The Convention of Me and My Selves

Chapter 1 - An Odd Encounter

I can quite honestly say that, despite some impressive binges growing up, I've never woken up someplace and not known where I was. Sure, there were those slow mornings when it took me a few seconds to connect the dots of the preceding evening, but other than that I had always managed to wake up secure in the knowledge of exactly where I was and why. As the kind of person who's always kept to a very rigid framework of rules, I lived my life according to strict schedules that held very little room for this kind of surprises. With that in mind, when something takes me by surprise, I tend to react somewhat strongly.

So, imagine then being woken up in a lovely verdant glade by the first tentative rays of the morning sun, hearing the sounds of birds chirping each other good morning and the rustle of little critters running around bushes and scurrying up and down trees.

This was not on the schedule. It wasn't anywhere near the framework.

I’ll leave my exact reaction to your imagination - partly because the next few minutes were a bit of a blur - but suffice to say I've seldom looked worse than I did when I found my way back to the glade from the underbrush, patting bristles and leaves off of my clothes. Well, I say 'clothes', but I was actually dressed in nothing more than my light-blue pajamas. Why was I in a clearing, dressed in nothing but my nightwear? A frustrating and embarrassing question; I found myself a big enough rock to sit on as I put my head in my hands trying to figure it out. Fishing answers out of my hazy memory didn't work though, what with the added stress from being out in the middle of an unfamiliar forest, so I quickly decided questions could wait until I got out of the forest.

Gazing around the treetops, I decided to head east, towards the sun – I lived near the east coast, so that seemed like a good plan to me. Looking over my appearance one last time before setting off, I sighed and settled for just trying to pat off some of the stray dirt that caught on me. My pajamas had taken a serious beating from my earlier freak-out, but it's not like I had a change of clothes with me; I just had to hope that anybody I met on the road would overlook my alarming appearance. With that came the first steps on my journey: barefoot, dressed in my dirty, torn night clothes and looking like I just came back from wrestling a bear in a wind tunnel. Let it never be said that I don’t adventure in style.

It took me about half an hour of struggling down the winding natural pathways of the woods, stopping often to regain my sense of direction, before I happened upon a wide trail going east. My weary feet, stinging from an earlier encounter with a grove of nettles, took to the task with some gratitude. A trail that big means people and the lack of overgrowth means they passed through fairly often. I'd found signs of civilization, and now it was just a matter of following this little thread back to its weave.

The discovery left me mostly mollified, leaving my eyes to wander in earnest for the first time since waking up. It really was a beautiful forest, once you were done freaking out all over it. The trees looked healthy and colorful and I was surprised at how seldom I found any moss - even the rocks littering the side of the road boasted clean surfaces that differed completely from the admittedly limited amount of forests I'd visited. It was beautiful, but it was a somewhat odd beauty – an amusing thought, that all of that nature seemed unnatural to me!

While the moss was notably absent, I found that there was no shortage of woodland animals scurrying around as I kept trudging down the path. They gave me a wide berth, as animals usually do, though several of them stopped for a few seconds to look at the filthy staggering pajamas-person. I eventually managed to spot a family of wild bunnies out foraging; they didn’t pay any attention to me, though I almost stopped and stared at the rare scene that was playing before me. I saw a fox as I went further down the road. I really hoped the bunnies by then had left to try their luck at other feeding grounds.

The sun was about halfway on its rise to zenith when I reached a creek with a dusty old wooden bridge bearing the trail to the other side. It was as good a spot as any for me to stop and take a breather. The shallow water trickling down the creek was clear, so I figured it was safe enough to drink, cupping my hands in the cold water, to take a few gulps and splash my face. I tried to contend with my bed head for a while too, without much effect – I’d always needed hair spray to get my untamed scalp to cooperate and it brushed off regular water like nothing. My last vestiges of vanity utterly bested, my aching feet then picked the moment to remind me of all the punishment they had endured, so I rolled up my sleeves and leggings and sat by the edge with my feet in the water. The pain was getting number with the cold splashing over me, and I took my time to gently massage my sore spots and clean out the scratches I had acquired on the way.

