a single male on the way here, guard nor maid nor servant. They had all given me looks from curiosity to something more . . . lecherous.

On a side note, Steel's ass is bangin', with the way her hips swayed so slightly. I had no trouble following her, but it all seemed so strange. I wasn't even sure if I should be thinking these things about them.

"Here we are," she said, shaking me from inappropriate thoughts. We came upon a door marked "Royal Suite 01". She opened the door and walked inside with me in tow. "Average royal suite." It was a remarkably large room with a dark blue 4 poster bed. It had a blue carpeted floor and the ceiling looked like the night sky, very well painted too. There are a vanity and a dresser, with a chest between the two. There was also a small table and 4 chairs. She turned to face me.

"Thanks, Steel," I chatted. I really wanted to know why she said I shouldn't think negatively, something had obviously happened.

"Yeah, no problem." She started moving towards the door.

"Hey, look." She stopped and stared at me. Now or never. "I know you said I should talk to Pierce, but what if it isn't my problem?" She just raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah?" she said slowly.

"About earlier, did something happen to you that you wanna talk about?" Her gaze hardened and her brow lowered.

"Nothing that concerns you," she said harshly. As she went to leave, I stood in front of her.

"It obviously bothers you, I understand everyone has privacy, but I promise I won't judge you or anything. Like you said, 'I'm here for you if you need to talk.'"

"That's real nice of you, but I don't want to talk about it . . ." she trailed off. I sighed.

"Alright. I won't make you talk about it if you really don't want to, but it's not healthy to store yourself away." Her expression softened.

"It's personal is all, I-I just don't like thinking about it."