Gently, did the warm rays of the sun land softly on the ground below. The ponies of Ponyville enjoyed the pleasant weather as they went along leisurely, with their morning affairs. Apples from an applecart were being sold by an enthusiastic filly with a cute bow in her mane. A newlywed couple moving into the town were chatting back and forth over a salad in an outdoor café. A mint green mare plucked at her lyre by the fountain, the clattering of hooves in the traffic of the streets did nothing to muffle the cheerful ambiance she filled the air with. However, all was not business as usual in the little town for, for six friends, they were to have a revelation of a lifetime.
In the town center was a treehouse, or rather a tree that was a house, which served both as a public library as well as home to Twilight Sparkle. She was gathered with the rest of her friends in front common area, where the wooden walls were lined with bookshelves in all direction. The closed sign hung diligently on the glass window by the door.
All her friends stood in a circle facing one another, waiting patiently as Twilight returned from the front doors to join them. Rainbow Dash looked anxiously beside her to Fluttershy who in turn gave a small, warm smile; though it may not have seemed like much, that small boost of confidence might have been an entire hoofball field of adoring fans, or even five Scootaloos.
Applejack looked to the side to make sure Twilight was with the rest of the Element of Harmony, before she started, “Alright, now that Twi’s here, why don’t you tell us what’s going on, Rainbow Dash.”
Pinkie had jumped up in place with excitement, “Yeah, what’s with all the waiting?” she asked, before she gasped, “Wait a second, is this a surprise party?” She leaped out to tackle the pegasus friend, “Oh, Rainbow Dash, you shouldn’t have.”
Rainbow Dash, to her credit, rolled with the full-frontal assault, and took to the air meet Pinkie halfway. With a little bit of hoofwork, she caught, spun, and dropped Pinkie gently on ground.
“No, Pinkie, it’s not a party. It’s something bigger,” said Rainbow Dash.
“A fiesta?”
“No.”
“A soiree?”
“No”
“A gala?”
“No, no, no Pinkie. It’s just an announcement”
“You finally got accepted into the Wonderbolts?”
Rainbow Dash grinned lazily, “Hah, I wish it was.” She landed back in her spot and for a second in time stared off, before she looked jolted and turned back over to Fluttershy apprehensively. Fluttershy looked unoffended and giggled, before it was Rainbow Dash’s turn to force an awkward chuckle.
“Now, Rainbow Dash,” Rarity motioned a hoof to the pegasus, “If we’re done guessing in the dark, perhaps you might be able to enlighten us about the nature of this big announcement you were going to make.”
“Well, it’s not just my announcement to make,” Rainbow Dash gave Fluttershy the center of the conversation. She took a deep breath, and kicked her hoof softly along the wooden grains of the floor.
“Um, girls,” She started before taking a deep breath, “ the thing is, is that, me and Rainbow Dash, well, we’re, umm, we’re… kinda going out.”
Her friends all shared a confused look and shrugged at each other. The pressure mounted in Rainbow before she leaped in front of Fluttershy. She closed her eyes and blurted out, “Me, and Fluttershy are dating okay!?”
The silence that followed was palpable.
Rainbow Dash’s breath was unsteady. Then Fluttershy sniffled, the turquoise mare looked over to see that she was already tearing up and stared down the floor, scared and abashed. She quickly scanned over her friends faces for help. Luckily, she had some of the- no, the best friends in Equestria.
“Yes!” Pinkie shouted, her body hopping up and freezing in mid-air as she pumped her hoof.
“Dang,” Applejack muttered, fiddling around behind her back before pulling a small bag of bits out of seemingly nowhere.
Rainbow blinked at the reaction, but soon found herself even more surprised as she noticed Rarity doing the same thing with her nostrils flared.
“I knew it too...” The purple maned mare cursed before both her and Applejack placed the small sacks of bits into the still frozen hoof of Pinkie.
The tense situation that had made Fluttershy tear up had now seemingly died, been buried, and had a dance party on the tombstone.
Fluttershy looked over to Applejack, blinking away tears as the country mare crossed her hooves.