A soft croak broke my concentration, making me look up to see a frog sitting in the water by the opposite bank, its face barely breaking the surface and its groggy eyes regarding me with what looked like incredulity. An incredulous frog? I snorted at the absurdity of what my mind had ascribed to the little creature. It croaked again, a sound like an audible raising of an eyebrow.

"You try to look any better after waking up in a forest in the middle of nowhere," I told the amphibian, but it didn't provide a response. “Heh, you wouldn’t happen to have any hair spray?” It shook its head and then croaked again, a slightly deeper sound as if expressing disbelief. I shrugged, letting the issue go and getting back to looking over myself for any other wounds that needed cleaning. We sat like this for a few minutes, me and the incredulous frog, before the cold of the creek became too much for me and I picked myself up again to continue my trek. "You have a nice day now, and wish me luck," I told the frog over my shoulder as I left. It croaked softly in response. I didn’t know what feeling to ascribe it that time, but I imagined it was something positive.

Fatigued and with feeling numb in my toes from how long I let them rest in the creek, I meandered on for maybe one more hour before the trees finally got sparser, then breaking away altogether and marking at last the end of the forest. I would've run the last stretch, but after more than two hours of walking barefoot I didn't have much energy to spend. The view from the forest edge easily made up for my sour mood, though.

If the woods were beautiful, the rolling vista that spread out in front of me was a masterpiece of nature; it was breathtaking, almost beyond description. I realized to my chagrin that I could never do it justice, despite how I pride myself on my ability with words. It was like a postcard, like one of those places you just see, thinking to yourself 'I'll go there one day' - all the while doubting whether or not the picture actually provides an accurate representation. But, well, there it was. Green hills, populated sparingly with trees and flowers, continuing on almost forever until, in the farthest reaches on the horizon, they met with the forested base of a range of cold, blue mountains that stretched like spires to the sky. The sky - I didn't notice it while most of it was obscured by tree tops, but its hue was much richer than any I had previously experienced, so deep that I was struck with a feeling of vertigo after staring at it for a short while.

I kneaded my hands then and wriggled my toes in the soft grass to get a feel for this wonderful sight, before I set my eyes on the trail continuing down the slope. No time like the present! My feet still ached, my legs were still sore, but I had a feeling that a town was just beyond sight and that the trail would carry me there. That thought spurred me on and it didn't take long before my earlier careful gait was traded for a more optimistic pace.

Well, after barely clawing my way up the fifth hill, I learned that some things are better appreciated from a distance.

Considering I've never been the kind of guy that cares much about fitness, the fact that I managed to get that far before collapsing was really an accomplishment. An empty one, maybe, given how it didn't really amount to any tangible improvement of my situation. It was a testament to my fatigue then, that despite my growing fears and anxiety I managed to fall asleep lying in the grass on the top of that hill.

I woke up around noon, a bit dazed and my body somewhat stiff from my ordeals. I couldn't have slept for long - but with how tired I was I considered myself lucky to wake up at all before the last sunlight. My muscles groaned as I brought myself into a sitting position, looking around to see if I could spot any signs of human life, but no such luck. There were no roads other than the trail I'd been on for the last few hours and no buildings of any kind wherever I swept my gaze - but then, in the distance, I saw a plume of smoke. A chimney? Standing up slowly and shielding my eyes from the sun with a hand, I peer at the white pillar that was rising from the horizon. It was way away from me; it was hard for me to tell the distance, but I knew I wasn't getting there anytime soon. Sighing, I began hobbling down the road again, falling every now and again as my legs started folding under me.

