DiamondBloom's Hangout Time

by Cadiefly

Rating: teen
Tags: Apple Bloom, Comedy, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 7477

Every day is a bright new day for the Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom couple, and with it comes a completely new experience.

In each of these light-hearted one-shots, Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom always seem to find themselves in the craziest of situations. Whether they are masquerading in a play, writing stories about themselves, or finding whacky mythical objects of unknown powers, you can always count on them to make it comical.

Published 2016-12-13 14:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2018-05-15 18:15:00 UTC

Truth Or Dare

There was something different about the cutie mark crusaders today. Diamond Tiara couldn't quite put her hoof to what that was, however. Only when they began trotting towards the crusaders did she begin to get some sense of what was going on.

Why Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo were pushing Apple Bloom across the ground, kicking up dirt as they did so, was beyond Diamond's comprehension. It could also very well be that she just didn't care. Mocking them for it, however, would definitely get a kick out of her day, and she urged Silver Spoon to follow along with her plan.

As the two groups approached each other, Diamond Tiara noticed how Apple Bloom didn't seem to be willing to go through whatever it was they were trying to get her to do. She called them out on this strange behavior. "Lookie what we have here. Trying to get your cutie marks in pony snatching?"

Satisfaction initially overcame her when she saw Apple Bloom quivering. The other two fillies in Apple Bloom's clique, however, were unaffected by Diamond's jeer. What the hay? Surely that was enough to get some kind of rise out of them, as usually they got upset over even the smallest things that she said. Something was different about today indeed.

"Come on, a dare is a dare!" Yelled Scootaloo, who raised a hoof in Diamond's direction to drive home her point. "You can't back out now!"

Without the context clues, Diamond was completely baffled over their conversation. She had a bad feeling about what was going to happen next.

"Ah dun wanna. Ya never said anythin' about this." Apple Bloom said. When Scootaloo didn't acquiesce, Apple Bloom sighed and said, "Ah'll take truth instead Scoots. Just dun make me do this."

"Nope." Scootaloo said. "Not budging on this one. Come over here Sweetie Belle, let's help her out a little."

"What are you blank flanks going on about?" Diamond Tiara asked as she watched Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo push Apple Bloom straight into her.

Diamond Tiara toppled end over end until she landed firmly on her back with Apple Bloom on top over her. She groaned as she clenched her eyes shut in pain. From above her, she heard Apple Bloom's voice. "Please, no!"

Opening her eyes, Diamond Tiara saw Scootaloo towering over them, cackling as she cried, "You will kiss her!" She shoved Apple Bloom's head into Diamond's peripherals.

Shock overwhelmed Diamond Tiara as she felt the strange sensation of Apple' Bloom's lips on her own. Apple Bloom's eyes matched hers in expression.

Immediately a wave of disgust coursed through Diamond as she tried to free herself, which was difficult to manage with two ponies on top of her. 'Have they gone insane?'

Finally, after much struggling, Diamond wiggled her way out of their grasp and backed away from them. She tried not to let it show, but she was really freaking out over what they had just done. "Bleh, what the hay was that?" She asked as she glared daggers at the cutie mark crusaders.

Sweetie Belle rejoined Scootaloo and Apple Bloom and asked, "So? How was it?"

Apple Bloom mulled it over a second as she got back into a sitting position. She puckered her lips and ran her tongue along her lips, tasting the remnants of the kiss. "Hmm, It felt better than Ah thought it would." Apple Bloom responded.

Turning to look at Diamond Tiara in a new light, her eyes followed Diamond Tiara's body up and down, checking her out. "Ah dun think ah would mind doin' it again."

Diamond shuddered as she felt Apple Bloom's lustful eyes on her. She made a one-eighty and stiffly trotted away "Gah! I can't sit here and listen to this. Come on Silver Spoon, let's get out of here." Diamond Tiara said as she slowly stepped away, trying not to break out into an all out run. She was seriously crept out about that look of lust.

While they were trotting away, Silver Spoon said, "Can you believe the nerve of that farm pony?"

"Yeah, I know. Let's steer clear of them from now on. Especially Apple Bloom. Did you see the way she looked at me?" Diamond Tiara asked as they left. She shuddered at the mental picture of Apple Bloom checking her out.

When they were gone, the cutie mark crusaders, with the exception of Apple Bloom, burst out laughing. "I can't believe that worked! We won't have to deal with them for at least a week after that."

Apple Bloom sighed as she stared at the direction in which they departed in, a longing inside her to do that again. With a shake of her head, she turned back to her friends and said, "Alright who's next?" When Sweetie Belle raised her hoof, Apple Bloom continued, "Alright, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed joyfully, a wide beam settling on her face.

