Memories

One year; that's how long it has been since Fluttershy's tragedy. Surprisingly, things have turned out much better than expected. Despite the memory loss, the kind yellow Pegasus had attempted to learn more about her past life, trying to fix any broken bonds she may have caused during the period in which she was unable to remember anything about herself.

To start off, she scoured around her own home, or what she was told to be her home, for anything that might point her towards the right direction. The animals there all tried to pitch in despite Fluttershy's protests. That was how she knew she was supposedly close to these woodland creatures. Out of all of them, a small white bunny was the one that helped out the most. She was told this was Angel, her favourite and most loved animal companion.

The first thing that she deemed usable was a photo album, with pictures of herself back when she had her memory. She would spend days just watching the pictures, trying to drink in all the new information. Apparently, her mother had also dealt with the same condition as her, but she could not be saved. Her father, who worked for the Weather Factory, then took care of the butter yellow Pegasus as both parental figures.

She was quite shocked when she checked the most recent pictures, going as far as three years ago. She was supposed to be best friends with five others, each with their own personalities and traits. There was a lavender Unicorn, who was amazing at magic and was the star student of the Princess of the Sun and even had a baby dragon by her side. A bouncy pink Earth pony, who could make anypony smile with her contagious laughter and parties. An orange pony, hard at work on an apple orchard. A white unicorn with a luxurious purple mane who she was rather close to as she visits the spa with her once in a while.

And then there was a cyan Pegasus with a rainbow-coloured mane. Among all the pictures, she had pictures of her the most, even during fillyhood. In the pictures, she was either flying, laughing, competing or playing around with the group. It didn't take long before she noticed some details about these pictures. When there were pictures of the two together or close by, the usually mellow mare would seem happier, more relaxed.

Then she remembered that this was the mare she had been too scared of when she had first awoken.

Of course, the finding of the photo album was a few days after she had been allowed to leave the hospital. She had tried to look for more clues of her former self, finding a diary in the process. In it were even more entries about her life. She found out the names of the five mares and many others rather quickly as she read through it the first few times.

Several entries were quite outrageous, such as the ones where she became a temporary supermodel for a pony named Photo Finish (she found a magazine with pictures of herself to strengthen the accusation), the one where she had apparently saved Ponyville by telling a dragon off and even when she had caused a riot by bringing a parasprite into town which multiplied and destroyed the town. She even found out that she was the bearer of the Element of Kindness; a feat she thought was quite amazing by itself. Of course, she was told not to believe the things she wrote too much as she would always degrade herself, making it seem much worse than it was supposed to be.

After a month of careful research and many tears, Fluttershy thought it was time she actually tried to do all the things old Fluttershy did. She reconciled rather quickly with the first four mares with the help of Caramel, the Earth pony stallion that had agreed to help out Fluttershy during her first few weeks out of the hospital. Pinkie Pie even threw her a party, but was only allowed to host a small one out of Fluttershy's request.

The only problem came when she wanted to try and find Rainbow Dash, who she knew had her heart set out on her. The first situation would be finding her, as her other friends told her she worked at the Weather Factory and was usually doing overtime for the past few weeks for reasons unknown. She was also known to be flying around all of Ponyville or napping on clouds, making it difficult for the pony who was just as fearful of flying as before, if not worse. It also seemed that all attempts to try and talk to her through her other friends were also in vain, as Rainbow Dash left early in the morning and would not be seen until late at night. She considered sending a letter, but thought better of it.

She had found her a week later, during a party hosted by Pinkie Pie for the mare in question. It was a 'Goodbye, Rainbow Dash' party.

The Pegasus pony had earned a promotion in the Weather Factory and was forced to leave for Cloudsdale. Knowing the fact that Rainbow was an avid fan of The Wonderbolts and earning this hard-earned promotion would be one step closer to making the amazing fliers notice her (despite creating a Sonic Rainboom, saving the lives of three of their members, hanging out with two of them during the Gala and being the bearer of the Element of Loyalty), Rainbow thought about it long and hard before she finally accepted.

The party was jam packed with ponies, causing the timid pony to panic. She was terrified of meeting her old friend in this crowd, so she asked Applejack to call her out. The farmer probably knew something was going on, so she gave a holler and Rainbow came right at them. Seeing Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash's face became a flurry of emotions; disbelief, confusion, depression and even joy.

