"Come, Silicon. We must alert Twilight and her friends that the Crystal Empire has returned." Celestia said as she continued her way towards the throne room. As we got to the throne room, we saw Twilight huddled in the corner blabbering nonsense. "Twilight." Celestia said with a soothing voice. She covered her ears in response. "Twilight." She repeated again, albeit much louder.

I got tired of this fairly quickly and shouted. "Twilight!" She jumped high in the air in shock. Celestia looked at me sternly. I just shrugged.

"Gah! P-Princess Celestia!" She knelt down in fear. "I-I'm so so sorry for ignoring you!" She held her hooves infront of her glorious leader, while kneeling down. "Punish me!" She said loudly. "Punch me like the bad girl I am today!" I looked at Celestia questionably, she just smiled awkwardly.

"Now, now Twilight." We were surprised as Twilight suddenly turned around and raised her rear to us.

"Spank me!" She shouted. I bit on my finger to suppress the laughter, and Celestia's mouth went agape. Luna was holding her recording crystal again.

"Sister, this is much better than Silicon!" She snickered.

"Dearest Twilight, we are not going to punish you." Celestia said calmly. "We are merely asking for your assistance-" I pushed Celestia away.

I snickered. "I would gladly punish you!" I took my knife and pulled out the blade, revealing a small nuclear battery underneath. I pressed a button on the handle and it became a makeshift taser. I pushed the teaser towards her and she shook wildly due to the electricity. I stopped the current, pulled out the knife, and she limped down on the ground, her eyes half-open and she was looking to the top. Her tongue stuck out, while she moaned loudly. "Your girl a masochist?" I asked, while pointing to the limp unicorn. I looked to see Celestia and Luna with disgusted faces. "What?" They showed me the video and I saw myself inserting the razor inside her... Ahem, you know what I mean. I looked at my knife and stared at it like it had the plague. It continued for three minutes then I just shrugged it off. I re-inserted the blade, locked it in place, and hid it back in my pants.

"More.." She squeaked. Celestia's eyes widened and she lifted Sparkle off the ground. Twilight looked at her mentor for a second and realized her situation. "Ah! Princess!" She thought for a minute. "Wait, did you do that, Princess Celestia?" Celestia just glared at her.

"Come. We have important news to relay." She dropped an unamused Twilight and left her there. She looked at a stained window and waited for Twilight.

A minute later, and Twilight went to her instructor. "I'm very sorry for what happened, Princess." She said as she faced the ground.

"ervertedpay onsay ofway away itchbay." I whispered loudly to Luna. They all looked at me.

"What?" They all asked simultaneously.

I snickered. "Nothing, thought all of you would know." They looked at me questionably before continuing their conversation. I then saw Celestia pull a large crystal and placed it on the ground. She blasted it with her voodoo magic and a hologram appeared. "Woah." That layout...looks...familiar. Then, the entire Empire crumbled, and black crystals formed all around it. "That looked awfully familiar." I muttered. A few tricks later, and I remembered the scene. My eyes widened, and I went closer to listen, but the conversation had already ended and Celestia already closed the door.

She began singing some sad song about her test-taking, and we all heard it from inside. She sang until she got too far away for us to hear her. "What was that all about?" I asked, Celestia shrugged.

"Also, who the hell is that pink fat lizard?" Luna elbowed me and whispered.

"That's a dragon."

"Oh."

+---+

Ever wonder what it's like to ride a chariot?

"AAGH! HELP!"

That's why.

"Oh, don't be such a foal, Silicon." Celestia lightly punched me in the arm.

"Yes, we haven't even took off yet." Luna said with a blank face. "In fact, we're very early." She pointed at the front. "The guard who is going to pull yo- us aren't even here yet."

I took my hands off the chariot. "Heh, I knew that." I looked at where I gripped on, to see it had a depression the shape and size of my hands. I stared at it for a couple of seconds before I shook it off. "So, when's he going to get here?"

They shrugged. We waited for a bit when suddenly, Luna spoke. "Silicon, have you any marefriends?" She gasped. "Or a special somepony?"

"A special somepony?" I thought for a second. "Oh, a special somebody!" She nodded. I raised a finger and opened my mouth. "No." I dropped it and looked at her. "Why ask?" She rubbed her... arm? The long elongated thing that connects the hoof to the body? I don't know. I don't have any knowledge about horses.

"Well, you surely know how to pleasure a mare." She looked at me with bedroom eyes.

I looked at Celestia, who looked at me with the same manner as well. I made a pokerface and looked around. I saw a large white stallion come closer. "Oh look, our driver is here!" I pointed at the stallion with a nervous smile.

"My apologies, the flier's still unavailable. I recommend you eat lunch first, your highness." He bowed and left. I looked at the sisters, and they smiled widely at me.

"Fuck."

+---+

"Princess, your flier is here." The same stallion came with a companion.

"Howdy." The stallion said.

"Hey." I replied.

Celestia and Luna got out of the chariot and whispered something to the flier. They then went to me and said.

"Silicon, after that..." The sisters snickered. "'Tussling' we've had, we decided you go alone to the Crystal Empire and help Twilight and her friends.

"Wait what?" The chariot flew off while the princesses stayed behind.

I gripped as tight as I could to the chariot itself while I screamed as loud as I can. I could hear the princesses laugh wildly back at the castle. After twenty minutes into the air, I finally calmed down. "Hey this isn't that bad." The chariot shook and I screamed again, then looked at the driver.

"Whoops, sorry. Turbulence." He smiled and looked forwards again. I glared at the stallion.

"If you weren't the only thing keeping me alive, I'm going to pull your guts out of your mouth." I pointed furiously at the stallion.

"Fucking dick." I muttered. The chariot shook again. "Why you little!" I stood up. "Come here!" I grabbed the stallion by the neck. "I don't care if you keep me alive at all! You're going down with me!"

"Uh. Silicon?" I looked to my left and I saw the whole gang. "What in tarnation are ya tryin' ta do to that stallion?" Applejack said.

"Uh.." I looked at the stallion, gasping for air. "It was a hug to prove my thanks?" I shrugged. She lifted an eyebrow. "Fine. He t-tried to kill me by sh-shaking the chariot." My teeth chattered at the cold.

"I told you, it was turbulence!" The pegasus shouted.

"T-Turbulence my ass!" I shouted back. I got out of the chariot and he flew off. "You know, how the hell could he fly in such s-strong weather?" The stallion then struggled to beat the impending winds, he then lost, his body being dragged away. "T-That's better, s-still too c-cold though." I shivered against the sub-zero temperatures.

"Twily!" I looked to the source of the voice and I saw a white stallion come out of the blizzard, wearing a black scarf and protective goggles. Twilight immediately recognized the stallion and ran towards him. They hugged eachother. "You made it! We must hurry..." He looked at me.

"'S-Sup?" I raised a hand.

"Like I said, we'd better get moving." He turned around. "There are things out here we really don't want to run into after dark."

"L-Like what?" Fluttershy asked.

"Oh, I don't k-know. M-Monsters, ghouls, gh-ghosts, rats, guinea pigs... T-The boogeyman." She whimpered in fear after that.

"Does he really need be here?" The stallion pointed at me. "I mean, what is he anyway?" I stepped closer and shook his hoof.

"Name's S-Silicon. I'm a h-human, you can ask your wife later, Celestia s-sent me, blah blah, all t-that other stuff." I said, uninterested.

"Wife?" The stallion asked. "Oh, no. Twilight's my sister. Name's Shining Armor." He looked at me.

"Anyways, let's just say that the Crystal Empire isn't the only thing that has returned." Armor said.

I stared at him. "Well g-good luck with that, I'm g-going to explore th-this p-place!" I walked towards the large obelisk castle like thing when suddenly, a howl sounded.

I turned around and pulled out my Spectre. "Finally, a fight!" A dark cloud appeared and charged towards us.

"Well, shit."

Author's Note

Asparagus.