Author's Note
This story is told from the POV of Luna herself as she recounts her sadness at everything up until she became Nightmare Moon to now.
My Suffering
"It hurts. It hurts so much we can hardly stand it. This void. This empty black expanse of nothingness that surrounds us even now as we look upon the world we used to inhabit. Now, we simply sit upon this wretched rock, biding our time until we can finally reunite with our beloved sister.
"So much has gone wrong. We are sure that our sister would never be able to lay eyes upon us again. At least, not in the same way as before. She used to look upon us with loving eyes. Proud eyes. Eyes that approved of our every action as we worked day in and day out for the betterment of Equestria alongside her. Eyes that saw us as an equal.
"But, it was on that day that it all changed. Our sister looked upon us with the coldest of eyes, the most distant of gazes, as if she were not looking at us, but through us, too afraid to look her younger sibling in the eye, afraid of what she had become. Our sister thought us mad. To be honest, looking back on it now, We think we would feel the same, despite them being our own actions.
"We only wanted to be appreciated as much as she was. We wanted our subjects to bask in the beauty of the night. to praise the moon as they would our dear sister's sun.
"Everywhere we went, we were always together with her. This would seem ideal for siblings as close as the two of us, however, after a time, we did not think so highly of being in our sister's shadow all the time.
"Whenever we went out into town, the ponies would all bow before Princess Celestia. This would seem trivial to most, considering our own status as a princess affords us much the same respect, but when we look around at all the ponies bowing low to the ground, as our gaze passes over them, much unlike with our sister, their peeking eyes lower and they shiver in fear, whereas our sister is greeted with smiles and giggling.
"It made us feel like less of a presence before the majesty that was our sister. Did they talk of us when we paid a visit to the town without our sister? No. They may have bowed and scraped before us then, but we could feel their gazes on us. Judging us, defiling us with their thoughts of inferiority and inadequacy.
"We would even venture to say that they despise us, or rather do not know us and do not wish to know us. We have heard, in times past, the whispers of certain ponies as they talked behind our back.
"Who is she?"
"Why does she hang around Princess Celestia like that?"
"Little wench. Just because she's taller than us, she thinks she can get close to the princess."
"We'll show her one day."
"Etc, etc, etc. Now, this may seem like a trivial thing to be upset over, and it is made even more so when you consider our position, but to be constantly reminded of your less than impressive standing, even among those who serve you, as well as your own personal thoughts on whether or not you deserve your position, is frightening indeed.
"This fact is made even more clear when you look upon our relationship with our sister. Being siblings, and specifically being the younger of the two, our lot in life has always been to be less than that of our elders. It is only through hard work and dedication that we can be acknowledged by our betters, and it is only through hard work and dedication that we have managed to do so as well.
"That being said however, the task is made more complicated by the constant pressure one feels when trying to do well to impress one's elder, as well as the ever present worry that one may disappoint or anger their elder sibling.
"There is also the burden placed upon the elder sibling, who's duty it is to nurture and care for the youngest so that they can grow to be well-bred individuals. This burden puts pressure on the eldest to maintain an appearance of strength, wisdom, and determination. They can never let themselves relax for fear of being seen as irresponsible, lazy, or worst of all, a bad example for their younger siblings.
"One may argue that our sister would never do that to us, would never let us feel that we are inferior, or inadequate. She would carry the burden proudly and be just fine with teaching us the ways of the world. But, that is not true. What happens when the burden placed upon the eldest becomes too much? What happens when the youngest cannot stand the thought of allowing herself to hinder her elder anymore? What happens when the pain of secrets never shared becomes too great to share at all?
"We have heard our sister speak of the burden she carries, of how she grows tired of constantly caring for us, of how she wishes we could be more independent, of how she pleads that one day she will watch us leave that castle as we are called away from her forever by whatever force destiny wishes to set in motion. We feel like she would be happy not to have such a weight on her shoulders anymore, keeping her from being free.
"That makes us believe that we should thank our sister, for freeing us from the constant shadow she had so obliviously cast over us, and for allowing us to see her happy, even if it is without us around.
"But, even if we do believe it, we dare not do it, for if we did, we would be surrendering to the sadness that took us so painfully long to forget as we brought about the events of Nightmare Moon. For, even though we did wish to give everypony the joy of night everlasting, we also had another desire. To free both our beloved sister, as well as ourselves, from the burdens we each carried.
"As our thoughts lie out in the open now, our only witness being the moon we once loved to such a degree as to allow ourselves to go 'mad', we plead with all of our subjects, as well as our dearest and most beloved sister, that you allow us to formally apologize and to return to your waiting hooves once again, for as much as we deserve to suffer an even greater punishment for what we have done, the pain has become unimaginable.
"There are not enough words in the world, dear sister, to express to you just how much it hurts."
