Discord was lonely, and he thought he knew the reason why that was exactly.
He was an immortal being, and while it is and was a great gift, it is also a terrible curse to bear as well, and being alone for all that time that you’re alive, it eventually starts to wear down on you, and even for a being of immense power of chaos, he still wanted someone to share his power, strength, and knowledge with, someone that he could love, and someone to love him too.
But he didn’t know why he was feeling lonely now after being alive for so many long years, but perhaps there was no reason, logic, or explanation to this.
After all, he was the lord and master of chaos, and he didn’t like to make any kind of sense, reason, or logic, and isn’t love the thing that makes the least sense of all? Why marry for love when you can be rich and famous instead?
Doesn’t it defy all logic and reason as to why you would die for someone else that wasn’t you? For the strongest human instinct is for survival, and when you risk your life for another, that truly is the greatest sacrifice of all that you can give. And perhaps just maybe that is the way that it should always be.
But that is not the real point of this story instead, this story is instead about something else completely different instead. It is about chaos instead.
Anyhow Discord might have been lonely, but he knew that he definitely wasn’t ready to marry some pony else, or rather someone else. But perhaps maybe he should try his hand at love and dating first. But who to date first? There were so many choices, but perhaps he should leave that up to his chaos wheel.
So he pulled out his chaos wheel (of Chaos!) and spun it around wondering what pony it would land on.
And in case you’re wondering how a chaos wheel worked, let me explain, it didn’t matter how much or how hard you spun it, it would always land on something different, and even if you calculated where it would end, there was still the chance that it would go on longer or shorter.
The wheel spun around and it eventually landed on the Princess Celestia.
“Well that’s just my luck,” he said to himself, “The king of chaos with the princess of order and light, oh what a joyous day indeed.”
And with that said Discord packed up a few things in his suitcase.
He wondered if he should take the picture of John de Lancie with him and then he decided to take one, after all, why not have a little fun breaking the fourth wall? Then he turned to the screen which you’re currently reading and then spoke, “Well hello there, audience, I didn’t see you there at first, sorry for not talking to you or noticing you earlier, I was very busy in thought.
Anyhow I really hope that you enjoy this story, I know that I won’t.
And how do I know that? Well let’s just say that I always have my script on hand, or rather hoof,” he said holding the pages of Chaos Theory up.
“I just wish that I could give the author a piece of my mind,” he growled with anger and hate with his fury and wrath coming through his very eyes.
“But I am being paid for this,” he said, “In chocolate milk, cotton candy clouds, and finally cookies! That’s right kids, come and join the dark side, we have cookies!” and with that said he held up a meme to the front page/ cover that the readers of this story were currently reading and then he laughed.
“Well anyhow I better go to the castle and make ‘love’ to Celestia, the script says that I should,” but then he looked down at it and then back up at the audience and smiled, “But just between you and me I have no intentions of following any of the ‘love’ parts of this story, sure he’s included some fun for me and leaves room for my chaotic spirit, and it has a new different surprise ending from that which is ordinary or ordinary and it won’t be cliché either.”
And then he smiled and chuckled and said, “Oops, I gave away a spoiler, sorry everyone,” and then he pulled up yet another reference, this time a You Tube Video (please don’t ask how, it’s really better if you don’t bother asking any questions at all, after all, what sense does it make to question chaos itself?).
“Ah well,” he said putting the last of his stuff into the suitcase, “I must be on my way now, wish me luck!
Well, actually on the second thought and idea, don’t, I don’t want it or need it, and don’t you even dare say to break a leg, I do that all the time,” he said detaching a leg of his off from where it once stood and was, then putting it back on he resumed peaking, “So just be quiet.”
And with that said he left and then added one more thing, “Please do.”
(He might have been a villain but he still had his manners and morals and codes, oh who was he kidding? He had no codes or morals at all!)
And then he left for the Royal Canterlot Castle and found Celestia on her throne with many royal and regal ponies waiting in line for her to sign a document or something like that, it didn’t matter what it was really, he found that politics was quite boring, although they could be stranger than any kind of fiction, fan or not, he thought bringing up a picture of Donald Trump.