“Shoulda listened to Mac,” she mumbled, but then smiled, “but I am happy for you girls.”
Finally all eyes turned to Twilight, who had been quiet the entire time.
She had furrowed her brow and left her mouth half opened as she bored into Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash with analytic eyes. Everyponies happy demeanor vanished as Twilight’s attitude took the room hostage. It took a couple seconds, though it felt like hours, before anypony dared to move. But Rarity forced a cough in her hoof which seemed to jump start the purple mare's brain again.
Twilight motioned her hoof in a circle, “Alright, so…”
There was a slight pause, before Applejack jerk her head to the side to glance at the bemused unicorn, “So?”
“So, who are you two dating?”
“…”
“Erhmm,” Rarity started, “Twilight, they are dating each other.”
Twilight looked over innocently at Rarity, chuckling a bit as if what she said had been a bad joke, and then back at Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash was standing a bit taller and defensively, her jaw clenched, bracing to defend the poor mare mare behind her who had the posture of a wet rag.
Being stared down like she was an alien had agitated her to no end. This wasn’t like how colts used to tease her in class, or how Trixie had mocked her when she visited, because it wasn’t her pride on the line, but the-
“Really? I don't get how that's possible?”
Applejack leaned her head forward, “Excuse me?”
“I… don’t get it,” Twilight, to her credit, looked sincerely lost. She looked around to her friends for any visual clues for help only to have a similar look returned at her, though for very different reasons
Rarity took a step closer to Twilight, “Maybe a bit slower would work. Twilight-”
Twilight nodded.
“-Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash-”
Twilight nodded again.
“-are DATING-”
Another nod.
“-each other.”
The purple mare paused as her eyes continued to bare down on Rarity in confusion before she shook her head.
“What’s your deal Twilight!?” Rainbow Dash snapped defensively.
Fluttershy lightly tapped her marefriend on the shoulder, “Umm, Dash, I d-“ though her words were drowned out by returning exasperation.
“What’s your deal!?” Twilight asked honestly.
“WHAT!?”
“Uh, girls?”
Twilight turned and left the group, to pace back and forth by the front of the room, before she turned back and sat back on her haunches. The other girls on their part looked with varying levels of disapproval at their friends behavior.
Twilight threw her forehooves, “I don’t understand!”
“Now listen here Twi, ya’ll can’t-” Applejack said, before she was cut off.
“GIRLS!”
Everypony’s glares were dropped, and turned to Fluttershy. She braced herself against all the sudden attention, before she released a deep breath.
“I think Twilight doesn’t actually understand.”
“Wait, what? Really? Like she doesn’t get that you two are fillyfoolers?” Applejack asked absent mindedly.
Rarity cough, before raising a hoof at Applejack, “Um, Applejack, the term, “fillyfooler-”
Applejack blushed, “App, yup, sorry bout that.”
Rainbow Dash nodded, “Don’t worry about it.”
"No, I mean I don't think she actually understands what it is.” Fluttershy said silently, turning all gazes back Twilight as a pink mare slowly began to come down from her gravity defying hoof pump that had seemingly been ignored for the duration of the conversation.
“Wait, so you really don’t get it?” Pinkie asked.
Twilight sighed, rubbing her temples. “Not at all.”
Pinkie smiled at her friends before wrapping hoof around Twilight, “Don’t worry then, Twi, cause your Aunt Pinkie will tell you all about the woodpeckers and the hornets.”
“I’m older than you,” Twilight deadpanned.
“So when a mommy and a daddy-”
Thirty minutes later…
“And that’s how Equestria was made. Now you understand why sometimes ponies have two mommies?”
Everypony was wearing a blush in the room, except Twilight now. The poor, confused unicorn was staring at the ground. She raised her head, and as she did so had everypony else. She took a deep breath and so did everypony else. And then,
“Could you go over that one more time Pinkie, but this time, could you go slower? I think I missed some things.”
There was a collective sigh.
“Okie dokie, Twi, so every mare has that time when they have a special itch- “
*WHAM*
The door to the library slammed open, but, for everypony in there, it might as well have been a bomb.
Everypony snapped their neck to see Spike turning to close the door, “Hi guys.”
