Things Left Unsaid, The World's Biggest Regret
Things Left Unsaid, The World’s Biggest Regret
I looked deep into the dark, night sky and pondered. It’d been awhile since I’d felt so alone. All the voices were gone. I’d gotten so use to having all the answers to my own questions. How could people live with such overbearing silence? They don’t, right? No, insanity must be a more common trait than initially thought. No one could survive this…
I couldn’t hear any answers, and the questions were coming in full force.
Is this death? Why? Where am I? Whose there…
It was hard to concentrate through all the silence, but if I had to guess, I’d say yes. Death is synonymous with cold and I couldn’t stop shivering. I’d never felt such a chill. My fur would always protect me. I’d taken it for granted and now I hold so many regrets.
Why? Where am I? Whose there…
It’s simple, I failed. I played with evil and I couldn’t control it. I had thought of myself as a professional. The world didn’t follow my ideology and I decided to make it. I was frustrated and tried to take it all by force… and it worked! All that blood spilled in my name. By me, for me, all for the sake of madness! It was a joy. In the moment, I felt truly invincible. Now, I lay in a growing red pool of my results.
Where am I? And… Whose there?
The enemy had always been ponies. They were the dominate power. Such terrific accomplishments and progress unrivaled by any other civilization, all bundled in one diverse package. They cultivated a culture that screamed anything was possible. Their Kindness truly knew no bounds. Their power was beyond belief. Their riches enough to quell even a gryphon’s greed. Yet, all that they’re capable of, they decided to stand and watch as we burned.
So, here I lay bleeding, tyrannical ruler of the Red Panda tribes and uniter of the Third World, on the hard, stained tiled roads of the once impenetrable capital of Equestria. A four year clash of power and might, born from nineteen years of Starvation, sickness, and murder, finally coming to an end. If i’d known how bitter the end would be, would I have ever started in the first place? No. A resounding no at that.
“Whose there?”
It was such a silly question, I was surprised it’d left my lips. Of course she’d come and find me. Her type was cunning yet predictable, which had really helped me through these last four years. I should have guessed one magical blast wouldn’t be the end of it. And because of her aforementioned type, I wasn’t going to get the usual gloating and goading crap I wanted. I was going to get a conversation. A last conversation… and predictably enough, a merciful one.
“I don’t understand… I can’t possibly understand… but here you are…” Twilight Sparkle was mumbling incoherently, either not hearing or caring for my question, instead focusing on recent events.
“Why, why am I alive, Zack? Y-You flinched… no, waited, and gave me an opening!” She stomped on the tile and screamed. She was taking her victory rather poorly if you ask me.
“You… the most cunning tyrant in the world, k-killer…” She didn’t like that title. Didn’t fit her rage. “Murderer of the sun and moon… killed because of… of… hesitance!? Bullshit!”
I winced visibly at her last word. While quite loud, I’d actually been enjoying her voice as she rattled through my accomplishments. But, her sailor's tongue left a bad taste in my mouth. Ponies should never curse like that. Especially an Empress.
With a small turn of my head, I adjusted my hazy gaze to her purple fuzz. Her face was indistinguishable, but I’d seen her plenty of times to fill in the gaps. Her beauty ingrained into my mind, where I keep it for personal warmth and comfort. Now it was the only comfort left for me… the chills were getting worse.
“Y-You’ve got… a weird way… of flattery.” I gave her a weak smile. She deserves a stronger one, maybe even a hug to show her everything is going to be okay. If only it were different.
“I-I guess… you answered… your own question. I flinched… whoops…”
I didn’t have to see her, the anger radiated from her every breath. She didn’t like my answer. Sufficed to say, I don’t think she liked me either. But, why draw this out? There had to be a point, Twilight Sparkle didn’t stall for no reason. She always had a reason. She was acting very out of character and it was disturbing.
“Y-Your… still here,...Twilight… where’s my… friendship lesson?”
“You have yet to answer my question.”
She was persistent. Even in my weakened state, she drove me to wag my tail. I enjoy a girl who tries to cut to the chase.
“You forget yourself… I flinc-” I broke my own sentence with a strained cough, blood suddenly spat out of my mouth and added to the red stains around me.
I missed her approach and was left shocked as a purple leg delicately stepped into my puddle. She’d come so close, I could feel a sudden hint of fear well up in my stomach. My mind suddenly infested with worry. Her hooves, they’ll get so dirty and soaked at this rate.
“N-No… wait.”
“You will NOT trivialize this conversation, Zack! I will not allow lies. You. Will. Talk!” Her voice was being projected by magic. She was trying to use my visible fear as an advantage. What a magnificent mare. If only she knew how futile it was. She could never make me fear for my life. It wasn’t worth a cent anyway.