No, he thought, putting the picture away, I must not get political or stray too far from the script otherwise the author will be angry at me and kill me, or at least make him suffer through endless torture and pain until the lesson that he wanted to teach was quite drilled into the subject of his godlike power and will, authors could be some of the most annoying people at times he thought.
And then he rolled his eyes at all authors in general and went on.
“Well hello there Celestia,” he said not even looking at his script, he had memorized it with a quick glance and then threw it away in some kind of place, he didn’t really know or care where it could be, but whatever dimension it was in right now he could only hope that it would soon be destroyed and gone forever, but he had no real way of knowing if that could ever be true.
“Hello there, Discord,” she said not even glancing up from the hue vast pile of paperwork that she had to do, “Do you need or want something from me?”
“Yes,” he said with a growl of anger and hate at what he had to say next, “I want, well what I want is… what I want is some company tonight over some very fine dinner and perhaps maybe even some romantic conversation.”
He gargled and spat at the taste of his own dimensional energy (basically the equal of our vomit,) after that, he could not, WOULD NOT say the word ‘date’, and it didn’t matter what the author would or could do to him, he could take it.
Meanwhile Back in The Author’s Room…
Daniel gasped as he stared at the words being written down on the pages, how dare a creation of his own imagination defy him in such a way or manner?
With anger and hate and fury and wrath in his mind and heart he started to type on the computer that lay before him, oh, he would get his revenge.
Meanwhile Back in Equestria…
“Do you mean a date?” Celestia said with some surprise in her voice as she finally glanced up from the huge vast amount of work in that pile.
“Yes, I suppose that you could call it that,” he said wincing at pain when she said the word ‘date’, and although he knew that it was coming before she said it, it still hurt when she actually spoke it out loud to him very casually.
“I have so much to do,” she said, “So I am simply afraid that I cannot entertain your thoughts, ideas, or desires, come back later when I am less busy if you wish to talk, but your idea of a dinner is still one that sounds very interesting to me, perhaps maybe you could elaborate me on some of the details later?”
“Normally I would,” he said, “But someone else is making me, forcing me to do this, to say this, I wish I could escape my fate, but I can’t sadly enough.”
“What do you mean that someone else is making you do this?” she asked.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said turning to her, then the audience, then back to her, “I forgot that you can’t see beyond the fourth wall and break it like I can do. I wish you could though, that would make you more fun certainly enough.”
“Who is making you ‘do this’?” she asked very casually.
“I know his name, but I won’t say, I can’t say, if I did that would break the fourth wall in too many mysterious unusual odd weird strange ways.”
“Oh, well okay then,” she said returning slightly to her script, “Is there anything else at all that you would wish to talk to me about?”
“Yes,” he said, “I could make all your troubles and work go away, granted it would be only for one night since I know how much you and all the other ponies like to burden yourself with your work, it’s really quite boring.”
“But do you not burden yourself with spreading chaos?” she asked.
“No, and that’s because it’s fun, and you’re no fun my princess.”
“
Then why did you request to have a date from me then?”
“I already told you that, someone else is making me do it against my own free will, well mostly anyways, some of this is my own brilliant creative genius.”
It was just right then that the author decided to strike his revenge and satisfy his anger, hate, fury and wrath. From the ceiling there came a piano that came crashing down on him, and he knew that it could have only come from the author since it had literally appeared out of nothing and from nowhere.
Then what came next was also just as ironic as the piano falling on him, next an entire bank vault came down on him, and then a bucket, then a car, then a barrel, then a barrel of bricks, and then finally a whole entire house on top.
“Oh the pain, oh the agony,” he said under the huge big vast pile on top of him, and while he was the spirit and entity of chaos he still did feel pain.
Meanwhile Back in the Author’s Room…
“HAHAHA!” Daniel shouted with joy and delight, “Success, revenge has been served, but I hope that you like it cold, straight from the freezer!”
And then he smiled and started to type the subtle clever pun.
Meanwhile Back in Equestria…
“Are you okay?” Celestia said moving over to him and looking at him with compassion and kindness and she was clearly ready and willing to help him.