I hadn't been walking for long when my strained focus was suddenly broken by a sound - one I didn't expect, but which made me whip my head around in bewilderment. Was that a voice? Straining my ears and not daring to either move or breathe, I concentrated as fully as I could on my hearing. A painful few seconds passed, but then I heard it again - a soft voice carried over to me on the wind, the sound of singing. A girl? My heart thumped faster, almost painfully so, and I hurried towards the sound. The wind was treacherous though, forcing me to stop a few times to regain my bearings after losing the source. Within only a few minutes the voice grew stronger, more defined. It was the voice of a woman, and she was singing beautifully, carrying an unfamiliar tune with only the occasional lyrics. A sinking sensation grew in my stomach as I realized I must look like absolute garbage; my pajamas were even dirtier now from sliding down the hills in addition to the rips and tears from my trek through the forest. I briefly ran my options for conversation through my head as I got closer: 'I know this looks terrible, but hear me out', 'Woah, that was a wild night, let me tell you!' Or how about: 'Would you happen to know where I can find the nearest tailor, bath, bus station and my wallet?' My face was reddening already and I hadn't even had a chance to embarrass myself yet.

Coming up to an old oak tree, I leaned on it to catch my breath as I once again tried to pinpoint the location of the girl, when the sound of cloth catches my attention from somewhere on the other side of the tree. Feeling both elated and terrified, I leaned out to catch a glance of a picnic blanket being rolled out about thirty feet away from where I stood. The sight that greeted me beyond the blanket was enough for my building blush to swiftly drain out as I all but threw myself behind the oak, grasping my chest and panting loudly as I tried to get my heart back in rhythm. I didn't loosen my grip until my chest started to hurt from my stiff fingers, and only then did I dare to look again to see if the apparition was still there.

She was.

Spread out underneath a cherry tree was a clean, perfectly square red-white chess-patterned cloth, a blue vase of wild flowers sat in the middle and a huge wicker basket lying off to the side. The impossible being was just putting the finishing touches on the flower arrangement to the audience of a dozen birds and woodland animals, all of them lined up like a regiment awaiting orders from their commander. The officer in question, not paying them any attention, stepped back, looked over the results for a few seconds and then graced her platoon with a brilliant smile. Then, she spoke in the voice that I knew she would produce.

"Great work, everyone! Now let's lay out the dishes!"

Yellow. Four legs, two wings, light pink mane and tail; you know this person, and so did I. Stupefied, I was left slouched against the tree, rubbing my eyes with my free arm as if there was just some weird splotch of yellow and pink on my retinas that needed to be cleaned out. Needless to say, the young mare thought nothing of my weak attempts at erasing her existence and continued her business of setting up the picnic, humming softly as her animal friends rushed to aid her as best they could.

I hid in a nook in the shadow of that oak for a while. Not my proudest moment, but from what I hear it wasn't exactly the worst reaction for a first pony encounter. I could hardly dare to even take a peek at her- the song echoing around my head in that undeniable voice, her form never changing no matter how many times I told myself I must've seen something wrong. This couldn't be the result of madness, intoxication or any form of substance abuse - if it was, then how come everything stayed the same, stayed consistent, no matter how much I willed it to change? How come my pajamas were still torn and dirty, my feet sore and aching; how come the pony was still singing, still laying out dishes and still being surrounded by the her helpful little animals?

It was real - it had to be real - it felt real. None of the malleability of a dreamscape was here and not even the tiniest squirrel out there seemed to hinge any sort of existential weight on what went on in my mind. That pony out there was Fluttershy, which all at once explained how I had no idea where I was. I had become a human in Equestria, just like in the stories. Realizing I was stuck far away from what I had come to know as civilization, I was left with no idea of where to go or what to do.

But she could help me. She would help me; she would understand, or at least try.

'Go down there. Introduce yourself.'

What if she gets scared?

'She would help you.'

What if she runs away!

Dozens of scenarios flashed through my mind. There were loads of fanfiction about this sort of thing right? How did all of those guys manage? How do I approach a pony without being kicked in the head, thrown in a dungeon or somehow ending up with a willing harem of ten or more colorful tiny horses? All but burrowing my fingers into my forehead, I forced myself through the memory of every fanfiction I've perused of this nature, but I either didn't remember the important ones or I never read any that started off with the unlucky human making a good impression. My hands fell to my side weakly, and I fought the urge to groan; the longer I stayed and deliberated on it, the worse it would get. It was time to make a decision, to take a chance. Just behave in a calm, civilized manner with no sudden movements, I figured, speak slowly and politely and don't do anything stupid.