“A-An Empress… shouldn’t muddy her hooves… in blood.” Her reaction was unreadable for a second. There was no placing her emotions. Even in a state of death, I should have been able to read her like a book. I know everything to know about this pony. Something was wrong….
Her laugh proved it.
“Oooh. Zack… now whose forgetful?”
Her mirth was as dead as the words she spoke. She didn’t sound like a pained soul. She sounded… broken. That word doesn’t fit the pony though. I have never met a pony who could rival her resolve. We haven’t talked in a while, but this… nothing was making sense.
Her bloodied hoof was lifted to my side and with no warning, she began to pet me.
“You treat me as a Princess, yet… You killed them all. Remember?”
What a cold reality. Here she is, giving me the attention I’ve craved from her, for years now, and I’m left numb. Physically and mentally, I struggle with her words. My thoughts are getting muddled and my body is growing even number. But, it isn’t death that plagues me. It’s that icy tone. I start… I start to lightly cry.
“In their place, rises an Empress. And an Empress is always burdened with blood. It’s how she builds. It’s how she creates… it’s how she lives.”
“Quit the petty chivalry, Zack. The blood doesn’t phase me anymore. But, I’ll tell you what does.” The blood on her hooves must have soaked past my fur and into the skin, because I was feeling an increase in chills, my body was quaking like a leaf.
“Why did you spare my life? Why did you sacrifice yours? What was the point?! Why!?!”
My tears were freely streaming. I did nothing to stop them because there was no point. This was truly starting to hurt. So much pain was being squeezed into one slow, fleeting moment.
“Y-You hid… your woe… your pain… the bitter acceptance of it all… you hid your feelings… from everyone…. From... me!” My breath hitched, breaking into a heavy pant, and finally spiraling completely into a new bloody fit of coughs. As soon as they subsided, I choked out the words.
“I could have helped.”
My ears were suddenly assaulted by another icy laugh. She must’ve hated me, because this was true torture.
“Helped, such a misleading way to say murder. You would have killed some more, because you knew it would distract me. ‘How can I think to myself if all your chaos is keeping me busy?’ What a cruel way of reasoning. How pathetic that I let it work for so long.”
“I’ll admit, you’re the smartest foe I’ve ever faced, and your capacity for gore and violence is unmatched. But, even you have a fatal flaw.”
This wasn’t right. I didn’t need to hear this. It was so apparent now, why did she have to say it out loud. How blind… dear gods, how blind I’ve been. She leaned in, and her voice drew to a low growl as she humiliated everything I stood for.
“You’ve always underestimated my ability… to adapt. You missed every sign because you were convinced. Assured you had me nicked. While making sure to line things up in your favor, always three steps ahead. You never looked back to notice I was closing the gap.”
I don’t know… who this pony is anymore…
“No.”
I can’t die now…
“N-no…”
I have to learn… I need to learn…
“Help me…”
Who is Twilight Sparkle?
Author's Note
Okay, hello everyone whose bothered! I know these words can't relay much emotion, but you have no idea how honored I am to have readers.
I take great pride in these few words because they're my first 'Real' try at Fimfiction.
That in mind, I need to get something off my chest. I've been sitting on this story for longer than I'd care to admit. I've always had insecurities with perfection when it comes to writing so I've basically bailed on every other attempt thus far. Recently, I've grown up. I've read books, I'm around some of the most encouraging people I've ever known in my life. With all this new confidence, I decided, "What the hell! Why not!" Hence, the chapter and story you see now.
What does this all mean. Well, in layman's terms, I'm a scrub. I'm unsure of my grammar, my sense of story direction is shoddy and to be honest, a lot more could be added to this chapter alone. It's basically a one shot with the opening for more. Because I want to create more. In fact, whether or not this does well will only decide on whether I post the story on Fimfiction or not. I'm going to finish this one way or another, it just depends. What I need is pre readers. Is that a little selfish given that this is my first attempt. Hell ya! But, I want to throw the offer out anyway. Fix my language. Give small suggestions, and I will do my best to keep you well employed. Money not guaranteed.
So, do your worst. Roast me to your hearts content. I like to buddy around with the people who hate me, so negative comments just register as potential friendships. Fire away!
Oh, and the theme for this chapter is as following.
Regression
There was a long time ago, when all I did was walk. I would walk and carry, and for the most part, it was fruitful. I gained a lot of strength from it, built muscle over the months. It hardened me and even helped shape the ursine I am today. With a fluffy coat though, times were tough. Summers would nearly killed me and for others, it did. I watched a lot of good bears die. Weak bears, ones that didn't fight hard enough to survive and thus paid for it. I'm willing to admit that now.