“I’m fine,” he said lying, “I’m in some very serious pain, but I am just fine, I mean it could have been much worse, I could have been humiliated or rejected by my friends.” It was just right then at that moment that the timing of the prank and joke of the author came into play as a bathtub of freezing cold water was dumped on top of his head soaking his whole entire body with it.
“OH,” he said shouting up at the ceiling and screen, “YOU THINK THAT’S FUNNY, DO YOU NOW?” he asked clearly not expecting an answer or reply.
“WELL I’LL SHOW YOU FUNNY,” he said opening up a dimensional tear and rift in space and time itself and then he reached in to grab someone.
Meanwhile Back in the Author’s Room…
He smiled at the words written there, his revenge had been done, and that should teach Discord not to ever mess with the wishes or desires of the author, after all, they had godlike powers over their characters and should be treated as such, anything less than fear, love and respect was not warranted at all.
But then when the claw hand of Discord came through a dimensional rift and tear and then grabbed him and then he looked at the final words there written on the page, ah, he thought, how fitting that he should turn against me.
And with that he was pulled into the wonderful and fantastic world of Equestria, and while he had always wanted to visit the lands of one of his favorite TV Shows he did not ever expect it to be in quite this way at all.
Meanwhile Back in Equestria…
Discord pulled Daniel through the portal and then growled at him with much anger, hate, fury and wrath, and held him close to his face.
“So, Daniel,” he said looking at the author who cringed at him in fear, “You thought that you could get away with that little act of revenge, did you?
Well you were wrong,” he said, “And I have some very good plans for you.”
“WAIT!” Daniel screamed, “Just wait for one moment please, I have something very important to say, and if you don’t listen to then you’ll never know what I am about to say and I know that you can’t resist your natural curiosity,”
“Alright,” he said, “What do you have to tell me exactly?” he asked, “And you better make it good otherwise I’ll make you suffer in a whole lot of fear.”
“Well you pulled me through the fourth wall, right?” he asked nervously.
“Yes?” Discord asked very slowly emphasizing the word a whole lot.
“Well you pulled me through, and an author would never allow themselves to be pulled into another world, especially fantasy worlds, and that can only mean one thing, there is another author who is writing this at this very moment.”
And once that said the two of them turned to the screen and glanced at it, “You don’t think that...” Discord said pointing at the screen with his hoof with some confusion on his face that made it very clear on his emotions.
“Yes,” Daniel said, “And he’s the one behind all of this.”
And with that said they turned once more again to the screen.
Meanwhile in Yet Another Dimension…
“Uh oh,” Mr. Throop said, “If he comes here and then we meet my other selves in the other dimensions that could cause trouble with my other personalities.”
That was when Discord once more again broke the fourth wall again.
“Are you the author behind this?” he asked picking him up.
“Um, I don’t know,” he said, “I mean I guess so, but then again, maybe not.”
“Well there’s only one way to know for sure,” Discord said once more turning to the screen again, “Dang it,” he said, “I had hoped that this would be the real world, but I guess that it is not, well I guess that I have to get serious now.”
“What does that mean?” the authors both asked in harmony.
“Well,” Discord said putting on a pair of sunglasses and a jacket on him, “But they drew first blood, not me, and that means that I’m going to get my revenge and they better be looking out for old Discord to come busting down their door, and they and better watch out because Mr. Discord is coming to town.”
“Who- Who are you?” the authors asked with some fear in their voices.
“I’m your worst nightmare,” Discord said, and then teleported away with them once more again, and this time he finally landed in the right place.
“Hello Honey!” Discord screamed very angrily with fury and wrath and hate in his voice waving an axe back and forth in an odd swinging motion that almost seemed hypnotical if one looked at it closely enough, “I’m Back!”
The author of the author of the author of the author of the author of the… (You know what? This gag has become outdated and worn out and is so too very long and so I will skip to the end and just call him ‘The Author’ for simplicity, does that work with everybody? *No voice is raised in any kind of Objection*.
No objections? Great then, on with the very funny story now!)
The Author merely looked at Discord with a smile and then frowned very angrily and then he spoke clearly upset about something that was the matter at hand, “Do you know what you have done!” he asked shouting.