I gathered up the last of my courage and stood up, just as I heard some excited chatter right above my head, followed closely by the sound of wings taking flight. I had stood up too fast and scared off a family of birds in the tree!

"O-oh, um..." the voice drops considerably in volume, but I have no doubt where it's directed. "I-is somepony there?"

An image of Fluttershy's eyes, wide open in terror, burns itself into my mind. I begin hyperventilating, but manage to stop myself within a couple of seconds, cupping my hands over my mouth in a vain attempt to make my panicked panting less noticeable.

"U-um, if there is anypony there, you shouldn't- um, please, please don't hide..."

I swallowed my fears - she was getting more nervous by the second, and while that was a travesty in and of itself, it also hurt my chances at giving a decent first impression. I breathed in deeply, achingly pushing my back off from the oak tree and then I slowly stepped out into the sun. At that exact moment, a rustle was heard from the wicker basket, and Fluttershy turned her head to see a small white rabbit poke its face out. Between its paws was a half-eaten sandwich, from which it took a healthy bite as the pegasus fidgeted, her attention now firmly placed on the bunny and his lunch.

"Oooh, no, you can't eat those, Angel - those are for-"

I was almost thrown back as the half-pint rabbit let loose the mother of all belches, blasting Fluttershy full in the face so that her hair stood straight back like if she had flown into a jet stream. Discarding his half-eaten sandwich on the grass, Angel climbed out of the basket and gave a smug look over at his caretaker as she coughed quietly in the aftermath. The pegasus blinked tears out of her eyes, scuffing a hoof against the ground while looking from the bunny to the dropped sandwich.

"Uh... um, well, y-you can still have that one - i-if you really want to..." The bunny however turned his head sourly before beginning to hop away down the field. His caretaker bit her lip, her eyes widening before she suddenly shot up into the air, shaking in a panic. "It wasn't bad, was it? Was it??"

She began to flitter back and forth, leaving me to stand by my tree in a stupor. Muttering to herself, pupils dilated and trembling, she paid me no mind unlike the animals all around her who were stuck, frozen like statues with their wide eyes affixed entirely on me. "It was the jam, wasn't it? M-maybe it should have been raspberry? Ooh, why did I pick orange!" she hits her hooves to her head.

I realized that I was being totally ignored. This struck something deep within me – I had gathered all of my courage to reveal myself like this! The least she could do was look at me!

"Don't panic, don't panic! Stay calm, Fluttershy - all you need to do is go get some raspberry jam, and then come back before they get here!" The pegasus nodded to herself before rising high into the air, hoof shot above in what was probably meant to be a determined pose. "I'm gonna do it! I'm going to save this evening if it's the last – thing – I –“

I cleared my throat.

It was as if a jolt of electricity had hit her - her back arced, her coat stood straight and her wings locked up, leaving her to quickly fall to the ground whereupon she whipped around to finally see me. I could actually hear her jaw drop. "Um," I start off, looking at the sky as I try to come up with a good introduction. "Good... morning-ish? Afternoon?" I tend to not think very well under pressure.

She squeaked, shrinking away as she looked up at me with her face starting to take on a pink tone. "H-how long were you-" It was barely a mumble, but I caught the gist of it and searched for the appropriate response. I didn't want to embarrass her, but judging by where things were heading, I wasn't sure if that could actually be managed. "Just a little while," I answered, trying to ignore the stares of the animals, who still hadn't moved a muscle since I showed myself.

Fluttershy, meanwhile, was shrinking even further. "D-did you see...?"

"I saw your argument with the bunny, yes," I answered, her entire face at that point turning beet red as she squeaked and tried to hide behind her long pink mane. "Uh... miss?" My only response was another tiny squeak, her having apparently hit an embarrassment singularity and being completely incapable of vocalizing anything of substance. This situation was turning out rather badly by now - after all, what would another pony think if they were to come upon this scene? A young, innocent mare cowering before a tall, rugged, dirty creature - I'd be lucky if all I received was a switft kick in the face. Not wanting to wait for her friends to get to the picnic and mess up my chances, I quickly moved to defuse the embarrassment and get Fluttershy talking again.

