‘All Apologies’
In the town where I live, everything is the same shade of grey. All the buildings are old. All the people hide themselves away. Everything is failing and dying. It’s the world going bad. Things used to be better, before. But like people say, they always get worse.
But not today. Today, something amazing happened. Something incredible that changes the whole world. Most of it is still grey and dying, but there’s one little part of it that is colorful and wonderful. Today I opened up the front door of my house. On the doorstep, sitting in a box and looking up at me, was a tiny rainbow-colored pony. I recognized her right away. It was Dashie, from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. She looked just like she did in season one, episode twenty-three, “The Cutie Mark Chronicles”. She was tiny and had no cutie mark of a cloud with a rainbow-colored lightning bolt on her flank. She looked up at me with her big eyes and I knew right then that this was a special day. It was like I had been chosen. I had to keep Dashie safe. To raise her and protect her like a parent would. I picked her up and held her close to me and took her inside my house. She was so soft.
For a while I just stare at her as I hold her. I can’t really believe what I’m seeing. She’s just so perfect. She falls asleep in my arms. This is the best day of my life.
-
I have to go to the store and buy her some food. I’m not quite sure what ponies eat. They eat lots of cakes and pies and cupcakes but that can't be good all the time. I don’t think I can feed her the same things I eat. But I would have to leave the house and leave Dashie alone. I’m not sure what to do.
I find a solution eventually. I have a cat cage, the kind you put a cat in if you want to take it to the vet. I put her in there, so she’s safe while I go to the store. It’s not meant to hurt her! She’ll be safe in the cage. She’s tiny enough to fit inside with no problems.
Stay right there, Dashie. I’ll be right back.
-
We have such wonderful days together, Dashie and I. We listen to old records. I give her books to read, like in season two, episode sixteen, “Reading It And Weep”. Dashie really likes The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger. We sit in front of the television. It doesn't work any more, but that's alright. There's only bad things to watch there. Bad things about the grey world. Except My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, of course. That's not bad. I like it very much. I've seen all the episodes.
I hold her and stroke her coat. She’s so soft. It makes me feel like everything is good with the world, that something as perfect as my Dashie could exist. I touch her a lot. When we’re asleep in bed. When we shower to become clean. I have to hold her close when I clip her wings, to tell her it’s okay and it’s for her own good and it’s to keep her safe.
I think she likes that.
-
Today Dashie called me Father. Father. At first I thought of my own father. Then I thought about it some more. Maybe she meant it like the Almighty Father. A Good Father.
I wanted to think of it that way, and I smiled at her. She smiled back. I love her more than anything else in the world.
-
Today I took Dashie to the playground. I smuggled her there in my coat. It’s not too far to walk. Only a couple of blocks. It’s not different to the rest of this town. Grey, rotting, broken down. The only color comes from weeds making cracks in the pavement. I pushed Dashie on the swing, the one that hadn’t had the seat ripped away. She enjoyed sliding down the slide too, even though someone had sprayed FAGET across it in black spraypaint.
Sometime in the afternoon, I began to feel watched. Was there somebody here? Nobody ever came here. They all always stayed inside. Kept to themselves. Has someone noticed my Dashie? Someone who wants to take her away from me? I have to check.
Okay, she’s still asleep. The curtains haven’t moved, either. That’s good.
The playground. It turns out someone was watching us. It was a bum. A hobo. A jobless dirty greasy filthy drain on society. He's the cancer that’s eating away at this country. He was wearing a suit but it hadn’t been washed in weeks. Maybe months. His hair was wild. His eyes were wilder. He was mumbling some words, I couldn’t tell if it was to himself or to me. But I know he saw Dashie. He saw her and he started walking towards her mumbling his sewer-words with his dirty hand held out. I did what anyone would do. I did what any Good Father would do.
I ran at him and pushed him to the ground. He went down easily. He was probably already drunk, because hobos are always drunk and dirty. The smell was terrible but I barely noticed it. He shouted things I couldn't understand and when I kicked his jaw, he kept screaming louder and louder. All the noise might have brought someone out of their house, even if nothing else ever does. I had to get him to be quiet. I had to get him to be quiet. I kept kicking and kicking and he kept screaming and screaming. Eventually he went quiet.
I then rushed to Dashie. She had watched the whole thing. She must have been terrified. She couldn’t have understood that what I had done, I did to protect her. She’s not a violent pony, even though she does things like kick dragons in season one, episode seven, “Dragonshy” and destroy barns in season two, episode three, “Lesson Zero”. I picked her up and held her close and stroked her and told her I had to protect her. There are so many bad things in the world and I have to protect her from all of them. I told her I was protecting her all the way home. I kept telling her. She’s asleep now. My Dashie is safe now.