"Is it true ya have a crush on Silver Spoon?" Apple Bloom asked with a smug look on her face.

With a blush on her face, Sweetie Belle asked, "Is it that obvious?"

A New Pet

"Daddy, I want a pet." Diamond begged as Filthy Rich walked into his manor that evening. She gave him the cutest sad face she could pull off.

Filthy gave her a suspicious look; was she even ready to take care of a pet? "Princess, are you sure you want a pet? They're a lot of responsibility; an animal can't take care of itself like we ponies can."

"Pleeease!" Diamond Tiara cried as she got down on her hindquarters and shook her fore-hooves together frantically. "I must have a pet! All of the other kids at school have one. Apple Bloom has her pet dog Winona, Sweetie Belle has her pet cat Opalescence, and Silver Spoon has her pet parrot, Iago!"

She neglected to tell her father all of those pets were actually their family members' pets and not theirs, but she didn't let the details bog her reasoning down. She just couldn't stand not having a pet any longer, not after she saw her best friend, Silver Spoon, with her parrot. Oddly enough she was holding a serpent staff at the time and proclaiming that she was roleplaying as 'Jafar', whoever that was, but Diamond Tiara had no idea what she was talking about.

He ran his hoof across his chin for a bit longer. "I don't know..."

Scared that she wouldn't have her way, she began to wail as she cried, "If I don't get a pet, I'll be the laughing stock at school. It'd be the worst! Possible! Thing!"

Filthy grunted. He hated when his daughter always got her way. He supposed this was his fault for always acquiescing to her demands, but it was hard to say no to his little princess. Besides, he thought, it's already too late. She's already doomed to grow up spoiled. As long as she doesn't enslave somepony, I guess it's fine.

With the fleeting thought, he handed her a big bag of bits and said, "Fine...just don't bring back anything dangerous. I don't want to see my princess hurt. And make sure to feed it, bathe it, and give it lots of love."

"Will do, daddy!" Diamond Tiara beamed. 'Score!' She thought as she mentally pictured herself punching the air with her hooves. she took the bits appreciatively and then gave him a hug and said, "You're the best."

The next day, she was over at Fluttershy's cottage, pouring through her wide selection of animals. "That one's too big...Too small...Too fat...Too slow...Too fast." There seemed to be no end of complaints on Diamond Tiara's part. It wasn't her fault that none of the pets were too her liking.

"Hmm...Do you have anything that has yellow fur?" Diamond Tiara asked Fluttershy, who looked a bit confused.

She looked down at the ground for a moment before saying, "Perhaps you would like this yellow striped bat?"

Diamond Tiara reeled away from its horrid stench. Sticking out her tongue, she cried, "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. There's no way I'd want that!"

Moments later, as she was continuing to pour over the selection and beginning to think that today was all for naught, she saw somepony running up to the cottage. It was Apple Bloom running some errands for her older sister.

"Howdy, Fluttershy. Applejack's got the apple truffles ya ordered. Straight out of the oven." Apple Bloom smiled up to Fluttershy as she handed over the truffles.

A dastardly grin settled on Diamond Tiara's face. 'This was exactly what I was looking for!' she thought as she stared at Apple Bloom. She trotted up to Fluttershy and handed her bits over to the shy mare. "She's perfect. I'll take her."

Apple Bloom turned to Diamond Tiara and responded, "Huh?" Suddenly she was picked up, which must have been a hard feat for the pink filly to accomplish considering they were the same size. She groaned as she attempted to carry Apple Bloom off.

"What the hay?" Apple Bloom asked as she stared down at the rich pony.

"Thank you for your services, Miss Flutteryshy. I shall take really good care of her." Diamond said before parting ways, still straining under the pressure.

"What's goin' on? Why are you carrying me?" Apple Bloom asked. She was becoming more annoyed by the second. Finally, she shouted, "Put me down."

"Never!" Diamond Tiara cackled in maniacal laughter. "I've been needing a new pet, and you're the perfect filly for the job."

Apple Bloom stared down at Diamond Tiara and gulped. This wasn't happening, right? This was just a dream. It had to be.

Diamond Tiara pulled her down and wrapped her hooves around her tightly. "Shh. Everything will be alright, Pumpkin. I'll be sure to feed you, and water you, and clothe you, and give you lots of love. We're going to have lots of fun together." She broke out into another fit of laughter as she took her new pet home.

The Queen

For the umpteenth time that hour, Apple Bloom was catering Diamond Tiara to her every whim. This might have been abnormal for your everyday ponies, but this was already second-nature to the duo. For one to always be subservient to the other. For one of them was a queen and the other just a handmaiden, always there at the queen's beck and call.

