Merry Christmas!!!
Applejack raced down the snow-covered road that led to town. Snow crunched and ice cracked under her pounding hooves. Every heavy exhale created a cloud of white vapor that quickly vanished into the freezing air. The bitter cold penetrated her fur and chilled her to the very core. A strong wind kicked up, blowing snow and making the ancient trees that lined the path groan. Still Applejack pressed on, sprinting as fast as she could to her destination.
Rounding a corner, she quickly had to slam the brakes on. Her momentum nearly hurled her face into the snow, but she caught herself just in time. Steadying herself, she asked with utter surprise, “Fluttershy!?”
“Oh, hello Applejack,” responded the butterscotch pegasus. She wore her usual purple sweater and earmuffs. “Are you headed to Twilight’s castle too?”
“Yeah.” Applejack glanced down at Fluttershy’s flank and saw her cutie mark flashing. “Looks like we’ve been called on a friendship mission.” Applejack stepped forward and the two mares continued down the path. Applejack slowed down her pace to allow her friend to keep up, but both mares hurried to town.
“Do you suppose we’re headed back to Las Pegasus?” asked Fluttershy, a note of apprehension in her voice.
“Ah hope not. One trip to Las Pegasus was 'nuff fer me.”
“I know what you mean. It’s so big, with so many ponies. And there’s so little to do if you don’t gamble.”
“Besides, I want to keep as far away from those Flim Flam brothers as possible.”
The two ponies entered the outskirts of town. Everywhere they looked there were signs of the season. All the lampposts were wrapped in red ribbon and sported either wreaths or bows. Every pine tree was festooned with decorations and topped by a beautiful star. Strands of colorful lights hung suspended between the buildings, ready to be turned on as Celestia’s sun disappeared behind the hills to the west. Storefronts and houses were decorated, ranging from minimalist to gaudy and every level in between. Ponies hurried about buying last minute presents for loved ones. A group of carolers moved from house to house spreading holiday cheer, their joyful melody of peace and harmony heard throughout the neighborhood.
Applejack and Fluttershy weaved through the crowds, hurrying to Twilight’s castle. Still their progress was slowed considerably.
“Applejack! Fluttershy!”
The two ponies turned to see Rarity trotting up to them. She wore a fashionable hat with matching boots. A beautiful silk scarf wrapped around her neck.
“Rarity! What are you doing?” asked Applejack.
“The same as you I imagine. It seems the three of us are going on a mission.”
“It must be something important if it requires three of us,” said Fluttershy.
“Yeah. It only normally only takes two of us. Me and Fluttershy here were thinkin’ we might be headed back to Las Pegasus again.”
“Las Pegasus! Darling, Manehattan would be the place to go for Hearth’s Warming. Still though,” she glanced over her shoulder, “I was spending time at my parent’s house. Sweetie Belle will be so disappointed that I won’t be home for the holidays.”
“Well, maybe if we hurry, we can fix the friendship problem and get back before tomorrow,” suggested Fluttershy.
“Well that there’s a great idea. Let’s hoof it to Twilight’s.” Applejack took the lead as three ponies weaved through the crowds. After a few minutes, they passed through the thickest part of the crowds. They continued down the avenue towards the castle in the distance. But from a cross street came a bouncing pink pony.
“Hiya!”
“Pinkie Pie!?” said Applejack.
“Oh course! Who else do I look like silly?”
“Are you headed to Twilight’s castle too?” asked Fluttershy.
“Yep!”
“But darling, your cutie mark isn’t flashing.”
“Nope. Pinkie Sense.” Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy exchanged worried glances. “And whatever it is, it’s a doozy!” The concern on the three other mares’ faces grew.
“We’d better hurry over then,” said Rarity.
The four ponies hastened through town. Applejack would have preferred to go faster. But Fluttershy wouldn’t keep up, and Rarity didn’t like to get sweaty. All the while, Pinkie Pie continued happily bouncing along with the rest of the group.
As they neared the castle, a tremendous boom broke the quiet, shaking snow off branches and leaving the ground trembling. The three looked up to see a large rainbow streak overhead. At the van was a cyan pegasus. She flashed across the sky and flew through the front door of the castle. The four ponies hurried down the path, up the stairs, and through the magnificent entrance hall. Taking a right, they arrived at the Map Room to find Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Spike sitting around the table.
“Applejack? Fluttershy? Rarity? Pinkie Pie? Were you called as well?” asked Twilight.
Applejack began “Eeyup –”
“Nnope!” interrupted Pinkie Pie.
Twilight and Rainbow Dash exchanged confused looks.
“So where are we going darling?” asked Rarity.
“That’s just it. I don’t know.”
“What gives Twilight?” asked a frustrated Rainbow Dash as she crossed her forelegs.
“Well, we’ve been called here....” She looked over at Pinkie Pie. “...Most of us have been called here. But the map doesn’t show where we are to go.”
“Could there be something wrong with the map again?” asked Fluttershy.
“I don’t –”
A clatter could be heard coming from an adjoining room. The six ponies and dragon hurried into the next room but found – nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“I don’t like this,” said Fluttershy.