"Miss, t-there's no need to worry - really, I'm sure your sandwiches are perfectly fine." Her squeak this time had a questioning tone, so I took it as an invitation to carry on. "Y-yeah, I'll even prove it to you, okay? I'll show you that there's no problem at all." Another squeak in the affirmative - this was my signal to attempt possibly the riskiest maneuver I had ever done for my whole life leading up to that point. I briefly eyed the animals, their unflinching collective gaze still locked on me. If I messed this up, I had no doubt that they would be eager to give my earlier scratches more company.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself as much as possible, and then started walking towards the picnic, my movements slow but deliberate. The animals blinked, seeming to wake up finally from their shock as they started backing away from my approach. Fluttershy though still sat locked in place, staring at me from under her pink bangs. It was a nerve-wracking few seconds, but finally I got so close to her that I could reach out and touch her, close enough for me to see the individual hairs of her coat. Dwarfed by me as I stood almost twice her height, she was shaking where she stood, but to her credit not as much as I was. Trying not to alarm her, I slowly bent down to pick up the discarded sandwich and then stood back up. It looked completely fine to my eyes, aside from some strands of grass that were quickly brushed away. Hoping that Angel didn't carry around germs nastier than he was, I took a huge bite.

Fluttershy was looking at me then, still nervous but now at least able to move. I smiled shakily, "See? Perfectly f-fine. And I don't normally eat jam, either." I took another bite, slowly eating the entire thing as she started to come out of her shell, sitting back and looking at me eating with rapt attention. She still didn't dare to look into my eyes, but I barely had the guts to do the same. I made a show of sipping my fingers when I was done, which seemed to intrigue her, and she spoke up with a quiet voice.

"You're a human, aren't you?"

It took me off-guard; I had read a few fics, but I don't think I ever saw one where the ponies know about humans from the get-go. I sat down to hide my shaking legs, nodding to her as I answered. "Y-yeah, that's right," my voice cracked, but I cleared my throat softly and continued. "You've... met humans before?"

"Oh! Oh no, n-not really," she answered, her cheeks once again gaining a pink hue. "Mister Providence comes down to the Ponyville Market every few weeks, b-but I've always been too shy to...." She trails off, leaving me gaping in shock. Mister Providence? Too shy for what? If my mind was spinning before, Fluttershy had now added a new dimension and turned that spin three-dimensional. "Still, this is so... oh, I've always wondered what it's like to talk with a human! D-do you like sandwiches? No! Wait! You can't have th-these, but if you want some later, I could-"

She let out a gasp as she noticed the scratches on my arms and legs, fidgeting while she stood in mid-step, apparently debating whether or not she could get closer. "G-goodness! Are you hurt?"

"I had... a few close encounters with some thorny bushes, so yeah."

"Ohh, why didn't I bring a first aid kit with me-! Um, I-I'll take you to the hospital r-right away!"

"No, it's alright!" I say, throwing a glance at the picnic that was less than halfway laid out. "I don't want to intrude-"

"Oh, no-no-no, you're not intruding at all! But, um, just let me finish setting things up-" Before I had the chance to interject, Fluttershy was off like a bolt of lightning, plucking the different dishes out of the picnic basket and placing them on the blanket with terrifying speed and alarming precision. In less than ten seconds, the entire spread was laid out - two empty plates surrounded with saucers of sandwiches, fresh fruit and berries of all different kinds and even some small pastries. I spotted what looked like a bottle of wine in there as well. Nodding to herself, the yellow pegasus turned to me again with a shy smile. "-there! Now, just follow me and we'll get you fixed right up..."

She turned to leave, and I blinked dumbly at the perfect placement that she had somehow achieved in less time than it took for me to process her actions. "You're... abandoning your picnic?" She blinked at me in confusion before giving me a knowing smile. "Don't worry, this isn't for me. Griselda just really wanted my help with preparing her blind date today."