Diamond Tiara might have been a bit young to be the queen, but then again she was a self-proclaimed queen of the parking lot outside a quaint little shop in Ponyville, so no one even knew the difference.

Her domain was a little small at the moment, but there was no doubt in her mind that she would one day rise to Greatness second to none. Even princess Celestia would have to bow to her because even if she was a ruler, she was still just a princess. Diamond Tiara cackled at the thought of ruling over princess Celestia.

"What the hay are you laughin' 'bout?" Apple Bloom asked as she continued brushing Diamond Tiara's extravagant mane. She had a look of disbelief on her face. With a sigh, she continued brushing the mane.

With every passing minute, the whole event was becoming more and more profound. Diamond Tiara had called her out to play with her this morning, asking her to come out her to this parking lot amidst carriages and other non-motorized-vehicles. When she got there, Diamond Tiara had already set up what Apple Bloom could only surmise as a play fort.

The interior had a mini throne set, fully equipped with a carpet leading up to a fancy-looking chair. To the side of the chair was a primping station. They were currently situated at the station.

"Oh, nothing much. Just how I will one day rule all of Equestria! You're lucky to be serving under the most beautiful and amazing queen that's ever existed."

Apple Bloom bit her tongue as she resisted the urge to guffaw at the notion. Diamond Tiara was in complete denial. She had only gone along with this so far because the other filly seemed to want to spend quality time with her. Her crush on the pink pony was no secret. Despite her crush being no secret, Diamond Tiara didn't seem to mind even if she didn't visibly return those affections. It was almost as if she expected the farm filly to feel this way.

Continuing with her train of thought, Diamond Tiara said, "What am I saying? Of course you'd flock to serving me. You couldn't not bask yourself in my greatness. And you can even get your cutie mark in being my handmaiden. Although, what would that even look like?"

Apple Bloom's amusement quickly shifted to annoyance. Really, a cutie mark in being a servant? More over, having a picture of Diamond Tiara's face on her flank practically screamed ownership. There was no way she was going permit herself being less than an equal to Diamond Tiara.

Calm Down, her mind told her. They were just playing, so where was the harm in having a little fun?

"Oh who cares. Anything's better than having a blank flank, am I right blank flank?" Diamond said as she admired herself in the mirror.

That comment struck a nerve. Apple Bloom threw the brush down onto the gravel parking lot. " 'At's it. Ah'm done." She turned and began to stomp off.

Jumping up from her seated position, Diamond Tiara held out a hoof towards the retreating pony and cried out. "Wait...Bloomy! Don't go!"

Apple Bloom's heart skipped a beat as she overheard the affectionate nick name her friend gave her. She stopped in her trek feeling a wonderful feeling come along. That filly knew just what to say to get her to stay. Curses.

Still, she had to try to resist. Fighting the growing smile on her face, she turned to face her. "Why shouldn't Ah go?"

"Why?" Diamond reiterated Apple Bloom's question. She waltzed over to her and placed a hoof around her shoulder. "We're a duo. That's why!"

With her other fore hoof, she pointed in front of her and waved it across the sky. "Together we are DiamondBloom. Where would I be without my Bloom? Where would you be without your Diamond?"

Immediately, Apple Bloom was beet red. "Aw, shucks Di. Ya really think so?"

"I know so." she replied with a smile on her face. "Besides, without your blank flank around, I don't stand out nearly as much."

With an exasperated groan, Apple Bloom flung up her hooves and trotted away.

"What's eating her?" she asked to no one in particular. She then gave a shrug and walked back over to her play set.

In the time that she had been gone, a colt had approached it and was inspecting. He had a look of anger on his face as he was looking for the set's owner. His eyes then fell onto her and he cried out. "Is this yours?!"

"Peasant! Step away from my kingdom! For I am its queen!" she cried out.

"Kingdom? Queen? This is my parking lot you rascal. Get your toys off my property!" He shouted back to her.

When Diamond Tiara refused his order, he kicked the toys in her general direction. This elicited a gasp from her, and she retorted, "We'll see about that!"

The next day Diamond Tiara returned to the parking lot and confronted the owner. In her hooves she held a deed to the parking lot and a large sum of money. She handed the owner both and said, "I will buy this land."

The colt just stared at the money for a moment. He wanted to tell her off, but it was a pretty hefty amount and he really wasn't using this parking lot for very much anyways. "Eh, whatever." He took the bits and signed the deed over to Diamond Tiara.

"Pleasure doing business with you. Now, get out of my kingdom!" she yelled at the colt.

