Chapters Princess Celestia smiles. She smiles about her long, happy life, about the sunshiny day, about her ever happy sister. What isn’t there to smile about? Her country is happy and thriving, and there is hardly any criminal activity or poverty.
But she smiles the most about what she is going to do in a couple minutes.
She walks up to her pantry, and pops popcorn. She loves the buttery taste of the popped kernels. The wait for the snack is well worth it, as the experience she was about to have needed such a treat for a special occasion like this.
If only I could get Luna to watch, she thinks, putting her popcorn in a large bowl. This game would be so much sweeter… But I shall enjoy it nonetheless.
Discord Q. Draconequus.
A being of pure chaos and disharmony. An ancient enemy of Equestria. He alone brought the world to its knees using his powerful magic and sneaky trickery. Discord is his name, and evil is his game, as he has shown this time and time again. Such a threating foe, able to take out the Royal Sisters, and the Elements of Harmony while being lax all the while. One can only wonder what a being such as he thinks while in his stone prison…
Dat plot.
That’s the 2352 nd red one.
I’m bored.
If I ever get out, I’m getting a smoothie.
Celestia is going to pay for this.
Ugh.
2353 rd.
I wonder if I can start counting the blue ones…?
First.
Second.
Suddenly, Discord feels a tap on his stone body, causing him to strain his limited vision in that direction. He sees his sworn enemy, Celestia, standing there with a smirk on her face and popcorn in her magical grasp.
Hello good friend!
Oh, so now I suppose you’re going to torment my thoughts as well?
Don’t be so negative Discord! Oh, I’ve forgotten how grim you could be…
Ha ha ha. Go ahead and laugh at me Celestia. I’m going to escape soon enough.
Well, if you’re planning to leave us so soon, why don’t you participate in a… game?
… I’m listening.
If you can escape from my maze, then I will let you go from your stone prison and let chaos rein.
What are the rules of this… game?
Well, you won’t have your magic of course. It’ll be a maze of memory, wits, and problem solving skills.
… I’ll do it. When do we start?
Mmm… now.
Wha-?
Suddenly, Discord feels an awful, disorienting, and otherwise nauseating fall into his own subconscious. He lands with a thud on a grassy field, but the air around him is completely black.
“Celestia! You said I was going to be released…”
“NOT NECESSARILY. I SAID WE WERE GOING TO PLAY A GAME. AND WE CAN’T HAVE YOU OUTSIDE, NOW CAN WE?”
Discord grumbles as he tries to see something, anything though the blackness. He fails, though, and sits with a huff.
“DISCORD, PLEASE. YOU NEED TO STOP BEING SO… HUFFY. I’M GETTING THE MAZE READY, SO HOLD YOUR HORSES.”
Without warning, Discord finds himself in a large hedge maze. Hedges upon hedges appear in front of him, but he is trapped in a small square of them. He smirks as he tries his magic, but finds he can neither cast any nor fly. Discord curses under his breath.
“ARE YOU READY DISCORD?”
“Sure, I guess.”
“ARE YOU SUUUUURE?”
“Pretty sure…”
“I CAN’T HEAR YOUUUU~!”
“CELESTIA JUST START THE GAME!”
“NOW MY FEELINGS ARE HURT DISCORD. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME?”
“Because I’m angry you WON’T JUST START THE GAME!”
“DISCORD… I THINK THE GAME CAN WAIT. WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR ANGER PROBLEMS.”
A replica of Celestia, holding a clipboard and wearing glasses appears right in front of Discord, pointing to a therapist’s couch right behind him.
“CELESTIA START THE GAME FOR PETE’S SAKE!”
“IF YOU SAY SO…”
The Celestia disappears, and one of the hedges blocking Discord’s way is lowered to the ground, opening a linear path.
This is going to be too easy.
Celestia grins as she sees Discord walk down the straightforward path in her mind's eye. She takes a mouthful of popcorn and chews on it, showing her pleasure. She knows Discord has no idea what he’s getting into. The grin becomes bigger, so big it forces her eyes to squint a little and rolls of skin to scrunch up at her neck. Actually, it looks more like ~~fat6u5t[8ioj54iojt5ij5[ioj[iojt[.liyrmjtyv~~ pristine padding that only a being such as ~~myself~~ Celestia could have.
Discord nonchalantly walks down the path, turning at corners and running up hills that for some reason he didn’t notice before.>Left Fork >Right Fork
“Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey, and loosey is a lot better than tighty!”
~~You~~ Discord starts walking down the left path, not worried about a thing. He can always turn bac-
Hedges pop in behind him, blocking any back-tracking. Discord is a little more fearful now.
I’ll be fine… right? Celestia wouldn’t do… nah. She’s too uptight for things like that.
Discord hears a far-away sound.
Was that a laugh?!
Discord hesitantly proceeds forward, his back slightly hunched over. Then he hears another, closer laugh. This laugh sounds more child-like, and frankly more disturbing.
I swear I heard it now.
He slowly walks forward, the only way he can go. The laughs become more frequent, and more threatening.
Discord eventually comes to a door. The laughs seem to come from inside. Shaking, Discord grabs ahold of the knob and slowly turns it. He pulls the door open and very reluctantly goes inside the dark and cold room that is somehow there.
“Hello? Is anypony in here?”
There is no response; just Discord’s rapid breathing. He feels around for a light switch. He feels one and flips it to reveal…
A small foal, with a happy look on its face.