Back then, the Minotaurs lied to us a lot. Told us they died doing a hard days work, meaning the gods had plenty of room for them in the great beyond. We were mules to them, so they could easily replace us. The corpses were dumped in a ditch and left without proper burial. The words they gave us were their way of crowd control. I was always left with haul duty...
I knew the lies, I could recite them after a while, but I never ever believed them. I doubt anyone did, but we kept on walking. We held our heads low. We didn't speak out, we avoided showing much emotion. We were good. We had nothing left.
So, we braced ourselves and fought droughts, famine, and abuse. I watched heatstroke kill some, beatings kill others and soon it became a numbing reality. But still we marched on. Miraculously, I persisted. It was hard to tell why back then. My feelings were kept locked up, so there never was any real expression. There are memories of happiness before then, but why bother? What would those memories have done but just gotten me killed like the rest. Survival was provident. Honestly, my former husk relied solely on that instinct. And in the end, it was what helped me reach an opportunity.
Eight months in, we were guided into the heart of Equestria. The Minotaurs favored the capital for it's countries' annual Trader's Exchange. Bits set aside for a more traditional trading system. Pieces of culture bartered for different pieces, value agreed on by two parties, no strings attached. It was paradise for them given their addictions to crafts and artistry.
The city was a spectacle for sure. Bustling ponies weaving together like a traffic of ants, searching for the next trade. It was a frenzy, which our parade stuck out of like a sore paw. We were able to make our way given the ponies were notably eerie when it came to foreign Minotaur traders. I would learn later that some bad experiences in a town called PonyVille painted both Yaks and Taurs alike as bad apples. Nonetheless, we spread the pony sea without even trying. All of them eager to avoid trouble. There, in that prosperous city, a common oddity reflected upon each face. They all avoided looking at us. We were heathens, our eyes detailing us as nothing but beasts. Intelligence all but dwindled and replaced with ignorant submission. But, we were exotic. Many wondering fillies and colts couldn't help themselves and passing questions were inevitable. My ears would flick at their words, but I'd never register them. I like to think they asked what we were. And I like to think they got guilty answers. I hope oh so dearly that the parents choked out the words as they told those children lies. That we were animals. They knew. All of them knew.
But, their behaviors where none of my concern that day. My mind was honed in on food and water, my thoughts a stir of nothing much else. We made our way to the center of the festival and the Minotaurs went browsing. The herd was left in a pin while I was left to haul once more, this time a simple cart for grocery and coin. A promotion really. I tagged along and helped carry newly bought items. Heavy ones too. I was growing tired after too long and it was seen as time for them to feed me. We went towards the concession where I was to get a nibble of hay while we bought bundles for the other bears. They had split up in the process during the transaction, many wanting to get their own fills. The exchanges were unclear, but a notion of confidence that I would stay put and eat must have been agreed upon, because I was left without being hitched.
For a while, I did just that. But, something kept nudging at me. A certain smell that wasn't hay. It started soft, but after a couple minutes I couldn't quite shake the desire to find it's source. I'd been given plenty to eat in my life, hauling bodies and other heaps of crap left for a big appetite. I was the only bear who'd survived long enough in this group to earn a simple living like this. After a while, they'd become attached to me like I were a pet. A dead brained, punching bag, but still a pet. That said, this smell intrigued me for a reason I wasn't quite sure. This wasn't my first rodeo, and new smells weren't a common weakness for me. Nonetheless, I followed my sniffer. The cart trailing behind me.
I meandered a short distance when I found myself taking a few steps up a sudden staircase in the middle of the festival grounds. The city had plenty of inclines so I wasn't caught off guard really. I began to take a new step when all the sudden I was jerked to a halt. My cart wouldn't go up stairs. The obvious action was to tug and pull fruitlessly. Logic dictated that since I was strong from lots of hauling, I could defy these stairs and reach my destination. I pulled and pulled, grunting with effort, but it was no use. I flopped, belly down, on the staircase and grunted in slight pain, accepting my defeat finally. I was about to back up when I heard a very startling voice.
"Hehe, my, leaving already? Was there not something you wanted, little Red?"
I couldn't understand the words. I couldn't place the voice. But, there was a sound in there. A sound that... that aggravated me. It was rare that something ever stirred me. It's unexplainable though. Deep down, buried within the mounds of silence and submission, was a cry of defiance. Slowly, my head lifted up, a strain on my neck, but something made it necessary. It was essential that I looked. Because something that aggravated me deserved immediate attention. I had learned to abandon that word, along with other synonyms for anger. It'd cost so many other Red Panda's their lives, it was only smart to learn and avoid, but this voice...