As he walked away, the colt muttered, "What a weirdo. I think she's got a loose screw or something..."

When he disappeared around the corner, she began cackling maniacally. "Equestria will be mine! All mine!" When her laughter died down, she stared around the empty parking lot for a moment. It was so quiet that one could hear crickets chirping in the background. "I'm bored." She said, and then walked off.

Author's Note

I learned a little bit about hyphens before this chapter.... and now I'm probably overusing them. :rainbowlaugh:

Let me know if I am. :twilightblush:

"Together we are DiamondBloom...

Also, I think I broke the fourth wall a bit with this statement.

Unwrapping Gifts

The sounds of a rooster crying off in the distance awoke the residents of Sweet Apple Acres. It was still very early in the morning, before the sun had even risen to be exact, when Apple Bloom opened her eyes and gasped. With a big smile planted on her face, she jumped up with glee and hopped out of bed.

"It's Hearth's Warming Eve!" She exclaimed as she bounced around the room in the most giddy manner imaginable for a young filly such as herself. She did a little twirl and ran about in her room haphazardly in an attempt to get ready for the new day in the shortest amount of time possible. So excited was she that she had just managed to tie her bow on lopsided before exiting her bedroom and rushing down the stairs.

Upon entering their family room, a gorgeous tree met her gaze, shining brilliantly with its luminescent lights and candy decorations. With a twinkle in her eyes, Apple Bloom raced to the presents to inspect them. With her imagination, she undressed the presents, trying to predict what each gloriously wrapped box might possess as she waited for the rest of her family members to make their way down. If she had any less patience, she might not have been able to last that long.

She took one glance back up the stairs. None of the others had even exited their rooms yet, and she shook uncontrollably. "Oh, Ah wanna open my presents up now." She circled around the presents twice, each one addressed to one of the five occupants, including Winona, of their household.

That was when one particular present caught her attention. She stared at it for a moment as she walked up to it. It was the most prettily wrapped box out of the bunch, and it was by far the biggest. Apple Bloom's eyes grew to the size of saucers as she soaked in its magnificence. "This present looks amazing!"

Looking down at the tag on the box, she noticed that it was addressed to her. It had no names to indicate who it was from, so Apple Bloom assumed that it had been from the whole family. "Well, Ah'll be. Ah thought Ah'd have ta wait till next year for that..."

She reached her hooves around it and tried, and failed, to pick it up. Even putting all her effort into her hind legs, she was not able to lift the box up off the ground. She eventually settled for splaying herself out on top of the present and then relaxing on it.

Shifting herself atop the box, she rubbed her hooves across the paper, mesmerized by its elastic texture and the nice rubbery sound it gave off as a result. Tentatively she licked the paper and clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she took in its taste. Loving its taste, she proceeded to slobber all over it.

Staring down at it gleefully, Apple Bloom rubbed her hooves tantalizingly across the paper some more as she cooed, "Ah wanna open you so bad..."

After a few minutes, Apple Bloom reluctantly withdrew from the gift and stared back up the stairs. "That's odd. What's takin' them so long?" She asked. Within a mere moment, she was back to admiring the beauty of her giant gift.

Placing her hooves back on the present, she played with the wrapper until a small rip formed. Apple Bloom bit her lips and stood stock-still. She worriedly glanced around to see if she was going to get in trouble, but when nopony came, she resumed playing with the wrapping paper, this time more aggressively. "But sis, Ah didn't mean ta. The wrappin' paper practically tore itself..." She murmured to herself, deciding that that would be the perfect excuse if she was caught.

When her handiwork was finished, Apple Bloom stared at the box, now unwrapped, in wonder. It was plainly white, bearing no other distinguishable features aside from its size. There was no indication as to the prize inside, which only serve to confound the little filly further. What was inside? She must know!

As she was about to grab a hold of the lid to reveal the box's contents, The lid erupted from the box on its own accord. Suddenly, one extremely winded Diamond Tiara was sitting upright in the box and panting heavily.

"What the hay?" Apple Bloom asked as she stared at the filly before her. That was the last thing she expected to see standing before her when she opened that gift. She shook her head in disbelief.

In trying to explain herself, all Diamond Tiara managed to accomplish was to tip over the box and continue taking in deep breaths of air. When she finally did speak, it was in a quite broken speech. "...Water...Need..."

Immediately complying with this request, Apple Bloom darted towards the kitchen and retrieved a glass of water. She promptly handed her the glass, to which Diamond Tiara gulped down. Streamlets of water cascaded from her lips as she quenched her thirst. When she was finally done, Diamond Tiara said, "Much better."

"Now that ya had yur water. Why're ya in the present?" Apple Bloom asked.