Twilight was first to recover from the shock, “Hi Spike, Pinkie was just telling me-“
Applejack jumped forward, “Nothin’ Spike! Nothing a dragon your age needs to know!”
“Yes, the important thing,” Rarity pronounced, “is that Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are dating”
Spike looked over at the still blushing pegasi and gave them a casual thumbs-up, “Oh, cool beans. So what’s up with Twilight?”
Fluttershy smiled apologetically, “Sorry, Spike, but Twilight’s having issues understanding our relationship.”
“What’s there to understand?” Rainbow Dash threw up her arms, “I like Flutters and she likes me.”
Twilight remained still, lost in thought before she deflated and shook her head, “I just don’t get it.”
Spike saw it was troubling everyone else, so he decided to step up to bat, “Alright, Twilight,” at the change in tone, Twilight gave her undivided attention to the small dragon, “you know Fluttershy is a girl.” Twilight nodded. “and she likes Rainbow Dash.” Twilight nodded again, the determined look never straining as she as she puffed her cheeks. “But, Fluttershy likes Rainbow Dash like a stallion.”
“Wait, so Fluttershy is a stallion?”
“No, she likes Rainbow Dash like a mare likes a stallion."
“But Rainbow Dash isn’t a stallion.”
Spike paused to cast a cheeky glance over to Rainbow, who returned it with eyes of pure hell-fire.
Spike cough for a second before recovering, “We know.”
“And Fluttershy knows that too… right?”
A nod from a blushing Fluttershy confirmed her suspicion.
“So how can she like Rainbow Dash like a stallion.”
Spike shrugged, “She just does.”
“But how?”
Rainbow dash gave an irritated groan “Argh! Like this!”
The crazed pegasus threw her hooves up and around onto the shoulders of her marefriend, seizing her and pulling her close as she pressed her lips against Fluttershy’s. The timid mare herself was caught completely by surprise, but even her shy nature couldn't help but soon lean in to the pegasi's embrace.
After a moment passed they split apart, a toothy grin crossing Rainbow's mouth as she gazed straight into the tender eyes of the beautiful yellow mare. The serene, magical moment of true love might've even fed Chrysalis for years.
“Spike,” All eyes turned towards the purple unicorn. She stood straight and confidently, and a glimmer of hope shined in her friends. “I’m going to need a chalkboard, some spreadsheets, and a graphing calculator.”
A groan echoed across the room. Twilight’s eyes narrowed on the pegasi.
“I am getting to the bottom of this.”
One hour later…
Chalk glided easily across the blackboard as lines were drawn to names. It glowed in a deep purple magic scribbling out more diagrams and equations littered across half the chalk board.
“Okay so, here Rainbow is labeled “the gaaaaaaay”, alright?” Twilight looked over to Rarity for approval. The fashionista cringed, but nodded nevertheless.
“And Fluttershy is… "gaaaaaay"… then…”
Twilight looked out in space, “Then, are we gay too?”
With a deep sigh, Rarity trotted away and off to a corner of the room that held both Applejack and Pinkie. The former was waiting for her with a look of solemn acceptance and a bit of cockiness with her hoof held out. With a defeated sigh, Rarity brought her hoof up and slapped it down onto Applejack’s.
With the apple farmer tagged in, Rarity took a break and slumped down onto her haunches. Pinkie and Spike had given up and were playing checkers nearby, Rainbow Dash was perched on a bookshelf idly swinging her hoof back and forth in the air.
Only Fluttershy had the patience to be beside Twilight this entire hour.
Applejack walked over to the chalk board the two were gathered at and let out a deep sigh before speaking, “Now, Twi, I ain’t going to go into fancy shmacy terms, but a special somepony don’t have to be stallion or a mare. It can be either.”
“But then,” Twilight stopped fiddling with the chalk and looked at Applejack, “how do they have babies?”
Applejack slammed a hoof on her face and Pinkie looked over from her game, “Do we need to do the story again?”
Pinkie began to get up.
A quick and loud “No” from everypony but Twilight immediately sounded throughout the library.
Pinkie sat back down.