My gaze trailed up a pair of white furred legs. Long, white furred legs. It took a moment to travel, but once I caught sight of her croup it became apparent that this wasn't just a normal pony. This was a beautiful... my gaze continued to wonder up... majestic... strands of rainbow mane danced across my eyes... unimaginable... my eyes met hers... pile of shit!
It was there, that I saw it. An emotion that engulfed me in whirl wind of hate almost instantaneously. This certain expression driving out a hatred that would have been unfeasible if the minotuars were around. They weren't, and my rage was free to roam. Rage... that's what it was. I had rage again! And it was focused. Honed. Directed solely on that one expression given to me by the apparent co-ruler of the great land of Equestria...
Genuine sorrow....
She had no business looking at me like that. She just sat and looked. She knew. How dare she.... How Dare She.... HOW DARE SHE!!
Sit there.... and do nothing...
From there, I remember very little besides the effort and desire. The pure unyielding will to kill. To hurt and maim. I was half-way up the stairs in a split second. The cart was tossed wildly around as I made my ascension. My claws scraped against the stone, propelling my ferocity towards my startled target. I was so close it seemed, but always too far away. I was merely feet away when I pounced, soaring through the air, fangs brandished like a pair of feral knives.
A force smashed me down before I could even get in a scratch.
"Ugh! What in the world... commander! What do you think you are doing?! Excessive force on an animal is prohibited!"
"My Princess, I... I hold no disrespect, but I'm fulfilling my duties."
"Which decree do you stand by that permits animal abuse!?! I will not be lectured on obligation when the situation hardly called for it. I can protect myself, Commander. Now cease!!!"
"Ma'am..."
"I. Said. Cease."
There was a long quiet, and the pressure along my body eased away.
"Y-Yes, Princess."
I laid there for what felt like days before a warm glow slowly enveloped my body. It hadn't been substantial, but the mild pain I'd had seconds before melted away, almost completely forgotten in mere moments. I was left dazed. Sensations were seething through my body where there should be numb acceptance. I was reeling from the recent overload.
"That should take care of any careless damage, plus some. You poor thing..."
My body pulsed with another shot of rage, only flashing long enough to have me writhe on the floor. I could hear a disdained sigh before the world around me opened back up. I blinked my eyes suddenly and began to scramble to my paws. The weight of the cart was gone. A sudden dread fell over me at that fact. Another one quaked my body with fear as I heard heavy, familiar hoof steps stomp my direction. Both long forgotten feelings that I'd thought had expired in the recesses of my mind now fleshed out heavily as I heard one Minotaur shout my name. "Zack!!!"
They never called us by name usually. It was always a terrible sign if they did, and his voice was giving me all the signs I needed. I began to shiver more visibly as I slowly turned around. I suddenly became very aware of where my cart had ended up. Having seemingly vanished during my rush towards the princess, the harness had snapped, sending it toppling down a small flight of stairs. Small in theory, but massive when reality struck. Hundreds of bits worth of resalable merchandise now scattered the street, mostly in shambles. Fresh grocery also spilled out and spoiled as it rolled and splattered along the floor. And the cart, both wheels detached and splintered in different places, now desperately in need of repairs. I was dead.
"I believe this one is yours then?" With a shit eating giggle, the tall pony princess behind me went silent for a minute. In her silence came an aura that engulfed the wagon and merch, slowly lifting it and beginning a stunning display of reassembly. The wagon merely squeaked and groaned as it was welded together again, as if melting the wood into place. It gleamed it's golden glaze for all of seconds before a perfectly repaired wagon stood before everyone. The miscellaneous items were also brought back to pristine condition, while the grocery was simple teleported away.
"My guards will help with affording more food, I assure you. Please, do excuse my Commander. On his behalf, I am deeply sorry for the harm shown towards your pet. It will NOT, happen again."
The next few exchanges were awkward and clunky. Both sides trying to brush the issue to the side, weary of any tensions that might arise from the unfortunate situation. While the Minotaur's tone changed, my fear stayed strong. While everything was fixed, a subtle and unspoken rule had been broken today. I'd caused trouble. I'd wounded the pride of a group of abusers and given them a scare. One did not simply walk away after scaring a Minotaur, especially a punching bag like myself. There were going to break me.
***
Author's Note
Still going strong! Haha. So far this hasn't been well received, or received much at all honestly. But, I expected that. In fact, I'm kind of glad. This much silence in the comments tells me that I have a long way to go. And I feel I'm ready to start the grueling climb.
Anyway, still looking for people willing to edit my words. Would absolutely love the support, what ever little you might be comfortable with. That said, here's another chapter!