In exasperation, Diamond Tiara slapped a hoof onto her own face and said, "You dumb blank flank. I wasn't just in the present." She began to blush as she pointed to herself. "I am the present."

Dumbfounded, Apple Bloom stare at her and said, "Ah don't get it. What does that mean?"

Getting up from her makeshift home inside the box, Diamond Tiara swayed over to Apple Bloom, the swish of her tail pronounced as she gave her her most alluring smile. "It means I'm all yours, you silly filly," she responded.

Apple Bloom gulped as she processed what this meant. "As in...you'll be my marefriend?"

Lifting up Apple Bloom's chin with her hoof, Diamond Tiara gazed lovingly into her eyes and said, "I'll be whatever you want me to be, my little Appletini."

It was at that precise moment that the lights flickered on and Applejack came waltzing into the room unawares. Looking down at the two fillies before her, she said. "Aw, shucks, Diamond Tiara. It's Hearth's Warming Eve, shouldn't Y'all be home with yur parents?"

Freaking out at the fact that Applejack had caught her presence being here, Apple Bloom was struggling to find an excuse. "She's ma marefriend!" She finally blurted, as if that answered anything.

Applejack stared the two fillies, her mind shutting down at the information overload that Apple Bloom had just dumped on her. She was quite literally speechless, and her mouth was gaping as if to catch flies.

Distracted for a moment by Applejack's question, Apple Bloom snapped back to reality and turned to what she can only surmise to be her new marefriend, if she took her statement at face value. She said, "Yeah, why aren't ya with yur own family, Di? Won't they be worried when they find out ya ain't there?"

Set into a giggling frenzy, Diamond Tiara said in between laughter, "Don't worry. They won't notice I'm gone. I had an android created in my spitting image. They're gone from the house so much, they won't notice the different."

"A what now?"

With another giggle, Diamond Tiara leaned in and stole a kiss from her beloved. "I said not to worry your pretty little flank over it. Now come here." She leaned back in and kissed her tenderly, leading her into a make out session, right in front of Applejack.

"Well Ah'll be. My sis likes mares. who wudda thunk it?" Applejack said noncommittally as she walked away, trying to avoid staring at the intimacy between two fillies that she was clearly not ready to handle.

Author's Note

I elected to push back the release date on the other chapter for this story that I was going to put out, instead favoring to release this chapter. The idea popped into my head as I was about to fall asleep, and with it being Christmas Eve, I simply couldn't resist writing about this. Hope ya'll enjoyed it.

Funny note: apparently Apple Bloom isn't able to pick up Diamond Tiara. Yet in one of the other chapters Diamond Tiara picked her up with ease. Discrepencies, author, discrepencies. :derpytongue2:

I also love how Apple Bloom was patient enough to wait for them and then promptly opened up a present before they arrived. Not so patient after all. :trollestia:

The Best Story Ever

'All of the best stories begin with an epic backstory. Apple Bloom had been a stowaway on the Rich family's caravan bound for Canterlot, where all of the richest ponies of Equestria gathered to partake in fine wine and discuss about the finer things in life. Tired of the poor life of an unsophisticated street rat, this was the one chance for Apple Bloom make something of her life. Unbeknownst to the Rich family, she traveled together with them all over Equestria from the confines of one of their cargo crates.'

Diamond Tiara was suddenly interrupted by the sound of her door barging open. At its entrance was Apple Bloom, who began trotting over to her. "What are ya doin'? We're gonna be late for the play." She looked down at the parchment on the desk in front of Diamond, and beamed. "Is that a story you're writin'? What is it about?" Peering her head over the other filly's shoulder, she tried to sneak a peek at the words written on the page, which was promptly obscured by Diamond's protective hooves. "Means that much to ya, huh? It ain't that bad, right?"

"It's not finished yet!" A hiss emitted from Diamond Tiara as she pushed the page farther away from Apple Bloom. In the process, she nearly crumpled the page into a ball. As long as she kept it away from her fillyfriend's hooves, she didn't mind her story being torn a little. The whole piece had been for her own enjoyment, after all. A fantasy for her to dream herself away onto a whimsical adventure leading to nowhere and everywhere. On the off chance that she did release it to the general public of Ponyville, however, then she had no doubt that it would be critically acclaimed by the masses. She was a natural at everything; there was no way it would be bad.

"Gee, sorry." Apple Bloom then mumbled quietly to herself, "I was just curious." On her way back over to the door, Apple Bloom said, "Are we gonna go to the play now, or am I gonna have ta go by myself on Hearts and Hooves day?"