Fluttershy tapped twilight on the shoulder, “The point isn’t to have children, but to love and be loved.”
“But,” Twilight pointed a hoof up, “then wouldn’t your gene pool be severed? You would have nooffspring to attest to about your continuation of your genes. Your life would have been a biological waste.”
“This is a choice of love over duty, darling,” Rarity spoke up on her approach of the board, "One must make sacrifices for love, for love is the greatest duty a pony can have.”
“Yes, but if we use Lecture Theory’s essays” Twilight grabbed a piece of chalk into her telekinesis and wrote along on the chalkboard, “for a basis in morality, the use of the categorical imperative would prove that this relationship is irrational and wholly erroneous for the consequences it convey upon the ponies of Equestria’s nonexistent generation. The irrepressible fallout of the actions of the acceptance of such blatant nature oriented abnormality is to lose touch with the binding laws of nature that compel us forward to avoid extinction. To undo the natural evolution and adherence to our self-preservation of a species or perhaps of all species would be to throw one's self off the cliff for the accordance to fulfill one's wishes would be the folly of sapience. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack looked completely lost.
Pinkie only let out a sigh as she moved one of the checkers forward, causing Spike to sweat bullets. Rarity could only stand there to process what Twilight just said piece by piece. She exhaled before her eyes wandered the room.
She started to give a slight bob to her head as she started to move her lips without saying anything. After she had thought it through, she looked back at Twilight with uneasy smile, “Well, Twilight, you should know that while there is no glaring holes in your logic, Lecture Theory was known to be an…well, an asshole in many circles of academia.”
Twilight rubbed a hoof on her chin, regarding Rarity’s words carefully. She took a deep breath before she softly hummed out, “You're not wroooonnnng.”
She took an eraser and swiped away her theories, before she went back to her staring contest with the black board. After another second she sighed, “Alright girls, I’m going to take a break and make some sandwiches, anypony else want one?”
“Oh, don’t worry about us darling, we’re-“
“Ah’ll take one.”
“Me too, Twi.”
“Ooh, me three.”
“Mind as well, since we’re going to be here forever.”
“Only if it’s not too much trouble, Twilight.”
Rarity shot one long glare at the oblivious crowd of traitors. She harrumphed to her side before a growl from her stomach broke her pouting. Twilight’s smile didn’t change as she stood awaiting Rarity’s order. It was a small pause before she put on a guilty smile, “Well, it would be rude to reject an offer from a host.”
Twilight nodded and turned her back on the girls. After she was out of earshot, the fashionista gave a very unlady-like, gravelly moan.
Rainbow Dash stood up and flew lazily in the air, “You’re telling me? When I was scared you girls might not understand, I didn’t think it would be this bad.”
“Now Rainbow Dash, Twilight’s doing her best. It's great that she’s so willing to give our relationship a shot, and we should be happy for that,” Fluttershy rebutted.
“I know, but come on,” the athlete crossed her forehooves, “leave it an egghead like her to have so much trouble with girls liking other girls.”
Pinkie looked up from her game with Spike, “Yeah, why is Twilight having such a hard time?”
Spike didn’t even meet Pinkie’s gaze, instead picking up his piece and scratching his chin with it, “Eh, it’s an social and emotional thing, so she really can’t measure it and put it through a scanner. It's just one of those things she can't grasp well. They’re like oil and water. You should have seen her when she found out her mom and dad were married.”
Applejack’s face fell so flat it might have slid off. She perked a brow, “You’re kidding, right?”
“She missed three days of school trying to get into grips with it.”
Fluttershy tried to give a reassuring posture with her friend, but even that looked uneasy, “Well, I guess as a filly, she migh-“
Spike finally put his piece and danced between three red pieces before scooping them all up, “Filly? No, this was three years ago”.
The long drawn out sound of a pin being from across the street was heard by no pony in the world, but these five friends.
Rainbow Dash's face was devoid of life and emotion.
“We’re going to die here.”
“Hey girls,” Twilight strode in oblivious to Rainbow’s outburst. She hovered by her a tray of veggie sandwich on silver platter, “So I was thinking, I might have a problem with this, so why not get some more help from one of the wisest ponies in all of Equestria.”
Pinkie perked up, “Princess Cadance?” Her eyes started to tear up, “Pleasseeee?”
“Well, uh, no, but somepony really close, Princess Luna. I already sent her a letter and she said she’d be over here soon.”
Rainbow Dash inhaled for a good five seconds. Pinkie, though her face and body was very still, fell over to the side like a doll. And then, “AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”
“AHHHHHHHHHH!”
“WEIIIIIIIIIIGGGHNGHGHGHG!”
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
“Ahhhhhhhhhhh”
Twilight was panicked by all her friends’ outburst and soon by some mysterious force was compelled to join them.
“Uhhhhhhhhhhh…”
Three Minutes Later...
A magical flash broke out in the middle of the Ponyville library. “Greetings Twilight Sparkle and friends,” Princess Luna announced with old world zeal, “we have arrived solve thy friendship problem.”
Despite the indifferent tone of her announcement, Luna was cheering like a filly on the inside to finally be talk freely with somepony other than her sister, and to help a friend with a friendship problem no less.
When the Princess of the Night opened her eyes, she saw the very exhausted elements of harmony wheezing to catch their breaths. Most of them were wide eyed and stiff. Contrast to the messy state of the upturned table, scattered sandwiches and even broken windows, Spike was enjoying his time on a comfy chair reading a comic.
The Princess gave a wary look to the ragged ponies as she spoke, “Have I missed something?”
Spike put down his book, "Hi Luna."
"Hello Spike, we were informed there was a problem of which that required my assistance."
Rarity was the first to pick herself up and put on a hasty, unconvincing smile, "Oh, my apologies Princess, but we were just trying to explain something to Twilight. It's very simple, so you don't have to be here for this."
"Nonsense Rarity, for is it not right that we help our friend regardless of the scope of its significance?"
Applejack corrected her crooked hat, as she stood up, "Nah, it's okay Princess. We have this all under control."
Luna's unamused look cowed the cowgirl, "Applejack, Rarity, thy kindness is appreciated, but we would prefer to pitch into this effort. Now if thou would kindly explain the circumstances."
Rainbow Dash gave an exhausted sigh, "Me and Fluttershy are dating."
"Ah, surprising, yet not unacceptable," Luna said, cocking an eyebrow.
There was a small glimmer of hope in Rainbow Dash's eyes
"However," And then it was dashed away, "We were under the impression that polygamy has fallen out of fashion. Who is the lucky stallion?"
One hour later...
"Then how dust thou produce children without the use of a stallion to marry with? Rainbow Dash may look like a handsome young stallion, but We would understand that he is a she, unless Rainbow Dash has not been honest with us."
"You know what? I am sick of this! I'll prove it to you guys, I am girl!"
Pinkie smiled, "Wow, it's just like my Japonies animes!"
"Spike, could you go play outside, sugarcube?"
Later...
"But in any mature relationship, you can't have two virgins. You can't possibly take virginity without the use of a stallion."
"Rainbow Dash, what's a virgin?"
"What are you even doing here, Scootaloo? Get out!"
Two hours later...
"Alright, so, I took the liberty of asking Princess Celestia about our "gay" problem" Twilight said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully as she double-checked her graphs with one hoof and held a letter in the other.
Rarity facehoofed, "Twilight never phrase it like that ever."
"Oh, don't worry-" Twilight said, holding up the letter, "-she returned with a letter saying this:"
"I leave the predicament of those two in your care to solve this. I'm sure with everypony's best judgement you will be able to solve this, but I'm sure it's ultimately up to Twilight and Lulu to conclude this business." Twilight finished as the room faded to silence.
"This is most peculiar, for my sister regularly starts her letters with a greeting," Princess Luna commented.
"I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, we're going have to solve your "gayness", even if I'm not sure how to solve it, but as long as we work together as friends everything will work out fine. I'll get the electroshock therapy chairs from the basement," Twilight said, tossing the letter over her shoulder.
"I'm literally going to kill you, egghead."
So much later...
Sunset has begun to peek out through the window sill as Twilight talks on. She directed Luna's attention to the board with a wooden pointer scrolling across the chalkboard. Luna sat up straight listening intently as the bar graphs started to level by themselves, while Rarity and Applejack simply propped themselves up on locked hooves.
Rainbow Dash had taken to attempted to bust the door down with Pinkie whilst using a battering ram while Fluttershy cringed with every charge.
“Rainbow...I-I think it's a pull door...” She said quietly, only to be drowned out by the banging.
So very much later...
Rainbow Dash was lying on her back, eye closed, though she couldn't get any rest with Twilight's constant droning on about science, while Fluttershy lay beside burying most of a rainbow mane into her chest.
"So with these graphs, which makes up an interesting development in the harmony of a relationship system, it creates a unique make-up of chemistry between-."
And then she broke. Rolling out from between Fluttershy's hooves, Rainbow Dash jumped onto her hooves and quickly took to the air, "You know what I give up."
From her spot, Fluttershy didn't even move, "Rainbow Dash, please."
"Nope," She crossed her hooves, "I am not sitting here for anymore of this."
"But Rainbow Dash, what about Twilight?"
"Twilight, we still cool?"
Twilight looked shocked, stammering around before looking back to the pegasus, "Umm, I'm not sure, but I think so."
"Cool, Princess, we still on good terms?"
Luna simply cocked an eyebrow, "Was that ever in question?"
"Right," Rainbow Dash facehoofed, "I'm out of here. Let's go home, Fluttershy."
"Well, I guess in a way everything important has been settled," Rarity conceded. She made a wary glance at her friends, before making her retreat to the door.
Applejack stifled a yawn before looking back to Twilight, "Yeah, I'm just gonna leave." The two grouped up with the pegasi at the doorway.
Twilight pouted, "Dang it, and I really want to get to the bottom of this and start experimenting"
"I too, wish to dwell on the matter further with you. I shall remain here and assist you with anything you may need."
Twilight blushed furiously, "Anything?"
Luna's gave Twilight with bedroom eyes.
"Anything," she whispered back.
"Alright, let's go Pinkie!" Rainbow Dash called out oblivious to the building atmosphere. When no reply returned, she turned sharp eye around the room, but to her surprise the party pony was nowhere to be found. "Uggghh, that sneak!"
With one last glance she turned back to Luna and Twilight who were watching this unfold very secondhandedly. When she waved goodbye, the two reciprocated slowly, before the slamming of the front door.
Fifteen seconds later...
Rarity shuffled one hoof in front of the other, completely exhausted from her ordeal earlier. Nothing could bring the life in her now, except the prospects of perhaps making a new dress, but that requires a lively muse and her mind was drained of inspiration.
No, she needed something more passive like a horribly sappy romance. She grinned to herself, her eyes opening much more. Another gentleman-pirate saving a down on her luck princess. Oh it may be cliche, but she just reveled in trash romance. Nothing made her feel so alive.
Then it hit her.
Luna. Twilight. Experimenting. That blush.
She gasped for air as she pulled to a dead stop, tearing a glance back at the treehouse as her eyes narrowed. She whispered softly to herself, "Nooooo. Impossible."
She tiptoed back to the library pausing just as she got to the door. She braced herself, naughty thoughts of the Princess of the Moon and Twilight racing through her, before she barged through the entrance. As dramatic an entrance it was meant to be, it fell rather short as Rarity's hooves tripped over themselves, sending her sprawling onto the floor.
As she lifted herself up, her mouth hit the floor as she saw Princess Luna brushing her chest up against the the dense scientist, their tongues intertwined with each other's. After a moment being lost in their kiss, Twilight's eye fluttered open, connecting with Rarity's before going wide as saucers. Thanks to Twilight's sudden flailing, they quickly pulled away from each other and looked at Rarity like deer in headlights. They all hung in silence in a daze.
Honestly, the fashionista almost felt numb all over.
Almost.
Twilight cleared her throat quickly before deadpanning,
"It's complicated."
Author's Note
I think this is ~~stolen from~~ inspired by "Mares in Pairs", by Trick Question who took his story down for reasons.
