It was just for one night.
The words repeated in Rose’s head over and over. She lay motionless in her bed staring up at the ceiling. A million thoughts rushed through her head, each one mulling over the events of last night. Part of Rose wanted to cringe at the fuzzy memories of joy and another part wanted her to give herself a well deserved punch in the face for letting herself stoop so low. Her back began to ache from staying in the same position for hours and her ears twitched at the smallest sounds ringing out through the house.
Lily yawned down the hall, shutting her bedroom door, her hooves clopping against the hardwood floor. The faucet in the bathroom started running followed by the door closing. Daisy was undoubtedly in the kitchen, preparing food for her sisters while humming a tune; probably one of Sapphire Shores’ new songs. Plates slid against each other and bowls fell, caught quietly and firmly, followed by a curse under Daisy’s breath. The scent of freshly picked apples and strawberries wafted through the modest Ponyville house.
Rose was used to the aroma, smelling it practically every morning, but loving it all the same. It was something she was able to cling to and put her mind at ease to some degree. But today it was different. The comfort was gone, replaced with the lingering feeling of regret.
She felt as though she were a grotesque monster. The moment she left her room, she expected to be greeted by criticizing glares and callous comments spoken by her sisters in hushed whispers. Even worse, the thought of actually leaving the house and having to be in the sight of the whole town was agonizing. Her friends would scowl and glare in disapproval and Celestia knows what ponies would say about her behind her back.
A knock on the door jolted Rose into an upright position. She relaxed and set herself back onto the bed, resting on her side and facing the wall. Rose’s chest hurt. She wanted to call out to the visitor, demanding they leave her alone, but could not bring herself to be so cruel.
Besides, as much as she wanted to deny it, Rose could use the company right now.
More accurately, she needed the company.
Not wanting to get up, Rose pulled the sheets over her exposed form. The silky, smooth surface hugged her slender frame, the cold blanket sending chills through her whole body. Rose liked it. Her hands gripped the lone pillow lying on the side of her bed, clutching it close to her chest.
The door opened. Gentle hoof steps entered, muffled by the carpet which lay crooked on the floor.
“Rose?” Lily’s sweet, smooth voice called out. Rose bit her lip trying not to respond. The bed warp as weight was introduced on the edge of the bed. “Rose, it’s pretty late in the morning. We have the shop to run.”
“I…” Rose paused. She found it impossible to turn and face her sister in her current state. “I’m not really feeling it today.”
The bed shifted some more, Lily’s weight coming closer to Rose. The red-maned mare clutched the pillow tighter and tried to nudge herself away. She noted Lily’s long silence and shaky sigh.
“Is there something you...” Lily asked innocently. “...need to talk about? You know I’m here for you, right?”
“I know.” Rose repositioned her head, trying not to let it sink too much into the lush headrest. She stared at Lily’s shadow on the wall. She pulled the sheets further up over herself, covering her bare shoulder. Lily tilted her head and raised a hand, but it hovered above Rose as if one touch would result in her being poisoned or would make Rose break into a fit of anger. Rose felt she would have done the latter if she were properly dressed, but doubted she had the ability to act in such a way to family. “I, uh, made some mistakes last night”
“Oh, Rose,” Lily rested her hand on Rose’s covered arm, causing the mare to tighten her grip on the cushion against her chest. “Did Berry make you—”
“Never touched anything besides water,” Rose quickly defended, though the statement was not entirely true. She only had one sip of whatever gunk Berry threw down her throat. After that, she decided water was probably the only thing the tavern served that would properly wash down the horrid taste.
“But you met someone right?” Lily looked again towards the slump of the bed. “I mean, I-I don’t wanna pry into your business, but you weren’t the only one in here last night.”
Rose pursed her lips. She turned her head slightly, looking at her sister from the corner of her eye. Lily looked with genuine concern.
“I did,” Rose admitted.
“And you two…” Lily hesitated, gesturing her hands into a wide array of positions, none of which got her point across. Despite that, Rose understood.
“Yeah.”
She thought back to the night before. The heavy breaths, the warmth of her body and the locking of alcohol flavored lips. The tangled mess of their manes; blue and red mixing together as they rubbed against one another. The curves of her body and her oh-so-smooth fur. They were moments of nothing but pure ecstasy.
Deep down, Rose knew it was wrong. She knew she was taking advantage of someone who did not know any better in their state of mind in that particular point in time. Rose was fully aware of what she was doing, but had she not encouraged it? Rose was reluctant at first, but she coaxed her. It did not matter. In the end, Rose gave into the desires that remained dormant for years.
Rose hated herself for it. She hated herself even more for enjoying it as much as she did. Every second of it was regretful bliss and once the act was done, Rose could not bear to look at the mare she had brought home afterwards. Despite how her heart would become weightless at the sight of her blue coat and mane, Rose knew it was wrong.
“She came, stayed for a bit and left,” Rose explained simply
“Well, didn’t you two enjoy yourselves at least?” Lily put on a weak grin. Rose rolled her eyes and turned back over.
“I mean,” Rose struggled to find her voice. “I guess, but—”
“You’re not hurt are you?” Lily prodded.
Rose bit her lip. “In the emotional sense I supp—”
“What’s the problem then?”