Having second thoughts on her decision to withhold the story from the farm pony, she turned and reached out to stop her in her tracks. "Wait! Don't leave. I'll let you help me make it. It's about ... It's about us."

Her eyes lighting up with joy, Apple Bloom returned to Diamond's side and said, "Do ya mean it? But I don't rightly know where ta begin. I never wrote a story before, unless ya count the gabby gums incident. And I ain't ever doin' that again. What are we gonna call it?"

"Oh, I've already got a name for it," the pink filly said. With her love by her side, she knew they would create a master piece that would last throughout the ages. Her very being was brimming with determination. Whilst holding the quill, she slapped her hoof on the table and continued, "I'll call it 'The Best Story Ever'."

Upon hearing the title of the work, Apple Bloom looked at her questioningly. "Are ya sure that's a good idea? I reckon the townsfolk would say otherwise."

Shaking her head in disagreement, she just went back into her working on the literature. She couldn't help but think of how appropriate the title was. She hadn't a clue how else to convey to everypony that it was the epitome of excellence. After this was finished, everypony would want to try to get famous by mimicking her work.

'One night, the Rich family was attacked by a group of militarized bandits. In their possessions were pikes, knives, and even these Bazooka things that went boom when fired. With their weapons pointed at the family, they threatened them into handing over their valuable cargo of merchandise. With that in hoof, the bandits would become notoriously powerful and rich beyond their wildest dreams. Little did they know, however, that stowed away among the merchandise was Apple Bloom, who would put a stop to their plans.'

"Hold on now. Mila-what now? And what in tarnation is a bay...zoka?" Apple Bloom scratched her head as her eyes scanned over the text. By the way her brows furled, Diamond could see the confusion present in her face.

Annoyed at having to explain every little detail to her partner, she said, "It's called being creative, and I made the word up. I imagine a Bazooka shoots fireworks or something. Like, it's more deadly though." She then gripped her quill tighter and scribbled away on her scroll, trying to put the distraction out of her head and return to her work.

"Uh-huh. Whatever ya say." Attempting to decipher what was going through her fillyfriend's mind, a bemused Apple Bloom sat down and rested her now aching head on the table. Shifting her head so that she could watch the quill dart across the paper, she said, "I just don't get why bandits gotta be in this story. Ain't it about us?"

"It is. If you'd just let me get to it, you'll see."

'Popping out of one of the containers, Apple Bloom landed between the Rich family and the evildoers. She wore a black garb and an accompanying tabi on her hooves. With a sword in mouth, she was ready to face the bandits head on. She said to them, "I will not abide by your evil schemes. Put down your weapons, or in the name of honor I shall cut you down where you stand."

The sudden slamming of Apple Bloom's hooves upon her desk caused Diamond Tiara to pull away and glance in her direction. The filly was fuming, glaring back down at the paper. "What the hay am I wearin'? And that ain't how I sound at all!"

Pursing her lips, she placed the quill down with a shaking hand and replied, "Like, it doesn't have to be realistic. That would be boring, and it's my fantasy, so I'm getting rid of your hick accent. I didn't like it anyways. Besides, I'm making you cooler, aren't I?"

With tears in her eyes and quivering lips, Apple Bloom said, "But I thought ya liked my accent."

Groaning at her fillyfriend's pleas, she reluctantly relented. "Fine! You can have your accent back."

'Leaping from the depths of one of the containers to rescue the Rich family, Apple Bloom placed herself in front of the evildoers. Though she was crippled from her extremely hard life as a homeless foal, having two wheels on either side of her rear hooves for support and one blinded eye, she was willing to sacrifice her pitiful life if it meant saving her beloved Princess Diamond Tiara, who was totally worth dying for because she was obviously the best filly in the world. "Dagnabbit, Ah ain't gonna let ya lay one hoof on mah Diamond Tiara!"'

Handing over the story over to the farm pony, she said confidently, "There, it's better now."

After inspecting the parchment, Apple Bloom's deadpanned eyes gazed at Diamond Tiara. "You make me sound like I'm about ta die or somethin'. And I don't rightly know why you made me sound like that. My accent ain't that bad, is it?"

Diamond Tiara began grinding her teeth. The quill snapped in half under her grip. Taking the broken instrument, she scratched out the entire paragraph and wrote below it her final rendition of the scene. No matter what Apple Bloom said at this point, she wouldn't change it back.

'Out of the containers came not Apple Bloom but Prince Blueblood, who gallantly came to the rescue of the Rich family. As it turned out, Apple Bloom had stowed away on the wrong caravan bound for Prance, where she would later be mauled and left to die by the hoof of a thug whose existence only spanned the mere seconds it took for him to carry out his nefarious deed. Prince Blueblood defeated the bandits. Naturally he and Diamond Tiara were betrothed and married months later. The end.'