"Griselda?" Not a pony name I remembered - I wondered how close this world kept to the show. For all I knew, this could have been some weird fanfiction universe were everypony was just slightly off, or where there were loads of sloppily made OC ponies running around as if they somehow had any kind of importance. That's when I spot a humongous grizzly bear lumbering over the closest hill, my heart trying to beat its way out of my asophagus as my skin goes cold and I start stuttering almost soundlessly. It stood still, staring straight into my eyes before slowly ambling down towards the picnic with purpose - I could feel my body going numb with fear, but I forced myself to croak out a warning. "B-bear!"

Fluttershy just looks over her shoulder calmly. "Oh, that's her right now! Over here, Griselda!"

I tried telling myself to be rational as my pegasus companion waved her hooves - it's just one of Fluttershy's pets! This one just happens to be an enormous five-ton predator!

Needless to say, I was less than entirely reassured.

"Mister human, are you alright? You look so nervous-" She cut herself off with a shrill gasp, shooting into the air with her hooves covering her face. "C-could you be Griselda's date??" she squeaks, blushing hard as I tried to process her asinine question. She didn't give me any time for that, though, ohh no. "Oh, that's just so sweet of you, to think of poor Griselda even though she's not a human!" she flies up to me and gives me a hug, completely shattering any response I was thinking of. "B-but, what will society think?" She let go of me roughly before starting to hover back and forth, frowning. I shook my head, realizing that I had to nip this in the bud fast before I was left alone at lunch with a love-starved grizzly bear.

"Fluttershy."

"Are bears and humans... just too different?"

"Fluttershy!"

"No! I have no right to question Griselda's happiness! If you hold Griselda in your heart, then no matter how weird it is, I support your right to love!"

"Fluttershy!"

"Don't worry, mister human, I will make- um- I will-" her expression changed from kind determination to absolute befuddlement in slow-motion, before she once again dropped to the ground, eyes blinking continously. "Um... y-you know my n-name?"

I facepalmed softly as I realized my mistake, then quickly remembered that I had a misunderstanding to clear up before things went too far south. "Th-that doesn't matter right now - what matters is that you've made an unreasonable assumption about me here!"

"Oh! Um, I-I don't know wh-what I did, but I'm really sorry-" Right then, the bear put her nose in-between us curiously, making Fluttershy squeak in surprise and making my heart stop. "H-hello Griselda, I was just talking to mister human, here. How strange, that your date would turn out to be a human!"

I gasped for air impotently, clutching my chest to check if my heart was still beating, or if I needed to give it a swift life-giving punch. Griselda then turned her giant head slowly to me, her face all but covering my entire view and her beady black eyes looking into mine in confusion and curiosity, finding nothing but sheer cold terror in return. Stricken with absolute panic, I managed to stumble backwards, falling over myself and ending up lying on my stomach, my arms shaking like leaves as I weakly attempted to push myself up into a sitting position again.

"Oh, dear! Mister human!" Fluttershy cried out, running past the befuddled bear and over to me. "I-I forgot about your wounds! W-we need to get you to a hospital right away!" Pushing her nose under my stomach, she suddenly heaved me up on her back and almost giving me another heart attack. "I'm so sorry about your date, Griselda - j-just wait right here, I'll be right back!" She turned her head to me, her eyes filled with worry. "P-please hold on, mister human!" Then she took off down the hill, and it was all I could do to just hold on, my legs grazing the ground as my tiny steed sped forward towards the plume of smoke that marked Ponyville.

I had to take a moment to walk my memory back at that point, replaying the events to figure out what exactly had happened. I had woken up in Equestria, walked for hours, fallen asleep on a hill and then found Fluttershy preparing a picnic. Then I got to the point where we could talk openly and everything seemed to be going my way... and then, I saw a giant bear, Fluttershy hugged me, a lot of nonsense happened, and now I'm riding a pony to the hospital. I still wasn't sure what kind of Equestria this was, but I was starting to lean towards it being the complete idiot version. And, right about then, I felt that it would be sadly appropriate.