Rose spun around, her brow furrowed. She did not care that the sheets had fallen. “I’d let you know if you just let me talk!”
Lily recoiled and pulled her hands away. Her eyes scanned Rose’s in shock and she started to relax a little; lowering her hands and resting them on her lap. Rose’s eyes widened and lip quivered watching her sister look away with a defeated frown. “I-I’m just trying to help.”
“Lily, I’m sorry,” Rose sunk back down and covered herself again. She wanted to bury herself in a hole and stay there until she whittled away and died. Lily looked back at her tenderly.
“You remember Minuette?” Rose started. She felt herself flush at the mere mention of the name. Minuette. It echoed in her head over and over. She loved the name like a good drink, but the mare herself was like a drug without a cure. Rose had her first taste of it and desperately wanted more.
Rose was the type of pony who admired from afar. Her sisters often poked fun and teased her about her ineptitude to engage in conversation with anyone she liked. Minuette was easily one of those ponies Rose had a hard time speaking to. There was something about her sparkling coat and pearly white smile that Rose found irresistible for years. Their first conversation together was a stuttering mess on Rose's part, but it was still time spent together. The two would even go on and call each other 'friends' as the years progressed, though Rose felt that 'acquaintances' was a better term. If Rose and Minuette were in the same room together, it was typically Berry whom they followed.
Lily nodded and tilted her head. Rose paused for a moment and watched Lily’s eyes widen with understanding. “Oh! Really?”
Rose felt her face flush and her ears drop. It was hard to tell if Lily was proud of her for overcoming anxieties or proud for her getting laid. Either way, Rose was not amused by Lily’s half-smile. A smile which began to slowly die as she took notice of Rose’s glare. “I’m sorry, but, isn’t that kinda what you wanted?”
“I’m not proud of it though!” Rose exclaimed her voice cracking. She started to sit herself up, holding the sheets against her chest. “She wasn’t herself! I wanted it to be special, I wanted it to actually mean something.”
Lily looked away, ears dropped and staring at an uninteresting spot of the bed. “She was drunk?”
“Yeah.” A pain came in Rose’s chest, stinging and aching. A lump started to form in her throat. “The worst part was the lack of self control, you know? Usually, you try to stop yourself and the other pony involved, but I...I really needed it. I needed her and… I mean, I guess it’s selfish, but I enjoyed myself.”
The light raspberry mare edged herself closer to her sister. “W-would it have made a difference if she stayed the night?”
Rose nodded, biting the inside of her lip, hoping it would not quiver uncontrollably. She lifted her head and looked at the bare wall feeling the first drop of heartache drip down her cheek. It was true though. She would have liked the chance to at least say a single sentence to Minuette about the events that transpired. Get an idea of how things stood between the two of them. Unfortunately, like most things, it never worked out the way Rose wanted.
A good portion of her love life was just awkward conversations and terribly awkward staring. All she wanted was a chance to be with someone other than her sisters. That was not too much to ask for was it? Granted, Lily and Daisy were the best ponies to have as sisters, but what about someone Rose could kiss, hold for the entirety of the day, open herself up to? She thought Minuette would have been that pony, despite how childish the thought seemed.
Instead, the blue mare woke in the early hours of the morning—sober and realizing that last night had gone too far—and left, trying to remain quiet as she cursed herself for sleeping with a complete stranger. The worst part was Minuette acknowledging what Rose had done. That was what hurt the most. She, at least, realized that it was her own fault too.
Rose should have been asleep, but she faced the wall, staring and hurting from Minuette's silent dispute with herself. She tried to lay as still as possible and tried harder to hold her breath to keep her body from convulsing. When the mare left, Rose curled her legs against her chest and silently denounced her actions.
Lily’s arm wrapped around Rose’s shuddering body. Rose rested her head against her sister’s shoulder and let herself ease into Lily’s comforting embrace. She felt dreadful, staining Lily’s shirt with her tears and sitting there crying, naked in her room despite the sheets acting as her cover. She returned the hug, gripping tightly to the smooth silken surface of Lily’s shirt. “Luna, I'm so stupid.”
“No you're not Rose,” Lily’s hand gently stroked her sister’s crimson mane. “You'll find somebody some day. You just listen to your heart too much. It's not like it's the end of the world. There's someone out there who's right for you.”
“Thanks,” Rose mustered. It did not help too much, but the aching in her chest died down slightly. For that she was thankful.
The sisters broke away from their embrace, Lily’s hands gently placing themselves on Rose’s cheeks, wiping away the tears dripping from her puffy eyes.
“Hey look, why don’t you get dressed, okay?” Rose nodded in response, sniffling. “I’ll bring you breakfast in the little bit. I’ll even try to see if I can talk Daisy into running the shop by herself for a little bit. I think you could use some company for a bit.”
Rose managed a weak smile. Lily had a good heart. Rose loved that about her. The bed shifted as she stood up and went for the door.
“Lily?” Rose spoke up before her sister turned the corner of the hall. The mare’s ear twitched and she turned her head, eyebrows raised. She tilted her head and blinked. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do.”
“It’s no problem,” Lily said with a sweet, warm smile. “Anything for my sister.”