Rolling her eyes, Apple Bloom tugged on Diamond Tiara and pulled her away from 'The Best Story Ever'. "Let's just go. I reckon we're missin' the play, and on our anniversary of all days. Why were you even writin' that in the first place?"

Diamond Tiara chuckled nervously and tried to appear apologetic as she said, "I wanted to give you something special for Hearts and Hooves day. I guess I got a little carried away. I'm sorry."

Shooting her a smile, Apple Bloom replied, "You don't have ta give me nothin'. Just us bein' together is enough for me." Hoof in hoof, the couple strode out of the room and towards the play. The story, in a crumpled mess on the floor, had promptly been forgotten about. At the end of parchment, however, was one last paragraph that had been written out in advance.

'All of the best love stories have a cool ending. They don't just end with 'The End'. They end with the protagonist getting their love interest. Okay, maybe not always, but at least they knew the time they spent together was precious. Happy Hearts and Hooves day, Apple Bloom.'

It Must Be Aliens

Apple Bloom was tired. She was out of breath and her muscles ached. Her only solace was that at least she was still running, as far away from the object of her torment as she could. She didn’t want to think about the unspeakable horrors that would befall her should she be captured.

Perhaps she was running too quickly, however, as an unwavering pebble stopped her in her tracks, sending her careening to the ground. She groaned painfully; her coat surely adorned new scratches now. Should she stop to lick her wounds, this would portend worse things.

She chanced a glance behind her and gasped when it was apparent no distance had been gained. Flinging herself off the ground in desperation, Apple Bloom redoubled her efforts. As long as she wasn’t caught, she couldn’t give up hope yet. She must escape!

Although it was impossible to tell how long she had been running, she had yet to hear her name called by her pursuer. This did not particularly surprise her, however, as this was hardly the pony she had come to known.

Around a corner she went, and as she narrowly ducked underneath an unsuspecting shop keeper, she briefly wondered how this had all come to pass. It was only thirty minutes prior that her greatest nemesis, Diamond Tiara, had shown her an ounce of kindness.

It went against all the laws of nature! The development turned everything she had ever known upside down. Apple Bloom simply couldn’t handle that knowledge.

She weaved through the hoof traffic of Ponyville’s town square, careful not to abruptly reach a dead end. As she skirted by another mobile shop, the picture of her clubhouse solidly formed in her mind. Seeing this as the only real place of solitude from the bully, she resolved to make that her destination. She might even receive backup from her fellow Cutie Mark Crusaders. By enlisting their help, it would grant her amnesty from any ploy the demon had concocted.

Apple Bloom eventually made it to the clubhouse. Once inside, though, she was immediately aware that she was the only one there. Without sparing a second to languish over her isolation, she boarded up the door with wood and nails. She was just about to do the same for the windows when she noticed Diamond Tiara outside.

“Come on out, blank flank. I have a treat for you,” the pink filly said.

“Not by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin!”

“I’m a pony, not a wolf.” Diamond Tiara deadpanned.

“Don’t like that one? I got about a hundred more culture references where that one came from. But frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!” Apple Bloom shut the window before Diamond Tiara had the chance to respond.

Though her voice was deafened, Apple Bloom could still hear the other pony from outside. “You’ll have to come down there sometime, silly!”

There she laid, inside the clubhouse, for hours. Every now and again, she looked out the window and stared at the pony; for reasons beyond her understanding, the pony continued waiting patiently instead of giving up.

By the time the sun set, Apple Bloom was idly pushing a toy block across the window sill with profound disinterest. Her eyes trailed upward, into the window, and saw that Diamond Tiara still hadn’t left her alone.

She groaned and, after opening the window, cried, “Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

“Pff, as if.” She placed a hoof on the ramp leading up to the clubhouse. “I haven’t hoofed over your present yet!”

“This ain’t like you. Who are you and what did you do to the real Diamond Tiara? I reckon you’d always be the bully and I the victim.” Apple Bloom flung the upper half of her body onto the window sill in exasperation. “That’s how it’s s’posed to be.”

“Who died and made you the thought police?” The filly galloped up the ramp and pressed against the door. “My patience is running thin, blank flank. Let me in, or I’m busting this door down.”

“You’ll never catch me!” Apple Bloom leaped from the window, intending to make a run for it toward her farmhouse. It wasn’t that far, so catching the other filly by surprise, even for a moment, would be all that she needed to get away.