Discord lets out a breath and immediately feels stupid for thinking it would be anything else.
“Aww… it’s kinda cute!”
He picks up the foal, and it giggles happily in his arms.
“I think I’ll name you Cha-“
“RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAWR!!!”
“… I should have gone right.”
“Ugh… well that sucked…”
A beaten up Discord walks out of the room, covered in injuries of all kinds.
“Come, Chaos.”
The shadow demon follows behind Discord, its tongue lolling out happily.
Celestia facehooves, and makes the demon disappear.
Discord grumbles.>No, this isn't a Choose Your Own Adventure story. That's copying silly.
Discord walks proudly out of the path he was just on to see that both forks ended up at the same place.
“Eh. I’m happy with the path I chose.”
Outside, Celestia is a little miffed. Discord isn’t even mad! She hoped for a better reaction, but Discord seems happy. She decides to try harder next time. It can’t be too hard to make Discord mad, right? Just have to humiliate him more…
“I’m not a fan of puppeteer, but I have a nagging fear~… hey, what’s that?”
Discord stops his trot to see a huddled over muted blue form.
“Huh…”
He walks up to the form, in which he can now see is a pony.
“Uhh… hola?”
“DISCORD?!”
Discord is blown back by the power of the pony’s words.
“That is my name, yes.”
“You… you came back after all these years? You left me when I needed you most Discord…”
The pony turns around and reveals herself as Rainbow Dash, holding three young fillies that look like crosses between Discord and Rainbow Dash.
“Wha-?”
“I used to love you Discord… and now you have the guts to come back to me?!”
“Erm…”
“They never got to know you Discord! They wanted their daddy!”
“Daddy-?!”
“Yes, daddy! You’re their father!”
“…”
“What do you have to say for yourself?!”
“… I’d never hook up with you. You’re a prideful, arrogant, intolerable and ugly mare. You smell like dead birds and always look like a drunken hobo. Plus, everyone knows you have SOMETHING in your closet, but what, I won’t say. Good day to you ma’am. “
Discord walks by with a smirk on his face.
“… why are you such a jerk Discord?!” Celestia says as she angrily chomps on her popcorn and thinks of another trap.
Discord wanders on, with a look on his face that screams “Haters Gonna Hate”
Suddenly, he comes across Celestia sitting in a golden throne.
“Congratulations Discord. You won.”
“Really? Is it over already? That wasn’t even a maze!”
“Are you complaining?”
“… no. So, let me out! I won fair and square.”
“You did. And for this, I will award you with your freedom. But first, I have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Do you… like bananas?”
“… what.”
“I asked you if you like bananas.”
“What does this have to do-“
“Do you want to have your freedom?”
“… Bananas are good. Yes, I like them. But why-“
“So you’re a mmm bitch that likes mmmm bananas?”
“…What? I didn’t hear you.”
“So you’re a mmmm bitch that likes mmmm bananas?”
“Uhh…”
“Are you a bitch that likes bananas?”
“I… guess…?”
“WELL YOU CAN GO BANANAS-“
A giant trap door slides out from underneath Discord, sending him in an equally huge cannon.
“What the-?!”
Celestia now has a microphone, and a giant spotlight shines on the cannon.
“OOONNN THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNAAA
Celestia laughs manically as the cannon blasts Discord to the moon he never noticed before.
“Well… I should have seen this coming.”
Celestia dances around outside, her mission complete. She made Discord mad! Now she could be happy forever- wait… did she just hear something?
“NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPEEEE!”
Discord was holding onto the moon that now had a giant face and was speeding towards the ground.
“One second remaining! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
The moon hits the world, exploding everything.
Celestia is dazed as she loses connection to Discord’s mind. She shakes her head to clear her mind, and feels for Discord’s consciousness. Then she notices that the statue is gone. Actually, as she looks around the garden, everything is gone. She’s in a giant crater.
It takes a second for Celestia to put it all together.
“FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-“
Moral of the story: Trolling hurts everyone. Oh, and, never troll Discord.
“I think I heard somewhere that you always go right when you have to choose a path…”
Something in the back of Discord’s mind screamed the opposite, but he paid no mind. What fun is there in being right?
Plus, what’s stopping him from turning bac-
A hedge rises from the ground, blocking Discord’s train of thought.
-or not. Discord slumps a little at his rejection.
He walks forward anyway, trying to make bright of the situation. What is there to be sad about? He’s doing great in the maze, since it seems he’s going the right way. He can’t go back after all.
A growl snaps Discord out of his thoughts, and he notices he’s about to round a corner. The growl sounds really familiar, but he can’t put his claw on it…
He shrugs it off, and rounds the corner to find he’s on stage.
With an audience of discorded Raritys that have hearts in their eyes. Now that he thinks about it, it looks like a fashion show walkway.
“… hey?”
“MINE!!!”
All at once, the hundreds of Raritys rush at Discord, making him flinch.
“… I should have gone left.”
A beaten up Discord walks off the stage, with kiss marks all over him.
He puts on some sunglasses.
“Well ladies, that was fun.”
All the Raritys giggle as Discord walks away, looking like a pimp.
Celestia, in the real world, growls as Discord smirks. She makes all the Raritys disappear., causing Discord to shrug and take off his glasses.>No, this isn't a Choose Your Own Adventure story. That's be low.