Then soot began trickling down into the fireplace, until a torrent of black ash fell from the chimney, creating a dark cloud that filled the room. Everyone coughed and gagged until the soot dissipated. They looked over to see Discord sitting in the fireplace. He wore a red coat trimmed in white and a matching stocking cap.
“Merry Christmas everypony!” he said, before turning back to the fireplace.
“Merry Christmas Discord!” replied a cheerful Pinkie Pie.
Rarity leaned over to Pinkie Pie, and in a hushed voice asked, “What’s Christmas?”
“I have no idea!”
Discord was trying to pull something from the chimney, but it was stuck. He pulled harder and harder, but it wouldn’t budge. He put a foot on the side of the fireplace for leverage, then another. Finally with a strong yank it came out, sending Discord flying backwards, knocking over Twilight and Rarity.
“Discord get off me!” demanded Rarity.
Discord flashed away and in an instant stood among the ponies. He carried a big red bag over his shoulder. “Greetings everypony! I’m glad you responded to my invitation!”
“Your invitation?” Twilight looked confused. “What invit – you’re behind our friendship mission!?”
“Yes, just a little simple magic to cause them to flash and bring you all here. Except for Pinkie Pie. She has a strong connection to chaos magic that I should investigate –”
“Discord, why did ya bring us here?” asked Applejack.
“Oh, isn’t it obvious?”
“Uh – no?”
“Why to spread some holiday cheer of course. You all will be celebrating Hearth’s Warming with your families tomorrow, so I thought I'd come and give you my presents today!”
Everyone exchanged glances. They ranged from Twilight's Presents from Discord? This can’t end well to Rainbow Dash’s This better be good. I just flew all the way from Cloudsdale. Though that’s not hard for a star athlete like myself! to Rarity’s This better not ruin my mane. I already have to restyle it because of Discord to Applejack’s Let’s get this mess over with to Fluttershy’s Please give him a chance. I don’t think they will be bad – I hope to Pinkie Pie and Spike’s Ooo – presents!
Discord reached into his bag and brought out a large wrapped gift. The white wrapping paper featured a repeating pattern of Discord in his red suit. Looking at the tag, he read “To Spike. From Discord.”
Spike received the gift, and with a hesitant nod from Twilight began furiously ripping away at the paper. After a moment of paper flying in every direction, he looked down. “Oh cool!” exclaimed Spike.
“What did you get?” asked Twilight.
“Board games,” replied Spike.
“Just a little something for the next guy’s night,” said Discord.
“I got Battleship, Monopoly – Ponyville Edition, and Risk – Equestria Edition. I can’t wait to start playing!”
“What do you say Spike?” prodded Twilight.
The dragon looked at Twilight, then to Discord. “Thanks Discord.”
“You’re welcome. Now, who’s next?” He reached into the bag and pulled out a black jewel box. “To Rarity. From Discord.”
Handing the box to Rarity, she opened it to reveal a very large green gem. “An emerald!” cried Rarity.
“A chaos emerald,” corrected Discord.
“I’ve never heard of a chaos emerald before,” said Twilight.
“Well, it must be important. I found a blue hedgehog, a black hedgehog, a red echidna, a weird looking white bat, some sort of red squirrel, and a pink hedgehog wielding a large hammer fighting over it.”
“Oh my!” exclaimed Fluttershy.
“Oh yes, I took a large swing to the head.” He removed his hat to reveal a large lump protruding from his crown.
“Thank you Discord. I’ll have it fitted and wear it as part of an ensemble.”
“Now, Pinkie Pie, you were the easiest to shop for. I got you this.” He handed her a piece of candy.
“Ooo!” she said before shoving it inter her mouth. “Itsh goo” she tried to say.
“Yes, it is an Everlasting Gobstopper. No matter how long you suck on it, it’ll never lose its flavor or get any smaller.”
“Ro-kay!” replied a happy Pinkie Pie.
Discord reached into his bag and drew forth a small package with a red bow. “For Twilight.”
Using her magic to pick up the package, she carefully unwrapped it. Why waste perfectly good wrapping paper that could be used next year? She found a small book. “A book!? Discord how did you know?”
“Oh, I had a hunch.”
“The Book of Sand? Ooo – I’ll read it cover to cover.”
“I’m sure you will,” said Discord with a wry smile. “Now then, for my dear friend Fluttershy – this.” He handed her a small jewelry box. Opening it, she found a necklace with a small pendant.
“It's a beautiful necklace.”
“Oh, but that’s not all. That’s no ordinary necklace. Your special talent may be to communicate with animals, but that can only take you so far in understanding them. Touch the pendant and you will turn into whatever animal you want.”
“Thank you Discord.” She flew up and gave him a big hug.
“You’re very welcome. Now then, who next?” Just then, the bag began to bounce around. “Oh, it seems like it’s time to give Rainbow Dash her gift.” Reaching into the bag, he pulled out –
“Daring Do!” exclaimed everyone.
“Mmph mnrmpm rmmum,” said a gagged Daring Do.
“Discord!” cried Fluttershy.
“You kidnapped Daring Do!?” shouted Twilight.
“What the hay is wrong with you Discord!?” yelled Rainbow Dash as she began to loosen the bonds around the treasure-hunter’s legs.
“I did no such thing. I found her tied up in one of Ahuizotl’s overly-complicated easily-escapable traps. Then I – uh!”
Daring Do had thrown a punch into his gut. Ripping off her gag, she said, “Those traps aren’t easily escapable. I was working on an escape plan when this lunatic threw me into his bag. I was in the Lost Temple of Escher tracking down an artifact of extreme magical power. I’ve got to go stop Ahuizotl before he finds it and unleashes its power upon Equestria!” She flew towards the door when she slammed into a magical force field bubble. “You let me go right now!”
Discord was looking in his bag. “Oh, it seems as though I have another present in here.” He pulled it from the bag and tossed it to Daring Do.
Catching it, she looked down at the black box, covered with inscriptions. Looking up at Discord, she asked, “How? When?”
“Oh please, I’m the Lord of Chaos and Pandora’s Box is an immense piece of magical chaos. I could have found it in my sleep with three arms tied behind my back!”
“Well, uh, thank you Discord.”
“Think nothing of it. Now that your latest quest is over, I’m sure you can spend the holidays with your biggest fan?”
Daring looked over to Rainbow Dash, whose eyes shined and a wide smile stretched across her face. “I suppose I could spend a few hours –”
Rainbow Dash gave Daring Do a large hug. Dash looked up to Discord, her expression giving him all the thanks he needed.
“Now then, last but not least Applejack. Might I say that you were the hardest pony to shop for. With the others I could easily get them their gifts in this dimension or another, but for you...” he said, reaching into his bag. “For you, I had to travel time itself.” He handed her a small package.
Applejack took the gift and began to unwrap it. She revealed a small picture frame. Inside was a picture of a group of ponies standing around a mare on a bed. She looked up at Discord, who only smiled. She looked down and stared at the photo. Slowly she began to understand – the small red colt with an orange mane, an elderly green mare with a neckerchief, a strong stallion with a Stetson hat, and a loving mother cradling a newborn foal. “Discord.” She choked. “Discord is this?”
“Your birthday,” he simply replied.
Applejack looked down at the photo. Her family. Her parents. All together. Drops of water began to fall on the glass until Applejack realized they were tears. Fighting a losing battle to hold them back, “Thank you,” was all she could say.
“You’re welcome.”
“Discord?” said Fluttershy.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry we didn’t get you anything for Hearth’s Warming.”
Discord looked around him. Everyone was happy, even Daring Do. “Oh but you have. Your friendship is the greatest gift you all could give me.”
Twilight gave an approving smile.
“Well, I must be off before this becomes another predictable and sappy Christmas special.”
“So soon?” asked Twilight.
“Oh yes, I must go to Canterlot to visit Kay-Kay. I can’t wait to see the look on Celestia’s face when I deliver her gift – Queen Chysalis’s head on a silver platter.” Everypony stopped and stared in horror at Discord. “You thought I was serious?” he asked with a chuckle. “When I tell her that it will make the chewing gum I got her seem like a great present!”
“Discord, you can’t give Princess Celestia chewing gum!” said Twilight.
“But it’s Double Mint Gum! ♪ Double your pleasure with Double Mint Gum! ♫”
“Discord!”
“Really, what do you get the ruler of Equestria?” He paused for a moment. “I know, I’ll get her a Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness.”
“Mmmm,” said Pinkie Pie around her Everlasting Gobstopper.
“Yes, it is mmm-mmm good. I’ll have to whip one up in the next five minutes. I’d better get going.” He lifted his paw and waved to everyone. “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” With that he grabbed his bag and flew up the chimney and out of sight.
Author's Note
Happy Holidays!
I'm currently in a place that doesn't celebrate Christmas. So no decorating or singing Christmas carols.
And Hell would sooner get snow than my location. So no building snowmen.
And I can't enjoy eggnog or Christmas cookies.
But I wanted to do something holiday related. I conceived this story and it came to me almost fully-formed, so it only took three hours to write. Not bad considering some of my other work has taken far longer for similar lengths. I hope you enjoyed it!
This is the first of a trio of stories I'm publishing over the coming week. Tomorrow look out for Big Mac Speaks His Mind. And the third story I'm planning on publishing on Friday.
In case you were wondering, chaos emeralds come from Sonic the Hedgehog, everlasting gobstoppers come from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and The Book of Sand comes from The Book of Sand.
The original ending was slightly different. I didn't think the political jokes fit, so I removed them. But if you want to read it, see below. You have been warned.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch the greatest Christmas movie ever...
DIE HARD!!!
Keep Writing,
Dreadnought
~~~
“Yes Pinkie Pie, a Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness is mmm-mmm good. I’ll have to whip one up in the next five minutes. I’d better get going. First to Canterlot. Then to litter red states with Clinton 2020 signs and blue states with Trump 2020 bumper stickers.” He lifted his paw and waved to everyone. “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!” With that he grabbed his bag and flew up the chimney and out of sight.