Unfortunately, the girl had other plans in mind. Diamond Tiara’s reflexes were quick, jumping after her and catching her in midair. Together they tumbled and rolled across the ground. By the time they were motionless, Apple Bloom was nestled safely within Diamond’s forelegs.

“I guess you caught me.” Apple Bloom laughed, glancing around anywhere but at her companion. “I reckon I should’ve thought that one through a bit more.”

She watched as this stranger, whom obviously couldn’t be Diamond Tiara, retrieved a satchel from her back and placed it into her grasp. She then nuzzled her and let go.

“It’s aliens,” she said. “It’s gotta be aliens. There’s no other explanation.”

“Yeah, because there’s no way I could possibly want to give my soon-to-be marefriend a present on her birthday.”

“How’d ya know it was my birthday?” she looked directly into Diamond’s eyes now. “Wait… marefriend?!”

“For somepony who gets the best grades in class, you sure are dense. Luckily for you that I’m around to smooth out all your rough edges.” Apple Bloom was again nuzzled by the rich pony.

“Gee, Diamond Tiara, I dunno what to say. But I ain’t got any feelings for ya.” She gulped as she she scratched her mane. “No hard feelings, right?”

“Pff, I won’t take no for an answer.” Diamond Tiara’s eyes, wide as they can be, flinched. She went cross-eyed and ground her teeth together. “You will be my marefriend.”

“Yep. It’s aliens.” She whimpered and then pushed the crazy pony away. Launching herself away, she ran for her life toward the farmhouse, away from the nonsense. As expected, it was not long before she was once again being pursued.

“Get your sexy, blank flank back here!”

She was stricken with utter terror. The girl was even worse now than when she was a bully, something she never thought possible. Tears were in her eyes, but she forced them back as she weaved through a grove of trees. What had she done wrong with her life to lead to this? She might never know, but she silently prayed that if she was caught now she would come to a swift end.

Unpredictably, she managed to make it within the safety of her home. She huffed and puffed and was ready to fall over. But she was alive.

A weight around her shoulders suddenly caught her attention. She looked down and noticed that she still had her ‘gift’. She shuddered and thrust the bag onto the floor. It clattered until it came to a stop and its contents spilled out. It was merely a book.

She walked over to the book and picked it up. Attached to the book’s cover was a note:

Apple Bloom,

If you’re reading this note, then that means you’ve acquired my diary, and for that I am glad. I wouldn’t normally give somepony else something so personal, but I saw little other hope of expressing my unwavering love for you. I am not as good at doing that as you might think I am, and this diary has all my written accounts that explain why I bullied you so much when we first met. The truth of the matter is that I find you unbearably cute.

Love,

Diamond Tiara

She gagged, crumpled the note, and threw it over her shoulder. She thought against reading the diary entirely at first, but the note had practically begged her to read it. Hesitant, she opened the diary to the first page.

Psych. As if I would ever give you my diary. You’re always so fun to tease, blank flank!

There was three, soft knocks on the door. “Oh, Apple Bloom! Won’t you let me in?” Diamond Tiara singsonged.

Ready to confront the bully’s antics this time, she opened the door. “Ha, ha, ha. You got me good this time. Made me believe you had feelings for me and everything!”

Diamond Tiara dropped her act, busting out into a fit of giggles. “It’s just too easy to get to you blank flank. You should have seen the look on your face when I said I’d take no for an answer.”

“I didn’t find it very funny.” She pouted and glared at Diamond.

“Who cares what you think?” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes and sniggered. “You’re just a blank flank.”

The pink filly suddenly closed the distance between them and whispered into her ear. “I wasn’t lying though. I really do find you unbearably cute.”

Apple Bloom was flustered and surprised, unable to say anything in return. Diamond Tiara seized this opportunity to steal a kiss from her. She felt flush as she gasped and put her hooves to her mouth.

“Mmm…” Diamond Tiara licked her lips. “That was so delightful. I’ll remember this always. My first kiss. With that, I can finally let you go. That is, unless you don’t want me to.”

When the filly didn’t get any response, she began trotting merrily out of the home. That is, until Apple Bloom jumped onto her. Once on the ground, their forelegs intertwined, Apple Bloom passionately kissed her back.

“I don’t know what you did with Diamond Tiara, Ms. Alien, but I reckon you’ll make a wonderful marefriend.”

Author's Note

This served as a good break from the newest piece I'm working on, Effigy of a Dragon. I do hope that this one-shot remained upbeat and funny to you, although I do understand if you felt it could have been better.

Still, I didn't want to spend too much time thinking of the design of its narrative, as I was having lots of fun creating something non-serious whilst providing you all something while I continue my efforts on other, more serious projects.

Regardless, I hope you all enjoyed. :twilightsmile: