Do you ever have one of those days that just suck? Like you wake up for work and your car breaks down and you get coffee on the one good shirt you own. Yeah it was one of those days for me.
Now before we set off on our grand adventure let's get introductions out of the way. My name is Damien and I am a musician, not a very successful one mind you but a musician.
I had just gotten done with a gig in south austin and it went about as well as any of my other gigs. Which is to say not very well. I mean being booed off stage is one thing but to throw salad bowls is a whole nother ball park. Not to mention the second I leave it starts to rain.
So not a great start but of course it gets worse. The tornado alarm starts blaring as the wind starts to pick up. Now I've never been in a tornado but common sense would tell you to get the fuck back inside and hope for the best right? Well I did the exact opposite and ran to my car.
The damn thing was already in my line of sight but I thought if i could just out run it i'd be ok. Well no that's not how it works and in an instant i was dorothy trying not to piss myself as i made my way towards the heavens. Now in most cases i'd fall to my death, my mom would get the news, arrange a funeral then sell my shit a month later to pay for the funeral bills, but I guess all my shit luck today gave me a free pass and as I was falling to my doom there was a flash of light and a feeling of nothingness then instant green.
Now i'm not a very holy person in fact i'm what most would call a skeptic, but I will say I was on my knees thanking the all holy jeebus when I opened my eyes and realized I wasn't in a million pieces scattered across the freeway. I still wasn't in a very good spot because when I was done having my pseudo spiritual moment I looked up to realize I wasn't in texas anymore. In fact I was surrounded by thick bushes and tree’s. Now texas has a few small groves and such scattered about but this was no where near the natural amount of tree coverage.
So being the calm logical person I am, I promptly lost my shit and spazzed out for a good twenty minutes before coming to completely and calming down some. Though I do wonder where my car went that's a question for when I get out the creepy forest from the ring.
Now I'd like to think of myself as a pretty intelligent guy for the most part, barring a few choice instances I can get out most problems. So my first instinct was to get out my phone and call for help, but when I got my phone out of my pocket and turned on I saw that I had no signal. That is a clear sign from the universe telling me to figure it out on my own, so I do the next best thing I pull out the compass app and follow the arrow pointing north.
I have no idea if that thing works but i'll take false hope over despair. I was walking for a good hour when I finally heard something that made my heart stop, music, I was overjoyed and proceeded to run as fast I could to reach the sound. I'm not a very athletic person but If you saw me you'd be surprised. When I reached the clearing of the forest I practically jumped for joy. I had never been so relieved in my life.
So after I had my moment I looked up to gather my surroundings. I was in a field surrounded by flowers, and there were animals of different shapes and sizes running about. On the of the field I could see a small hamlet just peeking off in the distance. So with renewed vigor I strolled towards the village.
Just as I neared the edge of the village the music I had been hearing grew louder. It sounded like the whole town had been singing. When I got to the top off the hill what I was nearly caused my to do a double take.
Hundreds of colorful ponies were standing in the valley below singing. From where I was standing I could see all shapes and sizes. It even looked like they had pegasi and unicorns in the mix. Real fucking unicorns! Not a lot of people know this, but I love unicorns. Anything that had unicorns in it fascinated me as a kid, and I always kept a copy of the last unicorn in my guitar case.
Then it dawned on me I had lost my guitar case. For the second time today I had a meltdown. I had treasured that guitar since my highschool days. It had been a gift from my mom's boyfriend and I loved the shit out of it. It was a real downer that I had lost it but there was really nothing I could do at the moment to fix it.
Not to mention the bigger issue of talking horses who have now stopped singing and seem to have been watching me for the past five minutes. Well fuck I'm not in a good position. After cursing my stupidity I figured I might as well go down and introduce myself. After all no use in trying to hide myself after the whole town saw me.
I started to make my way down the hill when I was stopped by a voice from the crowed. “Not another step now ya here!” The accent was a very cartoony southern drawl that almost made me facepalm. I being the smart ass that I was decided to respond with the exact same accent. “Now why do ya recon I should do that?” From within the crowed a orange horse wearing a cowboy hat emerged looking rightly pissed off. “Because if ya don’t ill buck ya six ways ta saturday!”
“Now that don't rightly make sense why would ya do that ta lil ol me?”
“Cuz yer makin fun of the way I talk, and we don't take kindly ta rude folk”
“Aww shucks I ain't making fun of you that's just the way I talk partner”
“That’s horseapples and yall know it, and i'll give ya one more chance to cut it out”
“Im tellin ya partner that's the way I talk”
Before I could even register what happened there was a sharp pain in my abdomen and I was out.