When she fell asleep I went back to take the hobo away. Nobody had found him aside from the crows. I chased them off and found a dumpster. There are so many dumpsters in this town. Not a single nice little house with a picket fence, but so many dumpsters. I put him in the dumpster, and I threw my shoes in with him. They were ruined. I couldn't use them any more. I closed the lid to keep out the crows. Then I walked home in bare feet. Dashie was still asleep when I got back.
-
I have to get out of here. I have to get us out of here. This town is not good for Dashie. She’s looking more stressed than she was in season one, episode sixteen, “Sonic Rainboom”, before performing in the Best Young Flier competition. Ever since the day in the playground, she’s worried someone will come for her. Someone not nice. Someone who will want to take her away from me. I keep the curtains closed the whole day and we stay very quiet, but still she’s worried. Maybe we could move away. We could move out of this town and go out to the country. Out in the country there are nice houses with picket fences. The country is where ponies belong. Not in dying towns where the only color is grey. We could move away from this town. We could move away from this house.
-
I had a dream tonight. In that dream I understood that a rainbow is all the colors of light, and if you put all those colors together you get white light. White light is the most pure perfect light there is. That’s what my Dashie is. White light. Pure and perfect. She’s perfect. I won’t let the terrible world ruin her. Because she’s perfect. There’s nothing wrong with her. Nothing wrong with her, Mother. She’s perfect, Mother.
She’s perfect, Mother.
SHE’S PERFECT MOTHER
SHE’S PERFECT
SHE'S MORE PERFECT THAN ANYTHING
DO YOU HEAR ME MOTHER??? THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH HER AND SHE’S PERFECT!!!
-
I can’t believe what happened today. I am not a Good Father. I made my Dashie cry.
She said she could smell something bad in the house. But there’s nothing bad in the house. Not anymore. Nothing smells bad. But she kept saying there was something she could smell, that it smelled bad. We argued. I had to put her in the cat cage again. I don’t think she liked that but it was for her own good.
She’s still a little bit mad at me but I think she will forgive me. I hope she does. I love you, Dashie. I don’t want to hurt you.
I only want to protect you.
There’s nothing bad in here.
-
We’re moving out today. I packed all of my things into a bag and explained to Dashie that she would have to go in the cat cage again. She understood this time. We’re going to find a nicer house to live in. Somewhere out in the country, away from this grey city. Maybe it will have a picket fence. That would be nice.
I thought it would be hard to leave this house. It turns out it was very easy. There’s nothing to stop me going anywhere I want to.
-
The house we found is wonderful! It’s perfect. It’s almost like a farm. It reminds me of the barn that Pinkie Pie paints for Applejack in season two, episode eighteen, “A Friend In Deed”, during the song about smiling. There’s lots of room for Dashie to run outside, and no other houses for miles. There's a television but I make it broken like in the old house so Dashie can't see anything bad on it on accident. There won't be anything bad in this new house. I can see us being happy here.
This house belonged to two other people but they’re gone now.
-
We dug up the garden in the back. We thought about growing crops. Maybe corn. Corn would be nice. I think ponies can eat corn.
Dashie cried a little. It was the hard work. The digging. Hard work can be stressful.
-
Woke up tonight and the walls were covered with spiders. They were everywhere. I squashed as many of them as I could before they all ran off to wherever spiders go at night. Dashie tried to help squash them but she kept missing. I tried to make it a competition, because I know Dashie is very compeditive from season one, episode thirteen, “Fall Weather Friends”. I don't think she could see the spiders very well in the dark.
-
A man came to our house today. He was a policeman. He tried to trick his way into our house. My Dashie isn’t even safe from the law. The world is ruined.
She was telling me not to, but I explained that I needed to do it. He couldn’t tell anyone where my Dashie was. Then all of the police would know. I’d never be able to protect her from all of them. I tried to explain again about keeping her safe. I don’t know if she listened.
I don’t think she’s talking to me.
-
I haven’t slept. I’ve got to stand guard. They want to take you, Dashie. They want to take you from me. I don’t know who. Maybe it’s your friends. Maybe it’s Princess Celestia. Maybe it’s the terrible grey world. But they’re coming.
I’m not going to let them.
-
It’s all of them. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack and Pinkie Pie and Rarity and Fluttershy and Princess Celestia. You can’t go with them. They’re beating on the door. You have to stay with me, Dashie. I know how we can stay together. How we can go to that place of white light. We just have to drink this together. Okay?
One.
Two.
Three.
I know you haven’t wanted to talk to me for a couple of days Dashie, but this will make things alright again. I promise I’ll protect you. I promise. You just need to drink. I’ll protect you and you’ll say you love me and call me Good Father and laugh and…
When have I heard you laugh? I’ve heard you speak but I’ve never heard you speak. When did you speak to me?
There’s lights outside. Red, blue, red, blue. Can I really believe what I’m seeing?
When did I buy a cat cage? I’ve never owned a cat. I’ve never owned a cat.
It smells terrible in here.
If I’ve never owned a cat, why do I have a cat cage? Dashie, do you know?