The Pegasus spoke as calmly as she could, trying to get to be friends with the pony once more. Rainbow Dash took the friendship request in stride and accepted it with open hooves, giving the mare a hug in the process. She apologised for being too hard to find and treated her to a cupcake, but their reunion ended there. Rainbow had to leave soon enough.

Now, Fluttershy was back at her cottage, fanning through her photo album for the millionth time. She had received none of her memories back, as the doctors have told her, but she was struggling to make happy new ones. Once she was done, she set the book down and trotted outside, hoping to get some fresh air. She fixed the long cyan feather given to her by Rainbow Dash the year before behind her mane and left, waving goodbye to Angel.

Walking through the streets of the safe haven known as Ponyville, she was greeted by many of the ponies there. She was thinking about visiting Rarity's boutique when three ponies rushed past, or better said two ponies with one who looked like she had just ran across a minefield. Knowing these three, Fluttershy followed them to see what was up. Her intuition was correct as the two ponies rushed the injured one into the hospital, asking for immediate medical assistance.

"What were you thinking, Scoots?!" cried one of them

"Yeah, ya could've gotten yerself killed, or worse, dead!" said the other with a Southern accent

"They're both the same thing, Apple Bloom" said the Unicorn once more

"Whatever, ya dictionary"

The three Cutie Mark Crusaders, who have all reached their thirteenth birthday by now, were at it again. Even after the three received their Cutie Marks, they still stuck together like glue ("Or tree sap" as Scootaloo commented). Fluttershy was most surprised when she had met them one more, seeing all of their destructive tendencies and dangerous exploits in order to gain a place in the world. She, along with all of Ponyville, was actually relieved when they had finally received their Cutie Marks.

Fluttershy tried to pick up on the conversation, but only got some words which made the Pegasus shudder. Apparently, whatever sent Scootaloo into such a state had something to do with a rocket, two eagles and a lamppost. Shrugging the thoughts off, the butter yellow Pegasus met with the three growing ponies.

"Are you all alright?" Fluttershy asked, sounding her typical worried self

"Yep, just had an accident is all" Scootaloo answered

Out of the three ponies, she must have been the one who changed the most. She outgrew her hair and her body had matured, turning her into a beautiful mare that most stallions her age wished they had never insulted. Her special talent turned out to be choreographing, but her singing talent had also increased tremendously due to practicing on that during her crusading days. She had also started hanging around Rumble, causing some rumours to fly about as they are both in their teenage years. Whether or not these are true, Scootaloo said nothing about it.

"So, what were you three doing?" asked the timid mare once more "Scootaloo here seems like she's in a bad state"

"Just a bet she made" Apple Bloom laughed as she fixed the Stetson hat she now wore in place of her pink ribbon "She's gonna be as dandy as a hummingbird in Spring after an hour or two"

"Well, that's good"

"Oh no, I forgot! I was supposed to give this letter to her!" Sweetie Belle suddenly exclaimed as she levitated an envelope out of the bag she had slung around her "I've gotta go, guys"

"Oh, I was just about to visit her myself" Fluttershy said "Here, let me do it for you"

Thankful to the kind pony, the two ponies stayed with their injured friend as Fluttershy trotted to Rarity's boutique. Along the way, she crossed Twilight's library, so she decided to pop in for a visit. She had started reading in the library again once she was friends with Twilight again. Through these books, she found some which had some scribbles that highly resembled hers inside the book, usually medical books. The scribbles usually spoke of alternatives to make the medicine much more effective. Obviously, Fluttershy listened to her own advices.

Once she knocked on the door and was allowed in, Fluttershy entered to see Twilight and Spike doing their daily cores. Luckily for her, Rarity was also there, talking about a book on sewing that she wanted to borrow. Fluttershy greeted the two ponies and dragon warmly and started to converse with them.

"Oh, Rarity!" Fluttershy said after a few minutes of talking "There's a letter for you"

She passed the letter to her dear friend and watched as the fashionista read it, exclaiming when she read the sender's name. It was from Rainbow Dash, who had started to send letters to her friends every once in a while after she had left for Cloudsdale. Fluttershy enjoyed these short letters despite not answering back; it reminded her that Rainbow Dash still remembered them. After all, she was the Element of Loyalty.

"So, what's it say?" Spike, or dubbed New Rainbow Dash by Pinkie Pie, eagerly asked

"Apparently, she needs to come back here for a week or two" Rarity said with her light accent "There's been a slight mishap at the Rainbow section of the factory and all workers are asked to leave for a while"

"Well, that's amazing!" Twilight said with a smile "She could stay in the library in the meantime, maybe we could catch up on some things"

"She's asking if we could meet her there" Rarity added "This isn't compulsory, though"

"Don't worry, I could try my 'Walking On Clouds' spell again" Twilight said "Anything to help a friend"

"I could go…" Fluttershy squeaked

The two ponies and dragon looked at her quizzically, as if they were confused and shocked by what they had just heard. This caused the natural reaction of Fluttershy taking it back, but Twilight told her to stick with that resolution.

"It's been a year since you were healed, and you've only stayed here in Ponyville. I think it's time you actually left the town and explore" Twilight said with a smile

"We could follow, if you'd like" Spike said

Fluttershy quietly declined the offer, claiming that she wanted to try and be responsible for once. Plus, she didn't want to burden anypony else to which Rarity claimed that she was never a burden. Either way, they agreed to allow Fluttershy to go by herself. As soon as that was done, Fluttershy left to return to her cottage.

The very next day, Fluttershy left for Cloudsdale after getting a few pastries from Pinkie Pie. For some reason, she felt elated. She was still unsure of her own feelings for Rainbow Dash and usually just shrugged it off but now, she was thinking more and more into it. One thing for sure, she knew that her past self secretly held a crush for the speedster ever since they both met each other again in Ponyville.

Her flight to the grand city in the clouds was rather uneventful, and she was thankful for that. She got to see the beauty of nature all around her which she has forgotten. The flora and fauna all seemed to greet her as she passed by, humming a soft tune to herself. Nature, that was what her past self was most associated with.

Reaching Cloudsdale, she met even more ponies than before, which rattled her. Many of them, although slightly similar to the ones back in Ponyville, were more rude and kept to themselves in contrast to the kind and welcoming bunch back at her home. A few of them greeted her, and Fluttershy knew old Fluttershy must have been friends, or at least acquaintances.

She thought the day was going to be quick. Find Rainbow, leave for Ponyville; simple as that. However, things started to go wrong as soon as she got close to the Weather Factory. The building rumbled and shook which made the cloud she stood on rock. Many other Pegasi flew away, but not Fluttershy. Her wings always locked up when she was terrified and this, this was mortifying.

There was a shout and some screams, yelling at all the ponies in the vicinity to leave at once. Nopony seemed to notice the shuddering butter yellow Pegasus rather close to the factory, whose hoof was moving towards the blue feather she wore behind her ear for courage. If the building really was going to go the way she expected it to be, there might not be much of her left once they cleared out the area.

The next few things all happened in a blur; Fluttershy remembered only bits and pieces of it. The building blew apart, spraying liquid rainbow all over the place. Somepony saw her and screamed, asking for somepony to save her. There was a rush of movement with ponies not willing to sacrifice their own lives for her. A pony yelled out her name and whizzed towards her. Fluttershy was knocked back, far enough to avoid the wave of fluids that could have melted the skin off of her body.

The wave continued to move, and Fluttershy finally got the chance to run. She galloped through the streets, panicking whenever the liquid was close. Whatever small predicament that was spoken of through the letter had turned into a giant conundrum which is causing millions of bits worth of damage and several ponies to get caught in the lava.

When she finally reached the edge of the cloud and jumped off, extending her wings to glide through the air quickly, she looked back at the forest below and gave a shrill shriek. The liquid rainbow, which was in no way able to be supported by the cloud, had melted right through it and fallen as a rain of multi-coloured water washed throughout the land. The rainbow had fallen all across the forest and the entire place was a wreck. Tears formed in Fluttershy's eyes as pictures of the once beautiful scenery flooded her mind.

The grand city of Cloudsdale was also completely destroyed. The cloud had been decimated and it would take years to reform it. Hundreds of Pegasi were left homeless, calling out each other's names as they tried to look for their family and loved ones. The death toll was probably rising dramatically as the rainbow-coloured fluid started turning into a shad of dark red as the blood of the fallen mixed in with the rest of the colours.

"I don't get it" Fluttershy heard somepony say "It's just liquid rainbow, how could this happen?"

"Rainbows, as light, are pretty harmless" said an elderly stallion who had barely escaped the cold clutches of death "As a liquid, they tend to get hot and spicy. What you saw there was a magma solution, completely lethal like the lava of a volcano"

"How…?"

"I dunno, son. Perhaps something impure had been added to the liquid rainbow at some point, making it become slightly solid. May the Goddess Epona have mercy on the souls of the lost"

Through the tears of the living and the screaming of the panicking, Fluttershy remembered the true reason why she came to Cloudsdale in the first place. She started frantically looking at the survivors in search of her dear friend, but was unable to find her. A terrible thought passed through her mind as the probability of Rainbow surviving decreased.

No, Rainbow Dash was a fast flier; she would never have been caught by the wave. She could outfly the speed of sound and cause an explosion to happen on command. There was not one chance that she was dead. Maybe she had already left, maybe she was somewhere getting help, maybe… maybe…

Maybe she had helped Fluttershy escape death.

Fluttershy glided towards the main explosion site and looked around. Yes, she vaguely remembered somepony pushing her out of the way in order for her to escape. But could it have been Rainbow Dash. The possibility was there, and the means were obvious. If only Fluttershy hadn't been so scared to fly off in the first place. In truth, Fluttershy could fly just as fast as Rainbow Dash if she wanted to, but rarely willed herself to. She liked gliding slowly through the air much better as the risks were lower.

But now, her own fear and unwillingness to use her skills may have caused the death of one of her friends. No, not just a friend. Somepony who loved her and she might actually love back. She can't lose Rainbow Dash, she would never forgive herself if she did. However, she knew that it was hopeless. Rainbow Dash was as good as dead if she was caught in the wave, which she must have been since Fluttershy's close proximity to the wave would have been impossible to escape.

Fluttershy started to lose all self-control as she let her tears and wails carry through the sky. No longer would she be able to read Rainbow Dash's letters. No longer will she be able to actually hear Rainbow's voice. Her childhood friend was dead, and she didn't even have any memory of her left. If only she had never had the brain tumour, none of this would have happened. But no, Fluttershy knew that all that happened was fate and it was inevitable.

Her sobs and cries carried on until she heard a small voice speak, and it took a few seconds until she could finally register it. It was a small whisper compared to the background sounds of ponies who came to try and clean the area. It was a small whisper, calling out her name.

"Fluttershy…"

The mare in question floated down, close enough to feel the heat of the liquid rainbow. It was a miracle, it had to be. That voice, it was weak, but Fluttershy could easily tell that it belonged to Rainbow Dash. She checked the area as best as she could, using the whispers of her name to pinpoint the exact location of the owner of the voice.

Minutes have passed, and Fluttershy was losing faith of ever finding Rainbow Dash. That was when she noticed a small patch of cyan in the mess of rainbow-coloured liquid. Calling out for help as loudly as possible, Fluttershy hovered towards the body. The eyes seemed lifeless and hollow, but the face still had its colour. The usual grin that complimented Rainbow Dash's face was lost altogether. What made Fluttershy continue crying was when she noticed that the rainbow-coloured mane and tail were destroyed by the liquid rainbow, and her coat was burning.

It didn't take long for some medical ponies to appear and take Rainbow Dash to the nearest hospital, which was thankfully Ponyville Hospital that was a thirty minute flight away from Cloudsdale. The arrival of the cyan Pegasus in her dying state shocked the entire town as everypony knew her. When news of Cloudsdale's destruction reached the ponies' ears, they silently wept and tried to help the Pegasi there as much as they could.

And then there were Rainbow Dash's friends. They were devastated by the state the formerly rainbow-maned Pegasus is in and the thought that they could have lost Fluttershy as well did not bode well with them. For weeks on end, they would stay by Rainbow's side praying for her health. However, this was much worse than Fluttershy's past condition. In the past, they were at least comforted by the short moments that Fluttershy would awaken albeit looking as if she could drop dead at any moment. Now, it felt like they were looking at a corpse: No longer alive, no longer aware of the world around them. The sight was so depressing Pinkie's mane slowly deflated, turning into the straight form it always took whenever she was drastically depressed.

Time moved very slowly for the five friends from that day on. Their work moved slowly and terribly as they were too busy thinking of their dying friend who was facing a fate worse than death. At one point, Pinkie Pie lost interest in baking and throwing parties which made the others even more saddened. Fluttershy wondered if the others were like this when she was facing her brain tumour. Sadly, they must have.

Fluttershy then took on the role of Rainbow Dash back when she was facing death: Standing by her side at all times. By now, the hospital workers were not deterred much and instantly allowed the pony to stay. Time moves on and more news came in. Apparently, a green tortoise wearing a gyrocopter was spotted flying through the skies above the ruins of Cloudsdale. Rarity, who heard the news first, instantly knew who the tortoise in question was and told Applejack, Fluttershy, Twilight and Spike. She would have told Pinkie, but the party pony was always cooped up in her room nowadays nopony even knew if she was eating right. They set off to find Tank the tortoise with the help of Scootaloo and brought him back to Ponyville where the growing teenage mare took care of the tortoise.

Weeks have passed and Rainbow Dash's condition worsened. She no longer kept her eyes open, which only made her look more dead than before. Her mane and tail started to grow back, but the liquid rainbow had destroyed all the colour pigments in the hair cells, causing it to only come out as a blank white form. Fluttershy and Rarity tried to even it out by brushing it every one in a while to make her look presentable to some degree. Her wings, which suffered the most damage, were broken, melted and damaged beyond repair thus rendering the former flying speedster flightless.

After a while, the group managed to get into contact with The Doctor once more, who was as difficult to come by as a camel in the arctic snow caps. It was as if he would be gone from all of time and space at some times. He agreed to help Rainbow Dash the best that he could and Derpy, who had known Rainbow Dash since foalhood, promised to make sure she woke up soon enough. Strangely, she was also the only one who could get Pinkie Pie to leave her room.

Days pass by and The Doctor is always seen in the room with Rainbow Dash, pointing his metal contraption towards Rainbow Dash and using it while mumbling a few things. He would use any method he knew to get the cyan Pegasus to awaken but the mare stayed the same, as if she were dead to the world around her. Derpy assisted in any means possible as well, sometimes running out to go to a big blue box they called the TARDIS.

"She's alive, all right" The Doctor said one day at Twilight's library "But I'm sure you were all aware of that. Her mind is technically fried. Not like you, Fluttershy, since you only lost access to your memories. Apparently, the brain seems to be in a lockdown mode, putting her into a comatose state to preserve her, save her body from feeling all the pain. Get what I mean?"

"So what yer sayin' is that RD's sorta sleepin' to make sure she won't feel no pain?" Applejack said bluntly

"Well, more or less. We have one of two options: We could either cut off her life support and save your friend from all the pain and suffering she's currently facing or we could wait for her body to make a full recovery all by itself which might take up to months, maybe years. Even with that, there's still the possibility of her dying by other natural causes since her systems are working at minimum right now"

The group remained silent for a moment as they pondered what they should do. They all knew that Rainbow Dash was going to die and it was best just to let her pass on, but they didn't want to lose her yet. It was Spike who finally told The Doctor his thoughts.

"Mister Doctor Sir…"

"It's just The Doctor" The Doctor corrected

"Doctor, I'm not as close to Rainbow Dash as them, but hear me out. I don't want to lose one of my friends any time soon and there's so much we still haven't done together, so we will never choose the first option even if it's the right thing to do. I'm sorry…"

"He's right" Derpy chimed in "We can't do that to her. I know that it's the selfish thing to do, but maybe we should try it one more time. Who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky this time"

"All right, then" The Doctor said "We'll try and heal Rainbow Dash, so don't you fret! Don't worry, we'll make sure she's up and running. No exceptions. Derpy, get my Sonic Screwdriver. Allons-y!"

Fluttershy gave a smile as she watched the duo go back to the hospital. She had not lost any hope to see Rainbow alive and well, and she was glad there are others who thought like her as well. She then followed the other ponies and dragon to Sugar Cube Corner where they were going to have a small snack under Pinkie's offer. The pink mare's mane was starting to reflate as well, and she didn't want to see it straight ever again.

Back at the hospital, Rainbow Dash's heartbeat started getting slower. Her pulse was fading fast and her breathing slowed down. Nurse Redheart, who was checking up on the comatose patient, was aware of the fact that it might all be too late for the mare.

I'll stand beside you and look at your hand

Imagining how perfect it would be grasped in mine

I tried to talk but I never really can

Because whenever I tried, I'm frozen in time