Being dragged along the road by a shy, butter-yellow pegasus almost half my size, I just hoped things wouldn't get any stranger.

"Well sir, you've had a rough morning, but you'll be glad to know we won't have to keep you for more than one or two hours. Though you should really make sure to get some rest when you can - you can't be up partying all day you know!"

I stared somberly at the brown stallion with the white doctor's coat, and he catched my hint fairly quickly, giving an apologetic smile. "Ah, I'll just go and talk to the wonderful girl who brought you in, then. Don't be afraid to call on the nurse if you need anything - it's the bell next to your bed!"

With that, the doctor pony left me to stew in my thoughts. I was alone in the room - though there was one more bed besides mine, its occupant had apparently left earlier this morning, leaving the entire room to myself. Finally finding time to relax, I studied my surroundings while I left my mind to stew. Tapestries of alternating shades of blue covered the walls of the room, wooden details everywhere replacing the plastic and metal that I was used to when it came to hospitals. I let myself fall back on the bed, dead tired, lifting my arm to inspect the generous helpings of gauze wrapped around it. I wasn't that hurt, but I guess they didn't know how to treat humans well and overcompensated a little. They all seemed so worried about me, despite both mine and the doctor's assurances that I was, for the most part, fine. Maybe they didn't encounter humans very often? Fluttershy mentioned something about a Mister Providence that came by every few weeks, so it was probably safe to assume that there weren't a lot of us around. The strangest thing I found was how they reacted when I told them my name. Wide eyes, whispering amongst themselves, the nurses excusing themselves to go do some unspecified work...

What in the actual Sam Hill was going on?

I was hardly unknown by this point - I had ridden Fluttershy all the way down to Ponyville Hospital after all, dragging my feet through half of Ponyville Mane Street - at noon on a Saturday, no less. I rested my head in my hands, sighing from embarrassment as I recalled how all of the ponies had stared at me. At us - at Fluttershy giving me a ride. Just the amount of double-takes I saw - I had no doubt that this event would color the perception of me for a long time to come. Maybe that was what the doctor and nurses were all tense about, thinking I'm some weird person who just goes and rides ponies around in my pajamas. I facepalmed heavily, groaning tensely as I tried to exorcise the memories of the the flabbergasted expressions Fluttershy had left in her wake. The voice of the doctor filtering through the opening of the door provided a welcome distraction from my thoughts. Sitting back up, I quietly got out of bed and tip-toed over to the entrance, hanging by the side so that I could hear what he was talking about.

"Well, he had some scratches to be sure," the stern voice of the doctor went on, "but I can't see exactly how he'd collapse unless he was just that tired."

"A-are you sure, doctor?" the voice of Fluttershy responded. "He looked absolutely terrible! His eyes had all glazed over - oh, Griselda must have been so shocked to see him like that!"

"Griselda?" the doctor questioned. "Not a pony I am familiar with - is she new to Ponyville?"

"Oh no, Griselda isn't a pony, doctor. She's a bear - a grizzly bear, actually! She's just the sweetest, kindest-"

"'Griselda'... I see, how adorable," the doctor chuckled. "Was this bear present when he had his, ah, 'episode'?"

"Um... well, y-yes. It was so strange, she had just arrived and he started acting so weird..."

"'Acting weird'. Miss Fluttershy - it didn't occur to you that he might just be terrified of grizzly bears?"

"T-terrified?" Fluttershy gasped.

"Yes, you see - his reaction as you described it could very well have been out of fear rather than from any sort of injury."

"Th-that couldn't be! Why would he ask Griselda for a date if he was terrified of bears?"

"A date-?" the doctor started before promptly stopping himself and sighing. "Why don't you explain this from the beginning, miss Fluttershy."

I groaned loudly. This was going to go so far south before it started to get anywhere close to better. Staggering back to my bed, I sat down heavily, steepling my hands over my knees. I wished I could go to sleep right then - go to sleep and wake up back home, but my mind was still racing and even though I was tired I couldn't calm down. Sighing to myself, I rang the bell. If I was going to get through this, I needed a freaking drink.