“Broken every fourth wall that there is?” Discord asked.
“Yes, and that means you’ve broken the screen too!” he said pointing at his computer and then at the audience pointing out the broken frames.
“You have literally broken reality as we know it!” he said with fury and wrath.
“Well okay, fine, whatever, but what were you smiling about earlier?”
“That?” he asked smiling once more again, “You also forgot something else, I am the author, I control you, and that means I can unmake you just as easily as I made you, now then if you don’t want to be erased from this story I would highly suggest and recommend that you behave and do as I wish, okay?”
“Yes oh great and wise master of words,” Discord said mockingly at him.
The Author sighed, “Sometimes I wonder and question what I have done with my life, and sometimes I think that I should write about a few other things.”
And with that said The Author turned around to his computer and then sat down and said, “Oh, and make sure to clean up in here, you’d better because I’m not cleaning up after a being who can travel dimensions and break the fourth wall, and I’m also not going to explain the mess to others either.”
“Well okay then,” Discord said putting his French maid costume on once more again, “But I don’t do windows, so you’d better not expect me to do them.”
“I don’t,” The Author said as Discord started cleaning up and fixing the rifts, tears, portals, and breached between all the dimensions.
Then the Author turned his computer around to the Audience and spoke.
“I most sincerely apologize for this gag that has run for too long,” he said, “And I am sorry for any delay in the story, it’s just that Discord here got off track, which Ironically enough I planned for him to do, well sort of, I didn’t really expect him to come meet me personally, but then again, you can’t expect anything from the lord and master of all chaos. Anyhow I think that it is about time that we got back to the real original story that was or is at hand.
At first I had planned it only to be a parody date, but then of course I also had to break the fourth wall, oh, and also please do ignore me and this slight breach in the fourth wall of manners, I haven’t even offered you anything that is stereotypically offered, treats, goods, snacks, drinks, and so on and so forth.
Anyhow I think that it is about time that we return to the original story at hand or hoof where Discord meets Celestia, goes on a date, but it doesn’t end or go well, mainly because he tries to ruin it and escape it from every way possible.
Oh, and also all toys, products, ponies, and characters are from Hasbro® and not owned by me, I am merely just using them as a fantasy production.
Anyhow, I think I have rambled on long enough now, on with the show and let’s get back to it!” And with that said everything was reset back to normal.
“Oh, but this is so boring,” Discord said, “I don’t like the normal.”
But then he sighed and said, “Well I am feeling rather lonely, time for a date with my least favorite Princess of mine, the one of the Sun of course.”
And with that said he went to the Royal Canterlot Castle and asked her for a date using the exact same words that he had used before previously.
Celestia reluctantly agreed and they appeared at his favorite place.
Soon enough they were dining and Discord finished up one of his fascinating and interesting ales just as they ended, “…And then I ate his liver with some nice fava beans and a nice chianti,” and then he clicked his tongue.
“Well this has been quite pleasant,” she said after it was done.
“I would say so,” Discord said pouring a whole lot of pictures unto a fire.
“What is that?” she asked very curiously.
“Oh, that’s just the fanart and fanfiction of us together,” he said adding more on the pile, “There’s some lovely and not so lovely art and stories about us.”
“Well then,” she said, “Want to do this again sometime soon?”
“Oh no,” he said, “Never again, not even the author could make me do that.”
“Well then,” she said, “I suppose this is our first, final, and last date then?”
“Yes,” he said, “And I’m glad for that.”
“Well then Discord, thanks for the meal, and should you ever want to dine again or talk to me know that I am always her for you, and your friends.”
“I know,” he said, “But before I get do you want to sing a song?”
“Why?” she asked.
“Oh no reason, at all,” he said at the screen, “None at all.”
Then he smiled cleaned up the place and then teleported Celestia to her castle.
Then he smiled as he finally got a chance to lie down, rest, and relax.
And that was when the world suddenly ended.
But that’s another story for another time.
Right now all you need to know is that he did get his rest… eventually.
And all was well in the world of Equestria.
Well all was well when the world wasn’t ending or in peril or danger that was.
